Dwelling & Telling

I’ve Moved to a New Corner of the Internet

2018-07-29T12:28:00.002-07:00

Hello, friends! And anyone visiting! I wanted to share that I have moved to a new corner of the internet. Dwelling&Telling is so special to me, but I recently wanted to start a new blog that focused on motherhood, life, and style and creating a new site felt like the right thing to do. You can find me over at Linley Jackson Blog.

I also post regularly on my Instagram @linleyshea account as well!

Skincare Sunday

2017-10-29T07:05:00.000-07:00

In September 2015 I said yes to an incredible opportunity. I didn't necessarily have high hopes, in fact, since then, my reasons for starting have completely changed and evolved, but nonetheless, it was a decision I've never reconsidered. And actually, it's a decision I wish I'd made a lot sooner.

Two year ago I said YES to becoming a consultant with Rodan+Fields. At that time, R+F was the #4 premium skincare company in the US. Today, we are the #1 skincare company in the USA and #1 premium skincare company in all of North America. Last year we became a billion dollar company, a couple months ago expanded in Australia, and currently in the midsts of a three-product launch.

Huge things, y'all. And it's just getting started.

I want to take some time to tell you WHY I joined this company and a little bit about R+F - then, each Sunday I am going to share and highlight our products, give advice, and just talk all things skincare. Now I am not a dermatologist, nor am I a skincare expert, but I use and sell products that work and are worth selling. And if you have skin, you're probably going to want to read these posts. Just sayin'.

Why Did I Join R+F?

In the Spring of 2015, we brought home our micro-premie, miracle baby. Since she was so premature and had a compromised immune system, as well as weak lungs, my husband and I made the decision that I would quit my job as a home health speech therapist and stay home with our daughter. It was too much of a risk to put her in daycare. I was thrilled that I was going to be able to stay home as it was something I wanted to do even before we considered starting a family. However, after a few months of being home and getting into our new routine, I realized that I really missed working. I missed the interactions and socializations that came with a career; I missed contributing financially to our family. While I knew going back to work, even part time or PRN, wasn't an option; I also knew that there were work-from-home options - so I began looking into the world of direct selling.

I did my own research into different direct selling companies and opportunities. I considered the brands, products, business models, the consumers, and overall sustainability (for both the company and myself). Inevitably, R+F won my heart and I jumped all in.

Here's what made sense to me as far as choosing Rodan+Fields and the skincare industry:

Everyone has skin, right? Everyone that has skin that's aging. Everyone is a potential customer.
Skin also happens to be the largest organ we have.
R+F's direct selling model was the best as there are NO required parties, NO inventory, and NO paperwork.
Residual income. Anyone who buys skincare products will run out and need to buy again, right?
The business is completely virtual - I can work at home, on the go, on vacation, and even if I move. This biz goes wherever I go.
R+F is currently the fastest growing skincare company in the US and Canada.
We are currently only in the US, Canada, and Australia. So much potential growth in the future.
The products have been created by world-renowned dermatologists (remember Proactiv? These are the same doctors that conquered the global acne market - they owned 86% of the WORLD market with Proactiv. And I know they will do it again with R+F and I want a piece of that pie).
All of the products offered are clinically proven. R+F is all about results, results, results!
There is no minimum or maximum you can or have to make with this business.
I'm in business for myself, but not by myself.

So in a nutshell - the business model appealed to me, the dermatological-grade products impressed me, and the opportunity to really build something that could be life changing made me say yes.

It didn't take long for me to start bringing in a monthly income that made my husband (our sole provider) say Wow! yeah, keep doing that! And so far on this journey, I have made some incredible friends and business partners - as well as helped others become confident in their own skin. And I'm just getting started.

I've truly fallen in love with this company and the products and I think everyone deserves to hear about the products as well as the opportunity and so that's why I've decided to share here every Sunday!

Weekend Warriors 003: Strawberry Farm

2017-05-09T07:20:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend we traveled up the interstate to Sugar Hill Farms to pick some strawberries. Right now they are ripe, bright, and delicious, so it was the perfect weekend to visit the farm. Sadie Ann and Chris did most of the picking. Allie isn't quite walking, so she stayed in her stroller and I pushed. She was content to sit there, soak up the rays, and drink a bottle - so it all worked out.

Sadie Ann loved finding big, red strawberries! We would typically pull them off and hand them to her and she would put them in the buckets. And she did great! She ended up sneaking a bite during the process. That girl loves strawberries.

We picked and filled two buckets. Once we got home, we enjoyed the fruits of our labor in the form of strawberry shortcakes and they were phenomenal! We're all looking forward to picking blueberries and blackberries next month!

Lace + Blush

2017-05-08T06:38:00.000-07:00

lace kimono // similar dress // lace up flats // rebecca minkoff tote

Can I just wear blush and lace every day? Suprisingly, this ensemble is pretty functional in the mom world. A comfortable and easy-going dress is perfect! Throw on some flats and grab a large tote. Fill said tote with diapers and apple sauce pouches and you're good to go!

To My Rainbow Baby on Her First Birthday

2017-05-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

My dearest Allison Paige,

I'll never forget the night I took that pregnancy test. I was suspicious of being pregnant, but honestly, I was taking the test more so to remove the idea of pregnancy from my mind. I didn't really think I was pregnant - but it had been well over a month and I had a cheap Dollar Store test in the back of my bathroom cabinet.

I never imagined watching the test line turn that dark so quickly.

To be brutally honest, I cried. I was scared. Shocked. Nervous. Confused. Unprepared. Worried. Anxious. Every emotion I was feeling was contradictory and frightening. I wasn't ready. An awful lot had happened in the past year and a half - and possibly taking on those challenges again, so soon, I just wasn't prepared.

Despite all of that, I did smile. I did do the typical girl-thing of using my hands to cover my wide open mouth while my eyes opened as big as they could. I did take time to enjoy the moment - finding out I was pregnant in my bathroom. My mind was conditioned to think I would need to take medication, have injections, ultra sounds, procedures, and blood work to ever get pregnant again. I would only ever receive a phone call from a clinic to know if I was pregnant or not. Although this was a moment of mixed emotions, I did take the time to enjoy a moment I didn't think would ever happen for me. A surprise pregnancy.

Through it all, God used you. He used you to show me and your daddy that pregnancy can be a joyful experience. Birth can go seamlessly. Holding a freshly-born, crying baby can be our reality. And it is possible to take your baby home 48 hours after she is born.

God used you to show us that we could move forward.

You showed us what it's like to cry tears of joy in a delivery room.

We hadn't planned for you, but I can't imagine you coming at a more perfect time. Honestly, I'm not sure we would have ever been ready. God gave us that push by giving us you.

You have been nothing less than a complete joy to our family. Lately, when I talk to others about you, I often mention how you are just happy to be alive. You're always happy - and smiling. You have a easy-going, carefree spirit that I adore. You're curious and always ready to explore the world. Your laughter is the best sound and instantly contagious. Your cheeks are perfectly chubby and that bottom lip never stops poking out. It rocks me to my core in the best way possible.

One of the things I have loved most about this past year is seeing you interact with your sister. She's not too keen on sharing quite yet, but when she pulls her toy away, you just laugh and think it's hilarious. You're just happy to be around her - to watch and learn. And I can already see you are picking up so much from her.

I love it most when the two of you sit across from each other and communicate with giggles. It's the best. I cannot get enough of that. I'm so grateful you both already have a best friend in each other that will last a lifetime - and this happy mommy could not ask for more.

I pray your happy spirit will stay within you forever, that you and your sister will continue to build a friendship and bond that can never be broken, and that I can do the very best in raising you in these upcoming years.

You are most definitely the biggest and brightest rainbow that has ever come into our lives. Your arrival, following such a devastating storm, was exactly what we needed; we weren't planning for you, but I can't imagine life without you. You've given us so much hope moving forward. You are a pure joy. I can't wait to see what God unfolds in your life.

Happy first birthday, Allie Cat. I could just eat you up. I love you so much.

Love,
Mommy

My Go-To Uniform

2017-05-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

This is my go-to uniform. A blouse + any bottom. Shorts, skinny jeans, leggings, or a skirt. You can't go wrong. Shorts and flats make it casual - colored skinny jeans and pumps make it dressy. It's my all-time favorite combo. And that front-tuck? Yes, please! My closet is loaded with blouses. I can't write it enough - this is my favorite combo. Have I mentioned that? It's easy and comfortable and versatile - three things I am all about.

What's you're go-to uniform?

Weekend Warriors 002: Birthday Beach Trip

2017-05-01T08:36:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday our little family packed up and headed south, down to the Gulf. Allie turned one (ONE!!) on Saturday - so instead of spending money on a big party and lots of unnecessary toys, we made the decision to spend that money on a family trip. It was a wonderful decision, in case you are wondering. I highly encourage parents to forego the party and take the trip. That's just my opinion.

We found a condo that allowed our little Katie Bug to travel with us and ended up staying in Perdido Key - which is just between Pensacola and Orange Beach. It was perfect! The condo was quiet and the beach was empty - just the way we like it!

All our days went about the same - wake up, go to the beach, nap, go out to eat dinner, go to bed, and then do it all again tomorrow. It's always nice to be back home, but I can't lie, I wouldn't have minded staying a few more days. It was so relaxing.

We ate at Sunset Grill, LuLu's, and The Gulf - all different, but equally delicious and kid friendly. Allison learned she has a new love for hushpuppies and mahi-mahi - she also learned she has a new love for hand fulls of sand. And, of course, cake!

There's a special trip that Chris, Sadie Ann, and I took to the mountains when I was pregnant with Allison. It's always one of my favorite memories of our little family of three. This trip will most definitely be one of my favorite memories of our little family of four.

This week I plan to share a post about our little girl turing one, share my letter to her on her first birthday, and (finally) finish up her birth story.

An Off the Shoulder Dilemma

2017-04-25T07:04:00.001-07:00

I'm not one to completely give into seasonal trends. I prefer a classic, versatile wardrobe and investing in pieces that can been worn for many seasons; however, off the shoulder and bell sleeves have me giddy this year. There have been very few bell sleeve shirts I've tried on and not purchased.

This weekend I wore an off the shoulder number. While it's completely gorgeous and flattering, it's not comfortable or functional. If I raised my arms above 10-degrees the shirt popped up over my shoulders. It was a constant game of adjusting my shirt and I don't have that kind of time. Anyone else have this problem? Am I just a rookie to the off the shoulder game? Are there tricks to this? While the shirt is gorgeous and perfectly flattering, it will likely get lost in my closet. It's too much.

The bell sleeves though, you're going to be seeing them a lot. I can't get enough. Through the recent trends of florals, lace, romantic fabrics and cuts, I've realized my inner self is a boho princess. I want to wear flowy, floral dresses every day and not have a care in the world. Then I remember I have a one-year old and a two-year old and it's back to reality.

What are your favorite spring pieces?

Weekend Warriors

2017-04-24T06:18:00.001-07:00

Since February, it seems like our weekends have been jam-packed with things to do - birthday parties, air shows, strep throat, visitors, traveling, Easter, making flower gardens, enjoying sunshine, festivals, and the never-ending task of getting things done around the house.

Needless to say, our recent weekends have offered very little down-time for our family. I equally love going and doing as much as I do staying home, but I have to say, I'm looking forward to upcoming weekends with nothing to do.

Here are a BUNCH of photos from the past several weekend!

February Favorites 2017

2017-02-24T08:38:00.001-08:00

Happy Friday!

There was a point when I was blogging a few years ago that I would share a favorite of mine each Friday. It could beauty related, a piece of clothing, or a television show. Anything. Instead of posting each Friday, I thought I would post all my favorites for that month on the last Friday of each month. So here we are.

Instead of writing about everything, I made a video blog. OMG. I can't believe I'm doing this. Stepping wayyyyyy out of my comfort zone here - but I've always enjoyed others' video blogs highlighting their monthly favorites, so I'm joining in the fun!

This is my first video blog and my first time using iMovie - so don't expect too much. Like everything, I will learn and improve as I go.

What have you been loving in the month of February?

What's Cooking Wednesday: Simple, Homemade Pizza

2017-02-22T06:30:00.000-08:00

Making homemade pizza is delicious and so easy; I typically always have the ingredients on hand because of those two reasons. If I'm not prepared to make dinner, I'll fall back on pizza. I made a one Sunday evening and I received an unexpected compliment from Christopher. He told me it was the best pizza he'd ever had. I've made this pizza before - many times, actually - so I was a bit perplexed by the comment, but I accepted it nonetheless. I did tweak a couple things with the pizza and I think those actually made the difference.

We are big fans of thin crust and simple ingredients. So my ingredient list is short, but packs some yummy, perfectly harmonized flavors. Putting together a pizza is an incredibly easy task, but I'll go through the steps and share a few thoughts.

INGREDIENTS:
thin pizza crust
pizza sauce
freshly shredded mozzarella
pepperoni
banana peppers
fresh basil
cooking stone

STEPS:
01. Roll out your dough to an even thickness. The past couple times I've made pizza, I've cut the rectangle shape into a circle - just so it would fit nicely onto the stone. If you don't want to through any of the dough away, just lay it out on a cookie sheet instead.

02. Cook the dough to almost completely done. The directions for the dough I used called for 8 minutes at 400 degrees.

03. When I pulled the dough out, instead of immediately putting the sauce, cheese, and toppings on I let it sit for a couple minutes. I can't be sure, but I feel like this helps in keeping a crispy crust throughout the pizza. I've made pizza before where the center is soft and saturated with the sauce - and I'm just not a fan.

04. Then begin to dress up and top your pie! Something I've learned - a thin layer of sauce is enough! When I first began to make pizzas, I would load it up with sauce. I tried to get an even layer across the whole thing and I'd use over half the jar. Don't. I can now get three uses out of those small jars.

I also highly recommend grating your own cheese. I haven't bought grated cheese in a couple years. I always buy blocks of cheese and grate or slice it myself. I just feel like it's more fresh and melts so much better!

So put on a thin layer of sauce, cover the sauce with freshly grated mozzarella, and then top with a couple of your favorite toppings. We keep it simple with pepperoni and fresh basil. I also add banana peppers to my side - I like the strong flavor with a slight bite.

05. Pop the pizza back into the oven to finish cooking the dough and melt the cheese.

06. When the pizza comes out, finish it off with some extra basil, slice it up, and dive in with your favorite red wine.

I'm curious to hear how many of you make your own pizza and what you like to put on it? Let me know! I'm always open to trying new things in the kitchen.

Resolutions for 2017

2017-02-15T07:23:00.000-08:00

I'm baaackkkkkk.

Yeah, we are already well into February. Yeah I've been absent from my blog for months (er, years) only checking in here and there. Sorry about that. Interestingly enough, one of my resolutions this year is to get back into blogging. So here I am. Hi.

On a serious note, I started my first blog back in 2004. That was a huge year - Britney was married twice, Justin exposed Janet's boobie, Facebook launched, and I started my very first blog. On Xanga. If you know about Xanga, you're the real deal. The point is - I've been blogging for a while now; it truly is something I love doing. So it's on my list of resolutions for this year.

I actually never make resolutions. Mostly because I know it's all kind of moot to me. I can say what I want to do. Romanticize about eating well, getting the perfect body (ha, whatever that is!), getting organized, trying new recipes, being happy… of course we all want those things. I've just kind of always thought, why resolute to do these things at the beginning of each year? Why not every year, all year long we strive for these goals. Then another year passes on and I'm another five pounds heavier, my house is less organized than the year prior, and I've only made it out of the state to "travel" three times. Not exciting or inspiring.

I never make resolutions. They are in the back of my mind. But nothing really changes.

So this year I thought, maybe if I actually make resolutions, I will see some changes. Maybe if I write them down and share them with the world, something will happen. So here's to making resolutions!

2017 Resolutions:

001 // Drink more water

Seriously. Sometimes I wonder how I'm even still alive. Most days, the only water I drink is the water I used to make four cups of coffee. I need to drink more water.

002 // Work on better posture

I can slouch with the best of them. I actually just had to readjust myself in my chair because writing this reminded me I need to work on it. And I'm guessing after I write a couple more resolutions, I will be slouching again. Has anyone every tried one of those braces for posture? Or the vibrating device that let's you know you're slouching. I may need to invest in one.

003 // Take better care of myself

If you're a mom, and especially if you're a stay at home mom, taking care of yourself is on the back burner. From the time my feet hit the floor in the morning to the time I lay down at night, I'm dealing with a toddler and an infant - which leaves about two seconds in the day for myself. Sometimes I can't even recall the last time I brushed my teeth - let alone, took a shower. Those things are for the weekend, right?

004 // Start back blogging

Here we are - doing just that! Yay!

005 // Manage my time better for my business

Oh yeah, I have my own business now. I started back in September 2015, about a week before I found out I was pregnant with a big ole surprise baby. I have some posts lined up to share more about how I got started and what my business is all about.

006 // Declutter and minimize the things in my home

I started reading The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up - I'm only about half way through, but I'm already pumped about getting started on my home. Realistically, according to the author, it should take about six months. I'm shooting for two. Or three. Overachiever, I know.

007 // Cook more, eat out less

Having dinner made each night when you're a stay at home mom sounds a-whole-heck-of-a-lot easier than it actually is. Seriously, some days I blink and it's already getting dark outside. It's just so easy to have my husband pick something up on the way home. So this is going to take a bit of planning on my part, but it's something that I know I can do if I take the time to actually do it.

008 // Lose the extra weight and tone up

I'm probably within 10 pounds of being my pre-baby weight. My weight fluctuates on any given day, but I've dropped the, uh, 50lbs, I gained while pregnant with Allsion. Yeah, 50. I couldn't tell you how I lost that weight. It probably has something to do with the fact that I was running around the house chasing a baby just learning to walk, nursing the other, and rarely had time to eat. Not the best weight-loss plan, but I guess it worked.

I have a few other endeavors I'd like to conquer in 2017, but the eight resolutions above are what I am focused on for now. What are your resolutions for this year?

Berry Picking

2016-07-12T17:29:00.001-07:00

Yes, it's true. We've really made our rounds getting some fresh fruit. Last week we were at the Peach Park, and over the weekend we picked blueberries. Mom and I did the majority of the picking - Sadie Ann just grabbed whatever was within reach, and Allie slept. We did walk away with a gallon of blueberries! I've already made blueberry jelly and blueberry lemon scones - both delicious. We still have over half a gallon left so looks like round two of jelly and scones will be going down tomorrow.

A Visit to the Peach Park

2016-07-08T14:29:00.001-07:00

Thursday afternoon mom and I loaded up the girls and headed up the interstate to the Peach Park. I've lived about 20 minutes from the park for six years and finally went up there. I should have done this a lot sooner. These peaches are insanely good. Take all my money kind of good. There's nothing like a sweet, juicy peach in the middle of summer.

This Peach Park reminds me of an apple orchard that we visit in the NC mountains. It's simple and perfect and all the products are on point. The main produce is peaches, but there are also other locally grown fruits and veggies. Mom and I could not walk away without a basket full of tomatoes and squash. There are also canned goods like peach jam and peach salsa. Connected to the park was also a restaurant. We enjoyed the free smells of homemade barbecue and peach ice cream. It required quite a bit of strong-will to not stuff our faces (I'm trying really hard to lose some baby weight), but we were successful. However, we did decide that when we head up to Birmingham in the next week or so we would most definitely be stopping to try out the peach ice cream. I'll keep you all updated on how ah-mazing it is when we stop back by there.

Sadie Ann was completely exhausted by the time we got there. She had swimming lessons and they drain every bit of energy she has. She could barely hold her bottle. Allie, on the other hand, was wide awake and taking in all the sights.

Mom and I have spent the morning making peach butter and canning it for the winter time. I can only image how delicious some homemade biscuits and homemade peach butter will be around the holidays!

Sadie Ann // 18 Months Old

2016-06-27T09:33:00.004-07:00

Watching your babies grow up is a curious thing. At every age and stage I think to myself, I love this age, I wish she wouldn't grow up. I'm particularly loving 18 months.

Sadie Ann is constantly learning.

She looks, listens, observes, and takes in everything.

She imitates words, sounds, and intonations.

She uses signs and {mostly} follows directions.

She loves exploring new things.

This girl loves life.

She says dada, kay-kay for Katie, and nana for mama.

She loves going outside and playing in the grass or with leafs off of the tree.

She's warming up to her sister - she gives her kisses, plays with her feet, and gives her her paci.

Sadie Ann is a wonderful eater - some of her favorite foods are avocado, banana,

canned beets, butter beans, sharp cheddar, and tomatoes.

Her crawl is lightening fast.

She is able to stand and balance for several minutes at a time.

She's taking a couple steps and it's just a matter of time before she is running around our home.

She loves riding her bike and helping bake sweet treats.

She loves saying her prayers and shouting Amen!

She feels all genres of music deep in her soul and lets her body show it - this girls loves dancing!

Her personality, happiness, and love for life make every single day and joy just to be in her presence. I'm so fortunate to have such a blessing and a miracle in my life everyday.

This 1 pound, 6 ounces 11.5 inch baby is now 17 pounds, 3 ounces and 28.5 inches long!

Happy 18 months, big girl!

Allison Paige: One Month Old

2016-05-31T08:59:00.001-07:00

The days are long, but the years are short.

Nothing hurts my heart more than realizing the above saying is completely true. The past four weeks or so have seemed to crawl by slowly. The days and the nights are long. Oh, the nights. Then, out of nowhere, it's May 29th, and your newborn is already a month old. And your other newborn is 17 months old.

How did I get here?

I feel like I am very present in the day-to-day actives - trying to soak in every moment because I am hyperaware that time truly does fly by. I was given this warning several times by my mother growing up: the older you get, the faster times flies. She was right. Time always wins. It can't be paused or stopped - it keeps going and we keep moving.

We can only accept this reality and do our best to look past the laundry, dirty dishes, and messy house to enjoy each and every moment - or, in my case, just to survive the day with two tiny babies! We need to put the distractions away and play with musical barns and Noah's Ark; read books and make a mess at lunch. Otherwise, it won't be just a month that has passed by, it will be 18 years.

Our precious Allison Paige was born a month ago, on Sunday. The past month has been exhausting. Even with the help of Chris, my mom, and my mother in law, it's still been exhausting. It's also been beautiful. I find my life to be most beautiful in the rare moments when I have both of my girls in my arms or in my lap. Those moments are completely rare with a newborn and a one year old, but it's happened a couple times - and I soak up every minute.

At one month old, Allison still basically just sleeps and eats, but we are slowly learning more and more about her.

This tiny one month old has a short patience (and by short I mean no patience) between waking up and wanting milk. Her cry is painfully piercing, but I'm grateful for healthy lungs that have the ability to hit decibels no newborn should be able to hit. She loves nursing. Loves it. She'd stay at the bar all day if I let her! Her dirty diapers are constant. She has a love/hate relationship with a paci and being swaddled. She has piercingly beautiful blue eyes. And she sometimes giggles in her sleep. She loves snuggles and falling asleep on my chest. And that sweet smile melts my heart.

I'm thankful to have already enjoyed a month with this precious baby. I'm doing my best to enjoy every moment before they all turn into wonderful memories, but I also look forward to seeing her personality emerge and seeing her grow up. Such a bittersweet life we all live.

Happy one month, Allison Paige!

I'm currently working on writing up her birth story. I cannot wait to share that special day!

Pink Paisley

2016-04-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

dress // c/o PinkBlush

purse // Kate Spade {similar}

I'm backkkk! I never really went anywhere, but it has been quite some time since my last outfit post. Why? I'm a stay at home mom that really only gets out of the house for appointments, errands, and the occasional leisurely shopping trip. Otherwise, I'm in my maternity leggings, a sweater, and tennis shoes. Not quite blog worthy; however, incredibly functional and comfortable.

A lot has probably changed since you last saw a picture of me. Despite the convincing photographs, I'm not actually wearing white, sheer stockings - I'm just that lilly white right now. Yikes. And although I look as if I am smuggling an over-sized basketball, that's actually a baby that is (thankfully) staying put and growing!

I will say, I am slightly disappointed in myself for not taking advantage of dressing my baby bump this time around. When I went on bed rest so early in my last pregnancy and then delivered at 23 weeks, I felt robbed of being able to shop and wear pieces that look cute with a bump underneath them. However, my priorities throughout this current pregnancy have also been incredibly different now that a one year old occupies all of my being - from the time I wake up until the time she goes to bed. Such is life and I would not change it.

So snapping a picture when I actually look decent has been on the back burner. Until now. Check out this dress!

I've recently had the honor to collaborate with PinkBlush Boutique. Have you heard of them? They are a trendy, online boutique that offer clothes (and a ton of dresses) for women, maternity, plus size, nursing and even baby! They offer such an adorable and wide selection for maternity, but when I saw this particular dress, I had to have it! Yes, it's gorgeous, but even better than that, it's comfortable!

If you're in the market for maternity clothes or any type of pretty clothing, then hop over to ShopPinkBlush and get to browsing. Lightweight, bright-colored dress season is upon us and I'm confident you can find something!

My Baby Could Have Been Aborted On the Day She Was Born

2016-02-24T13:51:00.000-08:00

Writing this post has been heavy on my heart for quite some time. In fact, shortly after my daughters were born, I came across this video of a woman going undercover to expose the late-term abortion industry. A real eye-opener if you take the time to watch. The video crushed my heart because the undercover "planned" abortion was at 23 weeks and 2 days - which was the exact gestation that my babies were born.

In the recent year, as my life as travelled in directions I never dreamed, I have found the idea of late-term abortion makes me so uncomfortable and livid that when I really get to thinking about this selfish act, I can feel my blood pressure rise. I can feel myself being taken over by disgust and disappointment in those that choose, support, and complete these violent acts.

Maybe this is your first time to my blog. If so, I have some explaining to do. In 2014 I became pregnant with (fraternal) twins after two years of desperately trying to conceive. Both beautiful girls! At 16 weeks gestation, the lower baby's water broke. Miraculously I did not go into labor and was able to stay on hospital bed rest for seven weeks. At 23 weeks, her sac, which never re-sealed, developed a slight infection and threw my body into labor. My prayer was to only deliver her, but her sister could not stand the idea of being alone and decided to follow her big sister. Due to the lack of fluid for the past seven weeks, our first baby girl's lungs were not ready for this world and she passed shortly after birth. However, our second daughter was born moving and breathing and the NICU team was able to successfully intubate her. She spent 115 days in the NICU and is now 14 months old and perfectly healthy. A true miracle and testament to the power of prayer!

So let's go back to the day my babies were born and focus on my daughter, Sadie Ann, whose sac was intact up until delivery. She had no complications during pregnancy. She was simply born prematurely. Extrememly prematurely. She's called a micro-preemie. She was one-pound and six-ounces. She was 11.5 inches long. Her foot measured an inch. Her hands the size of my fingernail. She was impossibly small. Unimaginable unless you've seen if for yourself.

Still, despite her size, she was still a human. At 23 weeks and 2 days gestation she had a heart, a brain, lungs, stomach, eyes, hair, fingers, toes, nails, and a personality. Sure, she needed medical intervention to be given a chance to live, but her need for lung support, medication, and medical attention doesn't de-value her life.

When an adult is in a horrific car accident or an elderly person has a CVA (stroke) and requires lung support, medication, and medical attention we don't then consider them no-longer a life. No, we provide them what they need to hopefully pull them through their particular medical event. No difference in a stroke patient and a baby born at 23 weeks when it comes to the need for medical attention to hopefully save the life.

The thing that baffles me most about late-term abortion is this. Consider the day my daughter was born. Again, she was 23 weeks and 2 days gestation. That morning, prior to her birth, I had every right to go to a clinic and have her "humanely" aborted - also, although not as popular a term - killed. However, that afternoon, after she was born, if the same abortion process was preformed (you know, a large needle haphazardly injected into her brain, her limbs ripped off, and then her body parts sold or discarded), it would have been considered murder.

The baby didn't change. The only thing that changed was the name of the method used to kill it.

Same day.
Same torturous method.
Abortion if it's in the womb.
Murder if it's outside of the womb.

Our laws and our views have become so blurry and so desensitized that we only see and hear what we want. We overlook, or even ignore, the reality that it's still murder. It's tortuous for the child.

We've stripped babies of their right to life simply because of their location.

In explaining these truths, I simply want to bring awareness to anyone considering abortion and especially those considering late-term abortion. When the clinic says to you at 20, 21, 22, 23, 24 weeks... "it's not a baby yet" or that "the baby doesn't have all it's parts" they are lying. They are simply providing words to make you feel better about murder so they can remain a business. They are taking advantage of your lack of education.

Sure you might not have planned to become pregnant and may not be able to take care of a child - and that's ok! There are so many options for you and that child without stopping his/her heart and then removing the baby from your body by pulling off an arm and leg one at a time (yeah, it's harsh). Adoption is my favorite option available to you and so many (SO many) couples would love the opportunity to raise and provide for your child if you are unable or are not ready.

Consider your options. There are so many!
Consider that it's not just your life when abortion crosses your mind.

Here is my daughter. This is what a baby born at 23 weeks looks like.

This is what that baby can look like a year later. Beautiful, healthy, and happy.

TIME: A Cruel and Beautiful Gift

2016-02-01T20:10:00.002-08:00

In the past three years, time has revealed it's multi-layered face within my life.

Two years of trying to conceive felt like a lifetime; seven weeks of hospital bed rest blurred the lines between days and weeks; four months in a NICU felt like an eternity. Then, all of a sudden, I had a one year old; on top of that, I'm almost 25 weeks along in a pregnancy that I've just wrapped my head around.

How does time take forever and slip by simultaneously?

Tonight I sat on the bathroom floor, beside the tub; Sadie Ann was in her inflatable, yellow rubber-ducky tub. She smiled, carried on serious conversations with her toys, splashed, giggled, and listened to me when I had to tell her No (a couple times - she likes to try and climb out). I watched her hold and study her toys. I watched her make decisions and come up with independent thoughts.

I just watched.

It's been a few weeks coming. I've slowly been realizing the tiny baby that needed me for every nook and cranny of her life is growing up. She, of course, still needs me most of the time, but she can hold her bottle, she can sit on the floor and play by herself, she can move around and get the toy she wants, and she can entertain herself.

I'm no longer her sun.

Her world is getting bigger and my role is getting smaller. Only slightly smaller, but smaller none the less. Still, every aspect of her life is completely dependent on me - and will for many years to come; however, in each of those aspects she is gaining independence. An independence in which I am completely grateful - her prognosis at birth was quite terrifying and becoming an independent child wasn't guaranteed. So I'm overwhelmed with the progress and growth I see in her daily, but it's also a constant reminder that my little five-pound baby that we brought home at four months old, on April 10th, isn't that same tiny, needy baby. A hard and harsh reality to face.

Life doesn't wait for you to catch up - I find myself wanting to revisit the days she took a bottle every three hours. The nights when she was up two or three times. That sweet little face that has already changed so much. It all moves too quickly and I'm scared I'll be going to dance recitals and ball games, then taking her to the DMV and prom dress shopping next time I look up.

I was always warned of the beast of time. My mom and my grandmother have said multiple times, the older you get, the faster time flies! Yeah, I've noticed. But it's not until your baby girl is no longer a baby girl that it brings you to your knees.

My point is - tonight was a punch in the gut. It was a reminder that time doesn't stand still, there's no rewind button, and babies don't keep. And that's the cruel part. Contrastingly, we are given the gift of joy through watching them grow. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. We want them to develop their own independence. We want to see them move forward and create a successful and full life. Here I am realizing the juxtaposition of these emotions will be a never-ending tug-of-war game for the rest of my life.

Making a Mess

2016-01-25T19:23:00.000-08:00

It's only recently that Sadie Ann has been interested in touching her food. It's a preemie thing - sensory issues and aversions to different textures through touching and tasting. Her pediatrician encouraged me to just put food on her table every time she ate and she's eventually warm up to it. She was right. SA doesn't mind slimy or mushy textures as much anymore - and she has no problem with them when she can also play with a spoon.

So a messy photo shoot was produced!

This happened last week and I quickly learned, much like Sadie Ann, that I also had an aversion; however, mine was to making a mess. I'm definitely not a clean freak or control freak, but it turns out letting my baby make a mess with her food makes me slightly uncomfortable. Fortunately, her adorableness and enjoyment help me to quickly get over it.

Is it hard for any of you mothers to just let the babies be babies?

Finding Out the Baby's Sex

2016-01-22T08:21:00.001-08:00

During my first pregnancy, shortly after finding out we were having twins, Chris voiced that he did not want to find out the sex of the twins. Well, he quickly lost that battle. There was no way I could go an entire pregnancy with TWINS and not know what they were. There were too many possible combinations and with a nursery and registry that needed to be completed, I had to know!

So when this second pregnancy rolled around Chris, again, voiced that he didn't want to know the sex. I knew this was coming, but since it was a singleton and we already have some of the basic baby things, I decided I could wait.

As the weeks have passed by, I've warmed up more and more to the idea of not finding out the sex. It's fun to know during the pregnancy (you know, so we can snag cute baby clothes and pick out a name), but to find out in the moment of delivery sounds so thrilling and wonderful. We're in our 30's and there aren't many surprises left in this life. This is not only the ultimate gift, but the ultimate surprise. Just imagining that as the baby cries for the first time, which is such a glorious moment in and of itself, but to also hear the words It's a ___ just adds a whole new depth to the joy of that moment.

I'm one day away from 23 weeks - a tremendous milestone in this pregnancy and yesterday I had my last cervical length ultrasound. The night prior I was telling Chris that it would probably be the last ultrasound for a while - which makes me really sad. Having a complicated pregnancy is never desired, but if there is a benefit, it's that you get to see your baby A LOT! I've been spoiled when it comes to ultrasounds. When I was pregnant the first time I had weekly ultrasounds up to 12 weeks just because I was going to an infertility doctor. Then when I went on bed rest I had ultrasounds every other day. This pregnancy, because of the cervical length checks, I've had ultrasounds every other week. So the idea of going three, four, five weeks or more without seeing the baby is just weird.

So in our conversation that night, after talking about it being the last ultrasound for a while, I got an I'm about to say something unexpected look across the room from Chris. Then, out of nowhere he says…

I think I want to know what the baby is.

WHAT?!?!

Complete shock over here.

The anticipation is getting to him and he's not sure how much longer he can wait. Which I should have seen coming since the boy can't keep secrets. I mean if he buys me a Christmas gift before Christmas, he's going to give it to me the day he buys it. He can't handle the anticipation! He still wants to wait, but it's just getting harder!

Although, I've completely given into NOT knowing (*cough* Chris's idea) and I've romanticized the delivery and the announcement of the baby's gender immediately after birth, I love how excited he is! This has obviously been on his mind and he's now starting to give in. Either way, whether we find out before or after the birth, it's the most exciting thing ever. It will be thrilling no matter when we find out!

So at my appointment yesterday I took an envelope and a card that I made above. My ultrasonographer took pictures of the baby's gender, put it in our card, and sealed it up! If it becomes too much for Chris to handle, we will open the card - if he can pull it together and wait it out, we will wait!

In the meantime, I still have no clue or feeling as to what this baby is. The hardest part about not knowing is trying not to refer to the baby as "it". I try to say "the baby" most times. In my mind I generally refer to the baby as he, but I've also referred to the baby as she. I've only had one dream about the gender and it was a boy. However, when I was pregnant with the girls, I would dream about twin boys or boy/girls twins, but never twin girls. So it's all very confusing. All I know for sure about this baby is that he/she is growing strong and perfectly and is staying put!

A Long December

2015-12-31T18:43:00.001-08:00

There were times in the past year where I found myself jotting down emotions and thoughts through those darker, harder moments. I've smushed them all together to make a post for anyone going through a difficult journey. We all walk different paths and our darkness can look different, but the one constant is that the Light and our faith are able to take precedence in the hardest of times.

____________

And it's been a long December

And there's reason to believe

Maybe this year will be better than the last

 December 2014.

That month seemed to carry on long after all the calendars were thrown away and forgotten. A couple weeks following their birth it was a new year, but nothing felt new. Nothing changed. There were no resolutions and no excitement. It was just another day.

The weeks following December 15, 2014 felt like a bad dream - the kind where you know what's going on. You can see it all, but everything around you is blurred and dark. Except the fear in front of you. There's a spotlight shining down on that so you don't forget about it. All of your pain and fear is illuminated. And even worse than that, there is no escape.

During that time, I feared this feeling would linger far longer than I wanted or could even handle. That the darkness that continuously hovered and hung over my shoulders would never lift away. It was difficult to see ahead because the fear and pain were blinding. Hope seemed out of my grasp.

Shamefully, I was scared to love my daughter. Of course I loved her, but readily giving her any large part of myself seemed careless because the fear of losing her was greater than anything else in my small world. I wasn't capable of losing another child. I couldn’t do it. Fear took over my faith and life was miserable.

Looking back and attempting to captivate the emotions I felt during this time is a bit overwhelming. My life had become the perfect storm for pain. The present was devastating and the future was unpredictable, but worse than being unpredictable, it was mostly grim. Those emotions and memories will forever be so vivid in my mind. When I think back, it becomes a feeling that I will always remember. The memories hit me in the gut and I remember what it felt like to have my life shattered into pieces just lying around me – out of reach and unrepairable.

Those feelings, the sounds, the smells, the view of my fragile baby, and the wondering of my own thoughts, when revived in my mind, hurt just as badly as they did at the time, but coming out on the other side makes them bearable when I do go back to that time.

I've mentioned before I try to never question God. That's not my role. But I do specifically remember the drive to the funeral home. It was two days after the girls' birth and Mary Elliott's death. Chris and I were in the car alone. Hand in hand. It was dark and cloudy with a slight mist in the air. The weather seemed to mirror our emotions. As we turned off our street, I verbalized the cold truth. We were 30 years old and driving to the funeral home to discuss the plans for our late daughter. At that moment I confessed to God that I just didn't understand. Why are we driving to see and kiss our baby girl for the last time? With the gift of time, I’ve come to realize that trying to comprehend the whys in life isn’t always necessarily my role. It’s easy to worry yourself to the point of sickness when you dwell on trying to figure out everything. Thankfully, my faith has allowed me to have peace and trust in God’s reasons – it’s not always easy, but it is enough.

The smell of hospitals in winter

And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls

All at once you look across a crowed room

To see the way that light attaches to a girl

Being in the hospital in winter - through the holiday and through the new year - it's a very eerie feeling. Something you don't want to experience. It's sad. Not just for the reasons you are there, but also for the unknown reasons everyone you pass is in there. It's uncomfortable. Like being homesick. There was nowhere else we would have been, but it also felt like being a prisoner.

Despite the chilling sounds of monitors, the spotlight shining down on my fragile, weak daughter, and grim updates from doctors in those first few weeks, as time passed and I was able to pull myself together, deep in my heart, I had peace. I had this undeniable feeling that our daughter would leave that NICU perfectly healthy. All statistics were against her, but I was beginning to see a beautiful outcome - a healthy one we wanted for our daughter before she was even conceived.

I've never talked about this feeling of peace I had, but it was very present. It wasn't immediate, but it wasn't long after the start of her journey. We hadn't received much good news and she wasn't close to passing any milestones, but I knew.

I specifically remember hearing from nurses or other professionals different possible scenarios - “preemies usually have… this or that... to deal with throughout the rest of their lives.” I received the information as something to possibly prepare us for if/when that time came, but I also remember, a lot of the time, thinking not our Sadie Ann, she’s strong and is an overcomer. Her story is different. I felt like her being a micropreemie was more so a means to an end. And that’s what my mindset became. This was the peace that passed all understanding (Philippians 4:7). It never made the journey easy, but it restored all my hope and did help me make it through those hard days.

And that peace I had proved to be her story.

____________

So it finally feels like that year is over.

I'm thankful to put this past year behind me. I didn't know if it would ever end and then it was over before I could catch my breath. This year has been so significant in my life - it's has strengthened my faith, strengthened my relationship with my husband, it has taught me that even in the depths of great sorrow, great pain, great fear, and unpredictable futures there can be light. There can be significant lessons learned. It is possible to walk out of a storm better off and stronger than you ever imagined.

Although the pain of loss carries on for a lifetime, the joy of children and motherhood (whether they are in your arms or not) also carries on. And it's a gift I’ll treasure for the rest of my life.

Despite an undesirable year, we are thankful.

We move forward.

And we can laugh again.

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25

To My Daughter on Her First Birthday

2015-12-26T19:10:00.000-08:00

My darling Sadie Ann,

It has taken me quite a bit longer to write this letter than what I initially thought. I guess really sitting down and wrapping my mind around the reality that you are one year old is a lot more difficult than I even imagined. It seems surreal because time, in this past year, has lost it's meaning and become the biggest blur of my life.

In the days and weeks following your birth, there was no certainty of a celebratory birthday in your future - that was our reality a year ago. And yet, here we are. Celebrating and thanking the Ultimate Physician for everything you've overcome. Your strength. Your willingness to fight and preserver. In your short, one year life, you've faced more than some face in a lifetime. You've proven that 23 weekers should be given the chance to be called "viable" (mommy, hates that word!). And through this past year, you've already been an inspiration to so many. You've introduced faith to some, restored faith for others, brought people to their knees for the first time, and provided motivation for others.

A year ago I couldn't touch you. Your chance at surviving was small. If you did survive, it was likely that you would have significant health issues beyond the NICU. We were told that you'd face pulmonary difficulty throughout your life. We were told the extra steroids you required for your lungs could possibly cause brain damage and developmental deficits. We were told you could likely never walk due to a growing brain hemorrhage. We were told your prematurity and need for oxygen would most likely result in some degree of blindness. But, we were also told every baby is different.

You crushed the NICU. The first two months were challenging and terrifying, but once you were finally off of your breathing machine (it was a long 59 days) you took off! Two months after that we carried you out of those doors and welcomed you home. You left that NICU without any need for medication or supplemental oxygen, your brain bleeds resolved, and a few months later you were cleared by the retina specialist and pediatric ophthalmologist with perfect vision. Seeing who you are a year later, it's hard to believe where you started out.

So many people you've never met - that mommy and daddy never met - have prayed for you. Have been on their knees crying out for your health. You are easily the most prayed for human that I know. And even greater than that, the God of this Universe, took the time to listen to all of our cries and answer them. You are a beautiful example of the power of prayer. Your story will always include a world-wide group of prayer warriors.

Despite all the trails and hardships you've faced, you are happy. The constant smile on your face reminds me daily of how far you've come. Your laugh brings me to tears because of all it represents - strong lungs, typical brain function, social skills, and, of course, a baby that is happy. Your personality shines bright every day. Your idiosyncrasies melt my heart. I adore the sounds you make, how serious you become when you're "talking", I love how you aimlessly rub my hand or chest when you are drinking your bottle as you fall asleep, my heart explodes hearing the sweet sounds you make right before you fall asleep, I love starting every single day receiving a smile from you as I walk into your room to get you out of your bed, I love how you root into my chest when you're tired, I love the excitement on your face when I give you two play cups to bang together, I love how you absolutely lose control in complete happiness when I start singing You Are My Sunshine - but the truth is you are.

I've never experienced this type of joy and happiness simply by loving another human being. My love for you is indescribable. It's only a feeling that I have the complete pleasure of feeling every day and for the rest of my life.

You are my sunshine, my joy, and my love.

Mommy loves you more than you will ever know. Happy first birthday, baby girl!

xo,
Mommy

A Letter to My Daughter on Her First Heavenly Birthday

2015-12-15T17:48:00.000-08:00

Our sweet, precious Mary Elliott,

First and foremost, what an undeserved pleasure it was to be hand picked by our Lord to be your earthly mommy. Your time here was fleeting and painfully short, but oh, so significant - and I have the privilege to call you mine. We get to call you ours.

You were such a strong little girl here on earth. How you managed to stay stay inside of me for seven weeks after losing all your fluid, and never retaining it, I will never know or completely comprehend. But you did it. You stayed still and strong. God was undoubtedly with you.

The days following your short life here on earth, I continuously held on to the loss of you. I contemplated why you were placed inside of me and then taken away so quickly. When I was pregnant, I'd spend days dreaming about holding you in your nursery, watching you play and giggle with your sister, and enjoying each day as you grow. Then, in the blink of an eye, all those precious moments I looked forward to were stolen. They would never happen. And after your untimely exit, in those first few weeks, I couldn't help but focus on all of those daydreams never playing out. They were stripped away from my life.

As time passed, I continued to pray for you and think about you daily; I then considered that you were never meant to stay in this world. Maybe you were never meant to grow up in front of me. Those daydreams of you and your sister together would only ever be memories I created on my own - and while this is a painful reality, it's also beautiful. As I made this realization, I began to wonder why exactly you were placed inside of me? Why would a precious life be given to me and then taken away before I could even grasp the reality that you were gone?

I've thought of a thousand different scenarios and I will never really know until I can ask the Lord. But for right now, while I continue to graze this world with my simple mind, I will clutch onto the most beautiful reason I can imagine. A reason that makes it all bearable.

You were placed inside of me to save your sister's life.

It all makes a little more sense this way - and hurts a bit less. Since your conception and early days inside of me were so closely monitored, I know that you came along a couple days after Sadie Ann. I imagine God foreseeing a rupture during my pregnancy. He sent you along to be the lower baby and to take the rupture that would not heal. He gave you strength to remain inside of me for seven weeks. Until you and your sister were 23 weeks and 2 days - possibly the exact gestational age your sister needed to be to then survive outside of my womb. This, I imagine, is why you were given to me and why you were placed inside of me. Your purpose in this life.

Whether this is the reason or not, you still saved your sister's life through your strength. She's here with us because you held on each day following your rupture. Each morning that I had an ultrasound and we didn't see any fluid around you my heart broke a bit more, but I was always thankful you were hanging in there despite the undesirable circumstances. So today I not only admire your strength, but thank you for your strength. Because of it, I do get to hold your little sister each and every day. I do get to watch her play, learn, and giggle. I've watched her over the past year smash statistics, beat odds, and show the world what a miracle baby looks like. And I thank you for that. You helped provide her with that chance.

So here we are, a year later. It still hurts. I still cry. I never know when it will hit me, but when it does, it hits hard. I'm confused all over again; I'm angry, in incredible pain, and I lose myself in the uncontrollable tears. I want to drop to my knees and scream because it hurts so bad. This is something I've come to grips with over the past year and that I will experience for the rest of my life. I will forever grieve the loss of you because there's no getting over the loss of a child - no matter how long or short their lives here were.

On the day you were born, after the chaos of the room cleared out and I was rolled away to a quiet and empty post-pardum room, I had so many of my sweet L&D and antepartum nurses come by to express their sorrow and sympathy for our loss and the new situation that was in front of us. That afternoon was easily a blur, but there was one conversation I remember so vividly. A nurse came in my room, sat on my bed with me, and held my hand. She told me:

You haven't lost anything if you know where it is.

It was so profound and exactly
what I needed to hear. It gave me hope in that dreadful situation and it's something I've reminded myself of countless times in the past year. I haven't lost you because I know exactly where you are. My faith gives me hope and confidence that one day I will hold you again. Your eyes will be open, your lungs will be strong, and the tears that fall from my face onto yours will be tears of complete joy. Oh I look forward to that day.

Until then… Every day I think of you, but especially this week and on December 16th. Your beauty and purpose puts a smile on my face despite the pain of not having you here. I love you, oh, so much! I miss you daily, but I know you will have the most incredible day celebrating your first year in heaven! I can only imagine what it must be like. I love you. Happy First Heavenly Birthday, sweet girl!

Love,
Mommy

Mary Elliott

December 16, 2014

1lb 3oz, 12.5" long

A SURPRISE Pregnancy

2015-12-02T19:22:00.001-08:00

And it was a BIG surprise.

To say we were shocked to learn this news is an incredible understatement. We were not trying, this was not our plan; this happened completely unassisted by any medication, nurses, doctors, or procedures. I actually wasn't on any medication at all - I'd ditched it all. But that makes the fact that this happened even more so unbelievable. A complete miracle. Our second miracle.

I've passed 12 weeks. Which is a big milestone - especially since my body has done all the work by itself. Typically 12 weeks is considered a safe zone, but after your water breaks at 16 weeks and you deliver at 23 weeks, you realize there is no safe zone in pregnancy. So every week that rolls over means there's one behind us and for that we are thankful.

I learned of this surprise on September 20th, a Sunday night. I went to the bathroom to take a shower - a complete luxury these days. As my shower water was warming, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I did not think I was pregnant. At all. I only knew it was getting close to two months since my last cycle and although I typically have longer cycles, this was getting to be the longest since giving birth.

I took the test ~~thinking~~ knowing it would be negative. Hoping a negative test would tell my brain to tell my body to go ahead and get this show on the road! I cared so little about that test, I decided to not even wait around, but to go ahead and shower and then I'd just look at it afterwards. For some reason, I needed to go back to my counter to get something and when I glanced down I saw a bright, strong line. I initially thought it was the control line, but after closer examination, I realized it was in fact the test line.

My jaw dropped. My hands covered my mouth. I stared at myself in the mirror. What?

My first reaction was tears. I cried for a lot of reasons. I was shocked and surprised. In denial that this was real life. I was scared. My mind was not prepared for another pregnancy so soon after such a traumatic experience. I'd even recently began to consider the idea of Sadie Ann being an only child. So this hit me in the gut, really hard.

I went on to shower and afterwards ended up in Sadie Ann's nursery. Sitting in her rocking chair. I lost it. I was sobbing. Juggling a hundred different emotions. Chris eventually came in, holding Sadie Ann. He walked in on me crying and I saw the fear in his face. He asked me four, five times, What's wrong, Linley?

Nothing was wrong.

Then I told him. I'm pregnant.

Through my tears I saw his jaw drop and then a smile come across his face. He was comforting, also in shock, but immediately happy. He looked to Sadie Ann and told her she was going to be a big sister. Seeing him completely happy (doing a great job of hiding any fear he might have been feeling) about the news helped me to gather myself and dry the tears.

God definitely likes to remind us that we don't make our own plans. As I mentioned earlier, I had recently began to think we would just be a family of three. At one point in my life I wanted four children. At this point, I was completely content with one. Even if we were to have more children, it would be several years from now. I knew I wanted to give everything I had to Sadie Ann these first three or four years of her life. And after finding out I was pregnant, this is what I struggled with the most. I was immediately worried she wouldn't get every ounce of me that she deserved.

I was wrapped up in this idea for a while.

Then, in a conversation with Chris, he said she will never know the difference. And he was right. God used that simple sentence to completely turn my fear and emotions around. If anything, she's going to love having a baby in the house. Someone so close in age as they are growing up. And that makes me smile.

Today I am 15 weeks and 4 days. Even into the second trimester, sometimes this just doesn't seems real. Then I catch a glimpse of my growing belly and am reminded this is very real. In the past week, I've even began to feel the baby flip and move about - a feeling I didn't realize I missed so badly. Today I took a nap with Sadie Ann. She was snuggled up with me. I had her in my arms and could feel the baby flipping and I felt so blessed. I was laying there surrounded by two blessings and two miracles. And Katie.

Next week is 16 weeks. I'm obviously juggling a bit of fear, but like I discussed with my OBGYN, this baby was not our plan, it was God's. That fact gives me confidence that He will protect me and the baby and carry us to full term without any unexpected events - restoring our hope in pregnancy. That's my prayer. Every single day.

I'm having ultrasounds every other week to check my cervix - checking the length and to make sure there is no funneling or concerning issues. So far so good! We're doing an extra one next week just because it's week 16 - mainly for my peace of mind.

Right now my mind is at peace. Even though I had no desire to become pregnant any time soon, I'm thankful to have this experience again. An experience I didn't know if I was willing to ever give a second chance.