1. Families are Units: Cousin Wilbur’s loud talking aside our families, both blood and chosen, are units meant to work together. That person who so annoys you at the holidays (and maybe the rest of the year) is there for a reason. Even if you are hard pressed to find redeeming qualities that doesn’t mean everyone else agrees with you. Having emotional elasticity and developing a predisposition to being flexible is a sign your spirituality is developing. Allowing your judgements to drive a wedge between your family members, even if its only in your own head, can create needless difficulty for you and others.

2. Forgiveness doesn’t mean a blind eyes: While we can strive to be open, forgiving and non-judgemental down deep we all have behaviors that we find difficult to stomach in others. Operating from compassion doesn’t mean you check your standards at the door. It means you find healthy ways to address the issue. Does cousin Wilbur talk too loud because he can’t hear? Have a direct, one-on-one conversation to find out if really his hearing aid is just broken and he doesn’t know how to fix it. Does Aunt Tamara always criticize your food? Take her for coffee and find out if she is just feeling lonely and insecure at the holidays. Share with her that it troubles you when she criticizes your food and ask her to help you prepare something she truly likes. Heart centered, direct communication in a private setting can often yield information just under the surface of our family relationships.

3. Timing is everything: At the holidays people’s emotions run high. Longing for relatives who have passed on, insecurities about money or weight and marriage difficulties can all increase in intensity. If you know trouble brews ahead find a strategy to deal with it before your first gathering. But first, have a heart to heart with yourself to decide if this is a battle worth fighting right now. The scale and intensity of the issue is as important as the issues itself. Be mindful that a conversation in March is very different from one leading up to or worse AT your holiday gathering.

4. Be honest about your own shortcomings: It is very easy to cast judgement upon others. It is much harder to realize that you too have behaviors that drive people crazy. The only change you are in charge of is within so take a moment to see if there’s something you can do to make the holidays more harmonious. Does your sister always ask you to come early but somehow you are always late? Does someone in your family have to do the clean up duty every year? The value of looking within is that it helps us to clarify what we see without. Start with yourself!

These principles can be applied to much deeper issues, however, they require more time and care. Looking within, choosing your timing and having positive boundaries communicated with compassion can create a more connected family unit. No matter which holiday you are celebrating many of us desire a sense of connection with our fellow humans, especially during the naturally introspective winter months. Make a commitment to try to bring others together at this time of year. You will feel better and your efforts will build skills you can use year round!

Namaste

Day three of that journey is the worst.  He didn’t make it.

In his choice to end his own life he ended his own suffering and caused it in many of us. We wondered what else we could have done to help.  We wondered if we were next.  We just wondered.

I do not believe that suicide is evil or selfish.  In fact I believe it is just a symptom of a greater malady.  Despair, hopelessness and depression are every day life for many people. They continually suffer, sometimes in silence and sometimes loudly, acting out their personal struggle according to their body chemistry, family history and ability to ask for & receive help.  A dear friend once told me that for her, “Suicide will always be an option.” To this day I remember exactly where I was when she said it.  She was casual, matter of fact and deadly serious.  It scared me to the bone.

Many times I have walked through the suicide of a friend.  It leaves me in a mess of sadness, frustration, gratitude and fear.  I miss each of these people to this day and am saddened by their absence in my life.  I am grateful that I no longer have the special cocktail of circumstances that would add me to their ranks.  I am fearful that as a society we are doing pathetically little to help people before they make this decision.

But is it really a decision?  Research tells us that most often the precipitating cause of suicide is mental illness.  Last time I checked when you are mentally ill, your decisions are suspect and yet we fail to fund necessary resources to appropriately intervene when people are in trouble.  There are clear risk factors for people dealing with the desire to end their own life:

Source: beyondblue.org.au

There is no shortage of research on suicide, its causes or treatments.  What we lack as a society is the will to take a stand against this epidemic. An April, 2016 study from the Center for Disease Control (CDC) tells us that suicide rates have been on the rise in the United States for 30 years. The greatest increase is in females from 10-14 and men from 45-64. We have to ask ourselves why.

My spirituality tells me that I can never truly be separated from those who have moved on to some other form of existence.  They are present in my memories and in the world around me.  Personally though, I’d like to test that theory less and reduce the suffering of those struggling with this decision.

Prayer and meditation in these circumstances are not enough.  If you or someone you know is struggling with this battle, reach out.  Help is available. We’d like you to stay with us.  Your story isn’t over yet.  Mine certainly wasn’t.

Suicide.org

Prevention, Awareness and Support

I believe that many people look at the changes we are going through and deduce the world is worse off than it was before. We all have a tendency to romanticize the past.  For me I’m excited about the future.  I see younger people today with their enthusiasm, intelligence and compassion and am inspired to be a better person.  I’m inspired to work harder to be what they already are – open.  I am most deeply inspired to find the best of myself and share it in the hopes that what I leave behind on this planet will be a positive ripple in the energy.  I most deeply wish to touch the people in my life with love, compassion, strength and an example of faith in action.

Gratitude for my life, family, friends, career and most of all my relationship with our beautiful, self-aware Universe is at the center of everything good in my life.  I hope today that you take some deep breaths and find one small thing that can bring you hope.  It doesn’t have to be large.  We are inundated with grandiose images of what a successful life looks like.  I’m talking about those small sacred moments that can touch you deeply.  If you go in search of one, it will appear.

Namaste my friends.  I love you all.

My expectations of this life have changed. He and I were never close. The relationship I had with him was centered in my own head, not in reality. But through the course of amazing events I now have a much larger family and a different understanding of his difficulties than I had before.  I can now see him through the eyes of my sisters and brothers and this make an immense difference.

Forgiveness is meaningful to me when it is not a theory but has a measurable effect on my actions. This father’s day I will honor his memory by living and loving from a space of compassion.  I will show up for those that I care about and attempt to turn a heart wrenching situation into something that transcends the past.  This father’s day I will thank him for the gifts he gave me and leave the rest behind.

Now that he rests in peace, in an odd way, so can I.

Namaste

How often have we all done that? We see something in the mainstream media – typically a 30 second spot written for 8th graders – and use this as the basis of our opinion on a world matter. Even more damaging we see the worst examples of a situation or location and assume this covers the whole gamut of human experience. What happened in New York on 9/11 does not define the day to day experience of Montana today.

A well considered, spiritual life rejects these habits. There is little on our planet that is all good or all bad. Those judgements themselves are entirely subjective based on your situation, cultural upbringing, religious tradition, gender and a host of other factors. From a more deeply spiritual perspective the question is not about good or bad but about the increase or reduction of that persons suffering by their standards not ours. Further, as we are all deeply interconnected – in fact one consciousness only separated by the illusion of individual self – any reduction or increase in suffering impacts us all. Well trained practitioners of spirituality and magic accept the responsibility to “Do no harm” as our most binding magical vow.

The difficulty with the practical application of this is what might reduce my suffering during a difficult time e.g. staying connected with dear family and friends over social media might increase someone else’s suffering e.g. wanting total privacy during that same event. What to do? In social media terms it’s easy: create a private group, ensure no public posts, don’t tag people with their names and have an open conversation about different styles of emotional support. In other situations about issues surrounding the nature of family, gay rights, women’s rights or humane treatment of animals it’s not so clear.

To evolve on the spiritual path and stay true to my cherished vows as a Wiccan Priestess and Weaver I’ve found it helpful to embrace a few key teachings which I have found across traditions:

1. Hold Loosely Formed Opinions Until Educated: I attempt to withhold forming immovable opinions of a person, situation or location until I’ve had personal experienced, been taught by an expert or conducted my own research. Even then my opinions are subject to change when faced with new information. When conducting magic I always include the prayer, “Thy will be done not mine.” That prayer is said to my own version of my Higher Power, my ancestors, my guides and the elemental energies I’m working with.

2. Technology and Magic can be Used for Either Good or Ill: The intent of Magic is in the heart of the Witch and the same is true with technology. The cursory glance prior to the inditement of an entire system based on the lowest or most obvious denominator of behavior can rob you of true knowledge and its derivative wisdom. Kim Kardashian’s over exposed use of social media should not to be compared with Deepak Chopra, the Egyptians during their uprising or the makers of Blackfish who deeply care about the well being of the Orcas in captivity. Similarly not all Wiccan or Pagan traditions or practitioners are the same.

3. Identify Your Biases: We all have them. I’m more likely to be pro-environment, pro-choice and pro-women. It takes less to convince me that people I identify as “my tribe” have good intentions. And yet I’ve had some wonderful stimulating conversations with extremely conservative people which have been profoundly enlightening. It is a choice to be open to varying opinions not just those that match our own. My global community is tight knit and are almost all digital natives or converts. We use SMS and social media like former generations used the telephone. Most of us also believe in a conscious Universe that we participate in creating. Therein lies the Magic.

4. Being Teachable Means Being Willing to be Wrong: If everything I think at this moment is entirely accurate where is the room for growth? To continue to evolve I must assume that things I hold dear today could be wrong tomorrow. If I can embrace this as a gift I can continually evolve, grow and learn till I take my last breath. People talk about continual learning. Often they do not understand that the requirement for this is to let go of your existing knowledge and opinions to make room for new ones.

5. Put Effort into Finding Workable Compromises: Opening your heart to a kind and workable path devoid of ego is a key step to finding your magical power. Being able to construct workable compromises with your partner, family and co-workers is the application of this teaching. Leaving your ego at the door enables you to divine the best path for those involved which sometimes means learning to appreciate different ideas and opinions. Sometimes conflicts are unavoidable but they can still be approached from a place of love and peace-seeking rather than control or suppression.

At the end of the day, we reap what we sow. I believe that my personal efforts to emanate positive energy through all means possible has an effect on the people I love and my karmic destiny. I use social media as a method to increase my circle of positive influence. Until everyone is clairvoyant and can read the ripples in the Quantum Field this will have to do.

For me, intention is everything.

Namaste

Minimize your Holiday Schedule – This year I am not flying all over trying to see everyone on or before the holiday.  I’ve realized that relaxed time with family on Dec 26th can be just as special as the day itself.  This also keeps me from feeling stressed on a day I want to feel happy & grateful.  Create a holiday schedule that minimizes your time in the car, train or airplane.

Make it about Time not Money – Many people feel financial pressure at the holidays which is augmented by our culture’s focus on gift giving and shopping.  Why don’t you bake some cookies instead of going to the mall.  Make it a holiday tradition and get the kids involved wrapping them up for people with nice notes.  I can assure you that a thoughtful, homemade gift will be more important to people than anything you could find elsewhere.  You can also make cute hand made gift certificates for a lunch or dinner after the holidays.  People remember the connection you have with them more than what you purchase.

Saying No is OK – At some point in the holiday a co-worker or relative will ask you to do something you do not really want to do.  Give yourself permission to say, “No.”  Say it with grace and compassion but stick to your guns about your schedule, your time and your budget.

Focus on the Inside – At this time of being with family it is important to focus on what matters most in family – our connection, support and love for one another.  Use this family time as an opportunity to exercise the muscle of forgiveness.  Bury the hatchet and allow yourself to be in the present with your family rather than being stuck in old emotions and past hurts.  By focusing on today you will give yourself the best gift of all – emotional freedom and serenity.  If others in your family try to drag you back into the old arguments just smile and walk away.

Remember the Children – The holidays can be a wonderful time to engage with the children in your life whether you are a parent, aunt, grandparent or family friend.  Make an effort to make holiday memories with them.  Take them to visit one of  the many holiday light displays, visit Santa or invite them over to help you decorate.  These family memories and traditions bring warmth to their life and especially yours.  You will both have something to treasure from the holidays if you make this effort.

Lastly, remember the holidays are your time.  Take charge, make good choices and make it a time to remember from the inside out!

“The Higgs boson is associated with the reason that everything in the universe — from humans to planets to galaxies — have mass. The particle is a component of something called the Higgs field, which permeates our universe. It’s not a perfect analogy, but Brian Greene, theoretical physicist at Columbia University and “NOVA” host, offered this comparison when I spoke with him last year:

“You can think of it as a kind of molasses-like bath that’s invisible, but yet we’re all immersed within it,” Greene said. “And as particles like electrons try to move through the molasses-like bath, they experience a resistance. And that resistance is what we, in our big everyday world, think of as the mass of the electron.”

Truth is that is how I’ve been explaining some of my phychic abilities for years.  I’ve told many a client that we are all connected in a sea of energy.  I believe that science will some day prove that this sea is self aware and remembers all of our lives, activities and connections.  For people like me I have trained some natural ability in my brain to “hear” what’s going on in that field. It is often like swimming in someone elses memories and emotions. Being psychic is not some freak occurance or, at least for me, a ruse for bad behavior.  It’s a natural talent that can be trained.  Some peopl are athletic, I can “hear” things that other people can’t see.  I remain convinced that as we learn more about the Universe we live in such things will become explainable, common sense parts of our understanding.

With all that said however, there is still something mystical, dynamic and wonderful about this idea.  For me, it does not remove the idea of god-awareness or a Higher Power someone might call God.  In fact it proves it to me.  We are all one sea of energy, connected y particles that we don’t yet understand, participating in some illusion that we are seperate beings.  In that state of oneness, we form the higher conciousness. We can connect with this conciousness in a state of grace when we are lucky.  Meditation and prayer do this for me but other people have other activities that give them that sense of being connected in that same manner.

For me all that matters is that connection and the hope that some day people will not only understand it as science but let it touch their lives. I hope they will let that connection bring hope and a sense of continuity into the sometimes lonely places we can go during our human experience.  This light in the darkness, that is available to all people no matter their religion or lack of it, is God for me.  I am forever grateful for this awareness and what it has meant to my life.

During the first week of each month you will each get a short email. This email will list suggestions for actions you can take to create greater balance, one for each week of the month. You can also get this info from my Facebook page as usual.  If you’d like to subscribe to the emails just hit the Newsletter Signup in the navigation above.

I do hope that each of you will make an effort to take a few moments to do these small tasks. Let the build on each other throughout the year.  You will be amazed at the difference.  They are categorized in a few different themes that have been important to me. They are:

• An Active Mind
• The Business of Life
• Health & Fitness
• Pay it Forward
• Peace of Mind
• Relationships
• Self Improvement

The sum total of embracing these themes is a life with greater balance, more peace of mind and a feeling of fulfillment. That is my wish for everyone and especially those of you who have followed my writings and my practice for so many years.

I hope you enjoy this new eSeries and share it with those who are also on the path.

Stay positive my friends! Now is the time to make 2013 your year.  Love & Light to you all!

Namaste

Put down the remote. Call a friend. Open a book. Enroll in a class. Make your life worth living for you. Other people’s opinions are not relevant. Only your own opinion of yourself truly counts. Now, more than ever, it is time for you to embrace yourself and find your enthusiasm.

You are a light to many people in your own life. Turn it up. Let them see you. Let them be inspired to do the same. This is how you transform a world. One person at a time. No one is left behind. We are in this together. We must change and allow ourselves to be what our families, friends and communities need now.

This year I’ll be sending out notes & posting ideas for small changes we can embrace each day. In 2012 I learned to embrace change one moment at a time and to create balance the same way. As always I’m sharing what I learned and hope that it works in some small way for you as well.

This is my prayer for 2013. This is my commitment. Let’s go.

Namaste

Now more than ever our connection to our deepest selves is required. You may wonder what that is? Well, it’s that soft sound inside you that nudges you in a particular direction – in a relationship, a conversation or just at the grocery store. This soft intuition is a muscle that can be built through contemplation, meditation, healthy eating, exercise and a cultivation of calm. Deepak Chopra calls intuition a “quite sense of calm” rather than a constant chatter about things happening around you.

It’s worthwhile to observe that chatter. What does your inner voice tell you? Does it whip up your anxiety by detailing worst case scenarios? Does it list out your deficiencies or fears in never ending detail? This is the little mind – driven by the ego – that is the opposite of the calm peacefulness that we would benefit us all.

I don’t just mean benefiting in a spiritual or psychological manner. Like meditation, a calm mind has physical benefits as well. From lowering blood pressure to slowing the heart rate and strengthening the immune system. Health – both physical and emotional – is an integrated process.

Focusing on developing this inner calm also frees you from being at the mercy of the chaotic life that many people deem normal. The Dalai Lama has said in many ways, “Do not let the behavior of others disturb your inner peace.” To do that we must take charge and make a commitment to ourselves. Sometimes this is the hardest part.

As you step into the new year make an effort to take 10 minutes a day to focus on this inner guide. Choose to give peace of mind a little air time. Take some deep breaths at your desk or even in your car before you head on to your next errand. As your mind inevitably churns up 20 things you need to do or are uneasy with simply say to yourself, “Everything will be all right.” Believe it. Invest in this idea. Let this phrase become a signal to your body to relax. My grandmother shared this wisdom as she was making her transition to the other side and you know, she was right.

This is urban spirituality. It’s for everyone. Join the fun.

Namaste