electromagnetic pulse

MMeO. Permanent alterations.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 00:27:00 +0000

In two days I will venture into permanent change. Or at least, that's what they tell me.

I have an appointment at Ronni Kolotkin, the premiere choice for electrolysis, the only method for safe, permanent hair removal. Normally I don't go for the expensive stuff like this, but a friend of mine turned me on to it by giving me the low down on tweezing, which has over the years helped me to cultivate from the one or two perfectly-common-for-women-to-have stray hairs on my face, a small colony.

So off I go for a consultation as to what will be the best course of electrolysis action and then poof! Actually, there's no poofing. There are needles involved! Never fear, it's rumored similar to acupuncture, which is actually a kinda cool sensation.

More on that next week.

open studio 11.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 01:15:00 +0000

With Arvo Pärt I realize why I have a rule about practicing without music.

Music allows me to be indulgent. I dance without thinking nearly. I do compose to the music, but without continuity or the promise of performance --the creation occurs between me and the music and leaves an audience out in the cold. It remains too personal to be shared. Why does music release this intimacy?

I do not know. I am affected --as are we all-- very strongly by sound perhaps because I am unable to interact with it in a productive way that would then be able to provide me with the comfort of some control. No, instead all I can do is follow --which is why music or sound lightens the burden of many a task, mostly those requiring a consistency in mood and focus. On the other hand, this is why choreographing to music is painfully difficult - because I am bound by it, unable to think or generate ideas, riding its emotions like a raft.

open studio 10.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 01:12:00 +0000

It's a semi-open studio. I'm here and the chairs are out-- but I'm also exhausted and cannot comment today. I suppose those days happen too.

MMeO. Makeup results.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 00:11:00 +0000

Well, the makeup went largely unnoticed, which is probably a good thing.

Friend 1 started ever so slightly when she saw my face, which I learned later was partly a moment of comparison dismay in the face of my dressier-than-usual appearance, where she wore comfortable jeans and a hoodie - looking very pretty, I must say, albeit not "fancied" for a night out.

Friend 2 I made the mistake of giving advance notice of the presence of the makeup and so all she noticed was the mascara and lipstick (barely), which wouldn't be so bad except that she's well exercised in face fashion and if mine were actually working to enhance, I think she would have noticed. It must be time for the visit to a professional!

I am going to set up an appointment with a makeup consultant at MAC cosmetics (the choice determined by the introduction - a friend of mine knows this guy). I'm of course super curious to see what colors he chooses for me - I can't really figure it out myself because while I have ivory pale skin, I have freckles, and where I have a blue undertone in my skin, my eyes waver between blue and green and, again, I have freckles. I am a pale/blue base with rosy/warm spots. Lovely. Browns are too brown, pinks are too pink. And I'm completely incapable of choosing the proper in-between. Also, I've never learned how to put the darn stuff on correctly. It is not easy, in case you weren't sure.

MMeO. Makeup.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 15:05:00 +0000

I am by no means through transforming my wardrobe, and transforning my body, while certainly in-progress -and I am thrilled that "working out" (weights + cardio - "aerobics" is so 80's) in my 8x6 living room space is a actually a completely acceptable way (given my limited budget of money + time) to keep my spirits high and my body getting stronger and with more calcuable + therefore preventable strain on my knees than dancing- is years from being complete (while all of the components of appearance take effort on my part, the change to my way of life is greatest through "body" habits). All this to say I am moving on to include in my daily efforts the application and wearing out in public of... makeup.

Tonight I am going to a exhibition talk at apexart where curator Robert Punkenhofer's A Way Beyond Fashion exhibition just opened on Wednesday. A close friend is joining me, and later we may meet up with another dear friend, and then possibly even crash my boyfriend's fashion strike pub crawl, where all of his friends know me too. I am anxiously anticipating their reactions to my altered state of face. I worry that, for once not having followed the advice of anyone, my makeup is all wrong. My apartment has wretchedly spotty lighting (normally a beautiful thing) and while I think the makeup turned out ok, it still looked too much to me. I have a freckled and uneven complexion, so adding foundation, powder, blush, and eye shadow --oh yes, and mascara-- is a bit of a shock. I feel very... ivory. (That's the name of the foundation shade.) And now some guy on the train is trying to name all the states in the union in an effort to pinpoint first the midwest and second the state in the midwest from which I admit to have hailed. Um... WHY is this dude talking to me?!!! And when I say dude, I mean it in a categorical way. Hrrm. It can't possibly be the make-up...

Well I don't think that's it, but now I've completely lost my train of thought and have in the meantime arrived at my destination and (woah, that's vito acconci over there!) am waiting for my first friend of the evening, noticing that my lip gloss has dried up.

MMeO. Wearing it on my sleeve.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 15:01:00 +0000

Slowly and over the past several months I have been learning the clothing lessons. I spend a good deal more time browsing sales (online mostly) and worrying about not having the right shoes (I still need several more pairs) since really, shoes are critical to one's wardrobe. They have to function (absorbing shock to minimize wear + tear on the joints b/c even at my young age, they're going) and show flair (b/c it is so easy to be outlandish in one's shoes without making others uncomfortable about one's excessive fashion statement). I have spent more money than comes naturally on new shoes + clothes and it only makes me more aware of how many articles I still lack. I can say I have been rather creative (yes even at 630AM) dressing for my new job. Now that I am desk bound, I feel freer to put together any most outfit and bolder about wearing my "nice" clothes, since there's guaranteed not to be any ladder climbing. It is also through my marked effort this summer + fall that I have even ventured into wearing skirted things. I have revived at least one old dress that may not be all together fashionable but is flattering in a classic way. The handful of dresses acquired in the search for the perfect outfit to wear to someone else's wedding have all seen daylight more than once (including the successful dress), which might be a dress wearing record for me.

But mostly I am simply learning to read everything more confidently and quickly than I did before, which makes me both more at ease with other people's appearance and attire and also anxious about not living up to my own potential in outfit-making. And also my drive to look more grown up and sophisticated is fading. In part because I find whatever feelings of confidence I gain are troubled by lurking shadows of falseness. Perhaps also because I can associate this type of dress only with work and scheduled commitments, which are not bad, but feel constricting.

So here I am, missing my days of denim + tees, but making "progress" nonetheless.

FMiH. Athens Square Performance.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 11:58:00 +0000

Click to Play

A few moments from our performance yesterday in Athens Square Park. Enjoy!

open studio rules.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 15:11:00 +0000

I am republishing the guidelines for my practice both to keep them fresh in mind and to bring in a new perspective through some minor amendments. Check out the original post.

My art is fleeting and I am working in celebration of that. Here are the "rules" for my process:

Objective
Reconnect with the unique body performing.

Rehearsal practice
- rehearse weekly, but do not restrict yourself to a specific duration (a practice can last 15 minutes or several hours)
- do not video/audio/photo document these rehearsals
- warm up with music, practice without it
- never use a mirror
- if you can't get studio time, use your living room
- write your thoughts during rehearsal (and post the notes here)
- put out seating for viewers (using placeholders if no chairs are available)
- open your doors to anyone who wants to watch you rehearse and offer q+a time at the end
- perform as often as possible in as many different environments as possible
- include these notes in programs

open studio 9.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 14:57:00 +0000

Dancing at home. It's my first session at home -not in the living room as anticipated, but the office, complete with carpet and cat toys.

Saturday morning and I am still in my pajamas, dancing and sweating (like crazy! no AC here) like it were an everyday thing.

I am dancing for my "audience" of two: one white chair with brightly mulit-colored cushion and one stern-looking stool. It is difficult to perform for them in part because they blend into the background, this environment I know so well. This room that shudders under each powerful shift of weight...

It's also nearly impossible to get "serious" this morning because, of course, I am in my pajamas. And how delicious to move "simply" (instead of "seriously"), without thought or design, just to feel the flow of action in my body.

Now that the living room is free, I am going to dance there for a while, and then go get a massage.

FMiH. Astoria Park performance.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 12:37:00 +0000

Click to Play

Here are a few brief excerpts from our first performance at Astoria Park.

open studio 8.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 02:38:00 +0000

Today, I cheated. But good things came of it, so I am allowing myself one day with broken rules.

I did not dance without music, but I did think of a great idea for my open studio visitors. Starting in September when I will officially invite everyone to come watch me practice, I will ask folks to bring in a piece of music that they know very well for me to dance to, hopefully having never heard it before, but that's not a requirement. In the same way that I like to affect the way we experience silence when I am dancing, I would like to know how others experience something "equally" familiar through the "strangeness" of my dancing (though to many friends, my dancing is no longer an unknown, it too is something with which we can grow familiar --turning to fondness or boredom).

I was very tired in the studio today, which is why I let the music continue. I hardly warmed-up, in the traditional sense, spending instead twenty minutes "merely" sinking into the floor. This is my absolute favorite thing to do in the studio. I lie on my back in a relaxed position, arms and legs dangling straight from their sockets. My muscles and bones wrap around the floor, which I hardly even notice because all the pesky thoughts of the day and week are flooding out into my head. And I let them. It's such a relief to take the time to notice that they're there, and then to relax as they dissipate from my mind and I start naturally to focus on my melting body.

When I am dancing, I often come up with the "best" ideas or the most lucid thoughts or the loveliest revelations. Perhaps it is the patient clearing of the mind that allows for this; perhaps it is the pulsing flow of blood from exerting myself; or perhaps it is that these are my most successful and secure moments in life, and my inhibitions are too low to prevent the ideas and thoughts from happening.

Today, I spent the hour floating. In my head, on my feet, in my arms. It was the steady 3/4 wave of the music that kept me going.

open studio #7.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:01:00 +0000

It's been a long break in between Open Studios --I am returning to my weekly practice (finally) hoping it will also help to ground me through the next stage of turmoil in my life. And my session today has been peaceful and fruitful. It's the first practice in which I've successfully "imagined" an audience and addressed their presence in my choices. Of course, I get no adrenaline rush from empty chairs, but at least I was able to focus.
When I am dancing alone in the studio, I tend to be either "boring" (meaning traditional and following pre-existing patterns) or uncharacteristically silly --which is actually not uncharacteristic at all, I just don't display that part of myself to many people and certainly not in "performance mode." Being silly is a relief. It lets in new ideas without judgment or evaluation. They are all valid and real.
I am amazed at our capacity for tuning into the body -- a sensitivity to movement and feeling on such a minute scale. Just listen closely and you'll feel it. Move with careful intention slowed to a pace that lets you feel the muscles flexing and releasing, the blood flowing, and your nerves tingling with information.
It is its own kind of dance and performance, this solo improvisation I do. It's not particularly special for being a type or genre or dance, but it's also not to be categorized with most other dances.
I'm saying this poorly. What I mean is that *I* don't imagine that I am creating a solo dance or a solo choreography. I am not trying to fit in and I am not trying to be different. The brilliant and exciting part is that I am trying just to connect to myself, o be genuinely inspired into action -whatever that action might be. I feel so alive in these moments, so selfishly and indulgently awake. I want others to share in my thrill without my having to give up any of it, without having to come down one step off my high. It is glorious and dangerous.
I think, in truth, I have been away from Open Studio these two months (!) because the energy from the May performance (about which I neglected to write for the same reason) was so strong that I needed to just ride it out before I could face the empty studio with only a fraction of that feeling available to me. It was overwhelming.

FMiH. Solos in the park.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:59:00 +0000

Click to Play

Anna and Sarah also spent some time rehearsing their solos, working out the complexities of dancing in the grass.

FMiH. Following

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:49:00 +0000

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"Following" is the section after "Repeat + solo" (see previous post). Here we see it at Astoria Park with only 2 out of 5 dancers, but hey, it's always fun to experience something new in the work!

FMiH. Repeat + solo.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:39:00 +0000

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Today we rehearsed at Astoria Park (site of our first public performance on July 19). We were down three dancers (yikes!) but made good use of the day rehearsing this section that focuses on Anna's solo.

FMiH. Chelsea floor version.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:10:00 +0000

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I asked Chelsea to create a floor sequence inspired by my phrase and here's what she came up with. We've still got some work to do with this phrase, which you'll get to see in a few weeks!

Find Me in Here. Notes from the break.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 18:16:00 +0000

After a break from rehearsal and blogging, we're recharged and getting excited for our upcoming performances.
We're still working hard to polish and finish up the piece (I keep changing and adding things up to the last second), and posting video from our last few rehearsals.
I've also asked the dancers to share some of their thoughts about the process now that we're 2/3 of the way through it, and will put their words here soon. Their experiences have indeed varied from "normal" (though is any process still the norm these days? We're all doing a variety of things) and it's informative to hear what they work through to make sense of this piece.
For me...
Searching for answers and finding them where I didn't expect them. Creating something I don't know very well or even understand. Learning from my dancers, opening my idea of movement. Recognizing, again, that the ingenuity in choreographed movement usually comes from someone else's movement, which is the beauty behind bringing together different movement voices. Loving the moment when Emily told me that this piece is about process -it's brilliant when others can see that. So curious to have an audience be part of this -you change everything by just watching, and we do so by making something for you to see. I hope they will also want to dance!!

Find Me in Here. Rough run thru, part II

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 15:50:00 +0000

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Here's the second clip of our rough draft, which starts where part I leaves off. enjoy!

Find Me in Here. Rough run thru, part I

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 15:36:00 +0000

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I put together the dance on paper, and then we tried it out in rehearsal. There are plenty of holes, but the ideas are starting to be there. This clip starts after the guiding section and anna's solo section (see the last two weeks).

Find Me in Here. Anna's solo.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 03:02:00 +0000

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Picking up where we left off last week, Anna's solo emerges from my phrase that everyone is repeating.

Find Me in Here. Guiding as opening.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Tue, 26 May 2009 19:55:00 +0000

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Here the ladies are dancing our new (and final!) opening, also known as the guiding section. We made some great progress in this rehearsal, clarifying performance attitudes and "details." My goal is to communicate cooperation and team building, and we were working on this section to make sure it is neither too internal nor too presentational/obvious/showy.

Find Me in Here. Sarah's name dances.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Tue, 26 May 2009 18:32:00 +0000

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Here are Sarah's dances in response to "Does my name represent me?" and "Do I like my name"

open studio 5.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Tue, 19 May 2009 18:16:00 +0000

Delightful! Two open studios in one day! And with an audience! What a difference they make! Dancing through my nervous excitement. Trying consciously to listen to them, to "connect" and be fine --all while composing.

I do not have the innocence of just doing what I love -of "just dancing." Ten years ago this performance would have been no less self-conscious but without such a clear expectation of entrancing my audience -though in all honestly, I think I've always danced with the desire that I was enchanting someone and so always with an eye on people's attentiveness. Always aware when they stopped to watch. Blatantly and unapologetically, the bystanders watch.

Now I have the hope and desire but also the compliments in my head --and with these comes a fear of disappointment, which disturbs the honesty/genuineness of my performance. But I need to use this to get rid of it, work through my desire to delight.

open studio 4.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Mon, 18 May 2009 23:01:00 +0000

Sleepy again today.

I had one really great run --but it was to music (which is against the rules). Why is it so important to practice in silence? Well, because I prefer performing in silence -largely because the energy between me and audience is so "loud" that I don't really "hear" music during performance anyway.

In practice, however, there is only the distraction of my thoughts, and I've been struggling with this all month. I so wish to give in, to say the music is my audience substitute, and it is but only in one respect -it guides and directs me, but then am I giving back? Can I "hear" my own decisions through the external rhythms?

Find Me in Here. Sarah's first name dance.

noreply@blogger.com (emp) — Sun, 17 May 2009 19:10:00 +0000

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Ages ago the dancers created movement sequences in response to the question "does my name represent me? is it me?". Sarah finally gets a chance to catch up.