eavesdroppers

I only eat hot dogs.

noreply@blogger.com (r. burns) — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 13:53:00 +0000

[In the grocery store]

Woman 1: Want some Vienna sausages?
Woman 2: Hell no! What kind of person do you think I am?!

P-p-p-party every day.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 20:40:00 +0000

Guy: If I were a student representative, I would put every kind of alcohol on tap.
Girl: I think every room should just have a well-stocked minibar.
Guy: Yeah, for sure...wait, minibar? No. Megabar.

- The Grill

Umm....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 01:26:00 +0000

"Quit calling me a retarded!"

- Dorm

Unlike semicolons.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 22:38:00 +0000

"I don't want my commas on crack. I want them to know what the hell they're doing."

- Walnut House

Very scientific.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 22:37:00 +0000

"I think you would have to write his douche factor in scientific notation because it's too big to fit on the page."

- Post Office Porch

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 18:04:00 +0000

Guy: Can I tell you guys a secret? On the walk back from [restaurant], these skinny jeans kinda made me leak pee a little bit. And then I peed for like five minutes.

Pouting.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 02:05:00 +0000

"Don't make that pouting face at me. It doesn't work. It just makes you look like a puppy, which makes me want to kick you in the face."

-Orchestra

It's love.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 02:04:00 +0000

Man [to wife]: Who said I was a conservative anyway? You, you liberal whack-job! Anyway, I was just coming in here to check on you. Make sure you're doing alright.

- First Block

Don't EVEN go there..

noreply@blogger.com (r. burns) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 03:02:00 +0000

"Don't you make me snap my fingers in a z formation!!"

-Late-evening Banter

Even babies.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 01:38:00 +0000

Girl 1: Don't eat that!
Kid 1: But, I'm a puppy!
Kid 2: Puppies don't eat babies!
Kid 1: Puppies eat anything! Even babies.

-Sunday School,
Contributed by Candace

Rejection via sandwich

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:15:00 +0000

Guy: No one's ever turned my down by giving me a fake phone number. I've just ended up making a lot of calls to Quizno's...

-Party

That's one idea.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:13:00 +0000

[A large, extended family is having dinner. Everyone is awkwardly silent.]
Man [suddenly]: Well, we could pick somebody and do an intervention.

-Christmas

Omnomnommm.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:11:00 +0000

Guy: I don't think I want to quit eating until I get some meatloaf.

-Late at Night

Symphonic.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:10:00 +0000

Girl: But...how would you know it was us!?
Guy: Who else would bring an air horn to a symphony?!

-School

There's the word.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:08:00 +0000

Girl 1: [Boy], you're really taking AP History?
Guy: Yes, I am. How dare you doubt my...my...um...crap, what's the word? It's...it's...AGH!
Girl 2:...'Intelligence'?
Guy: Yeah! That's it! I never would have thought of that...you saved me!

-Academic Team

...and now for what's happening in your neck of the woods.

noreply@blogger.com (r. burns) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 23:37:00 +0000

Guy: Do you remember back in September when Russia invaded Georgia?
Girl: Yes.
Guy: Yeah, when I heard that I was freaking out because I thought Russia had invaded the Georgia in the United States. A week later, I saw a map of Russia and Georgia on the television and figured out that Georgia was also a country... haha.
Girl: You went for a week thinking that the Russians had invaded Atlanta?!
Guy: Yeah, I just figured it was not a very big invasion. I thought that if it had been significant, it would have been on the Today show!

-Academic Team Practice

Truth or Myth?

noreply@blogger.com (r. burns) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 23:33:00 +0000

[Students are discussing bringing a Thanksgiving dinner to school.]

Girl 1: I can make mashed potatoes.
Girl 2: ...and I'll bring dressing!
Guy: I'll bring the cranberry sauce... and the coffee, because we all know how the pilgrims loved to sit around and drink coffee with Sasquatch.

-Spanish III

Eavesdroppers Turns Two

noreply@blogger.com (r. burns) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 23:22:00 +0000

November 7, 2006, Eavesdroppers began.

Two years, 527 posts, and 22, 951 hits later, the time has come for an Eavesdroppers revival.

Beginning today, quotes will be posted more frequently than they have been of late.

Thanks again to all of you who've been a part of these two great years.

Eavesdrop on!

R. Burns

Maggini-in-Tweed

Offshelf

A state is a state.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 01:11:00 +0000

Customer: I'd like a ticket for "Hollywood Chihuahua".
Daughter: It's called "Beverly Hills Chihuahua", Mom.
Customer: Who cares? A state is a state.

-Movie Theater, Contributed by Trevor

Tree jokes!

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 18:43:00 +0000

Girl: [Boy], you just aren't very wise.
Boy: I am very wise!
Girl: Okay, I'll take it back. You're a total sage.
Boy: Well if I'm a sage...then you're a...birch.
Girl: Oho. First tree joke of the year!

-AP Political Science

The thought that counts.

noreply@blogger.com (r. burns) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 21:29:00 +0000

[Girl is in the hospital after having her appendix removed, and her boyfriend comes to visit.]

Guy: Aww... I'm so sorry you're feeling bad.
Girl: Thanks...
Guy: I went to go get you some flowers, but then I saw how much they cost and decided I need gas money more.

-Hospital

How sweet.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 22:10:00 +0000

Guy: Aww...don't you just love to see fat people happy? I mean, I do. Until I remember how sad and alone and skinny I am.

-Cinema 8

Sounds amaaaazing.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:15:00 +0000

Girl: I met the hottest guy the other day. I mean...he looked just like Gandhi.

- Contributed by Rachel

So was that a yes?

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:13:00 +0000

Girl: So I'll probably have to shoot this guy who's stalking me. But then he'll wake up in the hospital and be like, "So was that a yes?"

-Concert

Very Medieval.

noreply@blogger.com (maggini in tweed) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 18:55:00 +0000

Guy: So we used to always go in Walmart and we'd get those...pool noodles. And we'd get bicycles. And you know what we did? We jousted. Yeah...

-O'Charley's