[00:00:00] so, um, hi. I love you. I’m excited to do this. It’s fun. Okay. So basically the whole, the whole vision here was I wanted to make a podcast in and around emotions and feeling them anxiety and overcoming it.

Eddie: Uh, business and going for your dreams, and then negative thoughts to positive action, right? So this whole, like all the stuff we’ve already talked about and, um, I love talking about this stuff because I have been caught in my mind for years, mainly with anxiety and fear, and found that as I go through therapy, as I go through, um, learning different things about myself, it really is unlocking.

Eddie: Growth. It really is that I can really see change. Yeah. And I know there’s a lot of other people out there that are struggling with the same kind of thing. Um, and so I, I’m interested in talking about this. I’m thinking maybe in the future I’d be able to put together a cohort of people who want to work on this stuff.

Eddie: Um, not like therapy, but like, but taking action and like clearing out your anxiety and clearing out your fear and like, and working with [00:01:00] yourself. Um. So ba So the reason why I wanted to have you on is to talk about all this stuff and then how it relates to the Enneagram. And let’s just have some cool conversations.

Eddie: Cool. And it doesn’t have to be anything. Mm-hmm. But I think if we have some fun, I mean, already this is already fun, just kind of doing a project with you. I haven’t done a project with you in a while. I know. Um, but, uh, but just to, to connect about this stuff and to talk about this stuff. ’cause we always have such good conversations and we never record them.

Eddie: Mm-hmm. And so I figured it was time. Okay. Um, so if we wanna start with. You should start with some

Chrissy: little chitchat with your guest.

Eddie: Little chitchat. Yeah. Well, listen, tell me where do you, where do you hail from? Hey, where, where do you hail from?

Chrissy: Born and raised in Buffalo, New York. Oh, wow. Living in Nashville, Tennessee.

Eddie: Wow.

Chrissy: Now, how long you been

Eddie: here?

Chrissy: Um, you’re hilarious. You’re married to me, so you could do the calculations of that. Well,

Eddie: I don’t do, I don’t do math on podcasts,

Chrissy: unfortunately. I think, well, we’ve been married [00:02:00] for 14, so 13 years

Eddie: Wow.

Chrissy: Here in

Eddie: Nashville. It’s really, it’s really incredible.

Chrissy: I know. Yeah.

Eddie: Well, what do you, what’s the, what’s your favorite thing about me?

Eddie: What’d you say

Chrissy: about you?

Eddie: Okay. So why don’t you introduce yourself? So, so this is Chrissy, Chrissy Irvin. Um, she is my better half. Oh. And she is, uh, she’s a growth coach, uh, using the Enneagram. Mm, as the, what do you call it? As the method. As the, as the lens. It’s lens. It’s the tool,

Chrissy: right? It’s a tool that we use and there’s a lot of tools in our belt and we need a lot of tools in our belt.

Chrissy: Um, but it’s a really useful one. You know, it really helps us understand kind of the individual filters. We have the unique filter, we kind of like see the world through. Yeah. Um, and what we are most motivated by in trying to get our needs met. Um, and so [00:03:00] I, um, there we go. Wow. Yeah. I did that with my foot.

Chrissy: Wow. That’s pretty impressive. My, that’s really,

Eddie: actually, really quite impressive.

Chrissy: Um, yeah, I’m really passionate about it. I, I think, again, we need a lot of, a lot of tools and a lot of insight and no, um, model is perfect, but it sure is useful. So, yeah. Um, I’m grateful for the insights it’s given. Me about myself and why I do what I do.

Chrissy: Right? Yeah. And it helps me kind of recognize, oh, I, I have these compulsive things I do because I, I am motivated in a certain way and I’m fearful about certain things. And, um, that’s kind of unique to me and those of my type right. Yeah. Um, and also understanding you as my partner, understanding that you’re really motivated in, in really different ways.

Chrissy: Um, some of our [00:04:00] patterns might look similar, but you, you have a different motivation and you’re kind of functioning out of a different part of yourself more than than I am. And yeah. Um, it’s really, it’s really helpful to understand that because I don’t. Take offense to things or think that you’re hurt trying to hurt me in the way that I used to.

Chrissy: Now I understand. Oh, okay. He’s doing that thing he does, right? Like it’s

Eddie: easier to see people.

Chrissy: Yeah. Yeah. Um. It’s easier to see and, and really the, the bedrock of all of it is com compassion, right. For ourselves, for each other, for understanding, you know, this is a well-worn path. Yeah. For me and for you.

Chrissy: And, um, and the insight is really helpful. So,

Eddie: yeah, that’s really huge. The idea of, of compassion for self and others is, um, I think a pretty big breakthrough because I, I feel like what happens a lot is as people are on this journey to [00:05:00] figure out their anxiety or fear, whatever it is that they’re doing.

Eddie: They notice what they’re doing wrong, and then it hurts because, ugh, look at me, look at what I’m doing wrong. Oh, and then it’s this whole, then it’s a whole season of like shaming yourself, which is really like, kind of counterintuitive, like when you’re trying to heal.

Chrissy: Sure. It’s

Eddie: like, oh, let me beat myself down more.

Eddie: And like, that’s actually not the way through. It’s not the way through to hurt yourself and, and, and bully yourself, or what, whatever negative voice you have in your head, um, that you’ve, that you’ve, that has hurt you. You almost become that negative voice.

Chrissy: Sure, yeah. As you

Eddie: move forward.

Chrissy: Shame is a terrible motivator.

Chrissy: It’s really never gonna get us where we wanna go. Yeah. Um, and that’s why. I really, really lead with compassion in this work, um, and try to lead for that, even for myself. And sometimes that’s hard. It’s hard to find that, but if it’s always, ugh, I’m doing it wrong again, really, there’s a lot of people who don’t even know what they’re doing wrong, right?

Chrissy: Like they don’t even have the insight and it’s not even necessarily. [00:06:00] I think maybe wrong is the wrong term. Um, but they don’t even know how they’re hurting themselves and their relationships. They don’t even realize the habitual patterns they live out of, um, that are not actually their true selves. Yeah.

Chrissy: Right. They’re their, their persona. It’s their personality, it’s their ego trying to protect them so they don’t even realize it’s not them, their true selves, and that they’re in some ways not being totally authentic. And so first comes the insight, and sometimes that’s hard to swallow. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize.

Chrissy: Mm-hmm. Like our type and our, and the shadow or the like, lower qualities of our type. Mm-hmm. That’s can be really sobering. Um, and, and then when you get into the work of it all. Like, okay, maybe I don’t need to hold so tightly to these patterns and do these things. Um, maybe I can be a balanced person and I will still be loved, accepted, safe, you know, whatever it is that we’re really [00:07:00] motivated by.

Chrissy: Um. We, we start to do that work, but we have to recognize with compassion that this is gonna be a journey and I’m gonna fall back into my old patterns. And I still do. I’ve been doing my work for years and years and yeah, it’s easy to do. Yeah, it’s easy to do. It’s, it’s your nervous system almost feels more comfortable with your.

Chrissy: Flawed patterns, even toxic patterns. Right. Um, because it’s how it, it’s trying to keep you safe, right? Yeah. Um, that’s what

Eddie: you’re used to and your, yeah. Your, your ego doesn’t want you to change.

Chrissy: No, it’s very, it’s very scary to change. And so the ego tries to protect you. Don’t change, don’t change. Keep doing what you’ve been doing.

Chrissy: Um, but that’s of course not the way to evolve and become a balanced person who, um. Isn’t so confined by the, the strategy of a personality or the, the boxing in, of the, of the personality. So really what the Enneagram is [00:08:00] intended to help us do is get out of the box we put ourselves into. Of course, we didn’t choose that box.

Chrissy: It’s not like we, we intentionally did this. Well, you can’t

Eddie: even see the box necessarily sometimes. No, you

Chrissy: can’t. But it’s not to label people. That’s, that’s kind of a misconception, right? It’s not to say, well, you’re like this and that’s how you are. And if anything, that’s like the opposite of what it is, right?

Chrissy: Because if we just stay stuck in those ruts or Right, or use it in a weaponizing way, that’s never how it’s intended to be used.

Eddie: That’s interesting. The idea of like, um. Being, you know, being a certain number and kind of feeling like, well, this is who I am and how I am. I remember when I first typed as a five, I’m a six, but I type as a five and I kind of, I kind of leaned into it more.

Eddie: It was kind of like, okay, I can, I have permission now to be how I am. Give me the data I

Chrissy: remember, which ultimately, yeah,

Eddie: gimme the data, gimme the information. But like, but that was. I was, I was mistaken there, kind of going down the wrong road of like, okay, I can kind of sit in my however I am. Mm. And that’s really not what the work has been.

Eddie: It’s been identifying like, okay, this is [00:09:00] kind of how I’ve come to the world, or how I see the world or what I’m motivated by. But the work is to now figure out where is this holding me back? Where is this pattern keeping me stuck?

Chrissy: Mm-hmm. And

Eddie: then taking steps, really steps outside the box

Chrissy: uhhuh

Eddie: that I kinda just fall into.

Eddie: Without thinking.

Chrissy: Yeah. Yeah. And it’s, it’s really true even when you, when you properly type, right? Because there’s, there’s a connection point we have with our type and we really resonate with it. And so sometimes we, I see this a lot with clients, with friends, you know, we lean even more into our type because we’re like.

Chrissy: I feel kind of known by this, but the goal is to start stepping outside of that and realizing, oh, I’m still safe. Oh yeah. I’m still like people. I’m not abandoned. Right, right.

Eddie: talking about, in our patterns. We are trying to not sit in them. We are trying to [00:10:00] grow, we are trying to not just take it on as a kinda just wear it and just go, well, this is how I am, but instead start pushing into kind of some new territory.

Eddie: Yeah. And that, that brings me to this idea or this thing I’m obsessed with lately about, um. Our stories and how the stories that we believe can keep us stuck. And I, I, I, I say stories, meaning, you know, the things that we almost just take for granted. Yeah. Like you’re saying, like we don’t even see them sometimes.

Eddie: Yeah. And I feel like I’m, I’m very obsessed with this idea that a lot of the growth is just seeing what it is that we’re already doing. As a thing. Oh, oh, look at me. That’s what I’m doing. Mm-hmm. Like once we can get to that point of it, like observing and seeing it, that’s where the growth really starts.

Eddie: Because before that, we are not able to. Make any change because we don’t see anything that even needs to be changed.

Chrissy: Mm.

Eddie: And then once we can see our stories and see our patterns and, and start to like, oh, that’s, that’s, I’m doing that because of this also with compassion and not shaming ourselves. Right.

Eddie: But then I feel [00:11:00] like pretty much after that point, we’ve won. Now obviously there’s a lot of work to do. Mm-hmm. As we try to break through those patterns, but seeing our stuff

Chrissy: Yeah. Has

Eddie: got to be the hardest thing to do on this journey.

Chrissy: Yeah, there’s levels of hard, right? Sure. I think, um, it, it is, that’s where I love, I mean, I love sitting with someone and doing a type exploration to figure out what their, their type is.

Chrissy: So there’s nine types.

Eddie: Yeah.

Chrissy: Um, I, I usually really discourage people from doing online tests because. Our types are so nuanced. We are so nuanced. We are diverse and complex. And even, you know, you could have three type nines and they look really different from each other because of, you know, for a number of different reasons.

Chrissy: And so, um. I love doing those typing and I’m guiding, right. I’m not, I’m not [00:12:00] typing people. They are typing themselves. They know themselves better, right? But I am the guide. Of course, I know about the types and I can help them kind of flesh it all out. And when they land on a type, when they really discover their type, that light bulb going off, it’s, it’s huge.

Chrissy: Yeah. It’s huge to just really connect with, oh, okay. That is why I do what I do. Right. And that’s the first kind of unlocking of. Kind of noticing the patterns or, or behaviors, right? The, the, the, the behaviors that we do or we perpetuate or the things we feel like we need to do in order to get our needs met.

Chrissy: Um, we start to really notice them. Once we identify our type and we really understand it well. And that work can go on and on because there’s. So much depth to it and there’s so many layers. And of course, us as individuals because of our upbringing and our, our traumas and all the things impact how that shows up for [00:13:00] us.

Chrissy: Um. But I even still, I notice myself doing the things or feeling compelled to do the things that I know are just really tied to that, that that tender part of me that feels like I need to get my needs met. Right. Um, in a very certain way. and so I really feel like I understanding our, our Enneagram type can really help us even pinpoint more. The stories, right? Hmm. The narratives that we have, take a type one for instance. Their core motivation is to be good, to do the right thing, right? And that’s noble. It’s beautiful, it’s valued, it’s virtue.

Chrissy: Like we, we, we love that. We love our ones for that, right? Um, but because of that core motivation and their fear. That they’re actually innately flawed. Hmm. And then [00:14:00] that, that they’re not good. That propels them into a life of perfectionism, of needing control, of, um, being very critical of not only themselves, but others Right.

Chrissy: Of, of micromanaging, and, um. Being hy hypervigilant in a way that is, that is, um, again, kind of needing control, um, and. It, it bothers them so much, but it, it, it is the pattern they feel like they need to do because they need to be perfect. If they’re not perfect, it will be proven that they are flawed.

Chrissy: Right, right.

Eddie: Um, this connecting back down to the main story that, that the, the, the root level is the story and then out of the story come these behaviors that then. Also the behaviors in themselves can cause trouble. Right? If you’re trying to be too perfectionistic, then that can cause [00:15:00] conflict with other people.

Eddie: Whatever it is. It’s like that’s not actually the thing underneath it is the belief for why the perfectionism even happens in the first place. Mm-hmm. And that what you say, like feeling innately flawed or feeling like you’re not good or what, whatever sort. Yeah. You’re

Chrissy: defective or you’re not good. So holding

Eddie: onto this belief, which.

Eddie: You know, uh, I would guess that it’s very hard to like, you know, wake up one day and be like, oh yeah, that’s the belief. That’s what’s happening. It’s just, we just do the things that we’re doing right. And we don’t really stop to like really dig in and understand these stories, but they propel us to do all these things.

Eddie: For me, it’s fear. Fear is a huge motivator.

Chrissy: And

Eddie: all these stories that I’m uncovering are leading me to understand why I am doing the things I’m doing as opposed to just doing them, which is so easy to just, you live your life and you do the things you do. Yeah. To uncover the stories, which then help you have an have an at bat or have a chance of maybe not doing the thing that you’ve always done.

Chrissy: Yeah.

Eddie: Which then unlocks,

Chrissy: right.

Eddie: A new reality for yourself. It unlocks [00:16:00] a new life for yourself as opposed to feeling stuck and constrained and frustrated. In your patterns.

Chrissy: Yeah, yeah. And kind of recognizing, right, that, you know, for, again, just the example of the type one, you know for them their story is that they need to be perfect, that they need to be good and kind of prove that goodness.

Chrissy: And so. How does a criticism feel to a type one, right? Like that’s soul crushing. Yeah, that is, that is really difficult to take, um, because it, it feels like evidence that they’re defective and so they are the most responsible type, the most dutiful type. They will take everything on their shoulders. Their to-do list is a million miles long, and guess what?

Chrissy: They’re not gonna relax or rest or play. Until that’s done Right. Because of their story. Right. Because the [00:17:00] story is you must, you must be good and above reproach and always doing the right thing. And it doesn’t feel like the right thing, doesn’t feel good to play before the work is done. Right. And all nine types have their own kind of lens and their own pattern.

Chrissy: Right. But, and, and this is a. Big reason why my whole model of, of using the Enneagram for personal growth is it’s the tool I use because everyone needs different kinds of evolution, personal evolution, everyone needs different kinds of personal growth. You and I need very different things. We need to stretch into very different things.

Chrissy: You’re a head type A type sex. I’m a heart type a heart two, uh, or a type two. Um, and. That’s not because I’m a woman, I’m a heart type and you’re a male, you’re a head type. I have had many female head types, you know? Yeah. In, in the coaching seat. Um, and many [00:18:00] men who are heart types, so, so good friends too.

Chrissy: Yeah. Yeah. There’s no gender norms when it has to do, I do think there’s stigmas that go along with that. I think people miss. Because of Sure. The kind of gender norms and social stigmas, people mistype a lot. Um, but we need really different things. What is most uncomfortable for me as a type two typically has to do with people, uh, disappointing people or being not liked by people.

Chrissy: Mm-hmm. Or my story that I’m not liked by people. Right. Um, for you as a type six. Security and support. And so if you feel unsafe Yeah. Or unsupported, that’s gonna be really triggering for you. Right? And, and so part of your work is trusting yourself and stretching into your own

Eddie: right.

Chrissy: Um, you know, self-trust and, and actually not seeking support.

Chrissy: Um, for me it actually might be asking for help that, you know, it’s

Eddie: so funny how it’s the same, [00:19:00] it’s the same thing, but flipped where. I need to do something that maybe you just take for granted or you do easily and then you need to do something that, you know, I can just, you know, it, the growth path is not the same for all of us.

Eddie: It really isn’t.

Chrissy: It’s so different.

Eddie: It’s based on, it’s based on the stories that we have. It’s based on the actions that we do that we want to change. And yeah. You’re not sitting there saying, Hey, I need more support.

Chrissy: Right.

Eddie: But for me, I am, and so that I, you know, my growth path is to, is to not seek support.

Eddie: It’s

Chrissy: scary for me as a type two cha for support, right? Mm-hmm. Because my whole pattern is focus on the needs of others, help others. You’ll actively not help seek support, don’t have needs. Right, right, right, right. Yeah. Don’t have needs. Because that, that is not safe. You could be rejected if you have needs or, or Right.

Chrissy: Um, flaws even. Right. So, and I

Eddie: fear rejection in other ways, but then I, I actively seek support. I actively try to connect with people to, to gain support or ask somebody else. What do you think about it? Yeah. When, yes, I could just sit with myself and just make the best choice I can uhhuh, and it’s really too, it’s also like, um, [00:20:00] it’s also like a broken, kinda like a broken leg that I, I choose to not walk on.

Eddie: Mm.

Chrissy: You know, I,

Eddie: I’m, I’m thinking it’s broken.

Chrissy: Mm.

Eddie: And I’m not walking on it because I think it’s broken. It, it’s maybe not that it’s broken, but just that I haven’t really walked on it. I haven’t really chosen to do it. Yeah. And like going to the gym, you know, it’s in you, you keep on, it’s in me, and if I do it, then I get better at it.

Eddie: And also just getting over the fear of like. Starting to use it or starting to do the thing. Yeah. Like that’s part of, that’s also another story. It’s like, you know, I can’t do this thing because it’s too scary and I can’t do it. You know, that’s kind of how procrastination works, is the, you build up this idea in your mind of it’s gonna be this whole thing and there’s no way that I could do it.

Eddie: It’s Mount Everest and then you do it and you’re like, oh, like that wasn’t, you know, that wasn’t that bad. Yeah. It’s like the buildup is the worst part.

Chrissy: Well, that’s your ego protecting you, right?

Eddie: Right.

Chrissy: That is your ego protecting you and saying, no, don’t step into this unchartered territory. Yeah. Don’t trust yourself.

Chrissy: I’m trying to keep you safe and, and keep you away from that thing, right? And so, um, [00:21:00] pushing into discomfort really is the path for. Everyone, right? For all nine types, right? Discomfort looks different, right? For all nine types, right? Um, but pushing into that and growing your tolerance for discomfort is really the way where you start building more self-trust, more self-awareness.

Chrissy: Um. And you get more connected to what is your true self. Your true self is not attached to, I have to do certain things in order to get my needs met, right? I have, this is who I am. This is how I am. You’re not gonna lose the, the, the joy of your personality. You’re not gonna lose those things that are your, your, your sparky parts and your, your fun parts and the things that people love you for, right?

Chrissy: Um. But you will lose some of the things that others benefit from.

Eddie: Mm.

Chrissy: Right. So you will, it will impact your relationships for the better. And sometimes you [00:22:00] will see people drop off.

Eddie: Part of the discomfort is knowing that some relationships will change and they’ll stop benefiting your patterns. You’ll lose.

Eddie: You can lose. Yes. Although what you’re losing, you know, ultimately is a gain long term. But that’s scary for a lot of people. Oh, yeah. And, and will cause, and will cause people to stick and, and do things that they, uh, shouldn’t be doing, that aren’t healthy for years and years and years. Yeah. And then we end up with all this overload of anxiety or overload of fear.

Eddie: Overload of shame or overload of whatever else that. That really then hurts us more. More than just our mind. Then that manifests into the body. We get sick, certain things, you know? Oh my gosh. The body. Yes, and we don’t, and we don’t realize that maybe sometimes that’s our pattern that so the belief happens.

Eddie: Mm-hmm. Then the belief causes the actions and then doing the actions Cause a result. If it’s a negative action, it causes sometimes a sickness. And, but that’s, that’s all traced back through, down to that core [00:23:00] belief. Mm. And as we can go do our work to uncover those layers to see, to really just see what’s going on, then we can start shifting those beliefs or attempting to shift those beliefs.

Eddie: You know, I guess, like you said, the one beliefs that, you know, the, um, I’m not good, or whatever it is, whatever that, whatever that core belief is, fear

Chrissy: the, yeah, I’m as effective, the fear

Eddie: or whatever it is. Start shifting that or start speaking to that, um, as, as, as. As our own wise self. Yeah. Speaking to that and being able to, to, um, kind of come against it or counter that and not just do the things that we automatically do, but instead, you know, try to shift this underlying belief, which then will have the ripple effect up to different actions, up to different results, which then that’s, that’s where we, that’s where we shift our mindset and then our reality changes.

Eddie: It’s not, we just shift our mind and nothing else. We shift our mind. And that changes what it is that we do. Mm-hmm.

Chrissy: Yeah.

Eddie: And that then gives a different result. [00:24:00]

Chrissy: Yeah. And it’s, here’s the thing, like a lot of the things that are kind of ingrained in our different personalities and just who we are as individuals, um.

Chrissy: Uh, they’re not necessarily bad, right? Like, um, if one of my patterns as a type two is to deeply care about people and connection and wanting to help people and, and, um, serve or notice people’s needs, right? And, and help them. I like that part about my personality. I think that’s beautiful. I think it’s wonderful to notice others and kind of be tuned into others.

Chrissy: The problem is where it gets to, I’m doing this because. I need to, I’m doing this because otherwise they will reject me. Or I’m doing this even, even more kind of deep down when you can start to notice I’m doing this because I want to try to [00:25:00] secure this relationship, right? Mm-hmm. Um. It’s hard to see young twos or people who just now understand that there are two.

Chrissy: They’re not gonna notice that at first. They’re gonna think, no, I just love to help. And that is actually true. They love to help Uhhuh, but there’s kind of a deeper motivation there that they. Fear if they stop helping, if they stop being the helpful one, if they stop only focusing on other people’s needs and they have needs of their own, that people will reject them.

Chrissy: Yeah. And not like them, or not want them around anymore.

Eddie: Yeah. Baked in fear, that’s, that’s steeped in fears.

Chrissy: Yeah. That’s where, and it’s kind of this for heart types. There’s a lot of shame in there, right? Like this, it’s very identity based for heart types. So two series and fours, it’s, it’s very identity baked and so.

Chrissy: It’s all about how I need to be for other people. It’s others referencing like what other people see me as and how I’m showing up in the world. Um, and it can feel, [00:26:00] I mean, that can be an endless rat race to just, you know, try to win people over or, or be seen in a certain way. And so the, the. Actual behaviors can be really beautiful and lovely.

Chrissy: And when they come from like a really pure place that is, I have margin, I have space to help, I’d love to help you because I love you. Like that is the purest form, right? For the type two.

Eddie: That’s the good, that’s the wonderful part of the too, right? And we

Chrissy: love to see that. But when it’s from a place of. Oh, I now see I was really trying to secure that relationship, or I was really trying to be liked, or I was really trying to be seen as this really giving person, like, oof, that’s hard to look at and to notice.

Chrissy: But that is where the good stuff comes. Like that is where the real growth starts to happen. When you can be honest with yourself about that, can you

Eddie: see them the true motivations? Yes. And see, and really seeing, I’m seeing here as we’re talking about [00:27:00] it, this idea that the fear, fear be having fear as a motivator.

Eddie: For any of the types. Sure. If, if making a decision out of fear is. Is not, it’s not ideal. It’s not gonna, it’s not gonna lead to what we really want. Even though like it’s, it’s a survival mechanism. It’s, it’s getting our, it’s us living our lives because we feel, we fear this lack, we fear this is gonna break.

Eddie: We fear we’re not gonna have whatever. But it leaves us in this fear state. And I feel like that gets me to kind of another core idea that I want this podcast to be about, which is, is seeking an understanding about how we. Operate out of fear and to try to get away from that. There’s fear everywhere in the world.

Eddie: Yeah. And um, and, and if we can have moments in our own personal growth where we can recognize our fear and not just act out of it, but stop ourselves and make a better decision, realizing, oh, I’m making this decision out of fear, do I really wanna do that? Mm-hmm. Not to say you can’t. Do almost maybe literally the same exact thing.

Eddie: Yes. But coming from a better heart space.

Chrissy: Yes. It truly is about the motivation, about purifying [00:28:00] the motivation. Right. I don’t think, like, you know, I don’t think anyone ever arrives, but I, I don’t think you could have the healthiest you could ever room of the healthiest people. On the planet, right. Who have done their work.

Chrissy: Yeah. And do I think they will be way harder to figure out their Enneagram type? Absolutely. ’cause they’re not gonna look like, they’re not gonna have such a strong attachment to those patterns or even those beliefs anymore. But I still believe those, those really. Lovely qualities, like I think ones will still be really valued.

Chrissy: People who care about justice and, and doing things right and honoring others. Right, right, right. Um, I think those things will remain like, I, I it’s, but it truly is. Okay. Why? Am I doing this? Yeah. And, and so it requires a lot more connection with your intuition, which all nine types can use. Even gut types.

Chrissy: There’s, [00:29:00] there’s head types, heart types and gut types. Even gut types can use more connection to their intuition. Mm-hmm. Um. I often coach with gut types and, and even they have a hard time telling you what’s happening in their body or they, they’re responsive. They’re, they can be reactive even, um, in trying to get to action and do the right thing.

Chrissy: Mm. That they actually don’t tune in to like. Do I have capacity for this? Ones are historic for that. They take so much on their shoulders. Eights are the, the quickest to action. Another gut types that they’re gonna be very quick to action and maybe think about it later, right? Mm-hmm. Um, and you know, nines often struggle to even know what it, what do I think or feel because they’re merging with others so much.

Chrissy: Um, trying to keep the peace. We can go over all nine types another time, but, um. You know, they even, they struggle to get in touch with their intuition. Even heart types struggle to get in touch with their own feelings. Fours are probably the, the best at it, the most well-versed at it. [00:30:00] But even sometimes naming their feelings is difficult.

Chrissy: Mm-hmm. Let alone the other types who really struggle.

Eddie: Right.

Chrissy: To name what they’re feelings.

Eddie: Right.

Chrissy: Um, we need. Those parts of ourselves, as well as our head center, are kind of more logical thinking. We need all of those parts in healthy working state, you know? Yeah. We need to be able to access them.

Eddie: I used to not believe that.

Eddie: I remember when we first started therapy, because I’m such a head type, the idea of, you know, let me, let me. It sounded horrible to think about my feelings. I don’t want to think about my, I was trying to actively avoid my feelings. Yeah. And, and seeing it when you talked about there like it’s different levels of intelligence.

Eddie: It’s, you know, I used to think just the thought is the intelligence, but there is this, this gut feeling or this kind of, you just kind of know. Intuition. Intuition, intuition. Yeah. And then what for heart, what is the. What does the, I mean, it’s

Chrissy: your emotional center. It’s your, it’s your feelings and you know, sixes

Eddie: listening to your feelings and not just waving them away and going, you know, feeling, feeling your feelings, which not just talking about head

Chrissy: types.

Chrissy: Love to intellectualize. [00:31:00] Right, right, right. Yeah. Right.

Eddie: Oh, this is exactly what’s going on. Uhhuh. Yeah.

Chrissy: Uhhuh and even gut types. Like they, you know, I could, I could ask. A coaching client, you know, what, what do you, what feelings can you name for that? And they’ll tell me a whole story. Right. Um, or why they did what they did.

Chrissy: ’cause they’re concerned with Right action as opposed to

Eddie: like taking a moment and like feeling uhhuh actually, yeah.

Chrissy: They, they, and it’s not that they’re not trying to. Do the assignment, but it just is, but they truly, it’s a blind spot to them. Right? Right. Um, so actually feeling your feelings is the only way to like, let them move through you.

Chrissy: And as a six,

Eddie: that’s where I, that’s what I didn’t know for so many years. Yeah. You,

Chrissy: I mean, fear’s a feeling, right? Like, and so you’ve got plenty of that. You have this head heart cycle going all the time if you’re not careful.

Eddie: Yeah.

Chrissy: Um. And being tuned into your fear and, and kind of loving your fear and thanking your fear, right?

Chrissy: Mm-hmm. For showing up for you and trying to keep you safe is the only way to kind of release it. Yeah. And say, Hey, I don’t need you here. Okay. Like, [00:32:00] and, and for sixes, really all head types, it’s, it’s actually more anxiety. It’s about what if. What’s going to happen? What is, I have

Eddie: a very active imagination and sometimes not for the better.

Eddie: Right? Yeah. Right.

Chrissy: Yeah. What could go wrong, right. Whereas the sevens might say, what could go right? Yeah. But I don’t wanna miss out. So they have fear too. Sevens have plenty of fear. They don’t, they don’t think it sometimes or people don’t think they do. ’cause they’re the spontaneous, fun loving ones because

Eddie: they’re flipping into the positive.

Eddie: Yeah. But they’re

Chrissy: very worried about missing out. They’re very worried about being in pain or boredom. Mm-hmm. So they’re gonna keep themselves very busy and very, um, even if those things some people might think are bore. Boring. Um, they are keeping themselves engaged at all times. Right? Yeah. Um, they’re keeping it fun, life fun at all times.

Chrissy: Yeah. Because they’re fearful. What if when that stops, will I feel pain? Will I be bored? Will I be uncomfortable?

Eddie: Right. Right.

Chrissy: Um, so.

Eddie: Love it. Okay, cool. Well, so to finish out, what I’d love to do, if you want to, is, uh, go through all nine types and [00:33:00] just talk about the positive parts of each. So we talked about the one, like kind of the negative thoughts, the negative feelings.

Eddie: I’d love to just, and, and let’s try to make it kind of quick, like quick shots. Yeah. And then after that you can just kind of, if you wanna share a little bit about, um, your website or where people can reach you, if you’d like to share that. Uh, but let’s go through all the nine types and just say quickly, like what the positive parts of each or the, kind of the, the best blessings of the world, why they’re the blessing of the world, uh, and then we’ll end from there.

Eddie: I love

Chrissy: this question ’cause Yeah. I find there is a lot of content out there, a lot of, um. Uh, material now in the Enneagram and the Enneagrams from the early 19 hundreds is not a new model by any stretch of the imagination. It’s been widely researched and, um, you know, has a lot of really respected thought leaders, psychiatrists behind it, um, and, and the development of what we understand about our personalities.

Chrissy: But there is a lot of shade thrown at the types, right? There’s it, it can really be used. Um, in ways that are weaponizing and harmful. And so [00:34:00] I love your question. Um,

Eddie: yeah, let’s play positive.

Chrissy: Yeah. So I mean, the ones we’ve covered a bit already, but, um, yeah, they are, they are the most responsible, the most, um, dutiful.

Chrissy: If you want something done and done well. Give it to a one type one, you know, ask a one. They’re gonna follow through. They are true to their words. Um, they’re gonna be meticulous about it, and they really care that things are done right and that they are doing right, right. Um, in the world. Yeah. Um, type twos.

Chrissy: Um, again, I shared a little bit about that. I’m a type two. So, um, hard types. They, they’re the most relational of the types. So they are connected to people. They want to be helpful to people. They wanna be supportive to people. Um, they’re the person you can call when you’re having a really rough day, right?

Chrissy: They wanna, they wanna be supportive and loving and caring and empathy comes very naturally to too. So they can naturally feel [00:35:00] what you feel. They might struggle to feel what they feel. But they can start really feel what you feel. Um, type threes, um, sometimes called the achievers. Um, we love a type three.

Chrissy: They’re energetic, they’re competitive, but they have fun with it. Um, they are high achievers, they are successful. They really show us how it’s done and they, they step into the world with boldness and confidence, um, that is kind of unmatched and it’s really awesome. And sometimes, you know, they say they’re faking it till they make it.

Chrissy: Um, but they are still, they’re a heart type and they have tenderness where they are. Really concerned about people and connections and so they kind of thread that needle of, of having really good personal success, but also wanting that for others and supporting others well. Mm-hmm. Um, type fours type fours are probably the most emotional of the types, but.

Chrissy: Not the most emotive. So type fours are gonna feel their [00:36:00] feelings a lot. They’re gonna kind of do it on their own. Um, but they are the ones who can go to any depth of feeling with you, right? None of that makes them uncomfortable. They don’t bat an eye at any hard feeling or anything you could say. They can take it and they can go there with you.

Chrissy: Um, so, you know, in a time of crisis. To have just the empathy of the type four is, is really, really impactful. Um, and they’re often very creative. They can be artists and musicians because they really can, they touch into the depth of life in a really special and unique way. Um, type fives, type fives are gonna have the.

Chrissy: Information, the data, the, um, the research to back decisions. They’re gonna be the ones that are probably gonna know about that obscure thing that you wanna understand better. And if they don’t, [00:37:00] they’re gonna go there with you to help you understand it, and they’re gonna learn something along the way, right?

Chrissy: Mm-hmm. Um, fives are all also really, really great to confide in. They’re gonna give you, um, really. Uh, sometimes pragmatic, but really straightforward advice. Like they’re willing to, to be really honest with you, but they’re also very private type. So, you know, if you share something with them, it’s gonna be in a vault, like it’s not going to anyone else.

Chrissy: Hmm. So that’s something to treasure. Um, type six is.

Eddie: Let’s go.

Chrissy: Love of my life. Um, type sixes are, they’re often called the loyal skeptics, so there is a skeptical side of them, but they are so loyal. Um, and so if you have a six on your side, you know that they will have your back, that they will support you, that they, um, they really want to see you win, right?

Chrissy: So they’re gonna do a lot behind this. Scenes to help you. [00:38:00] Um, they can work tirelessly sometimes to their own disadvantage. They, they need to know, you know, when they, they can reel it back ’cause they, they will really go the extra mile for, for people. They’re really dedicated to helping others. Um, and they’re gonna think through what could go wrong.

Chrissy: And that is a really powerful tool. It’s really powerful to be able to see what could go wrong and think really strategically. Um, type sevens are going to, um, is that okay? That’s fine. That’s fine. Okay. Type sevens are going to make sure you have fun. They just are, when you’re around them, you’re gonna laugh, you’re gonna smile, you’re gonna enjoy your life because they’re doing that.

Chrissy: Um, they are really good at, um, planning parties and, um. Cheering you up and, um, really, you know, being what you need when you are having a down day, right? So, um, [00:39:00] everyone loves a seven. They’re just kind of the life of the party and, and they just really enjoy a life. Um, and that is something we can all aspire to do more.

Chrissy: Uh, type eights type eights are advocates. They are going to protect the underdog. They’re gonna support those in need. They are going to protect the vulnerable. Um, they are going to make sure that nobody is taken advantage of. And like I said earlier, they’re also the quickest to action. So again, like where the one might be really precise in how they get something done and they get it done really well, if you want it done fast, um, and eight’s gonna get it done and they’re gonna have a lot of impact.

Chrissy: Um, impact, I would say are. Or is a word for both ones and eights in kind of a different way.

Eddie: Mm-hmm.

Chrissy: But, um, yeah, eights are awesome and, and they’re gonna be very direct with you. They’re gonna be honest and that is definitely something to appreciate. Um, and type nines. Uh, we love a peacemaker. So the [00:40:00] type ninex is, um, really seeking to harmonize, uh, with others and even within themselves, right?

Chrissy: So they’re our peaceful friends. They’re the ones who, um, always find a way to connect with someone, always make people feel seen and heard. Uh, they’re often mediators. Because they can see all sides of something and that’s really beautiful. They’re not thinking in black and white terms and um, they can just be lovely, um, partners through life because they really are supportive to others and thinking about what others need.

Eddie: Hmm. Love it. Yeah. Um, if people hear this and they wanna connect more with you, where do they find you?

Chrissy: Yeah, so my brand is Nurtured Growth Co. Uh, you can find me on Instagram and TikTok. My website is nurtured growth co.com. And um, yeah, I’d love to help. I’d love to support. Love it, babe. This was fun.

Chrissy: Thanks for being here. Thanks. It was fun. Cheers. Cheers.

The post 001 – SNTTY Chrissy & Eddie first appeared on Goodshivers Piano.

And wondering what comes next.

I just saw a video that said:

Everything before 40 is just getting started.

And 40 – now it’s the real thing.

Lessons and Missteps

How many lessons have we learned?

How many times have we fallen on the same crack, the same misstep?

Again and again and again and again.

A New Way

And now we can come to ourself with love.

And compassion.

And grace.

And find a new way out.

It ain’t over.

Until we’re dead, it ain’t over.

The Question

So let me ask you a question today.

Do you love yourself today?

What do you say about yourself?

Because what you say about yourself matters miles and miles and miles more than what anybody else thinks about you.

The Mirror

And I’ll argue that whatever you think about yourself is mainly how you think other people think of you.

And a lot of what happens with trauma is that we end up retraumatizing ourselves again and again and again because of what we think others are thinking about us.

You live most of your life in your own head.

So if you walk into a room and 20 people all of a sudden turn and look at you, what do you think about yourself?

Are they looking at you because you’re ugly?

Are they looking at you because you’re awesome?

And so in that moment you’re fighting against yourself.

Reality Check

You have no idea what these people are thinking.

Even if they have RBF you still have no idea what they’re thinking.

They can be struggling themselves.

And likely is it that they’re stuck in their own minds.

And they’re thinking about themselves.

And they’re thinking about how they are liked or not.

And they’re just barely thinking about you.

So in that moment it really matters the kinds of things that you say to yourself.

Step One

So part of it is seeing.

Seeing what it is we’re thinking.

Because really quite often these thoughts just go unchecked.

And so our mind just says what it wants and does what it wants and then we’re swept into it.

It’s like a wave washes over.

We don’t feel like we have control of the wave.

But it’s our mind.

It’s our brain.

If I asked you to raise your hand right now, could you do it?

Of course.

We have control but we don’t take the control.

And so this is where the journey really starts.

Noticing

As we start to take control.

What that truly means is noticing.

Seeing.

Seeing what it is that our mind is doing.

And as we see what our mind is doing, then we can start to unravel it.

We can start to unwind.

But the first step is just seeing.

The Practice

So if you’re new to this, then I welcome you today to look at what it is you’re thinking day in and day out.

Whether this is writing down your thoughts in the morning – a stream of consciousness, just let it flow.

Checking in with yourself throughout the day.

Or best you can when you get triggered, whatever that is, your math, your upset, your shame, your shame, your guilt.

Trying to ask yourself:

What am I feeling right now?

What is going on?

You’ll likely, if you’re anything like me, be caught in the feeling.

It’ll be hard to actually prioritize what’s going on because you’re just caught in the emotion of it.

But the more you do this, the better you get.

And as you see what’s going on, you start to win.

Because now we’ve got that control of, oh, this is what my mind is doing.

Oh, there’s the guilt again.

Oh, this is shame.

I’m really angry right now, and I’m angry because of X, Y, and Z.

Okay.

From There

And then from there, now we can do the next step.

But before that, we can’t do anything.

If we can’t even understand what we’re thinking, I would say there’s really no way of changing.

And as soon as you know what you’re thinking, now we can do the work.

Breath

Now we can breathe to calm down.

Our breath has a lot of power, holds a lot of power.

As we calm ourselves down by breathing, throwing the air all the way across the room.

Deep breaths.

As we do that, and now we calm our systems down, now we can really start to have a conversation.

Start Line

So please notice.

Please notice your thoughts today.

Notice what you’re thinking for better or worse.

And if you tear yourself down from sun up to sundown…

If all you’re doing is saying to yourself how bad you are, and how much of a mess you are, and how much of a problem you are…

Then congratulations.

Because that’s the beginning.

You just found the starting line.

That’s the starting line.

And without that starting line, you’re actually more screwed.

Without even understanding that, you’re actually even more screwed.

So the fact that you see it is a win.

Catching It

Now you could just shame yourself about it.

Oh, I’m doing the thing again.

I suck whatever it is you’re saying.

It doesn’t help, but you can do it.

But then notice.

Oh, I just tore myself down again.

I just did it again.

There it is.

Right, so this is what’s going on in our minds.

And once we know what’s going on in our minds, now we can start to change it.

Two Steps

1. Breathing. In the moment, calming the emotion.

2. Working backwards.

Why am I like this?

Where did this come from?

Did I have somebody else in my life that was saying this and speaking these words over me?

Are these actually somebody else’s words?

Are they not even mine?

But they’ve been instilled because I’ve heard them so many times.

Replace the Words

Whose words are they?

And what words do I want to be there instead?

What’s the positive version of what I’m saying?

If the negative part is, oh, I’m a failure, I’m a problem.

Then the positive part is, I’m a success.

And I’m awesome.

Feels Fake

And as you say those positive things instead, you might feel like a fraud.

You might feel like, that’s not true.

I can’t say it.

But as you say those kinds of things, your brain starts to find ways that it’s true.

Maybe you are awesome in some ways.

How are you awesome?

Let’s look for all the ways that you are awesome.

How Your Brain Works

That’s how your brain works.

If you tell it that you suck, it’ll find proof of why you suck.

You messed this thing up, you made this mistake.

Join the club, you’re a human, you make mistakes.

But if you tell yourself that you’re awesome, now you start to notice.

Man, well, I really love my friends.

I’m a good person to be around.

I’m loyal and I’m caring.

Whatever it is, your brain starts to notice it.

New Reality

So then now you live inside that new paradigm.

That new reality.

Where you’re awesome.

Where you’re great.

And now instead of being suffocated by these negative thoughts, again and again and again, instead of being in this poisonous cloud…

You start breaking out of it.

You start breaking free.

How We Change

This is how we affect change.

This is how we become different.

This is changing mindset.

It always starts by just noticing what we’re thinking.

Just noticing what we’re saying to ourselves.

And then replacing those thoughts with nice thoughts.

The Swap

Catching the negative thing.

Oh, there’s the negative thing – there it is.

I’m gonna say something positive instead.

I’m gonna choose to say something positive instead.

Notice the Doubt

And whatever’s coming up for you right now…

If it’s, oh, I can’t do that.

Oh, this is too hard.

Oh, I can’t change.

Notice that.

Oh, my God.

My mind is telling me that I can’t change.

My mind is beating itself down.

Notice that.

Even if you can’t change it.

Notice it.

Not Truth

It doesn’t make it true just because you thought it.

Even if you can find proof, it doesn’t make it true.

We’re humans.

We’re complex.

We’re complicated.

All of us had problems.

All of us have issues.

Some of us more confident than others.

But you’re not stuck.

Even if you say, I’m stuck.

It doesn’t make it true.

You can believe it.

It doesn’t make it true.

A Practice

So I encourage you today, this week.

Write down your thoughts in the morning.

Morning pages.

From The Artist’s Way – fantastic book.

Morning pages is where you write stream of consciousness, everything you’re thinking.

Even if what you’re writing is, I’m writing down right now. I’m writing my thoughts.

Whatever you’re thinking, just write it down.

This took my negative voice from a 10 to a 2 in about 3 days.

No kidding.

Unlocking

I started seeing my thoughts.

What’s going on?

I started noticing.

And that started unlocking everything for me.

And if your brain is saying, well, I can’t do it, it’s too hard.

I don’t want to get up early.

Fine, notice it.

Oh.

My brain is telling me I can’t.

Huh.

You don’t have to believe your brain, you know.

The Reminder

You know.

Say nice things to yourself.

Say nice things to yourself.

Say nice things to yourself today.

Say nice things to yourself.

Say nice things to yourself.

Say nice things to yourself today.

The post 002 – SNTTY Pushing 40 first appeared on Goodshivers Piano.