Editorial Explanations

May Tend to Incriminate Me

2013-05-24T09:00:00.000-04:00

"...because it's not as if you have a whole pile of legal documents that I signed and sent to you every single year to use as evidence, right? The IRS has to get taxpayers to admit they committed fraud to get the money back, so I'm safe as long as I keep quiet!"

Also, Lois Lerner did have a lawyer -- he was the one who advised her to take the Fifth.

And there's nothing wrong with refusing to talk to the IRS -- unless, of course, you want to convince them to your side of the story....

It's Not Windy; She's Twerking

2013-05-24T08:00:00.000-04:00

Ted Rall, 5/23/13:

No, you didn't imagine it: Rall just passed off a four-panel "yo momma" joke as an editorial cartoon.

Better hope you stay vegan-skinny your whole life, Rall, or karma will be a bitch.

Anthropomorphization Gone Wild

2013-05-23T10:00:00.000-04:00

John R. Rose, 5/22/13:

Yes, the tornado is sad at the devastation it caused. But it just can't help itself!

Arrangement in Blue and Blue

2013-05-23T09:00:00.000-04:00

Ross Gosse, 5/232/13:

Never forget how to draw.

Oops, too late.

Fire Is Worse than Water, Right?

2013-05-23T08:00:00.000-04:00

A.F. Branco, 5/22/13:

Obama is clearly much worse, scandal-wise, than Nixon was.

Why, Nixon just had one measly little case of subverting the course of a Presidential election by a few plumbers!

Obama's done so many horrible things that Branco can't even explain what any of them are! And that's not even mentioning his worst sin: being President while black.

Others Say God's a Drunkard for Pain

2013-05-22T08:00:00.000-04:00

Paul Fell, 5/21/13:

Despite what your orthodox Christian sects might tell you, we actually live in a Manichean universe, where the forces of evil have as much power as those of good, and God is neither omniscient nor omnipotent.

Fell's clergyman might be having words with him this Sunday....

Let's Have Us an Old-Fashioned Witch Hunt!

2013-05-21T08:00:00.000-04:00

Bill Day, 5/16/13:

When the news is full of lurid stories about the scandals your guy and his hired guns caused, the only thing to do is to attack the messenger.

(I've written basically the same thing a dozen times here at least: "those bad, bad media folks!" cartoons indicate that the cartoonist's side has been taking a shellacking, and he can't think of anything of substance to contradict it.)

I Don't Got To Show You Any Stinking Badges!

2013-05-20T11:00:00.000-04:00

Steve Benson, 5/19/13:

Every single organization with "Tea Party" in its name -- with no exceptions -- is an evil astroturf organization directly controlled by the fiendish Koch brothers, aimed to destroy democracy forever and install Jeb Bush as Dictator-for-Life.

Therefore, absolutely any means -- constitutional, fair, honest, or not -- used to battle those organizations is completely acceptable.

Everybody Has To Believe In Something

2013-05-20T10:00:00.000-04:00

Clay Bennett, 5/18/13:

Sure, Bennett's guy is looking awfully buffoonish and incompetent this week, with three major scandals bubbling...but those other guys are stupid doody-heads whose moms still dress them!

So there!

That's The Way to Do It!

2013-05-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

Stephen Rustad, 5/17/13:

Every employee of every organization -- no matter how big or far-flung -- always does exactly what the highest boss of that organization wants at that precise moment, and never anything else.

And Rustad clearly works at home and has never seen an office in his life.

(Also, check out the trainwreck sentence that begins "I, Eric, the holder of the Obama's virtue". The Obama's? Virtue? He's aiming for a "Holder" pun and missing the entire side of the barn along the way.)

The Art of Saying "Nice Doggie"

2013-05-20T08:00:00.000-04:00

A.F. Branco, 5/17/13:

The current round of Obama scandals are not the product of overzealous underlings running riot, as the administration would have you believe. They're not even caused by sinister political maneuvering by Obama and his high-ranking cronies, designed to crush their partisan enemies, as Fox news commentators are insisting.

No, it's purely what "big government" will always do, and can't be stopped until that government is utterly dismantled.

Anarchy now!

Zero Tolerance

2013-05-09T08:00:00.000-04:00

Gary Varvel, 5/8/13:

Minors should not be allowed to do anything until some magical age when they can suddenly do everything, just to make things simpler for editorial cartoonists who don't understand subtleties.

Also, you can stop teenagers from having sex by telling them not to. Ask your parents how well that works.

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Surfboard

2013-05-08T08:00:00.000-04:00

Nate Beeler, 5/7/13:

Yes, that's right -- if retailers are forced to collect taxes on Internet purchasers (buyers are already required to pay those taxes; we're just all lawbreakers), the entire system of online commerce will crumble to pieces, leaving the Internet as the intellectual playground it was in 1995.

And that would be horrible!

Radical Mercantilism Run Amok!

2013-05-06T08:00:00.000-04:00

Bob Gorrell, 5/3/13:

It gets worse! That same girl can walk into stores around this great country of ours and buy many things without parental approval!

In many states, she could even buy My First Gun!

The solution is clear: all Americans under the age of 18 must have parental permission to do every single thing.

The Inalienable Right of All Americans To Cheat the Government

2013-05-03T12:00:00.000-04:00

Chip Bok, 5/2/13:

Governments run magically, with no need from tax money from their citizens. Therefore, there's nothing wrong with breaking the law and dodging taxes.

Basil Wolverton Swipe Theatre Presents

2013-05-03T11:00:00.000-04:00

Ken Catalino, 5/2/13:

We shouldn't prosecute terrorists who bomb our cities, since that just wastes resources to try and then jail them. Instead, we should just deport them as soon as they explode their bombs.

Or is Catalino implying that there's some larger group, that he considers all "terrorists," that he wants deported?

If You Don't Kick 'em Out Now, They'll Think They're Equal!

2013-05-03T10:00:00.000-04:00

Chuck Asay, 5/2/13:

Straight boys have no sexuality, of course -- only those icky gay boys do. So kicking out gay scouts once they're honest and forthright enough to admit it -- as scouts are trained to be -- will keep all thoughts of sex out of the minds of Boy Scouts forevermore.

Push Polling

2013-05-03T09:00:00.000-04:00

Mike Lester, 5/2/13:

The rest of the survey, revealed!

Q2: Do you think criminals who commit murder will stop if you ask them nicely?

Q3: Do you think criminals who steal cars will be deterred by a stern talking-to?

Q4: Do you think criminals who build risky financial derivatives and crash the economy to make billions for themselves will submit to self-regulation if Ben Bernanke looks at them with a scowl?

Q5: Do you think it makes sense to have any criminal laws whatsoever, since criminals are always, by definition, breaking them?

You Can Also Buy Drugs That Kill Bacteria and Viruses Inside of You

2013-05-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

Tim Hartman, 5/2/13:

If you're not too young to get pregnant, you're not too young to give birth -- and, besides, if we don't force sluts to have their shame babies, how can we keep control of our womenfolk?

A Feast for Crows, Indeed!

2013-05-02T09:00:00.000-04:00

Chuck Asay, 5/1/13:

Collecting taxes from customers -- not paying them directly, just doing what the law requires and passing them along to the authorities that provide roads, police, fire-fighting, and other useful goods -- is a horrible, evil imposition on that massive sector of the US economy, the "Mom and Pop Internet business."

I also have a bridge available at a very attractive price.

(And does Asay seriously think that there's a federal sales tax?)

Why Can't Gay People Stay in the Closet Where They Belong?

2013-05-02T08:00:00.000-04:00

Scott Stantis, 5/1/13:

Tim Tebow received absolutely no attention -- and certainly no book or endorsement deals -- due to his very public identity as a Christian.

Nope, none. He's exactly as famous as a mid-rank quarterback who can't stay on a team should be.

The World Is a Grumpy Little Lady

2013-05-01T08:00:00.000-04:00

Paul Fell, 4/30/13:

We don't want to invade Syria, goodness knows! But the whole rest of the world is insisting that we march right in and clean things up, the way we did in Iraq and Afghanistan!

So, gee golly, I guess we'll just have to do it!

Let Them Eat Cake

2013-04-29T14:00:00.000-04:00

Chuck Asay, 4/26/13:

In the US today, you can live a life of ease entirely on the government dime -- there are no Clinton-imposed means-tests or benefit limits, and single men in bathrobes apparently benefit greatly from Temporary Assistance for Needy Families.

In other news, cigarette trees and streams of liquor abound just outside, on the Big Rock Candy Mountain.

Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Quit Drinking

2013-04-29T13:00:00.000-04:00

Dana Summers, 4/26/13:

Those air traffic controllers! They're so lazy and do so little work that when a few of them are forced to take a day off, the entire air travel infrastructure falls apart!

It's funny!

Say It, Don't Spray It

2013-04-29T12:00:00.000-04:00

Michael Ramirez, 4/26/13:

If Obama is not on the air saying the word "terrorist" within miliseconds after an incident, then the terrorists have won.

Except when it's not terrorism, like the Texas explosion -- if Obama had called that terrorism, it would have shown that he's dangerously out of touch.