Email Entertainment 101

Charice, Isang Ampon

2010-10-13T21:36:00.000+08:00

Kayo na ang humusga!!!
At ang isa pang nabasa ko sa website, hindi nila matanto kung sino ang ama ni Charice, si Arnel Pineda ba o si Kokey.

Arnel Pineda

Biggest Looser!!!

2010-08-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

Funny corner

2010-08-10T17:25:00.000+08:00

Hindi lahat ng party ay masaya--3RD PARTY

Hindi lahat ng 13 ay malas--13TH MONTH PAY
Hindi lahat ng negative nakakalungkot- PREGNANCY TEST (whew)
Hindi lahat ng positive ikina-sasaya- -HIV POSITIVE
************ ********* *******
Panibagong sagot sa tanong na: "'musta lovelife?"
"Eto self supporting."
************ ********* *******

Anak: Tay , totoo po bang may multo?
Tatay: Anak walang multo! Bakit mo naitanong?
Anak: Sabi kasi ni yaya merong multo!
Tatay: Anak...Tang' ina naman, wala tayong yaya!

************ ********* *******
Inday: Ate, kailangan daw ipa-EXTRAY ulo ni junior?
Mother: Gaga anong EXTRAY?
Inday: Ano pu ba talaga ati?
Mother: CT SKULL!! Bobo!
************ ********* *******

Bahay ng mag-asawa pinasok ng killer.....
Killer: Bago ko patayin lahat ng biktima ko ay kinikilala ko muna..
Ikaw Mrs, ano pangalan mo?
Mrs: Inday po.
Killer: Napakagandang pangalan, kapangalan mo nanay ko.
Hindi na kita papatayin. Ikaw mr, ano pangalan mo?
Mr: Ah Pedro po, pero my friends call me Inday..

************ ********* *******
Chinese feng shui: If MIRROR at the stairs, may swerte at grasya akyat.
If MIRROR at the door, may swerte at grasya pasok.
If MIRROR at the ceiling, ikaw swerte, nasa loob ka ng MOTEL!
************ ********* *******

Teacher: Juan, give me colors that start with letter M, except maroon!
Juan: Hhmmm..
Maitim!
Mapute!
Maputla!
Madilaw!
Mukhang berde!
Mejo asul!
Mamink-mink!

************ ********* *******
3 Palatandaan na tumatanda ka na:
1) Tuhod na lang ang Tumitigas....
2) Buhok na lang ang Tumatayo.
3) Mukha na lang ang Nagagalit.
************ ********* *******

Mag-ama nakasakay sa barko habang bumabagyo...
Anak: Tay ! Nag-aalala po ako. Parang lulubog ang barko.
Tatay: Tanga! Ba't ka mag-aalala eh di naman atin ito!

************ ********* *******
Isang binata naputulan ng parehong braso, pagdating sa ospital:
Binata: Doc gamutin nyo po ako, naputol parehong braso ko.
Doc: Mga anong oras ka ba naputulan?
Binata: Mga 10 oras na po.
Doc: 10?! Eh bakit ngayon ka lang pumunta dito?
Binata: HALLER! Mahirap kayang pumara ng jeep!!
************ ********* *******

Nanay: Papauwi ka na ba? Asan ka na?
Anak: Andito po ako sa ospital...
Nanay (umiiyak): Ha? Ano nangyari sayo?!
Anak: Nay, nurse po ako, duty ako ngayon!

************ ********* *******
A large signboard says: "ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY."
Nakita ng lasenggo... "So what?! Sino ba nagmamadali? "?
************ ********* *******

Misis: Inday, napansin mo ba ang barong ni sir mo lagi na lang may lipstick?
Maid: Opo nga ma'am! Mukang niloloko na tayo ni sir ah?!?!

************ ********* *******
Jr: Nay, nagloko ba si lolo noong buhay pa sya?
Mom: Pag namatay ako, tatangungin ko sya sa langit.
Jr: Eh kung nasa hell si lolo?
Mom: Tatay mo ang magtatanong!
************ ********* *******

Economics Professor: "Now tell me what is the similarity between your bank account and a bra?
Student: "Well, the more in it, the better interest you get."

************ ********* *******
Wife mad at drunk husband: From now on, lips that touch liquor will never
touch mine...
(Later she said): What are you thinking?
Husband: Trying to decide between 12year old scotch and 50year old lips.
************ ********* ****

Son to dying father: Itay, ano po ang gusto nyo, magpalibing ba o magpa-cremate?
Ama:Ikaw na ang bahala, anak. I-surprise mo na lang ako.

************ ********* ****
Pacquiao: Honey, boksan mo na yun sweets.
Jinky: Nasan honey? Ang lambing mo naman. May pasalubong ka pa sa akin!
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng elaw. Ang dilim kaya!
************ ********* ****

Bisaya: Hulaan mo alaga kong hayop nagsimula sa liter I.
DJ: Isda?
Bisaya: Dili man!
Dj: Ibon?
Bisaya: Lapit na.
DJ: Ano nga, siret na!
Bisaya: IGOL.

************ ********* ****
Erap disembarked from a PAL flight and was met by reporter who asked, "Sir, what do you think of the economy?"
Erap: I don't know. I was seated in the first class.
************ ********* ****

Misis: Darling, akala ko ba, mahal mo ako...
Mister: Oo nga! Handa akong mamatay alang-alang sayo.
Misis: Sus! Puro ka naman satsat, hindi mo naman ginagawa!

************ ********* ****

Tony: Ikaw na naman? Tatlong beses mo na akong na-holdup ngayong taon, ah!
Holdaper: Ganu'n talaga brod. Inaalagaan ang good customer!

German artist at it again!

2010-08-10T16:15:00.000+08:00

Here are 7 pictures of European trucks whose trailers are decorated to look like the sides are missing and the products they are hauling are painted on the sides and back.

The first one is of a bottle of beer and looks so real, like it is coming out the side of the trailer.

The second is of a canvas tote bag.

The third is of Pepsi cases and they are all stacked on the ceiling, and the bottom of the trailer is empty.

The fourth is of another truck with the windshield facing

the back and there has been a driver painted in the driver's seat looking back over his shoulder to appear like he is driving backwards.

(Now this one is just plain scary, even when the German

reads 'On the wrong path?')

The fifth one is of an aquarium with fish swimming in it.

The sixth one is of a bookshelf with books lined up in it and a post-it-note with an advertisement on it, probably for the company that sells the books.

The last one is for Pringles Hot & Spicy. The 'inside' of the trailer has the appearance of having been through a fire.

MANNY PACQUIAO!!! Remember, joke lang po!

2010-08-06T19:35:00.000+08:00

Pacman: Sabi ng titser ko, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg?
Aling Dionisia: Sabihon mo sa titser mo, na pag me egg yun, turta na yan, TURTA!

--------- --------- ---------
Reporter: Ngayong nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee?
Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e.
Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon?
Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know?

--------- --------- ---------
Dionisia: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast.
Doctor: (gulat) magpapaseksi ka na?
Dionisia: Breast sa ngepen ba. Para umayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon?

--------- --------- --------- ---------

Pacquiao: Wala, talo ka na kahit anung gawin mo.
Hatton: Pagandahan na lang tayo ng nanay!
Pacquiao: Ah! Wala namang ganyanan. I mean, yo know?

--------- --------- --------- ---------

Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yung seeds ko.
Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?
Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasiselaw mga mata ko kaya kailangan ko yung
seeds.

--------- ---------
Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tayu anu ang magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin? "MANKY"..... .

------------ - ------------ - ----------

Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali
din pangalan ko.
Manny: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.
Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.
Manny: Talaga 'nay? Anu?
Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky) --------- -------

-------- --------- --------- ---------
Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.
Jinky : Lambing mo talaga. mwah!! Nasaan ang sweets honey?
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita? ang dilim!!

--------- ------- -------- ------- ------- -----------

Si Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar sa Gen San?
Manny: Ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh... ang masasabi kulang diyan ay....
Reporter: Ano..?
Manny: Ahh, kwan,...maraming Fish sa Gen San pero wala masyado umo-Order .
--------- --------- -------- -------- -------- ----------
Sa Las Vegas
Waiter: May i take your order, Madam?
Aling Dionisia: Soup
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day?
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks!
--------- ---------- --------- --------- ------- --------

Sa isang Birthday Party
Aling Dionisia: Blue!!! Blue the Kick!!!!

--------- ---------- ------- --------- -------- --------

You is! You is! You is! sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika.
Andito na ako sa You is!

-------- ---------- -------- --------- -------
Chavit: Manny, paki - acknowledge naman si 1st Gentleman, late dumating eh.. ayun kadadaan lang sa tabi ng
ringside.
Manny: I would like to acknowledge the ARRIVAL OF THE LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY!!
BONGGA TALAGA!!!!!! !!

ICE BREAKER MUNA TAYO!!!

2010-08-06T19:31:00.001+08:00

Tuition Fee_ Nabasa mo na ba ito???

2010-07-16T19:29:00.000+08:00

Isang anak ang nanghihingi ng pera sa kanyang nanay sa probinsya....

Anak :

Nay,
padalhan niyo ako ng pang tuition ko. Alam niyo namang mahal
dito sa Maynila.
Ito ang tugon ng kanyang ina sa sulat.

Anak,

Ito na ang 50 thousand na pang tuition mo, Pinagbili na namin ng tatay mo
yung kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng Counterstrike na kurso.
Wala na rin yung mga baboy natin, napagbenta ko na din para sa project na
sinasabi mong N75 ba yun? Medyo ang mahal nga ng mga project mo anak.
Kasama din dun yung pitong libo para sa field trip niyo sa Mall of Asia.
Malayo ba iyon anak? Isasanla pa namin ng tatay mo ang palayan para pambili
mong instrumento sa Music class mo yung Ipod ba yun anak? Kamusta na yung
dati mong project? Napailaw niyo ba ng mga classmates mo yung Sanmig
lights?
Sana makagraduate ka at sana nasa mabuti kang kalagayan..

Nagmamahal,
Ang iyong Ina

Arab Student Send an Email

2010-07-16T18:00:00.000+08:00

Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,
I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when
all my Teachers travel by train.
Your Son

Nasser

----------------------------------------------

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

Loving son,

Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop
embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.

Your Dad

Love Qoutation | Kilig

2010-07-16T17:55:00.000+08:00

Use LEFT EAR for Cellphone-----Must Read

2010-07-12T23:33:00.000+08:00

Please use LEFT EAR while using cell (mobile), because if you use the right one it will affect brain directly. This is a true fact from Appollo medical team. Please forward to all your well wishers.

God Has Amazing Things in Store for You

2010-07-09T22:41:00.000+08:00

God has seen you struggling (with something), and he says it's over.

A blessing is coming your way. If you believe in God send to ten people, please don't ignore.

God has seen you struggling,

God says it's over. A blessing is coming your way. If you believe in God send to ten people, please don't ignore, you are being tested.

God Has Amazing Things in Store for You

(This is a powerful prayer)

Stars do not struggle to shine; rivers do not struggle to flow, and you will never struggle to excel in life, because you deserve the best. Hold on to your dreams and it shall be well with you.. Amen.

The eyes beholding this message shall not behold evil, the hand that will send this message to others shall not labor in vain, the mouth saying Amen to this prayer shall laugh forever, and remain in God's love.

Good morning, your dream will not die, your plans will not fail, your destiny will not be aborted, and the desires of your heart will be granted in Jesus' name. Say a big Amen and if you believe it, send it to all your friends. Money will know your name and address before the end of this month. If you believe, send it back to all your friends. None goes to the river early in the morning and brings dirty water. As you are up this morning, may your life be clean, calm and clear like the early morning water. May the grace of the Almighty support, sustain and supply all your needs according to His riches in glory. Amen.

Love the Lord Have a wonderful day in Jesus' name.

The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you. I see something good happening to you, something that you have been waiting to experience. This is not a joke; you are going to receive a divine visitation that will move your life forward mightily by the outworking of God's unstoppable Power.

Do not break this prayer; You are Blessed beyond all curses in Jesus' name

Maya Angelou | Oprah's Interview

2010-07-09T22:29:00.002+08:00

Read to the end, you will laugh just picturing it happening.

I love the thoughts she lives by!!!
I didn't break the elastic...

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.

And, there on television, she said it was 'exciting...'

Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day.....like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.
The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!
Maya Angelou said this:
'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'
'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.'
'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'
'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'
'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'
'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back....'
'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'
'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'
'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.. People love a warm hug or just a friendly pat on the back...'
'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.'
'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'
Please send this to five phenomenal women today... and back to me if you think i'm one also.
If you do, something good will happen: You will boost another woman's self-esteem.
If you don't....the elastic will break and your underpants will fall down around your ankles!
Believe me, I didn't take any chances on MY elastic breaking.....I sent it to a lot of special women I care for.

The Package

2010-07-08T23:04:00.002+08:00

The Package

He opened his wife's dresser drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:
This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package."
He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.
"She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on, was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:
"Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion".
I still think those words changed my life.
Now I read more and clean less.
I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.
I spend more time with my family, and less at work.
I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day.. I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.
I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. The words "Someday..." and "One Day..." are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.
I would regret it, because I would no longer see the friends I would meet, letters... that I wanted to write
"One of these days".
I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say to my brother and sisters, son and daughters, not times enough at least, how much
I love them.
Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives..
And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day..
Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.
If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, there's someone you care about.
If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it "One of these days", remember that "One day" is far away... or might never come...
No matter if you're superstitious or not, spend some time reading it.
It holds useful messages for the soul.
Don't keep this message.
This Tantra must leave your hands within 96 hours.
Send copies and watch what goes on in the next four days.
You'll have a pleasant surprise.
This is true, even if you're not superstitious.
Now, here's the fun of it:

send this message to at least 5 people and your life improves.
0-4 people: your life improves slightly.
5-9 people: your life improves according to your expectations !
9-14 people: you'll have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks.
15 or more people: your life improves drastically and your dreams start to take shape.

Read only if you have time for God

2010-07-08T22:56:00.001+08:00

Read only if you have time for God

Let me tell you, make sure you read all the way to the bottom. I almost deleted this email but I was blessed when I got to the end
God, when I received this e-mail, I thought...
I don't have time for this... And, this is really inappropriate during work.
Then, I realized that this kind of thinking is... Exactly, what has caused lot of the problems in our world today.
We try to keep God in church on Sunday morning...
Maybe, Sunday night...
And, the unlikely event of a midweek service.
We do like to have Him around during sickness...
And, of course, at funerals.
However, we don't have time, or room, for Him during work or play...
Because.. That's the part of our lives we think... We can, and should, handle on our own.
May God forgive me for ever thinking...
That.. there is a time or place where..
HE is not to be FIRST in my life.
We should always have time to remember all HE has done for us.
If, You aren't ashamed to do this...
Please follow the directions.
Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father."
Not ashamed?
Pass this on ONLY IF YOU MEAN IT!!
Yes, I do Love God.
HE is my source of existence and Savior.
He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I will be nothing. But, with Christ, HE strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)
This is the simplest test.
If You Love God... And, are not ashamed of all the marvelous things HE has done for you...
Send this to ten people and the person who sent it to you!
Now do you have the time to pass it on?
Make sure that you scroll through to the end.
Easy vs. Hard
Why is it so hard to tell the truth but Yet so easy to tell a lie?
Why are we so sleepy in church but Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?
Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e-mail, but yet we forward all of the nasty ones?
Of all the free gifts we may receive, Prayer is the very best one....
There are no costs, but wonderful rewards... GOD BLESS!
Notes: Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Isn't it funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God).
Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing?
Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.
Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me.
I pray, for everyone who sends this to their entire address book, they will be blessed by God in a way special for them.
And send it back to the person who sent it, to let them know that indeed it was sent out to many more.

TIPS PARA SA LIGTAS, MAGINHAWA, AT DI MALILIMUTANG -bob ong

2010-07-08T22:45:00.000+08:00

TIPS PARA SA LIGTAS, MAGINHAWA, AT DI MALILIMUTANG

PAMAMAALAM SA MUNDO:

1. Bago ang lahat, alamin muna ang tamang dahilan sa
pagsu-suicide. Kung ang problema mo lamang ay dahil sa
wala kang pera o iniwan ka ng minamahal mo, hindi ka
dapat magpakatiwakal. Ang mundo ay tambak ng mga tao
na pwede mong mahalin at ang pera ay pwede mong
kitain, kaya hindi ka dapat mawalan ng pag-asa.

2. Kung desidido ka na sa gagawin mong pagpapakamatay
at sa tingin mo meron kang tamang dahilan para gawin
ito, ang susunod mong hakbang ay ang pagpili ng PARAAN
NG PAGPAPAKAMATAY. Ang mga popular na paraan ay ang
pagbibigti, pag-inom ng lason, pagtalon sa riles ng
tren, pagbaril sa ulo (o sa puso kung wala ka ng ulo
pero buhay ka pa din) at paglaslas ng pulso. Ang mga
jologs naman na paraan ay ang pagtalon sa EDSA at
pagpigil ng hininga. Tandaan, maari kang mabuhay pag
nagkamali ka sa pagsasagawa ng mga nabanggtit, kaya
pumili lamang ng isa na HIYANG sa'yo. Bukod dyan,
marami rin sa mga paraang ito ang MAKALAT at
NAKAKA-PANGIT. Dyahe naman kung pagtitinginan ng mga
tao yung mukha mo sa ataul tapos mukha kang dehydrated
na langaw.

3. Sumulat ng suicide note. Ito ang exciting. Dito
pwede mong sisihin lahat ng tao at wala silang
magagawa. Sabihin mo na hindi mo gustong tapusin ang
buhay mo kaso lang bad trip silang lahat. Pero wag din
kakalimutang humingi ng tawad sa bandang huli para mas
cool pag ginawa ni Carlo J. Caparas ang buhay mo. At
tandaan, IMPORTANTE ANG SUICIDE NOTE para malaman ng
mga tao na nagpakamatay ka nga at hindi na-murder. Sa
ganitong paraan, maiiwasan ng PNP ang pagkuha sa kalye
ng kahit sinong tambay bilang suspect.

4. Pumili ng THEME SONG. Banggitin ang iyong special
request sa suicide note. Ipagbilin ng pagtugtugin nito
sa prusisyon ng iyong libing. IWASAN ang mga kanta ng
Salbakuta. DAPAT MEDYO MELLOW at MEANINGFUL... tulad
ng mga kanta ng Sexbomb.

5. Isulat ng MAAYOS ang suicide note. PRINT. Iwasang
magbura. Gumamit ng scented stationary at #1 mongol
pencil. Lagdaan. Wag gumamit ng sticker. Ilagay ang
suicide note sa MADALING MAKITA. IDIKIT SA NOO.

6. PLANUHIN ANG ISUSUOT. Tandaan, minsan ka lang
mamamatay, kaya dapat memorable ang get-up. Pumili ng
mga telang di umuurong o makati sa katawan. Magbaon ng
dalawang pares pampalit pag pinagpawisan ka.

7. Kumuha ng de-kalidad na ataul. Maganda ang kulay
puti dahil malamig at kumportable kahit tag-init.
Huwag magtipid. Mas makakamura kung bibili ng cable
ready kesa magpapalit pa balang araw.

8. Pumili ng magandang pwesto sa sementeryo. Ang
puntod ng mga taong ipinanganak sa year of the rat,
dragon, rabbit, snake, tiger, chicken, pork, at beef
ay dapat nakaharap sa Fiesta Carnival. Ang mga
ipinanganak sa ibang taon ay dapat i-cremate at gawing
foot powder para gumaan ang pasok ng pera.

9. Itaon ang araw ng libing sa unang dalawang linggo
ng buwan o di kaya'y huling dalawang linggo para
gumaan ang pasok ng pera.

10. Kung meron ka ng NBI, at police clearance,
affidavit of loss, voter's ID, promissory note,
original copy of birth certificate, at urine sample,
pwde mo ng isagawa ang kalugod-lugod na gawain.
Siguraduhin lang na di ka mababalita sa tabloid katabi
ng mga article tungkol sa kabayong tatlo ang ulo, at
sirenang namataan sa Manila Bay para gumaan ang pasok
ng pera.

-bob ong

Blonde Guy Joke

2010-07-08T22:37:00.005+08:00

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait !!!!
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blond e opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned ! beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
(Oh this is GOOD!!)?
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

Jack & Diane|A Love Story

2010-07-08T21:28:00.000+08:00

Jack and Diane - A Love Story
Nakakaiyak 'to...

They'd known each other since their school days and had since become the best of friends. They shared everything and anything and spent lots
time together in and after school. But the friendship never developed into
anything deeper.

Diane kept a secret: her admiration and love for Jack. She had her reasons for keeping it a secret. FEAR. Fear of rejection... fear that he might not feel the same... fear that he might not want to be her best friend
anymore... fear of losing someone that she could always find comfort in.

At least if she kept her feelings to herself she would still be able to
spend time with him... and hopefully, he would be the one to tell her how he felt towards her.

Time passed, and soon school was over.

Jack and Diane went separate ways. Jack continued his studies overseas, while Diane got herself a job. They still kept in touch though... penned letters, sent each other photographs, and mailed each other gifts.
Diane longed for Jack to be back.

She decided that she would tell him her feelings once he got back. And then out of the blue... the mails from Jack stopped coming. Diane wrote to him, but there was never a reply. Where was he? What happened? Lots of quest ions ran through her mind...

Two years passed and Diane was still hopeful that Jack would come back... or at least send her a note. And then her prayers were answered. One mid-August day, she received a note from Jack. It said:

Diane, I have a surprise for you. I'm flying over. Meet me at the airport. My flight comes in at 4pm on Saturday. I can't wait to see you again!
There's something I need to tell you, something I've been keeping inside all this time.

Love & Kisses,
Jack

Diane's fingers shook as she read the note. Her heart soared. Diane was thrilled. Love and kisses... it meant a lot for a lady who had waited so long for those words. She was ecstatic!

The day arrived, and Diane waited anxiously for Jack. She had slipped into her best dress, and did her best to look as pretty as she could. She looked around... but Jack was nowhere in sight. She waited and waited, wondering what she would say to Jack when he got there, what their
meeting would be like. Would there be love in his eyes? Would there be longing, bred from years of separation and hiding each others' feelings?

Oh, how she longed to see him! How she longed to throw her arms around him and tell him she was a fool to ever let him go without ever telling him how she felt! And she was certain Jack felt it too. There was always a certain magic about them when they were together.

Then a lady in a sexy, tight, blue dress approached her. She had a very concerned look on her face, "Hi! I'm Lynn, a friend of Jack. Are you Diane?" she asked. Diane just nodded her head.

"I'm afraid I... I have bad news for you. Jack is not coming... he won't be coming back anymore," said the lady, placing a hand on Diane's shoulder. Diane shook her head in confusion. She felt her heart constrict.

What could possibly have happened? Diane felt an overwhelming fear inside her. Her hands turned cold. Her voice shook as she asked: "Where... where's Jack? What happened to him? Please tell me..."

Diane begged the lady...

The lady looked intently at Diane... and then she gave Diane a nudge on the shoulder and said...

"HOY GAGA! IT'S ME, JACK... JACKILYN!! DI MO NA AKO NAKILALA?! ANG GANDA-GANDA KO NGAYON, DI VAAAAH?! ECHUSERA KA NAMAN MASYADO SISTER!
KAKALOKA KAH HUH!! TEKA, SANDALI... MEET MY 'PAPA'!!"

Qoutes |Mother Teresa

2010-07-08T20:35:00.000+08:00

MOTHER TERESA
1910-1997

IN HER OWN WORDS

“Do not wait for leaders;
do it alone,
person to person.”

Mother Teresa taught us by her sample what it really means to ‘live’ the Gospel

“I think today the world is upside down, and is suffering so much because there is so very little love in the home, and in family life. We have no time for our children, we have no time for each other, there is no time to enjoy each other.”

“Love begins at home; love lives in homes, and that is why there is so much suffering and so much unhappiness in the world today...Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world.”

"I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience?" -- 1974 interview.

ON POVERTY

"When I see waste here, I feel angry on the inside. I don't approve of myself getting angry. But it's something you can't help after seeing Ethiopia." -- Washington 1984.

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.”

“The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.”

“There is more hunger in the world for love and appreciation than for bread.”

“We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.”

ON WAR

"I have never been in a war before, but I have seen famine and death. I was asking (myself), 'What do they feel when they do this?' I don't understand it. They are all children of God. Why do they do it? I don't understand."

"Please choose the way of peace. ... In the short term there may be winners and losers in this war that we all dread. But that never can, nor never will justify the suffering, pain and loss of life your weapons will cause."

-- Letter to U.S. President George Bush and Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, January 1991.

-- Beirut 1982, during fighting between the Israeli army and Palestinian guerrillas.

ON ABORTION

Abortion "is murder in the womb ... A child is a gift of God. If you do not want him, give him to me."

“The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion because if a mother can kill her own child, what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing between.”

“It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.”

"The other day I dreamed that I was at the gates of heaven. And St. Peter said, 'Go back to Earth. There are no slums up here.'"

-- Quoted as telling Prince Michael of Greece in 1996.

ON HER LIFE’S WORK

“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”

“The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it.”

ON LOVE

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

“I try to give to the poor people for love what the rich could get for money. No, I wouldn't touch a leper for a thousand pounds; yet I willingly cure him for the love of God.”

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

“I am not sure exactly what heaven will be like, but I do know that when we die and it comes time for God to judge us, he will NOT ask, How many good things have you done in your life?, rather he will ask, How much LOVE did you put into what you did?”

“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.”

“Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.”

Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.

Good works are links that form a chain of love.

“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

“Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.”

“I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.”

“I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness.”

“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.”

ON SERVING GOD

“In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.”

“Many people mistake our work for our vocation. Our vocation is the love of Jesus.”

“Sweetest Lord, make me appreciative of the dignity of my high vocation, and its many responsibilities. Never permit me to disgrace it by giving way to coldness, unkindness, or impatience.”

“There should be less talk; a preaching point is not a meeting point. What do you do then? Take a broom and clean someone's house. That says enough.”

“Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go.”

“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.”

“Words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness.”

“At the end of our lives, we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made or how many great things we have done. We will be judged by ‘I was hungry and you gave me to eat. I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless and you took me in.’” ’”

If you haven’t yet received Jesus into your heart, you can do it now by repeating this little prayer:

“Dear Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God and my Savior. I need Your love to cleanse me from my mistakes and wrongdoings. I need your light to drive away all darkness. I need your peace to fill and satisfy my heart. I now open the door of my heart and ask You to please come into my life and give me your gift of eternal life. Amen”

“Jesus is my God.
Jesus is my Husband.
Jesus is my Life.
Jesus is my only Love.
Jesus is my All!”

“If we want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

Losing the Romance

2010-07-08T20:25:00.000+08:00

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?

And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.
Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow...."
My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear,

"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.."

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to saved my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.."

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win argumen t..

Special Grocery List

2010-07-08T16:31:00.001+08:00

Louise Redden, a poorly
dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store.

She approached the owner of the store in a most humble
manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries.

She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed
food.

John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store at once.

Visualizing the family needs, she said: 'Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can.'

John told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have a charge account at his store.

Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family. The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, 'Do you have a grocery list?'

Louise replied, 'Yes sir.' 'O.K' he said, 'put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries..'

Louise hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.

The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.

The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, 'I can't believe it.'

The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.

The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.

It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said:

'Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands.'

The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence.

Louise thanked him and left the store... The other customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said; 'It was worth every penny of it. Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs..'

THE POWER: When you receive this, say a prayer. That's all you have to do.

Just stop right now, and say a prayer of thanks for your own good fortune. Then please send this to all your friends and relatives.

I believe if you will send this testimony out with prayer in faith, you will receive what you need God to do in your and your families' life .

So dear heart, trust God to heal the sick, provide food for the hungry, clothes and shelter for those that don't have as we do. Amen & Amen

Don't break this, please!
Prayer is one of the best free gifts we
receive.

There is no cost but a lot of rewards.
May you always walk with Angels
God Bless!

Beware of older men - they only get wiser!

2010-07-08T16:30:00.001+08:00

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am? 'About 32,' is the reply.'

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question..

The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'

The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question..

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fine way to tell how old a woman was.

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra..

Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.

She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says,'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?

'I promise I won't' she says.

'I was behind you at McDonalds.

Husbands for Sale!!!

2010-07-08T16:28:00.000+08:00

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There is, however, a catch ....

You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down - except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking, and help with the housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day! Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!