Embrace your sizzle

Benjamin Zander: Classical music with shining eyes

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 19:46:00 +0000

This is a beautiful message about music and living.
Click here to watch

Open a Roth IRA if you don't have one...

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 00:51:00 +0000

http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
Do you have a Roth IRA? Click here for information on why, where and how to open a Roth IRA.

Ever going to buy another car? WATCH THIS VIDEO, read this article..

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 05:09:00 +0000

I came across a great video with some tips on buying a new car,"How to buy a new car without getting screwed". These principles can be applied to the purchase of a NEW CAR TO YOU (doesn't have to be a brand new car). This video comes from a great site, "Get Rich Slowly".

One of my clients called me from a dealership and I told him to go home and watch this video, among a few other assignments. He ended up saving approximately $4,000 on a car due to what he picked up from the video. Watch it... share it with others...

Finally, here is a link to an article atwww.freemoneyfinance.com
that walks you through how to buy a car using the web.

Financial security.. have an emergency fund

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 04:47:00 +0000

Mint.com's blog has some excellent personal finance information. I especially appreciate its simplicity.

When I was 22 and selected my own health insurance (self-employed), I thought, "well, I never get sick so..." I did not consider that I could have an accident. I blew my knee out playing soccer and ended up having ACL reconstruction surgery. Based on the insurance I had, I still spent approximately $10,000 in total.

Daily Om.. simple reminders..

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 02:50:00 +0000

I love daily om. I subscribe to their daily emails. I read about hugging trees in a post once. At first, I thought, well this is silly, but I read the whole thing and it made sense to me to at least try it out. I told my friend bloopity when we were walking along the river in Philly.. she had read the same posting. We hugged trees for the next hour. It was a truly spiritual and special exercise.

photo

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 02:26:00 +0000

Everyday Courage

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 16:17:00 +0000

(Written July, 2005)

What is "everyday courage"?

I think a lot about courage and fear. Lately I have been thinking about all the times we exhibit courage but we don't recognize ourselves for it. I think that the reason we don't recognize it is because we are clouded by judgement. We feel that we should show that courage. On top of that, whatever we showed courage in "didn't take a lot of courage anyways." I feel strongly that courage is courage. It is impossible to argue size or amount of courageousness in others without comparing it to our own fears and courage. Therefore courage is courage and we are the only ones who know whether we are exhibiting courage or not. I also feel that when we exhibit courage, our courage grows, even if we do not experience the initial desired result. In our hearts, we feel a strong sense of pride in our courageousness. We exhibit courage in all kinds of ways every single day. We do not give ourselves credit or recognition of these victories over our fears. I feel that several times daily we approach a crossroads of courage and fear. The path we choose gains strength. The choice for courage in seemingly insignificant situations offers us the opportunity to build our courage muscle for future greater challenges. I believe that recognizing and exhibiting "everyday courage" leads us forcefully in the direction of living our ideal life.

Why do we need to be courageous anyways? What are we afraid of?

We know who we really are but we do not allow ourselves to consciously see it always.
We are afraid to acknowledge who we "really are." We are afraid to be who we "really are."

Why would we not want to see who we "really are?"

We are afraid that who we really are, is not who we feel we need to be to recieve love. In my case, "If I am myself in this situation then... _____ won't love me, I won't get a raise, I will get fired, my assistants will quit, I will not get promoted, I will not be successful, my parents won't be satisfied, etc." So at the expense of our own happiness we reject who we really are to "follow the rules" and beliefs that have been instilled in us through family and culture.

To keep from finding out who we really are, or remembering who we really are, we stop questioning. We stop questioning because we do not want to hear or see the answers. My mentor/life coach asked me about two years ago, "who really knows you?" I had been popular, well liked, a member of many sports teams, a successful businesswoman at a young age, my cell phone directory was full, and to the outside world I had tons of friends and a loving family. I immediately started crying. There were parts of me I was not ready to acknowledge or see. I knew they were there. So I knew deep down who I was...but NO ONE else did.

For the past three years I have been on a Journey of self-discovery and growth. When I turned 27 a month ago I wished for courage: courage to be myself and to help others be themselves. Everyday since then my objective is to have the courage to be me. I will share some of my personal stories, experiences, challenges, and triumphs, in hopes that it could inspire you to exhibit "everyday courage" to be you. In addition, I would be inspired to hear your stories and to share them on my page.

Repost: August 11, 2005

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 16:12:00 +0000

I wrote this during a time when I had quit drinking and was in the process of leaving a company where I worked for 9 years. Notice my spiciness.. and my voice of trying to accept my own resignation and quitting...enjoy.. -Betsy

Thursday, August 11, 2005
Courage to quit

I read something recently on www.dailyom.com that talked about commitment. The article addressed that when we commit to something we are making our decision based on current and available information. When we commit to something we are committing to explore it. I really liked that thought which made me think about my lifelong fear of quitting/giving up/stopping doing something. Like many others, I have allowed my fears to rule me. I believe that there is a fine line between following through on commitments and "sticking it out to prove I am not a quitter." I observe that many people have such strong beliefs against quitting that they do things they don't want to do, things that they don't enjoy doing, and things they even despise, just to prove they are not a quitter. They would rather be proud of their non-quitting status then be happy.

I grew up with strong beliefs against "quitters." I heard about quitters in negative context frequently. "You start something, you should finish it." I held negative beliefs about quitters for a long time. "Once a quitter, always a quitter." I can remember my negative feelings towards the girl who didn't come to the last day of soccer tryouts, or the guy who dropped the class. I never quit anything. I prided myself on it. I follow through. I complete the task. I stick it out. I am NOT a quitter. I WILL drink all 10 beers! Like I said, not a quitter.

So what is a "quitter?"
well-defined commitment quitter: Someone who says they are going to do something for a specific number of times or a specific period of time, and they do not complete their commitment. Well if they have a "good" reason then we do not call them a quitter. See "good reasons to quit" below "the unspecified commitment quitter."

The "unspecified commitment quitter": Someone who says they are going to do something for an un-specified number of times or a non-specific period of time, and they do not have a well defined commitment... and they stop doing it.
WHAT?? no commitment, but still a quitter... hmmm. Well, so this person did not quit anything. We judge this person, we give them a hard time, and we talk about them. "I can't believe they are quitting and they aren't going to help with this thing, every once in a while, that we do, anymore." Better yet, we judge ourselves in situations like this! This makes no sense at all. We tell ourselves that we "should want to keep picking up trash on the side of the highway for the fundraiser, it is a really good cause."

Reasons to "quit"/stop doing something, that culturally and socially we accept as "Good" reasons or "Good enough" reasons:

"I am going to be on a reality tv show." Anything related to sickness, death, especially contagious disease is a "good reason to quit." "I am going to go on tour with_____(top 40 popular band at the time)." Anything to do with Oprah, a visit to the White House (unfortunately), donating an organ, something to do with a lot of money, long distance travel, fame, etc.

(in certain circumstances but this is a stretch) Dreams, Goals, Vision. Now the people judging you will still probably think you are crazy, "that crazy girl who is going to Africa to help starving children, more power to her."(smirk, and scoff) However it still falls into the "good" reasons category, because even if they don't believe in it, at least you are passionnate about something, right?
"Excuses and things quitters and slackers say"

"I don't want to," "I want to try something else," "I am not doing this anymore but I found someone who could complete this for me," (ooh, good one, the commitment is held up but... yeah, still a quitter nice try) "I don't like it here," "I am not happy." yeah, these are not valid reasons to stop doing something, even if you would rather beat your head against the wall than continue. "you're not happy, poor baby." again, not good enough.
By the way, the biggest judge of your decisions is you. These voices that i put in quotes are most often our own voices based on our beliefs. I know, it is scary but true. You are the one judging whether the reason is good enough or not.

Here is the kicker... why do you get pissed off when people quit? That anger comes from the times that you wanted to stop doing something but you didn't have the COURAGE. When you are in a situation you do not want to be in and someone says, "I'm not doing this anymore!" how do you feel? Do you get angry?

You might be holding on to something that you realize you have held onto because you are trying to prove that you are not a quitter. You want to be seen as lovable, hard working and committed. Well if you are doing something that goes against what is in your heart then you are quitting you. You are betraying yourself to not follow what is in your heart. Many of us are "beating our heads against the wall," in one area of our life or another. When you make the decision to stop doing something that you truly, deep down, do not want to be doing, you will open up space to draw in experiences that you would like to have. You will also then be able to see just how heavy the burden is that you have been carrying. It is funny how you can't feel how heavy it is until you let it go.

Let it go. Say no to something or someone, say yes to you! I wish you everyday courage to stop doing things that you do not want to do. I drank quite a bit for a long time. I have not drank for several months. When I stopped feeling the urge to drink, I realized I was afraid to NOT drink in social situations. I wasn't afraid of drinking or that I would want to drink. I was afraid to communicate that I did not want a drink. Koren Zailkas, author of "Smashed: The Story of a drunken girlhood," shares her story of drinking and quitting. For the first time in my life I felt like someone else knew what I have gone through with my relationship with alcohol. The details are different but I could relate to so much of her story. She shares the awkwardness of communicating her lack of desire to drink, in drinking situations. Thanks to her I learned that there doesn't have to be any explanation, let alone a long drawn out story. I learned that I could say, "I don't feel like it." Simple as that. At first it took me quite a bit of courage to communicate my lack of desire to drink. Over time my courage grew.

I believe deep down in my heart one thing is true for all of us. "I don't feel like it," is always good enough, no matter what it is. If you give yourself permission to say this, it will very possibly set you free. I wish you the courage to take the pressure off of yourself, and to say, "you know what? I don't feel like it."

Communication and Assumptions: Roommates

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Wed, 03 Jan 2007 21:07:00 +0000

When we embrace our sizzle many other amazing things happen. It is inspiring to see someone embrace who they are! Also, one of the greatest results of embracing our sizzle is our heightened capacity for love and compassion for others. In order to get to a place of deeply appreciating ourselves, love, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, and non-judgement are required. As we nurture these aspects of our relationship with ourself we are able to see others with a whole new perspective.

Anytime you have a challenge communicating with someone, make sure you get clear on how you define the subject of what the challenge is about. Often we make assumptions about what others are thinking and feeling. Mainly we assume that the other person we are communicating with thinks like we do.

What is a roommate? Did you ever stop and consider that other people define what a roommate is differently? Some people think a roommate is someone who moves in and shares living space, or someone who shares living space and is a good friend who you hang out with, or someone who doesn't invite company without asking, or someone who doesn't have to ask to invite company, or someone who doesn't leave dishes in the dishwasher, or someone who cleans, or someone who...

What do you expect out of a roommate? Do you know what a roommate expects out of you?

If there were a standard definition of a roommate and what the commitment in that relationship then just think of how many fewer roommate challenges there would be. The arguments could be about not holding up the commitment. In reality, when people argue or disagree, many times they are basing their conversation on two different definitions of the subject of the conversation.

Next time you have an argument about how "dirty" or "clean" the house is or isn't and how someone did more than someone else.. realize that both people could be right and that the home very well could be "clean" according to their definition. Get clear and agree on a standard of "clean" before you argue whether the house is or isn't.

Living life over again

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 09:07:00 +0000

Sometimes I feel like I am living my life over again, like I lived the whole thing and had the opportunity to go back and live it how I really wanted to live it.

When I was a sales manager I had a former rep, Roy, come into my office to speak with me. He told me about how he found a new job that he was really excited about. He started pitching me on it. Mid-pitch, he handed me his business card, as he was explaining to me that if I bought my grave plot now I could save a lot of money for myself and for my family..."you know because when you are 80, this plot is going to be way more expensive." At that moment, I realized that I was going to die at some point. I appreciated his drive and effort to sell me a plot, and, I hope, graciously declined his offer.

I started thinking about the concept of having 6 weeks to live. I asked myself, "If I have 6 weeks to live, would I be doing what I am doing right now?" It took me a few days to accept that the answer at the time was no.

That was 5 years ago, and since then I have moved six times and changed jobs three times. I appreciate Roy so much for having the courage to try to sell me a cemetary plot. That experience completely changed my perspective on my life. Imagine being 80 and looking back at your life, what do you want to see? How do you want to feel?

what is my sizzle?

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 09:00:00 +0000

"What is my purpose?" "What am I meant to do?" "What inspires me?" "Why am I still doing what I am doing now if I am not happy?"

There is so much information out there to help us find ourselves. There are books, movies, and coaches. There are retreats, seminars, and yoga bootcamps. There are fasts, cleanses, and meditations. I belive that there is no destination in this journey of self-discovery. I believe it is an everchanging process. When you get to a point where you say, "I should know this," or "I should feel this way," step back and remind yourself that this process is not linear and sometimes you will feel like you are all over the map. If there is any destination it is the place where you can find love and compassion in your heart for yourself, no matter where you are in your journey. The truth is that you are exactly where you are meant to be. You have a gift and something to offer that no one else has.

Give yourself a break.
Give yourself some credit.
When is the last time you recognized yourself for being who you are?

Guitar Guy

noreply@blogger.com (Betsy) — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 08:37:00 +0000

I was sitting at a Hotel Bar in Hawaii the other night, listening to some live music. When the set wrapped up, my friends and I noticed that there was a guy in the audience who had a guitar. We called over to him and asked him if he could play us something. My friend shouted out, "can you play some Ben Harper?" The guy with the guitar looked at his friend, they shrugged shoulders at each other and decided to go for it. They started in and it sounded ok. The guitar guy's friend was giving him all sorts of instructions. Guitar guy seemed really cramped and uncomfortable, trying to force this song out. They finished their effort and asked us again what we wanted to hear. At this point we were all sitting at the same table. My friends started calling out different songs. I looked at guitar guy, and I said, "What is your favorite song?" He replied, "oh, you don't want to hear country music... really, what do you want to hear?" I said, "I want to hear your favorite song, what is it?" He said, "really?" "Absolutely."

He started playing this country music song that I have never heard of and probably could not track down now. What happened was magical. When he started playing the song he was sitting down, and beaming from ear to ear as he sang. He stood up, and started wiggling his hips a little, and he was so cute! He completely lit up.

The next time someone asks you for a request, ask them to share with you their favorite song, their favorite photo, their favorite story, or their favorite creation. Then support, love and embrace them. I guarantee it will inspire and encourage both of you.