English Jokes

Joke 10

2009-12-09T17:54:00.002-08:00

A men goes to sell his dog..
Buyer asked him,"Is your dog Faithful"???
He replied, "Yes ,very much,I sold him three times ,but it returns to me back"!!!!

Back

Joke 9

2009-12-09T17:54:00.001-08:00

Husband to wife: today is Sunday, I have to Enjoy..
Wife: How?
Husband : I have got three movie tickets..
wife: but we are two, why three tickets??
husband : One for you, and two tickets for your parents !!!!

Back

Joke 8

2009-12-09T17:53:00.001-08:00

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Back

Joke 7

2009-12-09T17:52:00.002-08:00

Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

Back

Joke 6

2009-12-09T17:52:00.001-08:00

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.

Back

Joke 5

2009-12-09T17:51:00.000-08:00

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

Back

Joke 4

2009-12-09T17:48:00.002-08:00

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

Back

Joke 3

2009-12-09T17:48:00.001-08:00

Funny Horse in the House Joke

Joe was trying to lead a horse in the street, but was having much trouble getting the horse’s cooperation. A passerby stopped and asked if he could help. Joe was grateful and gladly accepted.

After much pushing and shoving, they finally got the horse to the front door of Joe’s department. Joe indicated that the horse was to go through the door. More pushing and shoving.

Once inside, Joe and the passerby managed to work the horse up the steps and into Joe’s apartment on the third floor, then through the living room and into the bathtub.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, the good Samaritan said, “I don’t want to be nosy, but this is most unusual…”

Joe said, “When my wife comes home, she’ll look in the bathroom and say, ‘There’s a horse in there!’ “

“Hey, how many times in a man’s life will they ever get the chance to tell their wife, ‘I know! I know!’?”

Back

Joke 2

2009-12-09T17:42:00.000-08:00

Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"

"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."

Back

Joke#1

2009-12-04T13:14:00.000-08:00

Doctor: '' Do you have any aches or pain?''

Patient: ''Yes doctor, it hurt dread - fully to breath. The pain i have is in my breath.''

''Well, don't worry ,'' chuckled the doctor, ''I'll give you something to stop that.

Back