Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had this dream twice in one week and I would like to know what it means. I am not the sort of person to remember my dreams each night, so initially when this one was vivid in my mind in the morning I attributed it to stress at work or with my boyfriend. When I had the exact same dream a few days later I wrote it down because it made no sense to me. Here goes…

I was traveling at night in the rain to a baseball game in Oakland (I do not live there, but my boyfriend loves the A’s). On the way I stopped at an apartment I was unfamiliar with. I knocked on the door and was greeted by a beautiful man I did not recognize. I was immediately attracted to him and I tried to leave but a bright silver cord connected us from my chest to his. I gave up fighting and followed the cord until we were in a passionate embrace. I kissed the stranger like he was a long lost lover! We ran to his bedroom and made love, and afterward I went to his closet for a robe. I found women’s clothing and put on a light blue kimono. Then his live-in girlfriend came home! We hid in the closet, terrified. He went out to distract her but she found me. I felt terrible for hurting her but not sorry — I was in love. Then I woke up.

It is not my style to cheat or be a home wrecker, so I have no idea where these images came from in my brain!

Lauri: Your instinct that this dream was triggered by stress with your boyfriend is probably spot on. Your dream starts where you are driving in the rain, which is a good indication you have been traveling through life with a bit of sorrow lately as that is what the rain is, your tears (even if you only shed them on the inside). Your destination is Oakland, which you connected to something your boyfriend loves. Good job making that connection! This suggests that you are trying to reach a place in your relationship where your boyfriend will love you the way he loves the Oakland A’s.

You make a stop in the dream before you reach your destination because in waking life you need to stop and gather yourself because something is not going so well. The man in your dream is a part of you, he is a part of your self that you need to be attracted to and that you need to unite with (hence the sex) and utilize in your life right now. This is why you were connected to him in your dream… he is you, your male energy, the part of you that can be “ballsy” and stand up for what is right and handle the situation.

You are connected at the chest because the chest is where the heart is and where we carry our emotions. Your dream may be telling you to “step up to the plate” (since we’re using baseball references) and have a heart to heart with your BF. Notice how you gave up fighting in the dream? You need to give up fighting in real life too and connect with him on a male energy level. In other words, don’t let your emotions cloud the conversation. Sometimes the pain we feel overpowers or distorts the facts.

Hiding in the closet suggests there is something in waking life you may be hiding, perhaps a certain thought or idea you have been keeping to yourself. The girlfriend represents your role as girlfriend. Yes, everything in your dream is all about you! Your dream is showing you that, as a girlfriend, you need to “open up” about this issue or this thought that you have been keeping to yourself. It may hurt – just as the girlfriend was hurt in the dream – but you are in love and honesty is always the best policy. Oh yeah, and that light blue kimono is letting you know that this will lighten your “blues.”

Dreamer’s response: Thank you so much for analyzing my dream.  I was surprised to read the interpretation that I was hiding a thought in real life, because as soon as I read that I knew it was true.  Since March my boyfriend (of two years) and I have been talking seriously about getting married.  I love him so much and we are both excited! He chose a location, we outlined a budget, and we recently agreed to announce to both our families at Thanksgiving.

However, I’ve had a gut feeling that something was off for a little while.  He talks a good game when we are with family and friends but when we are alone the vibe is lacking our usual closeness.  I have asked more than once what’s wrong but he insisted everything was fine.  I tried having more sex, less sex, more dates… nothing helped.

After reading your assessment I knew I couldn’t ignore the elephant in the room any longer.  I did what every woman should restrain herself from doing — I checked his phone.  It was awful!  There were dozens of text messages to other women.  Dozens!  Most were just flirty, some were totally sexual.  It was clear he was having sex with one woman in particular every few weeks!  I was horrified, crushed, nauseated…stunned!  I had been ready to share my life with this man. Suddenly little clues I had been willfully ignoring all fell into place.  He had been cheating on me for months, starting when he privately proposed in March.

Obviously, I confronted him and we had it out Big Time.  How could he do this to me?!? and Why?

He had no excuses.  He crumpled like a wet taco, said he didn’t know why he had done it, the other woman meant nothing to him, he had never wanted to leave me, HE STILL LOVED ME more than ever, it was just sex, he had always planned to stop before the wedding…

I was so hurt and disgusted, with him and myself.  He admitted that he needed help and then begged me to stay with him and work through it.  Shame on me, I thought about it.  I asked my mother and best friend for advice and was shocked that my mother’s advice was to see if I could forgive him.  She is usually very protective of me, but this time she commented that if I had found out after we were married I would have had to just cope, forgive, and move on so why not do so now?

Even if I could have forgiven him, I would never have trusted him again.

So the wedding is off.

Thank you Lauri for helping me listen to myself.  I can see now that I knew more than I was ready to admit.  Driving through the rain in my dream definitely seems like the sadness I have felt trying to figure out what was wrong with us, and thank goodness my inner male self knew I had to put my foot down even if it hurt my heart.

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! And don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s free Dream Dictionary on her site.

Before we started writing about sex, we had no idea that so many scientists and researchers spent time so much time studying our sexual proclivities. These days we have trouble thinking of anything sexual that hasn’t been qualified and quantified and written up in a science journal.

Take the age-old issue of whether you’re ruining your shot at a relationship if you sleep with someone on a first date. According to science — at least, according to a new study out of the University of Iowa, just published in the journal Social Science Research — not necessarily. Once you factor out people who weren’t serious about entering a relationship in the first place, it’s pretty much even-stevens. Meaning, couples who boinked on the first date tend to be just as happy and satisfied in their long-term relationship as couples who held off for a while and just masturbated furiously when they got home after a date. (Okay, so that furious masturbation thing wasn’t actually in the survey — we made that up.)

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Play a game of cat and mouse this week. No, you can’t be the cat. You were the cat last time. Give someone else a chance for a change. Play it safe, eat some cheese, be the damn mouse. And don’t even think about whipping out that black leather suit à la Halle Berry in Catwoman. And put down that leotard. You’ll be the mouse and you’ll damn well like it!

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
You’ve got a million things on your plate, you’re constantly on the go and you never shut up — and that’s a good thing. The hard part is finding someone who can keep up. Giving partners time to build up their enthusiasm muscles will help any potential relationships. So will secretly replacing their caffeine-free Diet Coke with Red Bull.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Being in a relationship is not the be-all and end-all. Think of the time demands, the emotional dependency, the routine. Sure, we’re just saying this to make you feel better, but if you’re not with the right person then all that stuff can be an issue. Take some time to date yourself and find out what it is you really want (and no, we’re not just talking about masturbation).

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Your aggressive nature will send your lover running in the opposite direction. Or maybe it’s your body odor. Cover all your bases and keep both in check this week.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Resist the temptation to send your sweetheart flowers, tattoo their name on your butt, sky-write a marriage proposal or build a secret voodoo shrine with red candles, bird talons, Xeroxed copies of their face and lots of goat’s blood. There’s a fine line between enthusiasm and stalking; don’t cross it this week. ‘Cause if you ever watch Lifetime, then you know: Stalkers never win.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
If you chase anything long and hard enough, chances are you’ll become convinced that the chase is worth it. Chances are, the thrill of the chase will make you forget what it is you’re chasing. We’re not sure if it’s your fancy new Pumas or all those butt-clenching exercises you’ve been doing at your desk (yes, we see you), but this week, you’re going to win the chase. Enjoy the victory lap, because by the time you get home, you may be bored of your prize.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Frequenting old haunts is the best thing you can do for love this week. Who knows what that means, but at least you have plans for the weekend now.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
If you are subtle with your flirtations, you will attract someone very observant. And if you are obvious, you will turn off everyone and go home alone and sad. This week, get involved in organizations where you can meet large groups of people. Once there, try to attract someone very observant. Get the picture?

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Spend more quality time with yourself. Resist the urge to turn on the TV. Remember, you’re not that boring.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Don’t deny the world the fabulousness of you this week. Get out. Have fun. Don’t drink too many dirty martinis.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Aquarius, Aquarius, Aquarius. Why, oh why, do we feel like we just keep telling you the same thing week after week. Probably because we do. Are you listening? There are life lessons here that you should be actively applying in the day to day. For instance, take off those silly rose-colored glasses once and for all. And would you stop moving so quickly when it comes to relationships? Yeah, you’re right, you probably won’t, because you’re an Aquarius, after all. But please, just this once, won’t you try, for us?

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
You are cruisin’ for a bruisin’ of your heart (and other organs) if you don’t ease up on the quick and casual, purely physical trysts. Animal lust is a beautiful thing, but so is Barbie, and we all know she’s not the first person we’d want around when the shit comes down. There’s something to be said for having a partner who has more between their ears than rubber-smelling air.

Writing about sex and relationships is hard work: all the Eyes Wide Shut balls we’re required to attend, all the whips and chains we need to inspect, all the pillow fights we have to have in our lingerie. It’s exhausting! So we’re taking a long weekend (and hope you are too!). We’ll be back on Tuesday refreshed and ready to take on all your pressing romantic inquiries.

• YourTango: A crash course in Mad Men-style lovin’.
• EdenFantasys’ Sexis: The Blogess on the weirdest Google queries that led to her page.
• TheFrisky: 23 really bad sex moves that guys need to ban from their repertoire.
• TresSugar: Just like Cher, polyamory is making yet another comeback.
• TomFoolery: Weird beauty trend: bleaching your…everything?
• CollegeCandy: 6 apps that have changed the way we date.
• LemonDrop: Apparently 1 in 4 lapdancers has a college degree. (Gotta pay those student loans somehow.)

When we read that a researcher at the University of Wales Institute in Cardiff had released a study claiming that the cougar dating trend is a myth and a media construct, we were ready to buy his argument. After all, we’ve witnessed first-hand — and have occasionally, shame on us, been responsible for — how a so-called trend can get blown out of all proportion for the sake of a sexy headline. So we tend to be more than ready to believe that a much-hyped, now-sitcom-ed trend is actually just hype.

But it turns out that the researcher, Michael Dunn, doesn’t have the most water-tight argument himself. For one thing, his theory is based solely on stats from public online dating profiles, which as we all know, are notoriously unreliable sources of information (who knew the world contained so many men over 6 foot?!). The profiles he looked at (in North American, Europe, Australia, and Japan) showed that most women are looking for men their own age or older and most men are looking for younger women. In other words, Dunn’s real finding is that people don’t use mainstream online dating sites to find or be a cougar… or at least, if they do, they don’t admit it openly in their profiles.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Dear Em & Lo.

I’m a 48-year-old female and I can’t seem to achieve an orgasm during oral sex. It all seems too intense. However, I don’t have any problems when masturbating. I feel it is like… someone else scratching your feet… it tickles. If I do it myself, it doesn’t tickle. Is there anything I can do so that my man can achieve this wonderful thing for me?

– Don’t Tickle Me Elmo

What should D.T.M.E. do? Share your advice and experience below…

Teens now spend a whopping seven hours per day on various forms of media. So the American Academy of Pediatrics just issued a revised policy statement, “Sexuality, Contraception, and the Media,” in the September 2010 print issue of Pediatrics (published online Aug. 30). In addition to calling for the creation of a national task force on children, adolescents and the media to be convened by child advocacy groups in conjunction with the CDC or National Institutes of Health, it includes updated recommendations for pediatricians and parents on how to deal with this sex-soaked culture. Among the new recommendations since 2001:

• In addition to supervising their children’s traditional media use, parents (as well as pediatricians) should understand social networking sites and counsel kids about using them.
• The entertainment industry should be encouraged to produce more programming that contains responsible sexual content and that focuses on the interpersonal relationship in which sexual activity takes place. Meanwhile, advertisers should stop using sex to sell products.
• Pediatricians and the government should urge and encourage the broadcast industry to air advertisements for birth control products.
• Ads for erectile dysfunction drugs, which can be confusing to young viewers, should not air until after 10 p.m.
• Parents can use media story lines as teachable moments to discuss sex with their teens instead of doing “the big talk.”

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

We’re not taking sides on this debate (yet!), but we did like Dannie’s analogy where she compares penis prejudice to a man refusing to sleep with a woman whose inner labia hang lower than the outer. And the debate rages on…

When erect, an uncircumcised penis looks pretty much the same as a circumcised penis, and the foreskin provides comfort benefits to the woman involved in intercourse as well. Which leaves only the aesthetic of the flaccid penis to be your criterium for whom you will and will not sleep with. Sorry, but that seems a bit shallow to me. And as for my personal preference, I find nothing aesthetically attractive about a penis that has a strip of skin missing at the glans — but even so, that wouldn’t prevent me from judging a person’s potential for sex based solely on that little personal physical preference.

Also, a man has a right to decide what he wants to do with his body — a woman’s/partner’s preferences shouldn’t weigh in on his own personal comfort and satisfaction. I mean, a woman with her labia minora extending past her labia majora shouldn’t have her inner labia trimmed just because a man thinks it looks bad. She’d be losing precious nerves, protective tissue, and risking awful complications. Sound familiar? It should be the informed, consenting adult man’s choice. Period.

– Dannie, responding to the post “Dear Dr. Joe, What Do You Think About Circumcision?”

photo by gniliep

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City and she answers your medical questions here once a week. To ask her your own question, click here.

Dear Dr. Kate,

When trying to conceive, are there things you can do to try to tip the scales in the direction of one sex or the other, i.e. so if you wanted a baby girl you could increase your odds and vice versa?

– Gender Bender

Dear GB,

There are some theories about trying for a girl or a boy, famously laid out in Dr. Shettles’ book, How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby. These ideas haven’t been tested in large-scale studies (though that would be interesting!), so I’d file this advice in your doesn’t-hurt-to-try-it folder.

Male sperm are thought to be faster but weaker swimmers, so to try for a boy, you want to have sex as close to the time of ovulation as possible. Have sex the day before and the day of ovulation, if you can. And the best positions are ones that get the deepest penetration—him entering her from behind, or on her back with her legs pulled back—to deliver the sperm closest to the uterus. Best of all, female orgasm helps move those little guy swimmers towards the egg, so she should try to climax around the time that he does.

Female sperm, on the other hand, are slower but heartier, so to try for a girl, you want the male sperm to have swum off (or died off!), leaving only the female ones behind. The best times to have sex are two or three days before you ovulate. Your guy should pull out slightly when he comes; this makes the sperm have to travel the length of the vagina, increasing the chances that the stronger female sperm will make it. And the woman should try not to have an orgasm when trying for a girl (oh, the irony).

– Dr. Kate
Gynotalk

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.