endofstory-morningglory

I've decided ...

2011-11-17T22:29:00.000+05:30

... to include more pictures in my blog. So to begin with:

the girl I love the most and my most favorite person in the known universe.

Changing the world, making it better: the Other Mother

2011-06-07T22:30:00.005+05:30

As an intern having the opportunity to work with SOS Children's Villages, I have witnessed the passion and the commitment to change our world. I have seen how this passion drives the heart of men and women into building a worldwide organization that literally, defines the world "Awesome".

While there are those who dream of building things to change the world, I work with the people who are in the business of changing the world with their actions - day after day, every day.

Back when I was in India (the better part of my life), my work was really cool. My job involved working with people who valued creativity and my writing skills. We made ad campaigns, online marketing campaigns, web sites and such.

But even when I was writing and doing really well at it, the thing that kept gnawing at me was a simple question: what was I doing to change the world? What was my personal contribution to making our world better?

Selling real estate and bank loans through advertising is good for paying bills and buying stuff but it doesn't feed the emptiness within to do something - to leave this world better than when you came into it. It does not offset the deep need to be more than a cog, to be more human by doing more to be human.

The investments we make
My dad always said the best investments are made in people - not real estate, not stocks and bonds - people. I took that to heart - not to say I did not invest my money in stocks and such, but even there I mostly invested with a philosophy of investing in the companies who are building a better future for us - like companies investing in Wind energy, and cleaner, fuel efficient cars and such.

But my working habits and indeed my perspective changed when I came to the US. Of course, I wanted to write for the big brands - but I came at a time when the recession was at its peak and with virtually no jobs available. But then, I got to be on the receiving end of an investment.

An investment in me
My first job here was car sales. And while I worked at it and sold cars, I did not have what it takes to be an extraordinary car salesman (although I did have persuasion skills without the belief in the product I was selling).

All that changed when I got my first freelance gig to write a direct mail piece for SOS Children's Villages, thanks to a dear friend who gave me a shot.

That is how I started working with people who have dedicated their life to giving orphaned and abandoned children a roof over their heads, a family to belong to, and perhaps more importantly, a story to talk about as their own.

They also gave me something that I have so fiercely wanted and looked for all my career - a chance to write for something I truly believe in.

SOS Children's Villages gave me a shot to do something that would, I hoped, lead to a change for the better in this world - a chance to actually do something than just think and talk. If I, through my writing, could change the life of a single child, to give him or her a family, a home to belong to, brothers and sisters to grow up with, roots to build on - that would definitely count among the most awesome things I have done!! It aligned my work with who I wanted to be.

Why SOS Children's Villages?
The question was, why bother to make investments in children whom I haven't met? This best answer I came up with was because SOS Children's Villages is the one organization I know personally, that works towards building a world the way I had envisioned it: a world that is fair, that has justice and where people care about what happens to others. (Being idealistic helps!)

If the answer you seek has anything to do with building such a world, consider investing in the children and the ones who care for the ones who do not have families caring for them.

These children are our future. And our future is under threat:
* by human traffickers who would want to profit by selling young girls and boys
* by gangs who will use them as drug runners
* by the militia who use them as child soldiers and suicide bombers

These are children who have no idea of what love is, who have no family.

Breaking the tradition / making a new one
Who will accept and embrace the young children who have been abused, who are weak and diseased, who cut and mutilate because they blame themselves of the terrible things that have happened to them? Yes, the children blame themselves because they do not know better.

Who has patience and love that these children need? Who has the will to work through the education and training it takes to deal with the trauma these children have faced? Who chooses to become an example for these children to follow?

Foster Parents are human beings too and they make mistakes. but then, they are the ones who count their success by changing lives not by the things they acquire.

SOS has women training to be SOS Mothers. These women study hard for over two years, attend lectures and seminars and classes, become SOS Aunts to train themselves and gain firsthand experience in first aid, nutrition, medication, finances among other subjects. They they choose to raise children who have gone through abuse, pain and suffering at a very early stage.

These women raise these children to function independently in society, make them positive contributors. This is their life, without expectation of rewards.

Worldwide, across more than 500 SOS Children's Villages, there are more than 5,000 SOS Mothers who care for 80,000 children. They are not well-known, not celebrities, not people you will read about in the magazines or see on television.

But you can know them and read about them and even help make a difference.

Visit the Other Mother campaign.

Read their stories and watch the video to feel inspired - literally!!

Make your vote count - do it now. And do it again tomorrow.

Tell your friends and relatives and loved ones and colleagues about it. Let them get inspired by the people they see and the stories they read.

Change the world - make it a better place by giving a chance to the children who don't have one.

what makes this interesting

2011-02-08T09:08:00.001+05:30

the life as we know it, the television as we see it, the internet as we surf it, the reality as we perceive it, the food as we taste it, the aroma of the food as we drool it, the information as our neurons electrically fire it, the books as we read it, the movies as we feel it, the keyboard as we type on it, the wallet as we reach for it, the blank paper to write on it, the words to make us feel amazed - shocked - tricked - dejected - loving - sorrowful - funny - confident - inspired - timid - blushing scarlet - pained - wise and other random and assorted feelings before we go to sleep and dream a completely nonsensical random dream which may be the note for the new day dawning after it, the novel that we would like to write about, the movie we see getting made as we go through our own lives, the colors of trees and sunshine and ideals without the grays in between, the love of a brother - wife - parent - friend - teacher, the smile in the eyes, the skin of a baby, the texture of a rabbit - satin - velvet - your love's hands, the hero in real life, the ideals we live by and you!

labels and what to do with them

2010-11-17T22:44:00.001+05:30

men and women need identity. we strive to create it, we want others to see it and respect it and we will fight to protect it. most of us think of identity in terms of what we do and what we don't.

we buy - as consumers. when we are not able to (loss of income), we lose our identity as consumers. labels are a big part of who we are - they define us and we define ourselves by the labels we choose - right wing - left wing, believer - atheist, how we choose to be known is what defines us. it also separates us. you and me. our beliefs / values / cultures/ skin / fashion sense / education / eating habits/ things we have / things we want - well the list goes on and on and on.

but thinking beyond labels - who am i and what is my place here?
there is one god, there is no god. there is the physical me, and me as a consciousness.
there is a universe - it has been created. there is nothing, everything is manifest.
there is me and you - and we are different aspects of the same things ...

would i rather cling to what defines my narrow vision, my labels - fight to protect my way of life? am i worth the blood spilled?

not everyday questions. and definitely not worth everyday answers.

so me and you. and a whole list of things to separate us. and a whole list of things to bind us.
lets get rid of the lists and then see what happens.

i don't have answers. but i am here to experience - to live. and i'll be goddamned if i end up living in a dream and forgetting the one reality we seem to have missed or forgotten.

the universe exists because i do. when i die, when my consciousness dissolves - the universe will cease. and hopefully, so will the labels.

about being

2010-11-11T05:52:00.000+05:30

it can be a friend or foe. it can be golden or deafening.

one thing that America has taught me is silence, to be comfortable with my own thoughts as companions. it happens everyday - i work from home and spend hours without interaction. of course this is choice but it is also circumstance.

to be alone with your thoughts is not simple. it is not very difficult but it takes a while to get used to the silence. in some ways, it makes for the finest medium in creative expression.

it also makes for lot of time to be thinking about things - about the ways of the society - about why people fear things like change, about new opportunities and ideas, time also to reminisce about the times that were - the orange wall at home, about spending 30 years with my folks and then finding out what a short time that was.

silence. contemplation. nostalgia. new frontiers and ideas. and then the next day begins.

what i did today

2010-06-29T08:57:00.003+05:30

it never occurred to me that i could do more than be. that i could choose to be more than just the everyday work and sometimes play sort of satyajit. sure i thought i helped the world, saved some whales, planted some trees and generally thought more than just end of month paychecks.

but the unusual bits happened when i started to live a life of less wanting in the middle of the highest order of consumerist society that i could find. what started out as a necessity has evolved into a rationalist thought and lifestyle.

i choose to eat less. i now fit easily into a size 34 trouser. friggin' awesome that!!

i choose to eat right. more whole grains, more fiber, less meat, less sugar, lower cholesterol ... you get the idea.

i choose to help more. i shop for three very gentle ladies every other week. i write whenever i can, for a non-profit i believe in. and now, i even help make prepare meals for those who probably can't afford one. i try to walk more than i drive in everyday life.

i choose to be more thoughtful, more caring. thats just because i have seen the living example of a caring person. she shares her life with me. i have always liked being more like this but in the big rough and tumble of life, never had a chance to sit and figure it out. and now that she is here, i have.

it is not my big-guy-in-the-sky given right to throw money at everything in the hope of owning it. i choose to be the guy who lives and thinks and hopefully contributes towards building a better society by doing one thing right - caring for the next person.

i choose, when i know millions ... perhaps even a billion people don't have the choices that i do. it's a shame that there are people living on this planet who can't choose to get an education or choose to live a relatively starvation free life. i choose to think about them when i feel the need to buy an expensive thingy whose existence that will add the magic to my life for a few days of prized ownership from which i will derive pride of ownership.

i choose books and movies.

i choose to be better. because of the people in my life. because of the ideas they've shared and eventually have shaped my life.

i choose you to be my friends, because your point of view, your thinking, your dissent makes me a better person for knowing you.

and i choose my family, even though people say they have no choice about the family they are born into. every time, whenever i can, i always choose my family. for who knows my fears better than the ones who have raised me? who shares my burdens? who smile and laugh with me even after living with me day in and day out?

only those who can give me more of themselves that they receive from me. who else?

i'm still here

2010-06-10T10:30:00.003+05:30

I go to a bookshop and wander around. I go through the sci-fi section, pull out a copy of The Illustrated Man by Ray Bradbury and then put it back. I wander around some more, I pick up Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere and then carry it around like I'm going to buy it. I decide not yet and I put it back.

Head over to the International DVD's. Pick up Kurosawa ... nope then Tarkovsky ... nope then some movie with lots of blood and a silhouette of a well endowed girl ... nope then there's always Majid Majidi. Not that one either.

Ok done here.

Heading to the comic books/graphic novels. Should I pickup another Hellboy? Or maybe the Walking Dead? Hmm ... plenty of Batman titles. Haven't read Superman - For Tomorrow completely. It's in two volumes. Side step a dude reading Manga and find a bench. Start reading.

An hour later I'm done.

Neverwhere ain't going nowehere in a hurry. I'm still here though. And gonna be.

Next time, it's gonna be Hush!

the why's and whereforth's

2010-06-09T09:59:00.005+05:30

Lately I have become interested in Religion. Or rather studying about religion.

I haven't been an adherent for a long time now. In the sense that I don't believe in God as the concept is understood by most: an all-pervasive deity to who we ascribe powers of Universal creation and destruction, with whom we as humans can have a relationship and pray to Him/Her.

To me God is something beyond the shapes and personalities and human traits that we ascribe - mercy, kindness, love, purity, nobility, grace - these are human concepts. To me God is an idea that cannot fit in the human mind - we cannot comprehend the Universe, the sheer size of it. How to describe infinity? And then the creator of that infinity which is expanding?

I come from a background of Hinduism - a culture more than a religion. It has innumerable gods and rituals and traditions. I have been exposed to quite a few of them over the years - my parents were practicing Hindus who believed in the Shaivite tradition. As I was growing up I have understood the basic concepts of Hinduism more by experience than by books.

I am by caste a Bramhin, a Goud Saraswat Bramhin - belonging to the saraswat clan, originating from the banks of the hidden river Saraswati. The Saraswat part refers to many things, mostly our origins. there are many stories about out origins:

From the Saraswati river
From the Sage - Saraswat Muni
From the offspring of the Goddess Saraswati - the Hindu Goddess of Learning

I have understood most of these concepts from my family traditions and yet, as an individual I cannot come to believe in the existence of Gods as the Ultimate. But Hinduism, unlike other religions offers answers that go beyond theism.

To quote:
"The atheist is not so much the man who denies the existence of any god as the man to whom God is not God, who looks upon the Deity as subordinate to powers void of holiness and nobility, the man who will not see in God the highest force in the world of nature and in the realm of the spirit. In this sense the Brahmans are thorough atheists.

According to them, the universe with all that is in it--gods, men, and lower things--is created and governed by an iron law of soulless natural necessity. It has arisen by emanation from a cosmic Principle, Prajapati, "the Lord of Creatures," an impersonal being who shows no trace of moral purpose in his activity. Prajapati himself is not absolutely the first in the course of nature."

Of course Hinduism is much deeper than words and rituals. It is many things including a full fledged belief system, a culture rich with art and literature and the redundant caste system, a philosophy of ideals and atheistic traditions, an idea that has many different aspects and many common grounds for a billion people to believe in.

Regardless of all its fallacies and merits, I study it more from a curiosity. Where did my family's beliefs come from? We know the Vedas are scripture, but who has read them? I want to know.

I am currently reading Gaia: A New Look at Life on Earth by James Lovelock. I am reading about Evolution and am looking for a copy of Charles Darwin's On the Origin of Species. I am reading the Book of Shiva that contains myths, stories and origins of a fierce and ascetic God who has a 1008 names including one of a dear friend who is living up to his name- Jimutvahan: he who rides the clouds.

I enjoy the idea that the world is a super-organism and that we are parts that constitute its being.

I want to know more about evolution and as my favorite author says, "If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat. Life is a level of complexity that almost lies outside our vision; it is so far beyond anything we have any means of understanding that we just think of it as a different class of object, a different class of matter; 'life', something that had a mysterious essence about it, was God given, and that's the only explanation we had. The bombshell comes in 1859 when Darwin publishes 'On the Origin of Species'. It takes a long time before we really get to grips with this and begin to understand it, because not only does it seem incredible and thoroughly demeaning to us, but it's yet another shock to our system to discover that not only are we not the centre of the Universe and we're not made of anything, but we started out as some kind of slime and got to where we are via being a monkey. It just doesn't read well."

I want to know more about Shiva, the primeval, primordial aspect of the eternal and enduring forces of life and death - the dreaming god of the mountains who continues to hold the entirety of the created and uncreated world in the inner vision of his third eye.

The United States of ...

2010-04-21T11:26:00.008+05:30

It's been over a year since I've come to this country. In the past year, america has gone through some radical changes and yet as the old adage goes - the more things change, the more the remain the same.

One of the biggest changes was the election of a black President in the White House. There was the hope, the promise of change finally coming into America. The memory of that excitement still remains. President Obama's first executive order was to sign the death knell on the prison camps of Gitmo and Abu Ghraib. "The United States does not torture." Rendition, however, remains a policy. Sending people to jail in other countries seems to be an inheritance from the previous administration.

With a ten percent unemployment rate, the recession according to the economists is definitely receding if not over. Ten percent is Thirty Million Americans without jobs. That's 30,000,000 people.

I step out to go shopping - as a volunteer shopper for the American Red Cross. I do it because I can. So when I called the ladies and told them I would be coming this Wednesday to shop - one of them said she did not have the money. She, like millions of others like her, depends on food stamps to purchase groceries. "About six million Americans receiving food stamps report they have no other income, according to an analysis of state data collected by The New York Times." This is one face of America in its old age.

Another face is that of working till you die. With health benefits running out as soon as you quit a job, most Americans want to work as long as they can. Their insurance is the Medicare ( a social insurance program of the elderly) and/or Medicaid (a need based social welfare program for the low income groups). It is a policy which most hospitals and doctors are loathe to accept.

As more and more states cut spending on basic programs that help the poor and the disenfranchised, as schools lose teachers, as on my enquiring about getting an Executive MBA degree got me a figure of $95,000 in fees for 19 months of study, as the military build up in Afghanistan requires more soldiers (30,000 additional troops) and even more money ( till date about $299 Billion dollars allocated - $299,000,000,000 ), I wonder what the fuck is going on here?

Don't get me wrong. I came to this country willfully, with dreams of experiencing life in the First World and wanting to realize my dreams of being a writer. In a very real sense of the word, I am realizing those dreams. In my last blog post, i had shared how my outlook has changed simply because of the writing that I have been doing.

Living here has changed the way I think and feel about this world. I am doing more, building a sense of hope that change is possible in a very real way here. Americans are one of the best people I know - they are educated, some of them so much that it astounds me to think of it. They work hard, they want to do more, and they give more to charity than any other country in this world.

But America, like India, has its own share of problems. The bi-partisan politics is one of the biggest ones there is.

And yet there is a real transformative change possible here. Unlike India, America lives and thrives on the spirit of entrepreneurship and also unlike India, short term greed has been the cause of long term ills.

The winds of change are blowing hard, not only here but all across the globe. Harnessing them is what we ought to be doing - thinking, building and living a greener future. A toast then, to the United States of a Better World.

the best of times

2010-03-30T20:25:00.005+05:30

when i started writing, it was because i wanted to. i wasn't into online marketing or advertising. i was just writing.

now, the more ads i see, the more cynical i get. selling big luxury homes or fashion or textiles - is this the life of a writer? it was for me. it paid bills and it was good.

but somewhere there was always the question - what the fuck was i doing with my life?

ever since i have moved here to America, i have seemingly aligned my writing to my needs. and of course it happened by chance but also it happened by choice.

one of the first things i did, even before i started writing, i volunteered with the American Red Cross (a suggestion from my beautiful wife). this had two effects on me:

1. i was doing something beyond focusing on myself (cosmic law: you get what you give)
2. it was an act of choice

it is also where i learned that i could do more than be a selfish person simply consuming things. i was getting back to my idealist roots. now, i do direct mailers for SOS Children's Villages.

it's not much in terms of money - i just about manage to make rent and groceries for now - but it's a good feeling to know that my writing is making an impact. that i can help orphaned and abandoned children all over the world reclaim a lost childhood. and that however indirect my contribution is, my writing helps such children in getting a home.

to a young child who has lost his or her family, this is a life changing event.

the other happy outcome of this is that i now believe in what i write. that i am using my skills to make someone's life better.

this is why i became a writer in the first place. not to get on a moral high ground, not to sell potato chips but to make a difference. for a while i had lost myself in the egotistical, masturbatory world of writing feel good copy that sells needless things.

but staying true to my nature, i rebelled. and i'm glad i did. because if what i write can help one child on the street have a home, get an education and live a life of choice ... then my mission is a success. i have made a difference and i can stand up with my head held high and tell my kid, that yes we humans screwed up this planet, but i have done and will continue doing things that can help make this world a better place to live in.

this is writing, the way i want to. the way i imagined it to be.

the waiting game

2010-03-10T00:58:00.005+05:30

i've been playing it for a long time now. it's one game where the rules are there are no rules. you wait or you don't. the waiting game is a simple one - you have the means, you don't have opportunity. you have the time, you don't have money. you have the skills, you don't have the job. so you can go around - be the master of your destiny ... bla bla bla. or you play the waiting game.

now whether this is a good thing or bad is up to your judgment.

you decide when the time to move is right, you decide when to strike. you also decide if you want to strike or if you want to wait.

i'm told life is all about second chances. i'm also told first impressions are the last.

whether you choose to believe or are an unbeliever - whether you choose to act or not - playing the waiting game is one of the most enduring, one of the most risk taking (because you risk opportunities slipping by) enterprise you can undertake.

and when you're done playing the waiting game, it's time to get the hell out of your comfort zone. and push pedal to the metal as you try to keep up with the winds of change.

Hmmm ...

2009-07-02T10:59:00.005+05:30

It's been a while since I've been here. I've been doing things, reading books, watching movies, going to libraries, checking out audiobooks (got the whole collection of Hunter S. Thompson), eating exotic food, meeting old school friends, driving around and stuff. Its ok.

But slowly i am also getting a sense of this place. Most people don't have any idea of what anybody else is doing or going through. In India (because that is where i come from) we used to know what was going on with people around us. I don't know my neighbors here. I've been here about four months and nothing - not even their names or interests - said hi to one and offered to help him mow the lawn because he is a middle aged, elder person who was mowing the lawn by himself. But nothing except "Thanx but no thanx, i got this covered" and a smile. Which is fine - but seriously i don't even know his name.

Not that i knew everybody in the neighborhood in India - but i did know quite a few of them. Here nobody is interested.

hmmm. This is me generalizing, but I hope i never become as socially isolated as a white man in America ...

Lock n load

2009-05-07T10:40:00.004+05:30

America.

It's tough. Even though I haven't seen much at all. But it is tough.

Jobs are scarce. Money is scarce. Plenty of things to do and buy though. But things are going to get tougher. When I was about to come here, a lot of people told me it was just bad timing. The economy was bad and that getting a job wasn't going to be easy. And yes, I don't deny it.

But this is America. This is where opportunity is to be found in crisis. This is where dreams come true. And I'm here to live the dream. It's not a dream about getting a job and making money - it's a dream about experiencing what only American people can - a life where you do your thing regardless of what the world has to say - live and do as you please and be inconsistent about it. Give with an open heart and buy with a bigger wallet. Care deep and passionate and spread your wings and fly!!

The time is now. The dream is rich.

America. Lock n load!

It's Official

2009-04-30T05:28:00.002+05:30

I'm thirty two.

I'm looking for a job.

The Colbert Report is among the coolest shows on TV. (Why?)

David Kessler proved "Foods high in fat, salt and sugar alter the brain's chemistry in ways that compel people to overeat".

David Kessler appears on the Colbert Report. (That's why!)

I am thirty two.

!!!!

Well, the Silver Lining - one step closer to hitting the mid life crisis and buying a small fighter plane.

And I celebrated the birthday for the first time with my wife and in the US of A.

And my beautiful and thoughtful wife gave me a remote controlled Formula One car.

HOW COOL IS THAT?!!!

I'm glad I'm thirty two!!

Boy o boy o boy!

Kursiyan!!

2009-04-17T06:53:00.003+05:30

I just met a woman who has been helping orphans around the world find a roof over their heads, an education for their mind, food for their stomachs and hope in their eyes. And when I mean around the world, i mean in Ethiopia, India, Tanzania, Congo, Indonesia, Kenya, Zimbabwe and Jordan.

She is a grandmother who loves spending time outdoors in the sun with her grandkids and us. When I got to her place, she was in the playground by herself enjoying the sun. Hard to believe that she keeps austere company, like the Head of States, Captains of the Industry and beautiful children across the world. This woman single-handedly raised over a million dollars for the kids last year. And she did it with a zeal and passion that few can rival. And she did it out of her home/office.

This is Norma Nashed who runs a charity called Reaching Hearts for Kids. One look at her and I saw a life rich with experience and one that is always open to new ideas.

When I was in Mumbai, I used to pride myself on being an optimist - but also a little cynical, like the urban people are. I'm sure the urban people here are similar and maybe this is just me being in America with fresh new eyes, but I do have a sense that here is life brimming with possibilities. Here is life where passion can be translated into a work ethic, which can be translated into success. Here is perspective that is un-jaded. Here is where dreams can be made true.

Maybe I am just being enthusiastic, maybe just the newness of the country - but its feels like a life lush with hope. A better life, a better future. Cheers!

Monday

2009-04-06T22:35:00.003+05:30

Here I am, at home by myself on a wet monday morning. I've applied for a couple of jobs and I'm sick of it already. Home Improvement is on TV - smiles :)

I am now officially a permanent resident. Got my Green card (which isn't Green btw) and today I'm going for my SSN. But why does it still feel like I need to be out of here. Maybe it's just the sitting at home that's bothering me. Maybe I should go out but it's raining. Maybe I should read a book or a comic book. Maybe I should write one.

Well. I'm watching American advertising ... which is not all that much better than indian advertising. The good thing is that there are no fairness cream advertisements. But here you do have legal ads telling you that if you've been hurt at work, of if you've taken a certain advertised medicine and suffered, we can help you make money by suing the people concerned.

Some things never change ... no matter where you go. Silly ads are always silly ads. But the good thing about being here - we've got Sci Fi network! :)

The Not So Usual

2009-04-02T11:19:00.005+05:30

Driving on the wrong side of the road and driving pretty fast at that. That's unusual. Applying and waiting for jobs is unusual ... because people get absorbed pretty quickly where I come from. Me writing this post on my MacBook is unusual, because i've never really owned a MacBook before. Seeing people of different races in a train is unusual because there's generally only brown skin in the trains where i come from. Oh and lots of room here to hang on too!

There's also grocery shopping which is endless brands and endless aisles of endless brands. 16 different types of breads and it's not even the biggest grocery shop around. There's daytime TV. And there's the ease of everything - from shopping to GPS on my mobile phone. Can't get lost anymore and that's not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. It's just another not so usual thing.

Wearing layers of clothing is also pretty unusual. And using garage doors that open with remotes, cars that have cruise control so you don't even have to press the gas pedal anymore, that's right gas - not fuel or petrol. :)

And all sorts of people, wearing all sorts of clothes, smiling at each other even though we haven't seen each other before. And food - all sorts of it - ethiopian, korean, mediterranean, spanish, greek, italian, chinese, indian, turkish, nepali, moroccan, mexican - it's all here. And grocery and liquor shops the size of two 3 BHK apartments and i've only been here for 2 and something weeks now.

Yep, not so usual.

I'm still looking

2009-03-31T07:54:00.003+05:30

America. It's a lot of things - a lot of different things. It's the land of opportunity and a beautiful country. It's the heart of the western world, the land of the free.

It's been two weeks since I've been here. And I now own a MacBook and a Blackberry which I'm going to change to an iPhone soon. I've been driving around and I haven't smoked a cigarette since I got here. Nor have I missed one. I think about it, but now I just don't care about it. It's an honest chance for me to give it up. Let's see how long that lasts.

All day long, I'm applying for jobs. At other times I'm meeting all the people who are my wife's friends and relatives. And I'm driving and I'm surfing and I'm watching TV... but I want out. I want to see America. I want to see the sights that the tourists see... and I haven't seen them yet. I want to know what it's like to eat a hot dog from a street vendor, like I had the vada pav at home.

But I just got here. So I think I have time.

But I'm still waiting and looking. My grand adventure will begin soon. Till then there's Dish TV, the Nintendo Wii, and my MacBook.

here we go...

2009-01-31T19:15:00.002+05:30

1. I quit my job. Finally, over with, done and am now blissfully unemployed!

2. Travel: Been to Sri Lanka recently. Walked across a high security zone holding a cardboard on my head cuz of the rain and my wife underneath it. Got to the ATM and back without getting hair wet. Howzzat?! Rode an elephant, visited a Tea Garden and a Tea Factory, bought lots of tea, had a Japanese lunch - Udon soup with mugi cha, visited a Buddhist temple, bought my friend a comic book, walked by the sea, saw a sunset at Sri Lanka, ate spicy Sri Lankan food and got back home.

3. Reading: The modern translation of the Ramayana by Ramesh Mennon. Superb!!

4. Made: Chicken Etoufee again!!

5. Plans: Cleaning up the house and then going to Goa.

6. Last movie I saw: Slumdog Millionaire. Too much hype over a decently made movie.

7. Bought: A new 1 TB HDD, The lastest TPB of Thor, Many books at Strand Book Sale -
Daniel Quinn - Ishmael & My Ishmael; Infinity Plus - an anthology of the best SF stories; Everyman's Library's Poems of S.T. Coleridge; George Johnson - Ten Most Beautiful Experiments; Zubin D'Souza - Khana Sutra: An Aphrodisiac Cookbook; Promod K. Nayar - India 1857 The Great Uprising; The Best of Satyajit Ray; Dooley and Heller - the Education of a Comic Artist and Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable.

8. And so the first month of 2009 ends! :)

wow

2009-01-09T16:00:00.004+05:30

It's 2009. It's been one helluva year to live - lots of things, life changing events have happened. And here I am.

To begin with, I have been married for over a year now. That's simply awesome! In this year, my beautiful half and i have fought, loved, smiled, cooked together, danced, seen loss, supported each other and more...and we continue to do it with a zest.

I lost both my parents last year and the entire world changed for me. My perspective, my life has changed and whether it is for the better or worse it is too early to say.

I quit my job and I will miss spending time with my friends there. I won't miss the work that's for sure. But there are people there whom I have gotten attached to - the creative team especially. It feels good to know that in some way I have contributed to the development of the people there (more so than contributing to the business, which I also have). My juniors, who I have had a chance to interact with closely, gave me a chance to learn. After all, if you want to learn, the best way is to teach. That's what my dad said and I tend to agree!

I have always based my life around people. My family, my friends, my colleagues - they have made me who I am and better. And for that I am grateful. I cherish them and their support. My dad always said, invest in people to get maximum returns. Not equity, not realty but people. Invest time and energy and you will get much more than you have given.

My beautiful half has made me a stronger person. I am more calm, more collected, more responsible, more joyous because of her presence in my life. I tend to be happy, I tend to be loved and be loving when I'm with her. Sure we have problems but hey, we've come up with a motto for our family:

"We are problem solvers. We find solutions to problems together and thereby become stronger and grow closer as a unit."

2009 eh? Let's rock!

enough?

2008-12-02T01:03:00.003+05:30

i've seen the news, read the papers, read the blogs, spoken to friends and lived on after Mumbai's nights of blazing travesties. i've heard the politicians, i haven't lost any close friends or relatives.

i have been stunned, despairing, despondent, seeking company, and living life. i have seen tragedies, i have had my heart broken, i have seen my parents die. i have seen friends quabble, i've seen relatives suffer, i've seen addictions and i've seen hope.

i've seen friends spew venom about others for their religion - caste - skin - brands they wear - choices they make, i've seen the media spew filth and having a field day on rapes, killings and all sorts of newsworthy things, i've seen politicians spew toxicity whether they open purse strings or mouths, i've seen blood on the streets, i've walked over garbage and people sitting in it invisible to the rest. and i've seen people helping strangers and making life easier for somebody they don't know.

i've seen luxury and money, i've tasted fine wine and scotch, i've been broke and walked till my feet hurt, i've failed and i've been stung for it, i've been sick and nursed the sick, i've been good and bad but mostly i've just been me.

am i grateful to be alive? yes.
am i living the life i wanna live? maybe.
am i changing the world? not yet.

so am i the good guy or the bad? do i join a group and hold vigils? do i hang on trains or buy a car? do i work my ass to be rich or do i spend my days "doing something meaningful"?

do i want my kids to be educated? heck...do i even want them to be born?
there's a lot of people who have answers. they say party, they say light candles, they say lets gather and pray, they say volunteer, they say enroll into the army, they say become politicians, they say take a stand...

me. i wonder. whether enough is really enough?

lucky

2008-11-18T16:57:00.002+05:30

when you get a life partner who can make your burdens easier, who will be with you through thick and thin, who will be with you in the good times and the bad, who will comfort you, whose smile is all that is needed to make your day beautiful, whose strength astounds you, whose caring amazes you, whose small quirks make a big difference, whom you can snuggle with, whose eyes you can lose yourself in, whose laughter brings you joy like you've never felt before, whose energy is infectious, whose hugs make you feel like the world is a safe place to be in, whose enthusiasm pushes your own, who brightens up your day and your life by simply being there in it, whose penchant for tea makes you want to be a tea connoisseur, whose simple touch you crave, whom you will follow across continents and to the ends of the earth, whose views may not match your own but provide you insights and make you a better man because you can understand the other perspective, whose achievements make you feel proud to be with her, whom you can walk with side by side and be yourself without every worrying about what she thinks of your idiosyncrasies, who will accept you for who you are, who will fight you every step of the way when you veer away from the path you have chosen to walk, who will push you to the limits and will have you discover that the limits are there because you have set them...

...consider yourself very lucky. I do!

...in a while

2008-11-12T13:32:00.004+05:30

I haven't always been a procrastinator, but sometimes I am just plain lazy to get things done. This is how it works: I am busy watching a movie, Dad wants me to go do something, I tell him ... in a while, he gets angry, I get frustrated. Both of us end up being sour!

But such things are small. It's the small but important things that can cause trouble when they aren't done on time. Like water supply. There is no point in running around for water, after the water supply for the day is done. We don't get 24 hours supply yet, in the city of the 21st century (that is about to change soon, but how soon?). So it's always getting up in the morning, getting the water`tanks filled by turning on and off a series of valves. Getting both the tanks filled is lucky! Now that I have had some training, it's no problem.

As long as Dad was around, he used to get things done, I just took it for granted. Now I know what it's like - checking water pressure, running upstairs to the terrace to see if the water pressure is enough to reach the top tank, filling the one at the bottom, filling all the buckets with water, pumping water from the bottom tank to the top - it's crazy, but there is a solid system to it and it works!

So it is these small things which I always took for granted, I have been discovering and doing on my own.

And there were other things, like letting dad and mum know how much they meant to me...that after all agreements and disagreements, fights, angry poses...I was and will always be their son. I made sure they knew that they were the most important people in my life, the ones whom I learned everything from and the ones who taught me that it was more important to do the right thing.

And thankfully, for these, I had the good sense to not go... "in a while!"

Sunday Lunch

2008-11-09T18:18:00.004+05:30

We made a vegetarian lasagna...my wife and I. More credit to her than me. She knew how to make it, I helped her make it.

My brother calls me a sou chef and her, the master chef. And this is the first time we've made a vegetarian lunch - because usually we end up cooking some non-veg (mostly chicken) on sundays.

so far, we've made:

Pepper Chicken
Saffron Chicken
Gosht (Mutton) Lababdar
Chicken Etoufee - a cajun recipe
Vegetarian Lasagna

My bro-in-law, a professional chef working in France, who got in last night, appreciated the lunch. And then Malai Kulfi with a veggie cake for dessert.

Yep...I'm on my way to being a cook now! Mum and dad would've been proud :)

the end of a story...

2008-11-08T19:39:00.002+05:30

How do I write anymore? I don't have the inclination. Me, a writer. And I don't know what to write, how to even begin.

My parents are no more. All that i have left is my brother, my wife and ... stuff. Bills to pay, stuff to take care of, my dad and mum's last wishes to be fulfilled. Suddenly, there are new priorities. Suddenly, things have changed, radically. No more advice from dad, no more shouting from maa.

The house is empty. Life seems shallow. I haven't shed tears yet. Perhaps, that is because it hasn't sunk in...or because sadness is not always about tears.

The fact that my parents wouldn't live forever, I took for granted. And now, suddenly, there aren't here anymore. No more playing with grandchildren, no more wisdom, no more celebrations of their anniversaries, no more life.

Memories remain. And someday I will be a memory. I hope a happy one. That is what my parents would have wanted - happy memories. And their sons to do well in life. But it isn't about doing well, it's about carrying on a legacy - of goodness, of generosity and kindness, of humility in achievement and of love. Unprecedented, undying love.

I love you ayee and baba. And you are missed and hopefully in a much happier place.