Elli's Thoughts

2012-02-10T09:25:00.003-06:00

Open house party is on Sunday... which will be fun. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone in my new home. This will be a very short post... since I only came over to submit an article ... we are off to do errands today!

EquiLeads

2012-02-10T09:20:00.000-06:00

When it comes to decisions, one decision that I do not wish to make is a decision that deals with finances or mortgages. While searching for a website to solve my indecisiveness I found EquiLeads. The website provides service leads for things such as mortgages, insurance and finances. This is definitely something I would be interested in pursuing because with two children I have a limited amount of time on my hands. I don't need to waste my time trying to find the perfect service.

Another interesting thing that I found about this website is that they offer an affiliate program for those who have their own website and/or blog. As a blogger, I thought this was interesting. It would provide with extra income, and all I have to do is blog about some of the service leads that they offer. Not too bad of a proposition.

I Want to Love You Song

2012-02-08T18:48:00.000-06:00

Please give me

My Elohim

the strength to Obey You

I want to Love You

my Elohim

This world is crushing

this world is deadly

but I know that you are

with me now...

I want to Love You

my Elohim

Thank you for all you've done for me

thank you that you've brought me here

I am grateful that you've remembered me

now I remember you

I want to Love You

my Elohim

I want to be close to You

my Elohim

2012-02-07T18:48:00.000-06:00

You may laugh at me where I am writing this, but for lack of my own embarrassment I won't tell you. It is almost 3:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep. I will tell you why: I have another dream. I wrote on Facebook today wondering why I am plagued with dreams about my children being torn from me, i.e. stolen/dying.

In my first dream, someone was trying to take my daughter was me but as much as I struggled that person kept inching closer.

My second dream, my son bled to death.

My third dream, I was shopping in the grocery store. I was at the check-out line and something happened where when I looked back, my cart was gone! After searching frantically I found my cart, but it has two my small children in it. In my mind, one of them was mind and one of them wasn't. But where was my Noah?! My beautiful boy! He was GONE! And no matter how many times I called him, no matter how many times I searched for him, he was gone. There was boys in the store that looked similar to him, but weren't him. And I woke up feeling very sad.

I went to check on my children. It's a natural response to a dream like that.. and now I've been awake for more than an hour and cannot go back to sleep. I had my husband pray with him as he's done in the previous dreams, but why won't they go away? What is YHWH trying to show me?

I found an old friend of mine on DeviantArt. I say old friend because we are no longer friends. At one point in time, she cursed me because I told her we cannot be friends because she brings me down to a spiritual level that I do not want to be. I apologized to you in the past, and I said that I hope she could see past that and I asked her what she cursed me for. She did curse me. She did a very long blog about it, but when I tried to find it I realized that it was deleted. So I asked her to tell me if she remembered.

I wouldn't say that she has been thinking about me lately because our feud ended a couple years ago, but there is a nagging question in the back of my mind that maybe she is trying to torment me because I can have children and she cannot. So because she cannot she wishes to torment me by having my children ripped from me? I hope not. Part of me knows that its all spiritual. Some spirit or spirits or haShatan is tormenting me. Why? Is it because I am trying to do better? Do I stand as a threat to him? And by these dreams my spirit weakens a bit.

But I pray. I continuously pray over the protection of my little ones. I love them so very much. They mean everything to me. What am I to do? But seek HIS comfort. (YHWH)

To Know You Yahuwah Song

2012-01-29T19:41:00.005-06:00

Prostrate I lay before you

in despair I pray

ashes cover my head

in tatters I lay

Chorus:

Speak to me, my Eloah

don't forget, don't turn away

remember me anew

forget who I was

Please remember me

forgive me for what I was

Selfish arrogance

bitter negligence

to know You, Yahuwah

is all that I ask

I beg you, Yahuwah

I seek your face

only You

Only You,

can Save me, can rescue me

from despair

Chorus:

Speak to me, my Eloah

don't forget, don't turn away

remember me anew

forget who I was

Please remember me

forgive me for what I was

Selfish arrogance

bitter negligence

to know You, Yahuwah

is all that I ask

Please Hear Me Now Song

2012-01-29T19:41:00.002-06:00

I seek your face

in prayer I praise

the One who delivers

the One who Saves

In Obedience I follow You in troubled times

Your Word, Your Truth

help me to remember You

Chorus:

The stars will fall

the earth will quake

the water may rise

fires will ignite

people will fight

and I ask You

Oh, Yahuwah

please hear me now

Everyone says the World is Ending

this is the year

this is the last,

so fervantly I pray to You

Remember Me,

Don't forget me here

Chorus: 2x

The stars will fall

the earth will quake

the water may rise

fires will ignite

people will fight

and I ask You

Oh, Yahuwah

please hear me now

A Note From My husband

2012-01-29T18:57:00.003-06:00

Elisheva Tierza Rose,

I stand before you an imperfect man,

I can't promise You I won't stumble,

fail or get things wrong from time

to time. I can promise you this.

I will remain faithful to you, only you.

I will love you unconditionally.

I will cherish and care for you in

everything I do.

I'll be by your side as a best friend

and husband should until death part us both.

In sickness and health, good times and bad.

Since the day I laid eyes on you,

I knew Yah had selected you for me.

I am unworthy and I praise and

thank our Father in Heaven for the gift

of your love.

Speak to Me Song

2012-01-29T18:52:00.002-06:00

I love you, O Yahuwah

I praise you, my Elohim

please give me the words I seek

to follow You

In meekness I pray

in humbleness I speak Your Name

for I am nothing so grand or great as You,

O Yahuwah, I love you, my Eloah

So speak to me

fervantly I pray

So speak to me

I listen all day!

How to Make Natural Flea Powder

2012-01-29T18:51:00.002-06:00

1 tsp dried rosemary

1 tsp fennel seeds, crushed

1 tsp dried wormwood

1 tsp dried rue

Mix together and comb in dog's hair. It can also be used in a bandana around the dog's neck.

Not sure where I found this...but just so you know it's not mine.

Poor Man's Food Creation of the Day

2012-01-29T18:49:00.000-06:00

Navy Beans (1 can about 8 oz)

Green Beans (1 can “)

Saukerkraut (maybe ¼ of the can at most)

Chicken Broth

Cumin (to taste)

Celery Seed (to taste)

Rice (about ¼ cup)

Mix all together and Voila! The saukerkraut is a bit on the strong side. -That may be because I used Walmart's store brand Great Value!. But I don't think its too bad. For those of you who don't particularly care for saukerkraut.. omit. Lol. :)

10 Things I Want Changed w/ My Marriage

2012-01-28T20:01:00.001-06:00

I found this... I wrote this last year.. I think. Well it was a while ago:

It would be nice if we were loving all the time.
I wish I was a more submissive wife, and Sean a more dominant husband.
I would like to see more encouragement on both our parts.
No more yelling and losing our tempers.
Compassion when we are sick.
Tolerance and patience for our flaws.
More of a servant's heart toward one another.
No idle words or threats.
A greater amount of scriptural guidance.
Completely treasured and loved above all else.

Root of All Evil

2012-01-28T18:47:00.000-06:00

I appreciate the guest post, Emerson Moses

If money is the root of all evil, then I guess that makes me one very evil man. Let me start off by saying that I am actually a very loving and caring man. However, when my boss came to me and offered me a promotion one of the first questions that I had was how much of a pay increase would there be. After that was out of the way, we then moved on to talking about the transfer. That’s right, I’m getting promoted but it comes at the price of relocating. Luckily, it’s just my wife and me so the move shouldn’t be too difficult. The only worry that I have is the severe difference is weather. You see, we’re moving from Atlanta, Georgia to Columbus, Ohio, in the middle of the winter. Oh well, the increase in pay absolutely makes it worth it. And what does a guy do with a substantial pay raise? Well, bulk up my cable package, of course. A quick search for directv in columbus and we’re all set up for the largest package that they offer. No more worrying about what we’re going to do when we get snowed in.

Partition

2012-01-27T19:09:00.000-06:00

Last night I stayed up late watching a movie on NetFlix. It was called Partition, dealing with the civil war in the late 1940s between the Sikhs and the Muslims. About halfway through the movie it was a beautiful love story of a Muslim girl and former-Sikh soldier. They should have ended the movie right there, but no. The movie continued for another hour and the girl's family imprisoned her so that she would not go back to see him. Then when they are finally able to be together at the train station, the girl's brother pushes him over the edge of a railing that connects both sides of the railroad platforms. He is run over by the train. Sob. Sob. The girl and her little boy go to live in England. The end!

I was so very disappointed.. and fustrated! Why did it have to end that way?! What's wrong with happily ever after endings? Our world is very full of drama, why would I want to watch a sad drama? I ended up going to back at 1 p.m... what a waste of time.

New Moon Sabbath

2012-01-25T19:07:00.000-06:00

Today was somewhat of an uneventful day. It was our New Moon Sabbath. Once a month when the first crescent of the moon can be seen we have a sabbath. -A complete day of rest dedicated to YHWH. It was nice to sleep in til 9 and then take a late morning nap. Sometimes it seems that I could sleep and sleep but never feel refreshed. Or maybe its not I'm not getting the proper amounts of sleep.

My daughter has been driving me up the wall lately. I don't know what's wrong with her. I mean there isn't something dreadfully wrong with her, but every time she is corrected she wails and cries. She never used to do that. She has been acting as if something is wrong with her. Do young children only get the pre-molars? For lack of a better word? Or do they get another set too? I'm wondering if she's been teething.

Noah has been acting like same too...like he's teething, but so far there doesn't seem to be any “nubbins” to indicate any teeth popping through. -Though I know that there doesn't have to be. Neither of them have had fevers... but each child shows different symptoms for everything. Not only that Kadence has been waking up a least once for the past couple of weeks. It's hard to get her to sleep the entire night without crying, and Noah goes to bed late and wakes up early.

Sometimes I feel like it would be better for me not to sleep at all...

So we were reading Scripture today and it seems that any religion that takes you away from your true married husband is a religious whore. Our true husband being Yahushua, as we are to strive to be his bride. It's true that when people come into the faith that they are either bombarded with Christianity or Judaism which (pardon my blunt tongue) are the whores trying to take us away from Yahushua, the groom. Just some observations....

Well... I'm feeling that someone needs my help...

:Elli:

2012-01-24T11:42:00.001-06:00

I've come to the realization that my all of my gallbladder issues may be because my body has never produced enough bile. Did you know that if your gallbladder is sluggish to begin with that it can crystallize into gallstones? That's something new for me. So last night I was researching this problem and eating more vegetables such as celery, garlic, onion, daikon radishes, collard greens, brussell sprouts, etc. will help with the production and the binding (or getting rid of ) of bile. Oh and more fiber too. Hmm...

A Rough Day...

2012-01-22T19:51:00.000-06:00

It seems of late that I've been writing my blog posts at an early hour, and I would have written one at five o'clock this morning except I misplaced my laptop. I searched everywhere! It was only when I went back to bed that I realized that I hid it under our guest bed to keep it hidden from my daughter. It worked too well and I succeeded in hiding it from myself. LOL.

Today I had somewhat of an emotional/mental break down. It has once again come to my attention that I am a self-conceited, tempered bitch. (Please, excuse the language). But its true. And I have these moments where I get so self-conscious about myself that I become fire-spirited wench. Its like this well of fury and anger lives in me and I want to smash and break everything in sight. I hate what I become. I hate how I feel... and then I know what I am... and I know how I am acting but I don't know how I am to cope.

I love my children and I love my family... but in all truth sometimes I feel neglected. Sometimes I feel... unwanted or an inconvenience to others. I know they tell me that is not true, but that is how I feel. I have the spirit of anger and the spirit of jealousy...but how do I get rid of these? My family never really knew about the cruelty that I suffered as a youngster and a teen. It really shaped me... well helped to create my insecurities. It was only my senior year that I found a confidence, but in essence who I became was just a front to all the years and years of my locked up insecurities.

Then after I had my...fit...for lack of a better word I felt extremely remorseful and wretched. Often I feel like I am a dreadful person... and today up until my husband came home I was dreadfully depressed. I put the kiddos down for a nap and I had not the strength to do anything but sleep. Gosh... I had a freaking pity party! Ugh... I wonder about myself sometimes.

I wonder if it started from the dreadful dream I had last night. In my dream I watched vividly as my son died from an accident. But this dream this not affect me as much as the dream I had about my daughter. I mean it did, but I didn't became a hysterical mess. -That's what I became with the dream about my daughter until YHWH spoke to me in Psalms 121. Then I could not sleep, but it did stem from some reality and maybe it just didn't really hit me. My son almost died turning his birth. And in my dream I was calm and I was very thankful for all the moments YHWH had allowed me to spend with him. I say this calmly, but I don't know what I would do without my family. I fear I would become a mess. Heck, at the thought of being away from my family I turn into a mess. Is that pathetic or what?

Earlier I wrote a text to my husband saying that I needed to get away. I needed to go back to WI for my sanity. Later on he told me that it scared him. It scares him to think that I would leave him. I told him it was not me leaving him... it just that sometimes I need a break... I need to visit my family. It's one thing to be around his family, but I miss my mother. For the past six years I have not be around my parents a lot and I miss them. I need a confidant.

On a note of the very crazy and slightly disturbing whether of 2012, we are having thunderstorms in January! Today it was 54 degrees Fahrenheit. This weather is not normal. I guess there was even reports of hail. Now in far northern Missouri to Iowa it is snowing! What the... We are sure in for a lot of surprises here in 2012. By the way according to Spaceweather.com the latest CME was strong enough to complete our magnetic field and mess with our satellites and our ionicsphere. Isn't that lovely? And with all sincerity I can tell you that it won't be the last. Sigh and we are only in January!

I love my family... I love my children... I love my husband.

Praises for Kadence!

2012-01-20T19:48:00.000-06:00

I started potty training Kadence a couple of weeks ago. Well, getting her familiar with the potty chair and trying to get her to connect when she goes to the bathroom with the word “potty”. I will have to say that she's not even two yet and yesterday was a day of wonderful surprises! After lunch she was grunting (pooping) and she was standing by the table and then it dawned on me. -To stick her on the potty chair while she was pooping. I rushed her into the bathroom and quickly undressed her. She pooped the moment I sat her on the toilet. -That's how bad she had to go. Lol. Her first real experience with the potty chair and she cried and cried and cried! Poor girl... I think the experience scared her. Nonetheless, we praised her on what a big girl she was and how wonderful she did.

Later on in the evening my husband and I had rushed off to get groceries while the kiddos staying with the grandparents. I was told that Grandma asked Kadence is she had to go potty since she hadn't peed in her diaper yet. They were getting them ready for bed. Grandma and Kadence then went to the potty, but nothing happened. So Grandma left with Kadence following behind to throw away her diaper. I was then told that Kadence left on her own accord and went to the potty chair and peed all by herself!

To some of you who are not parents, this may not seem like such a big ordeal to you like so what she used the potty. -But it quite the development skill for young children to connect the word “potty” with peeing, pooping AND using the potty chair. They have to learn and realize that they are going potty, and when they are going potty. Then they have to learn that they shouldn't go potty in their diapers, but in the toilet. We, Americans, train our children to poop and pee in diapers and then we have to untrain them to going to the bathroom like adults. I heard once that in third-world countries that they teach their young children to go potty like adults from birth. I would be curious how they accomplish this...

So praises for Kadence! My big girl! =)

Declined...Fail

2012-01-18T18:25:00.002-06:00

Last night I was very disappointed to find out that my article that I had worked hours on...literally like six hours or so... was denied. They told me that it had numerous grammatical errors, was plagiarized seven times, had cited sources in the wrong place, and that I forgot to put in link descriptions. I admit that I forgot the link descriptions, so I know that is my fault, but the rest at was at a loss for. I mean plagarism! Come on... I was really upset about that denial and the fact that they gave me an F-.

But whatever I've realized that working as a ghostwriter that I am selling myself short... and for what a measly $15 for 6 hours of work? Ugh. Well on the positive side I can focus my attention on something else...like blogging...making tamales... and quilting.

Tamale Orders

2012-01-17T18:18:00.000-06:00

Today my daughter is driving me nuts, but I'm trying to have patience. Every single time she doesn't get her way she screeches and distracting her doesn't help at all. -That's what they say to do. Gosh, I don't want to say she's spoiled..but dang I really hope we can overcome this stage. I'm at a loss of how to deal with her.

My friend Sue gave me my first real order of tamales:

1 dozen of shredded chicken with olives

1 dozen of shredded beef

1 dozen of vegetarian: black beans, jalapenos, red beans, cheddar cheese, diced tomatoes

So once I pick up my supplies I can start on them! =) I was going to originally charge $10 for a dozen, but she said that was too cheap... and she paid $20 for a dozen in the past. -Before she knew that most tamales are made with animal shortening: lard. She also eats kosher like we do. I would rather buy organic ingredients for them, but I think she'll be O.K. with non-organic for them, at least until I get myself more established.

I don't plan on making this a big corporation or anything like that... just a little selling of tamales to my friends and family. Do I need a license or anything like that for that? Hmm... I'm not sure...but I'll definitely check on it especially if I get more customers. Only time will tell...

Well my husband and I have been keeping an eye on the seismographs monitoring various areas in YellowStone National Park. One of them ( I can't remember the name) was inactive as of January 11, 2012 and now it's all over the place. It just looks like a mess of green, red and black combined, just so you can get an idea of how much activity has been going on lately. My husband thinks that Yellowstone is going to erupt this year. It will definitely be a sight to behold. I asked my husband if there is anything we need to do or buy to be prepared and he doesn't know. He kind of thought that we wouldn't be able to prepare ourselves adequately enough. Out of what we know, the ash would affect us more than it would for my parents in Wisconsin or our other relatives in California.

YHWH is with us along as we obey His Commandments... though we may walk through the valley of the shadow of death we shall fear no evil.

SO BE IT!

:Elisheva:

Start of a good day....

2012-01-16T18:35:00.000-06:00

Good morning to anyone of you who read this! I have no followers at the moment, so I'm not sure if anyone does read my blog... but if you do...good morning. :) I surprised myself today. I woke up before my family wide awake. Noah and Kadence decided to sleep in today. Of all the days they could be sleeping in they had to choose a day that I awoke up early anyway. Figures.

Last night I worked on one of my articles. It was two words short of 1800 words. The minimum was 750 words. Gosh... can I not write a shorter article? Anyway, I'll get paid $15 if they accept it. I really hope they do because I put a lot of hard work into that article. There's a part of me that hates being a ghostwriter because you get no credit for it at all since you are selling all of your rights. -Maybe that's the writer in me. On the other hand I'm okay with it because I make more money selling all of my rights to my articles vs. trying to write articles more content mills that pay less than a couple dollars a month. -So for now this works.

I did plan on saving the money that I was paid as a ghostwriter but since my husbands work has slacked off (at least for this week and last week) my money has been used to pay for groceries. -Which isn't a bad thing at all because we need to eat and that way I don't have to ask the in-laws for money.

I must confess that my husband and I had a very bad fight yesterday... and well lately it had just kept building up fight after fight after fight. I don't like fighting and I know in ways it is both of us. He says something rude... then I say or do something back. Anyway, I texted him (sometimes we communicate better that way) and told him that if he keeps treating me this way with the verbal abuse that I will have to leave and take the children with me. I told him I will not tolerate to be treated that way. It's not that I want to leave him because I would be very heart-broken to do so...but if I had to for the sake of my sanity and for the stability of my children...I would do so. -And I say I was an inch close to leaving.

He came to me and apologized. He apologized for the 2 ½ years of our marriage that he has been treating me like crap. He also said that he didn't want us to leave and that he was going to try to make up for it. This house (he said) was a way to show his love for me... all the hard work that he put in it.. and I see it but he said that he realized that wasn't enough. He said that he needed to encourage me more... and how I am is his fault for not building me up and encouraging me but tearing me down and creating my insecurities. In the Hall family there is a generational curse, the Hall men verbally abuse and treat their wives or girlfriends like crap. My husband said it is like he has to work against this demon to not be that way. At one point in time he said that he wanted to blow his brains out for becoming like his father. -Not that he wanted to commit suicide it just was devastating for him to realize how much of the Hall men genes he acquired, i.e. the quality of verbally abusing their wives. Our belief in generational curses is that they do happen, but each individual has to pray against it and work against it just as we all have to individually work for our salvation.

So... today is Day 1 after our agreement to begin a new marriage... without fighting and strife and hateful words. Not only did it affect us, but it also affected our children. Kadence's disobedient, rebellious behavior was proof of that. And I will note that our talk, we had more understanding more one another... and that we were good to each other the rest of the day! :) I really do want a happy, peaceful house... a house that has true shalom.

I thank my Creator YHWH! I thank Him for blessing me with such a wonderful family...my children...my husband... my extended family. I thank Him for everything He has done for me! =)

Today will be a good day...

Social Smoking

2012-01-15T18:22:00.001-06:00

I've not really a big smoker, or really even a smoker period. I've tried a couple of cigaretts, and it seems its only with one friend of mine. So I guess I am a social smoker, so to speak. My husband says that he thinks that women smoking are "trashy". In some sense, I agree with the typical stereotype of a "white-trash" woman smoking a Marlboro with tattoos. -So that's definitely not the image I want to portray.

BluCigs are an interesting concept. They allow you to smoke without the smell or the smoke. The company also offers various different flavors. In essence it is an electric cigarette that comes with a battery pack. The only thing that is has in common with a standard non-electric cigarette is the fact that it gives the user nicotine. Eventhough BlueCigs seem a interesting alternative to regular cigarettes, I'm not sure I would want to try one.

Tamale Business?

2012-01-13T11:11:00.000-06:00

So my husband's co-workers are supposed to be trying some of my tamales. I hope they like them... so maybe I could start a business with them and maybe other people once they spread the word. So far I think I'm going to charge $10 for a dozen tamales. And I was doing research on different recipes and I think a queso sauce would be really good over them. Hmm... I want it to taste authentic though.

Tomorrow my sister is coming to visit me, so I think I'm going to ask her to bring her tamale cooker. Cooking tamales in rice steamers just takes too long!!! I really hope this works out because we could use the extra cash...

Blackwater (Xe)

2012-01-11T11:13:00.000-06:00

Blackwater (Xe)

2012-01-05T20:06:00.000-06:00

My gut is still revolting against the Casey's pizza I ate for dinner. I know that my tinctures are working because when I take a break I am more prone to gallbladder attacks. Although I would rather not take a part from the tinctures I am taking, I have to during my monthly cycle. I'm not bursting at the seams (as I have felt in other gallbladder attacks,) but my gallbladder still aches.

I hate this.

As I was waiting for the coptis to kick in, I was contemplating gallbladder surgery even though I am against surgery, unless you're on the verge of dying. Would having it removed be O.K. Or would it create extra problems like I fear it would? But I haven't even completed my cleanse yet, so I cannot yet change my mind.

I pray that through the regiment that I am doing that it will heal my gallbladder, and thus heal my body. I hope...

Elisheva

2012-01-05T18:58:00.001-06:00

My gut is still revolting against the Casey's pizza I ate for dinner. I know that my tinctures are working because when I take a break (its usually when I'm on my cycle), I'm not bursting at the seams in agony. -But my gallbladder still aches. I hate this.

As I was waiting for the coptis to kick in, I was contemplating gallbladder surgery eventhough I am against unnecessary surgery, for example unless you're dying. Would having it removed be O.K. Or would it create extra problems like I fear it would. But I haven't even done my cleanse yet, so I cannot change my mind yet.

Elisheva