Embrace Your Changing Self

Two Brains

2012-01-31T21:01:00.000-05:00

We've known for decades about the vastly different consciousness found in the verbal, left half of the brain and the non-verbal right half of the brain. The most famous initial research was done by Roger Sperry. Sperry studied epileptic patients who had undergone a special operation to control their seizures. This operation severs the "corpus callosum", a set of nerves that allow the two halves of the brain to talk to each other. Sperry showed that such patients react totally differently when information is presented to their left eye or ear versus when it is presented to their right eye or ear. Through this research, he showed that the left brain is logical and verbal, and the right brain is intuitive and visual. Sperry won the Nobel Prize in 1973 for this work. Here's a link to a You Tube video showing one of the patients studied by Sperry and his colleague Micheal Gazzaniga: Video of Split Brain Patient

What is even more amazing about the experience that Jill Bolte Taylor describes in her book My Stroke of Insight is that she didn't just see an image for a few seconds with her right brain and then another image for a few seconds with her left brain. Her left brain SHUT DOWN for over two weeks due to a near fatal stroke. And because she was a Neuro-anatomist at Harvard University, she was uniquely positioned to describe later exactly what it was like to shift all of her consciousness to the silent, intuitive, perceptive right brain. And she found that it brought a peace and joy and feeling of oneness with the universe that sounds exactly like the experience of mystics everywhere.

Most Amazing Interview I've Ever Seen

2012-01-25T22:16:00.003-05:00

Last week, my wife and I watched Oprah Winfrey, in her "Super Soul Sunday" show on the Oprah Winfrey Network, interview Jill Bolte Taylor, a woman who--if she could do it all over again--would choose once again to suffer a near fatal stroke that shut down half her brain for weeks. The stroke, which she writes about in her book, "My Stroke of Insight", instantly shifted her into the state of mind that mystics of all religions spend years striving to achieve. Taylor got more than a glimpse of this state. She was in this state of pure bliss for weeks, and has successfully resisted returning to the habitual negative thoughts that make bliss impossible.

It's been just over 15 years since she had the stroke at the age of 37. It took more than 7 years for her to remember a single thing that happened to her before the stroke. And yet, she told Oprah, if she could decide whether to do it all over again she would choose to have the stroke. She is glad to have been "reborn" a more enlightened person who her friends tell her is happier, funnier, lighter, and more compassionate than the old Jill Bolte Taylor.

Why was her stroke a "Stroke of Insight"? Ironically, before the stroke, she worked as a researcher in Neuro-anatomy at Harvard University. Although the stroke caused her to lose most of her memory and training, she still has obvious mastery of how the brain functions and how her stroke played a role in her experiences. To hear her own perspective, here is a link to a video in which Taylor describes her "stroke of insight": Jill Bolte Taylor's speech. Also, here is her homepage: JBT's homepage. My summary of her experience is this: the stroke caused the left side of her brain to shut down for several weeks. The left side of the brain is well known to be the place--the ONLY place--in the brain that describes the world in words. When the stroke shut the left braindown, Jill had to see the world purely through her right brain. The intuitive, spacial, artistic, emotional non-verbal right brain. And this pure right brain perception caused her to see reality as one holy whole. Taylor's description of the experience is no different than the descriptions I've read from Buddhists and other mystics across various cultures, religions, countries, and centuries.

It seems to me that she was a brain-damaged Buddha. The Buddha sits in the right side of each of our brains. Our brains don't need to be improved. The Buddha is already there, latent, waiting to be released. All we need to do is put our logical left brains on pause. Just for a little while. Then we will experience the world through our right brains. And see reality exactly the same way that the mystics see reality.

I've read other books about research into the differences between the left and right hemispheres of the brain, especially Robert Ornstein's, "The Psychology of Consciousness". This book describes brilliant experiments with epileptic patients whose seizures could not be controlled until surgeons cut the nerves connecting the left and right hemispheres of the brain. When I read Ornstein's book in the 1990's, I was blown away by the clean break between the consciousness of the verbal/logical left brain and the consciousness of the intuitive/spiritual and utterly illiterate and blissful right brain. The extraordinary difference between Ornstein's research and Bolte's account is Bolte's prolonged immersion in pure right brain consciousness.

I'm grateful to Jill Taylor Bolte for sharing her experience so that the rest of us, without having to experience a life threatening stroke, can get a glimpse of the consciousness we all possess but which few of us know how to tap into. Her experience reinforces my personal philosophy that my Buddhism isn't a religion. It's just a practice that helps me tap into something natural, concrete, and substantial: the stuff contained in the right hand side of my skull.

It's the Donuts

2012-01-22T18:40:00.000-05:00

It's the donuts in the infamous "Donut Burger". It's the sweet tea. It's the sugar she adds to all her recipes. These are the reasons Paula Deen has developed diabetes.

I keep reading or hearing news stories blaming Deen's illness on both her tendency to use sugar and her tendency to use butter. But butter doesn't raise your insulin levels. Only carbs can do that.

Pick your weight loss challenge: Difficulty or Doubt?

2012-01-15T19:20:00.001-05:00

After reading Gary Taubes book, "Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It", I've concluded that there are two basic challenges to losing weight. It depends on your diet. If you eat lots of carbohydrates, the challenge will be how DIFFICULT it is to lose weight. If you go with low carbs, losing weight will be easy, but you will be haunted by DOUBT.

If you eat the typical American diet, a diet recommended by your doctor, or one of the diets that most experts consider healthy, such as the diets by Dr. Ornish, you will eat too many carbohydrates. Insulin will be elevated, such that your body will be inclined to maintain a high level of fat. You can starve yourself but that is DIFFICULT. You can exercise and burn off some of the fat. But studies show that, if your insulin is high, your body will fight back. It doesn't want to lose fat. If you burn fat with exercise, your body will make you extra hungry to persuade you to eat again to replace the fat. Your body will also make you feel lethargic, trying to force you to be sedentary, so that it can redirect any calories you eat to replacing the fat that you burned. As long as your carb intake is high, weight loss may be possible, but it will be DIFFICULT. You'll either feel hungry or you'll force yourself to exercise in spite of feeling no energy.

If you eat low carbs, on the other hand, losing weight is easy. Your fat "thermostat" is set on low. Your body wants to store less fat. When you eat, your body wants you to either build muscle or burn the fuel with physical activity. You feel energy that makes it easy to exercise. But you are haunted by DOUBT. All the experts tell you that, "Obviously, you are eating fat and will get fat. Your cholesterol will rise. You'll clog your arteries." These experts will quote the American Heart Association, and the AHA will quote other experts, who quote other experts, but nobody cites any convincing, unbiased, scientific experiments. The best studies I've seen favor the low carb position. But can all those experts be wrong? Can all these doctors be wrong? When you eat a low carb diet, the biggest challenge you face, the thing that is most likely to cause you to give up, is DOUBT.

First, lose the weight. Then silence the critics.

2012-01-11T22:48:00.004-05:00

I've lost 8 pounds since I started a low carb diet 9 days ago. I'll continue with very low carbs until my Body Mass Index (BMI) falls well within the "Normal" range. What they call "Normal" is actually quite thin, but I still hope to get at least into the upper half of the range. See the following hyperlink: "BMI Calculator".

Once I lose the weight, then what? Then I have to silence the critics. Most "experts"--doctors, the American Heart Association, the US Department of Agriculture with it's "Food Pyramid"--most of these experts condemn low carb diets. Do I think that the conventional wisdom is wrong?

Yes. Personally I think the minority of experts and studies cited in books such as "Why We Get Fat and What to Do About it", by Gary Taubes, make a far more convincing case. Here, for example, is a link to a Stanford University study comparing low carb Atkins to other diets: A to Z Diet Study. The study evaluated over 300 people who followed 5 popular diets for a year. The study unexpectedly found people who followed an Atkins Diet had far better cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood pressure than those who followed higher carb diets, such as those of Dr. Ornish, whose diet most experts regard as far healthier. Here is a quote from the "A to Z Diet Study": The recent trials, like the current study, have consistently reported that triglycerides, HDL-C, blood pressure, and measures of insulin resistance either were not significantly different or were more favorable for the very-low-carbohydrate groups.

Although I believe that, when it comes to low carb diets, the majority of experts are wrong and the minority are right, although I buy the arguments of Taubes, Atkins, and other low carb advocates, I can't help but feel the heat of the critics. They make me have doubts. So once I reach my target weight, I need to silence them, or at least to silence the doubts they plant in my head.

I've been eating nothing but meats, proteins, cheese, and almost all vegetables except carrots, corns and root vegetables such as potatoes. I'll keep doing this for a month or two until I'm at my target weight. Then I'll start to hear critics in my head.

Dr. Oz will say, "What about anti-oxidants from fruit?" No problem. I'll add back in the fruits with the most anti-oxidants per carb: berries such as raspberries, blackberries, and blueberries. They'll go great with my salads.
Mediterranean and Flat Belly Diet advocates will say, "Are you getting enough healthy fats?" I can respond that I'm already getting Omega 3 fatty acids from leafy greens. But I'm happy to use olive oil in dressings and cooking, to eat avocados. I love walnuts and almonds in my salads and my yogurt and as a snack. And, whenever possible, I eat fish rather than hamburger or steak.
The Complex Carb advocates will say, "How can you get enough fiber?" I can respond that I have a ton of vegetables and a little bit of fruit each day. And I might be willing to sprinkle high fiber oat bran in my yogurt to give it some crunch.
Finally the French will say, "But monsieur!!!!! Studies show a link between longer lifespans and enjoyment of 1-2 alcoholic beverages per day. Our approach in France is especially healthy because of the antioxidant resveratol in our red wine". I'll reply: Voila! I have a solution! I'll have a glass or two of red wine every day. As long as my weight doesn't go up, I'm willing to make this sacrifice to silence the French.

At this point, what do the critics have left to throw at me? The lack of cookies, crackers, pasta, desserts, potatoes, rice, sweet fruits, and other sugars and starches in my diet? Sorry, but none of these provide essential nutrients that I can't get elsewhere in my diet. And, due to their sugars and starches, they are the root cause of obesity, diabetes, and are linked to cancer and other illnesses rarely seen in low carb cultures. As a final act to silence the critics, I'll schedule a full lipids blood test with my doctor and fully expect to find better cholesterol and triglycerides than in last year's test.

2.5 Million Years of Low Carb Diets

2012-01-08T18:53:00.001-05:00

The conventional wisdom is that low carbohydrate diets are a "fad", an extreme deviation from a normal, healthy, human diet. One of the points that Gary Taubes makes in his book, "Why we Get Fat and What to Do About It", is that humans have eaten low carb diets for almost all of their 2.5 million years of existence.

For 99.6% of that 2.5 million years, humans were hunter-gatherers. In 2000, Loren Cordain and others published their analysis of the diets of hunter-gatherers in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Here is a hyperlink to the original article: Plant-animal subsistance ratios . . . in Hunter-Gatherer Diets. The authors compared the diets of 229 hunter-gather populations that survived long enough past 1900 to have their diets documented by anthropologists. They undertook this study to estimate the likely, typical nutritional content of human hunter-gather diets for the last 2.5 million years.

From the documentation, they estimated the level of carbohydrates, protein, and fat in the diet of these hunter-gathering societies all over the world. They concluded that most of these populations ate high protein and fat and relatively low carbs. Thus the diet that many assume to be a fad is actually the way people have eaten for most of human history.

Sugar, Starch, and Beer Belly

2012-01-03T22:01:00.001-05:00

Does overeating make us fat? No. Fat makes us overeat.

This is a key theme in Gary Taubes book, "Why we Get Fat". The cycle of being overweight starts with hormones. Hormones set the body's target level of fat. Not just for a few people with diabetes or other upsets. Hormones set the fat target for every person or animal at any point in their lives.

Once the target for fat is set, if the target is set high--if the body decides to have a lot of fat--the body will feel hungry until we eat enough to maintain that fat. Fat, then, causes overeating. This defies the conventional wisdom that overeating causes fat. Quite the opposite.

What if we ignore the root cause of fat--hormonal imbalance--and try to "burn" the fat with exercise? According to Taubes, research shows this almost never works. The exercise literally causes us to "work up an appetite". The hormones are still calling the shots, ensuring that we eat again to return the fat to target. We either eat more or get lethargic to conserve whatever calories come in so that they can be redirected to the body's goal of staying fat.

Taubes cites many studies, but the ones I found most compelling involved laboratory rats. If their hormones were manipulated to set a high target for body fat, they did whatever was needed to build up this fat. If their calories were restricted, first they would get more and more sedentary so that calories would go to building fat. Further calorie restrictions would cause the rats to preserve fat at the expens of weak muscles and bones, smaller brains, and weaker hearts. In a few experiments in which they were starved, they DIED fat. Hopefully these cruel experiments are never repeated, but they do make a point.

So what to do about this? The most important hormone to control, by keeping it at the lowest level possible, is insulin. The only way to minimize insulin it to eat fewer carbohydrates. The author shows tremendous research supporting the idea that low carb diets are by far the most effective way to reduce fat with a variety of health benefits.

Taubes book is a big part of the reason I started a low carb diet yesterday.

Raising the Bar for the New Year

2012-01-01T21:21:00.001-05:00

This is my New Year's Resolution: raise my typical, weekly "Good Habits" score from 70% to 80%.

What is my "Good Habits" score? This is a system I started about 2 years ago and described in a past post ("Geeks Guide to Discipline"). It's a Geeky way of keeping myself honest. It's an Excel file in which I track how often I'm doing the things, like exercising, that I think I should be doing.

Here's how it works. There are 4 good habits that I want to track.

Exercise
Meditation
Writing in a journal or blog
Healthy diet

On any given day, if I do any of these things, I give myself 1 point in my Excel sheet. I can earn up to 4 points per day and 28 points per week (4 x 7).

My goal is less than 100% per week. I don't expect to be successful in all 4 areas every day. I don't want to be that much of a perfectionist. I want to be free to have a few too many beers some days or to skip exercise or meditation or writing if I worked a lot of hours or I had a bad day. So my goal in 2010 and 2011 was just 70%. If I got 20 out of the 28 possible points in a week, I would meet my 70% goal. The chart above are my actual results for all of 2011. I averaged about 68%, just short of my goal. I had some bad weeks, especially when traveling on business, and I had good ones too.

In 2012, I'm raising the bar. 80%. I need 25 out of 28 points. I'm starting a low carbohydrate diet/lifestyle change tomorrow that will help me reach the new target because I think my diet will be good almost every day. Wish me luck!

It's a Wonderful Life

2011-12-28T23:21:00.001-05:00

Over the holidays, for the first time, our family watched Frank Capra's wonderful Christmas classic movie, "It's a Wonderful Life". What a film.

Jimmy Stewart played the lead role of George Bailey. I felt that the theme of the film was how--if you are a person who makes choices with family, friends, and community in mind--it is easy to feel cheated. It is easy to feel as if you never have control.

In the movie, George compromised all his life out of love. He gave up college so that his brother could go instead. He gave up travel to Europe for his brother and his community. He gave up an idyllic honeymoon to prevent a collapse of the neighborhood bank. When things got really bad, George was ready to commit suicide. He felt that the proceeds from his life insurance would be worth more to his family than his own life.

The angel, Clarence, showed him how much his life was really worth. Clarence showed him the positive impact of his choices on his brother, his family, and his community. George came to realize that all the compromises he had made, all the sacrifices for the greater good, were still HIS choices. He saw that, as he made these choices, he was in control. He reflected on the life that he had been resenting. And he realized that "It's a Wonderful Life."

This reminds me of something I described in a post in November. I was talking about the feeling that we get when we have a family that it is never OUR time, that everything we do is for our families or for our work, that we've lost control. Here's a link to that post: http://embraceyourchangingself.blogspot.com/2011/11/when-is-it-my-time.html

In that post, I noted that it helps to make sure that we do a few things entirely for ourselves. Not for family. Not for community. Not for work. Just do a few things for ourselves. If we do this, we're more likely to see that ALL the choices we make are in our control, that they ALL are what we want to do, even when they involve sacrifice for the family or the community. If George Bailey had--at least once--indulged his passions and taken a trip to Europe, he might not have come so close to jumping off a bridge.

Letting go of Demands

2011-12-26T18:56:00.001-05:00

How does one let go of demands? In my last post, I discussed the benefits of preferring, rather than demanding, that things turn out the way we want them to. But how do we do this? When we seek our goals with passion, if things don't go as planned, how do we react with serene acceptance (preferring) rather than frustration or disappointment (demanding)?

I feel that at least part of the answer is to cultivate an awareness of change. Awareness that nothing stays exactly the same moment to moment. As the Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, "You can never step in the same river twice." And when we see that this is true of our health, our relationships, our careers, our communities, our natural environment, and everything else, it becomes easier to set goals in all these areas and accept that the outcome might not be exactly as we wish or expect.

I think this is part of how the practice of Buddhism has "worked" over the centuries, how it has helped practitioners be at least a little bit happier than they would have been without the practice. Buddhist practitioners contemplate Buddha's teachings about the impermanent nature of everything. These teachings help them cultivate intellectual awareness of constant change. To add to that intellectual awareness, they meditate. And as they meditate, they sense the coming and going of their thoughts, of itching, of leg cramps, of back pains, of the relaxation that comes with exhaling, of the pleasure of a deep inhale, of their agitation or sadness or happiness or worry, of sounds, of sights and smells. And thus they experience the reality of constant change. And if they do this daily, they cultivate an emotional understanding of flow that reinforces their intellectual understanding. And then, if they strive at work or at home or in their communities to reach new goals, they are less likely to be surprised or disappointed if things change in ways that they did not expect. Knowing that all of reality is a rushing river, they are less likely to demand control.

No Demands

2011-12-20T20:03:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, Chris and I had a huge argument with one of my kids. The exact reason isn't important. What mattered is that he had insisted on getting his way on something, we refused to give in, and he had a MAJOR meltdown that ruined the evening for the whole family.

The next day, I talked to him at length about the downside of insisting that things turn out the way you want them to, of demanding that you get your way, of having a meltdown when life doesn't give you want you want. I talked to him about replacing all rigid demands in life with preferences. They may be strong preferences, things that you REALLY want and will struggle mightily to achieve. But--when they are preferences--if you ultimately don't get what you want, you can accept this. It doesn't destroy you.

To make the point to him, I read to him a key chapter from Ken Keyes book, "The Power of Unconditional Love". This entire book is about replacing what Keyes calls your "demanding programming" with "preferential programming". To Keyes, this is the fundamental secret for avoiding self-imposed misery. The more you demand from life, the more unhappy you become when things turn out differently than you hoped. If, instead, you prefer things to turn out a certain way, you still strive to grow, learn, and achieve, but you are better prepared for disappointment. This is the wisdom we hope for when we read the "Serenity Prayer":

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to always know the difference.

Reaching my Goals by Helping You with Yours

2011-12-19T21:12:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to believe what seems to be a contradiction. The fastest way to reach my goals at work is to spend some time focusing on other goals: the goals of the other person.

It truly is a virtuous circle, one that creates far more success for everyone than would be possible if each of us focused only on what we want. Every time I go on a business trip and hyper-focus on my priorities, I make slow progress. I've been learning, instead, that even if I spend most of my time executing my plans and going after my goals, I always get more done if I spend a lot of time on other people's goals. If I ask people about their lives, their projects, and if I find ways to help them reach their goals or at least make them feel that somebody cares, I always seem to meet more of my own needs.

It's as if 35 hours spent on my own projects plus 5 hours helping others with their own needs always gives me more results that if I spent 40 hours only on my interests. Plus, it feels good. It creates a feeling of collaboration, an energy and excitement that makes work feel like play.

Mutual Need

2011-12-15T21:25:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite quotes from Keith Ferrazzi's book about networking called "Never Eat Alone" is the following:

"A network functions precisely because there's recognition of mutual need. There's an implicit understanding that investing time and energy in building personal relationships with the right people will pay dividends."

I'm finding that Ferrazzi is right. When interacting with others at work, it's easy to focus almost all conversation on what it takes to deliver the project that has been assigned to me. Why discuss anything else? I was told to deliver a result--call it "X"--and now I'm calling people to get their help. Seems logical, right?

But when I approach things this way, I usually find that my network of contacts isn't very motivated to help. People don't show up to conference calls, don't meet deadlines, don't respond to e-mails.

What is missing? An emphasis on mutual need. I've been told to deliver "X". My contacts around the country have been told by their bosses to deliver "Y". If I only talk about "X" with my contacts, I'm talking about my needs and not theirs. They usually have SOME interest in project "X", assuming the project is truly worth doing. But it may not be as high a priority for them as it is for me. If I'm going to engage my contacts, my interactions with them need to be more of a 2 way street.

I've had much better results when I have focused on mutual needs, when I've talked about my contacts' needs at least as much as I've talked about my own, when I've asked about their goals, interests, and concerns both at work and at home, and when I've found ways to help them with some of these goals. One could argue that investing time in supporting these other goals isn't exactly what my hierarchy asked me to do; that it is a diversion away from my top priority, away from the bottom line results I've been asked to deliver with urgency. But ironically the time I spend helping others with their projects, asking about their families and their health, deepening friendships will get me to my goals faster. As Ferrazzi says in the quote above, in an effective network there is a shared understanding--almost a faith--that investing in relationships and supporting each other's needs "will pay dividends". Because unlike a team that does not "gel", a team whose members skip meetings and miss deadlines, a team of friends will enthusiastically apply their talents to quickly deliver the goal.

Give and Ask For Help

2011-12-06T15:02:00.002-05:00

I'm reading "Never Eat Alone" by Keith Ferrazzi. The book is about how to network: how to establish and build relationships that will help you meet your goals. It would be easy to assume that the book is about playing politics, hypocritically approaching and flattering people you don't really care about just to get ahead. That might be the way a lot of people network. But Ferrazzi is a passionate teacher of a much more virtuous, and probably more effective form of networking. His networking is based on generosity.

He believes that nothing builds relationships faster than helping others or asking for their help. Listening to the needs of others with sincere interest and looking for opportunities to help them realize their dreams. At the same time, eliminating any hesitation you may have to ask for help.

You may have been raised to rely only on yourself, to avoid "burdening" others with your problems. You may have watched a few too many movies starring Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, or Gary Cooper. Ferrazzi suggests you learn to shift from being self reliant to being reliant on others. This is a key aspect of teamwork and of leadership. It is a gift to others to offer them a chance to be generous and help you realize a worthwhile goal.

This feels to me like the essence of teamwork, the essence of leadership. A leader offers help and asks for help. In a recent article in Time magazine, a person who wrote a book about John F. Kennedy's presidency wrote that he felt Barrack Obama has not engaged the hearts of most Americans largely because he hasn't asked us to help him. Kennedy, by contrast, created a feeling of personal connection when told us, "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country."

I tried to apply these ideas during a business trip last week. The purpose of the trip was to run a test on some equipment. Normally, I would have made the test my sole focus. But last week, I talked to someone about how his life has changed since he had open heart surgery five years ago, another person about his seven year old daughter's severe illness, and two young engineers about their current assignments and likely future assignments. I also asked several people to help me with technical and human resource issues. I think I deepened at least 5 or 6 relationships. And I still got my testing finished.

Hypnotized Meditation

2011-11-25T18:12:00.000-05:00

I've been listening to several iPhone apps that create a light hypnotic state at the start of meditation. They tend to follow a pattern that sounds almost cliche: "Take a deep breath. You're eyelids are feeling heavy. It feels good to close them. Your whole body feels heavier and heavier. A wave of relaxation is coming over you starting at your scalp, then your face, neck, shoulders . . . Now as I count down from 10 to 1, allow your self to get 10% more relaxed with every number. Ready? 10. 9. . . ."

At the end of this pattern, I indeed feel heavy, relaxed, almost tingly, and my mind is calm and quiet. The speaker will then make positive suggestions regarding some area of life (success, stress reduction, deep relaxation, giving up a bad habit, or whatever). Eventually, the speaker guides you to end the meditation with a reverse count. "1 . . . 2 . . .3. . .wiggle your fingers and toes . . . 4 . . .".

I'm starting to find a light hypnotic trance like this is a great way to start almost any meditation, whether I plan to follow this light, relaxing trance by listening to music, thinking about things I'm grateful for, focusing on my breathing, or whatever. I'm finding that the trance makes it easier for me to concentrate. Without the trance, my mind will often jump around to problems at home or work or things I've got to do.

I think I'll eventually learn to hypnotize myself because it doesn't seem that hard. But for now I'll sometimes listen to one of the iPhone apps long enough to get deeply relaxed, then pull off the headphones and do my own thing for the next 15 or 20 minutes.

Different Destination

2011-11-23T19:29:00.000-05:00

What is a Buddhist engineer like myself trying to accomplish? What is the ultimate goal of my practice? Is it the same as the goal of ancient Buddhists? Do I seek Nirvana? No.

I try to follow the Buddhist "Eightfold Path" of meditation and morality, but my "Path" has a different final goal than the Path of Buddha and his early followers. Historical works such as Karen Armstrong's "Buddha" point out that, 2,500 years ago in India, the ultimate goal of spiritual seekers such as Buddha was to achieve Nirvana: a state perfectly free of suffering. This perfect peace required letting go of material possessions, family, and anything else that could sometimes lead to dissatisfaction or painful loss.

I think Buddha was a psychological genius who understood methods to increase awareness of the present moment and gain serenity and contentment. But my ultimate goal is just to be happier than I would be without this practice. I still want to have my attachments to family, career, friends, community, pleasure, and accomplishments.

The "Psychology of Nirvana", by Rune Johansson did a nice job of explaining why goals tend to be different for today's Buddhists. Rune writes that, compared to the ancient Buddhists, the modern concept of mental health stresses "society and personal success and effectiveness" as opposed to the ancient emphasis on individual enlightenment and liberation from suffering.

When is it MY time?

2011-11-20T14:36:00.000-05:00

When does a family man or woman get to enjoy things that matter only to him or her? It's easy to feel as if everything you do is geared to somebody else's needs. It's easy to feel that somebody else is controlling how you spend your day. It is easy to feel resentment.

The resentment comes even when both spouses share equally in generating the "To Do" list. Neither spouse imposed their will on the other. Each freely agreed on what needed to be done. And yet, both often look back on their days and see so little "me" time that they feel as if they were the only ones in the family whose needs were neglected.

The solution? I'm happy to give the vast majority of my free time and my energy to the needs of family and home. But I also need to spend some "me time", doing things that don't directly benefit or interest my wife, the kids, the dogs, or the home. Things like meditation, nature walks, listening to music, writing, going to art museums, and some of my volunteer work. I can't just do these things whenever I want to and for however long I want to. I have to work out with my family how best to squeeze in these activities so that family needs come first. And I have to do the same for my wife, asking her what help she needs from me so that she can squeeze in some time each day for her favorite things.

I find that, as long as I squeeze in a little time each day for these most important personal needs, the illusion that someone else is in control of my life goes away. If I do a few things that are JUST for me, it's easier to remember that the rest of what I do for home, family, and community is also my choice. Nobody else is in control. It's ALL "me time".

Relaxation Role Model

2011-11-11T17:04:00.000-05:00

My first dog, Wally, was a role model of relaxation. If only I could--like Wally--get worked up only when a real threat exists. If I could just relax the rest of the time.

I could see Wally's peacefulness in his body. I could feel it when I'd pet him and his skin moved so freely and loosely under my hand. I could not imagine him tensing up unless there were strangers or unfamiliar sights or sounds that might pose a threat.

As I've been working the last few months on relaxing deeply several times a day, I've more often noticed myself needlessly tensing muscles when walking, driving, talking, working. At these times, I'll consciously loosen up and it NEVER makes me less effective at whatever I was trying to do. But I've got a long way to go before I can match the natural calm of a dog.

Election Nightmare

2011-10-31T09:39:00.000-04:00

Today, on Halloween, I'm reminded of the election nightmare I went through 8 years ago. The year was 2003. My son had become best friends with another kid at elementary school. I became friends with that child's father. The father decided to run for Cincinnati City Council and asked me to help him with his campaign.

It was exciting. I was in charge of analyzing the regions of the city that the candidate should target. I analyzed the districts that had delivered the votes that got similar candidates elected in previous elections. I created color coded maps indicating the neighborhoods that we should target for yard signs and for attending parades, candidate debates, festivals and other events.

Later, I was given the role of working with the only paid person on the campaign, our political/media adviser, to agree on the themes and content of radio and television spots. It was a blast working with this adviser, reviewing scripts, and coming up with sound bites.

The night of any City Council election, all the candidates and their supporters pack into Arnold's Bar and Grill downtown on eighth street, just a few short blocks from the Board of Elections, and breathlessly monitor the election results on the wide screen televisions. We kept cheering as each update showed our candidate holding his own. Once we were close enough to be certain of victory, we left Arnold's and triumphantly marched to the Board of Elections to celebrate and to have our candidate speak to the press.

The inauguration at City Hall was equally triumphant. I took my oldest son and one of his friends out of school that day to go to the auditorium at City Hall for the ceremony. The highlight was when the legendary Councilman, Jim Tarbell, surprised everyone by pulling out a harmonica and playing "Star Spangled Banner".

And then the nightmare began. The candidate became the Councilman, and I could not even recognize him. This was not the guy I knew before the election, the laid back dad at soccer games joking around and charming everyone around him. Instead, he became the most confrontational, radical person in City Council. I tried and failed to influence him, to get him moderate his rhetoric, but it never changed and we became distant. To this day, as Election Day nears, my friends and coworkers give me a hard time for having persuaded them to vote for Christopher Smitherman. He's running again this year, and now I know better than to vote for someone based on charisma and charm alone. I've become a policy junkie who wants to know in detail what a candidate plans to DO once they are elected.

Relaxed Urgency

2011-10-29T18:58:00.002-04:00

Does stress improve performance? In combat, yes. In competitive sports, yes. But I’m not a soldier and I’m not an athlete.

I’m working to replace stress with “relaxed urgency”. I want to be someone who surprises people with all the things I can accomplish at home, at work and in my community, who meets challenging deadlines, but who remains calm and relaxed most of the time. Someone who hurries without looking hurried. Someone who gets things done quickly but with a serene expression, a ready smile, and with arms, shoulders, and legs loose and limp like a rag doll.

I see a lot of people at work who seem very relaxed, but who lack urgency. That’s relatively easy to do, but it doesn’t lead to peak performance. I see a few others, however, that seem to have mastered “relaxed urgency”. Their output is prolific and they almost always seem poised and calm.

“Relaxed urgency” doesn’t come naturally to me. This is why I’ve changed all my meditation practice to focus on relaxation, and why I’ll even take short relaxation meditation breaks at work. If I want to master “relaxed urgency”, I have to consciously loosen my muscles at work and at home, many times a day.

Why replace stress-driven urgency with relaxed urgency? First of all, stress is bad for health. Stress is a response to any perceived threat. It can be true physical danger, but it can also be something that can’t really hurt me, such as fear of criticism if I miss a deadline at work. And as soon as the mind perceives a threat, the primitive part of the brain—the part we share with all animals—assumes control of the mind. It focuses on the threat, raises heart rate, raises blood pressure, and releases adrenaline and cortisol hormones. These physical changes are all very harmful.

In addition, stress won’t help me reach my goals. Adrenaline and a fast heart rate will help me respond to a threat with fight or flight. They help me in combat and in competitive sports. But I can’t fight a deadline, and I can run away from it either. Also, stress interferes with thinking and creativity. I’ve read that the primitive part of the brain says to the neo-cortex—the thinking part of the brain—“We’re under attack, and I’ve got this. You’re much too slow to deal with a threat. We need the lightning fast reactions of the animal brain to deal with danger.” So, when I’m under stress, I lose much of my ability to analyze information, develop options, and make rational choices. I lose precisely the part of my brain I need most to address daily challenges.

Finally, stress interferes with social skills. It causes me to hyper-focus on deadlines, on problems, and to react emotionally without thinking. Relaxation, on the other hand, allows me listen better, to think of possible consequences before I speak or act. Whether I’m at work or home with my family, a relaxed state is far better for all my social interactions.

Deliberate relaxation of my muscles, by itself, will not lead to my vision of relaxed urgency. It is also vital to carefully manage my commitments, my priorities, my daily goals, and to ensure I’m living in harmony with my values. But even if I do a perfect job of setting goals and making plans, I can still stress out unless I frequently close my eyes, scan my body for tension, and breathe.

Puppy Meditation

2011-10-21T17:27:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I meditate with my dog Oliver. He's not actually a puppy. He's 3 years old, but he's a "teacup" schnauzer. Just 8 pounds, and he loves to cuddle. He's not just a lap dog. He can be an eye pillow.

As I lay back in the lounge chair, he settles on my chest. I can feel him breathing. A very rapid breath. I tune into how he shifts from panting to machine gun efforts to catch a scent. I feel his heartbeat. I feel his weight on me and watch his nostrils quiver when he catches a new scent. I notice how much slower I'm breathing as we lay chest to chest. I've completely forgotten my obligations at work and at home and for this reason I think this is as genuine a meditative practice as any other.

Relax, there's an app for that!

2011-10-20T01:11:00.000-04:00

For the last few months, I've really needed to relax more. Intense new project, business travel for 5 of the last 6 weeks. I feel as if I've had no choice but to relax more often and more deeply than normal, many times a day. Fortunately, there's an app for that.

Actually, there are hundreds of apps for that. I'm always tethered to my Apple hardware--my iPhone and my iPad. Steve Jobs--may he rest in peace--has given me tools that help me stay loose in the midst of this intensity. For the last few months, I've replaced my normal practice of meditating to music with a new habit of closing my eyes while listening to guided relaxation meditations on my iPhone or iPad.

Shhh. Don't tell anyone, but I do this at work, too. I'll go off to a "huddle room" with my iPad and with my back to the door and window. I'm sure people assume I'm on a conference call. I'll slip in ear-buds and listen to a 10 minute relaxation app and come out refreshed, more creative, and better able to concentrate. Not exactly a crime, but something that I don't want to draw attention to.

Here are a few of my favorite relaxation/meditation related apps (prices ranging from free to $4):

"Take a Break", "Relax & Rest", and "Simply Being" by Meditation Oasis. These are the apps I most like to listen to at work. They make me feel like it's OK to take this break at work, OK to let go of my obligations for a little while, and OK to relax. They make me believe that I don't need to be "worked up" to work well. On the contrary. If I'm totally relaxed, I'll always be much more effective than if I'm hurrying and wired.
"Relax Free", "Stress Free", "Energy Boost", and "Success" moderated by Andrew Johnson. These are too long for work breaks (20-30 minutes), but I could listen that that soothing Scottish accent for hours. They all start with a guided, total body relaxation. And then, once I feel that my body is so heavy it's going to sink right through the mattress, Andrew starts planting positive suggestions in my mind about future success, confidence, energy level, fitness, or whatever the theme of that app happens to be. These apps rely on hypnosis, and I think they work for me. I notice positive effects that last long after each meditation.
"Relax Completely" with Darren Marks; "Relax and Sleep Well" with Glenn Harrold; "Relax Now" with David Ridgeway. All hypnosis apps.
"My Meditation". Unique app I use when I don't want guided meditation, when I simply want to be reminded--without words--to focus on my breathing. The app can be configured for a breathing rhythm that feels comfortable for the individual. I like a 5 second inhale, 1 second hold, and 8 second exhale, 1 second hold. Just figured this out by trial and error. A sound like a wave leaving the beach represents inhalation. A sound like the wind represents exhalation. Normally, when I don't use an app and just meditate on my breath, my mind wanders. But I find that the wordless cues from this app reminds me keep my attention on my breath.

Chris Seelbach for City Council

2011-10-09T18:33:00.000-04:00

I had a chance to spend over an hour today, mostly one on one, talking with Chris Seelbach. Chris is running for Cincinnati City Council. I'm convinced that he has the right ideas about what City Council should be doing.

I asked him about the budget crisis. I was glad to hear him say that we can't have a budget that contains little more than police and fire. We have to pay for other services, for urban planning, for quality of life. And we currently can't do this. No great city invests solely in police and fire.

So far so good. These have been my thoughts exactly. So I asked him how he would balance the budget. We have about 1100 police. A few years ago, City Council voted to add 100 police officers. The Police Chief said they were not necessary and would not make the city safer. So Chris didn't say how he'd make the transition, but reducing the staffing by 100 or so over time by attrition or other means would provide huge savings. According to Chris, it would be enough to get us in the black so that we wouldn't be constantly closing community swimming pools and Recreation Centers, canceling recycling programs, and failing to invest in improving the quality of life.

Again, I agree. I've read about the Police Chief's comments. He really DID say that he did not want the extra 100 police officers. For City Council to provide staffing that the Chief of Police did not want seems to me to be a criminal waste of taxpayer dollars. They did it to get re-elected, and what did I get? Yard waste that I have to drive to the dump.

I asked Chris about development in Over-the-Rhine and other lower income communities. I asked him what he thought about the tradeoffs between progress and displacement of the poor. Chris lives in Over-the-Rhine. He said that the development there has not been perfect, but it beats the alternative of out-of-control crime in dilapidated housing, the alternative of historic Germanic architecture crumbling into ruins. He said that the development has been done with careful planning to provide a mix of housing prices so that the community has room for both the working poor and for the professionals who are moving into the area.

Again, I agree. I've lived in Cincinnati for decades and have welcomed the development in Over-the-Rhine. I believe that we need to have neighborhoods with mixed income levels so that the wealthier citizens are more likely to empathize with and support their less fortunate neighbors.

Finally, I asked how Chris felt about proposals to have Hamilton County take over policing in Cincinnati to save money. Chris felt this would just be a tactic to lower police salaries because Hamilton County is non-union. He was also concerned, as am I, that the Hamilton County Police Department would not be subject to the "Collaborative Agreement". This is the agreement that was hammered out after the Cincinnati riots over 10 years ago to improve police-community relationships. It's been widely successful, and I would not want to go back to the tension that permeated the city during the riots.

Control what you can control

2011-10-04T08:24:00.001-04:00

My last 2 posts have been about those outcomes that lie completely or almost completely within my control. Yesterday I was listening to the audiobook "Open-An Autobiography", by tennis great Andre Agassi.

Aggasi said it best. Before each match, he reminds himself over and over again. "Control what you can control."

Aggasi writes, "Given all the things that lie beyond my control, I obsess about the few things I can control." The tension in the strings of his racquets. The liquids he mixes to keep himself hydrated. The precise way he packs his tennis bag. The 22 minute shower he uses to visualize success in the match. And the effort he puts into each point, as if each point were the last.

The weather, the court conditions, the close line calls, and above all his opponent were beyond his control. But Aggasi succeeded by focusing on what he could control.

Within Reach

2011-10-02T14:31:00.000-04:00

In my last post, I talked about how most of the goals that matter in my life are completely within my control. My diet, what I pay attention to, whether I exercise, whether I attend to my spirit, whether I'm kind, whether I give my best effort. I'm completely responsible for these goals, and nobody can stop me.

What about the goals that are not completely in my control? Many of these are MOSTLY up to me. I can realize these goals if I exert myself and I persist despite temporary setbacks.

Twenty years ago, I got a lesson in this type of persistence from a brilliant engineer named Al Sawdai. Al and I were in a team attempting to fix a baffling problem that was threatening the launch of a new product. The team was getting very frustrated. The problem seemed to defy reason. It felt as if we could never solve it. But Al kept repeating, calmly and slowly, with a very thick accent, "Never forget that this problem must obey physics. It must fit with scientific principles. If we don't see that yet, we must keep looking, and then we will solve the problem." No matter how many setbacks we encountered, he remained absolutely confident that we would prevail. And we eventually did.

In the two decades that have passed in my engineering career since I worked with Al, I remember his attitude and his confidence every time I'm faced with troubleshooting a new problem. These memories help me realize that, when faced with problems, I may not have COMPLETE control, as I do about daily decisions regarding diet and exercise. But if I stretch myself and if I persist, I can probably solve the problem.

And it's not just technical problem solving. There are countless goals in life that are not totally in my control, that are affected by outside forces, but that--with the right effort and persistence--I can almost certainly reach the goal.