When the alarm went off this morning, I groaned. It was the first morning I had really not wanted to run. I had stayed up late throwing myself a bit of a pity party for gaining five pounds. I rolled over onto my back and started arguing with myself.

“Just go back to sleep. You can run later in the morning.”

No.

“Come on. You’ve worked out hard everyday this week. Today won’t matter.”

No.

I pushed the covers back, planted my feet on the floor and got up. After a cup of coffee and a banana, I went to gear up.

My heart wasn’t in it.

I plodded down to the end of the driveway, started my Garmin and tried to get in the zone.

“Just run one mile. One mile is something, right?”

No.

“You’re tired. It’s humid out. You hate humidity. And look, you’re running slower than you’ve been running lately. It’s a sign. Stop.”

No.

As I finished mile one and headed into mile two, the argument conversation in my head continued.

“Ok. You’ve made it a mile. Awesome job. Now, just finish this next mile for an even two and call it a day.”

No.

Just as I hit the halfway point, I saw my man leave for work.

“Perfect. He’s gone. He’ll never know you didn’t finish. Let’s go back inside for more coffee.”

No.

I pressed on. I focused on my breathing. I focused on my stride. I thought about the upcoming day.

My Garmin beeped to tell me mile two was complete.

“Ok. Fine. You’re actually going to run the whole three miles then? I guess you might as well. If we’re going to do this thing, then let’s do it. Pump it out, Ruthanne.”

Yes.

Despite the lack of desire, I pushed through and ran my faster three miles to date.

I didn’t want to. Ooooh, man. I so didn’t want to this morning, but I made myself and I’m so glad I did.

I’m just going to come straight out and say it . . . I gained five pounds.

Yes, I did.

Last week ~ 159.5

This week ~ 164.5

Not freaking out over here.

This is me not freaking out.

Just breathing.

And moving on.

P. S. I keep having little “victories” with running that make me so happy. Yesterday morning, I set a new 3 mile PR. I ran it in 29:14. Each mile was both {a} under 10 minutes and {b} faster than the one before (negative splits). Last night, I went out for my second run of the day with a group of people. It was my first run in the heat since last summer. It was just shy of 90 degrees out! Yuck. I was pleasantly surprised with how well I did. My first mile was right at 10:06, mile two was 9:55 and then mile 3 was 11:08. I walked up a small hilly section during part of mile three. I much prefer running early in the morning.

P. P. S. I just started playing Words with Friends. I know. I know. I’m old and slow to these things.

Well, I have a bone to pick with the brains behind the game.

Since when is Jedi not an acceptable word?! There are so many things wrong here. On so many levels.

I take issue with this.

The end.

P. P. P. S. I finally replaced my favorite coffee cup.

One of my sweet children accidentally dropped the other one while unloading the dishwasher. I was velly, velly depressed. I had some warm, fond feelings of affection for that mug. The shop I originally purchased it from is no longer open, but I was able to find one at Brookish. If you’re a Jane Austen fan like me, then you’ll love this little shop.

Now, my coffee tastes the way it’s supposed to once again. Score.

P. P. P. P. S. I’ve been slowly watching episodes of Castle. I’m into season two and I can say with absolute certainty ~ Nathan Fillion is HI-larious. It wasn’t love at first watch for me. It’s been hard for me, y’all. I compare everything to 24 or Friday Night Lights because they were both the bombdiggity. Do you have a show that you measure all other shows against?

P. P. P. P. P. S. I feel so blessed by all of you who read this blog. I honestly have no idea what I did to have y’all around here. Y’all are so encouraging, helpful, funny, and on and on. I kinda sorta like y’all. But, not in a weird way. In a totally normal way. Because I’m totally normal. Also, please don’t leave me. I have separation anxiety issues. Or is it co-dependency issues?

I’m having a bad day, y’all.

That voice in my head won’t shut off.

The mocking, condemning, never content voice.

It’s been brewing for a while now, but reared its ugly head last night.

We were headed out as a family and my man asked if I might want to change into shorts since it was rather warm out.

Simple, innocent question.

Poor guy.

I bit the man’s head off.

I own one pair of shorts. And (bonus) they actually fit now, but I won’t wear them.

Why? Because I hate my legs (and I’m not just referring to the fact they could possibly blind someone with how white they are).

What is wrong with me?

I mean . . . I’ve lost almost 80 pounds, but when I look at myself that’s not what I see.

I go to the gym, look in that huge mirror on the wall and see a woman in her mid-30s with a jiggly gut and thunder thighs.

I see arms so flappy that they could knock out a small child.

I see other parts of my body so pathetically saggy they might as well forgo support and just get tucked into my pants . . . maybe I’m exaggerating . . . or not.

I see cottage cheese. I hate cottage cheese.

Stretch marks, anyone?

I’m discouraged.

When I feel like this, I feel . . . defeated. It won’t matter when I finally make it to my goal weight because all of those things on my list ~ they’ll still be there.

What’s the point then? Why am I doing all of this?

All of these words are on repeat in my mind.

And I hate it.

**********************************

Do you ever feel like this?

I have been feeling so good lately during my runs.

Honestly, it makes me a tad bit skeered.

Because nothing good lasts forever, right?

Be quiet, Ruthanne.

Yes, ma’am.

Stop talking to yourself, Ruthanne.

Roger that.

It’s been fun to watch my overall pace come down.

Here are the splits from my last three runs:

Saturday’s splits:

Mile 1: 10:38
Mile 2: 10:06
Mile 3: 9:25

Monday’s splits:

Mile 1: 10:25
Mile 2: 9:42
Mile 3: 9:19

Wednesday’s splits:

Mile 1: 10:20
Mile 2: 9:47
Mile 3: 9:19

Now, I’m in need of a bit of assistance from y’all.

Sports bras.

Let’s talk about them.

I’ve been a bit frustrated as of late.

You see . . . . apparently . . . Um, I’m reeeeallly trying to think of a way to phrase this . . . . well . . . apparently, I’m cold a lot. ::ahem::

And being cold . . . in a sports bra . . . is not cool. (pun intended ~ snort)

So, I’m wondering how other gals handle that issue?

I tried some on at the sports store recently that had some padding. I think the padding may help, but the cut of these sports bras were not flattering on the sides or back. Can y’all say back fat? Yea. Not pretty.

What do you wear? Is there a sports bra you swear by?

P. S. The above picture has nothing to do with this post. I just didn’t want to post a picture of me in a sports bra. I’m quite certain none of us would have been able to recover from that trauma.

It’s that time again.

I don’t have a major weight loss to report this week. I wish that could happen each week!

Last week ~ 159.9

This week ~ 159.5

I hit a small milestone over the weekend. If you follow me on instagram, then you’ve already seen this.

I was able to fit into a pair of jeans I haven’t been able to wear since 2003. Yee-haw!

I had someone ask me if I would share what I eat for breakfast.

I eat the same exact thing every morning. I’m boring like that.

Before I head out to run or go to the gym in the morning, I eat a banana.

A few hours later, I eat:

2 eggs, scrambled
1 piece of whole wheat toast with 1 teaspoon of butter
1 clementine

(Roughly 270 calories)

How about you? What is your breakfast routine? Are you an egg person?

I couldn’t wait to pull on my running gear and lace up my shoes this morning.

It was still in the wee hours of the morning.

The darkness of night had not quite vanished.

The light of the morning was just beginning to surface.

The children were sound asleep in their beds.

The cool breeze and quietness of the hour was calling my name.

I walked down to the end of the driveway and pressed start on my Garmin.

My body found its comfortable rhythm. My mind went to its favorite corner. My heart locked into its target zone.

“Yes, I love this,” I said to myself.

The further I ran the lighter I felt.

As I finished mile one, I saw streaks of pink across the sky. Perfect, untarnished beauty.

I increased my pace.

I felt good.

I thought about my journey over the past 17 months.

I thought about what I’ve asked of this body.

What used to be impossible has now become possible.

As I finished mile two, I felt strong.

“Yes, I love this,” I said to myself.

I increased my pace.

I thought about what running has given me.

As I neared the end of my run, I gave it all I had.

A smile began to form.

Joy began to bubble up.

Contentment washed over me.

I felt . . . . . free.

I want to apologize for the excessive amount of bokeh in this picture.

Not really.

I like bokeh.

It’s like butter.

Rich and creamy.

Anyway, the point of the picture is to show roughly how much school we have left.

Oooooh, so little.

The weird thing is . . . I should be extra motivated to finish up since we’re so close to being done, but nooooooo I’m becoming more and more unmotivated.

What is my problem?!

::deep breath::

Now, I will share a random list of schtuff. Because it’s what I do.

1} I watched the Avengers on Monday night with my parents. Yes, with my parents. I’m not too cool, y’all. Also, I loved the movie. Superhero movies rock.

2} I’m craving a Venti Caramel Macchiato somethin’ fierce right now.

3} I’m also craving a calorie counter watch. The two are totally related . . . I’m sure of it.

4} I’m sleepy.

5} I think the Macchiato would help with that.

6} I’m following along on Nester and Maggie’s trip with Compassion. So moving.

7} We’re having Pioneer Woman’s Comfort Meatballs for dinner tonight. I want to eat straight out of the 9 x 13 inch pan. I really don’t even need a plate. It’s unnecessary and would just get in the way.

9} I just finished reading Born to Run. It was a very interesting read. I devoured the entire thing. The author writes from a different worldview than I have, so there were certainly things I didn’t agree with and also a little bit more colorful language than I prefer; however, it’s definitely a book I would read again. I wonder how many people have read this book and then started running barefoot. Seriously. Dude almost had me convinced. Almost. ::snort::

10} Before I read Born to Run, I also read Run to Overcome. It’s an autobiography of Meb Keflezighi. In 2009, he won the NYC Marathon. He was the first American to win it since Alberto Salazar in 1982! In January of this year, Meb won the U.S. Olympic trials in Houston and became the oldest winner (at 36) of the Olympic Trials Marathon. The book was . . . . okay. It took me a while to get through it. I was a tad bit disappointed after reading it. I blame it on my ignorance and naivety. These elite athletes don’t just run to run. There is money involved. It’s what they do for a living. I had never looked at it like that before.

What are you reading these days? Do you ever find yourself in a spring time slump?

Last week, I weighed in at 163.2.

This week, I’m weighing in at . . . . . 159.9!

I about passed out, then decided to silently squeal and dance around the bathroom.

I haven’t seen anything that started with a 1 and a 5 on my scale in about ten years.

Or more.

Just in case you’re new here, you might be interested in reading (and seeing) where I started. I’ve been on this weight loss / healthier lifestyle journey since December of 2010.

I now have 24.9 lbs. to go. You better believe I’m not rounding up to 25. ::snort::

What about you? What’s the scale saying? Better yet, what are your clothes saying?

I’m pretty sure my man and I aren’t the only couple who find themselves in a dating rut.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit at this point in our marriage and with the amount of children we have, any time alone with my man, regardless of where we go or what we do, I love.

Honestly.

I love just getting out of the house with my man.

Buuuuut, we are creatures of habit.

We’ve never been the dinner and a movie kind of couple. We’ve always veered towards the dinner and a visit to the book store. Until we both switched to digital, that is.

Now, we very rarely visit the book store.

Since I became obsessed with running, these days our dates usually consist of dinner and the sports store. Or a run, dinner and the sports store. ::snort::

Er . . . not joking.

Anyhoo, my friend and fellow photographer, Laura, just opened up a shop called Date Night in a Bag.

I snagged this description from her site:

The inspiration for DATE NIGHT in a BAG came from two places.

One: Matt and I have been together over a decade and so we have gone on hundreds of dates. Now though, it seems like we always fall back on our usual – dinner at our favorite restaurant [BWW!] and a movie. A great date night, yes, but the same every week? Boring! I figured we couldn’t be the only couple having trouble coming up with creative and fun date night ideas.

Two: The other half of the inspiration came as I was looking into possible wedding gifts for my wedding clients. I wanted their gift to foster romance and to help continue to build up their relationship after their wedding.

Viola! DATE NIGHT in a BAG was born!

Needless to say, I ordered a bag right away. It came in the mail yesterday afternoon and I couldn’t wait to share it with y’all.

I’m not going to lie.

Product packaging is important to me. Especially when buying from handmade shops. The extra care and attention a shop owner gives to my order makes me feel special. It makes me feel like my business is important to her.

I was impressed with Laura’s packaging!

It comes with a nice card, an extra sticker and some business cards (in case you want to share the love ::wink::).

If you’re giving it as a gift, inside the card there is a place to write a short message.

There are 25 cards inside the bag.

Each card is thick and sturdy. For real.

I’m not sure my good scissors could cut through these cards.

On the back of each card, a date idea is printed.

Yes, I read each one.

No, I’m not a patient person. ::snort::

And yes, I want to go on that date. It’s something completely different and out of the norm for us. It sounds like it would be a night full of laughter.

And y’all know I dearly love to laugh. And snort. Although, I do try to keep the snorting to a minimum on date nights. #hardyharhar

If you have children, some of the ideas may require extra planning as far as childcare. There was only one date idea that could be considered pricey and even that would depend on where you decided to go. The rest of the ideas are very economical. There were a couple of ideas I think my man may not be interested in, but that leaves 23 other date night ideas!

Places you can find Date Night in a Bag:

Website
Blog
Shop
Twitter
Facebook

I have a confession.

You may not want to ever visit these random parts again after I tell you.

I’ll understand.

You can only take so much weirdness from me before you just have to say, “Enough is enough, Ruthanne! No more!”

I get it.

And it’s okay.

::deep breath::

I don’t make my bed on Sundays.

There.

I said it.

Annnnnd I’m sharing a picture as evidence.

Right about now, I’m feeling very exposed.

And vulnerable.

Hold me.

I’m fairly certain I inherited this from my mother. This drive to always have my bed made. It’s the biggest piece of furniture in my room. Once the bed is made, my room looks 75% better immediately. I love that.

But . . . . on Sundays . . . . I just feel like being a little rebellious.

I tell myself, “Ruthanne, don’t make the bed.”

And I respond to myself, “Okay, I won’t. I can do this. I can totally do this. Look at me being all bad and stuff. Ahhh, yeah . . . . . ::glances over at the bed:: . . . but, it looks really messy. I don’t think I can do this. I can’t do this. It will only take three minutes. Tops. Stop it, Ruthanne! Step away from the bed. . . . Okay, okay.”

The relief I feel on Mondays as I make my bed up is almost indescribable.

Ahhhh, yes. Everything is right in the world again.

I’m weird.

I know this. You know this. I’m sorry.

I got a birthday present in the mail on Saturday from Melissa. It’s a bracelet from Silpada and I love it. It’s so perfect.

My mom was out of town on my birthday, so she’s taking me out tonight for a girl’s night out. Schweet!

I’m really enjoying this birthday. It’s like the energizer bunny. It just keeps going and going and going.

I have made three trips to the library within the past seven days.

My daughter is flying through the books A Series of Unfortunate Events.

She wakes up and reads. She eats and reads. She hurries up with her school work so she can read. She ignores her iPod touch so she can read.

I don’t mind all the trips to the library.

I love it.

In other non-book related yet daughter related news, my girl is registered to run the St. Jude’s Half-Marathon. We’re going to run it as a Mother-Daughter team.

Yes, I’m totally stoked.

I told her we should have shirts made.

We could have “The Dream Team” printed on them.

She gave me the look, which translated into a resounding no.

She said we would have to come up with something other than “The Dream Team.” Sooo, what do you think? Ideas? Inspiration?