The infamous original flavour that tasted like nothing original at all and of course the Orange flavour that I spent most of childhood downing. This drink, however, unlike the other two had a very definitive taste and aroma.

Taste

So I cracked open a Lucozade Cherry and gave it a good sniff.  As with wine, if energy drinks smell fowl then they normally taste the same. When I did this I got a strong waft of cherry and it reminded me instantly of Cherry Drops and cherry cough sweets. Although a little bit overpowering at first, I took a good long gulp and was pleasantly surprised. It tasted like it smelled. It was like drinking cherry jam which is a really nice feeling to be honest.

The taste itself was really rather sweet and if you lack the sweet tooth this isn’t a drink for you. After finishing the first one, I went straight onto the next and downed that pretty quickly as well and I have to say by this point the taste was getting a little overbearing. I don’t think it’s a drink that can be had in to large a quantity. As with any quick succession of drinks the ensuing belching tasted like cherry ice cream which was pleasant, I guess, but really got on my nerves as it started to make me feel some what queasy.

Now I’m not saying this is the effect that everyone will get,  but I drank Lucozade Cherry like I do after a rugby match which is to just down a couple and I’m good to go. I have to say this had a different effect on me. It was a lot harder to stomach the sweetness in comparison to the other flavours as an after sport drink.

Ingredients

Lucozade Cherry doesn’t have much to brag about in this category, basically glucose, vitamin c and 46mg of caffeine per 380ml bottle.

Feeling

Well apart from the sickly feeling mentioned above (due to my own fault), it gave the same boost as the good old Lucozade  Energy did. There’s nothing different or special in this one ingredient wise. The steady flow of sugar into my system brought me back up to par after going for a run as have all other Lucozade’s in the past.

Verdict

I’m not a massive fan of cherries, but I felt it was my duty to try this drink out and I have to say I really liked it. I think in my mind it serves a different purpose to the other Lucozades. This one isn’t a drink you down at the end of a game, it’s something you drink over a long period of time and savour the sweet taste. Although Lucozade Cherry’s not a drink for me in its own right, I reckon it’s something a lot of people will like and something people should defiantly try.

I was stoked to see Rockstar Punched Guava in New Zealand stores because of the great review Dusty gave it a little while ago.

However, upon closer examination I discovered that it has a different formulation and not in the good way.

The can did create quite a bit of attention as I was sitting at the cafe eating lunch. People seemed to be amazed and strangely drawn to the huge, purple 500ml can sitting on the table.

Rockstar Energy has established a separate Australian Division to their Company and unfortunately for us has to adjust their drinks to conform to the caffeine regulations in AUS and NZ.

Taste

The good news is Rockstar Punched Guava has pretty much the same taste Dusty raved about. From the first sip I new that it was a winner and with later gulps, I had to remind myself that I was drinking an energy drink…Yes, it is that good! Completely void of any mediciney taste whatsoever.

The only complaint about Rockstar Punched Guava would be that I found it a tad too sweet. It was great at first, but towards the end of the can the 83.5 grams of sugar was making my teeth hurt.

Ingredients

Ok, here’s the sad part. This version of Rockstar Guava only has 160mg of caffeine per 500ml while in the USA this energy drink has 254mg/500ml. Also, the down under version has no milk thistle. As for the rest of the ingredients they appear to be the same.

Effect

I’m sure you know the feeling, you have just eaten lunch and now you’re back to work fighting to stay awake at your desk, right? Well, drinking Rockstar Punched Guava with my lunch completely annihilated my desire for a siesta. I’m not crazy energized, but feel pretty motivated.

Verdict

My number one drink in New Zealand used to be Rockstar Juiced, but then last week Demon Killa Troppo toppled it from its throne. Now it seems I have a new contender in Rockstar Punched Guava. I guess it might come down to price when I’m forced to decide between the two.

When I got this I was so excited. This is an energy drink that for me is almost as amazing as ERECTUS, (another British energy drink that once I find I will be reviewing as well).

In its own right it’s classed as an exclusive energy drink, one that you find in some of the top end clubs in London like the Mews, which is where I first fell in love with it. Stupidly I had the package sent to work, which the goods manager found very amusing when a long package arrived with “PUSSY” written on it.

He very openly delivered the brown package to my desk and exclaimed “Here is your pussy Josh” which took not only me by surprise but the entire office. Giggling aside I opened up the package and with drew the can, it felt like drawing the sword from the stone. A childhood excitement came over me… CHRISTMAS HAD COME!

Taste

Since Pussy only sent me one can, I had to wait for the right moment to crack it open. When the time came, I opened up the can and gave it a good sniff.  The smell of what I can only imagine to be Chinese flowers came to mind. It wasn’t how I remembered it, but I was quite drunk at the time so this was starting a fresh.

I took a sip and was really surprised it had a really subtle taste. Unlike other energy drinks I’ve had which are quite strong, this one was easily drinkable and was a nice change from the standard taste of Relentless and the likes. Over all, the taste was really quite pleasant, but for some reason Pussy made me think that it was more orientated for the female market.

Ingredients

Nothing artificial in this Pussy as it claims to be all natural using a juice blend for flavour and 6 herbs; Milk Thistle, Guarana, Siberian Ginseng, Sarsaparilla, Schizandra, Ginko Biloba. With 90mg of Caffeine.

The Buzz

Well I only have one 250ml can of Pussy Energy Drink so the buzz was not incredible, but for some reason I don’t think this is a drink that your supposed to get an amazing buzz from. It was more of just a pick me up. After about 20 minutes I felt only slightly more alert then before, but not enough to say I was substantially more awake then I had been prior to Pussy.

Verdict

Pussy Energy Drink is something different alright and the name is just downright amusing being right up there with Big Cock Energy Drink.  Whether it would become a staple part of my energy drink diet I don’t know. I would however defiantly recommend it as a drink to try after all, it is Pussy in a can.

Well, nothin says all night lovin like hot Caffeinated “Magic” Brownie Mix from ThinkGeek!

Yes, just when you thought life couldn’t get any more energized, wham! caffeinated brownies are born. This product is sure to give Betty Crocker a marathon for her money with rich chocolate, ground up coffee beans, guarana, and pure caffeine that’s sure to give late night study sessions a whole new meaning.

It totally amazes me to see all the caffeinated products that keep entering the marketplace and this one is no exception. Now if we could just get someone to develop caffeinated cheese, we could truly have heaven on earth!

Anyway, why not give Caffeinated Magic Brownie Mix a try and let everyone know what you think below.  Apologies if the above sounds like a commercial, but I just think stuff like this is cool….

Sorry Reed, lucid honesty is priority #1 on this site.  Let me elaborate:

Taste

You know that face that your mother demanded you stop, with shady threats of it getting stuck that way?  This drink does you the favor of bringing you back to that nostalgic moment of your childhood.  The taste profile is overflowing with confusion, the foundation is unstable, and the aftertaste burns.  Wait, no, this drink burns even long after the taste assault fades.  Burns.  No drink should ever do this.

Before typing anything too rash like I just did, I even let a group of close friends try the drink.  I did so without giving them any indication of my stance, and every single one of them could not even finish the can.

Ingredients

As given away by the title, this drink is also formulated to allow for unfounded health benefit claims.  This is actually a pretty interesting list: Ginger, Green Tea, Goji, Jiaogulan, Camu Camu, Ginseng, L-Theanine, B-Vitamins (few hundred percent).

It’s Reed’s stance that traditional energy drinks hurt our health while doing the nasty.  The Natural Energy Elixir, with these ingredients, is said to energize and improve your health.  Don’t you just love a battle of claims that have zero credibility on both sides of the argument?

Effect

After committing oneself to muscling through one of these drinks, failure here is absolutely not an option.  I was ready to chain the remaining pack of drinks to a cinder block and toss them in the lake after finishing a can.  I reminded myself, though, that I must wait for effects.  I did this three times.  End story: the drinks are at the bottom of the lake after all. Metaphorically.  These drinks are a dud, the natural ingredients just don’t pack the punch.  Surprise, surprise.

Verdict

I hope evolution takes over and this strain does not replicate.  It needs to be exterminated, now.  A trimming of the energy drink gene pool, if you will.  What’s that word?  Ah, yes.  Eugenics. Reed’s Natural Energy Elixir’s label is ugly, the taste is assaulting, and the energy is paltry.

Sure, it’s supposed to be an aid to your health – a medicinal “elixir.”  Truth is, when I need medicinal interventions I go to my doctor for proven methods, so this feature to me is no consolation for the inexcusably poor performance of the drink.  But that’s just all my opinion.

I don’t take forever making my decision in the drive-though line.  I turn off my Bluetooth headset’s blinking light in the movie theater.  I even say hi back to the WalMart greeters, knowing they couldn’t care less about my entrance into their store.

I also don’t go around deliberately bashing energy drink products sent to me for review, menacingly rolling my hands together as I relish the opportunity to tank a start-up company.   But sometimes, manufactures just make my job downright frustrating with horrible products.  I would love to dish out unconditional praise to all the companies out there making energy products, because I don’t want to dampen growth in the industry.

Without blinking an eye, though, I will drop all those aspirations.  For you, the reader, I will always call energy drinks exactly as I see them.  I don’t care how many gobs of samples are sent to me, how nice the PR letter is, or how sweet the swag is.  When it comes to sitting down and cracking open the drink, everything is equalized.  When it comes to that first contact with my tongue, all those words on the container mean nothing.  When it comes to listening in for the effects of the energy drink, I’ve pushed all of the claims out of my head.

It is only when my fingers hit the keyboard that I again pay attention to the image and claims of the energy product.  At that point I’ll introduce my findings to the claims, and what happens, happens.

To anyone who is or who has sent an energy drink product to me for review, this is directed at you just as much as it as the readers of EnergyFiend.  I’m sorry if I diss your brainchild.  It’s nothing personal.  I ask of you, please just try to stay professional and take the review for what it is: free constructive criticism and publicity.

Sin Vitality Drinks are launching this weekend at Halloween Parties throughout Hoboken. They promise it will be a night where “Sin takes over”.

Sin Drinks are made by Next Generation Beverages and they have committed the Sins of Greed, Envy, and Lust now, but plan to commit Wrath, Pride, Gluttony, and Sloth soon.

I’m not sure what the marketing dept. is shooting for with these sinful indulgences? Are they trying to appeal to people’s dark side, thinking that people will want to drink these because it will make them feel like a bad ass? Or are they hoping the fundamental Christians will spot these drinks as a threat to everything Christian and cause a ruckus which equals free press?

Not sure, but this has worked before with products like Harry Potter and The Da Vinci Code. Instead of Christians destroying brands like they hope, they end up propelling them to success with all the free promotion.

In any event, the drink will have to be more than novel to survive in this market so we’ll try to get our hands on some and see how they actually taste. I will, however, have them sent to Dusty because I don’t want my soul to be compromised by induldging in Sin Vitality Drinks!

Translation:

That was just for all of you in the rest of the world who might care to read this.

Now that you understand the name, you can guess that Killa Troppo is  Demon’s stab at the juice energy drink market. They’ve been working hard in New Zealand and Australia to establish themselves as an energy drink leader and they’re doing a good job, I must say and Killa Troppo is no exception.

Taste

Demon Killa Troppo tastes similar to Rockstar Juiced which is orange, mango, and passion fruit flavored. However, in the ingredients I see that apple and pineapple are thrown in there as well. Now listen closely…I’m a big fan of Rockstar Juiced, but Demon Killa Troppo is better! Did you hear me? Yes, a small company from little ol’ New Zealand has beaten an energy drink giant like Rockstar.

Ingredients

The one fault I have with juiced drinks is the use of sucralose (splenda) in them. Killa Troppo has none, it is just sweetened by the fruit juice and plain sugar! No wicked after taste and the right amount of sweetness. Along with the 60% juice you get 140mg of caffeine, taurine, glucuronolactone, inositol,  B2, B5, B6, and B12.

Effect

Despite the “parental advisory”, Demon Killa Troppo energy drink won’t send you soaring by any means unless you’re a light weight. However, it does offer a nice pick-me-up if you need something to get you through the afternoon or a long road trip.

Verdict

If you’re a fan of tropical juice, you’ll love Killa Troppo and although I paid $3.40 for the can at the dairy, Demon often has great deals on their products at the super markets.

Way to go Demon Killa Troppo!  You just replaced my number one go to drink in NZ, which used to be Rockstar Juiced…..

I’ve created this piece to underwrite every future anti energy drink I review.  To help you understand why all of my encounters with anti energy drinks sound confused and scattered.  It’s not me writing with bias against a product that undermines what I love in normal energy drinks.  It’s me taxed with a genuinely difficult task.  Here’s why:

With energy drinks, it’s easy to keep an eye out for any alterations to your reality, no?  A powerful energy drink does a lot of things that one can’t deny feeling.  Eagerness, twitchy movements, a feeling of pressure in the head, alertness.  These are all things that you know to look for, and where, with little experience needed.  As a reviewer of energy drinks, this skill set is paramount to my job.  Being able to second-guess and identify effects that an energy drink attempts to bring to the table.

Now what about anti energy drinks like Drank which are formulated to relax you?  Can you give me a standardized applied definition of relaxation?  It’s not easy.  What am I looking for?  How do I qualify it?

These drinks are meant to relieve stress.  Whereas energy drinks relieve something as relatively simple as fatigue, these drinks seek to relieve a mental state which can be caused by a deeply confusing collection of circumstances.  How far does the stress relief reach – to that time I was bullied in elementary school?  Or just to today’s bad day at work?

These anti energy drinks are meant to improve focus.  On what?  Whatever’s in my foveal field of vision?  Or would it be on the whole project I’m currently dabbling in?

I have no idea what to look for when I consume anti-energy drinks.  Sure, I have a general idea of what the drinks are meant to do, but where do I look to break down how well the drink performs?  I need points to grasp onto and analyze.

As it is right now, I just wait and listen for something unique.  Sometimes I’ll pick up on something, but even then I often don’t know what I noticed.  These are not effects that barge into your reality.  These are effects that are meant slither in undetected and pull you along with them.

How can I be sure the anti energy drink caused them and not the comfy chair I’ve been in?

So, there you go, that’s really all I had to say.  Consider yourself none the wiser with 5 minutes of your life wasted.  You can thank me later.

Written by Dusty Smith

That’s one of the most enjoyable rhymes I’ve heard since “funky monkey” from the Beastie Boys song, “Brass Monkey.”  More thought was certainly put into the name of Perky Jerky than their competitor: Alien Energy Jerky.

Naming is a fraction of the battle, though.  Who’s the better choice when you have carnivorous hankering for a jolt of energy?

Taste

Just thinking back on my experience for what I’m about to write here urged me to pump my hands in the air and sing, “Awesommme!” in the lamest opera voice possible.  Never.  Never, have I ever tasted packaged beef jerky so damn good as Perky Jerky.  Profanity warranted.

Teriyaki seems to be the main flavoring and the consistency of the meat just screams freshness.  If you love beef jerky you need to pause here and go order some now.  Go!  Perky Jerky does not currently exist in alternate flavors.

Ingredients

Perky Jerky makes it no secret that guarana’s the big idea.  Prominently written on the front of the beautifully marked package is, “flavored with guarana.”  Wait, what?  Since when has guarana been used as a flavoring?  Maybe that’s what gave the teriyaki taste.  Because, I mean, otherwise they would have said “flavored with teriyaki” and/or “energized with guarana,” right?  But of course, and they didn’t.  So I’m going to assume that guarana is just used for flavoring, not energy.

Ok, I’m giving this product a hard time.  Guarana is the singular ingredient meant to give Perky Jerky its perk.  Just how much guarana, you ask?  Raise your hand first.  Thank you.  Perky Jerky claims to have the guarana equivalent of 150mg of caffeine.

Effect

Perky Jerky has 40mg more caffeine than Alien Energy Jerky, which was a big letdown product for me in the energy department.  Do those extra 40mg of caffeine do the trick?  Nope.  Jeeze it hurts me to type that word.  I enjoyed this product so immensely that I wanted nothing more than the energy to be there, too.  It’s just not.  Hold me.

Verdict

I’m going to bring this full circle.  Who’s the better choice for energized beef jerky: Perky Jerky or Alien Energy Jerky?  Neither of them gave me a push of energy, so it’s going to come down to taste.  Alien Energy Jerky offers 4 flavors, and not one of them can stand up to Perky Jerky.  Variety, however, is a big plus in my book.  So I guess I’ll have to take a big step back and look at the holistic experience of the two choices.  Um, Perky Jerky it is.