Empty Kitchen

Ask Mr. Owl

2012-01-27T01:27:00.000-08:00

One day I was contemplating the great questions and mysteries of the universe. You know the kind; if a small town barber shaves everyone in town that doesn't shave themselves who shaves the barber? (I'll wait while you wrap your head around that quandary...) Any way, the question I'm really wanting to address now is how many licks does it take to get the to center of a Tootsie Pop? If you go to the FAQ on Tootsie Roll web site you can read their response to this question. "It depends on a variety of factors such as the size of your mouth, the amount of saliva, etc. Basically, the world may never know."
This so-called answer never sat well with me. As a young man I sat down with a Tootsie Pop determined to do what Tootsie Roll Industries couldn't, or wouldn't. I would lick my way to the center, counting all the way. Looking back with an older, wiser, more analytical mind I realized the follies of this impetuous venture. I was blinded and carried away by the temptation of knowing "what the world may never know". Alas I failed to make any of the necessary preparations regarding the perimeters of the experiment; what constitutes a lick and where is the center? These are just a few of many pieces of the vital data that I neglected to consider before even beginning such an undertaking. After realizing this, I tried to I delude myself by thinking that I was the only one to know of the faults in my experiment. Having tasted the sweetness of this knowledge I could not let it go. I continued in my self deception, even boasting of this knowledge when the topic would come up. All the while knowing that it was incomplete. Eventually what sweetness it once had was replaced by a lingering vile bitterness. It felt hollow like a half victory. The kind that only the runner-up in a hot dog eating contest could even begin to understand.

I put this behind me for "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things" (1 Cor. 13:11). It had been years since I have heard the alluring call of the Tootsie Pop; but I'm getting ahead of myself. Allow me to take you back to that fateful day. I was one day uninterestedly looking at the candy in the candy bowl at work when I noticed a Tootsie Pop whose wrapper had unfamiliar coloring. Upon lifting it for closer examination I found it to be pomegranate flavored. "That's an interesting flavor choice" I thought to myself as I returned it to the bowl. Then I was struck, as if by a bag of nickles, I again felt the adventurous spirit of the explorers of old being beckoned by forbidden understanding [heroic trumpets and drums]. With patience and planning on my side I could rectify the mistakes of my zealous youth and gain this knowledge, which for so long had eluded me. After a few days of preparation and approximately 45 minuets of licking I can now say that I know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Sorry this entry seems to have taken a strange turn. I had planned for it to be an invitation to scientific collaboration but I kind of got away from me. It's already longer than I would like so I will not posting results at this time. If you would like to post your findings feel free to make a comment and if you do lick to the center of a Tootsie Pop you can print this "Clean Stick Award".

The Incredible Edible Egg

2011-10-05T14:00:00.000-07:00

I was watching a show on PBS about breakfast restaurants. They were asking people why they had picked a particular restaurant as their favorite. One patron said that they picked a particular establishment because they had the best Scotch egg in town. I had never heard of such a thing and I really like eggs. I wondered, almost out loud, "What's a Scotch egg?" Seeming to sense my interest and confusion the TV program began explaining exactly what it is. Basically it's a hard-boiled egg (minus the shell) covered with cooked ground sausage, dipped into an egg bath, breaded, and then fried. Doesn't that sound amazing!? A new quest begins...

A few days passed and I was taking a QuikTrip customer survey. One question listed a few possible new items for the QT rollers and asked if offered how likely it would be for me to purchase them. I was surprised to read that one of the items was a Scotch egg. This prospect was both exciting and distressing. I was excited because that would make finding one very convenient but distressed because I did not want my first Scotch egg to come from a gas station. I was sharing my plight with a couple my wife and I were eating dinner with and the wife said that she has had a Scotch egg, and not only has she had one, she knows how to make them as well. She later made some for us and they were delicious (either hot or cold).

Now having seen what they looked like on the show and in person, I wonder how QT is going to have them on the rollers. All the foods on the rollers are cylindrical. How could they make a Scotch egg that would be compatible with the existing rollers in the store? Hot dogs, hamburgers, and even the buffalo wings can be pressed into pretty much any shape. A hard-boiled egg is another story all together. I remember an urban legend about KFC genetically engineering "chickens" to cut labor and cost. Is there a possibility that QT Labs has a sophisticated genetics department? This group of elite scientists would surely be able to complete the assignment to create a chicken that will lay a cylindrical egg. Of course we know that this is pure madness...or is it? What if the hot dogs, hamburgers, and buffalo wings are not pressed into cylinders; but meat from cylindrical live stock?

"Adult" Blog

2011-09-30T10:58:00.000-07:00

I was reading an email the other day and the author mentioned having an "adult" beverage. Does this mean that other beverages would be considered "child" beverages? Take grapes juice for instance. We give it to children; but let it age and ferment and it becomes wine for adults. Since I'm an adult is it implied that any beverage I would drink would also be an "adult" beverage unless otherwise specified? I don't know what they would do to a glass of water to make it for an adult. I'm worried though; what if I don't tell the person taking my order that even though I'm a adult I don't want an "adult" beverage. Maybe they don't assume people are adults unless they are told. Like at the movie theater (or other places that have segregated ticket pricing) I have to tell them that I need an adult ticket. [On a side note; why is it that a child's ticket costs less? Are they going to enjoy the movie less? Maybe they should reduce adult tickets for children's movies.] I'll continue to make sure that I tell the people at the movies that I need an adult ticket and the next time I'm ordering a drink I'll be sure to order an "adult-size child's water" just to be safe.

Non-visual Conceptual Blog

2011-09-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

Cute Entry

2011-05-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

The other day I was asked a thought provoking question. "How cute is that?" What a difficult question to answer. I don't think the users of this frequently used interrogative expression appreciate its implications. It seems simple enough; four simple words. Similar questions such as "how far is that", "how bright is that", or even "how heavy is that". The main point of difference in these questions is that there is an established unit of measure. There is clearly a need for a unit to quantify cuteness. This may prove to be next to impossible. First a base for all cuteness would need to be set. This base would need to be some object or occurrence that when placed on a spectrum would not be so high as to make most objects, in comparison, on the lower end. Adding to the complexity is the fact that one person's view of what is cute can differ greatly. These two facts aside, unit would also need to be measurable. And if measured how would it be incremented? (I won't task you with reading to rest of my thought process or ideas for an acceptable mid-point on the spectrum of cuteness.) In the middle of my train of thought I realizing that the appropriate time to answer the question had elapsed. Not wanting to be perceived as being rude; I began explaining that I hadn't answered because I didn't know what kind of response was acceptable and started to explain what I had been thinking about, when I was told that what I had interpreted as a question was actually a statement and a mere affirmation would be deemed a proper response. In which case the whole thought process and this entry are rendered moot. How cool is that?

It's Electric!

2010-12-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

One bad apple spoils the bunch. I'm sure that somewhere there is a decent, productive member of society named Theodore Bundy. But because of one person that name is tainted. This is the case with things that start with the word "electric" too. Usually adding electric to words makes it better. The bad apple in this bunch is the...electric chair [dramatic organ music]. So many good things that start with "electric". There is the electric toothbrush, the electric blanket, even the Electric Company. An electric fence is pleasant compared to the electric chair. All of these exist in the shadow cast by this apparatus of death. The next time someone offers to take you to on a party ride, have no fear in joining them in the Electric Slide.

Road Deconstruction

2010-12-06T23:23:00.000-08:00

Whenever I drive through road construction I often muse on the contrast between road construction and road deconstruction. During the deconstruction the road crew seems to work with great speed and vigor; one might even say with gusto. This rapid pace may mislead some into thinking that the construction won't take long. After the initial work of removing the old road has finished, tired perhaps from the laborious feat they have just accomplished, the work crew seem to almost leisurely go about rebuilding the road. I am likely being unfair in my judgment. The work of road construction requires more skill and has many more building regulations than the removal of an old road. What if there is an deeper more psychological reason? The work crew knows that one day their new road will be worn down and damaged by use. When that time comes their work will be destroyed. This thought may cause them to work more slowly to try and protect the road from the inevitable "wear and tear" of motorists. Or maybe they just enjoy ripping up the road more than putting it down. They, like a child that has fun making a mess reluctantly cleans up when told. They even put up signs of protest, "end road work".

ICV Supplement: m-1

2010-10-22T11:39:00.000-07:00

In the 1980's there was an extremely informative instructional video filmed by two experts in the field of enhanced lactose cryogenics. Those who know of this film refer to it as The Ice Cream Video (ICV). It sets forth proper purchasing and transportation regulations as well as distribution procedures and consumption controls. Believing that I am adequately acquainted with the subject matter I feel confident in offering the following supplemental hypothesis and supporting experiment.
Larger portions are more effective in minimizing the amount of ice cream wasted after consumption, provided consumption occurs in a cone-free environment. In addition, eating directly out of the storage receptacle will further reduce the amount of ice cream waste. The following experiment has been devised to support this hypothesis. Two bowls of chocolate ice cream are served. Sample A contains two more scoops than sample B. After consumption a visual inspection of the bowls reveals the same amount of melted ice cream residue. By this we may interpolate that serving size is not directly proportional to the amount of residue wasted. One may also infer that by reducing the number of containers the ice cream is transplanted into will reduce waste further. In conclusion the practice of serving small bowls of ice cream is wasteful and can only be justified by either licking the resultant residue or eating a second bowl.

BUMP vs bump

2010-10-21T12:01:00.000-07:00

I was going to wait a couple weeks to blog about this so I could use the word "fortnight" but I just did so I don't have to wait anymore. I recently drove to Oklahoma City. There is currently construction on the turnpike. It while driving in this construction at night that I encountered the subject of this post. There are several BUMP signs, which serve as an warning to motorists of a sudden upward change in elevation of the road. Every time I saw one of these signs I would slow down, go to yellow alert, and brace for a impact. Mysteriously each sign was followed by an almost imperceptible bump rather than a vehicle jarring BUMP. We proceeded on our journey not knowing if this bump was the BUMP or if it was still lurking out there...in the dark. In my bewildered and somewhat worrisome state I mused on this roadside hyperbole. To me when something is written in all capital letters it means that someone is yelling or emphasize something. This apparently does not apply to road signs. There should be a scale to measure the severity of a bump to determine whether its is a bump or a BUMP. At the very least they should give an approximate distance to the obstacle. To all who drive that stretch of road beware for things that go BUMP in the night.

Friday + Pie = Pieday

2010-08-31T11:39:00.000-07:00

Friday is Pieday. What a beautiful idea! I'm getting ahead of my self. Let me explain how this day changing idea came to me. As part of my job I do grocery shopping for the Crisis Stabilization Unit every Friday. A few weeks ago I was getting some frozen dinners and something caught my eye. The beautiful apparition was a frozen fruit pie made by Banquet. Being a big fan of their beef pot pies I thought this was a wonderful idea. But to my dismay the only varieties available were peach and mixed berry. I lamented, "if only they made a frozen pie that I would like". I was telling a co-worker about this new treat and they said that they had seen Banquet apple pies as well. The next time I was at the store I sought out the elusive apple pie. To my great joy it was found [queue heavenly music and glowing pie box]. That Friday marked the first Pieday. I have had an apple pie, as part of my lunch, every week since. Join with me in the Pieday festivities and give yourself a little treat.

WARNING: The filling of the pie is boiling lava hot when it comes out. If you don't want it to destroy your mouth let it set for a while, or you can do what I do and put a scoop of ice cream on top.

The Water Closet

2010-08-02T21:48:00.000-07:00

The other day I remembered a paper that I had written for one of my classes in 2005. The teacher gave us a few subject choices and I choose to write about an interesting bathroom that I had been in. I decided to write about one in one of the apartments I lived in on my mission. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to find a picture. For those that want to know it was the one in Chalan Kanoa on Saipan.

The Water Closet

All human dwelling places must have a place for the disposal of human waste. Cabins have outhouses with squeaky doors and wild critters lurking nearby. Mansions have grand tiled rooms with scented toilet paper and porcelain badae. There are many different types of bathrooms. This is the story of one such room.
There it was—the bathroom to put all other bathrooms to shame. To be quite honest the bathroom could not have looked any other way and fit into the apartment it was part of. The bathroom was a walled off corner of the bedroom in an apartment measuring nine feet by thirty-five feet. The apartment had been used by several other young men who were living without mothers to clean the bathroom, or any of their other rooms for that matter.
Upon entering the bathroom, the first thing a person would notice was that the floor was about an inch lower than the rest of the apartment. If the room were entered at an angle perpendicular to the door the person would find themselves looking at themselves in the mirror from the shoulders down. The height of the mirror was perfect for adjusting ones tie but not for much else. In order to look directly at ones face one would have to lean over. This really wasn’t bad if you didn’t mind the close up of the toothpaste splatter reflected on your face, but was bad if you wanted to see just your face.
Turning away from the mirror to face the rest of the bathroom the next thing you would encounter was the toilet. Sitting on the toilet, like a gargoyle on a perch, one would realize that it seemed to be raised about an inch. This odd height could cause one to think that the bathroom was not always an inch lower than the adjoining bedroom. Perhaps the tile floor was like a notepad. When the floor became too dirty all one had to do was tear off the top sheet of floor and there would be a clean one beneath. Judging by the cleanliness of the floor this had not been done for a long time, or, the bottom of the “notepad” had been reached.
The shower was an odd contraption. It wasn’t a tub and it wasn’t one of those standing showers, it was…just there at the end of the room. The shower seemed to be kind of an after thought. The only thing separating it from the rest of the room as a shower curtain and a two-and-a-half foot high tiled wall. The tile was the same on the inside and the outside of the shower except for the strange film on the floor inside the shower. This film must have been the most indestructible entity in the universe. There was nothing that could get rid of it, not even the amazing power of Oxy-Clean!
Actually taking a shower was an adventure. The water pressure was so low that the shower head actually had to be taken off because the water almost couldn’t, or wouldn’t, go through it. With the shower head off it was like taking a shower in a drinking fountain. This was no ordinary drinking foundation—the water that came out of the shower was saltwater. This made perfect sense, though. Saltwater came out of every faucet in the apartment. This was because this apartment was located on an island in the Pacific Ocean.
There are many types of bathrooms. There is something unique about each of them. That uniqueness is what we remember about each one that we happen to use. These things make a bathroom more than a bathroom. They make it a memory.

Lego my...self

2010-07-17T13:06:00.000-07:00

I was watching Jimmy Kimmel the other night and he had the most awesome toys. They were giant (20 inch) Lego figures. Jimmy had one of Prince of Persia and somehow Jake Gyllenhaal got one that looked like Jimmy. Thinking it would be great to have a Lego me I went to the Lego website to try and find how to order one. Much to my dismay I couldn’t find anything resembling what I was looking for. So I hit Google looking for a different vendor. They are surprisingly difficult to find. From what I was able to learn Lego doesn't distribute then to the public. They are (or were) produced for store displays. I was able to find some for sale on eBay. They seem to be going for a few hundred dollars! I think that if Lego were to start mass producing these figures they would be able to sell them for less and possibly allow for some customization. I guess my dream of having a Lego me must go unfulfilled…for now.

Dairy Queen Killer

2010-07-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

I must apologize to the woman driving the black mustang in the Dairy Queen drive through. Let me explain, it's been a while since I have been to that particular DQ and I thought I didn't have to turn for another block. Then you suddenly braked and started getting over to turn. It was then that I realized that I needed to turn there as well. Your next maneuver did perplex me a little. After you immediately drove through the drive through without ordering anything; I thought you had missed a turn and were just using the parking lot to turn around. But after I ordered I noticed you were not heading back the way you came. While I was waiting for my order I looked behind me and to my surprise you were there. This made me wonder to my self, "what mental process caused you to pull into DQ not order anything, leave, and immediately come back and order". I an only assume that I had a ice-cream-crazed look on my face that made you think that I would kill for ice cream. Perhaps you thought that I had a cross bow in my trunk and you were going to fall victim to road rage inspired vigilante justice. Then again it could just be that you are on a diet and had second thoughts about getting fast food but then you were able to rationalize "just one more blizzard. I can stop when ever I want."

Dino Abduction

2010-07-09T08:57:00.000-07:00

The highlight of the second day driving through Wyoming is the ice cream break at Little America. I had been looking forward to this stop since we started planning the trip. Not merely because of the 50 cent ice cream cone but because I was going to have my picture taken with the dinosaur. We got our ice cream cones and I started towards the door. To my surprise I didn't see the dinosaur outside. My first thought was that I just didn't remember exactly where it was. After searching and not finding it I went inside to ask where the dinosaur was (hoping they had just moved it to another area). To my shock and horror she said that a trucker had stolen it. I thought to myself why would someone seal the Sinclare dinosaur from Little America. I could only think of two reasons for abducting it. 1 They wanted it to put in their pool or 2 some rich dinosaur needed an organ transplant. Either way I hope they are happy with what they did.

Bluetooth keyboard

2010-05-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

I was reading a blog about Windows Mobile programs and saw an ad that actually interested me. It was for a folding bluetooth keyboard. I'm not one that usually clicks on those adds but since I don't carry my old pocket pc anymore I have been looking for a folding keyboard like the one I had for it. The product has not been released yet but it does look promising. I joined the news letter for product news.

New Project

2010-05-19T08:24:00.001-07:00

I'm excited about Hunchback Studio's newest project. Honestly it's been a long time coming. I just hadn't decided to purchase the hardware to convert the VHS tape to digital format or the software to manipulate it. I got a really good deal on PowerDirector and just recently learned that my brother has the hardware and will let me borrow it. The main purpose in borrowing it is to convert some old family videos. Hopefully I will be able to get started on it soon.

No sonic screwdrive, no TARDIS, no problem

2010-05-13T21:41:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago the touch screen stopped working on one of our cell phones. We spoke with our service provider. They said that the manufactures warranty had expired a few months ago and they would not be able to replace it. They did offer us a partial discount on a new phone. Not wanting to spend that much money we decided to look into taking it somewhere to get repaired. after talking to a couple of businesses and learning that it would cost $80 for them to replace the part or $40 for them to order it then I would have to install it myself. I thought there must a more cost effective way to fix the phone. I looked online and found a merchant on ecrater that was selling the component for $10 plus $5 shipping. When it came in the mail I was impressed on how well it was packaged. After replacement was done the phone worked "better than ever", according to my wife. How do you like that? Fixed the cell phone without a sonic screw driver or the TARDIS. (that last bit may not have made sense to those of you that aren't familiar with Doctor Who.)

Dimdim

2009-11-19T09:33:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since my last blog entry so I guess I should blog about something. I have been looking at a free web meeting service called dimdim. So far I have been pretty impressed. I't was likely created for business and educational purposes. I think that there are some personal applications as well. I think I'll open a meeting room on Saturday and post the link in my Facebook status to see if anyone joins in.

Dell IdeaStorm Post

2009-08-12T07:58:00.001-07:00

This is a copy of an idea that I posted on Dell's IdeaStorm site. If you like it please log on and promote it and hopefully the will implement the idea.

"I think that Dell should look in to selling this cable (or one like it) for their laptops with an HDMI port. This would allow for the users to connect to most "older" TVs, which don't have an HDMI port, for presentations, gaming, and video watching(as I feel VGA cables are lacking in quality and audio options)."

That Time of Year

2009-06-22T13:40:00.000-07:00

It's about that time of year now. The time when people start asking what I would like for my birthday. I usually reply by telling them that I don't know. This year I can say just look at my wish lists on Amazon. With the universal wish list button I have been able to add items to my list, even if they are not listed on Amazon. So for those who say I am hard to shop are really want to get me something there are some ideas.

Update (Brief Bio)

2009-06-22T07:06:00.000-07:00

This is a copy of an update I posted on Facebook on 06/01/2009. I thought that since everyone who visits my blog my not be on my Facebook I would post it here as well.

"I have decided to post this (very brief) update for those of you that I haven’t seen in a while. After graduating from high school, in Derby Kansas, I had the opportunity to serve as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was called to serve in the Micronesia Guam Mission. This covered the Republic of Palau, Federated States of Micronesia, Northern Marianas Islands, and the Marshall Islands. Most of my time was spent on Guam with some months on Saipan and a visit it Tinian. I am eternally grateful for the chance I had to service. These two years changed my life and greatly shaped who I am today. After these two years I came home to Kansas. I chose continue my education at Cowley County Community College studying Computer Science. On 20th November 2004 my wonderful wife Mynnette and I were married for time and eternity in the Latter-day Saint Temple in Omaha, Nebraska. We have been married for four and a half years. In 2007 we decided to purchase a house (in Kansas). This allowed us to become licensed to do foster care. To date we have had 12 children stay with us in our home for various intervals. We currently have 3 young children staying with us. I have also continued serving in my church in various capacities (Primary Teacher, Ward Clerk, Executive Secretary, Sunday School Teacher, and most recently as Nursery Worker and Assistant Stake Executive Secretary). I currently employed in the office of the Sedgwick County Offender Assessment Program. Hopefully this gets most of you up to speed on what is going on if not feel free to drop me a line."

Free QuikTrip Food!

2009-06-17T06:50:00.000-07:00

I was in a QuikTrip restroom several months ago (don't stop reading this isn't a restroom post). I noticed a flyer stating if you logged onto their customer service web site and rated the store you would get a free hot dog and drink. Well I'm not one to pass up free food. And if you're like me you like the gas station quality food at QuikTrip. After filling out the survey I was asked if I wanted to join their web group. If you join their group you will get a free food item one a month for filling out a survey. If you live or work near a QuikTrip like me this is well worth the couple minuets it takes to fill out the survey. Click on the image below to go to their group page.

Up and Coming

2009-06-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

If you figured out the meaning behind the address you get 10 points! Geocities is shutting down and I figured now was as good a time as any to move my web site. This is where I will be posting my blog. If you would like to know about some of the projects I am working on I also have a blog to Hunchback Studio. I'll keep you posted (they will likely be short and far between).