There is a book entitled “Every Women’s Battle.”  No, I have not read it yet, but I have heard it is pretty good.  Perhaps I should read it. The struggle I am talking about that most, if not EVERY, mother deals with is worry. I have blogged about my worry previously, but I am not sure how honest I really was about MY struggle with it.  I have admitted to worrying, I have admitted to having anxiety at times, however, I don’t think I have been fully honest with how MUCH I worry.  I don’t just worry like a normal mommy worry.  I take it to the nth degree.  I drive Andrew, and friends (I AM SO SORRY!) absolutely INSANE. I have one friend who tells me “whatever it is, you’re being stupid.”  That sounds harsh, but I need to hear it, because it’s true.  I AM being stupid.  I have worried about some of the same things over and over again, asking the same questions, over and over again.   It is ridiculous.  I am a worryholic.  Worry can be just as destructive as any other addiction.  I am addicted to worrying sometimes.  Worry sucks life out of you.  Worry sucks the life out of those around you and robs the joy from your life.  Worry makes you not see positive around you, but instead focus on the negative, or worse, LOOK for a negative that is just NOT there.  I finally decided that enough is enough.  I was too embarassed to ask my doctor about it for fear that I would be labeled “crazy” or just “not trusting God.”   I know some people don’t agree with medication for worry/anxiety/depression, however, after experiencing such EXTREME worry in my life, I  have realized that sometimes, you NEED something to help you.  I was always a worrier, but after Katie was born, it intensified.  Some of that worry will always be there, it’s the normal, “mommy worry”, but I think my hormones got a little whack after birth.  So, after talking with my doctor, we decided to put me on medicine to help.  I was worrying about things that most people would not even THINK of worrying about.  SO, I just felt the need to be a little honest about worry.  Worry is something a lot of people deal with.  Worry is NOT something to be embarassed about asking for help on either.  So, if you are suffering from worry and anxiety and cannot seem to get control of it, don’t be scared to talk with your doctor.  I have been on my meds for a little over a week.  I know they take some time to fully work.  I am beginning to feel a little more calm, and it is freeing!  Also, a lot of the time, people don’t need them forever!  Just for a few months or so to help readjust the chemicals in their brain.  So, just be praying for this struggle for me.  It was more that just a little worry.  It was obsession.  I know that with Christ, I can conquer this, and I truly believe that sometimes the Lord can allow a doctor and their advice/medicine to be an aid IN conquering that.  Don’t let worry suck the joy from your life.  It sucked the joy in my life for way too long.  Now, I have to reteach my brain to CREATE and ENJOY. . .JOY!  Not take it away.  It will be a constant struggle for me, I know, but with the Lord, your prayers and other’s love, I know I can do it!

Hey fellow mommies, friends and family!

As most of you know, our family is in a rough situation right now. My husband has been without a job since February. Things, hopefully, are looking up, but Andrew still has no job. So, in order to help, I have signed up to be a BeautiControl consultant. I am so excited about this opportunity and am so amazed by how awesome their products are. I am also doing this to have something for mommy, other than being mommy I can host spas too! Please be praying for the Lord to bless this endevour, to use it as ways for me to get to know ladies in the community (although, ladies, they have men’s products too!) Please consider helping out by going to my webpage and ordering through my name. I will get some of the money. You will be getting what you pay for, and more, in my opinion. You get better quality products for less than you would spend on stuff at the mall! I am not just saying this, it is true. The quality is why I signed up. I went to a spa and had the products introduced to me. Their was an immediate difference in the look and feel of my skin. Let me know if you have any questions! I will be happy to help. Please pray about possibly helping out our our family by doing something you love anyway, shopping!!! BUT you are shopping for things you would get anyway! Let other friends and family you think would enjoy these products know my website too! Love you guys! Thanks and God Bless you!

Okie dokie, so it works!HOPEFULLY! http://www.beautipage.com/emilykulp/

Ok, so i need to write more. It has been awhile. I do not really have much to write today even, but it has been a week since my last post. So, i will try and write a quick update!

I am not feeling to great today.  I felt crummy yesterday in choir practice, but I thought I was just tired. Well, today my throat really hurts and I am all stuffy and gross feeling. BLEH. Let’s hope Katie doesnt’ get sick. Though, I kind of don’t think about it too much, there is not a lot I can do when we live in the same house and I am her primary care giver! Just pray it isn’t serious.  This reminds me of the verse about how people who are well don’t need a doctor.  Here is the verse:  And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:17.  We are all sick. We are spiritually sick and we have the greatest physician around who wants to make us better, love us, care for us, bring us chicken  noodle soup I don’t know, that is pretty cool to me!

Second, Andrew was out a bit today and has some really encouraging new in both worlds, the world of architecture AND ministry.  So, keep an eye on his blog, he will be writing an update soon!

Katie is energizer bunny lately!  GEEZ! Iit is so funny!!!  She is cracking us up more and more everyday.  She is saying more and more words and already starting to put words together.  She is 13.5 months today!  She already says mama that! or I want that, or give me that. HAHA. I think I need to teach her the word. . .PLEASE. . .guess I will work on that one

I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that made me laugh, but then made me think hmmmmm.  It said:

If you’re following me, then you’re lost too

Anyway, it just got me thinking.  How many times do we attempt to follow trends, celebrities, or even friends and family, and we end up “getting lost” along the way?  A lot of the time, the person we are attempting to follow has no idea what they are doing either!  They too are seeking the answer for life in something NOT worthwhile!  I hate to say this, but even churches do it!  THIS church tries to be like THAT church, then wonders why what worked for THAT church didn’t work for them!  I am also to blame! I know I do it.  Heck, I admit to doing it, yet I know I will still find myself doing it in the future.  I do it by playing the comparison game.  I compare Katie with other kids, I know, bad.  I compare life situations.  I compare circumstances.  I compare hardships and struggles.  The path that is right for some is not always what is right for us.  Even if the other path seems easier, (the one we are tempted to follow someone down) without Christ in it, it won’t be.  The Bible even talks about that.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. Proverbs 14:12

Thankfully, when we DO get off path, we have a loving Father always willing to help get us back on track.  We have a Savior who died for us so we don’t have to live life “lost.”  Thank the Lord!

So, I was looking back on old pictures of Katie tonight.  I was almost in tears at how much my little baby has grown.  I saw a picture of my friend Melanie after just having her baby, Anna, and how we visited her in the hospital.  Our girls are only 2 weeks apart!  Seeing how itty bitty Katie was in that picture made me teary.  I really really really want another little one.  I have a sense we may have another girl, so I am already thinking of names, hehe.  NO, we are not pregnant, yet, lol.  I am not QUITE ready   So anyway, looking at these pictures made me realize how much I love my daughter.  I love her so much it hurts.  I would do anything for her.  I never like seeing her in pain, like from getting shots, sad day , I never enjoy having to discipline her, I HATE IT!  There is a song in choir we are working on called “When I lay my Issac down.”  It is about sacrificing EVERYTHING to God, just as Abraham was about to sacrifice the thing he loved most in the world. . .his son.  I cannot imagine.  I do NOT think I could have done that at all.  I would have told God he was crazy if he asked me to sacrifice my daughter.  I do realize though, that Katie belongs to God.  God entrusted Katie to Andrew and me, and boy I am sure glad he did, we are so blessed.  She is a little bundle of joy.  I felt crappy yesterday, but having a sweetheart like that made me feel so much better.  ANYWAY, I realized how hard it would be for me to do as Abraham did.  For those of you who know the story, God did not allow him to sacrifice (kill) his son.  He stopped him and said do NOT lay a hand on that boy! God provided a ram.  God simply wanted to know that Abraham trusted Him enough.  However, there WAS someone who DID sacrifice his son, and there was NO ram.  God.  God sacrificed his only son for us.  US! WOW! having a child really makes that sink in.  I could NOT sacrifice Katie for billions of people I don’t know.  But God did, because he loves ALL of us, he knows about all of us.  He doesn’t just want to know who we are, He wants to KNOW us.  He wants a relationship with us, he wants to be our “father” too and for us to be His children.  I am so thankful for what Christ did for me.  I know I could not do it.  Thank you Lord for your sacrifice!  I love Katie so much it hurts.  God loves his son so much he allowed him to die for us, because Christ new it was the only way.  Christ knew in order for us to have a realtionship with his father he had to die and he was willing to come to Earth and do that.  That takes hurt to a whole other level.  I love Katie so much it hurts. Christ loves US so much HE was willing TO hurt. . .

As Christians, many people recognize us as what we are AGAINST.  We were talking about this in Sunday School this past week.  It is very humbling actually to think about.  It is very true.  I have close friends who are disconnected from God for this very thing.  They get sick of us claiming we are so righteous and all the “rules” we have, they want NOTHING to do with christianity!  It isn’t even that they don’t believe in God, either!  They just don’t believe in “religion.”  I started thinking about it, and, sadly, it is true.  We get on our soap boxes about abortion, drugs, drinking, homosexuality, divorce, and more.  But, then we have pastors, Christians, and other church members who fail morally by committing adultery.  It does not paint a very pretty picture.  I know that these things are wrong, and we need to take a stand for them, but, we also need to take a stand for what we are FOR.  We need to be MORE so on that end!  We need to be focusing more on what Jesus was about.  He was about love, compassion, forgivness, grace, mercy, peace. . .I could keep going.  We don’t always show the fruits of the spirit very well to those around us.  We are too worried about what they shouldn’t be doing, we don’t care what WE SHOULD be doing. . .Anyway, just something to think about.  So, as Christians, let’s start showing what we are FOR in Christ, not just what we are against, and I think we may just reach a lot more people for the Lord!  God Bless!

So, its been a long while since I wrote a blog! I will write one soon, I promise! =) But in the meantime! Katie got her first new pair of shoes Stupid mommy was putting her in shoes too small! no wonder she didn’t want to wear them and cried when I put them on!  now, she likes them and walks good in them.  of course, she is still wobbly, haha, but that is normal! We visited her great-grandmothers this past weekend and she loved that! she totally hammed it up! So, I will write more later.  Our electricity is about to be turned off half the day, yippee.  At least it is cool weather here, so the air doesn’t need to be on anyway! WOOHOO go Towson!!!

I think I  had mentioned I was reading a book entitled “Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer.  I don’t always agree with what she says, however, I KNOW I struggle with worry. . .BADLY.  I am very guiltly of not EVER thinking about what I think about.  I allow myself to get so worked up at everything.  I get worked up if things don’t seem the same day to day.  Well, other mothers, and dads, know that with kids this RARELY happens!  I still allow myself to think TOO much sometimes about things.  Not thinking ENOUGH about something can get us into trouble, however, so can thinking TOO MUCH!  I fall on the thinking too much catergory.  I let my mind come up with all sorts of junk that it makes my worry and anxiety more.  I start thinking the worst possible scenario’s, a lot.  That is unfair to me, Katie, Andrew, and frankly, everyone around me.  It is not a good witness because it is saying I cannot even trust the God and Savior I love and believe in.  That is not good.  I was really convicted yesterday at church.  The passage was about not showing favortism and teaching us God shows no favorites, so as Christians we need to love EVERYONE.  I realized that while we all struggle with judging at times, the way I am not living this passage is I tend to think God loves everyone else MORE than me.   That is why I think bad thoughts, dwell on negative, because in my mind I think God likes other more than me, so why would He desire to give me good things?  It is awful and I really need to change my thinking.  I need to start THINKING about what I think about.  A paragraph of a chapter in this book sums it up for me, and pretty much IS  me. 

” For most of my life, I didn’t think about what I was thinking about.  I simply thought whatever fell into my head.  I had no revelation that Satan could inject thoughts into my mind.  Much of what was in my head was either lies Satan was telling me or just plain nonsense – things that really were NOT spending my time thinking about.  The devil was controlling my life because he was controlling my thoughts.”

WOW ok, that hit me.  I know I wont be perfect overnight.  I am sure I will still annoy and irritate my darling husband to NO end some days with my obsessive worries, but I have GOT to stop letting negative thoughts consume me.  When I do, I am missing out on all the positive things in life.  Honestly, this is true no matter WHAT you believe, not matter WHAT faith you are.  If we always think negative thoughts, our lives will be negative.  You are what you think to a large degree.  I don’t want to be negative.  I want to be positive.  I am so SICK of worrying about dumb things.  I say I cannot control it, but with Christ I can.  I need to.  I must.  As my good friend tells me, “in the words of Yoda, there is NO TRY, only DO!’  Well, I NEED to do this.  No more trying, Emily.  In the words of Nike: JUST DO IT!

Yesterday was our daughter’s 1st birthday!  I cannot believe she is already a year old, it doesn’t seem possible.  I am glad, however, we celebrated with our family earlier this month because yesterday was not a happy day.  Poor dear is getting, we think, three teeth very close together, plus one that is broken through.  She was not comfortable all day and we ran out of baby motrin the night before.  So, she didnt’ get meds before bed, which made her wake up a lot throughout the night.  Yay for her, she put herself back to sleep, but I still felt bad for her   Life is kind of like teething.  Teeth are necessary! We use them to help give our bodies sustanance. We would look pretty silly without teeth too   However, the process of GETTING that which is necessary isn’t always comfortable.  Sometimes, we need to experience struggles, stresses, or sacrifices in our lives to shape us into a better person, to make us more compassionate, to teach us to listen to advice, just to teach us in general!  We would not be very mature people if we never underwent struggles in our lives.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t particulary like the struggle we are in right now, but it is teaching us a heck of a lot!  It is painful right now and the process kind of stinks, but I know once we are at the other end and the “tooth has broken through”, we will be able to use this experience to help, teach and love on others.  That makes it worth it!

No, we did not buy a fat hog.  In fact, we didn’t get anything associated with a pig.  BUT, we did get some fruit and an eggplant.  EGGPLANT!  LOL.  I have never bought one, much less cooked with one, in my life!  This should be interesting. I have just enjoyed trying new things lately, and since Katie seems to eat pretty much anything, I figured she may enjoy trying it too.  I cannot believe she is almost a year old already.   Time should just not be allowed to go that fast.  Why is is that all the good things in life go by WAY to fast (like vacation for example! LOL) but all the seemingly negative things go by SOOOOO slowly?  It seems like FOREVER since Andrew has been without a job, and even longer since he has been trying to find one in our area.  Sometimes, I wonder if the things in life that seem to go by slowly, that we think are negative, are not maybe going by slowly so that we can learn to see the positive side of things.  Maybe God is trying to teach us something in those moments.  Since we, as screw up humans, seem to take FOREVER to learn anything, maybe it’s a good thing it goes by slow.  Andrew and I have been really trying to look at the bright side of things and see what God may be trying to teach us in this time.  Maybe God wants our lives to go in a differant direction?  Maybe there is someone we are supposed to meet (at the market perhaps), and to help, that if things were differant, we wouldn’t meet them.  Maybe God has something bigger in store than we can imagine.  Yesterday, was not a good day for me.  I did not, in ANY way, look at the bright side of things.  I bawled my eyes out to be frank.  I told God it isn’t fair.  I asked Him what in heavens name was HE doing!? Wait, are you even allowed to say “in heavens name” to the person who actually LIVES there, or does that not make any sense? hmmm.  ok so anyways, I had a great friend yesterday who called me at JUST the right time and who told me JUST the right words.  I am so thankful for friends like that.  God DOES know what He is doing, He always does.  Even if it seems He doesn’t to us sometimes, He does.  Now, why can’t I remember that!? ARRRRR that my friends, is another post, another day.  Actually, that would  probably be such a long post I would die before I could finish it!