Empirically Erin

Are you having another?

2016-07-07T22:13:00.000-04:00

My little girl is turning three this year. How is this possible? How have three years passed so quickly? I love this little girl more than I knew I could love anyone or anything. As we come up to three years of parenting, we are of course getting the never ending question. "Are you having another?"

Today in Microfashion...

The short answer is: we have no idea.

The long answer is: we have thought about it and gone back and forth about whether we should or not and haven't been able to decide. If I'm being truly honest, I would say I would love to have another child for Alexia's sake. My relationship with my sister is something that I hope Alexia will someday get to experience. There is nothing like having someone who can fully appreciate the idiosyncrasies of your parents, the memories of your childhood, and the jokes that you created back when you were a kid. My heart breaks to think that Alexia may never have that.

Directing traffic at the local baseball game

On the other hand, we have gotten into a groove with Alexia. The first 2 years of her life were really hard for us. She was the perfect little baby with a great attitude and she was very adaptable, but LoLo and I had a hard time defining our roles as parents and finding ourselves on the same page as to what it meant to each of us to be a parent. We fought over who slept more, who washed more dishes, who cooked more food, who changed more diapers, and basically everything. LoLo worked every other weekend which left me alone with her a lot and I started to feel overwhelmed. I felt like I had lost my sense of who I was as a person outside of being Alexia's mom. I traveled a lot and it was difficult for LoLo who suddenly had to take care of a tiny human alone while I seemingly was living it up in other countries (for the record, I really wasn't... my work is not easy when I am abroad and it was especially not easy when I was pumping and traveling everywhere!). We found ourselves thinking of Alexia's needs first, our own needs second, and the other's needs barely at all. I wasn't taking care of LoLo and he wasn't taking care of me.

Me and LoLo on a much needed trip to Miami

LoLo has since gotten a new job that is more fulfilling to him and is much more manageable for our family. He has weekends and holidays off and I no longer feel that burden of being solely responsible for Alexia on the two days off I have after working a long week. We've worked really hard together to start thinking of how to take care of each other so that we could better take care of Alexia. LoLo has recognized my need for sleep and alone time and I have recognized his need to have his video game time. He's gotten so good at anticipating when I might need a little something extra. Just a few weeks ago, LoLo knew I was going to be leading a really intense training for two straight days. The night of the first day of training, I came home to dinner ready and him handing me a drink as soon as I walked in the door. Two years ago, that never would have happened.

With my crazy work schedule and all of the travel I do, it just seems more realistic to have only one. Imagining LoLo having to handle two small children while I am far away, seems like such a challenge. Tonight though, I read an article about how you end up settling into your new routine with two children the same way you settled into a routine with one child. I have no doubt that we could do it, but do we want to? Should we? Who knows. We change our minds every day and maybe at some point we will finally make up our minds. In the meantime though, we are enjoying our time with Alexia and focusing on being the best parents we can to her.

My dearest baby on her 2nd birthday

2015-08-18T07:00:00.000-04:00

Today my baby turned 2. I've been struggling with this one. When she turned one, it didn't seem like such a big deal to me, but this one seems so much bigger. She's really not a baby anymore. When she turned one, she still seemed like a baby. She walked, but still stumbled and she was starting to talk, but didn't have a whole lot of words. Approaching this birthday, it's been very clear that she's not a baby anymore. She's talking in full sentences, "running the bases" everywhere she goes, and has a huge personality. Her prized possession is her "real ball" she got from the Sea Dogs minor league baseball game yesterday.

The first year didn't seem to go as fast as this last year and I'm scared that life is just going to keep flying by and each year is going to go faster than the one before. I don't want to miss a moment with this little girl.

Last year, I wrote her a letter here and I'd like to continue that tradition so here goes.

My dearest Lulu on your 2nd birthday,

You are my sunshine. No, really you are. Tonight when I was putting you to bed, I couldn't help but think about how quickly these 2 years have gone and how much you've grown. I started crying a little bit thinking about it and you told me, "No cry, mama. No cry." So I tried to suck it up a little. We started to sing our song like we do every night and you sang with me. "You are my sunshine..." At the end of the song, I said "Happy Birthday, Lulu" and you said, "thank you, Mama! No cry ok?"

Every morning when I come to get you out of your crib, I'm reminded of how much I love you and how much your little face makes me smile. You are such a happy little girl. And you are so smart. In the past month, you've realized that my name is Erin and have been trying to call me that. Because you heard your great-grandparents sing happy birthday to me, you think that the song goes "Happy birthday to Erin" and you sing it that way all the time. You even told your daycare that you wanted a cake that said "happy birthday Erin" on it.

You got a Minnie Mouse cake... and no it doesn't say Happy Birthday, Erin!

You absolutely love baseball. Despite the fact that I love baseball and that your grandparents all love baseball (including Papi's mom), I didn't think someone who is barely 2 would be able to express love for something like this. When we get in the car, you ask me to turn on the game on the radio. When you go to the games (and you do quite often), you stand and watch the game and cheer and look for Slugger and yell to the players. You particularly love yelling at Oscar Tejeda... "Ocar, Ocar!" When you were first learning to put sentences together, you told Doh a whole story about a "baseball man" swinging a bat and someone yelling "I got it!" and catching the ball. You blew us away with this story because it was so vivid and real for you.

You got so excited when you saw this cut out of Wally in the store!

My tiny Sea Dogs fan after a game

You love Big Papi and love watching the commercials he does for Dunkin Donuts. You also love watching videos of Big Papi hitting homeruns. Lucky for you, he's having a great season and hitting homeruns left and right. You also love Mookie Betts and you love yelling his name.

You love the beach and are such a little beach baby. You love playing in the water and looking for shells and playing in the sand. You get so excited when we say we're going to the beach.

Throughout this year, your hair has grown out so much and you look like a totally different little girl. Last year on your birthday, your hair was straight. We were starting to see a little curl, but it wasn't all over. This year, you have these beautiful little ringlets that are absolutely gorgeous. I am so jealous of your beautiful hair and hope that it stays like that forever.

Curls and a sassy face!

Gorgeous little curls

You have brought so much joy to those around you. Your grandparents, my parents, absolutely adore you. They ask to have sleepovers with you because you are such a good little kid.

You are so happy and so adaptable and just go with the flow. It is an absolute privilege to be your mother and to watch you grow. You are the love I never knew existed, you are the gift I never knew I wanted.

I will always love you, my baby. Mucho, mucho.

Your mama

Mom, Alone

2015-04-26T21:36:00.001-04:00

When I found out I was pregnant, I swore to myself that I wouldn't change. I swore that I would be the same ole Erin, just with a baby. I know, I know, you've probably heard that story before. You've heard every first time mother who says that she's going to be the only mother in the world who is the same person after she has the baby as she was before.

Last week, LoLo took Alexia to New York for five days so I spent five long days and four long nights alone in our house (well, except for my little buddy, Bronx). In the days leading up to their trip, I was nervous. Not so much about them, but about myself.

See, after 20 months of being a mother, I couldn't remember who I was for the 31 years that I wasn't one. I truly couldn't remember who I was before early wake-ups and feeding someone else and schedules and adorable little girl clothes and Curious George (or Gigi as Alexia calls him).

The first day, Saturday, my mom and I went to Boston to a Red Sox game. Not only was it a great way to keep my mind off missing LoLo and Alexia, it was a great way to be reminded of something I've always loved.

The next day, I slept late, took myself to lunch and went to the supermarket and got some of my favorite foods including fancy cheese that I would never buy otherwise. I spent time with my parents and grandparents and actually ate a meal at family dinner without interruptions or breaking my food into tiny pieces for someone else to nibble on.

By Tuesday night, although I was completely ready to see my little family, I was starting to remember who I was. I remembered that I don't cook and had cheese and crackers for dinner (and it was glorious!). I remembered that I love getting under a comfy blanket and yelling at the TV during Jeopardy (something I hadn't done since I was pregnant). I even remembered that I love eating ice cream.

I don't know anyone who hasn't been changed by motherhood. And I'll be the first to admit that I was totally naive to think I would just be "Erin with a baby." But although being Alexia's mom is my most important and most prominent role right now, it was nice to be reminded that I was a person before I had her and that person hasn't been lost. Sometimes that seems to get buried under the millions of kisses and pictures of my little girl and meals and baths and hugs and bedtimes and wake-ups and tears and dirty diapers. But those five days reminded me that it's important to let that side of me out every once in a while...because that person I was before I was Alexia's mom wasn't so bad.

Aaaaaaand an Alexia pic for good measure.

My Dirty Laundry

2014-10-13T07:00:00.000-04:00

I never thought I'd be writing a post about my literal dirty laundry, but here goes.

As much as I appear to have my life together at work and in other aspects of my life, I struggle with staying organized and having a clean home. There are times when I dread having people over because I know that even having them stop by means hours of cleaning that has to be done first so that I can feel comfortable showing them our home.

For the past year or so, I've had a pile of clothes mounting in the corner of our bedroom. Within the pile were bags of clean clothes, a large plastic container filled with shoes, mostly clean clothes, and a laundry basket full of clean clothes from (get ready to be shocked) two weeks after Alexia was born. Yes, I said a laundry basket full of clean clothes from approximately 13 months ago.

This mess has been a weight on me. Instead of our bedroom being a calming place to rest, it was a constant reminder of just how inadequate I am. It became the monkey on my back and left me feeling like there was no point in tackling it because it was just too big. I remember two times when I was looking for something in the pile, throwing things left and right, and I felt like the pile was closing in on me and I started feeling really anxious.

Once, my sister was taking pictures of me and Alexia in my bedroom. She ended up blurring the background so that the mess wasn't as noticeable. We laughed about it, but I felt awful, not to mention embarrassed.

The pile and Alexia in their infancy

I attacked the pile last weekend. I went through it fiercely. For eight hours, I sorted everything into small piles to hang, throw in the laundry, or donate. I came out with 4 (!!) bags of clothes to donate to Goodwill, 2 bags of garbage, and a really clean room.

But those aren't the only things I came out with. I came out with pride and a sense of accomplishment. I came out with a huge feeling of relief. A half hour after I was done, I had a couple of tears rolling down my face because the weight had finally been lifted.

The pile wasn't just a pile of clothes for me. It was something that took on a life of its own. It was overwhelming, it was painful, and it was persistent. Every time I looked at it, I heard it mocking me, telling me that I couldn't even manage to keep my room clean. I must be a horrible wife. I must be a horrible mom.

As moms, and as humans in general, we all have things like this in our lives. A pile of clothes, a degree that remains unfinished, a project that lies half done, a choice we have to make. We can't let these things define us, but they are worth taking on if it means that there will be a sense of relief.

In my first year as a mom, I've struggled to find a good balance between spending time with Alexia, spending time with my family, taking care of LoLo, taking care of Bronx, taking care of the house, and somehow taking care of myself too. Over this year though, I've learned a lot about celebrating small victories. A clean bedroom, the moment Alexia puts her toys in the bucket when asked to clean up, LoLo thanking me for being a good wife. Those little victories are what life is all about.

Why Caliente just isn't enough

2014-09-01T14:07:00.000-04:00

This week on the Today Show, they have a special segment called "VivaToday" where they feature Latino culture, food, and music. The segment is in partnership with Telemundo (who is also owned by NBC).

This morning when they were introducing the segment and one of Telemundo's most famous anchors, Maria Celeste, one of the Today Show anchors Natalie Morales introduced Maria Celeste as another "caliente Puertoriquena" since she herself is also Puerto Rican (and Brazilian). Throughout the introduction, she managed to called Maria Celeste "caliente" several times, yet made no mention of her work as a journalist, host, and actress. All this after the Emmy's put Sofia Vergara on a pedestal and spun her around while the crowd applauded her body (also on NBC).

The show then proceeded to show a story about how Latinos will soon make up the largest ethnic group in the US while faces of dark haired and dark eyed people ran across the screen. There were no dark skinned Latinos shown and there were absolutely no light-featured Latinos shown.

The whole thing felt like propaganda to me. It felt like "Look at us, we are going to acknowledge Hispanics...but in the safest way possible." By turning Maria Celeste into just a "caliente Latina" and showing faces on the screen of only the people who you'd "assume" were Latino, people aren't forced to think beyond the stereotypes they already have.

And for those of us watching thinking "where am I on that screen?", what message is that sending us? What message does that send my light skinned, green-eyed daughter who looked nothing like the people shown on the screen? What does it tell her about her dark skinned father?

And for those of us who don't look like Sofia Vergara or Maria Celeste, what message does this send us? That we aren't important because as Latinas, all we can hope to achieve is "hotness"? And if you are good looking, all that is important, despite a long career as a journalist/host, is that you are caliente?

As a Latina mother, I want my daughter to know her accomplishments are important. I want her to be able to celebrate both her heritage and her accomplishments rather than having to choose one or the other. I want her to be able to identify with the people in the media and feel like she has role models who came from where she's come from. In the "changing face of America", to use the Today Show's words, I want her to see herself.

The first year

2014-08-25T22:22:00.000-04:00

August 17th marked one year of Alexia. 365 days of firsts, tears (both hers and mine), laughs, smiles, pictures, outfits, diapers, milk, and other joys. For her birthday, I bought her a picture book called "Forever" and wrote her a note inside of it. I will write her a letter here as well to mark her first year.

All pics by my sister

My dearest Alexia,

There are so many memories from this first year. The first time I saw you and thought "That beautiful baby can't be mine!" The first couple of weeks when I dreaded feeding you because it hurt too much. Using a small syringe to get some milk into your tiny body. Falling asleep by mistake with you laying on my chest. Using a football hold to feed you because that was the only hold they taught me in the hospital. Flying on the plane with you when you were only 12 weeks old. You sleeping 20 hours a day and eating at least 12 times a day. The little bassinet that you used to sleep in next to our bed so that I could just lay you down after you ate at night. Missing you when you finally moved into your crib in your own room. The fact that you used to nap in your snowsuit.

It feels like within just the last month you've grown so much and I just wasn't prepared. A week and a half before your birthday, you started really walking. You had taken a couple of steps before that, but on Wednesday, August 6th, you started consistently walking. You still stumble here and there and when you get tired, it's like you're drunk. You fall and crash into things and wobble like a drunk person.

You love to pretend you're on the phone. You take my phone or Grampa's phone or the baby monitor and put it on your shoulder and say "hiiiiiii". You love to wave to anyone and everyone. In the morning, you love to wave to Bronx in his cage.

I love the moment when you first see me in the morning when I go into your room to get you. Your face lights up and you get so happy. How can I be in a bad mood when your smiling face greets me?
You are smiley and happy and love to laugh. Even when you don't feel good you are laughing and smiling and playing. You love to sing and dance. When we play mambo music, you dance almost immediately. It's clear you've got a lot of Latin blood running through your veins.

Right now you have your two bottom teeth and your two top teeth are coming in. It's been a rough time getting those two top teeth and we had a very hard weekend when we went to Vermont for the family reunion. You stayed up almost all night and then you cried almost the whole way home, to the point where I started to get really scared because you were hyperventilating.We did, however, get some amazing family photos at Aunt Theresa's beautiful lake house.

You bring so much joy to everyone who knows you. People are constantly stopping me and telling me what a beautiful baby you are and how well behaved you are. During your baptism, when the priest said your name, you waved to him and had the whole church laughing. Then, when we got up on the altar for the actual ceremony, you were pointing and waving at everyone. You have such a sweet personality and such a magnetic smile.

I can't wait to see the little person you become. It's already pretty clear that you are full of personality and that you're pretty stubborn. You are so smart and you love books. Your dad and I are constantly surprised by how much you know and how quickly you learn.

We love you, baby girl. You are our light when everything else is dark. You are the smile in the crowd. You are my favorite person. You have my favorite face. One year later, I still can't believe you're ours.

Love you forever my girl,

Your mama

All the things I don't want to forget

2014-07-09T07:00:00.000-04:00

About 3 months ago, I had to make a trip to San Diego for work. On the flight home, I felt the urge to write a blog post about all of the things I didn't want to forget about life with Alexia at 7.5 months. Well, I wrote the post, but I never transferred it to blogger.

So, here it is. All of the things I don't want to forget about 7.5 month old Alexia. Now that she's 10.5 months.

There are so many things I don’t want to forget about these first 7.5 months of Alexia’s life. The way her sleepy little head rests on my shoulder with her chubby little cheek against mine when she wakes up in the middle of the night to eat. The way her little hands grab at my shirt when I’m feeding her as if she wants it pulled down for some privacy. The way she looks at me when she first wakes up with that huge smile. The way she blows raspberries in the morning when she wakes up in her crib and I hear it over the monitor. The way she completely cracks up when we throw a ball to the dogs and they jump up to catch it. The way she gets so excited for her oatmeal. The way she sips water from a cup that LoLo holds to her lips.

Alexia, 7 months

It’s funny because seven and a half months seems like such a short amount of time, but there are already things from her first few weeks and months that I totally forget. I forget what it was like to hold that tiny little body on my shoulder while I burped her because now her feet touch my legs when I hold her like that. I forget what it was like to put her down and have her not move from where she is. I forget what it was like to be in a complete haze of sleeplessness and new love. I forget what it was like to have a baby who slept 20 hours a day and who had to nap every 1.5 hours or else she’d get overtired.

Alexia, 8 months at the Children's Museum in Chicago

But what I am loving right now is watching her become this little person with a bright, sunny personality. I know I always say this, but she is such a good baby. She really is just so sweet. Sometimes I wonder how LoLo and I got this lucky. We are both moody people who can have really crappy attitudes, yet here we are with the sweetest little girl who adapts to every situation and smiles and laughs and just generally brings joy to everyone she encounters. To me, it feels like she was meant for us. She makes me a better person because I can’t help but be happy around her.

Worry

2014-06-11T18:00:00.000-04:00

Being a mom is hard.... And not just in the I never sleep, someone relies on me to live kind of way. In the I am now bound to a life of worry and second guessing kind of way. There are tiny moments where I forget I'm a mom. And when I say tiny, I mean tiny. Most times when I "forget", there's a tiny baby sock on the floor or on the couch or on the ottoman (seriously...I find baby socks everywhere!!) to remind me.

The other night as I came up to bed, I saw the clothes Alexia had worn that day on our bed and I immediately thought about how much I love her. And how I can't believe we are keeping her forever. Almost ten months in and I still can't believe she's ours to keep.

Another amazing pic my sister took

I would be lying if I said I don't think about life before the baby. Not because she is a bad baby or because I don't love her, because neither of those things are true, but because the things I worried about before Alexia seem so trivial now. I have developed a minor anxious feeling (I definitely wouldn't call it anxiety right now) because I worry about my little girl. Apparently this is what parenthood really is. Worrying about this tiny person who keeps growing and facing new challenges and presenting me with new challenges. I worry if I'm feeding her the right things, if I'm stimulating her mind enough, if I'm reading enough books to her, if she should be walking, if she should be writing novels by now and earning her PhD.

I would categorize myself as a pretty laid back mom. I like to expose Alexia to lots of new situations and people so that she is comfortable. She has already been to at least five baseball games in her short lifetime. She's already flown four times. She's been to a zoo and a children's museum and parties and dinners and on walks around town. I'm not overly worried about dirt and germs.

via

But still, I find myself worrying about the night that she'll get the flu and be up all night. I worry that my heart will break, wishing it could be me that was sick instead of her. I worry that some boy (or girl) will break her heart someday and I won't be able to help. I worry that she won't feel beautiful or smart or loved.

One more time

These are the things I worry about. The things that for me, make being a mom tough. The things that won't get any easier with time and that I will always worry about. Sometimes I think back to those days before I had her and think of the silly things I worried about. They weren't silly then, but this new little life has made me realize what's actually worth worrying about.

The last day

2014-06-10T21:25:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to write and I've got posts already drafted, but tonight something happened that I felt I just had to blog about. And Dad, this one might be TMI. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Tonight I cried because tomorrow will be the last time I pump at work. (well, until we have our next kid... so the last time for a reallllly long time.) Like, legitimate tears came out of my eyes and down my face. About pumping. About something I've complained about for the past 8 months. About something I've dreaded doing every three hours during work and sometimes at home. About something I stressed over for months (do I have enough milk for when I go away? can I go away and find time to pump during the conference? will there be a private bathroom in the airport? when I find that private bathroom will people leave me alone long enough to actually pump?). The struggle is real, y'all.

At first, I ran to the sun room to tell Danny that tomorrow would be the last time I pump! Then it turned into tomorrow will be the....last...time...I...p....(sniffle)ump....

When I first started crying I was kind of laughing, saying, "can you believe I'm crying about pumping?" But then after about 30 seconds, I realized it was real.

I wasn't crying because I wouldn't get to be hooked up to a machine (one that failed me 3 times nonetheless) three times a day. It's not about the machine. It's about the fact that three times a day, I got to stop and really think about my little girl even though she wasn't there with me. Three times a day I got to do something just for her, something I knew would help her grow. Three times a day I got to think about just how incredible my body was for being able to nourish her little body.

On top of that, I got to create a really special bond with some other mothers who just seemed to get it. They understood what it meant to be in that tiny room without windows three times a day, sometimes for 40 minutes at a time, no matter what else was going on at work. They knew what it felt like to be late for meetings or to miss parts of meetings or to drop everything and run downstairs because even when you're at work, your baby is your number one priority. They understood how significant being down even one ounce a day was. They understood how hard it was for me to stock up enough milk to feed my baby for an entire week while I was at a conference. They understood what it meant to miss your baby on those Monday mornings when you just had an amazing weekend of cuddling and complete bliss.

I'm sad that I won't have that daily check in with my mom friends. Having that support has meant so much to me as a new mom. I know the support won't go away, but it obviously won't be the same.

Today as I was getting ready to leave the lactation room, there was a new mom who I had never seen in there before. She asked me a few questions and I happily answered, but I also gave her something that some of the other moms there had given me months ago: it gets easier. Leaving your baby at daycare gets easier, pumping gets easier, finding a balance gets easier, figuring out who you are as a mom gets easier. It all gets easier.

So while I didn't really enjoy the actual act of pumping, I'm glad for what it has given me. New friends, a special bond with my daughter, and a sense of accomplishment for making it almost 8 complete months at work (and traveling) while breastfeeding.

The little red overalls

2014-02-16T16:12:00.000-05:00

Almost exactly a year ago, I posted a picture of some little red overalls on my Facebook page and told the story of those little red overalls here on my blog.

Today, my little girl wore those overalls. It was so hard to believe that a year ago, I couldn't even imagine who would be wearing those overalls and today, I can't imagine life without her.

Sitting in her mama's old high chair

"Come on Mama, quit playing and give me my pears!"

Becoming Human

2014-02-13T22:10:00.000-05:00

This morning as I watched my baby girl play with her little ladybug toy, I couldn't help but notice how much she has changed since she was born. On Monday, she will be 6 months old. The time has just flown, but when I think back to August, it seems like it was such a long time ago. It seems like that was a different baby I held back then while I struggled to feed her and functioned off of several 3 hour chunks of sleep a day.

She wasn't really Alexia yet. And she probably isn't really Alexia now.

But watching her this morning, I realized that every day, I am watching her become human. Her little personality is forming. Her excitement is obvious now. We can tell when she likes something (oatmeal is very high on that list) and we can tell when she really doesn't (carrots are very high on that one).

So serious...

She's this tiny little person discovering the world and I get to watch. I get to experience the pride she feels when she realizes that her little feet hitting those keys on her piano are what is causing the sound. I get to watch while she stares at herself in her tiny little mirror and smiles at the cute baby she sees.

And someday, I'll be the one she calls Mama and the one she says I love you to and of course the one she fights with and the one she's embarrassed by.

As Alexia gets bigger and stronger and becomes her own little person, I am watching in awe. She's reaching for what she wants. She's starting to really be able to roll around and move. Tonight for the first time, LoLo and I saw Alexia get upset when we took something away from her.

Last week I was talking to my friends at work about how time is such a crazy concept. As an adult, a week seems like such an insignificant amount of time but for a baby, it can mean the difference between having to be propped up and being able to sit up by yourself.

I'm learning to slow down a little bit and take life one week at a time. As Alexia grows more and more, I just want to take my time to experience all of the little changes that are happening before those changes pass me by.

I thought pregnancy was an amazing thing because of the little life growing inside me, but honestly, I'm more in awe of the little life growing outside of me.

Mom, married

2014-01-12T16:27:00.000-05:00

A few weeks (months?) ago, I wrote about being a mom and working. I don't like to say a working mom because honestly, what mom isn't working? Moms who stay at home definitely work... just maybe not in the traditional sense one might think of.

This week, I've thought a lot about being a mom and being married. I had heard that marriage can get really difficult after you have a child (but let's be real, marriage is hard even without kids). I didn't doubt that LoLo and I would have our arguments and fights.

The first two weeks after Alexia was born, we rode the wave of sleeplessness and the high of having our beautiful little girl in our arms. We barely fought at all. He took care of every little thing I needed. He let me sleep in the mornings while he took the baby downstairs. He loved our little girl so much that I couldn't help but feel extreme love for him too.

But that wave slowly calmed and we came down from our high and our marriage took a back seat. Everything we did was for Alexia. I struggled through breastfeeding, going back to work, and trying to find enough time (and sleep) in the day to take care of Alexia, LoLo, and even Bronx. LoLo struggled through finding his role as a father, figuring out our little girl each week when he had one day alone with her while I worked.

obligatory cute baby pic. taken by my sister of course.

On our trip to New York to visit LoLo's family a few weeks ago, there was one day where I needed to run a few errands around the neighborhood in Queens. LoLo's mom offered to watch Alexia so that he could come with me. As we walked around the neighborhood, doing basic things that we had done a million times before, LoLo said to me, "I feel how I felt when we were first dating. I miss this."

This was me and LoLo as husband and wife rather than as Alexia's mom and dad. This was us, the basis of our relationship, laughing and joking through such menial tasks as going to the supermarket and stopping at the pharmacy.

She's lost some hair, but she's still adorable!

Being a mother is difficult. So is being a father. There are times that I feel resentful that LoLo doesn't have to wake up in the middle of the night when the baby is hungry. And I know LoLo doesn't always love having to take out the trash or cook dinner. But this past week, after an argument over something really stupid, we looked at each other and said that we need to be the best married couple we can be. We have to set the best possible example for our daughter. Because being the best married couple we can be allows us to be the best parents we can be.

The Grinch's Heart is Officially Melting

2013-12-23T17:32:00.000-05:00

If you don't remember, I've grown to kind of dislike Christmas. Nothing tragic happened to me as a child, but as I've gotten older, Christmas has been equated with stress and having no money and trying to find the perfect thing for people who have everything and high pitched music that seems to be worse than Chinese water torture.

Last year at this time, I was preparing for another Christmas that would stress me out and probably still hadn't finished all of my shopping yet because I always wait until the last minute. I had even written a whole post about being a Grinch. I had no idea that on December 30, 2012, my life would completely change.

That's a lie. I had a small idea.

See, last year at Christmas, I slept all week. I slept all night, I slept most of the day. I snored (which I never do!). I had crazy heartburn. I kept taking really deep breaths but feeling like I couldn't catch my breath. I knew something was different.

And something was very different indeed. I was pregnant!

So this year, a whole miraculous year later, while I watch my beautiful four month old baby girl sleep with this angelic little look on her face, Christmas has a whole new meaning. It reminds me of the happiness as well as the trepidation I felt last year around this time. It reminds me of how thankful I am to be a mother this year and how lucky I am to have this little girl. Not everyone gets a Christmas present like the one I got last year.

How could you be a Grinch with this little elf??

LoLo loves Christmas and this year as he put up his tree, he kept saying, "This is for my little girl." He played Christmas music in the living room with only the light of the tree lighting the room. And it got to me. It started melting my little Grinchy heart. I may or may not have cried a little bit while rocking my little girl to sleep one night as the Christmas music played. I know I sound like a broken record, but this baby is so special to me and I know that this time of year will always be different now. This will always be the time of year that I learned my whole life would change forever.

Mom, working

2013-12-02T07:00:00.000-05:00

As you can imagine, life lately has been consumed by my little girl. I finally feel like I am starting to get to know her and to know what she needs. This little baby is so good. And I'm not just saying that because I'm her mother. When we're around people who have just met her, they always ask us if she's always this well behaved. My answer: yes, for the most part. She is has her moments, but overall, she is such a good baby.

She sleeps through the night. She rarely cries (only if she's hungry or tired). She smiles nearly all day. I can't tell you how happy I am. Alexia is the sweetest little girl.

Now can I be real for a few minutes?

About 5 weeks ago, I went back to work. The first day was tough. I dropped Alexia off at her new daycare (which we love by the way) and got back in my car. I let myself cry for 5 minutes on the way to work and then forced myself to stop. I knew that if I let myself cry any longer than that, I would be crying all day.

But once I got back to my desk, sitting in front of my computer, catching up on everything, chatting with my co-workers, a piece of me that had been lost for 9 weeks returned. I felt more comfortable than I had in a while. I knew what I was doing. I was good at what I was doing. I felt confident.

I felt like myself again. I've always known how much I love my work. I love what I get to do every day. I really missed work while I was on maternity leave.

I know some moms would feel guilty for feeling the way I feel. We've all been told at some point or another that we are letting someone else raise our child while we work. And while that is partially true, my daughter knows who I am. She smiles when she sees me. When I get home from work every night, I spend that precious time with her cuddling and laughing and playing. On weekends we spend time staring at each other and I give her way too many kisses (that's totally not possible) and tell her how much I love her.

Alexia needs a happy mama. I would not be a happy mama without my work. Staying at home is not something I'm good at. I was an awful housewife during funemployment. During my maternity leave, I realized I need some balance. I need to feel productive and I need to work my brain in ways that just aren't possible when I'm at home with a baby. Of course I realize how difficult it is to be a stay at home mom and how there is a different type of productivity that comes with that role, but I just couldn't do it. And I don't feel guilty about that.

Chasing Sleep

2013-10-22T07:00:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone! We're still here! My girl is 9 weeks old (a little over 2 months for those normal people who don't think in weeks).

So much has happened in the past month and every day I think to myself, "Ohhh I need to blog about this!" And I want to blog, but it just never felt like I had time. I'm now relegated to blogging while pumping. Please don't try to imagine that. It's as bad as it sounds.

Alexia is doing great. She's such a sweet little baby. She has her bad days of course, but overall, she has been so good. I really am so happy and know that she is so special. I won't lie and say it's all been easy. There have been times when I've questioned whether I could handle having a baby.

2 month picture taken by Auntie Em

One night last week, Alexia woke up only 3 hours after she had gone to bed. Before that, she had been having some long stretches of 5, 6, or sometimes even 7 hours of sleep. On this particular night, when she woke up after only 3 hours, I couldn't help but cry. I was exhausted. I thought we were making progress. In that moment, it felt like all of that progress was lost.

I cried because a part of me misses my old life where I slept and got to feel selfish and got to decide how my day would go and got to shower before 3pm. Then I cried because I felt guilty for feeling that way. How could I miss my old life when my new life has Alexia in it? How could I miss sleep knowing that my life is so much better now that she is here?

I had to give myself a break. Any sane person would have a tough time with this sleep schedule... actually this schedule in general. There is no schedule. You do what Alexia wants, when she wants it. The past 9 weeks are a blur of feedings, little sleep, sleep at weird hours, trying to figure this little person out, tears, unbelievable happiness, and so much love.

Another amazing picture taken by my sister

And that night when she looked at me, I remembered why this was all worth it. There will never be love that feels like the love I feel with her. That tiny face looks for me and stares at me and knows me. Someday when she's older, I will miss that feeling and I will forget the sleepless nights and the long days. But right now, while I'm in the thick of it, "chasing sleep" as I heard one mother say, it can be hard to see the big picture. It can be hard to give myself that break.

But through it all, there is so much love. So many cuddles. So many little kisses on those perfect little cheeks. And knowing that this little baby is ours brings me so much happiness.

Birth Story part 2... The Name

2013-10-01T07:00:00.000-04:00

So at the end of part 1, LoLo and I were whispering about what to name our brand new baby girl. I don't remember if I wrote about it here, but LoLo had come up with the names for our future children years ago. See, LoLo is pretty superstitious and had a dream maybe 4 or 5 years ago (before we were even married) where our children came to him and told him their names. There was a little boy and a little girl and when LoLo asked them where their parents were, they told him he was their father. So then he asked them their names and they told him.

The little girl told him her first and middle names. LoLo said for years that we had to use this name because he didn't want to mess with whatever spirit brought him the name.

You may recall our baby is Alexia Lidia. This name didn't come without a fight. See, the little girl from the dream said her name was Alexia, but her middle name wasn't Lidia (and LoLo forbids me from publishing what she said her middle name was!).

Thank you to my sister for this birth announcement!

For me, it's always been really important to use family names and to pass on the tradition of names. On my mom's side of the family, there are a few names that are repeated quite often: Lydia/Lidia, Marta/Martha (still pronounced "Marta"), Anne, and Carmen are a few.

My mother's name is Lydia, my middle name is Lydia, my great-grandmother's name was Lidia, my cousin's name is Lydia, and my other cousin... and I wanted my baby girl to be a part of that tradition.

When the doctor showed us that we had a baby girl, LoLo and I looked at each other, knowing it was going to be a battle to decide the name. I used all of my best arguments... "Please! I just pushed a baby out! You saw what I had to go through! Please let me have a say in the middle name at least."

LoLo looked at me and said, "Really, Erin??" But he knew he'd lost.

Then he turned to the nurse and said, "Her name is Alexia Lidia Santana."

Alexia's first all-nighter (almost)

2013-09-05T11:52:00.000-04:00

I know I promised my next post would be about choosing Alexia's name, but Alexia clearly had other plans.

Last night, Alexia decided it would be a good night to try to pull an all nighter. From 9pm to 5am, she slept for only 2 hours and cried and fussed for the rest of the time. Yesterday morning, LoLo and I both woke up with sore throats. We told each other we'd go to sleep early so that we could rest and try to fight off any cold that might be trying to make its way to us. Alexia must have been laughing when she heard us say that.

She's lucky she has this sweet little face!

We brought her upstairs around 9 after she finished eating and were all ready to put her in her pjs and into her bassinet. I set her down on our bed and ran to the bathroom to get something. When I came back, I could smell that she needed to be changed. When I picked her up though, I realized her diaper had leaked. On our bed. I ran her to the bathroom and held her over the sink and she went again. LoLo stripped her down and cleaned her up while I took off the duvet cover and brought it and her clothes down to the laundry. No big deal.

Two hours later, at 11:45, Alexia was still awake. Now one thing you need to know about this baby is that she sleeps a lot. Like so much that she only wakes up to eat and then goes immediately back to sleep. Being awake for two hours is not something that happens with her. I kept trying to feed her but she wasn't hungry. She just wanted to fuss so we let her. Soon we figured out why when she spit up all over herself. Another change of clothes and another trip down to the laundry. Still no big deal. We got her comfortable and put her in her bassinet to sleep.

Two hours later, she was awake again. I figured we'd feed her and she'd fall right back to sleep like she normally does. Not last night. She cried and cried. We gave her a pacifier for the first time and she spit it out. We checked her temperature to make sure she didn't have a fever. LoLo rocked her in the rocking chair and even though it started putting him to sleep, she was wide awake. At around 3, she finally fell asleep. I put her in the bassinet and ten minutes later, she was screaming again. I couldn't help but cry. I didn't feel well and just wanted to rest so that I could get better. I didn't know why she was so upset.

At around 4:30 when I felt like I just couldn't take it anymore, I held her tight in my arms with her little face pressed up against mine and started rocking in the bed. She started falling asleep. I started to cry again but this time because I kept thinking about how much I loved her. How if this were anyone else messing with my sleep, I would be furious but because it was her all I could think of was how much I loved her.

It was a moment I don't think I'll ever forget. It was in that moment that I realized I'm really a mom. It was in that moment that I realized I love her more than I love myself.

It's a Girl!! The birth story

2013-09-04T12:00:00.001-04:00

Most of you have heard by now that I had my baby. Alexia Lidia Santana was born on Saturday, August 17 at 2:32pm, ten days before her due date. She was 8 pounds, 15 ounces and 21 inches long. LoLo and I are so happy and love her so much already!

It all started Friday evening when I got home from work around 6:20. As I was driving home, I called my mom like I always do. When I stepped out of the car, I told her "Ummm, Mom? Either I just peed myself or my water broke." I ran into the house and up the stairs to the bathroom to make sure. There was no doubt. Immediately I started yelling for LoLo but he was downstairs in the basement playing a video game and couldn't hear me. I called his phone and he didn't answer so I just kept yelling until he finally heard me and came running. The first thing he said was, "Do I have time to take a shower?" Really LoLo? That's your concern? That question makes me laugh now but at the time...

I called the doctor and he said to take our time but to come to the hospital as soon as we were ready. LoLo took a shower, I finished packing my bag and the baby's, and we were on our way to the hospital.

We arrived around 7:15pm and were taken immediately to a labor and delivery room because all of the triage rooms were full. The room was huge. They checked me out and I was 1cm dilated. I wasn't having any contractions so they let me go down to the cafe to get some food, walk around my room, hang out with LoLo and my mom, and watch the Red Sox game. They told me that if my contractions didn't start by 10:30, they would start pitocin.

Hanging out before they started the pitocin.

At 10:30, I hadn't had any contractions so they started the pitocin. I was so scared because I had heard that pitocin makes the contractions come hard and fast, but the contractions weren't too bad until the morning. By about 6:30am Saturday, I was 5cm dilated and the contractions were coming really strong. By this time, I was exhausted and almost crying with each one. It was definitely time for some pain medication. They gave me a temporary medicine that helped a little bit, but I knew I wanted the epidural. Around 8am, the anesthesiologists were able to come to my room.

Walking around before my epidural.

I'm not ashamed at all to say that the epidural was a miracle drug. I went from almost crying to falling asleep and only feeling a little pressure from the contractions. By 9:30, I was already 7cm dilated. At 11, I was 9. By noon, I was fully dilated. When the doctors checked me then, they told me to let them know when I felt like I needed to push. That was the second time that I felt terrified. I even asked if I really had to push or if I could just stay the way I was. The doctor's answer was "Well, the only way you're going to get this baby out is if you push. It's not coming out on it's own!"

Happy again after getting the epidural.

By 1:30 the nurse came back in and asked if I felt the need to push yet. When I said no, she said "Well, it's time!" It came instinctively to me. With each contraction, I would push 3 times for 10 seconds each. In between contractions, I was making jokes and laughing and chatting. I told you, the epidural was a miracle drug. I could feel just enough to know when to push, but all I felt was pressure. The nurse was amazing. To help me push, she twisted up a bed sheet and knotted each end. I held one end and she held the other. With each push, she had me play tug of war with her. In less than a half an hour, she told me it was almost time and she needed to get the doctor.

When the doctor came in, he made the same comment as everyone else who entered the room: "Wow! I can see the head and that baby has a ton of hair!" As I continued pushing, the doctor called over the medical student who was shadowing him that day. He told her, "Quick! Come here! You may never see this again. The baby is moving it's head to try to get out!"

When they finally pulled her out, the doctor brought her up to my chest to show us that she was a girl. At first, her umbilical cord was in the way and LoLo and I couldn't tell if she was a boy or a girl. But a few seconds later, it was obvious. We were both so excited. LoLo cut the cord and the nurses took her away to be checked out. As LoLo and I stared at each other in awe that we were parents of a beautiful little girl, we whispered to each other about the name.

In my next post I'll tell you more about her name and the first few days of her precious little life.

Motherhood and pregnancy thoughts at 38 weeks

2013-08-13T07:00:00.000-04:00

As a first time mom, I am going through this pregnancy completely in awe of what my body is doing. There is a tiny person moving inside of me. Taking my air. Taking my nutrients. And definitely taking my energy.

37 weeks

As I experience all of these things, I can't help but think about all of the other women who have gone through this in the past. See, as a first time mom, I like to think I'm special. Look what my body can do! But then I stop and think about how pregnancy is such a universal experience. Women have gone through this without saying a word for years. Women in far off places have these same experiences, no matter where they are from. And often times, we don't hear about their experiences. Sometimes when I see women around me with babies, I wonder what their pregnancy was like. Did people get excited for them? Did they feel these same feelings as I do?

What did women do before they had message boards and chat rooms and internet sites about pregnancy? I mean, obviously I know that they spoke to each other and made bonds with other mothers around them. It's just so different though. I can get a question answered by other women around the country and around the world in less than a minute. I can reach out to other women when I'm feeling anxious or scared. I can write a blog post and have friends reach out to me with the sweetest advice and reassuring words.

To be completely honest, sometimes I get sad that this is my only "first time" experiencing pregnancy. If LoLo and I have another baby, it won't be as big of a deal. People won't be so understanding towards me or so excited about my experience. Of course we'll be excited and will look forward to meeting another new baby, but it won't be the same.

I'm at 38 weeks along now and it feels so strange to me that I could have a baby any day. It seems so unreal. People ask if I'm excited and my honest answer is "I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore, but I'm not sure I'm ready to have a baby." Those two things are very different for me.

I can't believe our little family of 2 (3 if you count Bronxy!) is going to grow any day now. The days of just me and LoLo are almost over. Right now I feel sad about that... but I know that once I see that tiny little face, I'll forget it. And that day could be sooner than I think...

Impromptu Maternity Photos!

2013-07-15T07:00:00.000-04:00

3 weeks ago, my sister and her husband, Adrian, came to Maine for a visit. Not only did they help to throw a perfect baby shower for me (I'll have to tell you all about that later), they also took some really great maternity photos for me and LoLo. My sister took the pictures and Adrian acted as her assistant (and puppy handler!).

I was so adamant about not taking corny maternity photos (no prom pose here and no bare bellies either) and I absolutely love the results. I want to frame every photo and put them all over my house. I'm so grateful for having a sister with such a good artistic eye who takes such great pictures.

Paris.... Finally!

2013-07-08T07:00:00.000-04:00

Hello again, strangers. As promised, I've finally gotten around to getting a post together about Paris. You may remember that at the end of May (Memorial Day to be exact), I left Maine for almost three weeks. The first 5 days I spent in St. Louis, Missouri at a conference and the last week and a half I spent in Paris, attending a seminar held by my co-workers there. When I left, I was 28 weeks pregnant.

For most of the time I was in Paris, I was taking part in a seminar on the way the French see disability in their society. It was such an interesting topic for me because the French see disability as a situation, not something that defines people. In fact, they said that in certain situations, as a pregnant woman, I would be considered disabled since I could not perform all of the tasks of others. The seminar was great and helped me to see Paris from a really interesting vantage point.

A Moroccan cafe owned and run by a young deaf man


Home of Louis Braille outisde of Paris

Because I was so busy with the seminar, I had very little time to act like a tourist. Even when I did have the time, I was so exhausted and my feet and ankles were so swollen that I spent time resting and doing work. Finally, 2 days before I left, I had an entire day free to explore. I decided the best way for me to see the city without having to walk a whole lot was to take the Paris L'Open Bus Tour. The tour had 4 different lines that went all over the city and I took 3 of the lines and spent about 5 hours riding the buses.

Baby's first trip to Paris... see "it" there in my big belly?

I rode all over the city and enjoyed my little perch on the top of an open bus right in the front row. I saw all of the important sites:

Champs d'elysees

The Eiffel Tower

The Louvre

The Paris Opera

The Seine River

Notre Dame

Although it was a cloudy and dreary day, I got to see so much of Paris and listen to the history over my bright green earphones. It was a perfect solution for a pregnant girl who really couldn't walk much. Once I started getting hungry, I hopped off the bus and headed into a little cafe where I had some steak frites and a really tasty hot chocolate. I have to say I really love the cafe culture there!


Picture from cafe I went to the first day in Paris

Typical Paris street... narrow and so cute with even the buildings having shuttered windows

I also really loved these little houses near my hotel in Bercy

I really enjoyed Paris. It is such an amazing city full of history and life. I kept thinking that I wished LoLo could have been there because he would have loved learning about all of the history. The cafe culture and the slow pace were perfect for me. People spent hours just sitting at the cafes chatting with friends and drinking coffee and eating croissants. No one seemed in a rush like everyone seems to be in New York.

I feel so lucky to have been able to take this trip. One of my fears when I found out I was pregnant was that I would miss opportunities to travel and to see the world. Although it was definitely tougher and more exhausting, I felt like I did a really good job traveling at 7 months pregnant and wouldn't trade my experience for anything.

Baby Santana, you can check Paris off your list.

It's about to get real up in here

2013-06-24T07:00:00.000-04:00

It's official. At almost 31 weeks pregnant, I am just now getting anxious about this baby coming. And when I say anxious, I don't mean "Oh! I can't wait to meet this baby!", I mean "Please baby, stay in there until we are really ready". I know that sounds awful, and I know deep down, of course I want to meet our baby. But I'm scared. I'm scared I'm not going to be a good mom. I'm scared that I won't be able to keep our house clean (because who am I kidding, I don't keep our house clean as it is). I'm scared I won't be able to keep LoLo happy. I'm scared that Bronx is going to feel neglected and start acting out.

This past week has been a really hard one. I've cried a few times. I've sat here thinking, "I really should clean up around here" and then proceeded to take a 2.5 hour nap instead. I registered us for a childbirth education class and realized that the only weekend we could do it is the first weekend in August. 3 weeks before our due date. Which means there's always the possibility that we won't make it.

And I know LoLo is feeling anxious too. He's been ignoring things that normally he would have just done, like mowing the lawn. Our lawn is 3 feet tall. No exaggeration. I asked him this morning when he thought he'd be mowing it and he said, "I don't know...someday." and continued playing on the computer. When I asked him if he was just going to sit and play on the computer all day he said "Yeah, probably," even though he knows we have so much to do to prepare for this baby. The nursery is almost completely painted, but it has sat "almost done" for almost 2 weeks. (After I originally wrote this, he went outside and mowed the lawn and then came inside and cleaned the bathroom. Good husband.)

I know he's having a hard time and that he's getting just as worried as I am because when I get anxious, he is usually the one to come to my rescue and remind me that everything is going to be ok. But he's not doing that right now. He's stuck with his own emotions.

I have been really lucky to have a really easy pregnancy so far (knock on wood). I've coasted through with barely any pain and barely having to change my life. This week though, I finally started feeling some aches and pains. I finally wasn't able to tie my shoes myself because I can't bend over. And I think it finally hit me. I'm having a baby.

30 weeks...and why I'm the worst!

2013-06-18T07:00:00.000-04:00

Why hello there, strangers!! I'm the worst blogger ever right now! It's been too long since I sat down and wrote for this here blog. But in my defense, I've been a little busy.

I spent 2.5 weeks away from home. At 7 months pregnant. Working all of those days except for 1. Spending 8.5 hours on a plane. Twice. Missing my LoLo and my little Bronx the whole time.

I owe you all pictures of my trip to Paris and I won't forget to put them up. But right now, while I'm still catching up from such a long time away, I wanted to give you a little update on the pregnancy. Somehow I am 30 weeks along! This time is flying, just like everyone told me it would. We are in June. Our baby is due in August. How is this possible?!

Over the past month or so, I've felt the movement more and more. This baby loves kicking and punching and dancing merengue. One night in Paris, I was laying in bed on my back and the baby was moving so much that I could see it moving around like a little alien inside of me. I would put my iPad on my stomach and the baby would kick it off. It was times like that where I was sad that LoLo was all the way back at home, still at work while I was going to sleep, missing those moments.

I'm feeling good. I'm sleeping well and eating well and overall pretty happy, minus a few emotional moments. I took the pictures above at the end of my work day so my ankles were a little swollen, but otherwise, I've been feeling great. I've gained about 9 pounds up to this point. I'm really happy with my weight gain and my doctor says it's totally fine since I started out with some extra pounds.

When I see this picture, I can't believe how big my stomach is. It doesn't feel like I'm that big. Sometimes when I go to sleep, I wake up having forgotten I'm pregnant. Then I try to get up and I remember.

When I got back from my trip, Bronx wasn't quite sure what to think. He definitely kept his guard up for a while before actually warming up to me and cuddling like he did before. Once he started cuddling though, he kept resting his head on my stomach. I'm actually really happy that he had so much time with LoLo while I was gone because Bronx has finally learned to trust him. It makes me so happy that these two bonded over missing me!

I promise that my next update won't be 10 weeks from now when I am holding a baby (writing that sentence just totally freaked me out!).

How have you all been??

25 weeks

2013-05-14T07:00:00.000-04:00

Somehow I am already 25 weeks along. How is this possible?! Every day I am getting more and more anxious about this baby coming... in good ways and bad. There are days that I can't contain my excitement about meeting this little person who is half me, half LoLo. Then there are other days when I can't seem to keep my eyes open and I think to myself, "I had 10 hours of sleep last night and this is how I feel?? How will I feel with 2 hours??"

Still, things are moving along and I am feeling good. I passed my glucose tolerance test. My belly has gotten rounder. My parents gave me a mother-to-be card on mother's day.

And my favorite moment this week? LoLo finally felt the baby kick. And the baby kicked him in the face as he put his cheek up against my stomach. Now I really can't wait to meet this baby!

The picture isn't great, but it shows how I'm looking these days.

And because I think this is the cutest thing, my mother made a bouquet of mini cupcakes for mother's day and brought them to my aunt's house for our celebration. She is so cute and creative.

Cinco de Mayo

2013-05-03T09:33:00.002-04:00

Last year, I didn't have quite so many readers, so I figured in honor of Cinco de Mayo which is coming up this weekend, I would re-post my post from last year.

Every year around this time, I know I'm going to have to cringe at the many people who are "dressed like Mexicans". Every year I'm annoyed by the fake mustaches, the sombreros, and the ponchos.

This year, before you "celebrate" Cinco de Mayo, read my post and think about how you want to celebrate.

(stepping down from my soap box now.... happy weekend!!!)

Erin's thoughts on Cinco de Mayo