Eli-isms

Not a Fan

2013-04-26T19:05:00.002-07:00

Over the bouncy theme song to Fran Drescher's sit-com "The Nanny" comes a frantic plea from Eli, "WHERE IS THE REMOTE????"

Call Me Danny

2013-04-26T04:42:00.004-07:00

Eli's offering me $36 to change is name to Danny. Also, he wants a pocket watch. So he can hypnotize me and make me change his name to Danny. Insurance I guess.

Trolling

2013-01-01T16:50:00.004-08:00

In an effort to convince me we read more than ten books over Christmas break, Eli "reminded" me of the one about the troll who left home and went to live in an owl's nest. But then the owl had babies so the troll got kicked out. By the end, the troll was back at home where he started in the first place.

I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about, and I sincerely hope he's making it up, or I had better get evaluated.

With Hesitation...

2012-06-26T08:17:00.001-07:00

I hesitate to share this because it sounds rather creepy but seriously, it was a light hearted, innocent conversation!

Eli: So, if our basement walls were bleeding, would that be a bad sign?
Me: WHAT? If our basement walls were bleeding?? Yes, that would definitely be a bad sign.
Eli: Why? What would that mean?
Me: It would mean we had to move!
Eli: Why? Would that mean we have a ghost?
Me: Eli. If there was blood coming out of our basement walls, that would mean something behind the walls was bleeding and I don't wanna clean it up, and I don't wanna know what it is!
Eli: Well...what if there was just blood in the basement, not on the walls?
Me: ELI. ANY amount of blood anywhere in our house that's not from a minor injury of one of us is just wrong and I have no idea where you're going with this but you're freaking me out.
Eli: Well, I was watching Ghost Adventures with Jack again...
Me: Remind me to talk to your brother when we get home.

Twilight Synopsis: Eli Style

2012-03-16T10:58:00.004-07:00

No. Seven year old Eli does not watch Twilight movies. That being said, the other night his 18 year old sister had one on when he came down from bed for a glass of water. Eli paused on the stairs for about 30 seconds and during that time was able to figure out the plot line. He later informed me what it was all about, which I think pretty much covers it.

Emma was watching a vampire movie. The girl wanted to kiss the guy, but he was a vampire so she couldn't because then he would bite her and suck her blood and then she would become a vampire.

And, the guy had a sparkly chest.

The End.

Teacher Time

2012-03-05T22:29:00.000-08:00

Eli's teacher comes daily after school to tutor him for first grade. Except for Tuesdays, when she takes a class after school. To make up for the time, she'll leave him a little extra work on Mondays to tide him over. So today being Monday, she hands him a couple sheets for math and a book, and let's him know she'd like him to work on everything while she's away. His response?

"Don't get your hopes up..."

Luckily his teacher is well versed in Eli-humor and she got a kick out of it. As for me, not so much amused!

*sigh*

Expanding Vocabulary, With Limited Success

2012-02-15T07:08:00.000-08:00

Daddy: Eli why don't you go put some socks on?
Eli: Well that's a general idea...

Eli: What does primary mean?
Mommy: It's like the main reason for something. Or it can mean first. But you probably would use it like, "The primary reason why I like candy is that it's sweet."
Eli: Oh... ...
------------
Eli: Daddy. My primary for eating candy is that it's sweet.
Daddy: ?

Mommy: Why are you in our bed already, it's only 11:00.
Eli: I'm here to enter my plea!
Mommy: Did that John Wayne movie you were watching have a court scene?
Eli: Yep. How did you know that?
Mommy: Just a guess. G'night.

The Scientist

2012-01-31T19:49:00.000-08:00

Every night Eli gets his drink of water to put on his nightstand. He never drinks it, but it's there. This morning I went to get the glass, and the water was cloudy and yellow. This is the conversation that took place as a result.

Me: Eli, why does your water look like that?
Eli: I don't know!
Me: Eli. Why does your water look like that??
E: Hee hee hee hee hee!
Me: ... ... ELI. What is it?
E: I was doing science.
Me: Oh really? What was the experiment?
E: I wanted to make my water look like pee!
Me: (sigh)

My Sweet Boy

2012-01-31T19:39:00.000-08:00

*serious post alert*

A sick little girl barely two years old, has passed away. The tears were flowing for her today, although we didn't really know her. We'd followed her story, met her parents a handful of times at the hospital, kept them in our prayers.

We've had the unfortunate experience of bearing witness to many untimely deaths over the past 12 months. Eli is a firm believer in heaven, and has also brought up the idea of reincarnation which fascinates me. I really don't know what happens when we die. But I like Eli's healthy, happy heaven, and at the same time, it might be nice to come back as a flower or a cat (his words).

So today while I shed tears for the family that lost their only child, Eli reassured me that she was fine now. That although her parents are sad, they shouldn't be too sad for very long because she's fine. In heaven, and healthy. Right Mommy? Right?Now she's better? And then in his ever-so-typical Eli fashion, he offered to get me our cat Gus who, "Can cuddle you to make you feel better because he's so soft..."

My sweet boy.

We're Definitely in a Question Phase.

2012-01-19T21:42:00.000-08:00

"Mommy." (Holding his dead remote control for his RC car in his hands). "What do batteries run on?"

It's Alarious.

2012-01-18T09:30:00.000-08:00

Yes it's January. Doesn't stop this from happening though:

Trick or treat
Smell my feet
Give me something good to eat;
If you don't
I don't care
I'll pull down your underwear...

Eli, that's not funny.
Yes it is, it's alarious.
No it's not, it's inappropriate.
It's not inappropriate, it's alarious. It's a song. I'm not really gonna pull someone's underwear down...That would be disgusting!

Who Thinks Like This?

2012-01-11T11:23:00.000-08:00

At Target yesterday, now that he's allowed to go at slow times with his mask, he asked me, "What's the tongue on a sneaker for?" Having never thought about it, I finally came up with, "It keeps your shoe laces from rubbing against your foot and hurting." But honestly I have no idea.

Birthday Goodies

2011-09-10T08:44:00.000-07:00

...all kinds of goodies.

Eli's birthday is in December, so it makes sense to plan the menu well in advance.

"Daddy. For my birthday, we're gonna have all kinds of food for everybody. Like chips and salsa...and toast...and orange juice..."

Oh, it's gonna be CRAZY.

Gus

2011-09-05T06:49:00.000-07:00

Eli waited 5 months for this hug :)

"Gus is the best thing God ever made..."

A Bee House

2011-07-29T08:21:00.000-07:00

Our bee house was similar to this one.

"Look! A bee house!"- Eli spotting a little bird feeder out the window of the diner where we were eating lunch today*. What makes this funny, is that it was actually a bird feeder similar to the one that use to hang in our yard. Until it was taken over. By bees.

*found this post in draft form on my list of blog entries...was originally written months and months ago!

Tony, Tony

2011-07-29T08:14:00.000-07:00

Don't mess with this 30 lb 6-year-old, Tony. Just find his stuff.

Every time Eli loses something, he recites a prayer/poem to St. Anthony, who is apparently the patron saint of lost crap.

Tony, Tony, look around; somethings's lost and must be found.

Only nowadays Eli recites it differently. After hearing my rendition, which has the same wording but is spoken with a New Jersey accent, it now takes on a more severe, almost threatening tone. Like if Tony doesn't find find the lost Star wars figure/video game/missing Lego piece, there will be consequences of the concrete shoe variety.

It also seems to work faster. Coincidence?

Speakin' of Cowboys...

2011-07-28T16:02:00.001-07:00

That's what he is.

PS: That is blue cotton candy from yesterday stuck to his face bandage.

Drinking Contest!

2011-07-20T19:03:00.000-07:00

We ran to Trader Joe's tonight, my fave shop-spot here in Cincinnati. It wasn't too busy so I was able to bring Eli in. In the back as many of you know, they have a sample counter. The tiny cups of juice set out on a tray caught Eli's eye and he exclaimed, "Look! They're having a drinking contest!"

Sadly, it was only peach juice.

Eli's New Vocabulary

2011-06-08T11:06:00.000-07:00

Since being in the hospital, these are things added to Eli's vocabulary that one can hear him utter on any given day.

I asked him to tell me what they each mean in his own words.

puke bucket- a bucket that you can puke in.
actigall- a medicine that keeps your liver healthy.
urinal- something that you pee in.
cyclopsproin- some kind of medicine that goes in your central line.
blood work- something where you get poked with a sharp, sharp, very sharp needle.
hostibal (his pronunciation of hospital)- I think people know what a hostibal is.
child life specialist- someone who brings you fun toys.
dressing change- where you get your central line patch changed.
central line- something that goes in your vein and goes to your heart.
kidney infection- something that makes you feel like you have to pee when you already went.
acyclovir- medicine.
occupational and physical therapy- it's where you get OT and PT to get strong and healthy.
gluten free- something that you have to get that's good for you when you have goofy blood.
cefapime- some kind of medicine that i'm allergic to.
fanconi- something that you grow up with in your body that makes your blood act goofy.
NJ Tube- something that goes in your nose down to your small intestines.
small intestines- something in your guts.
nausea- when you get nauseous and throw up.
bladder- something that holds your pee.
chemotherapy- a medicine that makes stuff change like your hair falls out, your skin turns tan, and gives you mouth sores that make you not eat.
biopsy- something that they poke in your butt and if they put it in the wrong spot it hurts when you walk.
Ronald McDonald House- A house with a statue of Ronald. People stay there that have goofy blood.
donor- someone who doesn't have goofy blood and can make you feel better.
bone marrow transplant- it's where you can have two birthdays so you don't have to wait for your 'nother birthday. it's where you get new cells to get healthy and go back home from Cincinnati, or if you live in Cincinnati you can go back to your house in Cincinnati or Ohio.

He's a pretty smart little guy.

Howdy

2011-06-07T12:19:00.000-07:00

A cowboy song by Eli Lana

Blockin' the sun

From my eyes

I'm sayin' howdy

To my partners

Sayin' yee ha

While I'm ridin' my horse

Shootin' my caps

BAM!BAM!BAM!

Tippin' my hat up

This is how we do it

Yee ha! Yee ha!

That is the password

(repeat three more times)

Now you know the password

Now you can come

Any time you want

Because we will need your help

With the bad guys

BAM!BAM!BAM!

Armpit Hair

2011-06-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

Yes, the title of this post is "Armpit Hair." When YOU'RE blogging about funny things your six-year-old boy says, I challenge YOU to avoid having a post entitled, "Armpit Hair."

ELI: Mommy! Oh my gosh...Do you shave your armpits??
MOMMY: (looking at my armpit, hoping that I had in fact shaved) Yes. Girls shave their armpits Eli.
E: What the heck??
M: Girls shave their armpits, boys don't.
E: What do boys do?
M: They just let it grow all over the place. Have you seen your father's armpits?
E: (Inspecting his own armpits) I don't have any armpit hair.
M: No, you're too young. You'll get it when you're older.
E: Oh. How old? Like, seven??

Hospital-isms

2011-04-27T17:49:00.001-07:00

We've noticed the meds given to Eli act like sort of a truth serum...I'm sure this list will keep growing!

To Daddy: You’re breathing on me, and your breath smells. And, you even do it when you’re sleepin’.

To a taller than average nurse with a high hair up-do: Oh my gosh, you look like a giant!

Mommy: Does your stomach feel any better?

Eli: Well after that crazy toot it does!

Aunt Kathy: What's wrong honey, are you gonna get sick? Do you need a bin?
Eli: No, I need a cup. It's just my salima... *spits into cup*

‎Eli: Mommy, I love you. I love you more than how many pillowcases they have here.

And lastly: When Eli presses the button for his pain meds, he phrases his answer in the form of a question a la Jeopardy! and states: What is Morphine?

Classic Eli-isms

2011-04-08T06:28:00.000-07:00

Two terms heard frequently in conversations with Eli:

Chother: When two opponents square off in a game, they are said to, "Play against their chother." Use "their chother" in place of "each other".

Nother: When there are two possible choices, the one remaining or the one not present is referred to as, "the nother one."

Name Calling

2011-04-08T05:23:00.000-07:00

We have a big lovable dog named Tommy, sometimes known as Thomas when necessary. Word to the wise: If you're a parent that gets your name called 100 times a day, DON'T name your dog something that rhymes with your name. If I answer, "What?!" I often hear in response, "I was talkin' to Tommy!" If I ignore it because I thought they were calling the dog, I get: "Mommy, didn't you hear me calling you???"

On the flip side, it is kind of cute when Eli calls me Mhomas.

Dreaming

2011-03-09T04:58:00.000-08:00

Eli aboard the Polar Express, looking for Santa

Mom, last night I had three dreams. Two were nightmares and one was the other kind...What's it called when you have a dream that's not a nightmare?