Whether it is a child waiting for Christmas day, an adult waiting for a call back about a job, anyone waiting to hear what the doctor’s going to say, or an organization waiting to see if the newest idea will work, waiting sucks.  It seems to simply be a part of the life process… but that doesn’t make it any easier. One of the biggest challenges with waiting is that it leaves us with nothing to do, and so we feel powerless. Control is not in our hands. Hence, our impatience. But does waiting have to be so passive? So static? So… unnerving?

In the process of learning to be patient, I’ve found that waiting does not have to be a passive behavior. Here are five active things you can do while waiting for something in your life to happen:

1. Prepare yourself mentally. If you know what you are waiting for, get your mind ready for the shift. Change isn’t easy for anyone, but if you are given the time to gradually move yourself through the transition, do so. Figure out what you need to let go of and what you need to pick up, and start doing those things. If you don’t know these answers, focus on what you are interested in letting go of and picking up and do it. Better to choose your direction than to have it chosen for you.
   
   
2. Prepare yourself physically. If waiting is stressful for you and you find yourself wandering towards comfort foods and moping on the couch, keep in mind that these behaviors can make your impatience harder to manage and link it with depression. Continue taking care of yourself as you normally would which, in this impatient window of time, certainly takes work. Eat well and keep active as in at any other time in your life. Exercise, especially, can help you manage the stress and help keep you focused and positive.
   
   
3. Observe. What is there to learn from what is going on right now? Not just around you, but inside you as well. Is patience something steady that you can grab and hold on to firmly, or do you have to keep resetting your grip? What does patience feel like? What kinds of things do you find yourself doing that make waiting more difficult? What makes it easier? What kinds of things seem to help you manage stress more effectively and enable you to simply sit still and be patient?
   
   
4. Consider that you may be waiting for a reason, and reflect on what that reason might be. Maybe you’re actually not ready for what’s next, or perhaps what’s next isn’t ready for you. Sometimes we wait because the cogs of life need to get in line so that the wheels can turn in sync. Consider what you might still need to learn, or what other things still need to happen.
   
   
5. Be thankful. I know it sounds counterintuitive since sitting still is the last place you want to be, but some things in life simply don’t happen until it’s time. Regardless of what you are waiting for, be thankful that you have the time and space to anticipate change and prepare for it. And yes, being thankful is an active behavior.

I’ve been in this horribly static place a number of times in my life, waiting for things to change. There was one length of time in particular (it still haunts me) when I was working as a personal trainer (which was fine..) but knew I wanted to find a job in business with a big company. I kept trying to find different work but no matter how many times I tried to adjust my circumstances, I couldn’t get things to change.  I always felt like I was moving against a brick wall. Then one day, out of the blue and with no nudge from me whatsoever, everything suddenly just shifted. The situation I’d been looking for – a job in marketing for a prestigious publishing company - presented itself to me and suddenly it was simply and clearly time to take that step. At that moment, I could look back over that time of waiting and see a number of ways that I hadn’t been ready for this new role before that moment. I’d done some things right, like mentally preparing myself for what I was looking for and choosing what I wanted next; I’d also done some things wrong, like allowing depression to set in and trying to force a situation that wasn’t ready to happen.

One of the biggest challenges with waiting is not rushing through this time into the next phase of whatever you are waiting for. Waiting for something in your life to happen is, in itself, an event and the patience you learn is a useful skill that will serve you over and over. Step up to the challenge and use this time actively to learn that new skill: how to be patient.

 

When attending events like the Massachusetts Conference for Women, it is easy to be overwhelmed by so many possibilities. I was one of many people tweeting about the conference in the weeks prior to the event, and one frequently asked question was “How do you make the most of the conference?” Between a powerful schedule of keynotes, a huge room of exhibitors offering a wealth of possibilities, and a list of seminars that makes me wish I could be three places at once, it was clear that there was one thing a person needs walking in that front door: a plan. And so that morning, I asked myself: “What is the one thing that I need to happen today?” Looking at so much that I wanted to do, what did I want to walk away with?

Waiting for the first keynotes to begin, I studied the agenda for the hundredth time… when the Board Meetups caught my eye. Much like speed-dating (or speed-networking, if you will), these meetups scheduled throughout the day offered an opportunity to meet conference board members one-on-one for a few minutes at a time. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was a crucial opportunity.

In my day-to-day world, I am torn between two things: (#1) building my business and (#2) looking for a “real job” to help manage the natural fluctuations of (#1). As much as the conference certainly offered me tons of opportunities to build my business, it occurred to me that those meetups were shiny little moments that might help me find that job I’ve been searching for in a world where full-time jobs are all too elusive. That caught my attention, and so taking advantage of those meetups became the day’s primary goal.

In order to accomplish this goal, I made a point of being at each meetup location a few minutes early. The lines didn’t seem to pile up too quickly behind me, probably because they started right as seminar sessions were letting out. This enabled me to have some calm conversations with amazing women that I would never have otherwise spoken to. And oh, the wonderful feedback I received! The board members I spoke to, Karen Kaplan, Pam Wickham and Micho Spring, were approachable, personable, and candid. Each had something different to say, and it was all useful and on-point.

It occurred to me along the way that there are some specific things to keep in mind when experiencing this type of feedback:

• These women are meeting me for the first time, so they are giving me feedback on their first impression of me. This is vital feedback, since we only get one opportunity to give a first impression! This feedback is gold!
• They didn’t always tell me what I expected to hear, but they always told me what I needed to hear. Sometimes, the conversation didn’t go in my planned direction at all. That doesn’t mean I should shrug it off or temper it with salt. Quite the contrary, it is all the more important that I tune in to what was said. How did that conversation develop? Is this person speaking to a question I didn’t realize I was even asking?
• What a good way to work on my elevator speech!  Take 30 seconds to explain who you are, then converse with them and take in everything you can. Moving forward, adapt your introduction using what you just learned from the previous person to more effectively introduce yourself to the next.
• They are talking to me from their frame of reference. I approached each person with the swirl of my question in my head; it was important to recognize that their answer came from the swirl that is their world, not mine. My job is to keep their response in context. What does their answer tell me about their world? In what ways does it (not) fit with mine? (Yeah…. This one’s a bit more abstract…)

The fact that I approached the conference with this specific and distinct goal was helpful, because it impacted how I spent my entire day. However, because of the timing of the meetups I was only able to skirt through the seminar sessions, seeing pieces here and there. One thing that made this bearable was following #masswomen on Twitter. Tweeting is interesting at conferences because so many golden nuggets from various sessions get floated around. I know I missed the important details of some powerful sessions, but I don’t feel like I missed them altogether.

More than anything, I am extremely grateful that there was a powerful schedule of keynotes and that, even more so, the speakers did not disappoint. Quite the opposite: Glenda Hatchett, alone, was a powerhouse to behold. So many others in her wake, including Jessica Herrin, Victoria Reggie-Kennedy, and Christy Turlington Burns, left the audience breathless with ideas, a sense of power and, most of all, hope. My goal of attending the meetups did force me to miss out on Gloria Steinem which, with so much of my own work and research focused on women in the work force, just about broke my heart… but I needed to get in line to meetup with Tory Johnson. This was the right decision, as I ended up second in what was one of the longest lines of the day. Even so, Steinem’s speech was the one thing in the day that I’m most disappointed I missed.

This was the second year that I attended the Massachusetts Conference for Women, and I feel like having a plan of attack was the primary reason I got as much out of it as I did. Walking out at the end of the day, I had no doubts that I’d found what I came for. The question now is… so what am I going to do with it?

 

Organizations are regularly called to the table to support and encourage working women to succeed. Recommendations include creating affinity groups so that women can turn to each other for support, allowing more flexible work schedules, encouraging mentorships, and simply hiring women further into the pipeline.

This says that “the organization” can make all the difference with just a few specific actions. But is that really enough?  (If it is, wouldn’t more organizations already have more women at the top?)

When we say “an organization” should support women, who in the organization are we actually talking to?

We’re talking to the individuals in upper management, folks in the C-suite, directors, VP’s, etc. If upper management doesn’t support the actions taken to help women succeed, the organization will not consistently focus the resources (people, actions, attitudes, behaviors) in a direction that is necessary for this success.

We’re talking to individuals in middle management, suggesting that they choose to be mentors even if there isn’t a formal program in place. Mentorship is about having a supportive, nurturing relationship with the rising stars that you can identify and relate to.

In short, the people that I think we are trying to speak to, most specifically, are the men in these organizations. It is only with their support that women can succeed. They are the 
mentors that help women initially find their paths and access the power. Men are the managers that initially open doors. Eventually, women are there beside you to do the same but until enough women get there, it starts with you.

Women can’t follow in each other’s footsteps until there is another set of female footsteps to follow.  Until then, the onus is on the men.

 

Within every good leader, there is a good communicator.

Leadership requires many things: authenticity, vision, perspective, trust, confidence, flexibility, the ability to speak clearly, to listen well... and so many more things. But none of those elements is useful if you cannot communicate them effectively.

How do people know you are who you say you are? You communicate your messages authentically, consistently matching your verbal and nonverbal messages.

How do you share your vision? You communicate your vision clearly, helping key stakeholders understand and share your perspective.

How does anyone know you are listening? Your nonverbal communication indicates that you are following along.

Are these overt, large acts of communication? Not all of them are, but they are all important. Each one is an individual step towards good leadership. Effective and congruous communication conveys a sense of trust, respect, and understanding, creating an environment that welcomes and encourages followership.

Within every good leader there is a good communicator.

Want to be a better leader? Be a better communicator.

You've heard the statement "Dress for success" or even "Dress for the next level." They are classic statments that still stand true... but what exactly do they mean?

The meaning of the line "Dress for Success"  runs deeper than clothing. "Dressing" also refer to how you hold & carry yourself, how you speak, and how you interact with others. One does not just “dress the part” and <poof> you fit in with the crowd. You also need to know how to move in those clothes and how to circulate in that crowd. What do they talk about? What lingo and accronyms do they tend to use? Who are the leaders in that crowd that you should be especially acquainted with?

Consider the classic story, My Fair Lady: Henry Higgins gets Eliza Doolittle dressed appropriately and attends to her cockney accent, but when Eliza embodies this new persona, we see a change that is deeper than that. She walks differently, she uses an entirely different vocabulary, and she carries her head and uses eye contact differently. In addition to all of that, her perceptions and her goals change. She sees both her old world and this high-society world through new eyes, and her belief about what she might attain in life starts to change.

"Dress for success" might imply & even begin with the outside shell, but the change & the impact goes much deeper. It leads to a change in perception - our own and also the perception of those around us - and that can make all the difference.

Have you ever been suddenly enveloped in complete silence? When the sounds you are used to hearing are suddenly gone, what remains?

In September 2001, I was working in Boston. During the days immediately following the events of September 11^th, all flights across the U.S. were canceled and – at least in Boston – there was also very little ground activity. The city basically shut down for the remainder of the week. I remember walking along the Charles River where I often spent my lunch time, listening with amazement at the silence left behind.

The absence of roaring cars & planes, the missing voices of children running through the park or boats cruising along the water was audible. In place of all this typical noise, I heard birds chirping, the river lapping along the banks, and the whisking of the wind through the trees and across the water. At the time, those sounds didn’t seem natural for the city; in fact, they felt very wrong. With the recent chaos, there was a desperate need for “normal,” and the sudden roaring of F-16’s from nearby Otis Air Force Base was a relief in the silence, a reminder that the absence of noise was temporary; that life was still out there… somewhere.

This is what comes to mind when I think about how we listen. We move quickly through a conversation, gathering the gist of what is being said to us so that we can compose our response and share our own thoughts as appropriate. We are focused on the message, the goals of the conversation, and getting a turn at speaking.

But what don’t we hear? What is not being said? What is being said that we simply don’t notice? On any given day in Boston, the birds are chirping and the water is lapping along the banks of the Charles River. It isn’t that the sound is not there; it isn’t that they aren’t important, or are not contributing to the overall sound of the Boston environment. It’s just that they are overrun by so much else that they go by unnoticed. If you stop and concentrate, you can hear them through the rest of the noise. You just have to be looking for them. Whenever we listen, what else are we missing simply because we’re focused on the obvious?