Encyclopedia Black

INVENTIONS THAT NEED TO BE INVENTED

2009-12-20T11:03:00.003-05:00

So I'm sitting here preparing to write my final exam essay for government, and am feeling more than a little uninspired. So I think I came up with something that could inspire me and millions of lazy people worldwide. A Tone-Loc Motivational Doll.

Basically it would be a 12 inch doll, in the image of Tone-Loc. The doll would say "Let's do it" like at the beginning of "Wild Thing" when you pulled a string or pushed a button or squeezed its head; however those things work. I think this is what the world needs: Tone-Loc as some sort of patron saint of inspiration. Maybe if J.D. Salinger had one of these, he'd come out of hiding. Maybe if Mos Def had one of these, he'd give the world another Black On Both Sides. Maybe if JaMarcus Russell had one of these he wouldn't make people forget about Ryan Leaf.

THE LATEST ADDITION TO THE FAMILY...

2009-11-26T22:29:00.005-05:00

Got these about a month ago. I think sneakers have replaced that compulsion I had growing up trying to find records/CDs and Star Wars action figures (yes, very nerdy). I think the Internet killed my desire to hunt down music. I mean actually leaving my bedroom to hunt it down. (Strangely though, I think I'm still looking for new stuff, just not actually going into stores.) Star Wars figures...well, I think we can think George Lucas for ruining my desire to pursue Star Wars figures, though I'll have fond memories of the pre-Jar Jar Binks Era. So I moved on to sneakers.

These are Air Maxims, merging the classic look of the Air Max 1 with the Flywire technology. The past meeting the future.

The sad part of all this...can't wear them till next spring. To have something so beautiful marred by the wintry New England grit and slush, would be a crime.

Thanks to Goliath for having these on sale for a criminally low price and to Dallas Penn for alerting my of said sale.

PULLING A BONO

2009-11-12T17:55:00.004-05:00

I write words about things for another site called Forces of Geek. Today, in my piece , I wrote about a phenomenon that I like to call "pulling a Bono." I wrote about how Kid rock often pulls a Bono at VH1's Hip Hop Honors." What does it take to pull a Bono you ask? I left it to a professional to definite it...my good friend The Wolf. The Wolf calls it like he see it, defining it as where an artist.

When asked for a definition, he specifically referred to Bono's commentary in the Shane MacGowan documentary The Great Hunger. The Wolf said Bono thinks he's "making some 'deep' comment about that artist’s talent." Furthermore, The Wolf said he "thinks of (Bono) as sort of an uber-famous and rich hipster…who ruins things I would otherwise enjoy with his stupid comments and less-than-stellar observations, thereby decreasing their awesomeness." That sums it up perfectly. To play devil's advocate, I'd like to add that I think Bono in all his majesty is probably being sincere when he pulls his eponymous move. However, this doesn't make it right. It's a lot like high school when I found out all the jocks were really into Rage Against The Machine. It kind of made RATM a little less special in my eyes which pushed me further into getting into hardcore, namely Inside Out. When your personal taste gets tainted by the wrong crowd, it puts a damper on things.

Examples of pulling a Bono:

Bonus: Eddie Vedder pulls a Bono while inducting The Ramones into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

REALLY, DR. DRE? SERIOUSLY?

2009-10-13T13:29:00.003-04:00

I know I don't post often but every now and then something gets my proverbial goat.

Instead of releasing the greatest record that has never come out, Detox, Dr. Dre is adding an overpriced laptop which you can buy along with his overpriced headphones. Frankly, I don't care if Detox never comes out. I really don't. Maybe he should just concentrate on ~~doing steroids~~ working out and lay off the music. If he worked on that instead of bodybuilding, maybe he'd have a record out.

Dr. Dre, laptop, still no detox via Nah Right.

A reminder of when Dr. Dre was relevant (at least to me)

FOG: DRAKE IS STILL CORNY

2009-09-24T13:37:00.001-04:00

http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2009/09/drake-forever-feat-kanye-west-lil-wayne.html

FOG-Summer Jams

2009-08-13T13:51:00.000-04:00

http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2009/08/summer-jams.html

SMARTEN UP, NAS?

2009-07-31T11:44:00.002-04:00

And you thought "Ether" was brutal.

I Date You So Much Right Now from jeff on Vimeo.

Courtesy of Itsthereal.com

FORCES OF GEEK: DRAKE-THE BEST I EVER HAD WTF?

2009-07-30T18:50:00.002-04:00

Another Forces of Geek post. This time about Next Big Thing Drake's "Best I Ever Had" video.

SHOCK THE NATION, LIKE THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION

2009-07-23T14:13:00.003-04:00

Found this video at Nah Right. Wu-Tang+Lego=dopeness.

Wu-Tang Lego: Da Mystery of Chessboxin' from davo on Vimeo.

BORN AT THE RIGHT TIME/NICE HOE COLLECTION

2009-05-11T11:00:00.005-04:00

I know. I'm a bad blogger. I've been busy, but that's no excuse. I found the following video on Nahright. It reminds me how entertaining the fan video can be. Usually, they're pretty good because you see how a fan interpreted a song or how they would have shot the video different. Sometimes though, it's just a bunch of jackass kids (no Steve-O). This makes me glad I was born when I was. I have a feeling if I had come up in this Youtube generation, I would have ended up making a video, if not several, like this one. Sure, it seems fun at the time, but then you end up being an adult and your adolescent follies are captured...on the Internet...forever and ever.

That said, this is fuckin' funny.

One, the kid looks like the bastard son of my friend Jared and McLovin of Superbad fame. If two men could make a baby, this would be him. (Hypothetically, I assume you could make a clone of the two Serpentor-style but...never mind. Let me just tuck my nerd back into its hole.)

Two, the ho(e) collection. Even though there are no actual hoes in the collection, I got the joke. Well played, young one.

Three, the McNabelovin clone lip-synching about having sex. There's comedy in itself.

Four, the extra wearing a Rashad McCants Timberwolves jersey. Not a UNC McCants jersey but Timberwolves jersey. Apparently, they were out of Michael Olowokandi jerseys.

Here it is.

FORCES OF GEEK: WAITING FOR THE GOD...

2009-02-05T19:47:00.002-05:00

http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2009/02/waiting-for-god.html

TEEN WOLF SNEAKERS

2009-02-02T18:13:00.002-05:00

Teen Wolf sneakers...seriously....amazing...seriously.

Forces of Geek

2009-01-30T10:00:00.001-05:00

Yeah, so I'm writing a weekly column over here now...which is good if you feel like you're being neglected on this blog and by you...I mean the one follower I have.

http://www.forcesofgeek.com

AND I THOUGHT PATRIOTS FANS WERE BABIES.....

2009-01-25T15:35:00.002-05:00

Imagine if you had to root for the Oakland Raiders for 16 games a year. Now, that is some sad shit. Not a team that had the greatest comeback in the history of the Super Bowl, but a team that seems like The Bad News Bears...if The Bad News Bears were millionaires who worked for an insane old man. Or a Knicks fan where you try to dredge up the glory years in your memories to remind yourself it wasn't always like this. Or a Mets fan where you start counting down the days to an epic collapse, the minute that the first pitch is thrown on Opening Day.

This reminds me of that scene in The Godfather where Don Corleone screams "You can act like a man."

Stop your blood clot crying.

STICK-UP KIDS ARE STILL OUT TO TAX......

2009-01-17T12:26:00.004-05:00

Seriously. Anyone who has watched Eddy Curry play basketball knows that he's a cream puff. He's puppy paw soft (word to 40). So to think that he sexually harassed someone is RIDICULOUS. He has never ever showed the slightest amount of aggression on the court, lest it be mistaken for effort and justify his absurd $8,000,000 salary.

Curry's accuser, David Kuchinsky, is a former felon. I'm not saying people can't change, but it doesn't lend to his credibility. My favorite part (and the most far-fetched part of this story) is where Curry would stand nude in front of Kuchinsky and say "Come and touch it, Dave." That just seems ridiculous. It sounds like something you'd say to a girl when you're fifteen. I'm just curious how many future fantasy sports teams will be dubbed "Come And Touch It, Dave." (Note to self for next week's trivia team)

My guess is that Kuchinsky saw an easy mark in Curry because...he's Eddy Curry, the poor man's Michael Olowokandi. Curry, already a victim of a home invasion a few years ago, is probably still a little shook. I imagine the shakedown went like this.

Kuchinsky: Give me two million.

Curry: What? No.

Kuchinsky: Give me two million or I'm going to make up the weirdest stuff and have your face splashed all over The Post and The Daily News.

Curry: No.

Kuchinsky: Have it your way.

Kuchinsky probably just thought to play up Curry's cream puff status and intimate that Curry is a closeted homosexual. In the post-John Amaechi era, maybe he figured he'd ruin Curry's career (a feat Curry has achieved on his own), maybe get to write a book about his life as the chauffeur of a closeted NBA player.

An underachieving, salary cap vampire with a heart problem (in every sense)? Yes. Sexual harasser? (Or should I say his-asser? Thank you. I'll be here all week. I just flew in from Israel and, boy, are my arms tired.) Probably not. But it still makes for an interesting story line to the love/hate relationship the New York Knickerbockers organization has developed with their fans these last few disastrous years.

Wait. I wonder if there's a morals clause that can get Curry released for his alleged antics. If there is, sign me up for Team Kuchinsky.

ADIOS, 2008

2008-12-31T10:01:00.003-05:00

By far, my favorite musical moment of 2008.

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

MTV's BABY (like a fetus) STEPS TO REDEMPTION....

2008-12-28T11:19:00.003-05:00

While enjoying Xmas cheer with my family, I got to watch all those MTV spinoff channels that I don't get in New Haven. So imagine my surprise that MTV Jams (really? the best thing you can call your urban music video channel?) was playing the video for Wale's "Nike Boots" and The Cool Kids' "Delivery Man." Can't believe they took time off of playing that Plies' video where he talks about being in love and that Young Jeezy video where he says "Yeaaahhhh" a bunch of times. While "Nike Boots" is a pretty old song, it's still a good look for Wale to get some exposure. It's little things like this that make those silver linings.

MTV Jams: 98% garbage, 2% quality.

BYE-BYE, ENDY. HELLO, PUTZ.

2008-12-15T23:49:00.002-05:00

Mets outfielder Endy Chavez was traded last week to Seattle for reliever J.J. Putz. While I don't know a lot about Putz, I hear he's supposed to be a definite upgrade from the usual revolving door of game-blowers [II]. Despite not being the greatest of ballplayers, he always played with a lot of heart and effort which is a rarity these days. Mostly, I'll remember him for giving my most recent Mets memory that didn't make me want to Sylvia Plath myself. That amazing catch that made me think the Mets were destined to go to the World Series. (Carlos Beltran and his immobile bat had different plans). So bye-bye, Endy. Thanks for the memories.

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?vid=b0869358-5f43-48f0-bc19-fee9c82bbacd" target="_new" title="Endy Chavez's leaping catch">Video: Endy Chavez's leaping catch</a>

Remember Me?

2008-12-12T21:38:00.002-05:00

What I've been up to:

-work (gotta get paid)

-School (get your learn on)

-realizing being a sports fan (Knicks, Mets and *sigh* Raiders) will probably put me in an early grave. I may want to start smoking cigarettes....laced with crack. That would probably save me the heartache. At least that way, I'd know how it would end.

-trying to figure out which is the best record I've heard all year. (Yeah, I still call them records) It's between Nas' Untitled, The Roots' Rising Down and Kanye West's 808s and Heartbreak. Each one brings something different to the table, but lacks something that another one has. I also really liked Wale's The Mixtape About Nothing. I'll get into these later. (No really. I won't disappear again. Seriously. Honest. Pinky swear)

-meeting up with fellow bloggers and wearers of fine footwear (a.k.a. Sneaker Fiends) Dallas Penn and Grand Master.

-Realized I don't care if Dr. Dre's Detox ever comes out. While Dr. Dre is a super-producer, legend, (insert your favorite term of endearment here), I really don't care. I don't think he's made a beat that I've really liked since The Chronic. Wait, I liked "Next Episode" and "Still D.R.E." I think it could be as underwhelming as Chinese Democracy. Only Built 4 Cuban Linx 2? That's another story.

That's enough for now. Tune in tomorrow, where I'll post two days in a row.

WHEN DID TOM SELLECK START PLAYING FOR THE YANKEES?

2008-06-29T10:42:00.002-04:00

I'm a little out of the baseball loop but it appears Jason Giambi has grown quite the Selleck-esque mustache. Not quite sure what that's all about. Hopefully, this will lead to him wearing matching leather vest and hat a la the biker from The Village People.

PARDON THE INTERRUPTION

2008-05-29T22:22:00.003-04:00

I know I haven't blogged in awhile. I've been busying finishing the semester, being poor, starting a new job, packing/moving.

Things will resume in June.

Coming in June: My (ahem) tardy review of Rising Down, a piece on Dr. Dre's "The Chronic" and whatever else rolls around my brain.

@Robbi: Don't take it personally. I don't. I'm lethally sarcastic. I'm sure you're very talented and my words don't mean that much to you. Good luck with Google. (I kid)

MISS RAP SUPREME: EPISODE 2

2008-04-27T21:11:00.004-04:00

So I missed the end of last week's episode. Like I predicted, Lionezz got booted. But hold up. Khia got caught recycling a rhyme from one of her albums. (Honestly, I don't think Serch really recognized that from one of her CDs. Come on. Really, now. Serch does not own a Khia CD.) While not only a violation, iSerch exposed Khia as a one-hit wonder who couldn't write under pressure. Anyway, Khia gets the boot and Lionezz is reinstated. Khia seems relieved to go. Unfortunately, I don't think they really made her do the walk of shame out of the Fembassy with the official "Step Off" stamp of disapproval. Probably because she might have pulled a boxcutter. While she made for great train-wreck TV, I think she diluted the competition because she wasn't really giving it her all. When you write "My Neck, My Back" you can kind of coast through anything, I guess.

Serch and Yo-Yo make the contestants compete in a tracksuit competition where they have to design their own tracksuit. While entertaining, this doesn't really have much to do with actual mic skills, so it seems kind of trivial.

Back to the music, the ladies are split into teams and have to collaborate to write a sexy club-type track that will be performed in a club. Byata captains a team of Rece, Bree and Chiba. Miss Cherry heads up a squad of Nicky2States, D.A.B., Lionezz and Lady Twist. Miss Cherry drops the ball which is shocking considering I have her in my final four. It seems like Ms. Cherry has lost her arch-rival, so she kind of feels like a Batman with no Joker. She'll pull it together after this. Ms. Cherry's team also seemed a little thrown back by having to perform the "so seductive" song in front of a lesbian audience. Despite this wrench in the works, D.A.B. delivers an impressive performance. On the flip side, Byata's team's choreography kind of broke apart, but the team still pulled off a strong showing. It was kind of like a busted play in football. Byata even flubs her words, but she kept it moving and acted like nothing happened. She's got superstar status.

Byata's team gets the win, but this leads to some friction between her and Chiba for no real reason. Just drama. Drama aside, I feel like the competition is heating up. As Serch always screams "This is not a game" and I think it's becoming quite apparent. While I initially I wasn't sure about this, the competitive angle is starting to run neck and neck with the campy side of this show.

Elimination Round. Topic: what turns you off.

Nicky2States: while usually known as one of the more charismatic characters with a gift for profanity, she spits a tame sixteen about how she can only be herself. Kind of reminiscent of some poetry from the diary of a 14 yr old girl (c) David Cross. While this showed her vulnerable side and impressed Serch, I think she took the easy road on that one. Usually, she reminds me of a female DMX. Not this time.

Lady Twist: The dark horse. Storyteller verse. Pretty much the best of the elimination round. If she doesn't make the final four, I'll be amazed.

Lionezz: While she seems more confident and more "in it to win it" since her resurrection, she needs to step out of battle mode. I feel like the language barrier
keeps her from understanding the context of the rhyme assignments.

Ms. Cherry: Drops the ball AGAIN. She stumbles over her words again. Poor showing from another of my projected final four. I think this will be the wakeup call because she was a hair away from getting the boot.

D.A.B.: Half-whispering her rhymes but then losing her train of thought in the middle. I think being picked last for every challenge may have shook her confidence which is too bad because during the club performance she nailed it.

Ultimately, D.A.B.'s stumble was worse than Miss Cherry's.

The battle continues...

DJ PREMIER SPEAKS...

2008-04-20T23:46:00.004-04:00

Primo. DJ Premier's nickname pretty much sums up the man in two syllables. Is he the greatest producer ever? Possibly. In the top 3 producers ever? Easily.

With that said, I always like to read or find out how artists create their works, what inspires them, how they develop certain pieces, et cetera. (I'm a nerd like that.) A German hip-hop site has an MP3 of DJ Premier talking about the stories behind some of his classics like "Words I Manifest," "Nas Is Like" and others. It really shows the difference between an artist and someone who puts out music. (There is a difference.) Also, there's a bittersweet tale of how he found out about the passing of Big L.

Enjoy.

DJ Premier-14 Deadly Secrets mixed by DJ Derezon & Illfated Tre

Via spinemagazine.com

EGO TRIP'S MISS RAP SUPREME SHOW

2008-04-15T11:50:00.003-04:00

I'm sure all the cool kids live-blogged ego trip's "Miss Rap Supreme" last night with their fancy cable television, DVRs and such. Well, here at EB headquarters, we're not on the cutting edge. No siree. I had to go to VH1's website to watch it. Anyway, let's get to it.

MC Serch is back again, along with Yo-Yo, to host this show. The preliminary elimination round is done pageant style where they each have to do a sixteen bar verse. From that round here's my take on the contestants in the preliminary round.

-Miss Cherry: From the South. Sixteen bars were okay.

Rece Steele-From the Bronx. Raps in that on-the-corner-cipher style. (See any "Smack" DVD)

-Nicky2States: A little too hardcore with no real direction in her verse. But not really hardcore (like M.O.P.) but just lot of cursing. Has been rapping for a year. That's more than obvious.

-Lionezz: German. Can see language barrier being a problem.

-Fabrisha Dankins: White hipster from Brooklyn (my guess is Williamsburg). Uses a tambourine to keep beat). Also in her verse, she uses "challah" but pronounces the "ch." The "ch" in challah is pronounced "kuh" sound crossed with a coughing up phlegm sound. I know I'm being overly technical but these things matter....like when Greg Nice said "Dizzy Gillespie plays the sax" in "Funky For You." (*sidenote: Being white and choosing Fabrisha Dankins which you know isn't her real name, kind of sounds like nominal blackface. It's like if I was going to law school and changed my Moshe Goldblattstein. I'm just saying)

-Chiba: Pretty good verse. Reminds me of Left Eye. Ironically, she damaged her left eye in a car accident.

-Bree: Feminem. Not quite G-Child but along those lines.

-Hedonis Da Amazon: Gave the verse "handing out free abortions." Gets my vote.

-Robbi: Rhymed like someone reading Dr. Seuss on too much 'tussin.

-Byata: Wait. I think I've heard her before. She was on that Think Differently: Wu-Tang comp a few years back. She's Russian, from Brooklyn and so far, is my pick to win it all.

-Lady Merk The Black Russian: While I don't know if she's an actual black Russian, she is black and does rap in Russian...the entire time. Hopefully, they will pair her up with Byata to do "Ebony & Ivory (Russian Rap Remix)."

-Lady Twist: Has a Twista-like delivery but adds a Bone Thugs style melody. She should make the cut.

-D.A.B: Used to be addicted to heroin and has a trouble past.

-Khia: Thought it was pronounced Kia, like the car. You would think having a hit single (not to be confused with a good song) would eliminate you from the competition but there she is. I hope this doesn't take away from her blogging time.

-Miss CKC: Horrible but funny. But not that funny that you could stomach 12 episodes of her.

The 10 finalists: Ms. Cherry, Rece Steele, Nicky2States, Lionezz, Chiba, Bree, Byata, Lady Twist, D.A.B. and Khia.

My picks: Ms. Cherry, Chiba, Byata and Lady Twist.

Other random notes:

-Nicky2States is not very good. Next to the German chick, who doesn't speak English that well, she's the worst rapper.

-Nicky2States also blessed us with the quote during a drunken game of "Truth Or Dare": "Alcohol makes you let down your prohibitions." It also makes you lose your inner thesaurus.

-Two near-catfights. One due to Ms. Cherry calling out Khia for being a one-hit wonder. The other between D.A.B. and Nicky2States just on out and out bitchery. I have a feeling this may be "Flavor Of Love....of The Mic."

-The German chick will probably be the first one booted due to her lack of knowing the language. Example: "You're the reason I keep it feminine/People don't call you "lady"/They call you an ugly gentleman." Stick to rhyming in German and you'll be huge...in Germany...like Hasselhoff.

As for the episode, the challenge to rap in front of sistas/sisters was interesting. They sent one team to a beauty shop, mostly consisting of older women, in South Central LA and another to a sorority house. The team who got the beauty shop one because Ms. Cherry had the sense to write an empowering hook focused on women, so they connected with their audience. The sorority house team, led by Nicky2States, had no game plan which is probably why they failed...miserably.

In the elimination round, where they had to write about women or the strength of women or something like that, everyone does so-so. Most of them missed the point. Khia continues the beef with Ms. Cherry by glaring at her during her verse about respect. More or less, Lionezz will be the first to go. Her elimination round verse was bad. Plus she stopped right in the middle. (ESL classes. Get your English on.) The cliffhanger ending leaves us wondering who will get the axe. Guess we'll find out next week.

POSSE IN EFFECT

2008-04-04T23:42:00.003-04:00

Here's a visual for the audio from on DallasPenn.com. Black Eye Boom Bap Posse Rap Cage Match .

While I can't find all the videos, here's a sampling.

The Juice Crew - The Symphony

Sometimes, I wonder if they should have sued Mario Van Peebles for biting the black cowboy idea he used in Posse. Then again...

EPMD feat. K-Solo and Redman - The Headbanger

What happened in the 90s where every video had to be filmed in an abandoned warehouse/factory, with fire and baseball bats and chains and dogs barking? For the most part, everyone stopped smiling and started scowling.

Craig Mack feat. Notorious B.I.G., Rampage, LL Cool J and Busta Rhymes - Flava In Ya Ear (remix)

Honestly, I can turn it off right after Biggie's verse. I can't imagine anyone thinking "I can top that." This must be like finding out your ex-girlfriend dated Peter North.

Things this video makes me glad about:
-visors going out of style (for the most part)
-no more Puffy dances in videos
-Biggie

Things I don't like:
-LL Cool J's verse. What kind of gobbledygook was that? "Skeevy. Delicious."

De La Soul feat. Q-Tip, Vinia Mojica - A Rollerskating Jam Called Saturday

This is one of those magical songs, like most of The Jackson 5 catalog, where once you hear it, you're in a good mood. Like if you found out your girlfriend used to date Peter North and you heard this song, you'd feel better. This will definitely get played at my wedding. (Not that I'm getting married. But if I do, this is on the playlist)

Bonus: This one didn't make DP's list but it's one of my favorites

Cool Breeze feat. Outkast and Goodie Mob - Watch For The Hook

Dope beat, great rhymes. Plus, it's got a Reservoir Dogs theme to it.