Eating Disorders Affect Men Too Yah Know!!

Random Rant !!!

2012-03-10T20:06:00.000-08:00

I find it hilarious how complete strangers! will gladly point out the scars on my arm , and announce to the Gods, " YOU USE TO CUT YOURSELF HUH?"

But when I mention to them out loud, " THE REVOLTING SIGHT OF YOUR MOTHER CAN ONLY LOVE FACE IS WHAT MADE ME CUT MYSELF"!!!,

I turn into the bad guy....

I dont get it....

Note To Kirk Cameron

2012-03-04T15:27:00.004-08:00

Hey Kirk Cameron

I used to fantasize and dream about you and I touching each others growing pains. How does it feel to have a Faggot dream about your Born Again Christian Penis? Though I may have been disappointed, your penis is probably the size of your brain as well as your lifeless career combined.

I cant blame you though, I know you needed to do something to let American know you weren't dead!

Take it up the ass....

At Least DJ got a made for TV movie on ABC Family!
(which is the gayest thing an actor can do)

Haterville!!! (Quote Of The Week) - Kirk Cameron

2012-03-04T15:17:00.001-08:00

"I think that it's unnatural (homosexuality). I think that it's detrimental, and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization."

Macho Macho MAAAAAAAAAN!

from the guy who's sister was on Full House

~ Kirk Cameron ~

Fighting Off The Demons....

2012-02-27T09:22:00.003-08:00

I wish I could start off this entry by saying, " today was a great session with my therapist, On my way to my group therapy, getting ready for physical therapy, on my way to pick up my life time supply of Xanax!" Unfortunately I'm starting off this entry before I get ready for work!, work being, the place , the catalyst of my many problems, the big reason why I had to seek medical attention.

It was such a tough decision to force myself back to work, even my therapist gave me a call, and wasnt to sure of my decision, and in a dream world, I would have loved to have taken another month or two to focus on my well being, without the influences of a negative job in the way, but when insurance, seniority, and scheduling conflicts get in the way, sometimes you are forced to make decisions that feel completely wrong.

At first I felt I would be a complete mess! But when I returned last week, my nervousness and fears were immediately overshadowed by warm smiles, and hugs which admittedly did feel great and comforting, and the fact that they were catering free food kinda helped as well. I could have done without that tooth infection though, which caused my left jaw to look as if it was dislocated, but that story will come later this week. The long week back to work was def rewarded by a relaxing weekend. And what happens when you look forward to the weekend? you blow your nose, and its Monday morning!

I awoke today, and felt completely saddened, and unnerved. The past few months I had off work seemed completely deleted , and now I'm back to the person who hated waking up in the morning. I feel nervous, scared, terrified, alone, and lost. The sounds of the helicopters from last nights festivities of the Oscars just make it worse. While the stars of the night are arriving to their warm beds after the lavish after party's , waking up to their beautiful families, and getting ready preparing their scripts, the life I've always dreamed of is washed away by the harsh realities of my life. And it fucking sucks!!!

Sometimes you cant help but feel as if you are being punished, people may wonder why I'm not looking for another job , something with less stress , something that will make me happy. Believe me I've been looking, but it can be a little tough when you live in a city based on looks, if you speak more then one language, age, ethnicity, gender, and if you have a BA degree.
Finding a full time job, with benefits, decent pay, and room for growth when you only speak English can be tough...might I add, I do live in California...enough said.

I wont lie, I have been feeling like I made the wrong decision to return to work, people always tell me health comes first, well when you are paying your own bills, sometimes health comes second. I want to be strong, and happy, this feeling is just about as worse as any physical pain, and I feel as if I could break again, which is even more terrifying. I feel no one understands me, I feel at times people don't want to understand me, I at times feel like people think I'm over dramatizing this, or being to weak.... And I am weak, I just want to be okay....

Anyways, time to face my demons, hopefully God will have a great reward for me after I'm done fighting this battle.

Xoxo Angelo Henderson

WTF Moment!!!

2012-02-25T09:11:00.001-08:00

Okay so last night I had a dream that my partner and I were in North Hollywood Apt hunting, and after finding an apt, we went to celebrate at a local sushi restaurant .

Then all of a sudden I started flashing at the female owner of the restaurant for no reason and was chasing her around with a butcher knife screaming at her that I wanted more Spicy Tuna Roll...

Which turned out to be a really bad mistake being that we found out she was our new Apt manager. So to make it up to her, my anti Vagina penis was forced to sleep with her.

WTF WAS THAT????

Angelo's Book Club ~ Taylor Armstrong " hiding from reality"

2012-02-15T00:40:00.000-08:00

So as I stated before I def wanted to do more with my blog and share with you all little things that get me through the day, things that catch my attention from Poems, movies, others stories, etc, and one thing I realized I have not done yet was share with you some of the books that keep me inspired, Honestly that was because my music loving, Movie loving, texting loving, Android app loving, reality TV indulged ass wasn't reading any books.

Growing up I was wrapped into books non stop.... remember those R.L Stine books? I think they were called fear street and Goosebumps, well I think I had the whole damn collection. But I was also reading books at a very young age that were given to college students... Reading was def apart of me, but unfortunately with the addiction of gossip mags, my reading days were over. That was until Taylor Armstrong graced my TV presence.

As many know Taylor is more known for starring on the hit show Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, where her infamous scene with cotton candy made TV goers want more. The first season did show there were some difficulties in her relationship, but we all didn't know the details when the cameras were off. And what seemed to be like a normal struggling relationship, was really a struggle for Taylor to stay alive, in which she was abused on more then one occasion by her husband at the time, who unfortunately had committed suicide a little after they had separated.

I don't want to go into the details of the show, we all know what had happened, and most of my readers are Real housewives watchers so I'm going to spare the rehashing of her horrific nightmare. What I really would like to do is celebrate her life, and her new project , which is her Best selling book entitled " Hiding From Reality.

Now this rarely happens, but once I read the book, I found it completely hard to put it down. Most books at times feel too edited, and not authentic enough, but from the first paragraph, It felt as if I was sitting in a room, and Taylor herself was sharing these moments with me. I always felt a connection with Taylor and her story, but never understood why, until I read the first chapter, " Unworthy Of Love" which she shares stories from childhood, to her teen tears, too her college years, and as a young adult. When reading I was so shocked because there were so many similarities to myself that I saw, from having the feeling of being insecure, feeling alone, but also afraid to be alone, and scared to have a voice.

Some parts that really touched me was when she described her relationships from men who took advantage of her, being so vulnerable, to feeling completely dependant on another male. The way she described her break up with her first love gave me chills, and much sadness being that I too fell deeply in love with someone, and when that relationship ended, I felt completely lost and unstable. I also became weak, and pleaded for these guys to not leave me, and I let them make me feel not worthy , and unattractive, which made it hard to trust the good guys, which caused many failed relationships with some really nice men because I myself didn't feel worthy, and I felt they would eventually hurt me like everyone else..

If the book wasn't anymore similar to myself, she does also speak briefly about her bad eating habits when she was a competitive cheerleader, and how they would have constant weigh ins. She expressed how she went from eating cereal that had all the milk squeezed out, from just eating a packet of crackers, to barely nothing at all. She made a very important fact that it wasn't just about control, but also about the fear of being alone, and the worry of not being physically attractive. By the end of the chapter I did everything in my power to hold back the tears being that my BF was around, and I don't like to show emotion. But the tears weren't really of sadness, it was tears of relief maybe, and happiness. Happiness knowing that there are others that had gone through the same feelings that I suffered as a child, as a teenager, and as an adult.... I can only imagine how I will be when I finish the whole book....

When hearing that she was writing a book, I know she was getting a lot of hate from people saying that it was to soon being that her Husband had recently passed... I of course knew and understand the reason of her doing a book so quickly, which is to spread the word of Abuse, which is something that is rapidly growing, and something that is swept under the rug too often. Many many females and Males are abused, and are afraid to seek the help they need, many have it in their minds that the lives they are living are normal, many sometimes are too late to get help, many have children, and the memories can haunt them forever. I myself have been in abusive situations, some physically, a lot mentally, My Mother was also in a abusive relationship, and there were many moments that I witnessed the violence, but was too afraid to do anything. And now as an adult, I am at times still haunted by the screams, the holes in the walls, the nightmares, the nervousness, my Mothers cries, and just the feeling of not knowing what would happen next... My mom was one of the lucky ones and had the strength to leave that bad era. But so many don't, and it can end very tragically.

I commend Taylor's strength, and her honesty, I'm not going to feed into the negative reviews, or what others have to say, because I in my heart, feel she is doing the right thing, you cant make this stuff up, the proof is there, the sadness is there, the pain is there, and unless you are in our shoes, please, please do not JUDGE!

Wow I didn't know I was going to type this much, but Taylor def put me in a good mood, and I felt encouraged. Another reason why I did this for my blog, was that I wouldn't be able to attend her book signing in Los Angeles, which I'm completely heart broken over, because I wanted to tell her in person how much I love and appreciate her.... as Wendy Williams does, I call Taylor my head friend, ( where you have friends you haven't met yet).. Many don't know, she is a big reason why my blog is so successful. Anytime I ask her if she could spread my blog to her followers on Twitter, she doesn't think twice to do so. She has helped me spread the word on Eating Disorder's, and Gay Bullying, and I will forever be grateful... and I will always have her back. Much love to you Taylor , and cheers to your strength....

OKAY OKAY I'm leaving this time, but def check this book out.... its available everywhere, I got mine at Target cause my ass cant afford a damn kindle, or IPAD...lol..

I love the smell of books anyways.

More info found here : http://taylorarmstrong.com/

Happy Venereal Day!!!!

2012-02-14T20:49:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to wish all of my readers and friends a special Valentines Day!

I have never been a fan of this day, my friend and I used to refer it as VALENDOOMS Day, but of course it was only because the only lovers we had were ourselves.

But that's okay! Don't feel bad if you don't have that significant other to spend this day with, its really just another day, with a little extra bit of love... And you don't need a lover to enjoy the day, you just need LOVE!

And you all def have love from me!!

( What more could you ask for? LOL)

totally kidding....kinda

Random Rant !!!

2012-02-12T17:25:00.003-08:00

If People keep asking me, " Angelo, when did you first discover you were A gay?"

I'm just gonna start telling people "it was right after I watched " Beaches"

"oh shit!"

Can you imagine the look from strait people who watched that movie?

I Look To You Whitney!

2012-02-12T12:08:00.001-08:00

This is for you Whitney!

The words to this so are so beautiful.

May you rest in peace and dance with the Angels above

YOU ARE MY QUEEN OF EVERY NIGHT!

Whitney Houston ~ August 9, 1963 – February 11, 2012

2012-02-11T17:52:00.000-08:00

I am completely devastated and saddened to report the sad news that one of the biggest legends and inspirations Whitney Houston has passed away.

August 9, 1963 ~ February 11, 2012

Whitney was my Michael Jackson, and the soundtrack to my life, I am completely in shock and in a loss for words, this is such a terrible loss, but a huge gain for the clouds above, which will give her the strength to watch over her friends, family, and the many lives and hearts she has touched.

Though we usually take these situations in grief, and drown ourselves in sad love songs, I know Whitney would want different. So I'm going to post one of my all time favorite songs, which always lifted my spirits when life was just a little too tough. I love you so much Whitney, may you rejoice and dance with the Angels above.

Quote Of The Week !

2012-02-07T17:11:00.000-08:00

Sooo happy Prop 8 ruled unconstitutional! This is a GREAT day for Republicans -- to suck my big black dick!

~ LisaLampanelli ~

Call Me A Faggot...Can I Call You A Nigger????

2012-02-07T11:07:00.000-08:00

So I woke up today completely drained , in a really bad fucking mood. I had one of the worst experiences ever at the hospital with my latest session with a new psychologist, I will blog about that later, all I have to say , is that the bitch is going down... Never in my life have I entered a session completely stressed and unnerved, and left the session feeling ten times worse... Anyways, more of that later...

So I had awoken today reading up on the latest celeb and entertainment gossip, I will admit I have grown a soft spot for Perez Hilton when he isn't jocking Madonna or Lady Gaga's asshole..And find his blog to be a breathe of fresh air , especially when I'm down int he dumps. Unfortunately this time it brought my emotions to a very angry state of mind when watching a video he has posted of a helpless human being, being brutally beaten , and having a tire thrown at him, while the person video taping is calling him a Faggot... The innocent man was minding his own business not bothering anyone, and a group of worthless cowardly , useless human beings decided to humiliate, and torment this person while people around barely bothered to attempt to protect this man... This video is beyond appalling and completely disgusting....

SO supposedly , the cops are investigating , and looking into this, blah blah blah fucking blah, we all know how this usually turns out. The cops investigate, nothing barely happens, if they do find the mindless fuckers, what do they usually get?? probation? Give me a fucking break.... People throw around the word Faggot like its nothing, celebs ( accidentally say the word) then want to apologise about it waaaay after the fact after they have gained some publicity from their bank less careers( ie that bitch Marlo from RHOATL), and we say its okay... So my question is.... what would the outcome be , if a

Marlo Hampton , who spurred a gay slur

group of white males were beating up a black male, while calling him a Nigger?

Ill tell you what would happen.... every church group, every African American celeb, the media, Oprah Winfrey, would be putting a stand to racial violence, putting together rallies, charity events, youth functions, marches, parades, you name it! in fight for racial violence.... and most likely Tyler Perry would make a movie about it, re using the same actors hes had in the last 6 movies he's made/ ( there are other African American actors out there by the way)... Obama would be a apart of it, doing karaoke to Heal The World... in a nutshell, More would be done if it was an African American being brutalized rather it being an openly gay human being....

Before I get the hate mail, I am not a racist, I come from a Puerto Rican, Mexican, and African American background, and besides being gay bullied, I def had my share of being judged for my black roots... weather I was called a faggot, a spik, a nigger, etc, it all hurt the same. nothing hurt more than the other, it was all ugly, it was all dark, it was all coming from the word HATE! All these names are equally damaging, beating a Latino person, a black, person, a white, person, a gay person, all feels the same, we shed the same blood, we shed the same fear, we shed the same humiliation, we shed the same tears. We all share the same HATE, but pop culture, and the media don't look at it that way... its as if there's a ranking, and being called a nigger just tops its all, but why ? why when it all feels the same?.. I find it so sad to see the hard work from people like Mr King, Rosa Parks, Medgar Evers, Malcom X , and Harriet Tubman, just thrown away by people these activist have fought so hard for....

I had to to take a little pause because I'm honestly lost for words... we keep posting vlogs about " it gets better", NOH8, etc etc etc, and its not getting better, and it will not get better unless we all come together and not just fight against gay rights, not just fight against Latino rights, female rights, Asian rights, black rights, hell prostitution rights..... IT WILL NOT GET BETTER until we all come together as ONE! ....Enough with all this separate shit... Lets ALL come together and fight for rights ITSELF! , neither one is more important then the other, we all HURT, name calling hurts, it hurts almost as much as a physical beating, and I'm tired of this " it gets better" crap... Cause with the video I'm about to post, the " it gets better campaign is obviously not working.... and I'm tired of these celebs posing for these NOH8 photos just for some extra brownie points... Photos don't do SHIT! actions need to start happening... But for the time being I want everyone to think...

If you call me a Faggot, Can I call you a Nigger???

#Justsayin

Look at the disgusting act below

Random Thought!!!

2012-02-03T17:53:00.000-08:00

Keep your friends close, and your enemies ......

NON EXISTENT!....

A Bulimics Friend, Could Be Their Worst Enemy....

2012-02-01T01:42:00.003-08:00

So while sitting at my desk, I was getting really irritated with myself, because I deliberately drank a 5 hour energy shot so I could stay up late to focus on my blog, and for the longest I just sat here, in a complete daze trying to not pay attention to the TV, but when Tori and Dean is on , I cant help it! ( I was always team Donna), and besides that, I was suffering mild case of writers ~~cock~~..Block!

(So you guys wouldn't have known, but I just now took another Hour break cause I had to watch Tabatha Takes Over)..

Anyways, l have been getting a lot of questions from people who have friends or family members who are dealing with an eating disorder, or suspect their friend has a disorder and they don't know how to approach the situation, So I really want to focus on that aspect, because it is very important to have a stable relationship with a friend that you can trust, but def be prepared because the answer I will give may surprise you..

Now I'm not going to give you the typical Dr Oz, Dr Phil, Dr ....whatever his name is type of answer. Of course it is great to seek professional help, especially if the person is at a very young age, but when someone is hitting their late teen years, things will be more difficult because at that point, they are the adult.

So when approaching a friend who has an eating disorder, I don't suggest an intervention, ( Unless your a fame whore), I don't suggest forcing them to eat with you, because we will always find a way to get rid of it. I don't suggest telling their parents, unless you are okay with the fact of maybe losing your friendship, and I strongly don't suggest to mention how thin they are!! Big no no... That may cause pain, PHYSICAL PAIN, on you!!!! The best thing you can honestly do, is.....Nothing

I know some may be scratching their heads, I know some right now may be rolling their eyes, and that's okay, my experience may not work for your friend, but I want to give you the best advice that I am familiar with.

When I say do nothing, I mean don't do anything that will force you to mention the word Bulimia, or Anorexia, if you mention those words, you are forcing a wall, and the wall will eventually get thick, so thick, that it will be extremely difficult to tear down, and pretty soon, it has turn to stone. Having a friend with an eating disorder can be tricky and mentally draining, its almost like playing a game of chess, you have to pick your battles wisely, because one wrong move, can ruin everything. I know this from personal experience.

Not too many friends were aware of my Bulimia, it was really just one person, and this person wasn't really aware of the disorder because I did have other health issues going on at that time that also caused weight loss. But when my friend did suspect the disorder, the approach was the WRONG way, and one of those ways , just like i mentioned before, was to mention how skinny I was getting, and that I needed to eat some rice or something( Please don't mention carbs around us). In her defense, we are very in your face, loud, assertive types of people, so she didn't mean any harm, but when she said " your too skinny" , I had to hold back everything from snatching her hair...eating disorders by the way, also fuck with your mood, and I was one moody fucker...So moody that it pushed a lot of people away, but it didn't push my friend away, so a mistake she made turned into a positive thing she did which was, Nothing. she did absolutely nothing but just be my friend. Which is what we really need, I didn't want a counselor , I just wanted a friend.

Now I know this may not be the answer you are looking for, which is understandable, but there are other things you can do as a friend, that will def help the situation such as:

Education ~ Learning about your friends disorder will make it way more easier between the relationship, and will give you a better understanding of what they may be going through.

Understanding ~ Meaning no judging, some friends aren't as supportive especially if its a male, and may even poke fun at the situation which will only enrage the person.

Listen ~ Know there may come a point when your friend will actually ASK for your help, but not in an obvious way, look for anything that would show your friend is screaming for help. Look out for silent pauses within a conversation. Poems, Letters, etc

Affection ~ Sometimes we crave affection, but are afraid to ask for it, People don't understand the power of a hug.

Stay Active ~ Consider in a very gradual way of asking your friend to come with you for moral support in regs to working out at the gym, learning proper weight loss without making it obvious.

Laughter ~ No depressing movies, no Horror flicks. Take your friend to see a great comedy, or stand up comedy show. like I always say laughter is some of the best medicine. Also look for comedians who have also struggled with eating disorders or weight loss i.e Margaret Cho

No Alcohol ~ Not only is alcohol high in calories, and we will get rid of it once we are home, it will def bring out rage, and anger, which could lead to other bad habits..

No Opinions ~`Don't give your opinion unless being asked, a lot of the times people just need someone to vent to, knowing a friend is there for you without an opinion will make your friend eventually want to talk more about his or her disorder..

Most importantly, just be a friend. I will tell you, your nerves will be tested, and your friendship will be tested, it will def not be easy, your friend will def try to push you away and alienate themselves, but don't let them. Let them know how much you cherish the friendship, and you are not going anywhere.

It doesn't always end with a Disney ending, unfortunately there are times where there is nothing you can do, and you may also lose that friendship, but know that you did everything in your power to show you were there, just so you don't have that guilty conscience. And please don't blame yourself, as cliche as it sounds, at the end of the day, its up to your friend when they are ready to face their demons, it took me almost 11 years to face mine. And having those friends that I knew would listen , and not JUDGE, def made the transition a much easier one, and I am very grateful for them. I always say I don't have ugly friends. Because they are all beautiful on the inside as well as out.....

Anyways.... Gotta go, Bad Teacher is on!!!!!!!!!

Much Love and Respect

Angelo H

More info on eating disorders, and what you can do to help found here:
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

Random Rant

2012-02-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

So while doing more research , I'm starting to learn that there are waaaay more different types of eating disorders then I thought. I mean, I thought there was Anorexia, and Bulimia. But then you have people who eat chalk, paper, HAIR!!!.
So I guess my Bulimia is a little ...Old Skool???

Well that just makes me feel old!! ....

What's Up With Your O.C.D???

2012-01-31T23:47:00.000-08:00

So I've been getting a lot of emails in regs to my struggle with OCD, ( Im sure its because they wanna see if I'm like that teacher from Glee), and I realized its almost been a year since I have updated you all about it. So here it goes.....

IT STILL FUCKING SUCKS!.....

There!

We All Need To Laugh !

2012-01-29T11:45:00.000-08:00

So after a fun night of bowling and pigging out on Pepperoni pizza last night, I woke up feeling completely tired, drained, and defeated, and the annoying thing is, I freaking don't know why? I guess that's part of being depressed, but damn Its so fucking annoying...

My goal this morning was to write another entry ( besides this one) and to start working on my Mothers blog, which is her life as a 3X Breast cancer survivor, One thing I will say about my family.... We def are SURVIVORS!... But after a brief convo with my Mom about the blog, and getting ready to write out my words of wisdom, I just felt completely sad, and once again defeated by the darkness.

It is such a frustrating feeling, especially when you cant pin point what is triggering that feeling at times, sometimes I have to cancel my Dr appts because I have nothing to say, and I'm not going to waist my fucking co pay on Silence... I can be silent at home for free.

Usually when I feel this way, I blog, but that wasn't working, so I tried to compose myself, and laid back down on the couch to watch some TV, only to be greeted by one of my all time favorite shows Roseanne. I religiously watch this show and laugh at it like its my first time watching the episode, the show has always been a comfort to me. I guess seeing other dysfunctional people made me feel less sane, but all I know is by the end of the episode, I completely felt fine.

So like I always say, laughter can be some of the best medicine to cure a dark spell, so I want to share a video I found on YouTube of Roseanne, and one of my favorite blooper reels. And now that my energy is back, I can blog about what I really wanted to blog about in the first place...................

Which I fucking forgot now!!!!! DAMNIT!...Anyways enjoy!

HATERVILLE! ( Quote Of The Week)

2012-01-25T12:09:00.000-08:00

"You're the reason us Gays are bullied"

(In Reference to my Blog)

- From a loyal hater -

Still Cant Believe..... ( Close Up Pic From My Bulimia)

2012-01-21T15:22:00.000-08:00

While cleaning the apt getting ready for tonight's festivities ( us gays love using that word) I came across again a picture of myself when I was 18 and mad deep into my bulimia.... The pic was taken at those one hour places that you used to go with your friends cause they were dirt cheap and that false lighting blurred out your zits... Well here's a much close look at my pic

I cant believe that I used to think this was cute way back when.... Look at the pale complexion, the blood shot eyes, the sunken in face..... the Tyra Banks Head!!!!..............

Okay well Ive always had the head, but being skinny made it more noticeable

So not worth it you guys.... THIS AINT CUTE!!!

(That fuckin pleather jacket aint cute either.....eww)

Weird Dreams Came In 1 !!!!

2012-01-21T09:26:00.000-08:00

Alright so I'm going to make this quick cause I just woke up and I don't want to forget it...Plus I'm fucking starving...

So I had a dream that I was getting ready to Audition for American Idol, which in real life couldn't happen being that I'm about to turn 30, and all they take now are Just Biebs and Rebecca Black age brackets, which don't make sense since they haven't hit puberty, and their voices could turn into the sounds of Baritone tenors gone wrong... But anyways I was still going to audition... But for some reason instead of a friend taking me to the audition, I was abducted by the male boys from Jersey Shore who thought that I should go tanning first which would increase my chances of making it to Hollywood.

SO I go tanning, cause who wouldn't pass up a chance to see Dj Pauly in a speedo...( Nice packacge might I add) The other guys,,,, meh.... So after tanning we all throw ourselves in back of a van and check out everyones tan lines....But Instead Dj Pauly wasn't really tan, he was more of a Neon Tangerine color, ( but that's not far from the truth anyways) and I was the depiction of the perfect Jlo Glow.... which Pauly referred it as a Hawaiian vaca tan..... Whatever, all of a sudden I was at the audition....

SO I arrive at the audition , but it turned out I already made it to the Hollywood round, and we weren't working on group singing medleys , we were actually working on a African Tribal dance, choreographed by P Diddy, and along side of me was Phaedra Parks from Real Housewives of ATL, and Adam Lambert, which doesn't make any fucking sense at all. but then I realized he looked more like a boy, and they didn't know who he was without the layers of matte mouse foundation and mascara...

So the dance routine was very Paula Abdul Coming to American which surprisingly I caught on right away, that was until it was time to perform it with the group and I completely froze. SO instead of doing the routine , I started to wave my arms and slide my hips side to side like an old lady trying to learn a Shakira dance routine, then all of a sudden Phaedra Parks is yelling at me to stop looking at myself in the mirror, ( which I do a lot in real life)..... So I fucked up the routine , and P didyy got mad and left the room, so we all took a break.

Soon after some guys from my old graduating class comes up to me and accuses me of talking shit about him, which was very random being that I didn't even know he was there... But more oddly he had with him a pet Pig that only had two legs that he kept carrying around like it was this years Beverly Hills trend.....The guy all of a sudden said that he was homeless and has to stay at Adam Lamberts house , and couldn't pay rent, instead he has to pay him in .........

And THANK GOD! I freakin woke up!!!

SO the moral of this story is...........................Fuck I dunno

Random Rant!!!

2012-01-20T21:14:00.000-08:00

My hair right now is platinum blonde, with pink highlights....

I call it.... A White Woman's Vagina!!!!!

(I Dare someone to ask for that color at the salon)

For You Etta James

2012-01-20T14:52:00.000-08:00

I am def saddened to hear about the passing of a true legend Miss Etta James. She was more than just a soul singer to me. She was actually part of my history. My father back in the days was a bouncer at one of the most popular clubs in San Francisco, CA where the one and only miss Etta would be performing for an anniversary party. She sang one of her most popular songs to date At Last. Which is also the same night my Father had met my Mother....So I like to think that Etta James had a little part in that....

SO I'm going to sing her song At Last, a song that has always been a struggle for mine, but for her, I'm not going to care about what others think. She was a strong soul who spoke her mind, and wasn't afraid of anything. SO this is for you Miss Etta.... Your Music and legacy lives on....

Random Rant!!!

2012-01-17T23:19:00.000-08:00

"Divorce makes me giggle. If I cant get married to get divorced , then why should I care?"

Random Rant!!!

2012-01-17T23:16:00.000-08:00

" My goal in life is to not be thin, My goal in life is to be healthy!....Big fuckin difference ( or small difference) Whatever!"

Happy Birthday To My King!!!

2012-01-16T10:27:00.000-08:00

Im sure its great for some of you that you have the day off... But dont forget the reason why you have the day off in the FIRST place! Happy Bday to my King!!!! One of my biggest inspirations for being a writer, and most importantly, a FIGHTER!

It Will Get Better!