The same is true in parenting. It’s awesome. You get to steward these tiny human creatures. And you love them more than you thought it was possible to love anything. And yet, if we’re not careful, there are things under the surface in our lives—parenting attitudes—that can have very destructive consequences. Here are 5 attitudes to eliminate from your parenting strategy.

1. We have to hurry.

How many times have you raised your voice at your kid, trying to get him out the door, or expressed frustration for how slow she’s moving? If you ask me, the answer is “Too many times to count.” When we’re in a hurry, we’re stressed out and impatient. This can lead us to motivate our kids in ways we’re later ashamed of (threatening, yelling, manipulating). But what can you do? Sometimes they just have to get moving, right?

While you might not be able to eliminate hurry entirely from your life, you can work to slow down. Of course, this isn’t easy. It will require you to begin identifying things that aren’t essential and saying no to them. It might mean turning the game off so you can get more sleep and wake up earlier to have a more relaxed morning. Or maybe it’s planning simpler meals, so they take less preparation time, allowing more time to eat together. Whatever the strategy, it starts by realizing that you really can’t do everything, so stop trying.

2. The kids have to be involved in everything.

The other day, I spoke with a friend who has young kids. I asked how life was, and he proceeded to share a list of activities his kids were involved in, which meant he had to shuttle them to multiple events every day of the week, including Sunday. But that was just normal, to him. It was what he thought it meant to be a good dad. Many of us feel the pressure to have our kids involved in sports, theater, music, and a youth group, all the while taking honors classes and maintaining a rich social life. We don’t want our kids to miss out on anything, and we want to give them every possible advantage—whether it’s summer math tutoring, extra batting practice with a hitting coach, or voice lessons so she can shine in the choir—so we sign them up for everything.

However, being busy all the time isn’t good for kids. Of course, there are seasons when it’s necessary, but if it becomes normal, you can easily create an environment in which the most important things, like conversations with your kids, their creativity, and their (and your) peace of mind, will suffer. Providing your child with opportunities is really good. But both they and you have limits, and it’s critical for everyone’s well-being to recognize that.

3. I’m afraid of everything.

Fear is one of the most dangerous parenting attitudes. We’re all afraid at times. We’re afraid our kids will miss out on key life experiences; we’re afraid of strangers kidnapping them; and we’re afraid they might not get into a top college. We’re afraid social media will destroy them, but we’re also afraid they’ll be made fun of if they aren’t on TikTok. Parenting out of fear leads to kids doing everything because we don’t want them to miss out, and doing nothing because we don’t want them to get hurt. In short, we rarely make good decisions when we’re motivated by fear.

The reality is you can’t live well without taking a few risks. Think of the most amazing moments of your life. They probably involved some level of risk: You got on a plane, tried out for the team, and asked her to marry you. If we want our kids to live full and meaningful lives, we’ve got to allow them (encourage them, even!) to take risks. That doesn’t mean we should throw caution to the wind, but we need to figure out how to quiet that voice of fear in our minds and move to a place of wisdom. Practices like prayer, having older, wiser friends, and counseling can help us move away from fear-based parenting attitudes.

4. If only I were as wealthy/funny/adventurous as he is.

Did you see that vacation they went on? I wish I had thought of doing that with my kids when they were young! We’re all prone to comparing ourselves to others. And parenting can be so challenging that we’re often looking for help, advice, and answers (it’s why you read All Pro Dad!). While it’s great to look to others for advice, when you compare yourself to other parents, you end up trying to be someone you’re not. And what your kids need the most is the best version of you!

You are unique. And your uniqueness is a gift to your kids. Really. Maybe you’re not the dad who takes his kids on safaris, coaches all the teams, or takes the most amazing vacations. That’s OK. They don’t need that. What they do need is for you to love them and be present with them. Sure, steal some good ideas from other dads—we all do that! But don’t try to be someone you’re not. The world needs different people shaped by different experiences. It needs you to parent as you, not as someone else.

5. We think we have to fix every failure.

We want our kids to succeed. So when they fail, it’s easy for us to focus on fixing their failures. This can make us overly critical. We regularly harp on the fact that they didn’t get the “A,” or why they didn’t make the team, or how they didn’t stick with music lessons. We do it because we believe they have potential, but they hear it as criticism and judgment. Before long, the soundtrack playing in their mind is all about what they can’t do, and it begins to shape the way they see themselves.

What your child needs from you is someone who can identify her gifts and call them out. Of course, you want her to work hard. But the key to her development isn’t her performance, it’s her effort. Praise her for the work she puts in, not the results she gets out. Help her identify activities that align with her gifts and engage in those. And when she fails (as she certainly will), teach her how to embrace failure and learn from it. These are lessons that will serve her far longer than a perfect report card.

Sound off: What parenting attitudes do you struggle with?

The post 5 Attitudes to Eliminate From Your Parenting Strategy appeared first on All Pro Dad.

The longer we hold on as dads, the less capable our kids become. We think we’re being helpful by doing things we think they can’t handle. It’s kind, right? Not entirely. It’s delaying growth. It’s stunting maturity. It’s making them weaker. This may all sound super dramatic, considering we’re talking about skate laces, but you’re probably doing things right now that are also preventing your kids from building strength. And I don’t mean just physical strength. Do you realize you may be doing this? Building resilience in children and teaching them that they are capable human beings is something we need to work on. If not, the consequences are dire. Here are 10 ways dads make their kids weaker.

1. Solving Every Problem for Them

My kids ask for help with schoolwork all the time. I can solve for X much faster than they can, but how are they going to learn if I’m holding the pencil? Dads fast-track solutions frequently. When we step in during playground arguments or prevent an impulsive toy purchase, we remove the situations that develop problem-solving skills and resiliency. The result is a less capable kid. Now, if they’re getting hurt, intervene. Or if you see them blowing an obscene amount of money, speak up. But consider the difference between what’s “heavy” and “too heavy” for your kids. Only step in to help when problems become too heavy.

2. Letting Them Quit Too Easily

There are times when it’s OK to let kids quit. But there is value in sticking things out, too. When friendships get complicated or part-time jobs feel demanding, walking away isn’t always the best solution. Instead of giving kids a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card, balance empathy with reassurance. This is where we get to share wisdom.

James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all.” If our kids are considering quitting something, it’s time to share our wisdom. Remind them that discomfort can still have value, character is formed in gritty moments, and life requires perseverance. They may still ultimately quit, but wisdom brings clarity to the choice. Reminding them they can do hard things is one way we start building resilience in children.

3. Over-Praising Them

Dads should definitely consider what 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says—“Encourage one another and build each other up.” But there is a difference between being encouraging and giving them praise for every little thing. Saying things like “You’re the best artist ever” after every drawing, or celebrating expected behavior, can unintentionally teach kids to rely on external validation or to anticipate rewards. Both make them weaker because they’ll get the false impression that they are already amazing, so why bother maturing, improving, or learning? Celebrate character, effort, and growth often, but not every accomplishment deserves exaggerated praise.

4. Managing Responsibilities They Should Own

I do not pack my daughter’s music notebook anymore. She knows it’s her job to bring her instrument and sheet music to lessons. We arrived once without them, and her teacher wasn’t happy. Dads weaken their kids when we take responsibility for things they should own. I could have double-checked before we left, but I didn’t because we’d talked about how that was her responsibility. If your kids are younger, show them some grace as you try to teach responsibility. As they age, back off and let them take over.

5. Shielding Them From Failure

I remember being angry as a kid when I’d see classmates’ science projects. Mine looked sloppy because I did them on my own. Many of theirs looked perfect. Clearly, their parents helped. I wonder if they were worried the kid might fail without help. If so, that’s a big mistake. Failure is one of life’s greatest gifts for kids. Parents don’t always see it that way. Getting back up after inevitable struggles makes kids stronger, but with the prevalence of helicopter and bulldozer parenting, kids aren’t given that chance. Blocking them from experiencing the consequences of failure may spare embarrassment or hurt feelings today, but it also prevents maturity tomorrow. After failing, kids get to choose to fold or persevere. Building resilience in children means encouraging them to try things that may be unsuccessful.

6. Making Life Too Comfortable

Making life too easy is similar to shielding them from failure, but with a distinct difference. Failure assumes they’ve tried something hard. Comfort sets in when kids aren’t challenged. They settle into comfort, like engaging with people online instead of in person, because being around people involves relational risk. If things go sideways online, you can just ghost someone. Face-to-face conflict requires us to deal with uncomfortable moments. Given the choice, many kids would never leave their comfort zone. We talked about this in Episode 114 of the All Pro Dad podcast. Constant entertainment, convenience, and instant solutions can train kids to expect comfort instead of learning endurance, patience, and grit. Kids who get too comfortable never develop the desire to grow.

7. Giving Them Everything They Want

My family was walking through a gift shop when my 6-year-old spotted something she had to have—a gem-studded tiara. She pleaded for one. She even showed me her puppy dog eyes. I knew already she had a few at home, so I said, “Not this time.” Within an hour, she’d forgotten all about it.

Giving in and saying “yes” to every request could spoil them. They might begin to think that getting what they want requires little effort. There is value in denying yourself and waiting for things you want. It’s fun to give our kids gifts, but if we give them everything they ask for, the distinctiveness and special feelings that come with them will wear off.

8. Removing the Need to Work Hard

My son wanted to buy a 3D printer, but he only had about half the money needed. I told him I’d front him the difference, but he needed to pay back what he owed. He agreed. Could I have just bought it for him? Yes. But the lesson stuck because I required him to work. He’s almost done paying it off now and is eager to hit that goal.

Proverbs 13:4 says, “Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper.” Our kids need to put in sweat, time, and effort to get what they want because gratitude follows effort. There’s usually a payoff for hard work. I want my kids to give full effort.

9. Making Every Decision for Them

My daughter wanted to set up a lemonade stand in our front yard, and I caught myself doing a lot of the decision-making. Where should we leave signs? How much should we charge? I was too hands-on. I stepped back and let her make decisions so she could learn what worked and what didn’t.

Kids need opportunities to have creative control. That doesn’t happen when Dad is calling all the shots. She made a few bucks selling drinks and learned how to count our change. More importantly, she learned she didn’t need me to think for her. Let your kids do things and watch how capable they really are.

10. Not Trusting God With Their Lives

Kids will face challenges, disappointments, and sometimes situations that feel beyond their ability to handle. Developing a trust in God for their lives helps them know they aren’t alone as they navigate their way through life. It gives them wisdom as they discern decisions. As James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” Knowing this gives kids a sense of peace that a loving God is with them.

However, their trust in God is often dependent on our level of trust in God. So, the question we need to ask ourselves is, do we trust God with our kids’ lives? Every attempt to micromanage our kids and grab for control to limit risks, ensure a pain-free life, and good outcomes communicates that we don’t trust God with their lives, and so neither should they. Ultimately, it leaves kids feeling more uneasy and anxious about the course of their lives.

Sound off: In what areas of your life are you building resilience in children?

The post 10 Ways Dads Make Their Kids Weaker appeared first on All Pro Dad.

And yet, our teens are missing a few important things that are critical to their healthy development. But we can help with the challenges that teenagers face today. Here are 5 things teens have lost and what you can do about them.

1. Intergenerational Connections

Whether it’s marketing, church programming, or extracurricular activities, so much of what we do segregates us by age. This, of course, simply plays to the tendency most teens have to identify with other teens and push back on relationships with older individuals. One of the challenges teenagers face today is this lack of intergenerational relationships. They are vital, as they offer wisdom and perspective that are often lacking among our teens.

So how do we change this? It won’t be easy, but we can start by refusing to accept the idea that teens and adults can’t have conversations. Look for opportunities to connect your teen with trustworthy adults—youth leaders, coaches, teachers, neighbors, and others. Invite these people to your home and spend time with your teens and them together. If you’re part of a faith community, have your teen join with the adults in worship. Force them to get a job where they’re working alongside older individuals and encourage them to get to know them. Helping your teen build these relationships will take hard work. But the results can be truly life-changing for her.

2. Seeing the Big Picture

Teens can be a bit shortsighted. This is fed by social circles that are full of other teens, social media feeds that cater to their interests, as well as a relatively small set of life experiences from which to get perspective. The result can be a very skewed sense of how the world works and an unreasonable emotional response to what otherwise might be small things (drama in her friend group, something happening with her favorite celebrity, and so forth).

So how do we help our teens see the big picture? Slowly. One temptation for parents is to laugh off our teens’ narrow views rather than take them seriously—if not the idea itself, the person. Listen to your teen’s perspective, ask questions. Really seek to understand. Then share your thoughts. Listen to podcasts, read books, and listen to music together. Listen well to her, but then invite her to consider alternatives. Not only will it provide some perspective, but it’ll also deepen your relationship.

3. Enough Time

Wait, don’t teens have 24 hours a day, just like everyone else? Sure. But one of the great challenges teenagers face is the large number of activities vying for their 24 hours. Whether it’s homework, sports, jobs, or even (maybe especially) screen time, our teens’ lives are absolutely full. And often we as parents feel like we can’t, or shouldn’t, step in to help them arrange their time better (for some of us, it might be because we have the same problem!).

But it turns out, our teens need us to. Whether it’s setting limits on screen time, budgeting their time for homework, or setting boundaries around the number of after-school activities they participate in, teens need help learning to manage their time in ways that create margin. So, Dad, don’t let your teen manage his schedule on his own. Teach him.

4. Silence: From Spotify, TikTok, Peers—Even You

Most of our teens almost never experience silence. They’re listening to music as they study, scrolling endlessly on their phones, and texting constantly with friends. There’s always background noise. This might be entertaining, but it’s also unhealthy—creating anxiety, increasing our stress levels, and making it hard to focus on other things. Studies like this one from the Cleveland Clinic show that we need silence for a variety of health benefits, yet our teens’ lives are almost completely devoid of it. What do you do?

Well, for starters, you can set limits on phone use in their room, particularly at bedtime. Have conversations with them about the effects of constant noise on their nervous system. Take walks with your teen during which she is not allowed to wear ear buds. Finally, model healthy practices yourself. Before asking when the last time was that my teen had silence, ask yourself, “When was the last time I had silence in my life?” It’s hard to encourage something you don’t actively experience yourself.

5. A Sense of Hope

Teens can be cynical. In fact, the lack of hope for a good future is one of the foremost challenges teenagers face today. Much of this is warranted: Political and religious leaders fail spectacularly, publicly, and regularly. The excitement around new technology like AI also generates concerns around its long-term environmental impact. Even technology itself is often viewed as suspect (AI fears are rampant). And yet, you can’t live well, if at all, without hope.

So how do we instill a sense of hope in our teens? First, live with hope yourself. Once again, you can’t give what you don’t have. If you find yourself defaulting to cynicism, you’ll need to check yourself before you can challenge your teen. The good news is the path to hopefulness is the same for both you and your teen: Spend less time scrolling and paying attention to the news. Spend more time praying, exercising, talking with your neighbors, reading beautiful fiction, and listening to music that inspires you. Your sense of hope— along with your teen’s— is largely tied to where you place your attention. Be intentional about what you give your attention to.

Sound off: What are some other challenges that teenagers face today?

Dads, your support makes all the difference when your teen is facing anxiety and stress. Listen to this podcast episode to learn how to help them navigate hidden pressures.

The post 5 Things Teens Have Lost Today appeared first on All Pro Dad.

If we act like that talented but condescending player at home, we’ll slowly alienate our most important teammate—our wife. Every word we say to and around her matters, and not just because she matters. If what we say dismisses, belittles, or disregards our wives, then our kids have just been given permission to do the same. Here are 5 things dads must stop saying in marriage.

1. “Whatever you want, it doesn’t matter to me.”

I get it. We may not actually care about the color of a new rug. But deferring is disengaging. When we say some variation of “Whatever you want,” we’re being indecisive and passing on responsibility. We don’t want our wives (or kids) thinking what matters to them isn’t important or that we’d rather not do any heavy lifting. You’re in a partnership. Don’t give your family the chance to think it’s lopsided. Not everything has to be 50–50, but saying this feels like 90–10, which heaps an unnecessary burden on your wife and tells your kids responsibilities don’t need to be shared.

Instead, say: “I trust your judgment.” If she specifically asks for your opinion, add, “Let’s look at the options together.”

2. “Why are you getting so upset?”

We have all said something to hurt our wives’ feelings. The worst thing you can say after this is, “Why are you getting so upset?” especially if your tone is critical. Tone matters here. If you’re caring, this will land better.

Maybe you think she’s overreacting. Maybe you don’t see why this has risen to a “big deal.” None of that matters more than her feelings in the moment, and when we question the authenticity or legitimacy of her emotions, we’ve created a bigger problem. Her feelings are valid. Stifling them is dismissive and hints that you think some emotions are acceptable while others should be stuffed down or ignored.

Instead, say: “I can see you’re upset. Help me understand what I’m missing.”

3. “I’ll do it later.”

You’re in the middle of watching a game on Thursday night, and your wife asks you to help with the dishes. Too often, “I’ll do it later” turns into “I never got around to it.” “Later” is an ambiguous word and definitely what not to say to your wife. It also clearly displays your priorities. The more often you put off things that are important to your wife, the more you communicate to her that your interests trump hers.

Instead, say: “I will get to this as soon as I can” or “Please remind me in five minutes.” Sometimes you really are busy, but try to set a time to accomplish things that would bless your family.

4. “I’m just joking—relax.”

Have you ever blurted out something that sounded hilarious in your head but landed like a jab? I think we all have. When husbands do this, they cross over from kidding to crushing. It wounds. To make it plain, if your wife isn’t laughing, it wasn’t a joke.

Instead, say: “I’m sorry. That was intended to be funny, but I can see it hurt you.” Speak kindly to your wife. Use your words as a shield, not to spear. If you’ve hurt her feelings, take ownership of your mistake.

5. “Must be nice.”

If this is your response when your wife gets a break, goes out with friends, or buys something for herself, you’ve hinted it’s undeserved. She has or is doing something, and it feels unnecessary to you. All she’ll hear is resentment or jealousy or assume she isn’t worthy.

Instead, say: “You really deserve this break.” Rest is good for everyone. Don’t make your wife feel guilty about hers.

Sound off: When are you most likely to say something you regret to your wife?

The post Dan Orlovsky: 5 Things Dads Must Stop Saying in Marriage appeared first on All Pro Dad.

Have you found yourself surprised by how your wife responded to a “simple” mistake? Perhaps you were taken aback by how angry or sad she was. It’s possible, maybe even likely, that the problem isn’t the thing you did but her sense that you are never really listening. You think you are, but there are lots of things getting in the way that you might not be cognizant of. Here are the real 5 reasons you’re not listening to your wife and how to be a better listener going forward.

1. Your priorities are off.

What’s the most important thing you could be doing right now? Depends on the moment, right? However, most of the time, if you’re in a conversation with your wife, the most important thing you can be doing is right there in front of you: listening to her. But if we’re honest, active listening in marriage is hard. Often, we’ve got two or three (or seven) other things running through our minds, and it’s easy to take your wife for granted.

If you want to be a better listener in marriage, then you need to put in the work to prioritize even seemingly mundane conversations. Pause what you’re doing. Make eye contact with your wife. Ask clarifying questions. Say back to her what you think she said. Not only will you do a better job of listening, but she’ll actually feel heard.

2. You’re hurried.

One of the biggest challenges to active listening in marriage is our pace of life. We are rushing from one thing to the next, often passing one another like ships in the night. We’re tossing logistics back and forth to make sure all the kids’ activities are accomplished while everyone gets dinner and finishes their homework. And all of this happens while trying to respond to emails from your clients and checking when the game starts later. In the midst of this chaos, actually listening to your wife can simply be a luxury you can’t afford.

If you want to listen better, slow down. Work to create margin in your daily activities so that you can have space to pause and focus on what your wife is actually saying to you. Of course, this will be challenging. Slowing down has a price. Namely, you’ll have to grapple with the reality that you simply can’t do it all. At the same time, taking the time to listen well and communicate with your wife will increase your ability to work together on the most pressing tasks.

3. You’re tired.

Of course you are. You’re reading this because you’re a dad. This means you are undoubtedly juggling way too many things and not sleeping as much as you should. And when you’re tired, focusing is hard. The energy required for active listening in marriage is hard to come by. You’re quicker to tune out or jump to your own conclusions because it’s just easier.

On the one hand, you should get some rest. It’s important not only for your health but also for your relationship. That said, it’s a bit idealistic to imagine that you can just make the decision to get all the sleep you need. With kids, sometimes other factors are at play. But when optimum rest is not possible, when you must simply accept that you are tired, you should also acknowledge it to your wife. This isn’t an excuse, but it is a reason why you may not be as attentive as you’d otherwise like to be. And understanding your state of mind might help her engage with you more effectively.

4. You’re speaking different languages.

Different folks communicate differently. The language you speak isn’t just about the words you use, but about how you see the world. You may think in terms of factual, data-based, solution-oriented information. Your wife may think in terms of relational, emotion-based, peace-oriented engagement. So when you’re addressing an issue together, you’re talking about the same thing, but you’re using different language. For example, when discussing whether you should move, you talk about cost savings, a better location, or how the home better suits your needs. However, your wife might talk about access to family and friends, the impact on the kids, and the ability to host social gatherings.

How do you listen well? You learn a new language. That doesn’t mean you come to agree with how your wife evaluates things, but you do work to understand. Ask questions. Don’t rush to judgment. Seek to understand, not just to be understood.

5. You’re lazy.

Listening is hard. Attention requires effort. And sometimes, you’re just not putting in the work. On the one hand, it’s understandable that lots of things in your life take effort. Sometimes you just don’t have the energy. But occasionally, you’re just lazy. You’d rather watch the game or deal with the work email than listen to your wife. And when those are the choices you make, you reap frustration, hurt, and distance.

I wish I could give you a quick-fix strategy for curing your laziness, but there isn’t one. If you want to build trust and understanding, you’re going to have to be willing to work at it. You won’t always feel like it. You may not enjoy it all the time. But in the end, if you actively listen to your wife, your relationship will deepen—and that’s worth the effort.

Sound off: What else causes you not to listen well to your wife?

When dads take the lead at home, the whole family connects. Listen to this podcast to learn how to step up!

The post The Real 5 Reasons You’re Not Listening to Your Wife appeared first on All Pro Dad.

Over the years, there have been moments when my kids have literally taught me something that I didn’t know. Sometimes, it was a lesson about new technology. Other times, it has been an explanation about the meaning of teenage slang. But alongside all the things I’ve learned from my kids, I’ve learned even more about life, about myself, and about what really matters because I’m their dad. Normally, we think about what we’ll teach our children and not what adults can learn from having kids. But here are 5 things parenting teaches you.

1. Doing little things together is important.

Over the last couple of years, my favorite hockey team lost the Stanley Cup Final twice. I expected my kids would be devastated by these losses: They’ve never had the chance to go to championship parades like I did when I was a kid. But I’ve discovered my kids care more about the time we spend together than the result of the game. If I can find time to watch three hours of hockey every other night in April, May, and June, I can certainly carve out time to be with my kids the rest of the year too. When they see me choose to do less work or put down my phone to spend time with them, I’m reinforcing how important it is to spend time with them. Parenting teaches you that kids want time with you, and it doesn’t matter if it’s a big celebration or event. Little moments here and there matter.

2. Plans can change at a moment’s notice.

My kids know that if I’m working, I don’t usually answer the phone, but if it’s an emergency, they should call back right away. When my daughter’s face popped up on the call display a second time in thirty seconds, I knew something was up. She had been in a serious car accident and was about to be taken by ambulance to the hospital to be checked out. It didn’t matter that I was at work and had plans that night: I dropped everything to make sure she was OK. (And thankfully, she has been.) Being a parent has taught me that my plans can change at a moment’s notice, and that’s OK. You’d do anything for your kids.

3. It’s OK if things are messy.

The first time my daughter pushed her muddy boots into the back of my seat, I got upset. The light-gray upholstery showed the boot prints clearly, and I didn’t want them there. I got home and immediately set to work on cleaning them. It took me a while to figure it out, but it really didn’t matter. The back of my car is going to be messy. There are going to be maddening things like holes in the wall of my basement too. These moments of messiness are an important part of kids’ childhoods, which Heartland Health explains shape “children who feel loved, safe, and encouraged to grow in every way possible.” If I want my kids to feel that way, I need to learn to embrace the messes.

4. You can’t control every little thing.

My ten-year-old was working on a school presentation and showed me the PowerPoint she’d prepared. She had spent hours putting it together, using all kinds of different fonts, colors, photos, and transitions. I bit down on my tongue, hard. She wanted to show me what she’d done. But I wanted to rework every slide in the presentation to look the way I would have made them. I’ve never felt such an urge to micromanage anything as I have my kids. I could nitpick them about every action and every decision. But that would make me a huge burden to them. Rather than focusing on all the little things, I need to step back and ask what they really need from me.

5. Your kids can bring out the worst in you.

I’m not proud of how I reacted that night. We’d just had a great time washing the car together when my son decided to turn the pressure washer on a patch of dirt at the bottom of the driveway. Pretty soon, the driveway, the car, and my son were covered in mud, and I got mad. One of the things all of us adults learn from having kids is just how quickly they can make our blood boil. I find this happens especially when I see them making the same kind of bad decisions I made when I was younger. Sadly, the kids usually get more than they deserve when I get upset. As a dad, I need to learn to control my temper. But I also have the chance in these moments to model to my kids what you do when you get something wrong: you own it, you apologize, and you try to do better the next time.

Sound off: What else can adults learn from having kids?

The post 5 Things Parenting Teaches You appeared first on All Pro Dad.

Knowing what needs to be said is half the battle. Knowing how to say it is the other. Leaders must master both to keep their teams from getting worried. That’s easy to type and much harder to do. But if you’re a leader, this falls on your shoulders. How do you do it well? Here are 5 must-dos when you have tough news to deliver.

1. Provide as much clarity as possible.

A scuba diver knows it’s not ideal, and likely unsafe, to swim in murky water. Similarly, when employees are left feeling unclear about their direction at work or how to respond to office news, they probably feel underprepared and uncomfortable. That’s why leaders should always make things as clear as possible. When clarity is lacking, suspicions arise. People begin to make up answers to their own questions. Maybe you have good reasons for keeping a few details private, but try to be as open as possible by saying things like, “I’ll give you as much information as I can.” This clarity will help people see that you care about them, that you don’t want to hide things from them unnecessarily. You truly desire what’s best for your organization.

2. Remember that honesty is always best.

Be upfront with the people you’re leading to the best of your ability. It establishes trust. If you’ve just made a big announcement, it’s possible you’ll get more information to share in the future. If that’s the case, update people when you can. But giving people the truth of what you know in the moment is important. It’s the right thing to do, and your employees will be less likely to question your authenticity in the future.

3. Reassure people of what’s solid.

Nobody likes instability or the possibility that it may be coming. Reassure the people you work with about what remains firm. People will always feel uneasy when you call meetings to discuss difficult things, but if you can provide enough information to reassure them that not everything is problematic, your co-workers will be grateful, and their minds will be more at ease. This is the responsibility of a good leader.

4. Reaffirm the overall vision and mission.

Does this bad news impact the overall direction of your company, team, or organization? If the answer is no, say so. If you’re still working toward the same goal as always but just hit a bump in the road, reaffirm that your ultimate mission remains unchanged. That will steady nerves. It will offer people hope that even though one element of the process isn’t working as usual, the train is still on the tracks. If your overall destination hasn’t changed, it’s important to make sure the people you’re leading know that.

5. Remind people you’re available to talk.

After you’ve finished sharing news with the group, leave them with one final message: “My door is open. You can come talk to me whenever you’d like.” Popping out of your office, quickly delivering bad news, and then retreating back behind a closed door will leave people feeling suspicious. Remind the people you’re leading that they have the right to meet with you. It’s the mark of a good leader to invite questions, even hard ones.

Sound off: What moment helped teach you how to deliver bad news?

The post 5 Must-Dos When You Have Tough News to Deliver at Work appeared first on All Pro Dad.

When I was a kid, the end of summer vacation was a hard day because it meant the end of sleeping in and summer adventures. As an adult who gets summers off, heading back to work means the end of days spent with your wife and kids. These last weeks of summer are an important time to invest in your marriage. If you want to make the most of these days with your wife, here are 11 end-of-summer date ideas.

1. Look for a beautiful sunset.

Depending on where you live, a great sunset can be hard to find. So go looking for one. With the days getting shorter again, taking a drive out to the country or looking for a rooftop where you can watch the sun go down might solve that for you.

2. Have dinner under the stars.

The temperature is still nice enough to eat outside. You could take advantage of a restaurant patio before it closes for the winter. For a thriftier option, take advantage of your backyard seating and grill some burgers for just the two of you.

3. Take a mock camping trip in your own backyard.

A great end-of-summer date idea would be to create a mock camping trip in your own backyard. Set up a tent in the backyard, and after roasting marshmallows around the fire, play Scrabble on your sleeping bags, or just talk, dream, or listen to music. And if you don’t want to spend the night too far from your bathroom, head inside after the game is over to sleep in your bed.

4. Find a new favorite at a farmer’s market.

Head to your local farmer’s market and see what they have to offer. Maybe you’ll find your favorite fresh veggies or pie, and maybe you’ll discover something you’ve never tried before. The key is to wander through the market together and see what’s new or exciting.

5. Take in a cheap game.

In many towns, you’re likely to find minor league baseball and football teams with cheap tickets. Buy a pair of tickets to a game and soak in the whole experience together: popcorn, ice cream, and the giant foam finger.

6. Find what’s unique in your community.

Search Google for activities that close in the fall. In Edmonton, we have an old riverboat and a corn maze that make unique and seasonal date nights. Search up what your community might have to offer and get out to enjoy it.

7. Take a soak in a hot tub.

Many of us don’t have a hot tub at home, so look for a hotel or Airbnb that offers one. You could even go to your local swimming pool and relax together in the hot tub there. The key is to find a hot tub and spend some quality time with your wife.

8. Explore the options at a u-pick farm.

Spend an afternoon picking berries at a local u-pick farm. When you get home, you can get a second date out of this when you turn those berries into jam or pie or something else that’s delicious.

9. Get out on the water.

For another end-of-summer date idea, go find some water. If you like fishing (or even if you’re willing to try), get a couple of fishing rods, go stand on a dock, and see what happens when you cast your lines. You could also rent a canoe and paddle around a local lake together before the weather turns.

10. Have a three- or four-course food truck meal.

Make a list of the different food trucks in your area. Plan a multi-course menu that will make you drive around town to sample from different food trucks. You could even make different menus and try twice as many foods.

11. Have a backyard game tournament.

From badminton to ladder ball, bocce ball to the classic cornhole, there are dozens of games people love to play in their backyards. Buy or borrow a bunch of these and create your own triathlon or pentathlon of games. Keep score and make it an annual tradition!

Sound off: What are some other end-of-summer date ideas?

The post 11 End-of-Summer Date Ideas appeared first on All Pro Dad.

Have you ever looked around and compared your experience to another parent and thought, “Why does it seem like it’s going so easily for them? Why is it such a struggle for us?” And look, having kids that don’t sleep is not nearly as difficult or even in the same category as a child with chronic health challenges or developmental difficulties. But we all need to learn how to cope with the difficulties in front of us. Here are 5 ways to deal with parenting challenges.

1. Take care of your spouse.

I’ve seen problems with kids dividing a lot of married couples. Difficulties with kids are exhausting and frustrating, and that can make us lash out at our spouses. We have to remember in those moments that we are on the same team, and if we don’t have one another’s backs, then we’re that much closer to our family falling apart. With our sleep problem, I try to get up with the kids in the morning so my wife can sleep more. In what ways can you be a good teammate to your spouse? Or perhaps you’re not married to your child’s mother, but you’re still raising that child together. How can you support one another to help your kid?

2. Adjust your attitude.

There are times when circumstances are really hard, and you need to complain, vent, or even mourn dreams you had about how it was going to be with kids. That’s understandable and perhaps needed. But after that, we need to face reality with courage and resolve. In fact, our kids need us to. So, after working through the initial emotions, we need to adjust our attitudes and then figure out the best way to address what’s in front of us.

3. Manage your expectations.

Along with adjusting our attitudes, we need to manage our expectations. When my friends and family spoke about their kids sleeping well, I had that expectation for my kids. All kids are unique, and each parenting experience is different. Having expectations or a perfect picture in our minds will only lead to disappointment, frustration, and, in some cases, self-pity. That’s a disservice to our kids. They need nurturing and guidance based on who they are, not what we expect them to be.

4. Learn.

There’s a lot you will learn by studying your child and becoming an expert in who they are and how they behave. That knowledge is helpful. However, there are parents out there who have walked the same road. Seek them out, listen to their stories, regrets, and victories. Learn from them. There are also professionals and experts who can give you insight into your child’s development and strategies you can use that will help your kids grow, mature, heal, and maybe even solve the problems you’re facing. So, make an appointment with a doctor, therapist, or specialist who can assist and educate you.

5. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

It may seem selfish to say that we need to take care of ourselves, but we need to do it. It’s hard to give when you’re running on empty. What are the things that rejuvenate you? For me, it’s working out and cooking. Check in with your spouse to find a good time for you to do the things that rejuvenate you. For our family, I get up in the early morning when everyone is still asleep to work out, and then I come home and take care of the kids. Maybe for you it’s taking a nap or going for a walk. Whatever it is, do it and take care of yourself.

Sound off: Have you ever felt exhausted or discouraged by parenting challenges? What helped you keep going?

The post Reid Ferguson: 5 Ways to Deal With Parenting Challenges appeared first on All Pro Dad.

It’s easy for adults to roll their eyes when they hear about teens being overwhelmed. After all, most of our kids have it easier than we did when it comes to the responsibilities they carry. However, they face far more complex social realities than most of their parents did. Social media, a constant barrage of information, goals their parents have for them, and the expectation that they have strong opinions on all things, can all lead to feeling overwhelmed, which can show up as procrastination or a lack of motivation. And overall, American teens report higher stress rates than adults. So how can we respond? Here are 5 ways to walk with a teen who is overwhelmed.

1. Be present.

One of the temptations we face when figuring out how to help an overwhelmed teenager is to explain to her how she’s overreacting. We think that she needs better information. “It’s really not that bad,” you say. But better information doesn’t change someone’s perception of reality. What she needs is to know she’s not alone. She needs your presence. That doesn’t mean simply being physically present, but also being emotionally present, listening well, and encouraging her. Don’t rush to fix her. Rush to be with her.

2. Help him prioritize.

We all struggle to prioritize our obligations. With so many things vying for our attention, sometimes we struggle to figure out whether we should mow the yard, watch the game or spend time with our wives. How much more difficult is it for our teens whose frontal lobes are still developing? The frontal lobe is in charge of executive function: decision making, problem solving, and managing attention. And it won’t be fully developed until they are in their mid-20’s. Add to that the onslaught of information and stimulation teens receive via social media, instant access to entertainment online, and constant connection to friends, and you can see why priorities would be a bit out of whack. Take time to work with your teen on setting priorities. Help him set goals—financial goals, academic goals, personal ones—and then help him work toward them. It certainly won’t be easy, but it’ll be a huge gift to your teen.

3. Encourage sleep.

Think about how you feel when you’re really tired. You’re cranky, lethargic, and generally resistant to taking on significant tasks. This is your teen most of the time if she’s not getting adequate sleep. After all, the average teen gets only seven to seven-and-a-half hours of sleep a night, despite needing nine to nine-and-a-half hours. In other words, most teens are walking around exhausted. No wonder they’re overwhelmed. If you’re trying to figure out how to help an overwhelmed teenager, start by making sure she’s getting adequate sleep. You can do this by setting boundaries on phone usage in her room and working with her to set reasonable curfews, especially during the week. She won’t love it, but she does need it.

4. Get help.

Sometimes we’re overwhelmed trying to help our overwhelmed teen. If this is you, get help. There’s no shame in saying you need some assistance, but there is in pretending you’ve got it all under control when you most definitely do not. With your teen’s permission, let people close to him know he’s struggling. Be discerning. Choose people you trust and who you know love your teen. Then invite them to walk with you. An uncle or a youth leader taking him out for a milkshake just to check in can do wonders. An attentive coach or a qualified counselor can be a huge gift. Build a team to walk with your teen. You don’t need to do it alone.

5. Reduce screen time.

It’s almost cliché now to say it, but it’s still critical. Studies show that over half of teenagers spend four hours or more per day on their phones. And we know this creates increased anxiety and depression in our teens. If you want to help an overwhelmed teenager, start with their screen time. Begin small, looking for opportunities to interrupt their usage with conversations, getting outdoors together, playing a card game, or cooking a meal together. Talk openly with your teen about how to connect with her friends or entertain herself in other ways. If necessary, place limits on screen time using parental controls. Taking a break from screens will help clear up some of the overwhelm in your teen’s life.

Sound off: What other advice would you give to a parent who wants to help an overwhelmed teenager?

The post 5 Things Teens Need When They’re Overwhelmed appeared first on All Pro Dad.