East West Attraction

Reason #1 Why A Man Should Not Try to Become a Pick-up Artist

2013-02-20T13:27:00.001-08:00

Let’s take a lesson from The Good Book. Shall we?

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?

This quote is taken from Paul’s letter to the new Christian church in Rome, perhaps within a decade or so after Jesus Christ’s crucifixion.

How can doing something wrong help you become good? It can’t.

To think you would be more attractive to good women by becoming a male slut is illogical. Learning better social graces and making the most of your intellect, career opportunities, and upbringing are all good.

Learning how to get a woman in the sack to make you think more of yourself? Well, that’s an error.

Think of what kind of person you become when you adopt the lie that if you do bad you will become good. That’s reason number 1. The kind of person you will become.

Nyet to Russian Brides

2012-03-12T18:05:00.001-07:00

My dear readers, I know many of you are enamored with the beauty of Eastern European women from Russia and the Ukraine. Many of you dream of this blissful fantasy relationship, where an innocent, wide-blue-eyed, dirty blonde with a waifish figure showers you with kisses at the airport and says “dahling, dahling, dahling” as only an Eastern European could. She then comes home with you and has fabulous sex, keeps your house clean and gives birth to two beautiful, smart, well-behaved children, all without a single complaint.

All this for the price of a visa and an airline ticket. What a deal! If only life could be so easy.

Like currency traders who seek to exploit weak currencies abroad, many think that their relative wealth as North Americans gives them greater “buying power” on the market for international women. Some men love Asian women. Others love European women. They prefer anything over the North American woman who has found them wanting or whom they find overly demanding.

The inherent problem with overseas transactions for marriage is the lack of proximity and the lack of ability to learn anything about the background of the person in whom you are interested. In any truly intimate relationship, you cannot and should not just take the other person’s word for who they are and what they stand for.

We know people by the company they keep, in many instances. Without spending large amounts of time with your love interest’s family and associates, you get a very narrow vision of who he or she is. A large part of who we are as individuals involves who we are to those around us. This works both ways. We have seen situations where the foreigner (or syndicate they are involved with) abuses the system, but also where the North American who imports a spouse has misrepresented himself and his means. Thus, these foreign connections are inherently exposed to the potential for exploitation.

Recently, I had heard of a friend of a friend who had spent several months exchanging emotion-laden emails with a Ukrainian woman. He felt sure this beautiful women, 15 years his junior, who appeared to be madly in love with him, was going to be his future wife. From reading some of the emails, it was quite clear that she did not care that he had average looks, a beer belly, a ho-hum job and a prior wife and kids. She was talking of how great is was going to be to meet at the airport for the first time. She went on and on, paragraph after paragraph about how exciting their relationship would be. These two people had never talked on the phone or even Skyped.

Now, before you immediately judge this gentleman to be a “chump”, realize that we can all be vulnerable when it comes to love. A starved dog will eat just about anything. Internet dating fraud is perpetuated by men and women alike. When someone manages to dial into our psyche so perfectly, we can fall for it. The answer is not to become jaded or paranoid, but just to be careful.

Dating is not a sprint. This why I love the idea of courtship. It gives the parties a huge opportunity to get to know each other, their families, their work associates and their friends. It simply cannot be done electronically.

The moral of the story is “date local”, unless you are willing to spend the money and the tons of time learning about the person you are interested in.

What happened with the FoF? (Friend of Friend). I had the opportunity to read some of the flowery emails that were almost perfect in their imperfect English. I selected a couple of oddly phrased sentences from one of the Russian’s emails. I googled those sentences en bloc. Voila!

What turned up is that those exact emails, with only the names changed, had been written to numerous men the world over from all sorts of women with different names. Yes, it was a fraud. It seems these emails were used over and over to feed the egos of North American men. They had been very cleverly written. How or why is unknown. What is known is that this was not a genuine, heartfelt relationship, on one side. The FoF was hurt, but thankful to find out before it had gone further.

As always readers, I’m hoping you find love and happiness!

5 Worst Things to Give for Valentine's Day

2012-02-06T11:48:00.000-08:00

The only exception to anything on this list is if your wife or girlfriend has very specifically told you that this is what she wants for Valentine's Day. Even then, it is sketchy, because sometimes your wife or girlfriend just wants to make it easy for you so that she will not be disappointed with a really lame gift or so that she will not be forgotten. So, she suggests something easy for you to give her. This is kind of a trick that could get you less than favorable results.

5. Sexy Lingerie That Interests You

Face it, guys. Lingerie is a present for you, not for her. It says, this is what I want, to turn me on. It can also be misinterpreted to mean, "Honey, you're just not enough. I need you to wear this costume so I'll want you more".

There is a time and a place for the giving and sharing of lingerie, but I happen to believe V-Day is not the day. I know I'll receive some flack for this, since, for most men, romance = sex. Women view romance a little differently.

Rather than lingerie, for a wife or long-time girlfriend, you want the gift to say, "I adore you, wonderful you. You mean so much to me." For someone you recently started dating, you want the gift to say, "I think you're swell".

4. Costume Jewelry

If you can't afford fine jewelry, meaning made of a precious metal like silver, gold or platinum, with or without gemstones, skip jewelry. The exception to this is if you made this yourself from some objects that you consider to be beautiful. If you have read "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand, you'll understand what I mean when I refer to the chapter called, "The Bracelet".

In this scene Lillian Reardon, wife of dashing industrialist Hank Reardon, throws a huge society party as a wedding anniversary gift for her husband. Hank Reardon has recently invented a new metal, lighter and stronger than steel, that will revolutionalize the world. In front of the whole crowd, he presents his wife with a bracelet that he had forged especially for her out of Reardon metal. She makes fun of it in front of everyone, and puts down her husband for being so obsessed with his own creation.

Main character Dagny Taggart is a guest at the party and watches this. She is wearing a bracelet full of diamonds. She, too, is an industrialist in partnership with Hank Reardon; they plan to build a new railroad through Colorado. Dagny finds the work of Hank Reardon's mind and hands so compellingly winsome that she offers to trade her diamond bracelet for Mrs. Reardon's alloy metal bracelet. That was the beginning of a love affair between Hank Reardon and Dagny Taggart. Mrs. Reardon accepted the trade, but no one present could have missed the symbolism.

3. Loungewear Pajamas

You've seen the ads for Pajamagram or the Snuggie. These are kind of the opposite of sexy lingerie. Unless you are the creator of these cash-generating products, there is nothing personal about them. They are generic gifts, kind of like one-size-fits-all.

You may be thinking that she will think warmly of you for giving her a clothing item that keeps her warm. That's a linear thought, a masculine way of thinking, which is something to be appreciated. However, it misses the mark. How romantic is a blanket or a pair of sweatpants?

Think of it this way. Would you like to be given a tire jack for your birthday? A wrench? Pretty boring. Loungewear pajamas are kind of like being given a tie on Father's Day.

2. Nothing

Wait! Nothing is not number one?! (No. There is actually something worse than nothing.)

Does "nothing" need more explanation?

The only time "nothing" would be appropriate is if you have broken up with the person or do not intend to date the person any longer. To give something would be to lead the woman on, a no-no.

1. The Giant Teddy Bear

This is a tough one for guys because it has a lot of appeal as a gift. You see the advertising on TV and hear it on the radio, and you think that all that advertising means it's the popular thing to give. Plus, you can order it online or through a toll-free telephone number, and there are not a lot of options to the gift.

You can become so tempted to listen to the advertiser say how much your woman will love this gift. Please cover your ears and repeat after me, "I will not buy my girlfriend a teddy bear. My girlfriend is not a child. I will not buy her a stuffed animal".
What this gift says more than anything is "clueless", and "can't be bothered with actually thinking of something I might like". This fabricsewn into the shape of an animal, with plastic eyes and mouth, becomes nothing more than a dust collector. It will certainly end up in the trash or at the Salvation Army store very soon.

Here are a few suggestions:

An experience, an outing, something out of the ordinary, that shows you took the time to plan it. This can include a weekend trip, dinner at a new place, or an afternoon at the amusement park. By the way, it's okay to win her a stuffed animal at the carnival games. That's romantic.
A handwritten card.
A CD mix of songs that make you think of her and/or with her favorite songs on it.
Clothes for her pet. Balloons for her children.
Build a fire. Fires are hypnotic and tend to draw out good conversation.

Feel free to offer any suggestions of your own in the comments section below. Let us know if you have ever given anything that particular bombed or made her very happy. Valentine's Day is 8 days away, but you may be celebrating this weekend.

Wishing you every success,
Hugs and kisses, MsEastWest

The Sexy Mouth: A Big Deal

2011-04-05T16:51:00.000-07:00

Avoid it as we may like, some things that enhance attraction just cost money. If you were not born with a perfect smile, it will cost you to get one. Consider this one of the big ticket items I will recommend to you as dating coach and matchmaker. Depending on where you are in your dental travels, it could cost upward of $25,000.

This is a cultural issue with Asian immigrants. It could also be financial. But we have noticed that in Asian cultures, and British ones even, having crooked teeth is okay. Not discolored, mind you, but crooked. Not so in the U.S. of A.

Crooked is not good. Discolored is worse. Missing, well, missing is almost a party gag. This is not said to make anyone feel bad. However, I must speak truth to dental work. A woman's reaction to a man's bad teeth almost goes beyond the conscious. Bad teeth give a subconscious message of bad health, bad breath and bad breeding.

The ideal are relatively straight, relatively white teeth with no gaps, and no metal showing. Too white makes you look vain and prissy; so do not go too far with bleaching. The perfect smile needs to look like something you were born with. A "perfect" smile can even have some teeth not perfectly aligned, to a very minor degree.

A woman whose interest you are trying to engage needs to be able to imagine kissing your mouth and enjoying it. She wants to imagine getting that feeling of exhilaration of kissing a youthful, happy, clean mouth. That's what a good set of teeth will do for you. And when you know your mouth looks good, you will learn to smile more.

... which leads to my second point S-M-I-L-I-N-G! It is a cliche that the most attractive thing about a person is their smile. However, it is true. With a smile, you communicate satisfaction with self, interest in the other person, and openness to a verbal exchange.

Smiling is a cultural thang also. In America, we smile a lot. Be it cultural or the sign of someone showing insecurity, not smiling, and holding the mouth stiff and the eyes stiff when looking at someone looks hostile, or even stalker-ish. A smile can communicate, "Hey, I'm not a threat, but you interest me."

Next time you are at the dentist, find out whether he or she does cosmetic dentistry. Ask for referrals from friends. Find out what you need in terms of orthodontia. Price it out.

If you make good money, please stop putting this off. I knew one successful anesthesiologist who had a house in the hills and a couple of Lexi, but the teeth were gray and dingy. A turnoff!

If you have some money and a decent job, most dentists and orthodontists will do dental work on payment plans. Maybe you cannot do it all at once, but, over time, you can get some work done.

One of the cheapest things is whitening in a dental office with laser. Doing this too often can weaken and thin your teeth. Do your research on this.

If you are lucky enough to have already gotten braces or were born with a great smile, don't forget to use it. Lady killers usually have a sexy smile and flirtatious eyes. Practice in the mirror.

The Holidays: A Great Time for Singles

2010-11-24T13:55:00.000-08:00

Okay, so the title of the post doesn't exactly ring true for many singles. Here we are alone at Thanksgiving/Chanakuh/Christmas/Kwanzaa/New Years without a significant other in our life. "So what's so 'great' about it?", you ask. Here are just a few sunny thoughts about the holidays.

1. Being Alone Helps You Realize You Are Actually Alone

For much of the rest of the year, you can kind of fake it. You can show up to things alone or you can take an opposite sex friend, or a date if you happen to be seeing someone. You can blow off attending important family and social functions with the excuse of working too hard in the pursuit of the dollar. You can pursue temporary relationships with people who you know are not right for you. All of these stopgap measures or coping mechanisms can make you not feel the fact that you have not found the love of your life. They get you through the weekend.

But work slows down and other types of regular activities slow down around the holidays and actually leave us with some extra time on our hands to comtemplate the solo existence. Other families and couples are getting together, frolicking in the snow, wearing cute Christmas clothes, acting all blissful. It's disgusting! Because other people gather more and are more sentimental about it, it makes our aloneness seem that much more, well, alone! Our feelings go under the magnifying glass; they are more acute than ever.

The good news is that realizing that there is a problem is the first step in getting to the solution. So don't do mind-numbing things to make those feelings go away! Start to work on the solution.

2. Extra Time Means You Can Start Self-Exploration About Who You Want in a Life Partner and How You Are Going to Make That Happen

What better time to stop messing around and get your priorities straight. Some don't really believe in New Years' Resolutions, but, heck, it's a great time to do some soul searching and figure out your non-negotiables. Please, if one of your non-negotiables is that your spouse has to be blonde with blue eyes, dig deeper. Eyesight grows dim with age and hair turns gray. Blonde can be purchased in bottle.

There are at least three ways to make 2011 the year you are with someone wonderful. The first of these is through self-guided goal setting and task planning to make it happen. There are many good books out there on this subject. (Write us for an essay on 5 ways to jumpstart your search for Mr./Mrs. Right).

The second way is with a coach. We hire specialists in all areas of our life. What could be more important than finding our life's companion and being a wonderful companion to him or her? East West Attraction offers coaching in person and via Skype, but not via telephone, and you can pay with PayPal. We simply must communicate face to face. EWA has a program to assist you in developing your list of your future spouse's traits and how to go about meeting and winning that person.

The third way is to outsource your search. Yes! That is what a matchmaker is for. Though you must come up with the attributes of your future spouse, we do the leg work.

3. Lots More Opportunities for Socializing

The other great thing about the holidays is that probably every group, church, office or organization you have been involved with in the last 5 years is having some sort of social event. Go online, research community calendars, read all of the junk mail and email you get from various organizations find out what is going on. So grab your calendar or create a special gmail/google calendar and start popping all of those engagements on there.

Get a couple of fantastic socializing clothing outfits, including shoes and jacket, a good haircut and get out there and meet, greet, and collect phone numbers like crazy. Go either ALONE or with one other person who you will split up with the moment you get there and to whom you will not go during the party if you feel droopy.

When you get the phone numbers of new people, (this is important) DO NOT TEXT or IM THE PEOPLE. Keep the good, personal vibe going by actually calling them and having a real-time communication. Remember how people used to actually talk to each other? You know, talking... like they used to do in the olden days?

If you have 3 events on your calendar in one night, which is not unthinkable since there are only a few weekends in December, go to *all* of them. Make it a point to meet say 10 people at each event. Not only are you looking for available people to date, but you also looking for social people who could possibly introduce you to your future mate. The more social the person is, the better! Get on the party lists.

Crashing parties at hotel convention/meeting rooms can be possible too! (Oops, we did not say that!)

4. Other Singles Are Feeling the Solo Vibe Also

If you feel lonely, realize other singles feel their solo existence more acutely also! Maybe they are more inclined to give someone a chance than they would have had during other times of the year.

Pretend to be a friendly outgoing person when you go out. Fake it 'til you make it!

And, we know from the research of David McCandless that there are a lot of breakups between Thanksgiving and New Years. Someone may be a newly minted single. Maybe they are not ready for a full-blown relationship but they might be ready for a new FOI (friend of interest).

Love and Thanks from MsEast West at East West Attraction!

Episode 1 | Dating Tips: Crushes & the Power of Practice Dating

2010-10-28T13:03:00.000-07:00

Why wait until after you develop a mad crush to start developing your dating skills? The young and inexperienced at dating can benefit from practice dating. The most winsome women expect to be treated well. Watch it in HD.

Please add comments below. Thank you.

How Dating is Like Indian Wrestling, or Increased Attraction for the Happy Asian Man

2010-10-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

"Indian Wrestling"

There's a game my father and my older male cousin used to play when my cousin was a young man in his twenties. Maybe you've played it. Each man would stand with the outside of his right foot touching the outside of the right foot of the other. They stood with their legs apart, side by side, but facing opposite directions. They grasped each others' right hand. When the timer started, each would try to get the other off balance. The first one to break his stance and falter was the loser. The one who was able to stand his ground without moving his feet was the winner.

This message is for the young or inexperienced man or the young and inexperienced man who is setting out to date and woo a woman. This is not for the jaded types who have had many women and are looking to score with the next woman. For the young/inexperienced, feelings are extremely strong. You can feel like you are in love before you even talk to the girl. (I've heard it can be like that for some of the old dudes too!) You might feel like a puddle of feelings.

But with your contact with the woman you need to make your message about strength, confidence and happiness. Not about dependence on her reaction. You can have a glimmer in your eye that shows you are attracted to her, an upturned smirk, a knowing glance, a light touch to the elbow, a lengthened eye contact, just slightly. But not a sad face if she does not react positively immediately. Not a dropped headed. No slumping shoulders!

A woman does not want to feel that her reaction to you makes or breaks your life or your mood.

We as women don't want to feel you will come unglued if we reject you, if we flirt in a negative teasing kind of way.

Can you handle me?

Can you handle me being desired by other men?

Can you handle it when I'm an airhead?

Can you handle it when I feel bloated?

Can you handle it when I feel weak?

Can you handle it when I feel hot and the center of attention, as I can do no wrong?

A woman wants to know these things about a man before she can trust him.

What we need more than anything is to respect you, with earned respect. Not because you demanded it in anger or went into a rage. Not because you're a wuss that whined about it and got your precious feelings hurt.

The feminine woman wants to be the female in the relationship, the one with all the exposed feelings that fluctuate frequently. Don't let her break you down into the being the woman. Don't let her get you off balance, meaning don't lean her way but don't overreact the opposite way, in defeat, anger or depression.

Happiness = independence.

Happiness makes you look independent and confident -- strong, ready and open. This is very appealing!

What can you do to be more balanced in your interactions with women?

Is Money the Most Attractive Quality in a Man? Guess.

2010-10-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

What do you think the most attractive quality in a man is?

Money
Good job
Height over 5'10"
Good head of hair
Sense of humor
High IQ
None of the above.

It is your matchmaker's belief that it is "7. None of the above". MsEastWest believes the most attractive man is the happy man. Happiness is attractive to almost everyone, male or female.

What is happiness? What does it mean to be happy? According to an online dictionary, "happy" means:

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.

2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.

Happiness is defined as,

1. the quality or state of being happy.

2. good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy."

A guy can be tall, with a good head of hair, a professional with a good IQ, having all the material accouterments but still be unattractive. If he sneers, feels contempt for others, hates his work, loathes his clients, dislikes women, uses women, sees the world as half-empty, lacks courtesy, is a pessimist, feels downtrodden, feels entitled, complains about his upbringing, his station in life or his family, is lazy, is selfish, is stingy, has a filthy mouth, a filthy car, a filthy home or a filthy computer, he can be one of the most unattractive men you have ever met.

In your matchmaker's view, these are all indicators of an unhappy person. Living with an unhappy person can make life a living hell. Most people, including single ladies out there, know this. Happiness is hard to fake. Life is not perfect for anyone. We all have to learn how to deal with setbacks, deaths, rejection, isolation and loneliness. Some turn to religion to resolve this with success. Others to psychotherapy. And yet others through drugs, alcohol, mindless s_x, p_rn, and other bad behavior.

Are you finding rejection in the dating market because you are unhappy? You haven't found the road to contentment and joy? Your matchmaker provides date coaching and acts, in some ways, as a sister through the dating process. But this is no substitute for the hard inner work of finding happiness. It's also been referred to as "The Road Less Traveled".

Before you jump into the dating market, you are encourage to find that happiness through your religion or other avenues. Note: your matchmaker does not say "seek happiness", for that is elusive. But having attained joy and contentment, it can be safely said that the quality and number of women who find you attractive is greatly increased.

Have a different opinion? Please comment below.

Sound Hot: 7 More Ways for the Asian-American Male to Sound Virile - Pitch and Volume

2010-09-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

In our last two messages about the sound of one's voice making an impression for better or worse, we talked about how the voice of an Asian-American Man (AAM) can work for or against him. Three aspects of voice are accent, pitch and volume.

The first step in overcoming these issues is to get an assessment. We discussed several ways to get such an assessment, including the East West Attraction free 10-minute Voice Virility Assessment© in September of 2010. Click here to make your no-cost phone appointment. (Simply select an open appointment and you will be given instructions from there. Go here to see our privacy policy). The East West Attraction assessment focuses on accent, pitch and volume from the point of view of male-to-female romantic interactions.

Step two is/was to get help with your issues. Our last post mentioned a couple of those. Here are some more ways to get help with voice issues.

Work With Others Who Have the Same Goal (Self-Help)

The awesome thing about this option is that you have the possibility of meeting some single women while improving your communication skills. Investigate these and then pick one avenue and focus on it.

Toastmasters

Toastmasters has been helping Americans and others across the globe improve their communication skills for years. This volunteer organization charges dues that average only $30 to $50 per year, according to Suzanne Frey of the national headquarters. You cannot beat that! Members help each other by giving speeches to the other members. There are many groups in each city, often meeting near your home or office. The size of each group varies. They can have from 10 to 30 members, or more. Each time you give a speech, the others give you limited feedback focusing on specific communication goals. You help others and they help you. The more involved you become in giving speeches, the faster you will grow.

Asian Guy depicted in Toastmasters screenshot

Toastmasters has a proven system. Each member develops specific personal goals. Be open with the other members and let them know you value feedback. This program will help the most with volume and pitch, as well as with your personal demeanor and presentation. Your confidence with others will soar. Once you are comfortable speaking to a group, then approaching just one woman becomes low pressure. Single women go to Toastmasters also! Few careers would not benefit from improved communications skills.

A note about Toastmasters: Each group is different. Visit at least 3 groups before selecting one to get a feel for the mood of the group. It is important that you feel comfortable with the group. One tip: Once you start Toastmasters, start doing speeches right away. The longer you wait, the harder it will become to work up your courage. Dive in head first.

        Other Community Groups

In addition to Toastmasters, other groups focusing on communications and leadership skills can be found on meetup.com. This site says it has 307 public speaking groups worldwide. Some of these could be Toastmasters groups and others having a leadership bent.

        Professional Speech/Communications Coach

Examples of such coaches in the San Francisco Bay area are Angelika Blendstrup, Ph.D (Silicon Valley), Susan Berkley and Susan Roane. If any of the readers know communications coaches in other areas, feel free to comment on this post and help with recommendations.

        Mutual Improvement Buddy

Another way is to find a new friend and work with him or her. Post an ad on craigslist in the Activities section under “Community” for your town. Describe who you are and what you want to focus on. If you do not find someone right away, keep putting up your ad. Someone will respond. You must stay on target though. Get agreement that the person will give you feedback on whatever problem that you are working on. Be a good partner and make sure that an equal amount of time is spent on you and on the other person. This works well for accent reduction and language skills.

Maybe you could even suggest practicing at the beach, after you get to know her well guys.

Scene from "Mao's Last Dancer" movie

Acting Coach and/or Acting Class

Acting coaches teach people how to walk and talk to project a certain image, whether it is that of a confident person, a sad person or a happy person. They can teach you how to act differently. Your volume and pitch can be assessed by an acting coach. Do some research and talk to several people. Tell them you want to present a better impression in social situations, not necessarily get a role in a movie. Classes have the added benefit of providing a social outlet. Who knows? Maybe you'll ask the pixie senorita to practice lines with you. Ask for her help.

Aspirational Models

Do you have a video camera? Do you have a television or DVD player? Watch and learn. Learn from good actors, not just the pretty boys. Tape yourself and then review the tape.

The Cat Studio, Penang

Hire East West Attraction as Your Matchmaker and Get Trained

East West Attraction will provide image coaching for clients as an added service in addition to date coaching. Although we would not be able to help in English pronunciation, we can help with pitch and volume, among many other things, including body language. Email us for a quote.

Step Three: Get Out There and Practice Talking to Women and Asking them Out!:

While you are learning to improve your voice, keep going out and trying to meet women. Don't stop doing this! Practice makes perfect. Use it as an excuse to meet women. "I'd love it if you would help me improve my accent, or my English. I could teach you some Japanese/Korean/Chinese things if you'd like". Or, "I'm having trouble with my "r's" and my "l's", could you help me out? I'd be happy to treat you to lunch or a latte when you have some free time." Meet in a public place.

To wrap up, there can be three areas to work on to project a strong, masculine voice: accent, pitch and volume. Each of these needs to be strong. These are areas, where, with a little work, you can sound masculine and confident to the American woman. As you improve, keep evaluating how you are doing.

What do you think? Do you have any suggestions to offer based on personal experience of improving in these voice areas? Please post here and let us know.

~ o ~

As a benefit to our single readers, East West Attraction's matchmaker, Alicia Ballard, is performing a no-cost 10 minute voice assessment in September 2010. The reader can make his no-cost phone appointment and get the code through this website. There is no need to email us or call by phone. The East West Attraction assessment will focus on accent, pitch and volume from the point of view of male-to-female romantic interactions.

Schedule the no-cost Voice Virility Assessment©

If the readers have more questions about this topic, please comment below or send an email.

Sound Hot: 4 Ways for the Asian-American Man to Sound Virile - Accent Reduction

2010-09-01T14:59:00.000-07:00

In our last message about the sound of one's voice making an impression for better or worse, we talked about three different ways that the voice of an Asian-American Man (AAM) can work for or against him. Three aspects of voice are accent, pitch and volume. To make a good first impression on a woman, business contact or new neighbor, one wants to present himself as strongly and confidently as possible in each of these three areas.

Step One: Get an Assessment

Is your voice an issue? The first step is to get an assessment. The difficulty lies in making an objective evaluation of our own voice. We literally cannot hear ourselves clearly. As a benefit to our single readers, East West Attraction is doing a free 10-minute Voice Virility Assessment© in September of 2010. Click here to make your no-cost phone appointment and get the code. The East West Attraction assessment will focus on accent, pitch and volume from the point of view of male-to-female romantic interactions.

Readers who do not wish to take advantage of this opportunity (or for those outside the U.S. and Canada) can start by asking a trusted friend. Make sure you ask open-ended questions while your friend gives you an assessment. Ask what you are good at and what needs improvement. Give them permission to be honest. But still, sometimes friends have a hard time being objective and they also do not want to hurt your feelings. They may be less than honest.

If neither of the options interests you, and you feel you may have a problem, you can ask for feedback as you proceed through the next steps.

Step Two: Get Help with Your Issues

1. Get Accent Reduction Training Online, With Books & Tapes, or In Person

If you are able to read this blog, then your language skills are probably alright. You might need to tweak some accent imperfections. Before we do that, let's ask whether it is even political correct to talk about accent.

The goal here is to assist the AAM in meeting, attracting, courting, falling in love with and marrying an American woman, whether she is a white female (Caucasian), Latina (Hispanic) or black (African-American). To do so, the Asian-American Man (AAM) needs to be attractive to her. Do you want your differences or your similarities to be the first thing she notices about you? Best answer: Similarities.

If the first thing a woman notices is that you sound different and unfamiliar, i.e. "foreign", then the differences are the first impression. Since the average reader of this blog is not a “Bruce Lee" or "Ken Watanabe" type, accent is relevant. The AAM does not want the adorable brunette in the dairy aisle of the supermarket to wonder whether a lifetime with him will be spent trying to understand what he is saying.

Language professionals teach accent reduction both online and in person. One example of online accent reduction is Accent Master Lynn. Her website and YouTube videos describe and show her work. She has a number of followers. For Silicon Valley readers, check out Angelika Blendstrup, PhD.

Many language schools offer accent reduction classes. Google or look through this directory to find one that specifically focuses on accent reduction in your area. Accent is one of those things that professionals are really the most able to help with, unlike some of the other voice issues. They understand linguistics and have the proper tools to use with English learners -- better than someone in the general population would have.

Amazon sells a number of books on the topic. These are listed here as a courtesy for the readers. These are a low-cost option but are also not very fun. Who wants to sit at home after working a hard day and read about accents? Mastering the American Accent with Audio CDs, American Accent Training: Grammar with Audio CDs, and Lose Your Accent in 28 Days (CD-ROM for Windows, Audio CD, and Workbook).

So that is four ways you can work on accent: online, with a coach, at a language school, and on your own with books and CDs. In the next post, we will discuss in more detail how to address issues of pitch and volume as well as personal speaking presentation.

To wrap up, there can be three areas to work on to project a strong, masculine voice: accent, pitch and volume. Each of these characteristics needs to be strong. With some time and effort, you can sound masculine and confident to the ear of an American woman. As you improve, keep evaluating how you are doing. And, keep getting out there looking and chatting up the ladies as you practice your new skills.

As a benefit to our single readers, East West Attraction's matchmaker, Alicia Ballard, is performing a no-cost 10 minute voice assessment in September 2010. The reader can make his no-cost phone appointment and get the code through this website. There is no need to email us or call by phone. The East West Attraction assessment will focus on accent, pitch and volume from the point of view of male-to-female romantic interactions.

If the readers have more questions about this topic, please comment below or send an email.

First Impressions: "Do I Sound Okay?"

2010-07-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

Your hair is perfect. You have on a fashion-forward shirt and Armani slacks, some great shoes, and you have worked hard to give those pecs true definition. You walk in with ease and have good posture. You make eye contact with a sweet looking girl. She returns your smile. You approach. So far, so good.

Your forward momentum can all come to a screeching halt when you open your mouth. The sound of your voice can be your downfall with a woman you would like to get to know better. In your matchmaker's experience, the Asian-American man ("AAM") has three potential problems with the sound of his voice.

1. Accent

This one is obvious. If you were not raised from birth in the U.S., chances are, you have an accent. If people ask you to repeat yourself a lot, chances are really good that your accent is heavy. Americans uniformly love all of the British accents, e.g. English, Scottish and Irish. (A plus for Indian guys who can mock a good English accent). We also tend to love French, German and Scandinavian accents. A good share of us like a Jamaican and an Australian accent.

But Asian accents in men are not revered by red-blooded American women. At EWA we are not out to change the world; we just want to make your time in it filled with joy. So, when faced with adversity, those of of us who are strong, make changes.

A note to native American English speakers: Even though you were raised in the U.S. and went to American schools you still may speak with an accent. We tend to absorb the accents of those around us. AAMs can have the accent of their family.

2. Pitch or Tone

This is not a speech pathology lesson. So technically, "pitch" and "tone" are probably two different things. (Hopefully someone in that field will comment below).


Photo from the Missourian, Oct. 12, 2009 (1)

To the ears of an American woman, AAM native speakers of Chinese, Vietnamese and other Southeast Asian languages can have a high-pitched voice*. In American culture, only women and drag queens are supposed to have high-pitched voices. When the AAM speaks those Asian languages, one can hear the high pitches and sounds which are perfectly normal and appropriate in those languages. But the heterosexual AAM male looking to mate with an American female will learn to bring the pitch down at least a couple of octaves.

*This has been observed less in native Japanese, Filipino, Korean and Indian speakers.

3. Volume

Please, please, please, when you approach a woman in a crowded, noisy place, do not lower your voice. You want those first few words out of your mouth to be audible. Err on the side of being too loud if you know you have a problem with this. If you are a small guy, you will really need to work on this. You want your voice to carry, be full and speak with authority.

What you are trying to convey with your volume is that 1) what you have to say is worthy of being heard as demonstrated by the many people in the past who have wanted to hear what you have to say; 2) you mean what you say; and 3) you are not afraid of making a mistake with the content of your part of the dialogue.

Okay, so the matchmaker has written some things you may not want to read. You may be wondering whether you have a problem in any of these three areas: accent, pitch and volume. The first step is to get an assessment. Then you can work to improve in weak areas.

Later this week, another post will talk about assessment and solutions. If these are your only problems, count yourself lucky. All of these are problems with solutions. Millions and millions of people have overcome these hurdles and you can too.

(1) Photo from the Missourian, Oct. 12, 2009, Accent Modification Program helps students with speaking skills, discussing the University of Missouri's Accent Modification Program

Best Man's Homage to His Asian Brother's Marriage to Caucasian Woman

2010-07-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

This video was added today to show the sheer joy and happiness of the wedded couple and the families. (These are not my clients). The best man is a one-man stand up routine. Best wishes for many years to come!

What do you think of the video?

Asian-American Men By the Numbers - Do They Measure Up?

2010-07-16T16:19:00.000-07:00

(Photo attributed to aznlover.com.)

Frequently heard and read in the U.S. are racial slurs about Asian men being small men, in stature. Also, they are referred to as having small packages. So the reasoning would go, "why would a Caucasian, Hispanic or African-American woman be interested in an Asian guy?" This idea is constantly repeated. Just do a Twitter search for "asian guy" and, in addition to some tweets not suitable for children, you will see a steady stream of references to the size of Asian men. But here is a number worth remembering: 41.

With such negativity, one would think that no one would be interested in marrying an Asian man at all. The numbers simply do not bear that out, though. Women vote with their feet, or rather their garter belt. At least since the 1970's, American-born Asian men have married outside of their race over forty percent of the time.

The Pew Research Center's recent report "Marrying Out" confirms that American-born Asian men married outside the Asian race 41.7% of the time in 2008. Forty-one is a nice number -- one worth remembering when one hears Asian men being metaphorically reduced to the (alleged) size of their anatomical parts. The Pew report is based on actual microdata of marriages occurring in the U.S. in 2008.

Now, the percentage of such marriages is actually down since 1975 when it was 44.3%. However, since the total number of American-born Asian males has increased exponentially since 1975, the actual number of American-born Asian males marrying outside their race has also grown exponentially.

(Graph extracted from Pew Report, "Marrying Out", Appendix III, page 6)

It is obvious that Asian-American men are finding love with women outside their race. It is a matter of personal preference for those couples. It is clearly not a choice that the majority of Americans make, but a sizable minority do make that choice. At East West Attraction, it is our goal to facilitate those matches for our clients and members.

So, the question is, do non-Asian women buy into the racial slur? In answer, we say "41".

How did you become a matchmaker and why do you charge for your service?

2010-07-09T15:11:00.000-07:00

How did you become a matchmaker?

The simple answer is: it just came naturally. For over 16 years, I have been facilitating women and men through the stages of attraction through commitment. I see when things are a mismatch and when they are a match. I see when one person is not being genuine and the other is, and the woman is not always the “genuine” one and the man the “not genuine” one. As Paula Abdul wrote in the 1992 hit Straight Up, “the word and the deed go hand in hand”. So, in essence, I am a relationship analyst. I have analyzed and advised on hundreds of dating scenarios online since 2000. The blog website was started in June of 2010.

Why do you charge for your service now if it is something you have been doing for free in the past?

Matchmaking as a business is monetizing what I already do. In a perfect world, finding the perfect mate should not cost money! Doesn’t the Declaration of Independence say it is self-evident that “all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness?” It does and we do have the right. But searching for a mate does cost money.

Guys already know how many dollars they spend on buying drinks for random women just to get the opportunity to have a conversation, as well as the price of dinners and events. If it were not to impress women, many guys would own a more modest vehicle, with cheaper registration fees and insurance. It adds up!

Girls, equally, spend a lot on attracting guys. Haircuts, color, manicures, pedicures, jackets, skirts, sexy tops, shooz (flats, mid-level, platforms – all heights needed depending on the type of date and the height of the guy), and admission fees to places where girls think single men might be hanging out blow the entertainment budget easily.

Unless you are one of those people who married your high school sweetheart, romance is usually not free. It feels like such a waste when you spend cash to meet or date that quality person and the relationship goes nowhere. (I have been there. I know.)

A matchmaker and dating coach can save some time and assist in ending relationships that are not going anywhere. But, there are numerous reasons why I charge money for the matchmaking service.

First, it takes time. Making and maintaining contact with all of the people required to provide matches is a time-consuming daily activity. Second, it takes money to do this. I pay, like everyone else, to belong to clubs, go to meetings, and attend social functions in order to enhance the social network needed to supply quality matches. Phones, website, office, assistance, etc. are all regular business expenses incurred. I also support the economy by paying taxes. Third, the service is valuable, in my view, but my clients must be the judge. And, finally, I am not independently wealthy. By charging for this service, East West Attraction is available to devote detailed attention to clients. This is my work and I love it!

CALIFORNIA: Summer Kick Off Mixer, Late July, Sacramento

2010-06-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

A mixer with folks preferably in late 30's to early 50's. Professional singles of any race or culture will be attending this event. The goal is to meet new people and enjoy a nice Summer evening (in the shade).

This will be a mixer by invitation only for dating and social purposes. Please, no married folks! East West Attraction, the sponsor of this event, does specialize in American Asian to Non-Asian matching. So this event would be described as "Asian-friendly".

The date of the mixer has been postponed until late July and will occur at an upscale Italian restaurant patio in East Sacramento, California. There will be a minor charge to help defray expenses ($15 in advance or $20 cash only at the door).

Please send an email to tickets@eastwestattraction.com if you would like to be invited to this. The email should specify your age, sex and what type of people or person you would like to meet. Every attempt will made to have an equal number of women and men.

EWA has a "no spam" policy. We don't sell your info, give it away or expose you to the seamy side of the internet. Your inquiry will be treated as confidential.