durga

2011-12-01T10:13:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure how I ended up painting like this

I always imagined myself with a large table palette. Mixing colors and dabbing paint with brushes Bonnard style. Turns out I'm one step away from a hazmat suit. No cute outfit here. My choice paint could kill me. When I think about it, which is usually about an hour into a session with this mask on, I can only hazard (couldn't resist) a guess. The segue was organic. I needed a paint that could be propelled with enough force to turn lace into a stencil. It also needed to dry instantly so as not to smudge. Thanks to graffitti artists spray paint now comes in every color. The pastel sets of the 21 century. Montana and Beltin are my faves.

"buddy" 36x30 in 2011

So now without a spray booth I have a seasonal approach to painting. In weather above 50 I open all the windows in the studio, arrange fans, don mask, and spray paint away. When temps drop I switch to brushes. Still no Bonnard dabbing but not quite as intense as stumbling around in this mask for hours.

2011-11-26T13:07:00.000-05:00

It's been almost 4 years since my last post. Why start up again now? I believe it's because I'm feeling like I'm losing a grip on time. It's flying by. For instance, I have a friend doing treatment & I could have sworn I started in 2007. By looking at my blog I now see it was 2006. I can't believe that was almost 5 years ago. Anyway If you do get sucked down this rabbit hole some pictures in old posts have been deleted. They either embarrass me or I accidently deleted them. The writing is all there. I seem to remember thinking I needed a blogging break when I began moaning about not being able to buy an Alexander McQueen bag. Now he's dead, had a block bluster museum show, and maybe it really was moan worthy. Time changes one's perspective. Posting a new painting.

Some Pig

2008-12-31T12:18:00.001-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE TO ALL

Christmas 2008

2008-12-26T10:02:00.003-05:00

Here's Robin and Io in front of this year's tree. Turned out that most of the previous years ornaments were destroyed in a fire so we started fresh. The new star is a pink sequined pillow and beaded garlands are providing the extra sparkle. We also added paper chain garlands and snowflakes. I hadn't been able to resist picking up a few new bulbs on the way over so we had those and some over-sized jingle bells. The tree of course is splendid. (Aren't they all?) They seem to take on the shine of the joy of the people decorating them. Keith made a delicious dinner and we sat around admiring our work and catching up on life events. I think this is about our fifth year getting together decorating a tree. I don't remember exactly how it began but I it really kicks of the season for me.

Christmas day itself was really lovely, even with my wicked head cold. We went to Chris' kids house in the am and my moms for the afternoon. Luckily I hadn't lost all sense of taste because my sister Jodie made a really delicious raw marinara sauce which she served over zucchini pasta. We also had sundays, ice cream courtesy of One Lucky Duck.

My Pup...Again.

2008-12-23T11:02:00.003-05:00

These photos were taken a couple of weeks ago by Cheryl Pelavin in her beautiful gallery in Tribeca. Bear is such a, dare I say it, ham!

Christmas Homestretch

2008-12-20T10:27:00.003-05:00

We had snow yesterday which gave Brooklyn nice winter wonderland effect. This is our tree out on the roof. I have a couple of uninterrupted days to spend in the studio so I'm starting some new canvases. I'm both excited and feeling a sense of "Why do I keep painting." I suppose I need to focus on getting a show since I'm feeling lopsided about the work. I keep making it but I feel the need of an audiences energy to really complete it. I can ask some friends over for studio visits, something I'm not really that comfortable with. It's something I would suggest to someone in my situation. Several years ago two of my friends and I all took turns doing visits with each other...it felt good, like something was happening besides a highly time consuming endeavor for ones self. I hate to admit it, but, this is where having a gallery gives you both a sense of validation and value to your art-making practice. Well at least I feel that way this morning. (Which says more about my state of mind than anything else.) In fact, my party line is that "The value of art making can't be tied to outside validation. If it is, it rots." Whatever. I'm going to be mixing up paint and laying down grounds on 4 canvases and then...well, that's the part that has me procrastinating. Seeing who shows up.

Last Week.

2008-12-15T09:14:00.006-05:00

I'm missing watching "True Blood" at night. I was marathoning the series last week. I've padded it out with "Dead Like Me"and "XXXholic" but the truth is I've developed a school girl crush on Vampire Bill. He is a mixture of Collin Firth in "Sense and Sensibility" and Lestat in "Interview with a Vampire." What more could a girl want. It is a social time here in NYC, we had friends in from Berlin, and our inaugural dinner party this week. It was lots of fun and I didn't over-bake the spinach lasagna. Even went to see Pharoah Sanders, a master sax player, though sadly the club "Iridium" was a real downer that evening. The next night at Zebulon made up for it and we all danced till the place closed. Festivities always leave me wistful.

My New Purse.

2008-12-08T13:45:00.002-05:00

First a big shout out to Blair who offered to buy me the real Alexander McQueen bag for my birthday, and to Retha for just understanding the whole unexplainable "bag" thing. As it turns out, yesterday I found this cute one right around the corner on Grand St. It has all the spirit of the McQueen, and I could pay cash for it. Bear even likes it despite the fact that he doesn't fit in it. (I don't think he would have fit in the other one either.) So now because of the friendly price of the bag I can look for some nice black boots. The universe provides!

Nothing Pressing

2008-12-05T10:29:00.004-05:00

I have not been writing here much lately. A shroud of social decorum seems to have descended. I'm not sure why, but lately I feel more like hiding my thoughts and feelings. Perhaps it's the approaching birthday. It signals 'adult" to me and brings with it all my preconceived ideas around being one. How do I craft my outsides to meet my new status. I've been struck with a sudden longing for designer clothes by Alexander McQueen. What with this cute little bag running at $1600+ guess I'll do some creative birthday shopping in the hood. Beside we are in an official recession. Of course if the car makers had any sense... Meanwhile nothing stops Christmas decorations from going up and, well, I love Christmas decorations, and all the muzak too! So I'm gonna just jingle myself into the new day, and, "God Save McQueen!"

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T17:20:00.000-05:00

A Special Prayer of Thanksgiving
The Canticle of Brother Sun and Sister Moon
by St. Francis of Assisi

Praised be You my Lord with all Your creatures, especially Sir Brother Sun,
Who is the day through whom You give us light.
And he is beautiful and radiant with great splendor,
Of You Most High, he bears the likeness.

Praised be You, my Lord, through Sister Moon and the stars,
In the heavens you have made them bright, precious and fair.

Praised be You, my Lord, through Brothers Wind and Air,
And fair and stormy, all weather's moods, by which You cherish all that You have made.

Praised be You my Lord through Sister Water,
So useful, humble, precious and pure.

Praised be You my Lord through Brother Fire,
through whom You light the night and he is beautiful and playful and robust and strong.

Praised be You my Lord through our Sister, Mother Earth
who sustains and governs us, producing varied fruits with colored flowers and herbs.
Praise be You my Lord through those who grant pardon for love of You and bear sickness and trial.

Blessed are those who endure in peace, By You Most High, they will be crowned.

Praised be You, my Lord through Sister Death, from whom no-one living can escape.
Blessed are they She finds doing Your Will.

No second death can do them harm.
Praise and bless my Lord and give thanks,
And serve with great humility.

Cosmo and Pysche

2008-11-11T15:28:00.002-05:00

Last week, election week, I was at The Ralston Retreat cener in Mill Valley. Stan Grof and Richard Tarnas were teaching archetypal astrology and transpersonal psychology. It was the second time I've had the pleasure to study with Stan. They are an awesome combo and I highly recommend you catch either of them if you get the opportunity. Every time I here Stan talk about his Esalen years I well up. If only I had made it there in the 80's. Might have spared myself the, as I like to call it, "decade of hell." Oh well. The week was especially sweet because on Nov. 4th, we, the American people made history. Wednesday morning when I woke up, surrounded by a cathedral of redwoods on Mt.Tamalpais, it really felt like a "new-day-dawning."

Wisdom and Civilization

2008-11-01T09:38:00.004-04:00

This post is long overdue. Haven't been much in the writing mood. These lovely pics were taken by Lindsey from Australia. This course taught by Jim Garrison highlighted the cruciform nature of reality viewing Western Civilization's growth from Athens to present. When things seemed the darkest,(Plague, Inquisition, Holocaust,) Wisdom, in the form of the static feminine begins to call and emerge. Nature's built in safety net so to speak. If the messages are grasped and heeded, internal transformation of the psyche occurs and new solutions to problems can reveal themselves. Against seemingly impossible odds individuals can inspire huge paradigm shifts. Imagine if Obama, as President, made the historical speech that the US would seek to have nothing but renewable energy and green industry by the year 2020. We put a man on the moon and that seemed just as far-fetched when in 1961 John F Kennedy proposed it to congress.

Anyway it was an intense week sorting through civilization and politics and staring hard at the US's shadow and our own individual shadow. Kim Rosen lead the art-as-med portion of the days. She was terrific and inspiring. We didn't seem to waste a minute during the week. The icing on the cake was spending several hours with Blythe, a friend who lives in Santa Fe. She is in the process of making soul collage cards. We chatted and caught up on each others lives while pouring over these. I am always humbled by the beauty and depth of creativity.

The week here in NYC included getting the kitchen counter top installed and writing my paper for my next and last formal intensive. Starting Monday I'll be in Mill Valley studying with Stan Grof and Richard Tarnas. This big push to finish my MA has taken me out of the studio. I still have work from Basel to unpack! I am looking forward to living upstairs and bonding with the new space. Soon, soon.

Embodying Personal Mythology

2008-10-15T13:03:00.004-04:00

photo Kaleo Ching

I am your Grandmothers and Grandfathers.
I am happy with my fine headdress and ermine collar.
I wish for you these things.
Remember we are always with you and fight only for your happiness and well-being.
Put on your headdress daughter...there is war.

As an exercise at the end of Kaleo's course all the mask-makers sat in a circle and let their masks introduce themselves. It is amazing how clear many spoke. Anyway on Monday I spent a few minutes with my mask before mailing it off to myself in Brooklyn. I'll be here on Sat. when it arrives and plan to give it a home in the new studio. Here is a link to the rest of the class and the masks we made.

Dreamtime

2008-10-13T17:16:00.002-04:00

This past week I spent immersed in interpretive dream work. Jeremy Taylor, D.Min was our professor and group facilitator. He's an absolute pleasure to listen too and incredibly generous with his time and observations. Interpreting dreams in a group is awesome. Went far beyond my expectations and I'm going to follow this class up with more. It would be wonderful to get a group of artists going in Brooklyn. The second half of the day was devoted to mask- making with Kaleo Ching. Honestly I can't think of a better combo for coursework. A Native American ancestor emerged in mine. Dark with a beautiful headdress. Personally a very powerful experience especially after this August's vision quest. The thing literally made itself with a kind of ferocity that left me vibrating and kind of embarrassed. I was in the right place though, and I received nothing but positive reinforcement. I'll post a pic once I get home.

Dreaming

2008-10-02T09:59:00.002-04:00

I've had a dream about a former lover two nights in a row. Nothing overt, just started wondering what said person is up to but always feel awkward trying to contact him. This seems to be more of a hetero problem since many of my gay friends seem to carry on close friendships after their relationships as couples have ended. I hope marriage doesn't end this for them. On another note I am finally in my new studio! Not surprisingly I feel a huge chunk of myself has returned. I didn't realize it was missing until yesterday when I was setting up the new place. Today I'm having a painting rack built and sorting through boxes of materials. I'm super psyched and feel creative energy starting to flow back into my body, mind, and soul!

General Malaise

2008-09-22T17:47:00.004-04:00

I haven't been writing here much. Since returning from Basel it's been difficult for me to sit down and distill my thoughts. It's almost October and I haven't fully unpacked my work. I won't be able to move into my studio until October 1st. Then I can take stock and have some studio visits which hopefully will let the work move out into the art world more. The last solo exhibition I had was in 2004 and it feels like a long time.

It feeling very fall here in Walton. Leaves are just starting to blush. By the end of the week I am expecting 100 tulip bulbs to arrive. My midweek project will be preparing a bed for them. I have a space around a large elm picked out. Just have to buy tons of dirt, peat, and a pallet of slate. I'm building the bed up because there are far to many rocks in my yard to even think about digging.

I saw a sign on a car today that read: "NOBAMA, NO EXPERIENCE, NO PRESIDENT." It depressed me. I haven't been able to shake it. I feel a growing sense of frustration with the average citizen in my country. In NYC people are more in touch with the realities of our situation within the larger world. Here people mostly believe that we are doing "good works" in freeing Iraq. With the cost of the recent financial bailout looming in the future you can't help but wonder what healthcare might have looked like with some effort.

The Upcoming Election

2008-09-17T20:54:00.002-04:00

I really feel it's imperative that we don't go forward with the same administration. If we do, it is giving a whole new spin on the new apocalypse. (2012) Perhaps it really will be darker before the light. Anyhow this was just one of the posters on view in Alaska.

New Video Piece

2008-09-14T16:49:00.002-04:00

Something to Think About

2008-09-11T23:28:00.000-04:00

* If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "token hire."
* If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "game changer."

* Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America .
* White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."

* If you grow up in Hawaii you're "exotic."
* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential "American story."

* Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you're "unpatriotic."
* Name your kid Track, you're "colorful."

* If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you're "reckless."
* A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a "maverick."

* If you spend 3 years as a community organizer growing your organization from a staff of 1 to 13 and your budget from $70,000 to $400,000, then become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new African Amerian voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law
professor, then spend nearly 8 more years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, becoming chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, then spend nearly 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of nearly 13 million people, sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you are woefully inexperienced.

* If you spend 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, then spend 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, then you've got the most executive experience of anyone on either ticket, are the Commander in Chief of the Alaska military and are well qualified to lead the nation should you be called upon to do so because your state is the closest state to Russia.

* If you are a Democratic male candidate who is popular with millions of people you are an "arrogant celebrity."
* If you are a popular Republican female candidate you are "energizing the base."

* If you are a younger male candidate who thinks for himself and makes his own decisions you are "presumptuous."
* If you are an older male candidate who makes last minute decisions you refuse to explain, you are a "shoot from the hip" maverick.

* If you are a candidate with a Harvard law degree you are "an elitist-out of touch" with the real America .
* if you are a legacy (dad and granddad were admirals) graduate of Annapolis , with multiple disciplinary infractions you are a hero.

* If you manage a multi-million dollar nationwide campaign, you are an "empty suit."
* If you are a part time mayor of a town of 7000 people, you are an "experienced executive."

* If you go to a south side Chicago church, your beliefs are "extremist."
* If you believe in creationism and don't believe global warming is man made, you are "strongly principled."

* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
* If you have been married to the same woman with whom you've been wed to for 19 years and raising 2 beautiful daughters with, you're "risky."

* If you're a black single mother of 4 who waits for 22 hours after her water breaks to seek medical attention, you're an irresponsible parent, endangering the life of your unborn child.
* But if you're a white married mother who waits 22 hours, you're spunky.

* If you're a 13-year-old Chelsea Clinton, the right-wing press calls you "First dog."
* If you're a 17-year old pregnant unwed daughter of a Republican, the right-wing press calls you "beautiful" and "courageous."

* If you kill an endangered species, you're an excellent hunter.
* If you have an abortion, you're a murderer (forget about if it happened while being raped.)

* If you teach abstinence only in sex education, you get teen parents.
* If you teach responsible age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

* If you're a Republican senator who solicits gay sex in an airport bathroom, you get to return to your job in the Senate and are encouraged to run for re-election.
* If you're a Democratic Senator who is out of public office and have an affair, your political career is over and your wife who has terminal cancer is to blame.

Picture Post

2008-09-06T11:39:00.001-04:00

Friends at Burning Man

2008-08-30T12:11:00.002-04:00

And what you thought you came for
Is only a shell, a husk of meaning
From which the purpose breaks only when it is fulfilled
If at all.
Either you had no purpose
Or the purpose is beyond the end you figured
And is altered in fulfillment

Next year I want to go to burning man and set up some art on the playa. I had meant to do this several years ago but had to change plans. I can't remember why, but I do remember meeting a gal in Union Square to sell my tickets. Anyway I wish I was there and not here. Kind-of-a- classic set-up for a restless day. I am looking forward to the arrival of my mom and sister this afternoon. Mom was in SF somewhere between the Beats and the Hippies though she identified more with the beats and lived with Shig. I just googled him to see what became of him...seems he passed in Palo Alto a few years ago. Any way it was the time (in SF) when the hippies and love children were coming into full flower. She headed to NY on the back of a motorcycle in 1968.

Sleeping In The Forest —Mary Oliver

2008-08-27T11:28:00.003-04:00

I though the earth
remembered me, she
took me back so tenderly, arranging
her dark skirts, her pockets
full of lichens and seeds. I slept
as never before, a stone
on the riverbed, nothing
between me and the white fire of the stars
but my thoughts, and they floated
light as moths among the branches
of the perfect trees. All night
I heard the small kingdoms breathing
around me, the insects, and the birds
who do their work in the darkness. All night
I rose and fell, as if in water, grappling
with a luminous doom. By morning
I had vanished at least a dozen times
into something better.

Vision Quest

2008-08-25T18:01:00.004-04:00

Two summers ago I planned to go on a vision quest. As it turned out I started treatment a month before the trip and had to postpone. Last summer I had just finished treatment but was out of vacation time. Also I was not physically feeling so hot. This summer was a go. With moving my studio and fair week it kinda snuck up on me. Luckily Campmor has a great site and I was able to have everything from the gear list delivered. Tuesday morning five questers, one filmmaker, and our guide Trebbe, walked off into the Florence Shelley nature preserve. I'm not sure what I was expecting but the 4 day 3 night trip far surpassed it. First off I haven't slept outside in the woods since Deer Hunting with my grandfather when I was a kid. I've never seriously backpacked. I mean I've trotted off into the woods on a well marked trail for a day hike but nothing requiring a water purifier. Tying up a tarp, using a ground cloth and thermarest, needing water proof pants, matches, an emergency kit, toilet paper, and enough food, well who knew...you need to plan for everything. Thankfully Trebbe's list had it down. I've saved it for future expeditions. The first day we clarified our intentions and then searched out our solo spots. This would be where we would fast and spend 24 hours alone. I chose a group of White pines surrounded by ferns and wetlands. I picked it because in the middle a beautiful Blue Jay feather was sticking out of the ground. The spot was magical for me. I strung my tarp up and at one end a red mushroom was growing up at the base of the tree. I slept with it at my head careful not to accidentally step on it when I went in and out. I pumped water in a nearby stream and spent the day collecting feathers, talking to trees, and following a patch of sun around. Around 5pm I set up a circle saluting the four directions, talking to my ancestors and singing some songs. I lit two candles and sat down to meditate. A short time later I heard thumping though the woods and I got excited hoping to see a deer. A buck actually. I saw a piece of black in the undergrowth and my heart sank. What if it was a skunk. The next thing to emerge was a startled black face with largish ears. A Bear! For a long second we looked at each other in total surprise and then the bear bolted. WOW. What a gift.

Deleware County Fair

2008-08-13T09:51:00.004-04:00

Walked around the fair and managed not to get the deep-fried blooming onion that gives me a stomach ache. How abut that big zucchini!

Happy Ending

2008-08-09T12:19:00.003-04:00

Tuesday, official move day, we were a hand short. That meant that Mark and I had to do it all ourselves. When I would start to wane Mark would assure me that it was possible. He was correct but, wow, what a physically challenging day. Worse though was near the end of the day I lost Bear! I thought he was in the backyard and the studio but we must have been so busy and focused on moving things up these ridiculously narrow stairs and trying to watch the U-haul that we missed him going out to the street. It was 3 when I went to get lunch and on my way back I got this funny "Where's Bear" feeling. I rushed back and looked in the yard. My heart started pounding but I kept telling myself to stay calm. I went in front of the building calling him and then headed down the street to the pet store praying I didn't see a bundle of fur in the street. I kept pushing aside any thoughts of doom and walking fast. When I got to the corner of 9th and Bedford I looked over at Kasia's (the local coffee shop) and saw him sitting outside with a group of people. I walked over promising myself that if it wasn't my Pom it wouldn't mean that he was gone. It was him. And it was all that mattered. Turned out the nice people he was having lunch with had left a message on my cell but I hadn't checked it yet. What a lesson. It was 4pm when we hit the road in a 14ft, packed-to-the gills, U-haul and 8pm when we rolled into the driveway. A really GOOD day.