Dusty Runway

How To Live Your Life.

2020-03-14T08:50:00.001-07:00

When we are younger it is easy to dream, to declare boldly who or what we will be once we grow up. For some reason growing up is a destination, a point in your life when the music starts playing and at that moment you are grown. This narrative leaves little room for diversions, life's setbacks and realities of hardcore living. You are expected to turn the switch on, get your life together at once, explicit or implied you too feel the pressure.

We follow the standards and expectations of society, of who we are supposed to be, what now, what next? We must step in line or automatically become the Blacksheep, the problem child who is now the problem adult. The reason for family or friends interventions disguised as concern for you when sometimes it is the egos of the people you are 'embarrassing'.

We strive to do more, be more and compare our journeys to others. Look at our peers who are seemingly thriving, doing much better than we are. We ask; Why am I not there, why is no one calling me, why is my business not growing, when is my promotion? Social media exacerbates these feelings. Everyone appears to be living their best lives but you, even though you know that may not be true but at that moment that is your reality. These anxieties, self-doubt in your capabilities and purpose will have you questioning your entire existence. Slowly chips away at your efforts making them insignificant. "Ontanga bakho' (your peers) the standing barometer of which your life will be measured up against.

Why do we forget or fail to realize that our journeys are different, that "not all who wander are lost". Why do we live bound by milestones set for us, by twenty-five I should have a career, married at twenty-seven, by thirty have at least two children and a dog, living in a house I purchased, driving x, the list goes on. Why do we continue to define success using signifiers or goalposts set by people like you and me?

HOW DO WE DO BETTER?

Ask yourself meaningful questions that can help you create an authentic life experience for yourself.

1. Only compare yourself to yourself.

Our starting points and journeys are different. Look at your own life and celebrate your milestones, cultivate a life of gratitude. Life is better when you choose to see how far you have come, it gives you the fuel you need to keep moving.

2. There is no one size fits all.

There is no one way of being successful, assess, define what that looks like to you. For some it is having more than enough, not wanting for material things. There is more to success than material gain. Take a holistic approach.

3. Work for it and do not give up.

If you want to achieve anything you must be willing to roll up your sleeves and put in the work, have the resilience to see it through. Keep going and firing at all cylinders. Nothing worth having comes easy.

Just live your life, do your best and have gratitude.

The crippling effect of seeking perfection

2019-09-18T12:51:00.000-07:00

Pursuing perfection, this elusive, seductive idea that convinces you, makes you believe you're close but never quite get there, never good enough, this ever-moving target.

We've heard the saying, "We are born to be happy and not perfect" I despise this phrase, I loathe it! Not because happiness is not a priority. This phrase sits in a weird area of my brain. Where all the things that make absolute sense when processed slowly are but the brain refuses to grasp. The thing is, no matter how many times you hear these phrases and they resonate, a part of you will always rationalise why that saying is for others and not you. That the person who makes up these phrases must be lazy, lacks ambition and must relish mediocrity. If you have never thought of it like that, I have.

Seeking perfection has left me self-deprecating and not in a cute way, in the real sense of the phrase. It has started conversations with self that belittle, undermine and disregard my achievements. Nitpicking what I could have done, and said and how I could have appeared better. It is brutal and probably a sign of far worse mental issues but this post is not about that. This post is about the crippling effects of seeking perfection. Namely; Perfection Paralysis. Countless projects started, and completed but have never seen the light of day or allowed to flourish outside the creator's imagination all because of this wonderful thing called 'perfection', that can either get us to greatness or mess us up. I appreciate that seeking perfection has its merits, it has pushed the human race forward, the questioning and toiling on improving processes, our way of life and innovation. Someone had to ask 'How can we make this better, can this be perfect?

Sometimes getting a thing done, is as perfect as perfect is. I had a conversation with a friend who admitted to having depression and lost sleep in the name of 'PERFECTION'. Looking back now, he realises the amount of time wasted and how much further he could have been if he simply started.
Maybe we should apply the 'Good enough' principle; "Most consumers will use products that are good enough, even if there are more technically advanced options available to them", do our best and not get hung up on all that could go awry. Here's another phrase for you that I hate, "Perfect imperfections".

#GETOUTOFYOURLANE

2019-06-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

Taking the time to figure out who you are is important, most of us exist never bothering to truly “self define”. We use cues from our surroundings, messages, and hints from friends and family about who we are and who we ought to be. We never bother to consider alternatives of who we could be or consider that maybe, just maybe, the cues we have at our disposal are limited and could limit our own 'self-view' and how we go through life. If I were born elsewhere in the world would I believe this is the right way to exist and interact with the world? We just do, accept and repeat patterns set before us for others to do the same after us. We question those that dare to do differently and even project our own insecurities making us “haters”, all because of our limited world view and limited “viable opportunities”. We question others strides and then proceed to belittle them so that our little minds can deal with the fact that we might just be “losers” when in fact we did not apply ourselves. A story for another day.

We go around the world never knowing what we could experience beyond the psycho and social borders set. We even believe that some feats are for a select few, that they are “the chosen ones”. Like with anything in this wonderfully chaotic, unfair world we exist in, it takes hard work, commitment and a bit of luck, whether you believe in creating your own luck or some cosmic incident to make things happen, but it all starts with wanting to, having the desire to. Considering an alternative reality knowing that we are not trees we could move from where we are, making a decision and completely changing ourselves. Damn even trees can be moved these days with extra effort.

We stay in our lanes, we stay wishing and hoping that we get a big break but never reckoning that we can create this “break”. Our scarcity mentality keeps us bound, our socioeconomic predispositions keep us living below our potential and we continue the cycle. Life is hard, life is real, life is brutal and I am in no way dismissing people’s misfortunes, hardships and mental states. It seems we relinquish our power or want to outsource the responsibility to others, the people we work for, our parents, our governments always them never us.

If we never take the time to question the identities imposed on us by the ideologies of society or our “predispositions” or intentionally break “generational curses” we will always fall into the same patterns, we will never chart a new course. If the youth of 76 never questioned or chose not to rebel against an identity being imposed on them by the government of the time, chances are we’d all be a version of Afrikaners. Okay, that was a weak example but I hope you get my point right. We should go against the facts presented to us, unlearn behaviours, you know that loosely used phrase “letting go of who we’re meant to be, to become who we want to be”, that is true. If we look at any person, who has made an impact in the world we see how if they had stayed in their “lanes”, they would have not achieved anything. Look at political heroes, people who liberated others in some way. The likes of Thomas Sankara, Nelson Mandela, Harriet Tubman, or leading business people and personalities like Oprah Winfrey, Jay Z, Richard Maponya, can you imagine what would have happened had they stayed in 'their lanes' believed the cues and voices from their surroundings about who they should become.

Letting go & moving on

2019-05-14T01:59:00.000-07:00

Letting go of stuff, environments and people that no longer serve you can be a difficult thing to do. Seriously hard. Not because you are hung up on the person or situation but the thought of “what next?”. The questions and reality of having to ‘deal’ with the absence of what you maybe once loved, gave energy to, was once fulfilling and somewhat a comfort. This is where most get stuck in my opinion. Self-doubt seeps in with anxiety’s claws clasping onto you, wanting to pull you back into what you're trying to let go of. The fear of the unknown can be paralyzing and the comfort of certainty whether positive or negative, knowing exactly what to expect can keep you hostage in situations you no longer belong.
What I’ve realized in my short-long life is that it takes practice. You have to make a conscious decision rid yourself of anything or anyone that no longer serves you; toxic things, people, spaces, habits (not making light of addiction). We hold on to feelings of regret, guilt, loss, betrayal and a love that kills. Change is not easy, it takes practice and sometimes a few false starts. The fear of the aftermath can keep us prisoner to some questionable decisions. We stay stuck in situations that end up draining and in some cases killing us. Wrapped up in “abantu bazothini?”, (what will people say?). The need to be in control also plays a huge part in holding on. We have even come up with phrases such as “better the devil you know”. That somewhat you know what to expect and that gives you a level of control over the situation, person or yourself. What kind of mess is this? We order the same food at the same restaurant each time we go there all in the spirit of familiarity, how boring. Some of us even believe and preach 'holding on' as a signifier of strength and never flip the idea on its head, that wait a minute, there is power in letting go and moving on. We hold ourselves back and rob ourselves of a full life we could have been living, all because we cannot move on. We carry with us all our past failures, hardships and even past successes that do not springboard us. I stumbled on this quote by Najwa Zebian, "These mountains you carry, you were supposed to climb"
We need to consciously train ourselves to let go. Letting go of even the things that we love but are certainly not good for us. Letting go of ideas and teachings that 'society' live by, but are limiting and do not serve us well. Self-awareness is important. Not many of us spend time getting to truly know and understand ourselves. Getting our priorities in order, having clarity on deal breakers and setting boundaries up front. Identifying our “non-negotiables” and most importantly immerse ourselves in what we truly love and enjoy. Leaving little room for the things that drain us. I know this is an oversimplification, that people and life are much more complicated. However, there are complications we choose to submerge ourselves and bask in knowingly.

Dream on and live on... Purpose

2018-10-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

There comes a time I believe in one's life where you know exactly what you need and want, a time when without a shadow of a doubt you can clearly articulate what you want to pursue, what you want to achieve and what spaces you want to exist in. The thing is, this magic does not come at the same time for all of us, there are no buttons you can press to kick off 'my purpose alive' programme, this can be frustrating if you have never been intentional about figuring it out. A lot of emphases has been placed on doing what you love, the problem starts when you have absolutely no idea as to how to get it or when the pursuit seems an impossible journey to start.

These are the times where one has to dig deep (like the idols judges say) honestly though, it is looking into a place in yourself that you have never really bothered going before and assessing your strengths, converting your weaknesses. Listen to that inner voice that has been trying to get your attention, truly interrogate your interests and all the things that excite you. Get help! Really, getting help and guidance from people who have walked the path before you will teach you valuable life lessons, tools and tricks to navigate this life. Yes, I know the way we have been socialised, which is totally horrible, asking for help comes across as admitting failure or as a sign of weakness, we need to get over this. What I've learnt over the years is, the more you let time pass and not seek the assistance, you hinder your own progress.
Living with no purpose can be sad and draining, you're always toiling and reaching aimlessly for an undefined goal. Take the power into your own hands, if it calls for you to redefine your dream then do that, if it calls for a rebirth then do that and if it calls for severe action then think about it long and hard then go for it.
Life is too short to be miserable and merely existing, keep in mind that "It does not do, to dwell on dreams and forget to live".
Quote by J.k Rowling

SNAP OUT OF IT!

2017-11-07T03:17:00.000-08:00

Life is fucking hard sometimes. It gets overwhelming at times, one minute you have it all together, your hair is growing, your body is performing at its best levels, you are well, mind-body and soul you are "glowed up". You are able to deal and combat whatever comes your way, you pick yourself up and move on. I am one of those irritatingly optimistic people, everything happens for a reason type, always finding a silver lining, you get the point, right? The glass is always half full.

Then BAM! out of nowhere, something shakes up your entire foundation and the aftermath is far worse than the real quake. The devastation leaves you wanting nothing than to cover yourself under a pile of blankets. In the dark and in constant emotional turmoil that even you can't put into words and break down to anyone else. Nobody gets it. People have expectations you must be awake, smiling and joyous. So, you default to acting. Your days become an entire performance, characterized by forced frozen smiles, painted on joy with makeup tricks, upbeat persona constructed through carefully chosen clothes and superficial emotions.

There is a lot of content on the net that aims to help you when the light goes dim in your life. Tools, talks, and riveting reads that resonate with one and with every line read confirm your own experiences. However, with such a plethora of information and experiences shared through meaningful art and inspired words. When the cloud comes over you, the world caves in, you are on your own and everybody else seems to shut you out of their warm, vibrant energy. Everyone but you are walking on sunshine and all you do is absorb all the gloom. Plagued by sleepless nights or the constant need to slumber. The world is a dark place full of hopelessness. What makes this condition worse, is the careless giving of unsolicited advice and phrases thrown around by those close to you.

"Snap out of it," they say.

"That is not a real thing, you just know too much," they say.

"It is all in your head," she says.

"That is for people with money," he jokes

But depression and anxiety are real scourges of society. They haunt you even when you are feeling better. That the thought of falling into depression again is terrifying. For anxiety, anything and everything feel like a possible trigger.

According to South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) around a fifth (20%) of all South Africans will experience a depressive disorder at least once during their lifetime and the incidence of the suicide in South Africa has soared to 23 a day.

JOINING THE DOTS...

2015-10-30T09:52:00.000-07:00

Before we find what we are about on earth. I am sure that we have heard, read or watched tons of videos, listened to a gazillion of messages that compel you to explore what it is you truly about, what your purpose is and why you are here. You would think that all the wisdom of the world would make it easier for us to navigate this life maze and hit the mark. However, it is not always that easy. Some of us do not get it that instantly, no matter how many times the 'universe' taps you on your shoulder or the opportunity presents itself. Sometimes there is more that holds you back from pursuing what it is you are meant to be doing and sometimes just plain excuses or pure laziness.

Financial, social, family, 'black tax' whatever your responsibilities are factors that can keep you from pursuing your real life purpose. The thing that makes you excited and looking forward to waking up the next day, doing that thing over and over again. We cannot deny that at times there are self-imposed and conjured up 'obstacles' stemming from a place of fear and doubt. The saddest position to be in is when those around you can see the light in you and you just fail to see it because it is extremely intimidating or you simply have no idea where to go with the "light".

Sadly, being a victim of circumstance where there's always an alternative hinders development, nothing is worse than a dream deferred or unfulfilled. Living with "there's got to be more to life than the trappings of one's inhibitions" is unsettling. I have seen this a lot someone starts with zeal but soon fades because the person is at the wrong place/space, overstaying a season or it is not at all who they are. I believe we should do every day the things we really want to be about no matter how small. Efforts that may be hard work, require grit, perseverance, and all those 'new year's resolution lines'. "Some of us" will have to do the necessary, make peace with that it may not appear or lead in the direction of the end goal. Making dots is what life may require of us and one day all the dots will connect.

Embrace detours, everything you go through prepares you for what lies ahead, adopt a "no life experience is meaningless" attitude, question the lessons that each situation presents, know if you have gained or lost. Remember the intangible they may be spiritual, a shift in mindset or lessons that you needed to learn for your current and upcoming assignment.

Reference; Mark Manson’s post, “Seven strange questions that help you find your life purpose”

I AM HUMAN AND NOTHING HUMAN CAN BE FOREIGN TO ME

2015-04-26T17:23:00.003-07:00

Understanding that “I am human and nothing human can be foreign to me”, has been those subjects I fathom momentarily but as soon as I step out of class it seems to have gone in one ear and out the other ear. It is just so easy to judge others, there's a devilish satisfaction that comes with it. Whether it comes from a place of fear, insecurities and just socialisation. Uttering the words "Do not judge but try to understand why someone would do what they've done" is easier said than done.

With everything that happens on a micro scale (within families, friends, lovers) and on a macro scale (politically, socially, economically, etc). It is easy to judge without trying to empathize with the ‘culprit’. It is easy to post on FB, Re-Tweet, blog about and discuss with aversion, “How could she/he/they” then dissociatively ask “who does that to another person”.

Maya Angelou once quoted the statement “Homo sum: humani nil a me alienum puto” by Terence which means. 'I am human. Nothing Human can be alien to me’ and she followed to say “If you can internalize at least a portion of that, you will never be able to say of a criminal act, 'Oh, I couldn't do that,' -no matter how heinous a crime. If a human being did it, you have to say, I have all the components that are in her or in him. I intend to use my energies constructively as opposed to disruptively. People will wrong you and vice-versa. We are all capable of being the ‘culprit’ and afflicting others under the ‘right’ circumstances.

Before you saddle up next time; slow down, try understanding, putting yourself in the place of the culprit and remember this “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you”.

CREATIVITY LOVE

2015-03-24T05:47:00.001-07:00

"To create an expression is close to innocence. Childhood is stolen from you with every judgment made, innocence stolen with it. You go into a room alone and try to collect the pieces of your life and meet your monster. Everyone has a monster that hunts them—monsters inside and outside. I have fought monsters. And have turned into a complete monster in the midst of the fight." Kanye West

DEFINE YOURSELF BY WHAT YOU LOVE

2015-03-11T17:33:00.006-07:00

We spend much time defining ourselves by the things we dislike instead of the things we love, things that nourish our souls and give life to authentic smiles. I had never thought of it like that before one of my bosses pointed it out in conversation. I had an 'AHA-moment', then I thought about all the times I openly shared what I loathed about certain TV shows, musicians and other subjects that I would rather be dead than caught watching, listening or interacting with. This kind of loathing is ego-driven. It says I am better than you and you have poor taste instead of, "These are the things that make me and this is what I enjoy".

It got me thinking of the negativity we unconsciously put into the world. We are quick to disassociate with certain things but never quite share what we want to be associated with. We go around dismissing and snubbing certain things and people because we are "above it or them" far superior to being leagued with 'them'. We use Twitter and other social media platforms to rant about this, that and the other, but rarely share things we love, things that enrich our lives. We do it to validate ourselves, to give ourselves a little bit of edge. For instance, "I hate weaves" therefore! I must be more conscious and enlightened. I do not like Beyonce's music, which translates to, "My taste in music is far more intricate and sophisticated than Beyonce's Rocket". (I love Beyonce and have no issues with weaves.)

A part of me believes that sharing more of the things we love and things that make up our lives versus those we disdain makes us better and happier people. Knowing that what we choose to let out into the world comes from a place of love and passion. It is easy to dislike and judge, but there is no joy or fulfilment in that. On the other hand, curating and displaying thoughts and actions that we love yields positive results. There is beauty in listening to a person share their passions and what drives them. It is rejuvenating and inspiring.

So curate all you love in abundance, leaving no room to squeeze in things that do not matter to you and non-essentials to who you are and stand for. Drown and express the things that make your soul dance.

THE GREY AREA

2014-12-05T17:25:00.004-08:00

Dear Life, why do some things have to be so ambiguous? Really, why? I do not understand, it is much more easier to deal with black or white, grey areas can be quite lead like for my precious soul to handle, and more so because grey areas are the human emotions or a reflection of their black or their white. A glass half full versus half empty.

Depending on convenience or how complex we make the situation to be in our own brain. We either add a dash of black to our white and work ourselves up unnecessarily or white to our black to cushion life’s blows. Not everything is ever that simple, there are layers upon layers to some situations but there are instances where we end up in grey areas because we over complicate or at times attempt to over simplify things.

Nothing is wrong with grey areas it is a good middle ground, really sucks though if one gets hung up in the grey area so much that one ends up stuck in a rut. Sometimes all it takes is removing one's self from the situation and allow themselves to be objective and maybe realize that the situation is simply white or black maybe darker than you thought and that you are the dye that makes it grey, either by being naïve, negative or whatever optimistic/ pessimistic thoughts and associations you make. I have no strong conclusion or wise words to end this off accept, do not get stuck on separating the black from white when stuck in a grey area, look deep inside yourself and far off from yourself, evaluate the situation and ask yourself if you are being objective or think of the advice you would have given to a friend if they were to be in a similar situation.

LIFE LESSONS

2014-09-30T09:42:00.002-07:00

Learning is a lifelong commitment and I have learned to find a lesson in every situation that I go through, whether good or bad, there's always a lesson if not an assurance of a lesson already learnt.

Lessons are not always, "let's all sing along and dance, nursery style" sometimes they are the kind that just makes you want to throw in the towel and move on to the next thing and some make you question "Why me... why do things happen the way they do..." and you find yourself wanting to leave class before getting to the answers. Others just take way too long, leaving you to ask "how much longer do I have to go through this... how long till..when is my time coming" whatever the question the lesson is sometimes done, and all that is left to do is to open your eyes and ears and admit and accept certain things either about yourself, someone else or a situation.

Let's face it, at times you find yourself in classes you did not sign up for, learning things you would rather not be taught but all these lessons I believe, contribute to your bigger picture, they make up the dots of your life that do not even make sense until you start connecting the dots and making sense of it all. There are things we have to go through or do to get to where we want to be and in becoming who we ought to be to ourselves and the world. So embrace life lessons, debilitating or invigorating for they let us know who we are and teach us who we can become mind, body and spirit.

You should date an illiterate girl

2013-05-21T10:27:00.002-07:00

You should date an illiterate girl -Charles Warnke

Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in a film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale or the evenings too long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, god damnit, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent of a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, goddamnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so goddamned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life of which I spoke at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being told. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. Or, perhaps, stay and save my life.

Charles Warnke

LOVE LIKE THIS

2012-11-07T06:56:00.000-08:00

That kind of love the one that makes you wonder if it is humanly possible to love another beyond words can express so high up the heavens seem to close, so wide the world is not enough to contain it. The kind that overflows, the simple kind, the 'I don't care who says what kind of love' the kind that you just have to look in the eyes of the other to feel, the kind that lives in a simple touch.

It is a different kind of love not based on any conditions or expectations just that the other person is there everyday all they have to do is wake up and that is enough. The kind of love a parent has for his or her child, the kind a shared by young lovers who've just found each other, the kind shared by a matured couple who have come to understand, appreciate each other and come to love more as the years go by, the kind shared by siblings and the kind shared between friends. It is the 'catch you smiling by yourself' when you think of the other person kind. The 'constantly on your mind' , the ' I think I am going crazy' kind of love, The 'I don't know what I'd be or do without' him or her' sometimes considered a foolish kind of love.

This love is beautiful, it speaks in silence with a helping or embracing hand, it hears when it is most quiet, it is not only concerned with the physical, it is spiritual, it is intellect: prays for u, thinks for you. This is the kind the bible speaks of in 1Cor 13: "4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. ⁵Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. ⁶Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth. ⁷Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits."

Nourish it, protect it, bask in its wholesomeness and keep it real. #that'sall

"Kwa kuhle kwethu" it's a celebration

2012-10-20T06:32:00.000-07:00

Umembeso: a zulu tradition that celebrates the union of marriage between two people but most importantly the union of the two families coming together because of those two people. Its an exchanging of gifts where the grooms family shows appreciation to the brides family by giving them gifts not only the immediate family this also includes the aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, even those that have passed on are included, it also signifies respect because these gifts are requested a list is sent a couple months prior to the main event of what everyone would like. In the past, it was mainly blankets, reed mats, doeks ( Haawraps) and clay pots and these days people go all out from branded shoes, apparel to gadgets to even furniture, I think now it has become a platform to floss or it could just be that the times are changing and that's good because for me culture is not a static thing but goes through evolution so that the practices and the activities that are guided by culture are relevant and very much alive.

Recently attended one of these characterized by song and dance true unadulterated celebration. The days leading up to the main event are the best everyone is up in the morning around the same time, eat together, clean together and mini dance rehearsals which always end up as a girls night in. The best thing for me though beyond seeing old friends and family is when the neighbours bring 'ispheko' this is a contribution to assist the hosting family usually basic groceries, livestock or money and every time this happens you will hear women (ululate) with gratitude. It is one of the most genuine things I have experienced. It is in these moments you realise that Ubuntu is alive.

Jack of all trades master of none...

2012-07-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

image from Matthew Stumpy @gurustump.com

There's a slight obsession with being "busy" and occupied these days, the idea of being up to something even when it is nothing at all makes one feel significant as though they are contributing to green peace or a worthy cause. Okay, maybe not that, but still, everyone is a hustler or a diva, dabbling in this and that all fingers and toes dipped in different pots.

Social networks bios are testament to this, they read like entries into a contest which aims to crown someone with the most interesting titles and, and, and. It reminds me of primary school where our oral exams were about how our holidays went and boasting to each other of who had more fun and experienced the coolest activities, only this time it is grown folk going on about which pie/s their fingers have been in, some true and some pure fabrications.

According to www.thefreedictionary.com "busy" means 1. Engaged in activity, 2. Sustaining much activity. The latter is what I'm referring to. The need to sustain much activity so much that at times all one is doing, 'is sustaining activity' that yields no real benefit for anyone involved. Either because the 'busy body's' fingers are all over the place that no one thing is under perfect grip and all things just slide off the fingertips. Leading to the 'Jack of all trades and master of none syndrome' which can be detrimental to one's reputation. I read once that "You build a reputation by silently doing, proving and acting on everything you said you were going to do while building your brand. If your brand is the theory that you know what the hell you’re talking about, your reputation is the proof that you do."

There is a special breed of individuals that can do this whole dabbling in this and that successfully, without coming across as clueless chancer's who follow wherever the wind may blow. These people deliver the goods, they bring it every time they have to perform and they put in all their efforts to achieve what they must and live up to their reputations on/offline.

Do not misunderstand me, ambition is a great thing, we should all be ambitious about something/s and pursue all our ambitions with intent and character should be our anchor. Because "A reputation once broken may possibly be repaired, but the world will always keep their eyes on the spot where the crack was." also "Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street."

NEIGHBOURGOODS MARKET

2011-11-22T08:14:00.001-08:00

Every saturday, come rain or shine form 9:00 – 15:00.

73 Juta Street

Braamfontein, Johannesburg

South Africa
http://www.neighbourgoodsmarket.co.za/

Crashing..Zander Blom's exhibition opening

2011-10-28T13:20:00.000-07:00

Last night we gate crashed Zander Blom's exhibition opening at the Stevenson gallery on Juta Braamfontein, so what...huh.. we had fun, drank some free wine, indulged in some beautiful art, chose our favourites, mingled with the beautiful people that were there and tried to figure out what Blom was thinking. I'm no art connoisseur but those paintings had so much emotion embedded in them (just saying that) on the real though I loved the textures they popped..(the use of colour) wanted to feel the paintings but we were advised not to touch (wet paint). It was refreshing loved every moment.

*MOSA KAISER, MAMELLO, SIBUSISO, LESEDI

The exhibition runs from the 27/11/2011 till 06/12/2011 for more info click here

Pink Thursdays, I was there

2011-10-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

Pink Thursdays sounds like one of those popular nights hosted by a club on a Thursday, but no this one is not one of those. What it is, is a ladies only event centred on an evening of networking with some of South Africa’s most prominent women. In the words of event organiser, Tumi Vorster, “Pink Thursday is a brand new movement in Jo’burg that gives young ladies the platform to network with some of the well known names and faces in the various career fields in a fun, fabulous and engaging manner”. This one featured Claire Mawisa (who's also on this month's Destiny conver), Tansey Coetzee (Former Miss SA). The guests give a talk, then they have one on one Q & A mini sessions with the girls..then the stage is open for anyone who owns/or part a business or an organisation to share what they do and what not.. (sell your business in a few words). And yes I was there.

The event takes place on the last Thursday of every month and is definitely worth attending. I will be sure to keep you all informed of future guests to attend Pink Thursday. Alternatively, you can either log onto http://www.mytcreations.co.za/, join the My creations group on Facebook, or follow @Tumi_Voster , @MyTCreations• or @PinkThursdays on twitter for updates and information on how to get tickets to attend future Pink Thursday evenings.

STR.CRD, I was there

2011-09-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

24 September 2011 at the Maboneng precinct saw the very first Str.Crd JHB and it was effin UH MAY ZEENG, beautiful people great vibes,shopping, craziness, boys boys and even more gorgeous heart throb boys...and girls too. Skateboarding (the SSS was there). The line up was a perfect playlist to a perfect day with performances by the likes of Dirty paraffin, the BLK JCKS, Theophilus London, Bhubesii, AKA, ill Skillz...(the list goes on. The coolest of the cool gathering... Thee ultimate street culture showcase in Africa. and yes I was there.

...Now this is how you say HELLO to SUMMER.

2011-09-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

Urbn.Cult Magazine

2011-09-20T04:24:00.000-07:00

Launching at the much awaited Jozi Str.Crd /2011 event this coming weekend 24 Sept 2011 @ 20 Kruger Street @Maboneng Precinct check them out on facebook www.facebook.com/pages/Urbn-Cult/100346303405301?sk=wall and look out for a follow up after the launch.

2011-09-16T00:55:00.000-07:00

Leila Lopes... everyone

2011-09-14T15:51:00.000-07:00

25 year old Leila Lopes was crowned Miss Universe 2011, Angola beauty who responded "I consider myself a woman endowed with inner beauty. I have acquired many wonderful principles from my family and I intend to follow these for the rest of my life." when asked her interview question. She is the one!

Do it your freaken way.

2011-08-24T08:44:00.000-07:00

There are certain things that you do or don't do that people feel or rather expect you to be doing or not, and I don't know why but we always seem to blame it on society. "Society tells us this... and that..." which throws me off, is society not formed by individuals each one with his or her own psychological make up... each with his/her own life experiences. So then why do we either conform to what we think "Society" stipulates for us or spend much of our energy trying to go against the so called 'current' and at times to our own detriment. Most of the world greatest minds, leaders, artists, cut out their own patterns, they may have used the scissors’ that society handed to them or manufactured their own fact is they tried something different that set them apart from any other.

The deal is for some "societal stipulations / unwritten steps to follow" are good for some and exceedingly frustrating for some. Good in a sense it guides, directs and in-stills focus in some individuals, bad in a sense that sometimes it makes life lack dimension, lacklustre and seem so limiting. I say do not follow a pattern unless it’s the source of your scissor, do not go against a current unless it’s an injustice to someone else because “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere” Martin Luther King Jr. So choose your own path, write your own story, paint the picture you want with all the colours that feed, nurture and cultivate your life into the shape and size you want with or without society. #Thatsall.