We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. This week, we had two very similar inquiries from both a straight woman and a straight man. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

My boyfriend has been on antidepressants for almost a year.  He can no longer come through vaginal intercourse – only intense BJs or HJs.  I am minorly managing to avoid insecurity in this situation (he says he thinks my vagina is too soft – but he reassures me that it’s him, not me), but I am definitely suffering from this lack of intimacy.  How can I continue to support him, pad my frustration and sense of sadness, and not give him (or myself) a complex?  I worry that any input will change the mental part of the situation once the meds are done, so I just kinda do my thing and then we stop.  I also worry that all this intense play for ejaculate will mean my man will never get off from old-fashioned sex again – that he’ll wind up desensitized.  What do I do?

– Ms. Frustrated

and…

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for over four years and I’ve never met anyone like her.  I am thrilled with my catch, but the one problem area is in the bedroom.  She has had a host of medical conditions that have made our sex life erratic at best.  When we are able to get down, it’s great, but very often she experiences pain, discomfort, etc.  She has seen multiple doctors and attempted many solutions, but it seems to be a never ending rollercoaster.  The latest recommendation has been to cut out intercourse for an indefinite period.  I feel I’ve been very sympathetic and understanding throughout the relationship about this situation and I know she appreciates it.  But this is maddeningly frustrating for both of us and I understand that she feels embarrassed/ashamed/guilty etc. for the whole problem.  I continue to try to be supportive, but obviously the issues are wearing on me as well.  I do feel like we’ve improved on communicating about it, but that hasn’t necessarily assuaged my frustration with the issue and I feel like my needs aren’t being met.  How would you suggest a couple handle a problem like this?

– Mr. Frustrated

What should Ms. and Mr. Frustrated do? Let them know in the comments below. 

• SNL has an actually funny and actually informative round-up of all the bullshit last week.
• The testimony Republicans didn’t want you to hear last week.
• Hello? Why aren’t we talking about the tons of unplanned pregnancies — and their sky-high costs — that contraception saves us from?
• For great coverage on all the latest battles in the war on women’s reproductive health, check out RH Reality Check – there’s nobody better.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Pop culture is filled with examples of how women deal with breakups. How do most guys deal with really bad breakups?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): This depends of course entirely on the man, and I think it’s impossible to suggest how “most guys” deal with really bad breakups, when every man is different. Some will collect all their stuff and go out with someone new the next night, others will shutter themselves in their homes and weep away the days. It will all depend on the length, intensity and commitment level of the relationship — and of course the personality of the guy. Personally I always felt it was a waste of time to sit around feeling sad and sorry for the state of my affairs. I’d usually take one night to have a good cry, reminisce and look at old pictures, and then move on.

Straight Single Guy (Adam): This is an easy one. When a guy has a really bad break up he spends a lot of time in a ratty old bathrobe, lamenting the loss of love and shutting himself off to the world. At some point he realizes the error of his ways and makes a grand sweeping romantic gesture in the hopes of winning back the girl of his dreams back. Sometimes it works, but when it doesn’t, he gets a reassuring sense that everything will be all right because “she’s doing okay” and he really only wanted her to be happy in the first place. … And then the credits roll. See, the movies are full of stereotypes about guys, too.

In the non-movie world though, the answer is a little more complex. How long were they together? Were they in love? How did it end, and who ended it? The answers to these questions will have a lot to do with how a guy typically handles a breakup. All that said, though, I think that, as a general rule of thumb, guys will try to do their best to put their exes out of their minds for the short term and get back out into the social scene as quickly as possible to build up their confidence again and avoid focusing on what is ultimately a pretty painful thing. Hey, it’s not all that romantic, but in this case, life doesn’t really imitate art.

Confidential aside to all the single women reading: None of this, of course, applies to ME… I’ll give you romantic gestures and deep depression over my loss of you…of course.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): It really depends on the guy and the breakup, but as a general rule, guys definitely try to go out and hook up as much as possible as quickly as possible. And that’s pretty much it. No long talks, no ice cream, no sad movies, we just want to get out there and give our damaged ego a boost as soon as is humanly possible.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross, who works for a network news program and lives in Brooklyn with his husband and two dogs; our Straight Single Guy is Adam, a lawyer and native Floridian in his early thirties; and our Straight Married Guy is a little shy. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

In honor of awards season, we have determined our own winners (and losers) when it comes to love, romance, sex and sexism in the movies of 2011. (Beware: there are some spoilers in the categories below.)
Most Awkward (i.e. Realistic) Sex Scene
Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm in Bridesmaids

Best Depiction of Condom Use During Sex
No Strings Attached

Best Male Full Frontal
Michael Fassbender in Shame

Worst Male Full Frontal
The Hangover Part II

Best Sexual Harassment
Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids

Most Unrealistic Sexual Scenario
Rachel Evan Wood’s happy-go-lucky booty call with one dude while preggers with another married man’s kid

Best Young Love
Like Crazy

Least Sexy Movie About Sex
A tie between Shame and A Dangerous Method, both starring Michael Fassbender (poor guy)

Most Anti-Climactic Sex Scene
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Yawn Part 1

Most Offensive Poster
The Change-Up

Least Deserving R-Rating
Beginners (while two hetero adults kissing is perfectly innocent, two gay adults kissing is apparently risque)

Best Merkin
Evan Rachel Wood in Mildred Pierce

Least Romantic Depiction of Paris Ever
Midnight in Paris

Gratuitous Nudity as “Art”
Melancholia

Best Crossdressing
Albert Knobbs

Worst Crossdressing
Jack and Jill

Best Gay Kiss
J. Edgar

Please-Make-It-Stop Ensemble Cast Rom Com
New Year’s Eve

Best Parody Tagline
The American version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (“All the rape, no subtitles”)

Best Case for Contraception
We Need to Talk About Kevin

and finally

The Austin Powers Strategically Placed Cantaloupe Award
Crazy Stupid Love 

This post originally appeared on EdenFantasy

In honor of Presidents’ Day, we’re letting the legacies of some of the past leaders of the free world help inform your love life this week. And then after this post, we’re giving each other the rest of the federal holiday off — we hope your own bosses are equally kind, generous, and good-looking. See you back here tomorrow, when we’ll resume our regularly scheduled programming.

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Herbert Hoover:If you’re always the prohibitionist in the relationship, you’ll end up about as popular as the 31st president, which is to say, not much.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Abe Lincoln:No, not the vampire hunter, the president. Watch your back this week — someone might come up behind you when you least expect it and break your heart.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
George W. Bush:You may be charming and fun to have a drink with, but you’ve got to be deeper than a kiddie pool and sharper than infant spork if you want to attract a long-term partner.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
James K. Polk: Your manifest destiny approach to dating (the more you expand your romantic reach the better) is very American, just be careful not to spread yourself too thin.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
George Washington: No, that doesn’t mean biting your partner with wooden dentures.  We’re talking about refusing to tell any lies when it comes to your romantic feelings and expectations and activities.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
FDR: You are positioned to make this relationship last, we’re talking a record four terms. Keep up the good work.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Thomas Jefferson: Don’t treat your partner like your love slave, unless it’s part of consensual BDSM roleplaying.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Harry S. Truman: This is not a good week to drop any bombs on your partner.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Warren G. Harding: Cheaters never win, as evidenced by Harding’s common label as “the worst U.S. president ever.” Let that be a lesson to you.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
William Henry Harrison: If you don’t take care of the health of this relationship, it’ll die within a month.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Teddy Roosevelt: You and your loved one need to get off your butts and get outside in the fresh air of the great outdoors, winter be damned. Plan a mini-adventure for a date. Go exploring. A national park, perhaps? You can skip killing big game.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Barack Obama: This week, you will be cool, calm and collected when it comes to romance. Just put on some Al Greene and the rest will fall into place.

We’ve long known that The One Who Got Away makes for great late-night Google fantasies. And that makes sense: you rifle through your memory bank after another bad breakup — or after another inane argument with your spouse — and wonder how life would have been different if you’d stayed with X. Because through your rose-tinted glasses, you forget about how your ex chewed with their mouth open and only remember the grand romantic gestures.

Well, it turns out that women, at least, would turn to an old flame for plain old sex, too. iVillage recently surveyed their married female readers about married sex, and one of the questions they posed was, “If you could have an extra-marital affair with zero chance of your spouse finding out, would you?” (77% said they wouldn’t, 11% said they would, and 13% weren’t sure.) But it was the answers to the follow-up question, “If so, who would it be with?” that really surprised us: more than 40% said they’d choose an old flame. That’s five times more than they’d pick a celebrity, three times more than a complete stranger, six times more than a co-worker, and eight times more than a stranger they see frequently (someone at the gym, coffee shop barista, etc.).

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

• College Candy: The do’s and don’ts of PDA.
• How About We: 5 ways to quickly brush up on the political scene before a date.
• The Frisky: 3 reasons why that infographic marriage proposal is annoying.
• TresSugar: How sexism keeps women out of military combat roles.
• YourTango: How I fell in love on Twitter.
• Eden Fantasys’ Sexis: Singing the praises of chemistry.
• HuffPost/Women: What’s your breakup anthem?
• iVillage: Porn for pregnant women.

Back in December, we wrote about the stock photo cliche of a couple’s bare feet sticking out from under the covers. Those photos are always used to accompany sex stories, and we have no idea why. Who has sex like that?!  We had no idea back then that a whole internet meme was brewing about the ridiculousness of stock photos. First came women laughing alone with salad. Then there were the hilarious (or sexually suggestive, we suppose? if you’re into that kind of thing) women struggling to drink water. And now, from the blog Vagenda (tagline “Like King Lear, but for girls”), there are stock photos of women looking remorseful after sexual encounters.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Every few weeks, Dr. Vanessa Cullins, a board-certified obstetrician/gynecologist and vice president for medical affairs at Planned Parenthood® Federation of America, will be answering your questions on EMandLO.com. To ask her your own question, click here.

Dear Dr. Vanessa,

I have a very embarrassing problem: my vagina is always wet all the time and it affects my sex life to the point where I don’t want to have sex any more. Even my partner has commented on the problem. I had an episiotomy when I gave birth and I’m worried that my vagina muscles have weakened. Am I normal?

– Watership Down

Dear WD,

It is not unusual for the vagina to feel different for a while after giving birth, and some change in vaginal secretions is not unusual either. From what you describe, however, you may be experiencing something a bit uncommon, but it is not possible to diagnose your condition through an online conversation.

It is unlikely that this wetness is related to the episiotomy or childbirth, unless you have suffered a fistula or abnormal connection between your bladder or rectum and your vagina. Excessive wetness is usually the result of a genital infection or some other minor condition. For the correct diagnosis and treatment, it is very important that you talk with and be examined by your gynecologist.

It can be embarrassing to talk with your provider about vaginal issues, particularly if it relates to your sexual function, but don’t let that get in the way of your health or pleasure. Make an appointment for a gynecological visit right away, and be very frank about your experience when you talk with your doctor. Remember, there is usually a simple solution.

Meanwhile, here are best wishes for your good sexual health,

Vanessa
Planned Parenthood

Vanessa Cullins, MD, MPH, MBA, is a board-certified obstetrician/gynecologist and vice president for medical affairs at Planned Parenthood® Federation of America. She generously shares her medical wisdom with EM & LO readers every few weeks.

What’s the one sex toy you’d hate to live without? Your desert island sex toy, if you will. Leave your response in the comments section below (feel free to share your age, gender, relationship status, etc., if it’s relevant to your answer).