Latest posts on Email Jokes PG13

Why teachers drink - Brilliant! contributed by TheSimpsons

Mon, 20 May 2013 08:17:23 +0200

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This is ..........AFRICA !!!!! contributed by TheSimpsons

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:46:10 +0200

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Seems like someone has misplaced their huge rubber ducky in HongKong (May 2013) contributed by zero

Fri, 17 May 2013 04:19:58 +0200

Rugby teams are like ... contributed by zero

Fri, 17 May 2013 00:23:46 +0200

HUSBANDS & WIVES SNIPPETS !! contributed by TheSimpsons

Thu, 16 May 2013 04:21:28 +0200

A Special Package for Businessmen.
An Airline introduced a special package for Business men.
Buy your ticket; get your wife's ticket free.
After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking
how the trip was.
All of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"

New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and decides to surprise
her husband who is seated on the couch in the Living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number:
"Hello Darling."
The husband responds in a low tone:
"Let me call you back later Honey, the stupid woman is in the kitchen.

Cool message by a wife
Dear Mother-in-law,
"Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours
& he needs a lot of improvement"

Throwing knives at wife's picture
Husband was throwing knives at his wife's picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."

Habit of talking in sleep
A lady to doctor: My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What
should I give him to cure it?
Dr: Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake.

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN
Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate, hurricanes to
swirl around & no one teaches a man how to choose a wife.
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

Your husband needs rest
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some
sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!

(276 words)

Gender Logic contributed by Zenith

Thu, 16 May 2013 00:43:38 +0200

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Gatte van vergelyking contributed by SS

Tue, 14 May 2013 00:18:25 +0200

LEKKER LOSGAT AFRIKAANS, OU MOANGAT!!

Gatte van vergelyking =))

Oupa - kromgat ..
Ouma - bromgat ..
Mamma - klagat ..
Pappa - luigat ..
Boetie - windgat .
Sussie - wipgat
Baba - stinkgat..
Maar ... jy my vrind ..

Is .. BAKGAT!!

Indien jy die nie aanstuur nie is jy slapgat!!! ?

(44 words)

THINGS YOU DON'T SEE VERY OFTEN !! contributed by SS

Mon, 13 May 2013 03:50:44 +0200

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Cyclist vs (un)diplomatic security personnel in Pretoria - Roper Street. contributed by zero

Mon, 13 May 2013 00:42:39 +0200

Gas pump prank turns couple into Internet sensation contributed by QuickSand

Sun, 12 May 2013 07:48:16 +0200

Old age ... never gets old .. contributed by TheSimpsons

Sun, 12 May 2013 03:58:13 +0200

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
Walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend:
"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.
Those people walk just like that."

The other student says:
"No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome.
He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They
approached him
And one of the students said to him,
"We're medical students and couldn't help
But notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you
might have.
Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said,
"I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students
think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"

(214 words)

Breast Feeding Causes Traffic Jam contributed by TheSimpsons

Sun, 12 May 2013 00:22:12 +0200

TWENTY EIGHT LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE contributed by TheSimpsons

Fri, 10 May 2013 07:14:04 +0200

1 .. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God and I didn't .
2 .. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it..
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them..
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke .
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.... Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder .
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe .
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes .
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up .
18 . Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken .
24 .. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
26 .. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music .
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

(280 words)

Future of paper contributed by DS

Fri, 10 May 2013 04:39:42 +0200

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The Princess that melted everything she touched ... contributed by TheSimpsons

Thu, 09 May 2013 16:42:29 +0200

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS..

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what;

Metal,

Wood,

Stone,

Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,
'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands,
she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter
an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's
wealth...

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not
melt.
But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,
'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily
ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?

M&M's of course.

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking??

I WORRY ABOUT YOU SOMETIMES!!!!

(293 words)

Old vs. Young contributed by SS

Thu, 09 May 2013 12:44:22 +0200

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