Encik-Sama

2010-02-01T02:22:00.000+08:00

Okay, its about tyme fer me to bring ma blog beck to LIFE..!!! LoL~

It's been awhile since ma last blog update, i swear i'm super lazy.. Ferst of all, i lost ma mood to talk/publicize about ma life so 'others' can read and follow up.. Second is cause i already got a Twitter account so means i'm like 'micro-blogging' now.. Third, i dun wanna let 'outsiders' noe much about ma life unless dey really noe me..

Okae, so now i've started da trend beck i got loads to sae/write.. Seriously, LOADS~ =O
So let me break it down into few portions so ya'll can understand & follow up about wads goin on in Enchik-Sama's LIFE, yeah..?

- About why i wanna stop blogging, da real reason behind it all..
- Scoops & Behind-the-scenes of ma life while i stopped blogging..
- Ma life dat i continue as time passes by..
- About some 'climax' of ma life..
- Summary of 2009..
- Start of 2010 & why i reborn ma blog..
- Wad i am currently doin ryte NOW..

Okae, so dats da breakdown procedure so expect YOU readers to spent about lets sae few minutes to read ma blog?.. Unless ya'll just scanning thru er super fast eyes den perhaps thirteen-minutes will do fer ya.. Ready?.. Set, and GO.......

Reason why i wanna stop blogging if ya'll trace beck was cause i lost ma motivation to update every dae er week er month.. I soo hate it when people askin me when do i wanna update ma blog.. Because fer me, wad i'm typing here is all about ma LIFE.. If dey wanna kepo-kepo why not just be PART of it.. Get some closure and ya'll will noe da happening and all.. If not, just BEAT IT.. I'm not gonna pressure you about ur life.. I can be nosy at tymes but hey, i am understanding as well.. If ya'll dun wanna let other people noe den i wont persue.. Dats fer me mann, no pressure.. Why must chase other people's life when u have YOURS..?! Stupid kan.. So da 'baga'.. Apart from dat, also i noe da fire-starter fer me to blog is cause of dis particular gerl name 'Alia'.. Well she is a gerl if i'm not wrong, hahh, joke-joke she IS one and gettin more 'famine' and 'chio-bu' now.. So if i start blogging cause of her motivation, now dat i have no closure with her no more(due to some complications), why must i continue wif dis lifestyle dat i'm not persistant enuf to commit, u see..? So yeah, partly dat is da reason uh.. Apart from motivation oso i want some 'privacy' in ma life cause maybe/perhaps dat point i was so called 'misleading life' and it was kinda ugly.. Another thing is i just dun see da point 'story-telling' about ma life in PUBLIC, so darn merepek..

I stopped blogging, loads of things happened.. Really, alot of THINGS dat came thru.. Some i am unable to remeber while some FOR SURE i will.. Others i dont think i wanna elaborate much and yet still another i may not be able to cover.. So here maybe i can give some simple 'updates' about wads goin on since i stopped blogging.. It was during dat period where i got close wif dis babe, Lia.. She was considered ma dear 'adek-angkat' and beck den we were so called gettin CLOSE.. So close till i fell fer her.. And not dat i literally meant it but practically and emotionally as well.. Seriously, i thot i was in 'love' with her, madly i am.. I do things dat i shuld had not done to anyone else and even those dat i used to with ma ex.. She was so called an item of 'replacement' during dat tyme.. But i noe wad i was doin was wrong.. And i dun wanna keep dat 'replacement' concept in-hand.. I wanna make her an ORIGINAL.. Not sumone whom wuld replace ma love i had once before in life.. I tried a couple of tymes, i did tried ma best but sumhow it just dosent fit.. It dosent even seem ryte.. But when finally i found da ability to convert dat feeling into an 'original', i lost ma chance.. I was little too late.. Fer wad reason i do not understand we both fought fer an entire MONTH(June 09)..!! It was depressing.. I planned to spend a dae out with her during dat period cause she was having her holidaes and her bufdae was around da corner.. But things just dosent seem to fit.. I tried to convince her but she wont hear me out.. On her bufdae itself i confronted ma love fer her.. Which was so real, i swear it was ORIGINAL & REAL, so much dat i can throw ma past away, even da sake of doing anything fer her.. Yes love is blind and reckless at tymes.. On dat night itself, i called her, she was persistent and wont answer ma calls but eventuallie she did.. I cried, like mad i do.. She rejected me.. I was dere offering my honest and sincere feelings of compassion fer her yet she denied me and turn me off.. It was sickening.. I was downstruck but as so i was expecting it already.. But sumhow even dat i prepared maself fer da rejection(i always do), dis tyme around seems hard.. And different cause i noe dat dis feeling i had fer her has aroused from ma rehab.. Just as dose years i closed ma door fer love.. I closed ma door towards dose gerls dat i tried on after ma beloved-ex, dose tymes i given it up, dis was da tyme i wanna give love a try.. Dis was da moment i wanna open ma doors and welcome love beck into ma life, da door slammed beck infront of me and tight shut.. I am really pissed + depressed + ashamed + sick + wadever dere is lah.. Even typing about it here reminds me of dat very dae, so detailed as if its yesterdae.. Aniwae, dat was dat uh, part og 'climax' in life tho it was not a 'good' one..

After dat incident, i was turning to ma best buddies da most.. dey are ma beloved-ex(Nur) & ma buddy-gold(Nas).. Dey were dose people dat noes me BEST, even till dis dae i can declare dat.. Da longest friendship i've had are in YEARS are DEM.. And i'm proud to have dem part of ma life even till dis dae.. Tho dey may not be so close animore nor spent much tyme together but wadeva we've been thru in da past is wad develope dat 'strong bond' we share, we called it "Bermuda-Triangle".. Yeah, da name is a 'LOL'.. So as i was saying, den afta dat rejection period i turn to dem.. Tho not so much to Nur as i wanna be so called 'resistace' towards her, but eventualie i got a closure.. I dunnot noe why er how it came to begin but it just happen.. Maybe it was dat 'fourth chance' er maybe it was only a mere 'try-out' er just pure 'fooling-around'.. I dunnoe but da werds she gave me was dat to have a so called 'un-official relationship' cause she dun wanna rush partly, another is she dun wanna date sum other guys whom needs to go thru with da so called 'normal' procedure like 'kenal2 dulu den can macam2' ya noe..? So yeh, i was dat 'dude' dat knew her 'best' and yet still, so she choose me of all people.. I was fond of it and decided to give it a try, so yeh.. I dun wanna elaborate much about dat period cause i might spent too much typing on it and off-focus on others.. I wish i do wanna sae more but, neah..

So yeah, ma blog was declared DEAD a few tymes.. Dere was dat tyme when it's sappose to be dead but den an update suddenly appeared.. I was like 'LOL'.. It was dis babe uh i met(Fana), er so called 'kenal-kenal' along da wae but actualie i knew her already cause added her as fren in Tagged & MSN.. But den long tyme neva see her online to chat and i also already delete away ma Tagged account.. So yeh, dat point, we got started uh.. And best about her dat i can sae, she was amongst dose dat can 'impress' me via werds itslef.. It aint easy fer anyone to impress Enchik-Sama okae.. LoL, but yeh she sumhow did capture ma attention, and yes very well indeed.. So it went on fer a period of tyme.. But nothing much happen, cause i dun wanna anything to happen oso.. But one thing i treat dis gerl differently form others is i tried to be extra honest and sincere.. Compare to others ryte, i'm just abit too nice towards her den others i dunnoe why.. Dere was a couple of occasions uh when she went silent mode den re-appear den silent mode agaen and re-appear agaen, kinda funny uh dat gerl.. Apart from dat, i wont sae much about her..

Moving on as da days passes, i grew much more deep with Erah & her family.. Went out wif her and fam on few occasions.. I guess her mom really adores me much, i'm just sayin.. LoL.. But really, i have neva got any much attention from a 'mom' other den Erah's, honest.. I'm not sayin it aint gud but scary yet beneficial at tymes.. Hehee.. Yeh, i'm enjoying it uh, who wont.. Her mom already consider me as 'anak-angkat'.. And i'm like 'WTH'..... Yeah, i just treat her daughter like normal, really i do, well, i do.. Okae2, i tried to.. But well, complications uhh.. Between me and her, i no comment uhh.. But sumhow during da process, like normal, when one human being gets closure with another, surely an adaptation occurs.. Yah, i do develop some 'feelings' fer her uhh.. I admit, yes.. But still, i hide it from her, ofcourse i wont show.. Never will, chey.. But yeh, i wont want to give a wrong impression lah.. Better she finds out herself.. Tho at tyme i do give her hints and indirect-tips, she still no observe i guess.. Yup, i do did some confessions at a point, three tymes altogether i think, sum it up, she still no responce.. Cause her excuse is "i dunnoe".. Typical, but as expected.. I wish she can be more direct, but at da same tyme i love trying to figure her out.. Exciting, it makes me feel like 'hunting' agaen, tho in da past i suck, but i get better as i progress, i hope.. Huhuu~

In da middle part i got abit of closure uh, but not so close, just a 'moment' uh with dis cool babe(Selynna).. She's attatched, and we went out sumhow, she ASKED.. Dorts, i was sumhow 'vacant' dat tyme and was bored so she was too.. Went on a movie, i told her to ask permission from her bf(Amir) ferst before anything bad er wrong impression gets in.. So yeah, we went, oh and bump into Fana sumhow.. She thot Selynna was ma gf but hell no.. Already danger go out like dat, huhuu.. Still, i saw her with a 'guy' which she dat tyme claims to be her bf, but den after few weeks found out broke, den different storie.. I dunnoe lah ehh, confusing.. So i wont elaborate much here uhh, scared mislead info.. Hehh..

Another funny thing i wanna touch-up upon is ma so called 'gay-buddy'(Ferril) is den considered himself attatched to dis young gerl Fifah.. Yeah, she's barely fifteen years old.. I guess dey are so da close till dey declare demselves 'attch' after not even realizing it nor accepting it.. Dey just assume da date on 20th Feb to be da starting point, sweet ryte?.. Bahh, i'm actualie abit disgusted + honored to have him finally settle down to a GERL.. Like finally uh ehh.. After all dis years i wont expect dat fella to be in a relationship, even if he does he wuld be with ME.. LOL, i kid.. Yup, i'm glad fer him and i hope dey last long.. Ofcourse must be supportive, why not?.. Everybody deserves to feel love and be loved.. I had ma chance and tyme, now its his turn to feel da 'gay'.. Hope he wont make it a mistake like mine, i'll keep on giving him some tips and advicess, cause i want him to enjoy it while it last.. And i wanna see it last, so make sure it will so i can actualie have a product to be happy with.. Apart form dat about him, we grew so close with each other, seriously close, as in GAY-CLOSE.. Her mom also declares me 'anak-angkat'.. Now i got two extra mom's(mak-angkat) apart from Nas's mom whom declared me to be in 2004, LoL.. I enjoy ma daes ad tyme with him, soo GAY...

Khai & Ama lasted ONE YEAR already.. Thru thick and thin, dey made it.. Weehoo! Congrats guys.. Yeah and hopefully get married soon ekh, lalalaa.. Okae luhh, dey are sweet couple.. Like wad Ferril said to me; "meant to be".. Ahahahaa.. So true, and betta be.. I love to see dem together, just envy me all da tyme.. Yeah, it's a gud thing sumhow i envy cause i used to be soo 'in-love' during dose days.. But even if i dont feel dat wae, i am surrounded by friends whom are.. Ferril & Fifah, Khai & Ama, Nas & Aisyah, dey all are ma best budds in life and all are attch and happy.. Whoa so best.. Especially Nas, i actualie 'helped' him much to get bect together.. Shhh, cant talk much here.. So yeah, couples in ma social life.. Oh not to forget another one more couple whom sumhow survived a YEAR TOO.. Oh and not to forget Khai bought me a BLACK JEANS.. Which sappose to be expensive but den 'cheap', he said it's a christmas gift, so i gladly accept da offer.. "Rezeki tak boleh ditolak kan per.." Chey, melayu plak.. Hahaa.. So yeah, thanks alot dude, very GAY.. Come i give you kiss in return.. Or you wanna hug..? Er ya want BOTH..?! LoL, i kid.. Im STRAIGHT.. But still GAY.. Like i said, i go "BOTH WAYS".. *winks*

Farah(Honey) & Irsyad(Mickey), another engros series which have soo many juicy gossips and stories dat i soo wanna love to talk and share BUT, i cant due to confidential crisis.. But still, i wanna mention dem cause especially da babe(Farah) have done a big impact in ma life.. By many waes, be it as a 'bestie' er as an influential 'couple' and even wif her attitude/character.. Taught me alot and alwaes will.. She even bring me out on 'adventures', LOL, okae and some were sexiting especially dat 'tripple-date'.. Free movie and makan from a random GUY, muahahaa.. Cant stop laughing at it.. Seriously, she changed alot and so does he, and i'm so proud of dem both.. Dey really survived it thru dis year.. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

So basically in year 2009 dere are loads of happenings in ma life, how not to, i'm spending ma last year as a TEENAGER.. Seriously, so GAY goin twenty soon.. I wish i culd be younger and remain young.. Too much of enjoying life.. Soo much till i get off track and drop out of school.. Well, actualie i wanted to.. I literally, no, i practically asked to 'quit' school.. I had enuf with da 'wasting tyme' dere.. Honestly i am pissed with da school and da lecturers.. I'm proud dat i quit cause of few reasons.. Im out of HELL, atleast now i am exploring da werld with many diff angles and perceptions of life.. Also now i get to see much more of da werld.. I am actualie EARNING money rather den rot ma balls off.. And finally i can actualie SUPPORT MASELF and carry dat burden away from Bonda, hopefully i can continue with dis.. I dun wanna give dat weight beck to her like i used to last tyme i failed.. I already dissapoint her soo much in 2009, i gotta make it up to her sumhow.. I plan to, in near future Insyallah.. And when i do, i must carry on with it all da wae and not stop dere.. Gosh, it's gettin abit emo when i go into 'deep' on dis topic.. I love ma mom, very much, werds cant express much here, she'll noe in akhirat.. Haizz.....

Oh, now i'm a part-time waiter, under agent werking at $5.50 per hour.. Atleast dis income can bring me up by ma own two-feet den to depend on others(like mom er dad).. And still wae better den werking at 7eleven downstairs where i only earn $3.50.. Dis agent is much betta as it gives me da flexibility i want on werking on certain daes.. I can actualie choose when to werk and when not too.. I need other tyme to do 'stuffs'.. I'll elaborate more later.. Apart from dat, i guess i'm half satisfied cause sometimes must handle products dat aint HALAL like pork and wine.. I tried goin beck to Newstead and asked Hai Loon er Julian Wong to help gimme a spot, dey tried dier best but still no 'green light' yet.. I cant wait any futher dats why i go on dat agency job which Khai recommends me, still okae uhh.. I am surviving well, dats all dat matters..

So 2009 come and go, just like dat.. Oh, Michael Jackson passed away, how sad and tragic.. very drama till global went abit 'hebo', okae more den dat, chaotic.. LoL, i wish i can tribute to him as well, he's ma childhood idol.. Cause of HIM i got canned in Primary Three, lol, childish 'act'.. *aoww* Other den him, The Rev from A7X also passed awae near end of da year, another sad moment.. Dat dae i found out, i tribute listening to all A7X's songs all dae long.. Haa, and Qam went over saying he will posses him so he can play drum like pro-fuk.. GAY laah.. I wish it was true, atleast sumthin to be 'skill-fool' about.. Haa, but yeah, another thing to talk abt Qam is he found new gerls in life..? Whoa, another interesting fella.. Neva before seen to be like dis now all people change huh.. Kinda like Ferril's life story.. LoL..

And thus 2010 came.. Loads of things happen as well, i wanna only sae sum and da rest is all out on 'micro-blog' a.k.a Twitter.. So fer those whom are curious ya'll can follow me on Twitter, if i allow ya'll to, if not sorie ah ehh, i only want a few people to noe me deep, da rest "donnot cross da yellow line".. Hahahaa.. Gay much?.. I hope ya'll understand uh, i have reasons.. Atleast i'm public blogging now.. So all(public) can read and noe abit 'more' about me off-hand.. So consider me 'generous' ekh.. Hahaa..

Oh oh, 2010 best.. Hectic already in January.. I wish i can remember much so i can tell but sumhow i cant seem to function ma brain cells at dis tyme.. I was actualie doing dis blog late around 2300hrs and msging Hamzah at da same tyme.. He and his gerl(8 long years together) just got an iPhone so dey finding 'mr iPhone' refering to me lah, da socalled "IT GUY" all-rounder.. Not to boast but at tyme i hat being labled like such.. Tho i appreciate da tittle and attentioin i get but at tymes catch me wrong timing uh, i oso got 'stuff' to do ya noe.. Huhuu, no offence lah guys.. Especially family uhh.. So many appointments beck den.. And i'm expecting much more dis year.. Already helped Along with buying a lappie just now.. Introduced him with ma MAN(Julian Wong) and now i think dey can be 'best-frens' alreadi.. LoL.. Like okae like dat wad, i'm doing Julian and Newstead a favour.. I give dem more customers.. Hahaaa..

So so much i wanna type in and record it down but i'm just gettin fatigue and lerthagic as tyme passes.. Dats wad i hate about blogging, too much tyme spent on it.. I alwaes tweet, much easier, faster and flexible.. Still considered 'blogging' as well.. Khehh.. So yeah, fer more further updates, just follow me on 'Twitter' so it wuld be much ease to talk about Enchik-Sama's life.. Be updated dere, and yeah, i hope to update more here soon.. Perhaps once a month er if i'm free once a week.. See how lah, cannot guarantee uhh..

Mainly why i reborn ma Blog is cause many provoke me pluss encourage me pluss invite me pluss push me pluss threaten me pluss, alah many luhh to sae, to start Blogging and so yeh.. I dun wanna start just because of pressure but because i WANT TO.. Since i'm tweeting now, why not i just maximise more but less deep here on ma blog.. And lets see how many people/readers wuld actualie be interested.. Or i might just consider Vlogging, but needs a gud CAM and VIDEO editing software dat i can compromise on using.. Huhuu.. Till den, i'm stuck with TYPING to BLOG.. Hehh, alah can lahh.. Still productive(in wadeva sense uh) i can sae..

Okae luhh, i think dis is ma limit.. I do miss out some(much) but deres alwaes dat 'day' where all is revealed.. So might as well save it fer da best 'view'.. I will try ma best to put in more vibrant topics and cover more in significants here while i tweet da random-ness and sufficient.. Aye, i will be sleeping now got werk tmr.. And ohh, it Febuarary already.. In a matter of 16 daes.. Haiyoo.. Soon gonna be out of 'teenage-hood'.. I'm gonna miss ma life as one.. But LIFE GOES ON.. I'm gonna leave with a quote i creatively came up not a dae ago.. Kinda gay i can sae, ahh, i sae mann~

"Age Is Only A Certificate Of How Much Time We Spent In Life" - Enchik-Sama

2010-01-26T17:22:00.001+08:00

` Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap !?

heeeylo thre people ! im Erah Kechyik ,

will be updating this lazy guy blog just to keepit alive ! :D

he's been busy with his forums and stuff lately which i don't know what .

last few weeks , i did confessed everything tt i had kept

to myself long time ago which i dare-not tell him .

but it was a big major relief tt i told him what i wanna tell him .

i can't believe myself i did told him .

Muhammad , I TYPE THIS , JUST FOR YOU .

` i realize my mistakes ` i realize my mistakes .

` im sorry , im sorry , im sorry , im sorry , im sorry , im sorry , im sorry , im sorry .

- im guilty , im guilty , im guilty , im guilty .

mind me of typing tt kay ?

okay , currently , im tagging , face-booking , chatting and going

to update my blog soon maybe ?

im so bored right now ~

Youuuuuuuuuuuu !

i need you to tutor me on my studies .

anything you're free , beep me .

Enjoy reading viewer's :D

; Much Love , Erah Kechyik .

2009-12-21T17:00:00.000+08:00

Blog under construction...

xD !

It Ends

2009-08-24T22:26:00.000+08:00

It end here and now.
I shall declare ma blog DEAD.
There will be no more updates from me.
Unless any,is not by any rights approved.
Thus,shall it be a dead-blog as of now.
Reason is mine to dismiss.

=0ff=

Post Moderation Subjection (Tralalalaa)

2009-08-14T15:26:00.000+08:00

Okaae... So i guess i betta start posting beofre otha people anyhow do it.. -__-'
Aye aye,soo wad shall i sae here.. hummmmmmmmm~

Its been long since ma last post,well...wae too long..
and alot has happned here in ma life..
i guess i culd sae ma silence speaks much of ma attitude..
lately i went thru harsh moments in life..well not all are harsh..
honestly,dere are also sweet moments..
as people mite sae,dere's alwaes a balance in things..
one part gud and another part sour...

lemme break it down atleast... here it goes...

afta she got attached,i lost her..well not entirely..
and not only her,but more.. i wont mention,i guess dey demselves noe who..
it was a silent week i recalled,pretty much peacefull..
just as i was enjoying it,life got me another punch-line..
as i expected,one by one came beck.. heh!
and yeah,as wad Enchik alwaes do,wuld welcome dem beck agaen...
so it went well beck agaen,and ummm,kinda got more complicated as well..
got ma emotions mixed up,in the process...
i thot i got over it,and promised not to went thru wif it animore..
but self-promisses juz neva hit me,and instead got hit me hard crash!
juz as i was trying to allow maself to learn,i was turned down and rejected..
kinda amusing to see maself beck den,still remember da pain..
i lowered down ma guard and dats wad will happen..
learn ma lesson very well beck dere... yeah,and it jus has to be the hard wae uh~

another approach of silence in life,dis time,from EVERYTHING...
and was longer den a week,shocking revelation it was actualie...
i adapt,as usual i filtered maself and dis tyme i make sure its THICK..
bring maself up and bought a new immunity..
juz as i thot i passed,dere comes ma past,suddenly pop ryte in front of me...
well,a guy like me,wad else wuld i do.. i absorb...
and i think i did a lil too much...and got hooked up...
yeh,wrong move...i noe,hilarious are'nt i..?
making mistakes afta mistakes,agaen and agaen..
and i juz HAVE to leanr it da HARD wae..
luckily dis time around i was mentaly and emotionaly prepared..
it only strike me by ma beck,not in da heart..
shield it off well,cause i already knew wads comming..

yes,i savour every moment of it,cant help to admit it..
ofcourse who wuld'nt..? its da memories dat creates who i was..
cherish every bits i culd and gobble it down hard ma throat!
sweet and poison,i noe its like drinking wine...
yeah,and in the end,i bounce maself ryte beck where i start...
here and agaen,left me off wif zero clue...

soo time passes,i just spent it wif games and got maself a new skill..
tho it may not be helpful much in life,i guess it will have its uses in future..
u may neva noe wad life has to offer from time-to-time...
i'd sae it was an adventure afta another,and it neva ends..
gets harder and higher,it'll neva perk and it'll just boost up and up..
so i juz climb and climb,run and run.. wind blows,yes,but i wont let it lure me..
i choose ma path,and i already made it clear,crystal clear to all..
and dey noe who i am now,and wad i really want..

im a think book,my bark is poison,ma bite is lust..
ma emotions devour,ma senses darkened,ma body wild..
i revive easily,i repel even further,i leap even higher..
i fall hard,i crack the ground,den i budge ma wae out..
i draw lines yellow,i paint the walls black,i dye ma heart white..
i wore a mask before,i threw it awae,i show maself now...
ma mind no longer controls me,ma hearts desires no longer affects me..
ma spirit roam lost freely,ma guts build inside me..
the aches still scars,the pain still dere,but immune i will be,
as i promised maself to be,neva agaen let it devour me..
alwaes cautions,alwaes aware,neva to trust,neva to judge..
let it be da wae it is,let it grow so slowly..
as time is an ally,and fate is enemy..
and god has his plans,
and i am prepared...

A new POST !!

2009-08-11T19:35:00.008+08:00

hey ~
im backk .
as in finally .
believe it or nottt ,
it is ME ,
MUHAMMAD !
YAAAA .

welll ,
things changed uh .
hahaha .
i will upload pix .
heee .

shes ugly plus nerd .
any takers ?

i like someone very much but i not sure of the feelings .
pfffft !
went out wif her on national day .
feel so welcome by her family .

hmm .
i have stop girl hunting .
heee .
hahaha .
it's soooo wrong .
hahaha .

it is a ghost writing about u .
like . D.U.H !
pfffft !
hmmm
i was told not to delete this post .
heh .

hey ~
pffft ~
dah....

And So She's Attached...

2009-02-24T21:48:00.000+08:00

~ARGH~

Friday 13th (2009)

2009-02-13T23:20:00.003+08:00

i was suppose to be bold and cunnig
strong yet courageous
but i wasn't
there i am,stood still upon that memoir
for over hours by hour
confused,uneasy,unwilling
remembering my promise that i made
to fight and survive
honor my word
to be a "somebody"
one day i will
or would i?
question by questions
leads no more to further mystery
complex and futile
i am no robot,no machine
human as i can be
devour my emotions i tried
failed at every thrust
swallow vain,anger,sorrow
despair it was
a path i shouldn't had asked
but i begged for
now suffer my consequences
shallow thru darkness
memories of past,it's all i have
gather them i might
but of what purpose
remembrance?
one shall not prevail
if one is haunted
by deep mistakes
that one once left
forgive and forget they say
easy yet only words
living the life brace facts unwind
totally outburst
uncontrollable i had become
bottled by time
ally betrayed
poets i carved
stories i forged
will i hope soon
that those surrounds me
knows the truth
in love am i?
personally,deli-ma

That Something I Still Feel

2009-01-22T15:16:00.003+08:00

"Never say 'I like you' if you don't care.
never talk about feelings if they're not there.
never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.

It's hard to live alone,
its hard to choose someone to love,
but the hardest part of falling
is to admit that you have fallen in love
with someone you didn't mean to love from the start...

We all want to fall in love.
Why? Because that experience
makes us feel completely alive.
Where every sense is heightened,
every emotion is magnified,
our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon.
But that doesn't diminish its value.
Because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives.

Love is not measured by how you feel,
but how you make the other person feel.

When traveling the path of life,
and finding love along the way,
everything looks new and different.
Little do you know it is the same old landscape
you used to see all of the time;
love has just given you new eyes.

GOD puts a certain person in our Lives for a Reason,
And whatever Reason that GOD
had in mind for putting you into mine...
I don't mind... I am just thankful HE did.

Love may mean taking chances, but their worth taking.

Love, is letting go of fear

So often we don't say 'I love you'
because we fear losing someone,
but more often we lose them
because we fear saying 'I love you'

If you love someone, tell them...
for hearts are often broken by words left unspoken."

it was posted frm sumone i knew,sumone special to me,once
but little dat i noe,how to read yet fill her
best belive dat perhaps sumbody is still waitin,eagerly
er just maybe the other wishes to deny facts of true feelings
matter the less of dis misfortune of mine
single as i may be,fer a long long tyme
doubt dat i wuld find true love agaen,honestly
surely tho,i missed da times,moments,infinity...

Happie Bdae Bonda n Wan

2009-01-18T21:18:00.002+08:00

okaaay..so today we celebrated bonda's n wan's bdae..
~woooot~
went over to clementi in da early afternoon,wif lots of stuffs
mcm2 uh,seriously...loads of it,including our oven -.-'
so reach dere,saw cik adi's new living room out look
kinda cool uh,cause look more defined
wif da 47' samsung flat screen..
bloody emperor-lookin-kinda-sofa..
damn freaky hi-fi set wif surround soud..
and best parr,da Wii..!!
waaah,i didnt expect an over 30yr old dude wuld buy such
hahaa.. not lyke im insultin him laa,but,mann~
apart frm dose gismos,to top on it,guess wad?..
Compaq CQ laptop.... sheeesh!
he bought just dat to connect to dat huge tv
(-.-)

okay2,enuf braggin,makes me more jealous...
we celebrate wif two steamboat pots,bbq,choco cake
=0 ~yeah~ =D
yum..yum..

den watch mathin n marzuq play da Wii,enthu sia..
den ahmad play Wii Fit,im lyke,LOL..!!
!!!damn hilarious!!!
den i play two games of dota since i bring ma lappie
salman learnt alot frm watchin,thus ahmad got intrested
haizZ..now da maskerteers plays dota..duhh~
so and so,got home by mahgrib..
and den.......
all three wanna use toilet cause cnnt tahan berak
and deres only two,so,me and salman got it ferst
ahmad was like screamin fer da use
damn funny,he cnnt tahan thus share toilet wif salman
hahahahha
and bonda was like..
"dorang share toilet ker share jamban"
~LOL~
satu umur 15 lagi satu umur 13
bagus lah tuh kan..dah tua2 gitu pon share jamban
hahaha!
well,da truth tk laa..dey didn't share toilet bowls la
but still both were in dere together..LoL
one bathing another make choc cake
-.-'

and...yeah,apart frm all dose,we had fun todae
once in a while,a sundae wif all my fams
get together wif dem,and ma lil cuzzies all
best uh,i kinda miss dem tho,huhuu..
lepas rinduku,hud n kiss dem all,,DEM ALL!!.. =D

one thang i learnt abt life todae,is to cherish wad u got
not all are wealthy n generous..
caring n understandin..
helpfull yet presistant..
defiying but honest..
obedient still naughty..
humm..life huh,unpredictable,lalalaa~
okay okay,end here,gotta off to bed b4 lappie kena confiscate
AGAEN......(haiz)

2009-01-07T22:14:00.002+08:00

dun blame me but hell yeah!!
i got over 50 pple on dis.. heeh..
it all started wih rhana givin me dis not weeks ago..
den i got bored,and start a hideous idea..
spread it like wild-fire!!
wooo0000oooohooo000oooo

"http://home.comcast.net/~wolfand/"

u guys out dere cn try it too,den da counts wuld be <50
=D ~lalallaaa~ =D

End Of 2008

2009-01-07T19:56:00.001+08:00

Allas..the tyme has come,end of 2008
anew came 2009... HELL YEAH!!!
dis year imma own..why??.. douche~
cause its gonna be da last year of teenage hood..
~huhuhuu~
nonetheless,also dis year,its gonna be totally different..
and i mean DIFFERENT..nid an example?.. sure..
i'll giv ya'll a series of sum.. here it comes!..

1-Nibiru is gettin closer to Earth
2-Ya'll see me becomin more geeky
3-Earth wuld spin slower den usual dis year around
4-Desperately needs $$$ to cover up sum "stuff"
5-More food enters ma stomach..
(cause ma lil bro is dang heavier den me now)
6-Ofcourse,become more n more 'GAY'
7-Get a car license maybe?... -.-'
8-Achive betta results..(GPA nk konok)
9-Perhaps try to be a lil more rational in life
10-Become sumone dat sumbody wants me to be...
11-Chill out more~
12-Figure up ma body..(chey)
13- A NEW MAN

One And Only

2008-12-30T22:00:00.000+08:00

okaaay..i noe its been like,dang long since my last post..
~huhuu~
cant help it tho..i just got no motivation to blog animore..
but den still,atleast dis one wuld do fer the entire month?
lalalaa...

aye,here it goes..
dis month..crazy~crazy one.. seriously..
got stucked up,puched at,blasted with,screwed up wif and enjoyed it!!
stucked up wif few close gals in ma life.. a lil bit more bonding we share..
yeaah,tho a few dosent last long.. but hey,pple cum pple go..
dats life eih?.. cant help it but i was glad dere was once in a while..
heex.. like a fantasy.. all FIVE came at once...!!
punched at was a few anger moments i have..dun wanna discuss datt..
blasted with is...wad culd i sae,shout,i mean YELLED out loud..
(hehehe) those who noes,noes.. wadeva laaaa...
screwed up,is..uhh..more like "kena sai"... dorts!!
do sumtin stupid and u get caught,wad else culd life possibly even up on ya..
-.-'

enjoyed it,well,wad wuld be more rewardin den NOT WERKIN on hols..
yeaaaaah~ i seriously wanna do more outings wif peeps..
play more DOTA.. have more dates... lalalalaa...
atleast,enjoyed it more den eva.. get wad i mean??..

okaaaay..soo,wad else am i missing here.. hummm..
ohhh yea~ the 13th tyme.. hummm.. got it over n done wif..
kinda cool u noe,to target sumone,den analyse dem..
and when ur ready enuf will u tell dem wads ur plan n stuff..
blah blah blah..sounds lame,but heyy!! life is always plannin ryte?..
duhh...... who wuld comply to dat..

eitherwae,imma gonna rebuild ma blog soon..
fer those i havent relink yet,hold on..
i need to change dis romantic background..
put up a new song..humm,wonder wad wuld be nice..
and jyeaah!.. start postin more next year..
2009..lookin forward to it uh.. 0_0'

2008-11-20T20:55:00.001+08:00

baaaaaaaaah...
no motivation to blog dese days..
wads fer sure,just so i noe..
i got a target set but unconfirmed..
yett still,i require tyme to expand itself..
and more colours to be shown..
thus,weaknesses is revealed...
0_0'

"The Zone"

2008-11-07T23:03:00.003+08:00

i'd say things dat drives meanings to sensess
words converted from actions
imaginations dat craves reality
i'd say so many to myself,it makes me realise
that im only human,more than ever
Who..What..Why..When..How..Where
are all the little factors dat applies
through thi most simplest things
to the most complex of all
no matter,it all relates to ONE
Values dat one was nurtured from
to one dat develop through influence
Skills dat one learn honestly
to oneself adapt out of their own
Personalities dat was groom since young
apart from one copies to copies
all dese factors of life
leads me nowhere and to no end
seems like i'm seeking answers
but to what extend of questions do i ask
lost and grief,lust and temptation
fun and humor,joys and laughter
anger and hate,fear and robust
emotions of dese i tried to erase
i tried to kill,eats me inside
but hopefully soon,i shall once again
remain strong and vigilant
as i'd always had,as i'd wish to be
cause when i speak poet of ma mind
im in "The Zone"

Historyment

2008-11-03T18:29:00.002+08:00

izzit just me er posting dis darn blog just gets complicatingly easy..??
okaay.. so yeah,i havent beem updatin fer like AGES.. LoL.. here i goo..
Life recently been verry interesting.. over the past events,moral values,
life lessons,experiments & experiencess counts to its every bit..
yeaah,through losses people learn and through enjoyment people appreciate..
i wuld say that i had mature even more den before..? humm,define it..? well..

i appreciate new music dat i wuld neva tot i wuld be listening..
i made mistakes evry single day and realizing it to extend..
i grief in silence and neva shed a tear tho the loss is huge..
i gain life moments to its numbers dat eliminates unnecessary..
and yeaah,i made new frens..tho dey come and go... Laaaaaaaa~

yeaaah~ dats about most of it.. huhuhuuu.. =0

LOST

2008-10-28T22:23:00.000+08:00

...a lost...i lost ma aunt...

Week Of Torment

2008-09-13T23:34:00.008+08:00

Sunday
The day before my C&N exam paper...wooosh!
i studied like crazy.. hell time.. about 5 hours a day...
Tho i was a lil confident upon doing it butt..... -.-'
okay,still i have to be sure about it,thus i 'chong'

Monday
and thus its the day itself...and the tension was high met Ferril and Khai in the morn,revise a lil wif TT got more den enuf to push all dose 'theories' in ma head i felt like ma head was a tickin time bomb,ever to explode and when the paper is infront of ma face,i open n flip thru GOSH...it was superb! i was shiverin in exictment =0 it was as if i culd ace the darn paper mann~ (hehe)

Tuesday
and so its Tues,the same click went out to studied at Esplanade library we're like the regulars..haha,and the security guard gave us the look -.-' and out of the blue a hot 'chick' arrived.. MAMUN!! =D so much fer Khai's suspen.. sheesh. but tho we revised,it seems more like we care less haaaax,i guess everyone's agree dat DP&A is dang hard to score like hell,even the teacher gave us probs... wad da hey!

Wednesday
so it comes where the last paper for the semester...we(the same click),arrived early to do last minute revisions ended up all slackin at cafe 3...(LoL) all no motivation,we noe dat we had no hope on it -.-' but still we pushed on,i did... haizz... atleast i picked up K-map and Boolen expression thanks to Khai..[nk harap kn Ferril dier tk pandai ajar..] BAGA thus the moment the paper was opened,it was FEAR all the way... the road to 'D'...... (kesarkh'...) (*_*)'

Thursday
yeahhh~ and so the day of no more muggings arrive.. yeah~yeah.. Wooo000oooHooo000ooo!!!...
in the morn was up early,just to start a fresh holiday mood GAME was a big subject as of now.. (muahahahahaa) did'nt even have the tyme to blog... =P had maself satisfied just because the examinations are over now to enjoy..heeh! =D in the afternoon went down to Hillgrove fer FB.. shock to see soo lil attendence... even downstruck to hear a bloody-hell news...!!! darn,thus problem arise,and ma head spins agaen.. dat night after terawih went to resolve the situation i spoke ma mind out to him...told him a few stuffs... and yeah,i just hope i said enuf,and sooo.....

Friday

had an early morning..hahaa
went to Ferril's place fer a short WAR.. (hehe) addiction to a new revolutionary WAR.. wooooooo!.. den rushed ma wae home to mit up wif sumone also nid to get rid of ma sofa..got anew SOFA-BED which ma mum now enjoys lying on all the tyme... -.-' there after in arnd midnight had another intensive WAR.. mann~ life is always WAR huhh... =D

Saturday
yeah its a weekend finally...woooosh,and i aint werking today yett..
sengaja bab nk buka luar wif peeps.. heex!! =P
but then,dad and fam ajak keluar makan at Hotel Restaurant at JB..
could have ikot but NOPE... i already planned wif ma dudes ferst
soo yeah... too bad i missed the "all you can eat" -.-'
which AHMAD must had ENJOYED it too much.. LoL
the was out late,nasib smpi Tong Seng ader tempat.. shoosh!
ate mee won ton,gerek per~,i tried sumting new... haha
thereafter,went walk2 in circle... baga ferril!!...
dat tkper...main DoTa,and Faizal is a No0b...
Lalalalalala,partnered wig Qam againts the 3 fags
ofcourse we both lost to Khai n Fer,(wif pejal)... -.-'
haizz,if only i had a stronger manpower... haizz!

Sunday
sooo finally the day to werk comes....!!! =0
hehex,reached early as usual...tried not to be late walaupon was almost late!!
haaaaaa,ferst met Kai Lo0n,he was shocked to see mie.. gimme the face!
den Jane,haaa!! lagi big her smile at me.. wahahaha...
Jimmy was darn LATE...!! was waiting outside the shop till almost 11am
shop was suppose to be already opened by 10.45am frm wad i noe...
mann,many changes was made in the showroom....... -.-'
i dun even noe where to put ma dang bag...(hehehe)
yeah,so and so arrives....sheeesh,dun like her face bt still okay laaa
and when Julian arrives,he gave me a bloody HUG...wahahahahha
massive!! gay and i noe it he misses me!! heeex.. =D
yeah,i asked him fer tips as usual..got to absorb all in 1 hour..
the ferst costumer asked fer the bloodiest stupid qns
how i recalled 'dem' asking fer such things like...
Video camera,Speakers,MP3s,Softwares,and the best...DIRECTIONS!!!
wad the heyy,aru ferst day nie mama dah tanyer maner 173,like waddd..???
how wuld i noe,beh i said "huh?,i dunoe"...and to cover her paisey
she asked wads the price fer the laptop under my nose... -.-'
actualie i dunnoe i just hentam $2999... LoL
beh jalan...BAGA!!! sheeesh.... =0
4 hrs after i started,a malay fam asked fer a laptop
i wasnt sure if dey're willing tpo buy but i just entertained
and yeahhhh......STRIKE ONE BEBEH...!!!! score................
GP 140 laaa sia... woooohoooo... and dats $20 comm!!
uhuh!! ohh yeah~ i earned baby... butt..............
Jane sold two..haizz..even better,Jimmy got Three!!
den Julian handled FIVE laptops at one goo...kesian seii
Kai Lo0n sold FOUR..??!! and pluss the best off alll.....
Julian hit the top shot of the day,wif 400 GP..!! just 2 high-end models!!
when the freak did he even searve a customer seyy..??
both one customer summore!! king kiang hiaa... sheeesh!
and to end the day dere,i had to SWEEP THE FLOOR...!!!
my bloody ferst day sia,Jimmy kesarkh!! even Julian pitty mee..
haaaaaa,but dey all crank me up...especially JULIAN WONG!!...
he's fav qoute.."mampus saya,stress gini maciam~" LoL

How i Wish...

2008-09-06T21:28:00.004+08:00

how i wish...
i could soar the sky high
how i wish...
if i could surf the ocean wide
how i wish...
that i dash dozen times around the globe
how i wish...
that life that is pure and white
how i wish...
darkness would dwell under moonlight
how i wish...
on every possibilities i am a wonder

the sun brightens the world
when moon enlightens the portion
where lightning cracks the sky
which wind blew life its way
upon rain that washes memories away

how i wish...
if life was not what it seems
how i wish...
if only that one more chance
how i wish...
suffer turns to faith
how i wish...
love leave fate
how i wish...
just how,i wish

~FastinG~

2008-09-02T22:37:00.002+08:00

And the third day of fasting will come..
long way to go till Hari Raya...
and i'm freaking hungry all the time
bahh... (-.-)'

okay okay.. recap about wadever happens last few days
didn't manage to post due to lagging of internet connection
i wonder why... argh!!
and also,on the ferst nyte of buka sumtin happened
out of an orange moon,yeaaaa~ "sunnah"
was quite a cheerful conversation,had catch-ups and all
lalalalalalalalalalala...... time passes sooo fast
wad's sugoi about it,'she' rides a BIKE... dang~
it was seriously unexpected,i neva even tot dat wuld proceed
sheeesh..an im still here bragging about when im gonna get ma licenses
aaaargh...almost all ma peeps got theirs...haiz~
i guess sum people were fortunate enuff...well,yeahh.
im patient enuf,i'll wait fer mine.. (soon)
aniwaes,besides datt,exams next week
and imma cramping every bites i have in ma brain
every slot unwasted,unattended,PACKED
i absorb like a sponge mann~ -.-'
~GAMBATEH NEH~

Fasting Begins

2008-08-31T22:57:00.002+08:00

And thus fasting month has begun...
one word for it; Laaaaaaaaaah~
(-.-)'

okay okay.. i know,as a muslim
i gotta do my responsibilities to God
soo,yeah...lets get 'hype' about it
~LoL~

2008-08-30T23:34:00.003+08:00

The days passed,as it does
i learn new things,purpose of life
like how it flows or how it dies
how life affects and how life infects
how truth matters alot more than facts
why actions speaks louder than words can
should us as family stand by each other's side
if we were to fall,how hard would it impact
life may be cruel and harsh all the time
tho no matter much it's still meaningful
enough to satisfy our means and needs
if we open up our hearts to more than our wants
needs become fluent and craves and temptation is invisible

so let us learn the way of life
that it is a character to all of us
that our families and friends plays a role
that character and personalities are built
through influence and love
that is what i learnt this week... =]

Chocolate Cone From Heaven

2008-08-28T19:47:00.007+08:00

Chocolate Cone From Heaven!!!

ahaax..datt was the best ice-cream i've tasted soo far..
heeh.. mom got it from her principal as a teacher's day gift
and so does her son,ME,receive a consolation.. haha!
well apart from datt sensational taste..a bitter one was brought by
found out about the news info..mann~
only my reaction was kept secretly to heart
tho i understand wads like to be in such position but still yeah
i still wish all the best and hopefully,no tragedies would come forth
and so also i found a new lesson in life
datt sumtimes,love plays an important role to a person
no matter how much one would impact
the aftermath still counts,even means a scar
either its big er small,deep er unwound
yet..the common thing about scars,is that it'll leave a mark
a mark datt either one remembers fer life
er just forget as dust blew time away
but we all know which is much favored
still..mines stands. -.-'

Too Tired

2008-08-27T21:46:00.004+08:00

i am just too tired dese days...
-.-'
absorbing almost everything on ma studies
cramping every single bites i have in dis empty slot
imma almost full.. dangs!
okay okay.. i noe exams in two weeks tyme..
bahh!.. im already pullin up ma socks sky-high
i just hope i could pass wif flying colours..
if not an A,atleast a minimum of B..
chek-kerschio... =0

If I Just Lay Here

2008-08-26T20:41:00.005+08:00

If i just lay here..
would you lie with me and just forget the world

Today like any other day
same... boring...
bahh..i dun even noe wad to type
hummm..
okay okay,had another WAR just now..
turned out awesome
we tried sumting new(hehe)
besides dat,dere was a class test
and amaizingly,i have the confidence dat i'll pass!!
wooosh~
well,ultimately i have to wait fer the results tho
sooo...see how laa ekh..
limit-limit,enuf to breathe ma ass off
...bahh...