Engrish Comics

Sports Fans

2011-06-15T21:35:00.001-07:00

Smarten up. The riots in Vancouver this evening following the Canuck’s loss in the Stanley Cup final scares the living shit out of me. People who get so riled up that they will become angry and destructive over something as trivial as a hockey game worries me. Cities that pull this shit should have their team taken away. This is total stupidity and is actually quite scary, seeing what people will do over a shiny cup and a stupid game. To quote a friend of mine, Steven F, “The Vancouver riots prove that average intelligence in the population is at a record setting low.”

How does a hockey team losing affect your daily life? Is the sun going to fail to rise? Are you going to lose your job, your home or your family? In case you’re a hockey fan and are therefore too dumb to know the answer: NO, YOU’RE NOT. This kind of sports fanaticism bewilders me, and the mob mentality terrifies me. Protest when the government destroys your freedom. Protest when something meaningful happens or your basic needs are threatened. But when your hockey team loses, just go home and cry.

Grow up, assholes. This is seriously embarrassing. Care passionately about something that MATTERS. Oh, and stop blaming the goalie.

Vote it up! Last day!

2011-05-13T15:18:00.001-07:00

Let’s Vote, People

2011-04-12T20:59:00.001-07:00

http://compellingcomics.justsomeguy.com/CanadaVotes2011/Canada.html

Start reading, educate yourselves and register to vote. We can change the way things are going, so why don’t we?

Still gets me

2011-03-29T13:12:00.001-07:00

I totally forgot about this video until today, and the ending still gets me.

My Idea

2011-03-23T13:32:00.001-07:00

I have an idea for a great new reality show: Husband Hunters. It will chronicle the lives and exploits of “those girls”. Everyone knows one: they come in many forms and disguises, but have one thing in common: they want to get married. Preferably to a rich professional, but as they reach mid-to-late 20’s, they settle for anyone who will marry them. Every aspect of their life revolves around finding a man to settle down with, at which point they can kick off their shoes and socks, get knocked up and never think another original thought again (assuming they had an original thought to begin with).

The most common form is the serial monogamist. She is the girl that skips from one serious relationship to the next, and refuses to be alone. Is she incapable of being alone? Maybe, but we’ll never know if that’s true or not, because she never will be. As soon as one relationship ends, she’s back on the husband hunt, going home with guys from bars, joining every online dating site possible and frequenting student lounges in male-dominated educational institutions. She asks about every male friend you have: your roommates, your brothers and any classmates or acquaintances. This girl is not so subtle, she’s always asking “Is he single?” She’s fun and outgoing, having lots of friends in her brief bouts of being single. But then she disappears into a relationship, never to be seen nor heard from again unless her current BF has a best friend she wants to set you up with or until the next breakup, at which time she resumes being fun and spending time with her girl friends. Make sure you don’t get a boyfriend before her, though. She will sabotage that shit.

The other common form is the high-maintenance husband hunter. This is the girl that walks into your Math 110 class 6 minutes late every day with tons of makeup, big sunglasses, knee-high boots over skinny jeans and a giant purse, but carries no books and might even be wearing a bump-it to get super awesome volume out of her hair extensions. This girl will walk into class late, talking on her cell phone, sit down next to the first decent-looking guy she sees, and asks him questions like “So what are you taking? Pre-med? No? Ok see you later.” at which time she’ll move onto the next one. These girls enroll at the university (or maybe aren’t students at all) just to hook a husband. In the US, she’s likely part of a sorority.

Audrina Patridge is a good example of a husband hunter—why else would anyone date Ryan Cabrera?

This show would be awesome, someone is guaranteed to get pregnant on purpose to “save” a failing relationship. And a few years later, they can move on to being “Real Housewives” of whatever city they happen to live in!

Actually, now that I think of it, I think this might be what The Hills was about…

Does one of these descriptions sound like you? You can be on the show! Or maybe you want to learn about husband hunting? Good news, there’s a book for you to read! (http://www.buzzillions.com/reviews/men-secrets-ultimate-husband-hunter-how-attract-enjoy-dati-reviews)

Zap Collars for Classmates (or coworkers)

2011-03-11T18:19:00.001-08:00

The way that my program is structured, it works out that I am in class with the same 20 women for 40 hours every week. We work in lab groups, we have classes together, we eat lunch together, a few weeks ago, I think all of our monthly cycles synched up (ew, not really). It’s a lot of time spent together, anyway.

As we all know, my tolerance for humans runs on the low to dangerously-low end of the spectrum. I get sick of people quickly, and it’s a new and exciting thing when I find someone who doesn’t aggravate the hell out of me after 3 hours spent together. Anyway, since August, I have spent every weekday with these girls, and I’m way past sick of it. I’m having a pretty severe reaction to a fair number of them. Yes, the majority of my classmates anger me to no end. I’m sure no one is surprised. And since I despise it when people complain without bothering to offer a solution, I have one.

I need zap collars for some of these girls, like people use for yappy dogs. Hear me out, the behaviours I have in interest in curbing are reasonable: stupid questions, know-it-all attitudes (particularly when she doesn’t ACTUALLY know it), interrupting others, memorizing and regurgitating things without actually understanding them, bossing around instructors, bossing around peers, talking too loud in class, texting incessantly, telling a stupid story, telling an irrelevant story, asking underhanded and judgmental questions in a Jesus-loving fashion, bragging about money, being naïve, being a baby, complaining about problems without trying to solve them, blurring the lines between instructor and friend, etc. Here’s how it works:

“So <instructor’s name>, what are you doing this weekend?” Inappropriate!

“So why do you just live together? Why aren’t you and Matt married?” Judgemental!

“Instructor, come over here.”
”Instructor, turn the lights on.”
”Instructor, are you sure what you’re saying is correct?”
”Giggle giggle giggle”
Bossy bratty little bitch!

“Do we need to know this? Is this on the test?” Stupid question!

Know it all!

“I hate this. This is so dumb and it’s not working.”
Jacquie: “How should we fix it?”
”I don’t know. Did you do what the textbook says?” Stupid and not helpful!

“One time I saw on a movie blah blah blah” Irrelevant and waste of my time!

Interrupting the instructor?

After a while, of course, the collar wouldn’t administer electric shock, it would just make a buzzing noise, to remind the individual that they were still doing the undesirable activity that Jacquie (and any other reasonable person) hates. Until the behaviour had been adequately diminished, ideally, cured.

Day 28

2011-02-18T13:31:00.001-08:00

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.

Biggest fear: Our house burning down while we’re away with the kitties locked inside. :( :(

Day 27

2011-02-17T21:00:00.001-08:00

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.

Why just one? All the cousins on my dad’s side @ Heather’s wedding in 2007!

Still can’t believe my dress turned out to be the same colour as the bride’s. Oopsie daisy.

Day 26

2011-02-16T20:04:00.001-08:00

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

I’m very lucky to be healthy and hope to stay that way for quite some time.

Day 25

2011-02-15T13:12:00.001-08:00

Day 25 - A picture of your day.

Morning:

It’s not exactly what our equipment looks like at school, but it’s close. We had lab practical evaluations this morning.

Afternoon:

Learning about ERCP and other biliary system special procedures. Oh joy of joys.

Day 24

2011-02-13T09:01:00.001-08:00

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.

If I won the lottery, I would take all the kitties out of shelters and give them head kisses. And I would find their neglectful previous owners and punch them in the neck.

Day 23

2011-02-10T19:26:00.001-08:00

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.

Day 22

2011-02-07T20:12:00.001-08:00

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.

Day 21

2011-02-06T19:31:00.001-08:00

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.

Seriously—go away, Katy Perry.

Day 20

2011-02-04T21:52:00.001-08:00

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.

There are tons of places I’d like to go, and a few I’d love to go back to, but Morocco is near the top of the list, for sure.

Day 19

2011-02-03T20:21:00.001-08:00

Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.

Day 18

2011-02-02T20:00:00.001-08:00

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

I get really offended when people treat me like I’m an idiot, and I am insecure about people looking at me like I’m the dumb girl.

Day 17

2011-02-01T13:52:00.001-08:00

Day 17 - A picture of something you hate.

Lately, I hate driving. People in Saskatoon are terrible drivers.

Day 16

2011-01-31T19:33:00.001-08:00

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.

I feel like Gordon is so misunderstood. People mistake his passion and confidence for arrogance and meanness. Despite the fact that he’s misunderstood and people think he’s “mean”, he’s still wildly successful and no one could deny his talent, no matter what they think of his personality.

Interlude

2011-01-30T21:08:00.001-08:00

This is an important issue to those of us that use and dearly love the internet. The CRTC is allowing providers to charge their clients extra for their internet based on time usage/downloading. This is over and above the base cost that you already pay.

Sign the petition against this, and send this link to everyone you know. Canadians aren’t known for standing together and changing something with their government, but I think it’s high time we start finding our collective backbone. Too much political apathy in the younger generations has lead to this, and it’s just the beginning. Sign it and pass it along. It takes eight seconds to do it.

Day 15

2011-01-30T20:58:00.001-08:00

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

This is just a sampling. I love to travel and I would like to visit the wonders of the world, among other places. Happily, a couple of these places can already be checked off the list.

Day 14

2011-01-27T16:26:00.001-08:00

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

Day 13

2011-01-26T20:31:00.001-08:00

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

Some of these are way too hard to narrow down. Jack White, Tegan & Sara and The Sadies, to name a few.

Day 12

2011-01-25T20:40:00.001-08:00

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

Physics!

Day 11

2011-01-24T20:24:00.001-08:00

Day 11 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

Kittens and school have been filling most of my time. Kittens also tend to hinder my schoolwork, as pictured here.