Dummy Jokes

Traveler and Tourist Jokes

2012-01-23T05:36:00.000-08:00

Traveling, especially for a vacation purpose, is a fun thing to do. That's why many people come up with the idea of travel and tourist jokes, which you can read at this post. Anyway, you should search for travel tips as a preparation before you have a vacation, so you won't having a bad experiences like the one from these stories:

"The Matador ............"

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

Ticket, please...

Three New Zealanders and three Aussies are traveling by train to a cricket match at the World Cup in England. At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three New Zealanders buy just one ticket between them.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Aussies. "Watch and learn," answers one of the New Zealanders.

They all board the train. The Aussies take their respective seats but all three New Zealanders cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the New Zealanders on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the New Zealanders don't buy a ticket at all!!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Aussie. "Watch and learn," answers a New Zealander. When they board the train the three Aussies cram into a toilet and soon after the three New Zealanders cram into another nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the New Zealanders leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Aussies are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."

McDonald's

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.)

The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the
jab: "They don't serve beer here, you moron!"

The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle.

"And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands.

"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."

Smart Travel Guide

In Alaska's National Forests, a tourists guide was giving a talk to a group of tourists about hiking in grizzly bear territory: "Most bear encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet along the trails in hopes of viewing wildlife, accidentally stumble into bears. The resulting surprise can be catastrophic." To avoid this, he suggested that each hiker wear tiny bells on their clothing to warn the bears of their presence. "Also," he said further, "be especially cautious when you see signs of bears in the area, especially when you see bear droppings."

One tourist asked, "How do you identify bear droppings?"

"Oh that's easy," the guide explained, "its the ones with all the tiny bells in them!"

Smarter Travel Guide

A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.

"This temple is 1503 years old", replies the guide.

Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.

"Easy", replies the guide, "the archaeologists said the temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago"

Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings and Messages

2011-12-22T23:09:00.000-08:00

For you who love Chinese food, you must have eaten fortune cookies before, right? Ever found funny messages in your fortune cookie? As we know, this crisp cookie contains hidden messages wrapped inside it, which contains sayings, quotes, wisdom words, and lucky numbers (often used as lottery numbers). However, sometimes the words are meaningless and only meant as a jokes, which some examples are shown in this post.

Now, if you want to make a joke to your friends, you can write your own hilarious sayings and put it inside home made fortune cookies. Check out at Chinese Food Recipes blog to see how to make this food!

Funny Fortune Cookie Quotes:

Some men dream of fortunes, others dream of cookies.
The world may be your oyster, but it doesn't mean you'll get its pearl.
You will be hungry again in one hour.
You can always find happiness at work on Friday.
Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.

Fortune Cookie Wisdom Words?

Do not mistake temptation for opportunity.
A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition. Ouch!!!
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Don’t fry bacon in the nude.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Coffee and Women

2011-10-25T02:02:00.000-07:00

Men love coffee. Men also love women. If you're a guy, did you ever compared coffee with women? Moreover, did you ever use that as pickup lines to get hot chick? No? Then I'll tell you how:

Things I Like about Coffee:

Coffee is hot.
Coffee makes me excited.
Coffee is good enough to have every day.
Coffee smells good.
Coffee makes you nervous sometimes.
Coffee gives you warm & fuzzies.

Things I Like about You:

Pretty much the same as coffee.
And who knows, maybe you taste good & keep me up all night too.

Try that lines to the woman you like (at your own risk, of course)!

Riddle: What Day is it Today?

2011-09-15T23:46:00.000-07:00

This time, we back with riddle, another form of brain teaser to test your wit. This one won't be that difficult for you to solve. However, if you need more challenge, we'd probably back with various hard riddles in near future. So, here goes:

A family is on camping vacation to far far away land without any electricity, news, and cell phone, which makes some of them lost count of the day. One night, the family sitting around the campfire and have the following conversation:

1. Father: What day is it? I am sure it isn't Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.
2. Mother: Well that's not very helpful dear. Besides yesterday was Friday.
3. Father: No, now that I think about it, yesterday wasn't Friday, tomorrow is Friday.
4. Son: The day after tomorrow is Thursday.
5. Daughter: You are nuts. Tomorrow is Thursday.
6. Mother: Actually, it's probably Thursday today.
7. Son: All we know for sure is that it wasn't Sunday yesterday.

If ONLY ONE statement above is TRUE, what day of the week is it?

Some of The Funniest Engrish

2011-08-11T00:56:00.000-07:00

What Japanese cultures are you familiar with? Their fashion and costume play (cosplay)? Cool mech from anime and manga? Beautiful AV idols like Rinka Aiuchi? Or their bad English translation, which also known as Engrish?

The term Engrish itself references Japanese speakers' tendency to inadvertently substitute the English phonemes "R" and "L" for one another. Although, Engrish is not only found in Japan, but also in other East Asian countries, especially Korea and China.

Check out 10 of the funniest Engrish from the pictures below:

Bloopers from Lost Season 5 and 6

2011-07-07T00:59:00.000-07:00

Blooper, also called as outtake, is a common bonus in DVD package. Movie fans usually love it because it contains clips of the mistakes done by the cast members or the crew. Through this short scene, we also can see how actors are not as serious as the role that their playing. Now, let's check couple of bloopers from Lost season 5 and 6.

Lost is a famous sci-fi TV series that aired in 2004-2010, with the total of 6 seasons and 121 episodes. Season 5 and 6 are among the best of all, after the slow season 3-4. Some of the previous recurring characters got upgraded to starring status in those seasons, such as Frank Lapidus (played by Jeff Fahey), Richard Alpert (Nestor Carbonell), and Ilana (Zuleikha Robinson). In the final season, almost all previous cast that have been written out made return appearances, including Ian Sommerhalder, Dominic Monaghan, Maggie Grace, Elizabeth Mitchell, and Michelle Rodriguez.

You can see some of the mentioned actors and actresses in the above Lost season 5 and 6 bloopers.

Funny Answers on Exams

2011-05-30T23:23:00.000-07:00

In your childhood, did you ever face a situation at school where you can't response to a test's question, then give funny answers on exams? This used to be our desperate move in order to gain the teacher's pity, rather than return a blank answer's sheet. Apparently, writes funny answers on exams still a popular trick nowadays, as you can see from these pics:

The Sex Theory

2011-05-10T01:37:00.000-07:00

Let's play with word a little:

Woman has Man in it;

Mrs. has Mr . in it;

Female has Male in it;

She has He in it;

Madam has Adam in it;

No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....

Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME

Cool Office Prank

2011-04-30T01:07:00.000-07:00

Practical joke or prank is still the number one way to embarrass person in front of others, and office is still the number one spot to do it. Try this cool prank to your co-workers, and you can see that their face's expressions when you fooled them are invaluable.

Hilarious Flirting Quotes

2011-04-24T23:39:00.000-07:00

These are some quotes that usually used by man to pickup a girl. Not always working, but they surely funny, so try them at your own risk. Check Foolish Pickup Lines if the ones we gave you below aren't good enough to get you a girlfriend.

"You remind me of my next girlfriend."

"Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?"

"It’s not my fault that I fell for you, you tripped me!"

"Oops! I lost my mobile number! Could I have yours?"

"Are you lost ma’am? Because heaven is a long way from here."

"I have had a really bad day today and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you please smile for me?"

"If nothing lasts for ever, will you be my nothing?"

"You’re so sweet there’s a wanted poster for you at the candy store."

"If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life."

Funny Pics of The Day

2011-03-24T23:21:00.000-07:00

Here are some update for funny pictures section. We hope these hilarious images can help enlighten your busy day. Cheers!

Education

Why Woman Can't be a Mechanic

Men's Worst Fear

Creative Advertising

Baseball in Heaven

2011-03-15T01:11:00.000-07:00

Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans.

One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; they had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven.

Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost.

A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says "Billy, it is so good to see you...so tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?".

"Well", Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news for ya.

First the good news...YES, there is baseball in heaven!".

"Thank God!" Joe shouts...

"What is the bad news?!".

"You're pitching tomorrow."

The Difference Between Elder and Youngster

2011-01-24T05:12:00.000-08:00

Cartoons Update

2010-10-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

Marriage

It's Not What You Think

A Real Blond Attitude

2010-10-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

Blond hair, pink dress, fur pink coat, pink car, customized plate number, and parking in handicapped space. This is really an original blonde attitude.

Chocolate is Better than Relationship

2010-09-24T00:48:00.000-07:00

REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX

You’re never too old to enjoy chocolate.
It’s safe to have chocolate while you’re driving.
You never feel guilty after chocolate.
You can make chocolate last as long as you want.
You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
With chocolate – satisfaction’s guaranteed.

REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN MEN

No one’s ever been jilted by a chocolate gateau.
After telling your chocolate bar all your worries you can simply eat it.
You can share chocolates with your best friend.
A bar of chocolate doesn’t bore you by constantly talking about football.
Your mother will never disapprove of your choice of chocolate.

REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN WOMEN

Chocolate never keeps you waiting.
Chocolate doesn’t get jealous when you look at another chocolate bar.
You never have to buy a box of chocolates for a box of chocolates.
Chocolate doesn’t talk incessantly while you’re watching the football.
It doesn’t expect you to remember the anniversary of the first time you met.
Chocolate never tries to chat up your best friend.
Chocolate isn’t looking for a long term commitment

Some Funny Short Poems

2010-08-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of a literature person, so I never understand about poem, poet, haiku, or anything else with rhymes. But what I do get is, some kind of hilarious poems, especially if they're short like these below:

Obituary

I get up each morning nd dust off my wits,
then pick up the paper nd read the"o-bits."
If my name isn't there, then I know Im not dead.
I eat a good breakfast and go back 2 bed.

Happy Birthday

It’s birthday time again I see
Another year's gone by.
We’re older than we used to be
The thought could make me cry
For getting older is not such fun
When there’s hurting in your back
And it’s agony if you have to run
And a pleasure to lie in the sack

Gold Teeth

If I had all the money in the world,
I’d want a little more.
Not for world peace,
or even to feed the poor.
Not to search the titanic,
to see what’s underneath.
But for something important…
Something like gold teeth.

Hilarious Adult Comic

2010-07-24T05:16:00.000-07:00

Comic always become one of the best source of laugh and entertainment. No matter what the theme are, people always give a high appreciation to funny comics and talented comic artist. That's why we always try to once in a while insert a soft adult comics in this Dummy Jokes blog.

This time, it's a funny adult comic about princess and her lover:

Or What?

2010-07-10T00:57:00.000-07:00

New category, profession jokes, for the firs post let's enjoy this doctor joke.

A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn't had sex with him for 6 months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doc asks her what's wrong, and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband anymore.

The wife tells him, "For the past 6 months, every morning I take a cab to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' so I take a 'or what'. When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this down in the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'.

Back home again I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' so again I take a 'or what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't want it any more."

The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, "So are we going to tell your husband or what?"

Wife of All Time

2010-06-22T06:10:00.000-07:00

Time changes, so does our wife. Don't forget to check other funny comics to brighten your day. Cheers!

Little Bit Math Trick for Your Brain

2010-06-03T02:12:00.000-07:00

Here is a hilarious math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you.

1. Grab a calculator. (You won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first six digits of your mobile number
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer...?

Inside The Vending Machine

2010-05-16T06:26:00.000-07:00

Questions and Answers about Blondes

2010-04-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Adult Comic is Funny!

2010-04-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

This one is an adult comic, still it's fun and hilarious. Much more will come in the future, meanwhile laugh with this Korean comic:

Know Every Song

2010-02-26T05:41:00.000-08:00

This is my first brain teaser post. Try to answer this fun problem below:

A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of £50 notes out of his wallet.
He turns to the rich man and says to him,
"I have an amazing talent: I know almost every song that has ever existed."
The rich man laughs.
The poor man says, "I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it."
The rich man laughs again and says, "Ok how about my daughters name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller."
The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich.

What song did he sing?

Open the comment box to see the answer!