Edge of the Sunshine

New Years Day

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 22:11:00 +0000

The New Year started off great! Our dear friend, Melissa, flew all the way from Boston to visit us over the weekend and we took her on our favorite walk through the arboretum. Ilya, sporting her unique fashion sense which included pink boots, poka dot pants, a hello kitty shirt, and very messy hair, had a blast "braiding" old pine needles in her hair!

The Chicken Pox Debate

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 19:22:00 +0000

This is NOT a post to debate the relative merits and risks of vaccines.

This is NOT a post to judge others based on their beliefs about the relative merits and risks of vaccines.

This is simply a post about my experiences over the past few days. After extensive research and discussions with Ilya's doctor, Adam and I decided not to give Ilya the Chicken Pox vaccine. I'm not here to justify that decision. It is a personal decision. Its the decision we made.

A girl in our community came down with a case of chicken pox and we figured this would be a great time to expose Ilya. Being responsible parents we informed the community that we were exposing Ilya and that we would keep her separate from the other kids until the risk of contagion had passed.

This started a slew of emails from concerned parents who informed me they did NOT want their children exposed (well, duh. I was planning on having Ilya stick her fingers in their mouths, but now that you have expressed this desire, I guess I wont). That's fine. Whatever. Parents are worried about their children. I get that.

What I don't get is what happened next.

Chicken Pox will take AT LEAST 7 days after exposure to become contagious, but I was informed in no uncertain terms that Ilya was NOT invited into common spaces starting immediately. I was sent links about how irresponsible it was for parents to expose their children to chicken pox. I was refused entry into my friend's homes because "I might be a carrier" (not possible, by the way). This is a culture of fear. This is what happens when people allow fear and conjecture to run their lives rather than research and reason. This is a SCARY place to be.

If communities are little peep holes into the world, I worry about the human race.

Ornaments

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 05:15:00 +0000

Perk #239 of living in co-housing: Group Projects

I love the idea of doing elaborate holiday projects with my child, but when it comes time to actually DO the project, I begin to feel completely overwhelmed. There is so much planning and preping and cleaning involved its enough to drive anyone to put on a holiday movie and call it a day.

This is why I love my co-housing friends. We decided that we were going to make ornaments together. So, early one morning we gathered in the common house (4 mothers and 7 kids) and together tackled the messy fun project of making dough ornaments. It was great. While I gathered the materials, my friends herded the kids. Then we all moved from child to child helping them roll the dough and punch out the designs. When the kids were done and wanted to play, I was able to take them outside while my friends cleaned up.

I think they turned out really nice.

Which ones are for me?

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 05:12:00 +0000

Ilya is not the only one interested in Solstice.

Here is Milo looking innocent. Don't let him fool you.

"Hmmm. I wonder what's in there?"

"I don't care if it's not for me. I'm opening it!"

Solstice Eve

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 04:41:00 +0000

We had a tradition growing up in my house that every Christmas eve we'd get to open one present. I remember being so excited watching the pile of gifts grow throughout the month of December, carefully shaking and prodding each gift to figure out which one would the "the one."

Now we celebrate Solstice so it made sense that Ilya would get to open one gift on Solstice eve. Being a child that lives firmly in the moment, I don't even think she remembered that there were presents under the tree for her. She immediately became fixated on the gift that she had just received in the mail. When we told her she could open one present, she grabbed it and started digging in.

The gift was from my father and all it took was one glimpse of that soft purple fabric to win her over.

Happy Solstice Eve!

Ilya

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 19:21:00 +0000

Self-Portraits

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 04:24:00 +0000

There is nothing scarier to me than self-portraits. I'm completely at ease behind the camera focusing on others, but when that camera is turned around, a fear and discomfort rise up inside of me unlike anything I have ever experienced. In an effort to constantly better myself both as a person and as a photographer, I decided to dip my toes into the waters of self portraiture today. I took these in my bathroom, using my 50mm lens at 1.8

DPP Challenge

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 19:29:00 +0000

There is something completely terrifying about taking my own picture. I can't describe it, but I feel it deep inside of me. Today, I took the first step towards fighting this problem. Here is my very first self-portrait. Don't judge. Baby steps.

co-parenting

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 05:12:00 +0000

Living in a co-housing community has many benefits from shared resources ("hey, can I get a ride to the airport?") to connection with all 60 of your neighbors. One of my favorite parts about it, though, is co-parenting.

My friend, Rachel, and her family live two doors over from me and every week we swap childcare so that twice a month we get a date! While this in itself is not that unusual - lots of people do date night swaps - there is a way of relating to the kids in a co-housing community that is deeper and more meaningful than the way you relate with even your close friend's kids.

For example, tonight was Rachel and Jonathan's turn to have a date night so Adam and I took care of their children, Ethan and Eliana. We decided to go to a chorus concert and invited our other friends in the community, Mhari her husband Craig and their two children, to join us. So, between us there were four adults (Adam, myself, Mhari, and Craig) and five children (Ilya, Ethan, Ethan, Eliana, and Leila). While we watched the concert, Adam ended up holding Leila most of the time while Ethan and Eliana cuddled up next to me. Mhari and Craig took turns sitting next to the other Ethan and Ilya...but it was a very fluid thing. Kids moving from one parent to another as the four of us worked to keep them quiet and entertained. It was co-parenting at its best.

Here is the love of my life, looking a bit tired, but handsome as ever.

This is Rachel's son, Ethan.

This is Rachel's daughter, Eliana. She really is one of the cutest kids I've ever seen. Look at those curls!
Ilya and Ethan really love each other, and they play together so nicely.

Ilya: I'm a princess
Ethan: I want to be a princess
Ilya: You can't. Only girls can be princesses!
Ethan: But, I want to be a princess, too.
Ilya: OK, fine. You can be a boy princess. The green princess

I love the way preschoolers talk and work things out!

Photography Challenge day 5

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 04:45:00 +0000

Sunset on the beach in Seattle.

Photography Challenge day 4

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 03:06:00 +0000

This is Eliana, possibly one of the cutest little girls ever. I love her curls and enormous smile, and you should hear her talk. It is so cute, it will make you melt.

Photography Challenge day 3

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 03:14:00 +0000

This is one of my favorite people in the world and her family. They asked me to take their photo for holiday cards and in 500 shots this was the only one where they were all smiling at the same time. Phew. Who knew this photography thing would be so difficult?

Photography Challenge

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 22:14:00 +0000

A blog that I enjoy reading has challenged its readers to post a new picture everyday in December and, in an effort to take even more pictures, I've accepted. In all fairness, I didn't read about the challenge until today (the 2nd) so I will have no picture on the 1st, but here is today's photo. This is my little girl swinging on her swing in 30 degree weather with no coat and a Hawaiian lei. Just because.

PEPS

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 07:10:00 +0000

When Ilya was born, Adam and I joined a PEPS group - a parent support group. Ilya was just a few weeks old when we attended our first meeting and we met fairly regularly for the first year.
After that, people started to move away and it got harder to find a time when we were all available. We have, however, managed to meet once a year for the past three years, and every time we meet, we take a picture of all the kidos. We had our annual reunion last weekend and here is what you missed:

This is Ilya's best friend, Eleanor. We did date night swaps with her family for years until they moved away last summer. Once Ilya saw Eleanore she never left her side, and Ilya, I'm afraid to say, was not the greatest influence. Observe my child encouraging her friend to climb around the OUTSIDE of the play structure.Eleanor had a new baby sister, Ingrid. Have I mentioned how much I love babies right now?

Meet Hazel. Hazel was the baby that took the longest to sleep through the night, and she is still taking it to extremes.
This next one is Maddy. Maddy is 10 days younger than Ilya, but she is 3 going on 13.And last, but not least, is Zach. The token boy who is so sweet and shy I just want to give him a big hug.I wish I had the digital images of these kids sitting on the couch. It would be so much fun to create a montage showing their development, but I don't, so here it is!

Photography

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 04:00:00 +0000

I have a really good excuse for not updating regularly this time! I have found my passion in life - something which excites me. Something I want to spend every free minute on: Photography. So, I've started a photography blog and I really hope you will all go look at it and leave me comments. I love comments. Every time I see I have a comment, my heart just lights up. Please light up my heart. I post pictures there regularly (about once a week), and to prove it, here is a sneak peek at what I am going to be posting on Monday or Tuesday.

The Torrential Threes

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 22:47:00 +0000

I never thought that I would say this, but what happened to my sweet little two year old and who replaced her with this bi-polar screeching child?

One moment we are sitting on the couch cuddling and the next she is screaming in my ear at the top of her lungs to get up and make her food NOW!!! When I ask her to use kind words, I am rewarded with a burst of fury and flailing limbs that would make the Tasmanian devil proud. This interaction usually leads to a time out with banging and massive destruction. When she calms down and the door is opened, she flings herself in my arms as if she hadn't seen me in months, cries for a minutes, and then calmly gets up to start playing with a toy she noticed in the middle of her floor. The entire interaction couldn't have taken more than five minutes, but I am completely exhausted by it. If this is what it is like to parent a teen with their violent mood swings, I honestly don't think that I'm going to make it.

First Day Of School

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 01:10:00 +0000

Today was Ilya's first day of school. Kinda. It was the official first day of school for the classroom, but new students were only supposed to go to an open house in the afternoon rather than start with the regular class in the morning. Whatever. It still counts. She got nervous. I got nervous. We brushed her hair (probably should do that more often), washed her face (ditto), and showed up right on time. I'm not going to spend time describing how wonderful I think her classroom is or how great the teachers seam to be. Rather, I'd like to talk about what it is like being a parent on the first day of school.

Having taught for so many years, I have had more first days than I can remember. I'd get nervous at every one of them. The same kind of nervous I'd get when I interview. I have this weird perception that parents were looking for reasons to dislike me and it was my job to prove to them how likable and competent I am. I still feel that way sometimes when I tutor. While its true that I walked into Ilya's classroom looking for the signs of bad teaching (TVs in the corner, hypodermic needles on the shelves), I was much more concerned about whether or not the teachers liked my child. I'm pleased to announced that they all passed the test (really, who wouldn't like Ilya?) and so did their teaching - no TVs or needles in sight.

I guess my point is that while it is a pain as a teacher to have a parent who is constantly looking over your shoulder, it is absolutely terrifying as a parent to leave your child in the hands of someone you've just met. I truly believe that teaching is a partnership and that parents and teachers MUST work together, not just so that the child can be successful, but so that trust can exist and both the parent and teacher can feel supported and safe.

Speaking of something that has absolutely nothing to do with what I've just been talking about - I am now a photographer. Truly. I've made money. Some. But I really love it. I'm making a website to showcase my work and I'll post the link for you once its ready.

Also, its 6:30 and my child has not woken up from her nap yet. This is probably a bad thing. Or, it could be a really good thing. Regardless, I'm going to let her sleep because I am just that (lazy) caring.

See the Play or BE the Play

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 15:52:00 +0000

I'm done apologizing for not updating more regularly. If you have any notion that I will ever update with any sense of regularity, than you obviously don't know me very well.

A very dear friend of mine (who is far more thoughtful and articulate than I) decided to live her life by a mission that encompasses what she is passionate about. I thought this idea was so brilliant, I immediately wanted to try it out. It turns out, defining a mission statement for your own life is tough. I haven't figured it out. What I have figured out, is the mission statement for my daughter's life, or rather what I what for my daughter's life. I will feel successful as a mother if Ilya grows up to know who she is and is strong enough to express and follow her truth in life. Another mother friend of mine wrote a blog post a while back about a little boy on a playground who was upset when his friend called him a name. His mother's response was something along the lines, "if you know that is not what you are than don't get upset by it. Be your truth." Anyway, you should read it because it is far more eloquent than I can describe it.

It is rather disconcering when you child starts to say something that you never heard before and you wonder, "who is teaching my child to say these things?" Maybe she just made it up. Regardless, one of the cutest things Ilya has started doing is jumping up and down on the couch and asking, "Do you want to SEE the play or BE the play?" To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what she is asking, but I assume she is giving me the choice of watching her jump up and down or jumping up and down myself. I'm a pretty boring mother and usually opt for option number 1, but every once and a while I mix it up and tell her I want to BE the play. This usually confuses her and leads to, "No, mama. You need to SEE the play." Not sure why the second option exists I'm not allowed to take advantage of it...

I've started gardening and think I might be hooked. Who knew digging in the dirt was so much fun? Honestly, I spend most of my time weeding, but the rewards are fresh greens that I can pick anytime I feel like it.

Remember how we were trying to buy the house we are renting? We're still trying, however, our loan officer is no longer returning our calls. This can't be a good sign.

Google

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Wed, 25 May 2011 05:22:00 +0000

Forgive my geekiness for a moment, but I just discovered the coolest thing ever!

I needed to know the colors of Linfield College (don't ask me why - its complicate) so I did what any relatively tech savvy person would do: I googled it. You will never believe what came up. It wasn't a website full of answers to my question - although that was there. It was much cooler than that...

GOOGLE ITSELF ANSWERED MY QUESTION! It sifted through the website, found my answer and put it at the top of the results. I didn't even have to open a web page.

Is it absurd that I think this is so incredible? I don't care if it is. Google, I am impressed.

feelin' down

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Tue, 03 May 2011 05:31:00 +0000

Remember 7 years ago when you wanted a loan. The bank was all, "How much do you want?" and you were all "I dunno. $300,000?" Then then the bank was all, "Only $300,000? Why don't you make it an even $500,000?" and you were all, "$500,000! Sure!" Then the bank was all, "Wait a minute. You promise you can pay this back?" and you were all, "um..." Then the bank was all, "Just kidding. I'm sure you're good for it!" and you got your money and everyone was happy. I guess everyone was happy until this whole recession thing.

My point is, getting a loan for a house now is, quite possibly, the most frustrating experience of my life. Its worse than being audited (not that I would actually know, knock on wood). Now, the bank is all, "give us every piece of financial documentation you can find, including some that probably doesn't exist and never did. Oh, and by the way, what is this charge for $35 on your credit card bill for Thai food last Thursday? Do you really think you should be spending money like that when you are asking us for a loan? Just something to think about. We're watching everything you do!"

Meanwhile, while the bank is busy pouring through my receipts and bemoaning the fact that I haven't yet produced proof that x amount of dollars that was spent on gas was actually used for business driving, I keep getting more bad news about the house we want to buy. Things I should probably not be discussing on a public forum. The whole process is so discouraging.

customer service

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 22:04:00 +0000

I never thought I'd say this, but I am sick of American customer service. I long for the days of German customer service which consisted of a very frank and clear, "you are not worth my time. I am hanging up on you now, and if you call back I will continue to berate you in German, mocking your lack of understanding while simultaneously refusing to do anything that might even remotely be helpful!" At least they were honest. The fact that I didn't speak German fluently was instant cause for them to refuse to help me in any way, but they were honest about, and I appreciate that.

Recently, I have had two customer services experiences that were so underhandedly rude that I just wanted someone to tell me to my face to "fuck off." Is that asking too much?

We are trying to get a loan to buy a house. We have diligently sent in every scrap of information that was requested. We were assigned a loan officer three weeks ago. I called said loan officer 4 times before she bothered to get back me to let me know that they needed yet another piece of information. I immediately provided that information...and waited...and waited....

I called loan officer again. No response. Again. No response. Again. No response. Almost a week later, I called one last time (very politely) threatening to look elsewhere. No response. My messages were never rude. All I wanted was information. I finally did look elsewhere, and guess who finally called me back?

My second customer service debacle was in all honesty, completely my fault, but its the TONE that pisses me off. I decided to donate blood and used the online form to request an appointment. I accidentally requested the appointment for 4/20 instead of 4/30, and received an email kindly requesting me to clarify the time I wanted as "today is 4/21 and we have nothing available for 4/20..." Fine, I can appreciate how difficult it might be a write an email to someone who is requesting an appointment for a day that has already passed, but COME ON! I'm not stupid. I know that you obviously don't have anything available for YESTERDAY!!!. I responded with my "clarification" and asked for an appointment on 4/30. This was the response:

"Ms. Eivy,
Thank you, unfortunately the Central Seattle Blood Center is only open Monday-Friday. Would you like to try another day and time?"

Now, I have a tendency to read too much into emails, but is this not the most passive aggressive, "you're completely idiotic!" email ever?

I'm sure they were just trying to be nice when faced with such a "stupid" person, but the whole thing makes me never want to donate blood again!

I'm sure at this point, you are all thinking that I have completely lost my mind, and you are probably right, but this is my blog, and I am allowed.

Growing Roots

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 05:08:00 +0000

Maybe it was in response to nearly a year of traveling. Maybe it was the thought of leaving the support that we've become accustomed to. Maybe it was the people, but whatever the reason, Adam and I (rather rashly) decided to make an offer on the house that we are currently renting. I say, "rather rashly" because its actually pretty unlikely that we will have the money to back up this offer. We are facing TWO huge hurtles to our purchasing of this house: 1) we are independent contractors, which, if you work in a bank or know anything at all about bankers, means "ha ha ha HELL NO!" and 2) the house we want to buy has a huge defect in the foundation, which again roughly translates to, "ha ha ha HELL NO!". We're trying, but as more and more doors close in my face, I'm beginning to feel more and more depressed.

To add to this meloncally mood, I attended a business meeting today and nearly burst into tears right in the middle of the discussion. This should come as no surprise to those of you that know me well. I cry when I burn dinner much less at an important business meeting, but none the less, the atmosphere at the meeting was so tense and negative that I just wanted to run from the room and cry. The confusing part was that when I did run from the room, I ended up (almost) crying on the shoulder of best friend who lives in the community two doors down. So, not only is this community the source of my discontentment, it is the source of my comfort. What the hell do I do with that?

I feel so hopeless about the way things are done here, but so grateful to have these wonderful people in my life. It just makes everything so confusing. After the meeting, I hosted dinner. Half the people who said they were going to show up didn't so I basically ended up $40 in the hole and spent 4 hours cooking and cleaning, but just when I was starting to despair, one of my other community member friends showed up with two partial bottles of wine (which I happily finished for him). Do you see what I mean about being conflicted? The things that I love and hate most are all the same!

This is a depressing post. It needs a pictures. Here is one.

Ilya is dressing herself. She's awesome at it. Clearly.

Here are some more: I just finished directing a (very) short show involving puppets. I was so stressed out. I kept thinking, "my show is going to suck," "I am going to suck," "what business do I have trying to go back to theatre after all these years?" but it was awesome. My show rocked. My actors rocked. I take very little credit, but I am thrilled with the way it turned out, and, you know the only people who showed up to watch it, were people from my community. AGGG!
I just looked at my title. This was supposed to be a post about my garden. Oh well. For another time. I planted a garden. Its awesome. I'll share more later. In the meantime, I'm going to bed and hoping the world makes more sense tomorrow.

Its a good thing kids are such bad liars

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 04:11:00 +0000

Ilya has discovered that her words hold incredible power. She can melt a persons heart by saying, "I love you," and "You're my best friend in the whole world." She can crush a person by saying, "I don't love you," and "go away!"

For reasons that are only fathomable to a two year old, she uses this power on me more than anyone else. I probably get about twenty, "I love you's" in a day but two or three, "I don't love you, mama's," in a day as well. Every time she says this, I feel like I've been punched in the gut. Which is what she wants. Not because she is mean, but because she needs to hear that I love her, or she wants to see what kind of reaction she can cause. Whatever the reason, I've gotten very good and keeping a passive face in the midst of these crushing words.

Besides, I have a secret. Every night, Ilya climbs in bed with me and presses her body so close to mine that I can't move an inch without crushing her. I don't mind in the least. It betrays her truth more than her words ever do.

My Perfect Community

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 05:14:00 +0000

Adam and I have been talking a lot recently about what our perfect community would look like. Its difficult to describe and even more difficult to visualize because some of the good things that we want simply cannot exist without the bad things that we don't want. Its all about finding that perfect balance.

For those of you that don't know, we currently live in a co-housing community in West Seattle. This means that our home is one of 23 homes that were all built around a common path. We walk this path to get to things like each others homes and the common house. The common house is a giant house in the middle of the community that serves as our social hub. We have meetings there, do laundry there, eat meals together there, and hold events there. It includes a play room for little kids, a giant kitchen, a giant dining/socializing area, a sunroom, a laundry room, a kids room (different from the toddler room), a bike storage area, storage, and an office. It is, essentially, the heart of the community.

In addition to participating in the social events at our community, we attend meetings, serve on various committees, and do work for the community.

Do I like it? The answer is complicated. I love it...sometimes. I hate it...sometimes.

Our community is broken. Most of the houses are for sale. Renters comprise about half of the people in the community and about 90% of the people that show up for social events. The owners have a lot of rules. A lot. There are rules for rules, and while I am sure that there are very good reasons for these rules, as a new member of the community, the shear number of rules is intimidating and overwhelming. If you inadvertently break a rule, people let you know it. Usually in a nice way...sometimes not. We have broken quite a few rules, including: parking two inches too far to the right, submitting a 10 day proposal that was not allowed to be a 10 day proposal, and walking up the ramp that lead to our house because it passed in front of our neighbors house. I imagine that rules are what has allowed this community to survive through a time that would have torn even the best of friends apart, but in my perfect community there would be less rules. Less rules and more open communication.

Despite all the rules and conflict, there is no way for people in my community to deal with conflict. No one to go to. No support. I attended a conflict resolution workshop at the common house yesterday and 6 other people showed up. 6 people in a community of over 50! Maybe that is the problem: too many people. No space to deal with conflict. In my perfect community, there would be fewer people - maybe 10 - and conflict resolution would be an essential part of that community.

UPDATE: I forgot the most important thing. Despite all the rules and conflict, apathy and estrangement, I LOVE MY COMMUNITY. I love my community because of the people. Some of the most interesting and amazing people live in my community. I love my community for the potential that it holds - the creativity of its members - the kindness and friendship that I have been shown. Its worth putting up with all the rules and tension, if for no other reason, than to be around these wonderful people. Most of them anyway :)

Adam thinks that his perfect community would live in a group house and share a common kitchen. I'm undecided. I like having my own space, but I also think that a common kitchen would encourage intimacy that doesn't exist in our community. People would be forced to interact and deal with each other. On second thought, I like the common kitchen idea. In my perfect community, there would be a common kitchen (though, if I'm dreaming of a perfect community, my family would get its own small kitchen just for us).

So, to sum up: My perfect community -
1) less rules more communication
2) conflict resolution essential part of interactions
3) about 10 people living in one house
4) everyone would be involved in everything - rule by consensus

OK, there it is. Who wants to join and buy a house with us - preferably something looking over the water - preferably you have kids Ilya's age or thereabouts? Anyway, there would be a lot of details to work out, but this is our dream. Who's in?

Happy V-Day

noreply@blogger.com (Lena) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 17:35:00 +0000

She...

Hugs me by wrapping her two arms around my neck
Obsesses about chocolate
Climbs into bed to cuddle with me every night
Laughs easily
Thinks deeply
Sings loudly
Wears the same pair of purple "lets go" pants every day
Tries new things
Loves her friends
Loves me
He...

Hugs me for as long as I need him to
Listens to me
Encourages me to define and follow my dreams
Is always trying new things
Follows his dreams
Loves Thai food and Sushi
Talks to me when times are rough until we are closer than ever
Loves his friends
Loves me

To the two most important people in my world: Happy Valentines Day. I'm so blessed to have you in my life.