Embrace The Film

Step up Revolution Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-07-25T12:42:00.000-04:00

Another one bites the dust

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

The Step Up franchise is turning into the Final Destination series. They should have stopped at 3. This series is more entertaining than many others but how long can they keep this up? Writers are struggling to come up with something decent to put on film so the movie can have a storyline and not make it feel like a 90 minute music video. They're desperate but so is every other studio. All the fans want is to be entertained and inspired. This film does deliver that with its dancing but nothing else. That's perfectly fine for a movie like this. You're only seeing it for the dancing anyway.

STORY

What story? Its pretty much the same storyline from the last 3 films except Emily, played by Kathryn McCormick, arrives in Miami to meet up with her dad. He is a business owner hell bent on destroying the Mob's neighborhood. She meets the leader of the Mob Sean, played by Ryan Guzman. She sees them in action and loves the artistic design of their performances. This drives a knife between her and her dad as she wants to help them with their struggle while she lives her dream of being a dancer. There is another contest brewing that can earn them sponsorship but her dad has other plans. Together, the dancers devise a plan that will either save their neighborhood or just give the business personal headaches. Can their dancing save the day? It opens on Friday July 27th nationwide.

ACTING

Well let me put this nicely. You're not paying for the acting are you? Let's hope not because you might vomit afterwards. The acting in this series was never good with a few exceptions. The character Moose returns and brings the fun with him. That's about it. The performances are flat and forced. I couldn't feel any kind of chemistry with the crew in this department. It's not good acting but that's something we can live with when it comes to films like this.

O she's in it too!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The look of the film is great for your eyes. Everything pops on screen and grabs your attention. The 3D does add more fun to the dance routines. The best part of the film is the dancing. The dancers were able to flow together to create some interesting pieces of art. Dancing is what you came for and they did not disappoint.

Sweet!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The movie is written by Jenny Mayer and directed by Scott Speer. The story does manage to flow at a decent pace. It won't have you bored but the dialog is pretty bad. She tried too hard to have her characters come off cool and inspirational. The directing is pretty solid. The guy was able to capture the dancing in a way the other films couldn't do. The film had a vision and he was able to make it come to light.

THE END

Overall the film kind of sucks. It's only the dancing that makes the film worth seeing. The 3D does help bring it to life but if you saw the last one you know how they are going to use it. If you're into dancing films then this is for you. Other than that skip it. It'll be out on DVD soon.

OVERALL

STORY 4 out of 10
ACTING 3 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS/DANCING 7 out of 10
WRITING 3 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 5 out of 10 (SKIP IT)

The Dark Knight Rises Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-07-24T16:19:00.000-04:00

It's about damn time!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

It's been 4 years since we saw The Dark Knight. It has been credited as one of the best films ever made. It won Health Ledger the Oscar for best actor and changed how comic book movies need to be made. Some people wondered if Nolan could top himself with the third and final installment. I can say he didn't but the film does live up to the hype. It's just as good as The Dark Knight and is a fitting closer to an epic trilogy.

STORY

It's been 8 years since Bruce Wayne has dawned the dark knight costume. Gotham is in a state of peace. Harvey Dent's memory is still being kept alive and no one is aware of the truth. Selina Kyle, played by Anne Hathaway, is at an event at Wayne manor and happens to kidnap a very important person from the police force. She also manages to get her hands on Bruce Wayne's finger prints as well as his curiosity.

I'm in love

He learns that she is a cat burglar and is working for someone. He also gets wind of a super criminal known as Bane. He learns that he was kicked out of the League of Shadows and has gathered himself his own army. Together they take over Gotham's trading system and causes Wayne to go broke. He learns that Bane is working for someone on his board of directors and asks Selina for help. This proves to be a huge mistake.

That's one big motherfucker!

She leads him into a trap. Bane challenges him to a showdown and proceeds to beat the shit out of him. Not only does Batman get his ass kicked but Bane breaks his back. He takes over Gotham for several months, holding the rich and powerful hostages. He unleashes all the criminals and encourages them to take what is theirs. Bruce is sent to a prison stationed in a pit and it's there where he will either find his true self or die trying. Can the bat regain his composer and take back his city or will Bane end Gotham along with Batman? The movie is 3 hours long but it's well worth it.

ACTING

The acting here is almost flawless. The chemistry is solid with everyone involved. Anne Hathaway played a great Selina Kyle and proved she deserved the role. Tom Hardy was menacing and made me think that Batman didn't have a chance. Gary Oldman played the tortured soul well also. Throughout the movie he seemed like he wanted to break down and cry at any moment. Joseph Gordon Levitt kept the chemistry alive with his slick but toned presence. He worked well with both sides of Christian Bale, which shined on screen. If you loved the acting in The Dark Knight then you will love this film.

We're too old for this shit!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The film looks great from all fronts. I'm glad Nolan doesn't use a lot of computer graphics in his films. It reminds me of the old days of film where live action ruled the world. The IMAX scenes were breathtaking and in your face. The fight scenes were gritty and brutal and not over the top like most comic book films are. Overall this film is easy on the eyes.

She stole the bat pod?

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by the Nolan brothers and directed by Christopher Nolan. They put together a well crafted story that exploded on screen. There were some story lines that weren't needed or dragged on too long but that can be forgiven. The directing was great overall but man Nolan needs to film fight scenes better. He's a great director but when it comes to his fight scenes it looks like a rookie filmed it. I know he wanted it to be gritty but he could have directed it better. The WWE films their backstage fights better than Nolan does.

THE END

The film is a must see. The trilogy ends with a bang. It has twists and turns that no one saw coming. It doesn't surpass the last one but it does hang tough with it. Grab an IMAX viewing if you can. It will make your eyes explode.

OVERALL

STORY 8 out of 10
ACTING 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 8 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL 8 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

The Amazing Spiderman Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-07-24T14:44:00.000-04:00

I'm back bitches!

THE MOVIE CRITIC'S TAKE

When I first heard about the reboot I thought "So soon?"
I didn't understand why Sony wanted to do the Spiderman story over again after having a successful one with Sam Raimi. It has something to do with Sony not wanting Disney to get the rights back to their characters. I swear businesses can be real douches. Anyway does this movie live up to expectations? I say it succeeds them. It's a gritty approach but it's a fun ride as well.

STORY

This time around the film opens with Peter playing hide and go seek with his father. The dad finds Peter in his home office but sees it trashed. He quickly packs up Peter and sends him to live with his Aunt and Uncle. Fast forward to high school and Peter is one big nerd. He is barely noticed and continues to get bullied by Flash. It seems that though one girl is noticing him. A girl by the name of Gwen Stacy, played by Emma Stone.

She wants to fuck him!

Peter finds his dad's old briefcase and unwraps some interesting documents. He goes to Oscorp to find some answers but finds himself becoming a science project. He gets bitten by a super spider and turns into a super human. He falls asleep on a train and encounters some dirt bags. He realizes he can kick butt, rip away poles, and steal women shirts. He learns he can do a lot more and starts helping the local police do their job. One problem though, they don't like it.

Like him

He also has another issue. Dr. Curt Conners has turned himself into a man lizard. He goes insane and believes that he is the superior species. He thinks up a plan that will turn every New Yorker into a mad lizard. With the cops on his trail can Spiderman stop the lizard from turning everyone into scales? Let's hope so or there would be no Sequel.

ACTING

The acting was great. Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield had great chemistry together. They looked cute and shy and played off their relationship like it was real. Denis Leary was fun to watch and Martin Sheen reminded me of the Uncle Ben from the comics. Rhys Ifans also played his part well. He didn't seem evil but a guy that was confused and angry and wanted to make the world better. I think this crew did their characters justice and made the film enjoyable.

They look like a real family.

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects didn't live up to the first Spiderman film but they aren't bad. The effects are on the grittier side and they aren't too over the top. The 3D was ok at times but there are scenes that just doesn't pop like they should. The fight scenes don't hold a candle to the others but they still manage to grab your attention. Overall the effects weren't anything to shake your head at.

Pretty cool

WRITING AND DIRECTING

This film was written by way too many writers to care for and directed by Marc Webb. The writers managed to deliver a well thought out origin story with action and suspense. What they did better than the other films were the dramatic approach and not keeping his identity a secret. There was a time in the movie where I thought Spiderman was going to fail. Marc did a so-so job as the film's director. I wasn't too impressed with him in this film. I can't put my finger on it but a few of his shots and direction felt like they were off. This is his first real action movie and in time he will get better, I hope.

THE END

The film is a must see. It's a decent retelling of the same old story. It goes deeper this time around, involving his parents and the mystery behind Osbourne. They seem to be building him up as a menacing character for the future. I see good things for this franchise if they keep the same team. I would avoid the 3D though. It really wasn't needed.

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 7 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-07-24T13:21:00.000-04:00

Presidential Ass Kicker

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

When people first heard about the film they filled the world with laughter. Good old honest Abe was a vampire hunter and president? I smell a small case of bullshit. People said that they couldn't believe that Hollywood would steep that low to make a buck. The real problem with these people is that they talk out of their ass about a subject they know nothing about. This story is an adaptation of a book written by Seth Grahame - Smith. The book found an audience due to its unusual storytelling and injecting fantasy into the real world. The book is a must read but will this film follow suit? Of course not... the book is always better.

STORY

It starts with Abraham Lincoln as a child. His father is paying off his debt when Abe witnesses his friend being beaten. He tries to help but only manages to get his father into trouble with his debt collector. Turns out the collector is a vampire and kills his mother. As Abe grows up he resents the man that destroyed his family. He gains the courage to kill his mother's murderer, by means of getting drunk, and attacks him. This proves to be almost fatal but is saved by one powerful vampire hunter named Henry, played by Dominic Cooper.

Isn't he dreamy?

He teaches Abe everything he needs to learn about vampires. He sends him on his way to do Henry's will but is not allowed to kill the one vamp that he desires. During his adventures he meets a young woman named Mary Todd, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead. He courts her away from his future presidential opponent and marries her. His adventures has caught the attention of a powerful vampire named Adam, played by Rufus Sewell. He believes that Abe and Henry will detour his plans of taking over America and sends him a message. The message is to kill his lover the same way his mother died.

I think he gets the message.

He ends up saving his wife and his friends life from Adam and his vamps. He learns that he will have to save America from the political front, not the battlefield. He becomes president and soon realizes that the south is using vampires to help them in the war. Mary bears Abe's child but that is short lived. Adam has the child killed which sends the Lincolns into dismay. Abe and Henry make a plan to save the war, America, and to put a stop to Adam's plan. The question is how much are they willing to lose?

ACTING

Overall the acting wasn't too bad. I did think Benjamin Walker played his role well. He wasn't trying to act like a president but a killing machine. I will say that the chemistry was lacking with many of the actors. I didn't buy Benjamin and Mary as love interests and his moments with his friends felt forced. Rufus had the best performance in this movie and it seemed like he was the only one that cared. The acting isn't horrible but you can tell they were just acting. Many of them couldn't fall into their roles.

I'm going to eat your friends

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects were not impressive at all. I've seen much better and I think most of you has as well. The train scene looked like something out of a video game and the vampires were more laughable than scary. I couldn't feel the terror ooze come from the screen. The clothing and atmosphere did capture the feel of that era but overall this department was a disappointment. They could have done a lot better with the budget they had.

The only cool part of the movie.

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Seth Grahame - Smith and directed by Timur Bekmambetov. Seth wrote the book and the screenplay. The book is much better and has a decent pace but the movie doesn't follow suit. The dialog is laughable and everything is predictable. The directing was decent though. He was able to capture the movie in full view and made the film watchable. I just can't get past how this movie feels more like a video game than an actual film.

THE END

Skip it. Wait for Netflix or Redbox. It's not worth your money. It's hardly worth your time. It's one of those movies that you might catch on HBO and say to yourself "So glad I skipped that crap."

OVERALL

STORY 5 out of 10
ACTING 4 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 5 out of 10
WRITING 5 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL SCORE 5 out of 10 (Skip it)

ROCK OF AGES Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-06-13T11:43:00.003-04:00

Musical on crack

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

When I first heard about this movie I didn't know too much about it. I knew it was a Broadway musical that won many awards. Rock of Ages is a rock musical that can be enjoyed by many. I am a fan of a few musicals but I can honestly say that this isn't my type of genre. After watching the movie I will have to change my mind. It put a smile on my face all the way through. I never saw the musical but after watching this movie, it makes me want too. If you're a fan of musicals then I suggest you see it this weekend. It's nothing but a good time.

STORY

A young woman named Sherrie, played by Julianne Hough, dreams of being a star. She moves to the Sun Set Strip and works at the Bourbon Room as a waitress. Her new found friend Drew , played by Diego Bonata, gets her the job after her suitcase was stolen. There is some tension going on at the Bourbon Room. The owner Dennis , played by Alec Baldwin, and his sidekick Lonny, played by Russell Brand, fears that the night club may close. The mayor's wife, played by Catherine - Zeta Jones, wants to clean up the strip and close down the Bourbon. Together they manage to get Stacee Jaxx, played by Tom Cruise, to play there. He just split from his band and is looking to show the world how good he is. Despite this the mayor's wife still wants to close the room. Tensions spill over to everyone's life and looks like Sherrie's dream may not come to pass. Can the club owner keep his club open or will the mayor's wife flush them down the toilet? You will need to go to the movies and get your rock on to find out.

ACTING

Just phenomenal! Tom Cruise rocked this role. He was the best one in the film. He had chemistry with everyone he touched and should get an Oscar nod for his performance. Alec Baldwin did wonders with his role as well. He and Russell Brand was a delight to see together and made me believe that they were really pals. Catherine was more annoying than useful and her singing was laughable. Mary J Blidge surprisingly pulled a great performance that left the crowd in awe. Overall, the performances were solid and it looked like they were having a great time.

I'm the fucking man baby!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects were great. It looked like I was watching a real life concert. The pyro and the lighting made them look like real rock stars. I loved the 80s feel and how Tom acted like a pimped out Axl Rose. They made this film into one big spectacle.

Rock on!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

This movie is written by too many writers to care for and directed by Adam Shankman. The writers made the characters bigger than life and the star wannabes naive idiots. The story went on too long but I loved the singing and performances. They really fell into their roles and left themselves at home. They did throw too many songs in though which made the film stretch on too long. Adam did a wonderful job directing. This film looks like one big rock concert full of joy and despair. If this film was shorter it would be a masterpiece.

THE END

This movie is fun. It has some of the best rock songs from the 80s, featuring some cool actors. I will say that this film lasts too long and should have been made shorter. Other than that, this film should bring a smile to your face. It's a rocking good time and one of Tom Cruise's best performances. Enjoy!

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 9 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10

OVERALL 8 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

Prometheus Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-06-12T10:32:00.001-04:00

Alien Prequel?

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

A long time ago Ridley Scott and James Cameron expressed interest in making a prequel to Alien. This movie was to explain the space jockey found at the aliens' ship. Egos prevailed and James decided to run for the door, but not Ridley Scott. Instead he continued on the project and decided to make this film stand alone. Then he changed his mind again and decided to put this in the same universe as Aliens and Predators. So is this a prequel or not? Looks like it is but the movie manages to still separate itself from the other films. It's a unique film that explains a lot but leaves you wanting more.

STORY

Why were we made? That was the question bothering religious archaeologists Charlie, played by Logan Marshall Green, and Elizabeth Shaw, played by Noomi Rapace. They found paintings, showing the same diagram from different cultures, all over the world. This makes them believe that they were created by aliens. This also grabs the attention of Peter Weyland, played by Guy Pearce. He enlists a crew of 17 to check out the exact location. Meredith, played by Charlize Theron, is heading the operation along with an android named David, played by Micheal Fassbender. She instructs the archaeologists not to make contact under any circumstances. The archaeologists learn that the Weyland corporation has its own agenda but can't put their finger on it. What they really needed to worry about was that android.

Sneaky little bastard

After finding the site they were looking for they investigate the area. They learn that they did indeed come from an alien race and looks like they were engineered for a purpose. Shaw manages to get one of the engineers head and brings it back to the ship. David also manages to sneak away with an alien substance. He puts the substance in one of Logan's drinks. This causes Logan to get very sick and Meredith has no choice but to put him out of his misery. Little did they know that their misery had just begun.

Ah shit!

Shaw learns that she has become pregnant from Logan's super sperm. The Weyland Corp wants to freeze her long enough to get her back to Earth but she has other plans. She escapes and performs a C section via a mechanical machine. What came out of her looked like a squid on steroids. We learn that Peter Weyland was on board the ship the whole time and that David has been working for him. There is one engineer still alive and Peter wants to know if it can save him from certain death. What it does is kick the living shit out of everyone and sets his sight on earth. Can Elizabeth and the rest of the crew stop the engineer from destroying the entire human race? Probably not.

We're fucked!

ACTING

The acting here was great. Everyone seemed to have chemistry with one another. You could cut the tension with a knife with some of the actors. Micheal was able to deliver with everyone he spoke too. Charlize did as well and I think her playing villains is a great career move. These characters make you want them to survive or die horrible deaths. When you want one person to make it out alive and the other to be crushed to death, getting her just due, you did your job.

They don't pay us enough

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The special effects are breathtaking. They did a fine job with detail and suspense. The aliens looked real enough to pass as terrifying. The last half hour truly showed how far we came in special effects. The 3D does make this film better in every way. They didn't have things jump out at you or poke you in the eye, but added depth to the environment and the terror as whole. I wish more horror/thrillers fellow suit.

I'm just speechless

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelof. They put together a unique story from all religious prospects. The dialog seemed natural and the story flows at decent pace. They managed to add an intriguing storyline with suspense and thrills. Ridley Scott was able to capture the fear of everyone involved. The way he filmed this movie makes you gasp for air and cringe in disgust. I'm glad he returned to the Sci-Fi genre because it needs more directors like him.

THE END

The movie is a must see. It has an interesting story and explains a lot about the alien franchise. It does this indirectly while giving us a whole new world to explore.You will see the first face hugger and an ancestor of the aliens you came to love. It is an intriguing film and makes you ask the question "Where did we come from?"

OVERALL

STORY 8 out of 10
ACTING 7 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10

OVERALL 8 out of 10 (Must See)

Snow White And The Huntsman Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-06-11T14:14:00.003-04:00

What the bloody hell?

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

When I first heard of this movie I had it confused with Mirror Mirror. I thought Tarsem Singh was directing and was highly disappointed when I learned of my misinformation. No worries though, this film still sports the underrated Kristen Stewart and the overrated Chris Hemsworth. The pretty Charlize Theron is playing The Queen and the special effects didn't seem all that bad. Still, I thought that the cast would fail at chemistry and destroy the movie. Luckily this turned out false but still left a bad taste in my mouth. No matter how hard I tried getting into this film I couldn't help but feel something was off.

STORY

The story begins with Snow White as a child. She is the most beautiful lady of the land and is admired throughout. She is able to bring joy to whomever she sees and blah blah blah, you heard the story before no doubt. Her father, however, had to deal with the lose of his wife from a deadly disease. An army of witchcraft saw this as the perfect time to start a war. The father charges into battle only to be greeted by an army made of glass. After dispatching the army he rescues a beautiful woman named Ravenna, played by Charlize Theron. He instantly falls in love and marries her the next day. She informs him that she was behind the attack by stabbing him in the chest. She lets in her real army and takes over his kingdom, imprisoning Snow White at the top of the tower. She was a real bitch to say the least.

Milf

Fast forward about a decade later and The Queen is showing her age. She needs to consume youth from women and men in order to look young. She asks the mirror who's the most fairest of all. The mirror busts her bubble and tells her it's Snow White, but in order to remain her young self she needs to eat the heart of Snow White. She commands her brother to bring her in but he fails to do so. He allowed his horny self to talk too much and Snow White managed to escape. The Queen orders a Huntsman played by, Chris Hemworth, to bring the princess to her, in exchange that she will bring his dead wife back to life. You can guess what he agreed too.

Dumbass

Once he finds Snow White she informs him that The Queen is a liar. The brother spills the beans and tells The Huntsman the truth. The Huntsman proceeds to save Snow White countless times throughout the rest of the story. He learns of her true nature and wants to protect her. Meanwhile, her childhood friend is also out looking for her and wants to redeem himself for leaving her behind. Can her friend find her and make things right? Will Snow White regain her thrown and kill The Queen? Will the Huntsman fall in love with Snow White and break her curse? The questions have already been answered if you watch the trailer closely.

Joan of Arc?

ACTING

The acting was pretty decent overall. It felt like Chris and Kristen had the most chemistry out of the bunch. I enjoyed the other cast members performances but it all seemed to fail once they starting talking to Kristen. It was like she sucked the talent right out of them. Charlize Theron played The Queen well but was too over dramatic for my taste. Charlize knows how to act and pulled one of the best performances in this film. Overall the acting isn't bad but it's not a home run either.

Milk

SPECIAL EFFECTS

I enjoyed the look of the film and the CGI. The effects are eye popping and somewhat gut - wrenching. I liked the battle scenes and how they made the dark forest come to life. The witches magic looked as evil as it could be without giving it a R rating. You can tell they wanted to make it darker but the studio wouldn't let their guard down. Despite that most of you should be happy with the outcome in this department.

O shit

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by too many writers to care about and directed by Rupert Sanders. The story took to long to pick up and when it did I wasn't satisfied. They talked a lot and gave us nothing to excite us. I got bored real quick. The dialog is believable and I liked how they made The Huntsman act like a drunk Thor. It brightened up some of the dark sides of the script. The directing was spot on and I saw nothing wrong in this department. I know the director wanted to balance the film with story and action but it didn't click. He did the best he could and it shows on camera.

THE END

The film is worth a view but not on the big screen. I would advise to wait for video. You might fall asleep before the action starts. Other wise the film is pretty decent and gives a unique take on Snow White. The Brothers Grimm might be proud if they were still alive. On second thought... probably not.

Kristen Stewart as Snow White? Fuckers!

OVERALL

STORY 5 out of 10
ACTING 6 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 5 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10

OVERALL 6 out of 10 (WAIT FOR DVD)

MEN IN BLACK 3 REVIEW (MINOR SPOILERS)

2012-05-31T12:55:00.000-04:00

O yeah!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

It's been awhile since we seen Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith together. At first I thought this movie would never be made. Tommy is getting old and it shows. Will is the biggest actor in Hollywood so you know his paycheck is large. It's not like either man needed the money and the series seemed to have come to an end. I'm glad that they continued their adventures and decided not to go with a closing story. This movie, instead, explained their relationship and brought their past, present, and future to full circle.

STORY

The story begins with a hot piece of ass bringing a prisoner some cake. It's not an ordinary cake but a cake baked with a parasite. The parasite manages to deliver some mayhem before joining his former master. Together they break out of a prison, set on the moon, to get revenge on Agent K, played by Tommy Lee Jones. It seems that Agent K took his arm and ended his entire race. Seems as though his vengeance is justified.

That ass is mine

Agent J, played by Will Smith, and K are still having partner problems. It's been over a decade and Agent K has yet to get personal. Agent J is curious to know why K is so anti social but his new boss Agent O, played by Emma Thompson, wants him to keep his mouth shut. After an encounter with Boris The Animal, the escaped convict from the moon, Agent K is disturbed. Agent J wants answers but is denied at every turn. He gets a phone call from Agent K telling him that there are some secrets best not known. Agent J will wish he never hung up the phone because soon after, Agent K is killed... that's in the past of course.

Not today?

Agent J is now in a new future without K and the world is turning into a real mess. Boris The Animal managed to keep his race alive and is now invading earth. Agent O tells Agent J that he needs to time jump and go back into the past to save Agent K. He does just that and realizes that Agent K wasn't always so uptight. I would give away more but that will take the fun out of going to the theaters.

ACTING

The acting was spot on. Josh Brolin nailed Tommy Lee Jones character. It was like looking into the past and seeing a younger version of your favorite character. The chemistry was there and it seemed like everyone was having fun. Jemaine Clement played a great villain. He was believable as a threat and made me think he was capable of pulling it off. Overall the acting is very good and I can't think of anyone who disappointed the audience.

Team work!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The special effects are great. Loved the CGI and how they were able to capture the feel of the sixties. The CGI may come off as cartoonish for some parts but it was meant to be that way. The aliens looked unique and oddly reminded me of the Fifth Element. Overall they did a fantastic job.

Ain't he cute?

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Etan Cohen and directed by Lowell Cunningham. The story is able to flow well and Etan was able to capture the chemistry and feel of all the main characters. The dialog was OK but I thought Will Smith tried too hard to make some of it come off as funny. The directing was decent at best. I felt that something was missing in this department. The 3D didn't help matters either. The film is well written but the directing may have needed more work.

THE END

The film is a must see. It brings all three movies together and it was a fun ride. What I mean by that is that it brings K and J's relationship to a whole new depth and height. The movie doesn't end the series but keeps it going. I wouldn't be surprised if a 4th one is made in the near future.

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (WORTH SEEING)

Battleship Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-05-15T13:34:00.000-04:00

Hollywood is fucking high

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

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........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
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Yeah that's how I feel for wasting my damn time!

STORY

The one question that dwindles in our minds are if we're alone. In this movie that question was answered when scientists found a planet that is in the right spot to create life. They decided to send a message to the planet, hoping to make contact. This proves to be a stupid move. Commander Stone, played by Alexander Skarsgard, is having a hard time keeping his brother in line. He is a loser that would rather steal a chicken burrito for a hot girl than to get a job. Due to his latest fuck up Commander Stone tells him that he has to join the Navy or be his little bitch forever. He agrees but only because that little stunt of his won him the heart of the beautiful Sam, played by Brooklyn Decker. Yes you can roll your eyes now.

Like him

He is trying to ask her father if he could marry her (like that matters now a days) but he is too afraid of him. That's because he knows that he's a major fuck up and doesn't deserve his daughter. He eventually gets told that he's getting kicked out of the Navy and this will be his final test run. Distraught he and his team set out to the waters for a testing drill, when they come into contact with deadly aliens. This turns into a heated battle of wits that only the navy, of many different countries, can fight. Can they put their differences aside and win the war against worlds? You can guess the answer.

Yeah good luck with that.

ACTING

Horrible! I felt that Taylor Kirsch character was more of a special needs student than an actual Navy Seal. Rihanna did a great job when she wasn't trying to be a bad ass. She came off cute and funny but her acting like a soldier was cringe worthy. I can see her doing comedies or having smaller roles but action is not for her, at least not yet. Alex and Liam Neeson was the best ones here but there isn't enough screen time for them for you to enjoy. Shame because they could have saved this film.

O get a damn room

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The only good part about this movie. The effects are great and eye popping. I loved the battle scenes because they did get you off your feet. The CGI is great and it does not disappoint. I wish I could say the same for everything else.

The only good thing

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Jon and Erich Hoeber and directed by Peter Berg. I don't know what the Hoebers were thinking but the dialog is a mess, the characters suck, and nothing is believable. The directing, however, was great. Peter did a great job turning this boring movie into an action packed adventure. I actually wish they went the Michael Bay route with this film because the writers need to learn a little something about character development and telling an intriguing story.

THE END

Don't bother watching it. I urge you to save your money and see the Avengers again. This is a complete waste of time. I can say that the action and special effects is the only reason I'm not sending this into the toilet. One of the worst movies of the year!

OVERALL

STORY 2 out of 10
ACTING 4 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 3 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 4 out of 10 (SKIP THIS PIECE OF CRAP)

Dark Shadows Review (MINOR SPOILERS)

2012-05-15T12:47:00.002-04:00

Dark and Funny... for some

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

Not too many of you know that this film was once a TV show. Not any TV show but a hit. It was suspenseful, rich in goth detail, and the first real show about loving a vampire, way before Buffy and Angel and all this Twilight mess. You can call the show an original piece of art. A few decades later and the new generation just laughs at it. Tim Burton decided to turn this drama show into a comedic satire of the 70s. The film itself isn't bad, it's just not for everyone from either generation. The only saving grace of this film was Johnny Depp. What role can't this guy play?

STORY

Barnabas Collins, played by Johnny Depp, was born into a rich family. He watched as his parents turned their misfortune into a pot of gold. He wasn't the only one though. Angelique, played by Eva Green, was obsessed with Barnabas. She becomes his live in maid and lover and watches as he fondles every woman that crosses his path. He does fall in love with his dream girl and marries her. This pisses Angelique off and makes Barnabas life hell. She first kills his parents and then sends his beloved wife over a cliff. He commits suicide by jumping in after her only to learn that she cursed him as a vampire! That Bitch!

A nasty one at that!

She is able to convince a mob to trap Barnabas in a coffin for 197 years. Once freed he goes on a killing spree to quince his thirst. He realizes that he is in a new world facing the McDonald dragon. The only thing he cares about though is fixing the family business and helping his family. Elizabeth Collins, played by Michelle Pfeiffer, tells him that the family business is in ruins and the the fortune is non existent. Barnabas convinces her to let him stay in exchange that he restarts the family business and keeps his dark secret a secret. There is one problem though. Angelique still runs the town.

Like a diva

He also falls for the governess Winters, played by Bella Heathcote. She looks like his late wife and wants to make her his bride. This pisses of Angelique once again and offers him the town in exchange for his love. He tells her fuck no and vows to take her down. She's no fool and traps him in a new environment. An unlikely hero comes to his rescue but is the damage too late? Angelique is going to attack his family and Barnabas may not be strong enough to stop her. What can a vampire and a whack family do?

Besides looking like the Addams Family

ACTING

The acting here was great for a comedy like this. The chemistry between the actors are great and believable. Chloe Moretz plays the sexually frustrated teenager. She was awesome as a brat but when she tried to be sexy I couldn't help but put my head down. It didn't work. What did work was Johnny Depp. He owned his role and pretty much single handily made this movie worth watching. He brought the best out of all his actors and gave the film what it needed. Eva Green did a great job too but not with just her words but her facial expressions as well. However, if it wasn't for Depp this movie wouldn't be all that good.

She was alright too

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects here were lovely. I loved the 70s setting. It was like going back in time and watching an era. The blood is never too much and the action is an enjoyable experience. The cracking of the witch was a nice touch. It reminded me of a mannequin with imperfections. Overall this department did a fine job.

What a diva!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Seth Smith and Directed by Tim Burton. Seth wrote some interesting dialog. Not once did I feel that anything was unnatural. The story flowed with a decent pace that didn't leave you bored. I wasn't too happy with the ending because they threw to much at us in a short time. Tim Burton is his usual weird self. He gave us unique artistry which brought this movie to life. He is one of the best directors in Hollywood and this film shows it.

THE END

The movie is worth a watch. It would make a good date movie and it's good for a few laughs. Johnny Depp is amazing in this film. He is a great actor and one day will win an Oscar. He made the movie what it is. Like I said it's not for everyone but the film is still worth a shot. You might be one of those that love it.

OVERALL

STORY - 7 out of 10
ACTING - 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS - 7 out of 10
WRITING - 7 out of 10
DIRECTING - 8 out of 10

OVERALL - 7 out of 10 (GIVE IT A SHOT)

The Avengers Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-05-07T11:21:00.003-04:00

O God yes!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

It's about damn time! All this wait for the most anticipated movie of all time was tiring. Fan boys finally achieved their orgasms when the movie opened this past Friday. I decided to wait after the weekend was over to give some people a chance of seeing it so they could stop bothering me about it. I for one couldn't wait to see it and the excitement building around it was breathtaking. People standing in line dressed as Iron Man and Black Widow made the experience even more special. So for all this hype did the movie deliver the goods? I can say that this movie did give you everything you wanted but left you wanting more. That's not a bad thing either.

STORY

Something weird is happening at a S.H.I.E.L.D base that drew the attention of Nick Fury, played by Samuel L. Jackson. He enlisted Hawkeye, played by Jeremy Renney, to watch over the Tesseract. Loki, played by Tom Hiddleston, uses the Tesseract to enter earth. He quickly disables everyone and takes Hawkeye as his stooge. Fearing that war may come to earth he invokes the Avenger clause. When shit hits the fan, call on the Avengers. One problem though. They may not give a damn.

I always care

Black Widow talks the Hulk into coming on board but only as a scientist. He and Tony Stark both hit it off once they meet. I wish I could say the same for him and Thor but they ended up on different pages and up each other's ass. Thor wants to take Loki back home but Iron Man and his crew needs him to find the Tesseract. After a physical disagreement Captian America was able to talk sense into both of them. After his Shield met Thor's Hammer of course.

Lets just be friends ok?

Once they detain Loki they immediately know something is up. Black Widow mentally seduces Loki into telling her what he wanted. That's to take control of the Hulk and send him into a back breaking rampage. Hawkeye and his crew finds them all and unleashes a shit storm upon them. This causes Bruce to get very angry and turns himself into the Hulk. He almost eats Black Widow until Thor came to the rescue. The fight that everyone want to see happened, proving that Thor can withstand the Hulk and the Hulk can toss Thor around like a rag doll. Thor found out the hard way that Gods can bleed.

You got to go see it for yourself

Loki manages to piss them all off by killing a trusted friend. Filled with vengeance they all come back together to not only save the world but kick the shit out of Loki. Captain emerges as their team leader and calls all the shots. The battle itself was epic and it was neat to see them all come together for a common purpose. The film is a thrill ride from beginning to end and a comic books lover dream come true. The Avengers lived up to the hype.

ACTING

The acting here was great. Every person played their character like they did in their own films. Mark Ruffalo played a better Hulk in my opinion than Edward Norton. He brought a different demeanor to the Hulk rather than being depressed all the time. The chemistry with the main super heroes was intact. Robert Downer Jr and Mark flowed great together while Chris Evans tried to fit in but ended up having tension with just about everyone else except for Jeremy and Scarlett Johansson. Samuel L. Jackson was dead on with everyone he touched and didn't lack a sense of nobility while being a straight up liar. Overall the acting was believable which made the film even better.

Epic!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The special effects were great for the eyes. You have to see it in 3D. It reminded me of Transformers 3. The 3D in that movie was better but the Avengers damn sure came close to surpassing it. The CGI looked real enough to please comic book fans and action lovers alike. The only thing that made me laugh was seeing Black Widow with that starter pistol shooting up the aliens. Like come on guys. You couldn't give that female Rambo a better weapon? Overall the special effects won't disappoint you.

Who is the Master?

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written and directed by Joss Whedon. He was able to mix up the humor and the serious tone nicely. He captured the humor of Tony Stark, the soldier boy attitude of Captain America, Thor's Godly demeanor, and Hulk's ability to rip shit apart. He wrote some nail biting and intense scenes but some of the dialog could have been left out. The movie is predictable but I doubt that will matter in the long run. His directing didn't bring anything new. He was able to capture some spectacular shots but overall It's just another action packed movie. I did like it when Hulk knocked out a dinosaur like alien with one punch. A great scene for a great movie.

OVERALL

It's a must see. See it in IMAX and 3D. It's worth every penny. You might feel the need to watch it 2 or 3 times. I know a lot of people will. It's that type of movie that's so much fun you got to see it multiple times. It's a lot of fun and a great pick me up movie.

Knee to the head bitch!

OVERALL

STORY 6 out of 10
ACTING 7 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

The Raven Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-04-18T19:49:00.001-04:00

Really? REALLY!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

Why in the blue hell would they make a film about Edgar Allen Poe as a fake ass Sherlock Holmes? Why in the hell is John Cusack still acting? The trailer itself didn't help matters. It looked like a cheap ripoff of Seven and the bastard child of Saw. None the less I was willing to give this film a chance. I'm glad I did because it proved my fears right. It's a waste of time that should be avoided by any horror or thriller fan. We can watch better.

STORY

This story takes place at a time where Mr. Poe is no longer the famous poet and author. He is an outcast in the literacy genre and no publisher is willing to touch his work. He is in debt struggling to make ends meet. He has filtered away as a drunk and it looks as if he has lost faith in himself but someone hasn't. A huge obsessive fan challenges Poe to a game of wits when he starts using his stories as an inspiration to his killing spree. He literally asks Poe to join in on the fun but Poe doesn't want to play the SAW game. That is until the killer kidnaps his girlfriend and gives Poe something to fight for. Can he pull it off or will this be the last story that Edgar will ever write?

O shit!

ACTING

Yeah OK. More like forcibly acting. I couldn't feel any chemistry between John and Luke Evans. It seems as though these two guys don't mesh well. Everyone else were just playing their roles the best they could. I couldn't feel anything real from the characters except for Alice Eve. She seemed to be the only one that enjoyed herself. Everyone else seemed as if they just came for the pay check.

Yucks!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

This movie is bloodier than I thought. It reminded me a lot of Seven. One of the scenes made me gag when I saw the killer stuff a little girl in the chimney. The gore is a little too excessive in some scenes. I did enjoy the scenery and how dark they made everything look. Watching as people were tortured and mutilated wasn't something I was expecting. Overall the team did it's job to make the movie better than it should be.

HELPPPPPPP!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Ben Livingston and Hannah Shakespeare. They put together a decent enough story that failed miserably. It started out as a promising movie but failed as the film went on. It was like the writers gave up on trying to be original and used left over plots from movies like Seven. The directing, however, wasn't bad. James McTeigue was able to capture the dread of the victims without making it too over the top. It's a shame that he had no choice but to fall in line with the Saw films. You will notice similar directing styles from the film. It's pretty much a ripoff of several films that did it better.

THE END

Don't bother. Don't waste your money. Just leave it alone and maybe you will forget about it. The movie isn't that great and drags on too long. Maybe with a better cast this movie would have turned out alright. They should have hired people that gave a damn!

Shame on you!

OVERALL

STORY 4 out of 10
ACTING 5 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 4 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL 5 out of 10 (SKIP IT)

Cabin In the Woods Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-04-18T18:24:00.001-04:00

Funny and Campy

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

When I first saw the trailer I thought I was going to watch a horror movie. Then I saw who co wrote the film, Joss Whedon. I love this guy. He is able to take things with a serious tone and make it funny. I knew then that this film will be witty, funny, sometimes scary, and a thrill ride. After the movie I felt satisfied with what I saw. Others did not. I understand why though, since the trailer does deceive you but how else could you market this movie? You can't so they lied. It's still a fun film though.

STORY

A group of five friends are spending a weekend at a friends cousin's cabin deep in the woods. Dana, played by Kristen Connolly, is joining her best friend Jules, played by Anna Hutchison, and her boyfriend Curt, played by Chris Hemsworth, for a weekend get away. They are hooking her up with a cute friend of Curt's. They are hoping this will help her to get over her passed relationship with her professor. Marty, played by Fran Kranz, tags along to supply the weed and fun. As they leave we learn they are being monitored by an organization that is prepping them for something big.

Assholes with a hottie!

This company specializes in kissing the ancient gods' asses. They need to perform rituals all over the world so the ancient gods don't return and make everyone suffer. It's quite simple as long as the victims unknowingly play their part. Once everyone is acquainted the party begins. They let open the cellar door so the victims can choose their fate. There's a bunch of old stuff down there that if played with or opened can release a certain demon or monster. Lucky for them Dana read from a book that awakened a zombie family. A family that has a 100 percent clearance rate. In other words, they're fucked!

Like her!

They weren't the only ones that was fucked though. The company itself is having a bad night. It seems that all the other rituals has failed and it's up to the Americans to pull it off. While one side is trying to get the friends killed, the friends themselves are fighting for their lives. It's a struggle that both sides won't give up. The ending was a breath of fresh air and gives you something to think about. The film itself was just plain fun.

See... monster fun!

ACTING

The acting seemed pretty good for a film like this. I preferred the scientists more than I did the actual college students. They showed more personality and were fun to watch on screen. The chemistry for the most part wasn't sparking but I did enjoy Fran's role. He brought humor and some pretty good one liners to the mix. It's the people behind the scenes that you're probably like the most. They had chemistry. The others were still looking for theirs'.

I should have stayed my ass home.

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The overall effects were good. It didn't look like a low budget film until the CGI came in. I feel as though they could have done without all the silly monsters. When they were attacking I couldn't help but laugh and cringe. The gore is there when needed and it doesn't go too over the top.

Well almost everything

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written but Joss Whedon and Drew Goodard. They put together a neat story with multidimensional characters. They managed to juggle multiple story lines without it getting too messy. The dialog is a bit cheesy but it can be forgiven. Drew also directed the movie. It has a dark feel to it but he was able to mix it up with laughter and sarcasm. The environments are intriguing and everything is in full view. A great job by a great team.

THE END

It's a must see, just not at the theaters. You should wait for DVD and watch it around Halloween. You'll enjoy it more. This movie is not a complete horror film. It actually makes fun of the genre while giving nods to fan favorites. It's a film that I think most of you will enjoy if you know what you're getting yourself into.

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10

ACTING 7 out of 10

SPECIAL EFFECTS 6 out of 10

WRITING 6 out of 10

DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (WAIT FOR DVD)

Wrath Of The Titans Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-04-18T13:15:00.001-04:00

Not this crap again!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

Why in the blue hell did they make a sequel? Didn't 20th Century Fox get the memo about how bad the first one was? Yeah the special effects were hot but that really was it. Well Alexa was pretty hot too but that's for another subject. Despite all its flaws the producers thought they could make more money with a bigger budget and less of the bullshit. They were wrong. The movie didn't draw well and has no sign of picking up steam. It's a shame because this movie is an improvement and out performed the first film in all accounts but that doesn't say much.

STORY

It has been quite awhile since the events in clash. Perseus, played by Sam Worthington, now has a son. He wants to live a normal life as a fisherman and neglects his godly relatives. Zeus, played by Liam Neeson, needs his help again. He tells him that the gods are losing their immortality due to people losing their faith in them. He tells them that the titans and other evil things will be unleashed on the world if he doesn't help him stop it. Perseus nicely tells his father to fuck off. Disappointed Zeus gathers his brothers to stop Kratos from being unleased. He is betrayed by Hedas and Ares. They made a deal with Kratos to capture Zeus in exchange that he lets them live. Zeus was having a shitty day.

Fuck you guys!

Perseus's village was attacked by a monster that almost had his son for lunch. This kicks him back into gear and decides to join the war. Apollo gives him his weapon to give to his bastard son Agenor, played by Toby Kebbell. Agenor is a thief and may by unworthy of such godly power. At least that's what Andromeda thinks. Now played by, Rosamund Pike, she joins them both on a quest to save the gods from the titans. This leads to one adventure that didn't disappoint with the action. Everything else well... that's why it's not doing so well.

Yeah it sucked!

ACTING

The acting here was better than the first. I saw chemistry between Rosamund and Sam that lacked with Alexa. It did feel like they wanted each other but I couldn't buy Rosamund as a warrior. Toby tried to be the comic relief but I found myself not laughing. He tried too hard and it came off on screen. I liked that the gods had more screen time but their performances felt wooden and stale. All their emotions felt forced. These guys are better actors than this and glad that this film won't be the only stand out on their resume.

Love birds!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

Once again this department rules. It's a true balls to the wall action film. I liked how they made Kratos look and the powers that he used. I thought it was a nice touch, having the gods fade away into nothing when killed. I would have let them explode with great power instead but you can't always get what you want. The special effects did not disappoint.

Eat me!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

This movie is written by too many writers to care for and directed by Jonathan Liebesman. The film actually made more sense than the first one. The story was straight forward and easy to follow. The characters were dull and I couldn't get invested in them. The directing wasn't bad though. It's an action movie so you know what to expect; Wide screen shots of the mayhem, fight scenes, comical reactions. It's all there. It brings nothing new to the table other than show how good the special effects team are at their job.

THE END

Skip it! This movie isn't great. If you like action then I recommend seeing it. Other than that it's a waste of time and money. I'm just hoping Warner Bros gets the memo. Probably not!

OVERALL

STORY 5 out of 10
ACTING 5 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 4 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10

OVERALL 6 out of 10 (DON"T WASTE YOUR TIME)

RANT PART 2: WHAT IF A ZOMBIE OUTBREAK REALLY HAPPENED?

2012-03-28T18:27:00.001-04:00

O shit!

WHY AM I DOING THIS?

Because I freaking can and zombie movies are in today like glittering vampires. The Walking Dead is a hit and the anime show High School Of The Dead is a smash. There are countless zombie movies on the market and more are being made. It brings us a world of imagination of how things would be if the world went to shit over night. How would we act? What would we do? Would we still have our morals? Do we even have any morals or are we just scared of society's consequence? I say if a zombie outbreak ever did happen we humans will revert back to our true form of survival, and that's not a good thing.

Yeah that!

No worries though right? A zombie outbreak will never happen. There isn't a thing on this earth that could cause an outbreak of this nature. I'm just a crazy little fool who needs to go out and get laid more often. Well I got news for you. I doubt there will be a virus that can actually reanimate the dead to do its bidding but there is a slight chance that evolution may kick us in the ass or should I say bite us on the neck.

Yummy!

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

No seriously! Scientists believe that one day, the rabies virus may mutate into more of a vicious son of a bitch that could spread like wild fire. Rabies is the closest thing to a zombie outbreak. It can only be passed through bites and can make you violent. They believe that a strain my be born that can cause people and animals to become more violent and more deadly than any disease before. I do find this to be hogwash but I can't help but think how it would be if this ever came true. A real life 28 days later. Awesome until we are being chased by them.

Awwwwwww!!!

Another way is a parasite that controls rats. This little fucker gets into the rat's brain and commands it to find a cat so it can get eaten. The reason being is because this parasite can only breed inside a cat's intestines. O and I found out that half of the worlds population is infected with this very parasite and it does control us a little. If a lady has a lot of cats more than likely it's because she's infected with the parasite. Isn't that some shit?

Parasite for a tongue bitch!

So what would happen if this parasite evolved to control humans the way it sees fit? They could use our dead bodies to spread its offspring to other humans. Parasites do this to other insects so why can't they do it to us? O wait they do!!!

SO WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THIS OCCURRED?

CHAOS! The world would go to shit. Imagine when your parents aren't home or if your wife is out the house for a few hours. We lose our fucking minds; walking around the house naked, drinking beer in your underwear while watching sports, masturbating to porn with the sound on, it's an awesome time. Now imagine where there is no more government. Can you imagine the looting that would take place? No one would be safe. You have to worry about the infected and also the crazies and rapists.

It's even in the bible

For those of you who read The Walking Dead you get the idea of how society would handle it. First the military would do it's best. After their failure the people are forever on their own until the outbreak passes. During those months or maybe years people will revert back to their natural instinct. But what is the natural instinct? Well to put it bluntly it's to eat, drink, find shelter, and fuck! Women won't have a say in almost anything because there is no laws to protect them. Sure they can fight back but not every female can beat up a man. Even those that can will run into a man they can't and he will turn them into his personal sex machine. Women will have no choice but to fall back into their old roles or become forever rape victims.

I think not!

We would probably have civil wars between leaders. I'm not talking about real leaders but wannabes. You know that kid from walmart? Yeah he has or is a part of a gang. Your professor? Probably dead or a loner but if not he's part of a crew. If you're reading this your probably end up in some group. What do they all have in common? Wanting to find a safe place to live and repopulate the earth. Problem is there isn't enough room for all that shit, so people will fight over it. If you have a safe home and won't let anyone else in, you better be ready to fight for it. Everyone will think this way and act this way. Not everyone will become rapists, sick murderers, or just go plain crazy but people will have to fight for their lives.

ARE YOU DONE YET!

Fuck yes I'm done. I secretly wish that there is a zombie outbreak so I don't have to pay anymore bills and kill some shit. A lot of people feel the same way too. It's a fantasy that some of us dream about but we all know would cry like a bitch if it actually happened. We live out our fantasies watching zombie movies and playing Resident Evil. A zombie outbreak will never happen unless the devil sends god a note saying "There's no more room in hell!" and he says "Fuck it! They need a good kick in the ass anyway."

The Hunger Games Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-03-25T19:08:00.000-04:00

Let the games begin!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

The hunger games is one of the best selling novels of all time. It has excitement, violence, a good story to tell, and star crossed lovers. After watching the trailer it looked promising enough to do the book justice. After watching the film I can say it's not a disappointment. I loved the style of the film and how it forced the actors to show fear and pity with their emotions and not their words. This movie is a must see for all book lovers.

STORY

The 74th hunger games is about to begin but for the residents of district 12 things aren't so exciting. Katniss sister is having nightmares about the games. Katniss reassures her that this is the first time her name is up for grabs but she needs not to worry. The odds of her getting picked are slim. She wanders off in the woods to catch some food but is interrupted by a trusted friend. He wants to move away from the districts and live in the woods. He invites Katniss to come along but she declines. She has very little interest for that life style and she doesn't see her sister living that way either. She will later wish she took him up on the offer because her sister was indeed picked for the hunger games!

I love my sister!

She decides to volunteer and take her sister's place. A boy named Peeta, played by Josh Hutcherson, is also picked for district 12. On the road to the games they meet their mentor Haymitch, played by Woody Harrelson. He is a drunk and has little interest in helping them win. This upsets Katniss to the point of challenging him. It wakes him up and he gives the advice that will keep them alive. He thinks that Peeta has what it takes to survive longer due to his social skills, but Katniss has the survival instinct to outlast everyone. Knowing this, Peeta tells the world that he has a crush on Katniss. This infuriates her but Haymitch sees an opportunity he could not miss.

Fuck you all!

He uses this to bill them as star crossed lovers, making them favorites. This gets them sponsors to send them food and medicine. It even gets the capital to change the ruling from having only one winner to two, if both come from the same district. This drives Katniss to team up with the clever Peeta to win the games together, but will he win over her heart is the real question. Too bad the other district tributes weren't on the same board.

Like this guy.

ACTING

The actors did a good job with their roles. I liked how they showed their fear and not talked about it. Jennifer Lawerence didn't need words to show her emotions. Josh and Lawerence had enough chemistry to pass as pretending lovers. I even wanted to see them kiss but it didn't happen. Woody Harrelson played his character to the bone which may make the fans happy. I even enjoyed Wes Bently's role because he was a likable villain. Actually I don't think he was a villain, just a man doing his job. Donald Sutherland played the cold hearted President Snow. He gave off an eerie presence that tied a knot in peoples throats. A job well done for most of the cast.

Where's the vodka?

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects are simply eye popping. Loved the fire on the dress scene. It was classy and not over the top. Everything looked as real as it could be for that type of world. Loved the unique outfits and hair cuts. It made the film feel more stylish and reminds me of the Fifth Element. It could have used more violence but I can live with that.

Too cool!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by too many writers to care for and Gary Ross. The story flows at the right pace setting up the main characters and people that you will care for later on. I just wished they had more character development for the other tributes. Their deaths would have been more meaningful if they had more lines. The directing was nicely done and kept the tone of the movie. I felt like I was watching a classic and not a action snuff movie. I wish this team works together on the sequel because they really have something going here.

THE END

It's a must see. The movie is a classic. Some people may not like the action because it was shot in a different tone. It's not an action packed movie but more of a love story and trust between friends. I say go see the film. You won't regret it.

Well maybe not everyone!

OVERALL

STORY 8 out of 10
ACTING 7 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 8 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 8 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

P.S. A little girl dies during the film. Very sad so bring a tissue.

American Reunion Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-03-23T14:22:00.000-04:00

Yummy!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

I always wondered how this group of characters would turn out. Would Stifler finally grow up? Would Jim and Michelle last as a married couple? And most importantly did Finch continue to bang Stifler's mom? All those questions were answered and then some in this comical sequel involving the original cast. I received a free screening and was delighted to see it two weeks before its release. I won't give away a lot of spoilers but I will say that the film still has the same feel of the other three and it's a must see.

STORY

It begins with Jim, played by Jason Biggs, and his wife Michelle, played by Alyson Hannigan, trying to put their baby to sleep. They finally do and they see an opportunity to get busy, but not with each other. It leaves Jim with a bloody dick and Michelle being caught with the shower hose. Jim learns that his ten year reunion is being held and hopes to get the gang together to relive their best memories. They all agree but doesn't want Stifler around to mess up their bond. Stifler is now someones bitch and wishes that he was still in high school again. He catches his friends at the bar and wonders why he wasn't invited. Luckily he's a dumb ass and they trick him into believing their BS story. They will wish that they would have shown some balls because Stifler got the party started and their lives almost ruined.

O yeah!

Wild antics ensued! Jim got involved with a high school student that wanted him to take her virginity. She wasn't going to take no for an answer and Jim spent most of the movie trying to fight her off and not give in to temptation. Oz, played by Chris Klein, has a wild and horny girlfriend that may be too much for him. He meets up with Heather, played by Mena Suvari, and her backstabbing boyfriend. Together they learn that they should have ended up together but will that be enough for them to rekindle their old flame? Finch manages to get into some trouble and fun of his own and Stifler is well Stifler, getting into trouble and causing mayhem. It was fun to watch.

SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!

ACTING

I couldn't find anything wrong with this department. Everyone had chemistry together. I enjoyed seeing Jason and Alyson together again. They looked so cute together. Chris and Mena pulled off the long lost lovers role pretty well. The man to see here was Sean William Scott. He brought this film to life with his whack humor and silly facial expressions. Every time he was on screen I couldn't help but laugh. I guess It's good to make movies with friends.

Class of 99

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects here were pretty funny. I enjoyed the lighting and the atmosphere the most. They didn't shy away from the crude humor and you will see lots of tits and ass and male penises swinging your way. One female actually squirts in Stifler's mouth which made him look like he stuck his head into the toilet. It was disgusting but very funny.

Pretty!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg. They did a great job with keeping the story at a decent pace and not neglecting any of the main characters. The dialog wasn't too bad either and nothing seemed forced. They wrote some good humor that will make you laugh out loud. Some of their problems were a bore but most of it will grab your attention. The directing is the best in the series. Nothing seemed out of focus and they were able to keep the actors true to their characters. They did an amazing job.

THE END

The movie is a must see. I loved how they were able to recapture the feel of the first two films (don't get me started on the third). It's funny, exciting, and wild. It will make a good date movie or a pre bar film before you have fun with the boys or girls. It's not a waste of money at all.

Buddies for life!!!

OVERALL

STORY 8 out of 10
ACTING 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 8 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10

OVERALL 8 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

P.S. Jim's dad is a riot as well!!!

21 JUMP STREET REVIEW (Minor Spoilers)

2012-03-22T14:21:00.001-04:00

Fuck Yeah!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

When I first heard about the 21 Jump Street movie I was floored with laughter. Hollywood has confirmed that they ran out of original ideas. After I got over my ignorance and saw the trailer I thought that this movie could be decent. I walked in expecting a half ass attempt at comedy and action. What I got was a half ass attempt at crude humor and wild antics. I liked it!!! It was funnier and more wild than I originally thought. The movie is still stupid but the people involved knew this and just wanted to have fun. It looks like they did.

STORY

Schmidt, played by Jonah Hill, is your average nerd with braces. He can't ask a girl out without choking. Jenko, played by Channing Tatum, is your average dumb jock who never took school seriously. Because of this they both missed the school prom and the best night of their lives. They met up again 7 years later at the police academy. They realize that they can benefit from one another and become friends. Once they graduated from the academy they were giving their first jobs, patrolling the local parks and beaches on bikes. Needless to say they weren't having any fun.

We won't get laid will we?

After a bad bust by Jenko they were reassigned to the rebooted jump street team. Their Captain, played by Ice Cube, is one mean motherf!!!er. He tells it how it is and holds nothing back. He tells them that they have to go back to high school and break up a drug ring that has already left one teen dead. Once in school Jenko is having a hard time adjusting to the new stereotypes while Schmidt has finally found his calling. They get in deep with the cool kids and start to crack the case. Unfortunately they begin to crack each other as well.

She wants his dick!

The tension becomes too much for the two partners and a comical fight breaks out. This leads them being expelled from school and kicked out of jump street. Luckily their new friend is scared out of his mind because he doesn't want to go to jail or end up dead . He tells them about the exchange and asks them to come with him for backup. This leads to a funny and action packed ending that left audiences with a wide grin. It was a fun film to watch all around.

O shit!

ACTING

The acting here wasn't too shabby. Channing and Jonah came off well together as partners. Channing has gotten better at doing comedy and acting as a whole. Ice Cube was funny to see as the hard ass captain and kept everyone squeezing their ears. The best chemistry, however, was between Jonah and Brie Larson. They looked cute together as a couple and you could feel the adorableness between the two. Even the street gang delivered. Overall it looked like these actors were having fun and it showed on screen.

He was mean!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The special effects wasn't bad either. I loved the action sequences and the highway chase scene. The gun shots sounded real enough and the atmosphere was bright and plentiful. There is a scene where a man gets castrated via a bullet to the penis. A sick scene that was meant to be funny and disturbing. I really liked how the film went retro when people got high. A nice touch to a nice film.

Let's rumble.

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Michael Bacall and directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller. Loved how Michael never took himself and the film too seriously. I wasn't expecting to hear some of the things that came out of the actors' mouths. The directing wasn't bad either. These two directors filmed the movie well, keeping everyone in view and nothing in the dark. Overall I wish this team works together again. They did a fine job.

THE END

The movie is a good view overall. I won't tell you not to see it in the theaters because it is a good movie but I would wait for DVD. Only because the movie should be owned and put into your DVD collection for multiple viewings. It doesn't take itself seriously which is a positive in my book. If only Miami Vice did the same.

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 7 out of 10
SPECIAL EFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (WAIT FOR DVD)

John Carter Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-03-11T18:58:00.003-04:00

Who the fuck is John Carter?

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

What the hell is a John Carter? Where did he come from? When did he start? I heard this saga is what gave George Lucas his Star Wars. After viewing the trailer I was still a little biased. After doing some research I learned the rich history of the character and was eager to see how Disney does the adaptation. I can tell you that John Carter is worth seeing on the big screen. It's one of those love it or hate it movies. It did neither for me.

STORY

The story begins with John Carter, played by Taylor Kitsch, leaving his will to his nephew. His nephew reads his journal and learns of his great adventures. John Carter is searching for a cave full of gold when Captain Powell sends for him to join the war. He doesn't want to go and tries to escape 3 times before he is finally imprisoned. There he learns that the fourth time is a charm and manages to escape. He runs into some indians that start a minor scuffle with Powell's men. He watches Powell get shot and helps him to safety. Well at least he thought. He finds a cave with weird markings. He enters only to get attacked by a ghostly man dressing like a poor king. He kills it and mistakenly gets taken to Mars. Yes, that Mars!

I'm on Mars bitch!

Once he arrives he is astonished. He can jump really high and far and has super strength. He is taken alive by the leader of the Thrawk. He thinks he is a rare animal that can fight by his side. He doesn't know that there is a civil war going on and that a man by the name of Sab Than, played by Dominic West, is about to monopolize the planet. The only way he will stop if he marries a beautiful princess named Dejah, played by Lynn Collins. She escapes and inadvertently bumps into John Carter. They save each other but finds themselves imprisoned by the Thrawks.

O no!

The leader has a change of heart and sets them free. Dejay wants Carter to help her defend her people but Carter wants to go home. She lies to him about where they're going and he decides to bait the information out of her. This leads to an adventure that you should see. A movie that will live on forever in your heart. OK not really but it is an intense adventure and a good movie to see over the weekend.

ACTING

Blah. It all seemed forced to me. You could tell that most of the characters were acting and not feeling their roles, including Taylor Kitsch. He did have a few funny moments but overall he didn't own the role, at least in my eyes. Lynn Collins was beautiful to look at but that's about it. She also fell to the forceable entry. Mark Strong, William Dafoe, and Thomas Hayden Church made the film watchable. Their performances were the best of the crew and you could tell by their voices that they knew what they were doing. Overall don't see this for its acting.

The beautiful bride to be.

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects were great. The 3D wasn't. I liked the action scenes but I felt that it could have been more of a spectacle. The CGI itself wasn't a complete let down but I wouldn't compare it to Transformers or Avatar. The 3D adds nothing to the action and was a disappointment. Watch it in 2D and save some money.

Sweet!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

This movie was written by too many writers that I care not to mention and directed by Andrew Stanton. The story flowed nicely and he was able to keep the different story lines from becoming too confusing. The dialog was good but it was the actors that failed at the delivery. The directing was better than I thought. Andrew was able to capture the heart of John Carter without sacrificing quality. Overall this department did well.

THE END

It's a decent movie to see in the theaters. Just skip the 3D. It's a waste of time. Despite the acting the movie is still enjoyable. If you like adventure films then this is for you. The ending just made me smile.

Can you see me smiling?

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 5 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 6 out of 10 (Not a bad film overall)

Hatchet 2 Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-03-11T18:45:00.000-04:00

O shit!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

I couldn't wait to see this movie. The first Hatchet ended with me wanting more. The first movie was a comic relief from horror and I truly enjoyed it. I was hoping that the second one would carry the same weight. This film doesn't deliver the same bite the first one did but it remains a decent movie. So far the franchise is everything it was suppose to be; Wacky, disgusting, gory, tittyful fun!

STORY

It begins where the first movie left off... literally. Victor is choking the life out of Marybeth, this time played by Danielle Harris, on a row boat. She manages to get away and be saved by Jack Cracker (The one that drinks his own piss from the first movie), played by John Carl Buechler. He takes her to his cottage in the woods and informs her that she is very lucky. She tells him her full name and within moments tells her to get out. She is connected to Victor Crowley and doesn't want to get on his bad side. He threatens to kill her via a shotgun if she doesn't obey. Reluctantly she leaves heading back into town to get more information about her history with Victor. As for Jack Cracker, he wasn't so lucky.

Poor Bastard!

She returns to town and demands answers from Rev Zombie, played by Tony Todd. He tells her the real story of how Victor came to be and his death. She learns that her dad was one of the young boys who help kill him. Rev Zombie sees this as a chance to rid the swamp of Victor once and for all. He assembles a team of hunters to enter the swamp and hunt down Victor for a ransom. Danielle joins the trip but only to get the remains of her father and brother back. She doesn't know that Zombie is only using her to get her Uncle Bob into the swamp so Victor could kill him and the other boy. He thinks letting Victor have his way with the last two remaining boys, that killed him, will lift the curse. What a dick huh?

ASSHOLE

Once in the woods everyone starts getting their ass kicked. A guy gets his head cut off while banging a hot blond, a hot blond ended up banging a dead corpse until she received a Hatchet up the vagina, someone got cut in half, a person was pulled out of his own skin, and many more disturbing kills. It was freaking great! It ends similar to how the first one ended. It was a good way to make people question if this story is truly over. Let's hope not.

O shit!

ACTING

The acting here wasn't too bad. It doesn't match what the first one did but it was still enjoyable. Danielle did an OK job but I felt that the last actress was better. I couldn't feel chemistry with anyone unless they were talking to Tony Todd. He made this movie watchable and his performance as a creep was believable. The returning Parry Shen was better this time around. He played a less comical character and more of a sympathetic coward. He was the only one that I was routing for not to get killed, which tells me he did his job. Overall the acting isn't the best but it's not the worst either.

I never said this site was PG

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects here was good. You could tell that it was still low budget but I doubt that will matter to you. The kill scenes are the best part of the movie. Loved the part where the guy got ripped out of his own skin. That made my jaw drop. I felt that the makeup of Victor Crowley was less impressive this time. I had to take a double take to see if that was the same monster. Overall the effects aren't too shabby.

Ugly ass!!!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written and directed by Adam Green. This time around the characters were dull. He had a sad story going but failed to give it some juice. He could have done so much more with the other characters but he choose not to pull the trigger. The humor was lackluster and I failed to laugh like I did the last time. His directing has improved though. The action was in full view and the angles that he used didn't look amateurish. He learned from his past mistakes.

THE END

Overall the first one is better but the sequel does it justice. I enjoyed the deaths and story as a whole. It's a fun watch if you are into these type of films. It has it's jumps and scares that can make your stomach cringe. A decent B movie.

I had to show them titties one more time!!!

OVERALL

STORY 6 out of 10
ACTING 5 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 6 out of 10
WRITING 5 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL 6 out of 10 (DECENT FILM)

Project X Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-03-03T16:00:00.004-05:00

Fucking Awesome

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

This is every partiers dream. Throwing a party that will not only make you a household name but will make you infamous. Attending such a party will probably get you arrested, laid, and high. When I saw the trailer I thought this was a wet dream by Joel Silver. The movie itself is a delight and it keeps you entertained from start to finish. I wish someone would throw a party like this so I can loosen my suit and tie and run around buck naked trying to devirginize a college freshman. This movie was a lot of fun.

STORY

The movie begins with Costa, played by Oliver Cooper, inspecting his friend's home. He tells us that it's Thomas's birthday and he is throwing him a party that he will never forget. Thomas, played by Thomas Mann, is a nerd. His own father thinks he is a loser and a wimp. Costa is going to change all of that by inviting a ton of horny and fun loving teenagers. He even steals a norm that displays a middle finger.

I want to be that pop

Thomas is worried that the party will be overwhelming but Costa reassures him that everything will be under control. Too bad that wasn't the case and the party gets out of control. There are midgets being thrown in ovens, naked chicks running around, dry humping galore, angry neighbors who punch kids, people flying off rooftops and my personal favorite... SEX! Thomas does manage to hook up with his best friend but soon manages to mess it up by hooking up with the school's hottest stank. Can you blame him though?

I'll hit it many many many times

A pissed off drug dealer shows up and lights the place on fire. His father's home is destroyed and maybe even his own life. He may have lost his best friend as well and could be facing jail time. Things do end up turning out all right for some of them and Thomas eventually gets his woman. Costa becomes a pimp and the world's greatest host. It was a party of a life time.

They're fucked up

ACTING

The chemistry with the cast is special. I didn't expect these actors to be so in tune with one another. Thomas played the soft nerd well but it was Oliver that made the movie. He delivered some good lines that made the audience laugh out loud. Jonathan Daniel Brown also added some fun to the mix with his sarcasm and bad dancing. Overall the entire cast was great to watch.

Hot

SPECIAL EFFECTS

For a movie like this I wasn't expecting a lot of effects. The flamethrower scene was done nicely and felt a bit creepy. Watching the car drive into the pool with a guy on top was pretty intense. A lot of peoples jaw hit the floor when that appeared on screen. Everything looked as real as it could be which made this film even better.

Dwarf madness

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by too many writers to mention and directed by Nima Nourizadeh. The story flowed well and the dialog was music to my ears. They managed to write some of the dumbest group of characters that was able to blossom on screen. The directing wasn't too shabby either. Everything was in full view and I loved the different camera angles. This film set out to be a fun ride and they did deliver.

Yeah I would so bang her! Lucky fuck.

THE END

It's a must see movie. After watching it I wanted to go out and get drunk myself. It has humor, tits, and lots of crazy antics. Go watch it this weekend. You may get some ideas yourself.

OVERALL

STORY 6 out of 10
ACTING 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

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Here's something extra!!!

Good Deeds Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-03-03T15:47:00.002-05:00

Good Deeds = Good Movie

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

Tyler Perry isn't someone I will say I'm a fan of. I don't watch his films because for some reason it doesn't reach me. If I want drama and to know about the struggle of the black man and woman I'll read a history book or go back to my neighborhood. However, after seeing the trailer for this film I was indeed interested. It's a little different from his other films and thought it deserved a watch. I wasn't disappointed and it's a good film to see from Tyler.
STORY

Wesley Deeds, played by Tyler Perry, has it all. He owns the Deed corporation which is expanding into new environments. He has a beautiful wife that comes from a successful family and money he can spend without a care in the world. His brother is the opposite. He drunk away his license and is now the black sheep of the family. Wesley tries to save his brother but finds himself caught in the middle of a family feud. As he is going to work he finds that someone has parked in his spot. As he investigates he notices that a little girl is in the back seat. He doesn't understand how someone can just leave a child in a car like that. Lindsey, played by Thandie Newton, had to bring him back to reality.

Things aren't also dandy over here.

Lindsey works at the corporation as a janitor. She has been recently evicted out of her home and has no where to stay. Wesley feels compelled to help her and does so. Lindsey is also facing a threat of losing her child. Social services is on her tail when they learned that she has become homeless. Wesley gives her a rent free apartment so she can keep her child. They soon fall for one another and Wesley begins to live a new life. Too bad the old one is still lingering around.

Stop hating

His soon to be wife lashes out at him for being too predictable. They soon realize that even though they love each other it may be best to just let it end. Word gets out that Wesley is having an affair with Lindsey due to his brothers drunken word. They all end up in a elevator after an intense fight. This leads to Lindsey leaving Mr. Deeds but Wesley is hell bent on getting her back. Is he successful? Watching the movie will tell you so.

ACTING

The acting here was great. Tyler Perry played the seldom son well and I could feel his transition into a wild child. The tension between the actors could be cut with a knife. Gabrielle Union played the bitchy wife well and added a bit of spice to the mix. The chemistry between Thandie and Tyler was a pleasure to see on screen. I felt that the character of Lindsey did change Wesley Deeds. Overall it was fun to watch.

Family Feud

SPECIAL EFFECTS

This isn't much to report here other than the lighting and cinematography. Both brought the film to life and made the environments believable.

O yeah!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written and directed by Tyler Perry. He did a great job keeping the pace of the film. I felt that the characters was well written and he was able to capture the passion of each. However, I did think that he had way too much going on and he didn't need to expand some of the side characters. The directing was good as well. He was able to capture everyone in view and gave close ups of their emotions to tell the story. It was a fine job by a fine man.

Go Perry!

THE END

I recommend this film for any Tyler Perry fan. He didn't drop the ball with this one. If you're not a fan then I still recommend this to you. It's a different approach than his other films but it still manages to send the message he wanted. It's worth your time.

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 7 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (Worth your time)

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Act of Valor (Minor Spoilers)

2012-03-03T15:35:00.001-05:00

Call of Duty?

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

The Act of Valor. More like Call of Duty the movie. I heard a lot of hype over this film and was compelled to see it. It stars actual active duty Navy Seals fighting a real life threat. It was a nice hook to sell a film but at the same time does it tell a good story? After watching the film I have to say no. It felt like I was watching a live action video game rather than a feature film.

STORY

What story? It's pretty much a straight forward Call of Duty film but I'll give it a try. It mostly evolves around two Navy Seal men who have to deal with their family and going to war for their country. Together they are tracking Islamic insurgents who want to reach U.S. borders to inflict damage upon U.S. cities. It started as a rescue mission but quickly turned into a fight for their lives. Does the men stop the insurgents and rescue the captive? Of course they do or we would be living in a different America.

Bad ass

ACTING

Yuck! What acting? The Navy Seals aren't very good showing emotion unless it's anger. I couldn't feel for any one of them despite them being real people doing very real dangerous things. I thought I would see some real emotion when it came to their families but it didn't show through the screen. A polished actor would have delivered the lines better. Overall it sucked.

Needs lessons

SPECIAL EFFECTS

Here is where the movie succeeds. It used live ammunition and real explosives that shined on screen. The action is intense and unforgiving. I was glued to my seat watching the action unfold. If you want to see the most realistic military movie out there then this is for you. Just bring a bottle of aspirin because you will get a headache.

Run

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Kurt Johnstad and directed by Mike McCoy and Scott Waugh. Kurt wrote some intense sequences that made the movie engaging. It was everything else that stunk. The storyline was easy to follow but I found more intriguing story lines in military video games than this. I won't put the full blame on him when it comes to the characters and dialog. He didn't have good actors to make them jump from the page. The directing, however, was great. Mike and Scott was able to capture the action in full view. I loved how gritty it was and how they didn't hold back any punches when it came to violence. The only good thing of the film.

THE END

If you want brutal violence and see a bromance movie then this is for you. Other wise skip this movie. The acting is not great and the storyline itself isn't fulfilling. I would wait for video and save some money. I just wonder what's next? A live action MMA movie? Let's hope!

It's a Party

OVERALL

STORY 4 out of 10
ACTING 3 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 4 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 5 out of 10 (wait for video)

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SAFE HOUSE REVIEW (MINOR SPOILERS)

2012-02-11T13:04:00.003-05:00

The best thriller this year!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

This movie had me sold on Denzel playing the bad ass. He is one of the best actors Hollywood has to offer. Adding Ryan Reynolds to the mix just made it spicier. Putting both of them in a thriller should have made this movie a must see. It damn sure is because it delivers all the goods and more. One of the best films of the year!

STORY

Matt Weston, played by Ryan Reynolds, is a house keeper for the CIA. He houses some of the most dangerous criminals alive. Too bad he hardly sees any action. That is until Tobin Frost, played by Denzel Washington, shows up as his most welcomed guest. Tobin found himself in a lot of trouble with the CIA and South African authorities. It is believed that he has a file that contains all of the traders in every government agency. They want that file to cover their asses and to put a stop to Tobin for good. After a short torture scene the safe house is broken into. Everyone dies except for Matt. That's because Tobin talked him into taking him out of harm's way. This puts Matt in grave danger with everyone including his house guest.

You can trust me!

After an intense car chase Tobin tries to escape but Matt gets the upper hand. He informs his boss that he has him secure but needs another safe house. They arrange it but it will take them 12 hours to get there. His boss tells him to pick up a GPS that will show him the directions. The GPS is at a soccer event hiden in a locker. Once retrieved Tobin shows his ass and manages to escape. Matt tries to catch up with him but only manages to kill an officer and get his ear drum busted. He's lucky that Tobin only kills professionals.

This is all I did... for a year!

Worried that his career, and maybe life, is up in smoke he tries to recapture Frost. He uses his thinking skills and manages to find him. He ends up not only reclaiming his guest but also saving his life. He takes him to the new safe house to find out that it's not safe at all. Can Matt survive knowing the danger he's in and will Frost do anything to help him? Why should he? He's not his guest.

Just don't shoot me in the ass

ACTING

The acting here is superb. Denzel and Ryan have great chemistry together. The supporting staff were also believable characters and played their parts well. You can feel the tension between the characters and the need to smack one of them. It's a thrill ride all around.

Like these guys

SPECIAL EFFECTS

I enjoyed the lighting and the atmosphere they created. The fight scenes looked realistic enough to pass as legit. I liked how they made most of their characters scramble and claw when they were fighting and washed away all that over the top Jet Li crap. There were several car chases that brought in a raw intensity that helped the film stand out from its genre. It was nicely done and fun to watch.

Bad boy for life!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by David Guggenheim and directed by Daniel Espinosa. David put together a story that is intriguing and exciting. I was at the edge of my seat the whole time wondering how Matt and Tobin will get out of their situation. He mainly focused on the two main characters and their past. He never lost direction of the story and kept the main points in view. The movie is filmed in a gritty saturation that was able to capture the look and feel of the country. Daniel did a good job filming an action thriller that didn't disappoint.

THE END

It's a must see film. It's the best thriller this year. Denzel has chemistry with everyone and brings out the best in Ryan. I hope studios can make more films like this. I know Denzel will!

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

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The Woman in Black Review (Minor Spoilers)

2012-02-10T09:05:00.002-05:00

Not very scary at all.

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

They are calling this film the scariest movie of the year. If I had a dime for everytime I heard that I would be able to afford a high end hooker. I wouldn't want to use one though because I don't want crabs but you get the idea. I walked in the theater hoping that this promise will turn out true. Like all fake advertising it wasn't. To be disappointed would be putting it lightly. I've seen a good share of horror films featuring ghosts and this doesn't even reach the top 20. Don't waste your time!

STORY

The story takes place in the late 1880s. Arthur, played by Daniel Radcliffe, is a father who is full with grief. He lost his wife during child birth and is now having a hard time dealing with life and work, even after his son is old enough to understand his pain. His boss gives him one more chance to prove himself before he gets cut loose. He has to go to a home located in Nine Lives Causeway that is believed to be haunted. The town folk doesn't tell him any of this because they are either stupid or just plain dickheads.

Dickheads

They give him all kinds of run arounds to keep him from doing his job. Like any desperate man would, he finds a way to the house and experiences some crazy things. He keeps seeing a woman in black and she, at first, is playing mind games with him. He returns back to the villiage and witnesses a young girl die in front of him. The town folk blame him but won't tell him why. He goes to the house to stay the night and it's there that The Woman in Black shows her ass. It's not just mind tricks this time but lots of ghost fun. Before she can scare him shitless his friend pops up and stops the madness.

What's the ax going to do?

His friend refuses to believe it but his wife is no fool. She informs him about the curse and that whomever sees the woman a child dies. He fears that his son is next on her list and thinks of a way to end her streak. He thinks reuniting her with her dead son will do the trick. Do you think he is right? She did say that she will never forgive!

What did I do to deserve this?

ACTING

The acting here was decent at best. Daniel did pull off a different side of him that I think will drive him to a better acting career. It was his lack of fear that made me cringe. Not once did I feel that he was truly afraid. He seemed to wooden when he was suppose to stain his pants. The town folk did a better job presenting fear than he did. The film does maintain a good amount of chemistry with its actors and actresses. It's a decent acted movie that will at least keep you interested.

Like her!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

For a film like this I would expect better effects. The Woman in Black was not scary looking at all. She reminded me more of a sickly woman than anything else. Her dead son seemed more frightening than her. I did like the scenery and fog though. It captured the feeling of a haunted place and human dread. It's just a shame at most of the scares couldn't deliver.

Spooky

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Jane Goldman and directed by James Watkins. Jane put together a story that had all the right ingredients except heart. I was bored for most of the film and the only thing that made me jump was the loud noises, the music, and the birds flying out of no where. The characters are uninteresting and I couldn't care about any of them. She should have gave the children more character development instead of killing them off. It could have added more emotion into the picture and gave us someone to care to about.

My son!

The directing was gritty and intense. Loved the dark scenery and the tension. The director filmed the movie the best way he could. I don't want to say that he is the reason that this movie didn't live up to the hype because he was able to capture a horror film. I think everyone else let him down.

THE END

Don't waste your money. The film is boring and not very scary. You're better off waiting for video. Save your money for something better. I know I will.

OVERALL

STORY 5 out of 10
ACTING 5 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 6 out of 10
WRITING 5 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL 5 out of 10 (Wait for Video)