• From Eden Fantasys: A fetish wear artisan recycles discarded inner tubes for eco-friendly kink.
• From YourTango: Does sexual anorexia exist?
• From The Frisky: Marina Abramovic’s live nude performances at MoMA.
• From Tomfoolery: 25 really bad excuses to call him.
• From College Candy: A terrible, terrible booty call.
• From Lemondrop: An open letter to Leo’s girlf Bar Refaeli about interfaith relationships.
• From TresSugar: Hollywood’s most underrated hot men.

Have you read the no-holds-barred GQ interview with Rielle Hunter, John Edwards’ mistress during his presidential campaign and father of her only child? It’s required reading. Not necessarily for the intimate behind-the-scene details you learn about Edwards’ relationships, both with Hunter and his wife Elizabeth, but for the voyeuristic door it opens into the mind of someone living on another planet. According to the GQ intro, “There were no conditions, no ground rules, no topics or questions that were off-limits. Just a request that her words be her words, unfiltered and unspun.” So you do feel like you’re getting an accurate picture of Hunter’s psychological perspective, and it is toad-licking crazy. However, she is so dedicated to her world view, so wholly immersed in her brand of crazy, that she actually starts to sound sane at times. It’s such a coup of an interview (it’s Hunter’s first, and she was unpaid for it!), that you can almost forgive GQ — almost — for convincing Hunter to pose in a man’s white button-down on a bed of stuffed animals. Ugh.

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
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I am a single thirty-year-old woman who hasn’t had sex in a year. The problem isn’t that I couldn’t be having sex, I’ve got prospects, the issue is my desire to avoid the same patterns my relationships have followed thus far. I am genuinely sexually adventurous but I have realized in retrospect that I have used sex as a means of power and control and in doing so neglected my own sexual needs in order to please my partner.

I have used this time to improve my self esteem and deal with my abandoment issues and have made many realizations. I have realized that I have made myself a sexual receptacle, more like a toilet than a human, and that it is easier for me to be a “dirty” fantasy fulfiller rather than be vulnerable and connect emotionally. These facts terrify me. Still, I am freakin’ horny! I want to move forward! I want to have sex! I just don’t know how to go about it the right way.

All my relationships have developed sexually before intellectually or emotionally. I don’t know how to do it the other way. I have scoured the internet, the library, and bookstores for some book to help me but it seems like everything I find is either a book of sex tips written for women who have never masturbated and need encouragement to explore their own bodies. I am not afraid of sex, I just want to be able to have a healthy sexual relationship, one with equality. So ladies, any advice or recommended reading?

– Lady in Waiting

Dear L.i.W.,

Wow, you definitely win our golden dildo award for Most Self-Aware Emotionally Mature Advice-Seeker of the Month! Are you sure you don’t have your own personal advice giver on staff full-time? Because what you have accomplished already is beyond impressive — many women make it to 70 without figuring so much about their sexual selves. We’d like to say “you go girl” but we’re afraid that would date us so we’ll have to make do with an all-caps YAY! instead. And if it makes you feel better, we’re pretty sure that the hard part is over already.

Well, sort of. The hard work on yourself is over already; now you’ve just got to convince a good man to see the world — or, at least, the bedroom — the way that you see it. But here’s the good news: Any guy who doesn’t go for your approach to sex would be the wrong guy for you anyway. So even though it may take a bit longer to find a sex partner now that you’ve completed your self-esteem year, at least you know that when you do eventually end up doing it, the chances that the guy is right for you are way higher.

First of all, we recommend not seeking Mr. Right in a bar. Sure, some beautiful marriages have blossomed out of boozy bar hook-ups, but many many many more unsatisfying one-night stands have resulted. May we introduce you, instead, to the date? Tell any good friends whose taste you trust that you are ready to date again, and let them know that you’re looking for a good guy, not a playa. We’re pretty sure that any woman worth her ovaries will know exactly what you’re talking about. With any luck, you’ll get a few blind dates out of this. Of course, they may all be terrible, but this is a numbers game, and you have to kiss (or, rather, not kiss) a bunch of frogs first, as the story goes.

If your friends are all terrible matchmakers, then go online instead. While we don’t recommend actually including the line “no playas, please” in your profile, there are other ways to convey this — as your English teacher told you, show, don’t tell. Describe the kind of guy you’re looking for, describe the kind of relationship and connection you’re looking for. And when you’re checking out guys’ ads, be sure to ignore any profile with the “interested in play” field checked. Duh.

Once you’re on a date, it’s pretty simple: Don’t have sex on the first date! Repeat: Do. Not. Have. Sex. On. The. First. Date. Or the second or third, for that matter. We hate to go all Rules-Girly on you, but if you want a relationship to develop intellectually and emotionally first, then you’ll have to actually spend time together, intellectually and emotionally, first. We don’t mean no body contact — feel free to make out or dry-hump or do whatever you’re comfortable with. But hold off on the actual naked time until you feel an intellectual or emotional connection starting to form. If a guy tries to pressure you, just explain, calmly and matter-of-factly, that you don’t feel comfortable having sex until you’ve got to know him a bit better. This process may take a few weeks or a few months or even longer — it’s completely up to you. If he’s really into you, he’ll stick around (okay, maybe not for nine months, but he’s not going to dump you after a few dates — and if he does, you’ll know he was only in it for the booty anyway).

On a practical note — if you think you’ll be tempted to sleep with a guy sooner, take the necessary precautions. Perhaps it’s setting yourself a two-drink limit on dates, or asking your best friend to text you at 8pm, 10pm, and midnight remind you to keep your chastity belt on. Also, staying out in public (i.e. dinner and a movie theater rather than Netflix and take-out) will help both of you — it’ll help lower his expectations of booty, and will limit your temptation. Of course, you could always blurt out on the second date (not the first!) that you’re not going to put out easily so he shouldn’t go invading your dance space anytime soon. And if you can pull that off with eclat, then come back and tell us because we’ve got another medal for you.

You go girl,

Em & Lo

A new study out from the CDC shows that herpes is twice as common in women than men, and three times as common in blacks than whites. A massive 48% of black women are infected. We called on Dr. Vanessa Cullins, an obstetrician/gynecologist and vice president for medical affairs at Planned Parenthood, to get the story behind these depressing statistics.

Em & Lo: Can you briefly explain the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2, and how they are related to oral vs genital herpes?

Dr. Cullins: Herpes is a very common infection caused by two different but closely related viruses — herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) and herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2). Both are easy to catch. They remain in the body for life, and can produce symptoms that come and go. Both forms of herpes can infect the oral area, the genital area, or both. When the infection is on or near the mouth, it is called oral herpes. Oral herpes is caused most often by HSV-1. When herpes infection is on or near the sex organs, it is called genital herpes. Genital herpes is caused most often by HSV-2.

The study shows that women are nearly twice as likely as men to be infected — why is this?

Herpes infections prefer moist environments and a woman’s sexual organs tend to be more continuously moist than a man’s.

The study also shows that the infection rate is three times higher amongst blacks, with 48% of black women being infected. Why the disparity?

Women of color are disproportionately affected by the current health care system that exists in this country. Women who face multiple barriers to accessing affordable health care, including being uninsured or under-insured, experience higher rates of sexually transmitted infections and other medical conditions.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City and she answers your medical questions here once a week. To ask her your own question, click here.

Dear Dr. Kate,

I had a baby a few months ago — it was via cesarean — and I’ve noticed intercourse is now uncomfortable. I thought since I ended up having a planned cesarean I’d have less sexual problems postpartum, not more! Pre-kid, I never liked having my G-spot focused on, because it felt kind of painful — and this is the sensation I’m getting with just regular intercourse now. Could it be that 10 months of carrying a fetus around pushed my G-spot down a bit so now it’s getting in the way of intercourse? Or could it all be mental and/or hormonal — since I’m breastfeeding and never in the mood for sex and my libido is shot and my natural lubrication is pretty Sarahan…?

– Just Not That Into It

Dear J.N.T.I.I.,

Discomfort during intercourse is never mental – pain is real. Breastfeeding definitely lowers your lubrication levels, so you’ll definitely want to stock up on the lube. And never getting more than a few hours of sleep in a row isn’t helping either. You’ve only got so much energy in the day, and after taking care of your little one and breastfeeding/pumping, it’s no wonder you aren’t aroused by your partner as you were before.

Knowing that most new moms go through this, though, may not make it any more fun. Good sex will take more effort than before, whether it’s getting a babysitter for a few hours and getting out to a hotel if need be to have some alone time, or letting your partner give a bottle of pumped milk at night to let you sleep more. And hang in there, things will improve eventually!

– Dr. Kate
Gynotalk

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.

I make sure to introduce toys early on into a relationship. Basically, if a potential partner isn’t okay with toys then I’m not going to be okay with him. I don’t need toys to have an orgasm, but they can be awfully nice to have around. The orgasms are more intense, the process is more efficient, and when my boyfriend is all tapped out, he can still get me off.

I think the trick to buying your partner a sex toy is making a true present out of it. Definitely go for something in classy packaging — many toy companies now package their toys almost like jewelry. If she already has a couple of toys, get her something nicer than she would buy for herself, like something from JimmyJane or Lelo. If she’s new to sex toys, try one of the quirky vibes from Fun Factory (they really put the “toy” in “sex toy”). Until you know her tastes and preferences, it would be wise to steer clear of realistic — I think many of the beautifully designed non-realistic toys are less intimidating.

– K., commenting on “Wise Guys: What Do Men Think of Sex Toys in Bed?”

A college-student contributor friend of ours, who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

Before my freshman year of high school, I didn’t know much more about sex than the basic mechanics. Insert tab A into slot B and, voila, you have a baby and/or an STD.

This was the biggest lesson I took away from my early sex education: no matter how hard you tried to protect yourself, no matter how many condoms or birth control pills came into play, those would be the only two outcomes. Any sex would lead me to a hospital bed nine months later, baby in my arms, deadbeat teen dad at large, and wishing I hadn’t been such a non-abstinent whore. I was sufficiently scared out of having sex.

These lessons came not from some backwards colony of religious zealots but from a public school education in a moderately liberal suburban town. As it turned out, my real sex education — the one that I carry with me to this day — came from my synagogue.

It was towards the end of ninth grade when my synagogue’s youth group hosted a lock-in for the local Jewish youth community. About 30 teens showed up at the temple that evening, clutching sleeping bags and pillows and chatting idly.

After we’d spent a few hours on icebreakers and a movie, we began an educational program with the imposing title of “Sex in the Torah.” Our temple’s youth director passed out pink sheets of paper filled with passages from the first five books of the Bible describing man-woman (and man-man) relationships. We read them aloud: commandments declaring sex a post-marital activity, barring period sex, making sex the woman’s right in a relationship.

The youth director pointed out to us that, in Hebrew, the root letters for the word for sex between a husband and a wife are the same as those for the verb “to know.” Taking a deep breath, he looked around at the group of high schoolers and told us, “I’m not going to be a hypocrite and say that you should never have premarital sex.” Pause. Awkward giggles. Blushing. And then this:

“Even though the Torah says not to, the lesson to take away from all of this comes from the connection between ‘sex’ and ‘knowing.’ When you have sex with someone, even if you never see them again, you know them. You carry them with you for the rest of your life, and you need to know the consequences. You’re making an adult decision, and while you know that sex brings you incredibly close both physically and emotionally to a person, you also know that you’re halfway responsible for everything that happens afterwards. But also know this. When you’re ready to make that choice, you’ll know. And if you pick the right people for the right reasons, you’re going to create a lot of love and happiness in your life.”

I didn’t lose my virginity until a few years later, but I have carried that lesson with me ever since, and I still recall it every time I have sex. Sure, in part I waited those years because I was terrified of players and herpes. But I also waited because I wanted to have sex with someone I knew on an emotional level, someone I trusted. When my first relationship went sour, I knew that the emotional pain I felt was intensified by the fact that I’d shared something special with him I’d never get to experience again.

I’m no longer terrified that I’ll wake up after sex pregnant and STD-laden — or, at least, I know that there are ways to reduce these risks. But more importantly, I know that sex can and should be an important part of the love-filled world I’m creating for myself. The Torah told me so.

• In sci-fi news, NPR has a fascinating article on gender-bending chickens.
• In holy contraception news, a high school in Rome installs a condom vending machine and the Catholic Church freaks.
• In major buzz-kill news, an ass-backward school district in Mississippi cancels the entire prom to prevent a few same-sex couples from attending.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

We recently published a post on this site called “7 Ways to Seduce a Straight Guy.” And a bunch of you wrote in saying, okay, now tell us how to seduce a woman! So we’re turning this one over to you: Tell us, what’s the best way seduce a woman? FYI, the tips in the aforementioned article mostly assumed that the attraction was already mutual, and that may help to focus your tips, i.e. let’s talk about the best way to seduce a girlfriend or wife, as opposed to some random lady on the dance floor. Share your suggestions in the comments section below!