The truth is: You have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. To really grow and expand, you have to be able to find comfort in the uncomfortable places. You have to be willing to make room inside yourself for those uncomfortable places.

When you make room for discomfort, you are right on your growing edge. It’s at that edge that we can really expand into ourselves more fully.  This may mean making yourself more vulnerable and open in a relationship. This may be changing something in your business so it will grow.  However, it does not mean doing the same thing, over and over, in a way that makes you feel secure and comfortable all the time.

It is said that everything you really, really desire is just outside of your comfort zone. It requires taking a risk, to be willing to stretch yourself. When we allow ourselves to expand in new situations we increase our capacity for the unknown, which prepares us for amazing things to come into our lives.

I know people who want to stay in their home-towns, doing the same things with the same people, and resist the idea of any unknown situations. However, when we do this we actually block ourselves from receiving what is really out there for us, including unlimited amounts of prosperity.

If you are truly desiring success as a woman you require to get out of your comfort zone and step into a new place of growth.

Growing requires us to try new things and to get uncomfortable.  At Elegant Femme we invite you to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Complete the below exercise and s-t-r-e-t-c-h beyond your comfort into the possibilities of the unknown.

Here is an exercise for your Femmes:

Answer the following (this may seem simple… trust me it will open you up to a new place)

List 5 things you have always wanted to do/try but have not yet attempted

1.)
2.)
3.)
4.)
5.)

Circle the one that makes you the most uncomfortable.

Which one of your FemmeTypes is desiring this new change? _______________

What would it feel like to actually DO that 1 new thing? ______________________

What are you ready to experience? __________________

I invite you to step OUT of your comfort zone and INTO the prosperity, pleasure, and true balance that is waiting for you.

We so often want to give all of ourselves. While this desire to give comes from a beautiful space, we can often OVER provide, or OVER give. On the flip side we may be too closed off with other people, having very rigid, closed boundaries.

It’s important to establish healthy boundaries. Having healthy boundaries allows for being both open while setting limits that help fully integrate ourselves. Without boundaries, we are lost, and this can take away from us stepping fully into our own truth and beauty.

Setting boundaries assists us in so many ways. It gives us permission to say YES and NO. It serves to strengthen our core and our natural essence. It gives us the ability to actually give more to ourselves. Setting clear boundaries allows us to give more of our true selves and enjoy our lives to the fullest.

Boundaries help assist in so many areas.

• relationships (mother/father, children, spouse/partners, friends)
• business
• money
• our body and personal care
• our sense of ease and joy in the world
• self-love and acceptance

As you begin to expand further into yourself and your own power, creating and establishing boundaries becomes essential. Boundaries and personal truth go hand-in-hand. When you allow yourself to get clear about your boundaries, you will also then be allowing yourself to step into a place of beauty and authentic sensuality. This is where true expansiveness really begins.

At Elegant Femme, we have a special process that teaches HOW to have healthy boundaries. We call this process The Sensual Circle. The Sensual Circle is about creating boundaries from a space of no guilt, no shame, and in a way that will help you improve your relationships.

The #1 mistake woman make when it comes to boundaries is that we expect other people to follow our boundaries and we put the responsibility in their hands. We expect them to respect the boundary. This is wrong. It is our responsibility to respect the boundary and it has NOTHING to do with the other person.

Now take a moment and write down below what is one place in your life that you know you require to set a healthy boundary.
________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Now ask your Indie for guidance, “Who is it you require to BE to respect that boundary?”___________________________ ______________________(i.e maybe your Indie says strong, passionate, trustworthy)

Now ask your New Yorker “what is it I can DO to insure I respect that boundary?” ________________________________________________________________(i.e. maybe your New Yorker says stop complaining, do it yourself, don’t call that person etc)

Finally ask your Frenchie, “what will I have the freedom to ENJOY when I chose to respect this boundary?” ________________________________________________________________(i.e perhaps your Frenchie says enjoy my family, enjoy putting my kids to bed, actually enjoy my clients etc)

Let’s take a look at what we do as women together that actually stops us from fully investing in our lives in a way that pleases us, and then in turn create the results that we are actually desiring.

For a moment reflect on the following questions:

*How invested am I in feeling good in my life?
*How invested am I in living my purpose?
*How invested am I in my relationships?
*How invested am I in allowing my FemmeTypes to be in sync?

Now right away you are going to notice a pull in either one or for some of us, a lot of those questions. There is a truth inside that says, well…I really could be more invested.

I have found throughout my life that whatever area of my life I really want to see improvement in, I require to become really invested in it. Here is the thing-it is also the area of our life that we will resist like crazy and then complain about because nothing is happening. Do you know what I mean?

I have had this realization myself lately. There has been a specific area of my life, one thing in fact, that has been calling to me and speaking to me since before I created Elegant Femme and I have done almost NOTHING about it. I pretended I was invested in it, but truthfully I was scared and I made up some great excuses about how it wasn’t the right time, what if it didn’t work, what if it was a waste of money, on and on.

Well if I continue to create from the courageous space that has been coming through me that is going to change and I will share something with you at Elegant Femme Integration.

So what can we do about this? The first thing is to understand where you really require to BE invested, what is really calling for your attention. NOT THE THING YOU THINK YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO INVEST IN-the things you KNOW deep down inside is calling you.

Look again at the questions below

*How invested am I in feeling good in my life?

How often do you ask yourself if you feel good throughout the day? How often are you committed to making choices that feel good to you? Notice your emotional response here and see if this feels right to invest more of your energy in. And when I say energy I am talking about all types of energy: time, emotion, money, commitment, purpose, journaling, intentions.

*How invested am I in living my purpose?

What was the last thing you did to ensure you were living on purpose?  Are you saying YES to your purpose? Purpose is not just about finding the exact “right” thing to DO with your life, purpose is about allowing every activity you partake in to have purpose and meaning to you.

*How invested am I in my relationships?

This one gets me, I can feel that I would like to be more invested in my relationships. My relationship to my boys, also my relationship to my friends and the women in my life that mean a great deal to me. I have felt this pull this year and have allowed myself to focus more energy and investment in this direction. In fact my oldest son and I are going to be going on a surfing expedition for 3 days just the two of us at the end of April. It was a large investment in time, in money, in emotion ( I am petrified of sharks;) and I KNEW I required to allow this into my life.

*How invested am I in allowing my FemmeTypes to be in sync?

This is so important to us as women, truly I am sane because of my Femmes. I am constantly learning and growing with them, expanding through their power, their complexity and their grace. Are you committed every day to be in sync with your FemmeTypes? Do you know your Frenchie is requiring your investment? What about your Indie and your New Yorker? The FemmeTypes represent a whole you, if you are not invested in the whole of who you, you will feel like something is missing.

I invite you to review the above and choose one area of your life that you are committed to investing in.  Then, go to our Facebook page and share it with me. Once you voice your commitment and fully show up you will find your creative source opening up to support you.

Enjoy the investment.

Have you ever heard any of these voices?  Most women have. I know I have.  You know,  we make a mistake thinking that as we grow and as we expand as spiritual beings that we will no longer have any negative voices that go on in our heads.  We then in turn judge ourselves for having the voice and say “See I knew it, you can’t handle it.”

The more I grow on my journey and the more I come in contact with powerful and successful women the more I understand that this doesn’t go away.  It is how you respond to it that sets you apart.

The way I respond to this voice,  and the way I teach women in the Elegant Femme community, is a process called the Faux Types.  We will be going deep into this at Elegant Femme Integration, and for now this is what I want to share with you so you can feel supported when this voice shows up.

First of all, don’t beat yourself up for the voice being there.  Hear it (this can be the toughest part) and ask it, “What it is trying to protect me from?”  Once you know that , you will feel a sense of compassion for the voice and gift yourself the ability to connect with what fear is really coming up for you.

As women we feel we are on this journey alone and that no one else has the thoughts we do, or the failures, or the weak moments and so we put ourselves into solitude and take on the “I can do it all by myself”  attitude.

This is not going to serve you as a woman and you will end up feeling alone and resentful, bitter and sad…I know I tried it

When the voice that shows up and says, “You can’t do it, you are not enough”, simply thank it for coming. Slow down, feel the feelings and hear the voice.  Ask it “What are you trying to protect me from?”  And then listen, feel the fear and take a deep sensual breath and then decide to allow support into your life… a mentor, a book, an event.

And know that the voice is there trying to protect you, not to hurt you. However,  it is up to YOU to decide to move through it, show up, and live the life you desire.

As women we are always looking for secrets on how to make things happen. We look for the latest diet, the latest strategy to find our true love and even the latest beauty cream to get rid of wrinkles (me too by the way;)

As much as I love to find new ways of doing things and look for the short cut on what is going to make things more successful, I have to admit this simple truth can not be ignored.When I heard years ago that showing up was 98% of success, I doubted it a bit.  I mean how could you just show up and expect things to happen?  After years of not fully showing up I decided to give it a try.

Now let me first start by defining what showing up means, and how I really I define it.Showing up means taking a step in the direction of your deepest desires and allowing yourself to be visible.  Simply put it’s like wearing a big YES sign that everyone can see. When you show up your actions speak louder then your words.

                                          

It is not the IT factor, not FEAR factor, not even the S-factor. I am talking about the YES factor. That is right, the YES factor. This is something I believe in with all my heart. You know it is easy for us to say yes to life when things are going well. We find ourselves in a place of peace and least resistance and we naturally flow through life. Opportunities open up and everything feels well…just right.

But what about the times when you really want to say NO? What about the times when things are not going your way? When your programs do not succeed? When your children are upset? When you are not truly communicating with your spouse? Or even when your body doesn’t look exactly the way you want. What then? How do we as women still say YES? How do we connect with the YES factor?

First you need to understand what NO actually does. Right now, take a moment and say NO. What happens? You feel tight, you feel protective, you even feel threatened.
This feeling is not comfortable for anyone, now do not underestimate the power of saying NO. There are absolutely circumstances where we require to say NO. When we over commit, require healthy boundaries etc. But I am not talking about that. I am talking about saying YES to yourself.

Think about how many times during a day you tell your self no. No I can’t do that, no that is not possible, no I shouldn’t eat that, no, no no. How exhausted are you?

I invite you to practice saying YES, for a whole week. I know you can do it.

This will build your self confidence, your self worth AND you will be surprised at what is really possible for you in your life. I love saying YES, I love watching a woman say YES to herself, and YES to her life.

There are many many ways you can say YES in your life, I’d love to hear how YOU are saying Yes in yours!

Well, you will never get it of you don’t allow yourself to say it! And it is much closer and much more attainable then you think. There are so many things we can desire in our lives.
In this article, I want you to focus on the LIFESTYLE pieces you have been craving.

Make a list of specific desires you have for your lifestyle. Here are some examples that were on my list. Your list may be quite different, that is ok-just make sure it resonates with your desires, and don’t hold back.

*Have some one else do the laundry, and iron it
*Hire a chef
*Have fresh flowers in the house daily

1) Now make a list of your own, I recommend a minimum of 3-5 things. Pay attention to what feels expansive.

2) Take a look at the list and see what you can do NOW to make it happen. This is where we usually stop ourselves, not because we can’t afford it, but because we feel we don’t deserve it. Here are some ideas…

*Put an add in Craigslist (for the amount you really want to pay)

*Call the local college or high school and place an add

*Call your local florist and see if they delivery weekly flowers at a special rate

The possibilities are endless, really. You need to decide if you really want the lifestyle you desire, because when you do you truly can LIVE it.

I know it is easy to put this away and not do it, but really you can have the things you desire. But you must take action and invite them into your life.

GO ahead, make the commitment now and take a step today in living the lifestyle of your dreams.

Think about the way you reacted, more then the way you reacted physically, the way you reacted EMOTIONALLY.

How did you treat yourself in the moment?  After the moment? Were you critical, judgmental, and relentless?  This is the way many of us are taught to react. The women I work with are here on purpose and they have big gifts to share with the world.  One of the common fears is “how do I keep moving forward, when I feel like I am taking a step backwards?”

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE GOING FORWARD IF YOU ASK…“HOW AM I GROWING IN THIS MOMENT?” ALWAYS.

As we grow on this journey, and as we become successful we have a certain belief that we will some day have it all figured out, that we will no longer feel pain, and that everything will be perfect.

We search for a sign that it is ok if we too still come face to face with challenges on the journey. Think about how eager our society is to see Stars with cellulite or read stories of their recent relationship dramas.

                        Here is the chateau we visited on my birthday…

Well that night after the game my 8 year old did not want to go…at all. He was very upset with me and wanted nothing to do with celebrating. We arrived at the chateau and I wanted to go to dinner. I chose a restaurant near by since I knew the boys were tired. It was a pizzeria, but hey they have good Cote du Rhone, so I thought let’s allow this to work.

Well, my 8 year old did not want to get in the car, and he is a strong boy. After much embarrassing cajoling on my part, I picked him up (he was NOT HAPPY) and put him in the car. At the restaurant he did not want to get out of the car. I took some breaths, 3 in fact, and made a decision to go into the restaurant with my other son and Dave and enjoy some pizza and a glass of wine.

As I sat in the bath that night I cried, I cried for my beautiful day that was not so pretty. I cried for the way my son must be feeling pain, and then I cried tears of joy for the opportunity to receive my intention and to really MOVE FORWARD in my life.

Here is the key to being an Elegant Femme. You must ask yourself along the way

Love,

Tara

When we find ourselves questioning our authenticity many of us start to beat ourselves up and we begin to go inward. We start comparing our results to others, we start to go into competition mode and we end up taking ourselves down a slippery slope that does NOT lead to our truth. We end up paralyzed and feeling even more like a fraud.

The number 1 thing women do not understand is…

When you begin to feel like a fraud it is because you are playing TOO small!

It is true and I know it goes against what many of us have been taught. Here are my personal steps (Yes, this feeling comes up for all of us) on what to do when this feeling begins to surface, so you can utilize the power behind it to motivate you TOWARDS your truth.

1) Recognize if you are feeling this way it is because you are playing to small

2) There is a piece of you out of sync, you MUST check in with your FemmeTypes

3) Ask the following questions:

a. What am I not allowing myself to BE? (this is your Indie)
b. What am I not allowing myself to ENJOY? (your Frenchie)
c. What am I not allowing myself to DO? (your New Yorker)

4) Understand that there are pieces of you that are pointing you towards your truth, in order to connect with them you need your FemmeTypes.

5) Then sit down and journal. Ask yourself what is it that you have been desiring to do that is bigger then what you are doing. You will feel your truth emerge and begin to realize playing too small is the ROOT cause of you feeling like a fraud

6) The next step is to find someone, a mentor for example, that you can share your truth with who will hold you accountable for the unique way that you want to LIVE YOUR TRUTH.