Enhance Life

Get That Happy Friday Feeling At The Beginning Of The Week

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:28:00 +0000

It’s Monday morning and I hit the “snooze” button twice, then finally got myself off the bed (At the start of the week, whatever side of the bed you get out of, usually feels like the wrong one!). My eyes were still closed as my feet slid across the floor on my way to the bathroom. My thought process seemed to have awakened and it was yapping away..
“Four more days until its Saturday again; I have five more months until my vacation, and there is another thirty six years until I retire! “
How is it that some people can get out of bed early and start their day with a smile, while others don’t speak in the morning until they get to work?

Side note: According to Depak chopra, more people have heart attacks on Monday morning rather than any other time.

I wish we could hit rewind and relive the relaxation of our weekends. Nice.. back to earth, surely, there must be better ways to make the start of the week feel less like a marathon! After some reading on the internet it seems we can eliminate some of the stress with a few tricks, put into practice over the weekend and first thing Monday morning.

1. Keep it clean on Friday evenings!

Before you leave the office on Friday, make sure
1. To write the to do list for Monday
2. To De-clutter your desk
3. That you inbox is clear leaving only the weekend’s emails to read on Monday.

2. Sleep “right” during the weekend!

Most people use the weekends as a time period to “catch-up” on sleep they missed during the week. Although I am far from a sleep expert, I disagree with this notion of catching up on missed sleep. I have found that this often throws off my sleep cycle making Monday’s wake up much more difficult.
Make sure you start winding down for bed at a reasonable hour to allow enough time for a healthy night’s sleep.

3. Choose your weekend activities wisely

What you do during the weekend has a big impact on the days to follow. Are you painting the walls, going rock climbing etc… don’t misunderstand; I am not implying that you should not do these things. Just, span them in a manner that is less exerting for you.

If you sit in front of the television glued to a couch most of the time… definitely, Monday is going to hard! Also, if there are TV programs that run late on Sunday night, record them and watch over the week.

Think when you drink(ahem..)

4. Over the weekend, pick what you will wear on Monday

This can be a source of much apprehension (and annoyance) on mornings just after shower.
To solve this, try to decide the night before what you're going to wear and put them in a separate area of the closet, away from the rest of your clothes. Promise yourself that ensemble is exactly what you will put on that day. No use preparing if you'll be changing your mind in the morning!

5. Get out of the bed immediately once you hear the alarm

When you hear the alarm in the morning, the voice in your head is just coaxing you to go to sleep despite your best intents to want to wake up (Don't think about how nice your bed feels..there are better feelings out there!). Instead of giving it the chance to speak, immediately get your physical body out of the bed and walk out!
Once you last the first 5 minutes, you will find that sleepiness wears off very quickly and the day actually moves ahead as your other days.

Finally…
Your mornings set the tone for the rest of the day. A carefree and lazy start may be a relaxing way to start your day but it tends to result in a similar attitude throughout your day. Similarly, a frustrated or stressful start to your morning will color your attitude thereafter.

Lose an hour in the morning, and you will be all day hunting for it.~Richard Whately

How Much Control Do We Really Have Over Our Own Lives?

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 16:57:00 +0000

Playing with the cards we are dealt with

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. ~Josh Billings

When any year begins everyone is filled with good cheer and look forward to the days with much hope. You feel as if you have a handful of Ace’s.

But as each day unfolds, the cards you receive are different. Sometimes, you think ahead and can predict what cards you get; other times, you know what card you need to play to get the card you want. The rest of time, no matter what we had planned and no matter how much you try to control the cards you get, life seemed to have its own plans!

How much control do we really have over our own lives?

I guess this is the “fate or destiny” question. I’ve casually philosophized about it before but this time it’s personal. I’m not trying to be whiny so please excuse me if I come off that way, but lately I find that when I sit back and “let things fall into place” they really don’t, and when I “take control of my life” I’m only in control of so much.

A conversation with my positive attitude(PA) kicks in,
PA: Your mind and your spirit are of you.
The drive and determination you have to achieve something true and real, is only successful, if you can take a look at the world around you and realize that it, is out of control, not you.

You have control over your life. You control what you think. You control how you ac , how you look and you control the people that you have in your life.
Note: by control, I mean "who", not forcing people to do stuff against their will.

me: But how do I know if I am in control?
PA:well, If you can be quiet, inside of your own mind, with it yelling back at you. You are in control.

me: Geeze, my mind is always yelling at me, I must be crazy!
PA:You aren't Crazy, You are in more control.
That control is an integral part of your life, what you think, and how you feel, is YOURS
No one else’s.

NO ONE else put that thought into your head and if they did, congratulate them for planting some seeds!

me: Silent for now…

2009 Wind Down Of Enhance Life

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 05:14:00 +0000

Every year, during the last week of December, I have something similar to the Oscars on EnhanceLife, with one minor exception. You don't need to be a Hollywood celebrity or wear a glamorous outfit to attend!

Here goes..

Most commented post - Waiting Time Doesn't Have To Be Wasted Time!
Most linked post - 18 Personal Development Bloggers & Their Head Turning Remarks
Most visited post -8 Common Mistakes Made, After A Mistake Was Made
My Favorite post - Tired & True Ways Of Recovering From Setbacks
The HARSH truth post - Do You Belong?
Debatable post - Is Heavy Thinking Ruining Your Life?
Health post - 9 Healthier Ways To De-stress
‘Such is Life’ post - Decision Making On Money, Love, Work & Health: Why Decisions Errors Are Made
Living simplified post - Writing Effective Meeting Notes : Take Your Note-Taking Efficiency To New Heights!
Career post - Leadership: 5 Facts Leadership Gurus Don’t Tell
Communication post- 7 Impressive Traits Of Power Talkers
Ass kicking post!- Jumpstart Your Initiative, You Have Waited Long Enough

Leave a comment and make your vote count!

And before you leave your seats...
I want to thank all of you who visit Enhance Life and have supported me throughout the year. I wish you and yours a wonderful holiday season and a new year filled with much happiness, good health and prosperity.

Goals Begin Behaviors. Consequences Maintain Behaviors

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:38:00 +0000

Note: A colleague of mine shared with me via email. I thought that this would be useful to you, thus decided to make it a post on EnhanceLife

"Once there was a bright young man who was looking for an effective manger. He wanted to work for one. He wanted to become one. His search had taken him over many years to the far corners of the world." Finally he met the One minute Manager who shared the secrets of "one minute management". He was neither autocratic nor democratic; neither tough nor nurturing. He taught three secrets of the one minute management to the young person. We also going to learn them.

"People who feel good about themselves produce good results"

Secret #1 : One minute Goal Setting

The first secret of the three is "One minute Goal Setting". It is about making sure that we know what good performance is. One minute manager sets each goal and its performance standards with his subordinates in a paper with less than 250 words, something can be read in less than one minute. Once a while people can spend a minute and read the goal and see whether the behavior matches the goal. We certainly have this in our OPM process.

Goal setting is so important so that the people can feel that they are achieving. When you go for bowling and if there are no pins standing, would you ever roll the ball? When there are pins but if they are covered with a paper screen, you would try rolling and might hear some sounds which makes you happy. But you would not enjoy the game much. So the manager responsibility is to make the pins visible and then there is no doubt that the people will enjoy the work.

Secret #2 : One Minute Praising

"Help People to Reach Their Full Potential. Catch Them Doing Something Right"

Most often manages catch people when they do something wrong. They are watching behind the paper screen so that they can see the pins well. They would say that you missed eight pins instead of telling that you hit two. The second secret of one minute management is "One Minute Praising". People should told right from the start that you are going to let them know how they are doing. Once a good work done people should be praised immediately and it should be specifically about the particular work and not a general praise. Just spend only one minute for this. Tell them how good you feel and let them feel it and encourage them to do more of the same.

Secret #3 : One minute Reprimand

"We are not just our behavior. We are the person managing our behavior"

The third secret of the one minute manager is "One minute Reprimand". Sometimes really bad things happen and then, you need to go for one minute reprimand. As in the previous secret your should do this immediately. Divide your minute into two. In the first 30 second, tell what went wrong and tell how you feel about it and let them also feel it. During the second half you should remind them how valuable they are to you and to the organization. Reaffirm that you condemn the behavior but you value the person because the person is not just the behavior. Finally agree not to repeat the same.

"The best minute you spend is the one you invest in people"

"Everyone is a potential winner. Some People are disguised as losers, Don't let their appearances fool you"

The most important lesson we can learn from this book is,

"Goals begin behaviors. Consequences maintain behaviors."

Finally our young guy became an effective manager by learning and practicing the above secrets and came up with a new principal.

7 Reasons Why Things Don’t Get Done

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 13:31:00 +0000

It’s been almost a month since I last wrote a post on Enhance Life. This is by far the longest period I have gone an post update! Truth be told, I had several unfinished drafts that needed a bit of tweaking before I could publish them. But for some reason, I just couldn’t focus or feel passionate about the topics I had previously written. This resulted in me having to write a post from scratch, which took more time than I imagined!

And that’s where the title of this post stems from. I’ve read a lot about “how to get things done” and improve productivity. But despite all that well meant advice, sometimes, you just don’t get things done! So today, I thought of exploring a couple of reasons, why we don’t see the results we want at the end of the day.

1. No clear goals

Without a specific sense of purpose, it’s impossible to effectively manage and organize your priorities. If you don’t have a clear idea of where you want to go, any road will take you there!

2. Lack of priorities

The best to do list ever written is useless if it hasn’t been prioritized. Most people naturally work on the easy or fun things first. They may cross off majority of their list, but miss the most important items.

3. No daily plan

Beginning your day without a plan of action is a formula for spending all day doing the wrong things. It invites anyone and everyone to interrupt your activities. You will passively allow unwelcome intrusions, because you’ll have no way to defend yourself.

4. Procrastination

It sometimes seems like a good idea to put things off for tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day. But it catches up with you!

5. Personal disorganization

No matter how organized your priorities are or how effective your daily plan is, you may be losing irretrievable time searching for things that are lost in the messes on your desk, in your files, closets and even your car!

6. Perfectionism

Are you unable to complete and release an… until its perfectly done?
Can you still see ways for something to be done better? Even if you can’t see anything, does it nag you that there must be something you overlooked?

7. Interruptions

Your day can be going according to schedule until a friend drops in or a game of warcraft commences. May of these occurrences can be eliminated, those that can’t, MUST be controlled.

3 Steps To Achieve Better Self Discipline

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:20:00 +0000

I have come across many occasions where part of me wants to engage in a productive activity, such as working on a blog post, cleaning etc. However, at the same time, another part of me wants to watch some television, may be eat some chocolates or do anything else to avoid doing something I consider productive! I am sure you can relate to similar situations.

Self discipline is one of the most important and useful inner powers in everyone's life. It has always been considered an essential tool for success, in all areas of life.

Self discipline can be learned and developed like any other skill. Sadly, only few take any steps to develop and strengthen them in a systematic way.

This is an area I am trying to develop myself and I turned to, Self-Discipline In 10 Days, Going From Thinking To Doing, a book by Dr.Brooks & Dr.Goldstein.

Here are a few highlights….
Self-discipline is:
Becoming aware of your subconscious resistances to action, then overcoming those resistances.

The process of coordinating your conscious and subconscious psychological elements.

1. Accept Ownership for Your behavior

This should not be confused either with blaming ourselves or justifying behaviors that are inappropriate. Acceptance implies that we assume responsibility for our actions. We don’t resort to realizations such as “He made me angry”, “She was very persuasive, and that’s why I did such a foolish thing.”

2. Think before you act- Become a proactive problem solver

When I read that one, my reaction was “ya, right.. .. easier said than done.”. Most likely, we all have occasionally acted without thinking. At times it may be adaptive to do so, such as when we instinctively jump out of the way of an incoming car. At other times, no hard is done by an impulsive action.

3. Be consistent, not rigid

We often witness this in people whose mood on a particular day determines their behavior and their level of self-control. Their response to similar situations varies based on how they are feeling at the moment, rather than on the reality of the situation.

Time is the one indispensable ingredient of accomplishment. Everything you want to achieve requires time. The only way you can get enough time to do the things that can really make a difference in your life is by conserving time that you would normally spend somewhere else. You are surrounded by people and circumstances that waste your time and undermine your effectiveness all day long. Only by practicing rigorous self-discipline can you free yourself from these thieves of time.

Network Your Way To Success: 7 Practical Tips

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 03:14:00 +0000

Any successful person will no doubt testify that in addition to their technical and professional capability, their ability to establish and develop effective/lasting relationships is critical, to success.

Harsh Truths: Why Relationships Are Critical For Success

1. Whether it's “getting that first big break”, landing the job, winning the promotion, gaining the sale, [your list here] …. you NEED to get cooperation and help from other people.

2. People are more likely to help their friends than strangers.

3. When it comes to choosing a supplier or business partner etc., Most people prefer someone they know and trust.

Your ability to be charming, to be a genuinely likable and pleasant person, will open more doors for you, than any other quality.

In theory, building good relationships and connecting with people is easy. In reality, we all know relationships can often seem like fragile things. It’s often built and destroyed by the actions we take.
Here are several practical tips to help network your way to success.

1. Take Initiative To Be Helpful.

Too many people wait for others to go first. They adopt the attitude, “When and if you do for me, I’ll do for you.”

Take the initiative. It doesn’t have to be too time consuming on your part. Give them leads that may help them. For example, connect people to other people who may be a resource to them.
Why? What better way to build strong relationships than by giving something of value to other people.

2. Don’t Be That Person, People Want To Avoid!

Many of us have people in our lives that we can't stand. Some would swear that they are just about everywhere! If so, it’s likely that you would try to avoid situations where you would be forced to deal with people such as these. Don’t let that person be you!

3. Stay True To Your Commitments.

This seems simple enough. However, how often have you experienced people doing the exact opposite? I have experienced this times. As a customer, I get told the work will be done tomorrow, and then it is not!
Set the right expectations with others and then live up to those expectations. If for some reason you are unable to meet these expectations, keep others informed in advance so that they won’t feel let down at the last minute.

4. Build An Impeccable Relationship With Your Boss

The relationship you have with your boss can be a major factor in determining your destination on the career ladder. It can be a wellspring of growth possibilities if nurtured properly or a career minefield if left to go sour. Thus, developing a good relationship with your boss is your best job skill and highly useful one, no matter where you work.

5. Exhibit Total Professionalism

Never participate in gossip or in discussing the business of coworkers behind their backs. People will trust you and know that what they tell you is safe in your hands. Alliances only work when trust is present.

6. Fine Tune Your Communication

The ability to communicate in an informal and friendly manner is essential for every aspect of a person's business, social, and personal life.
So, make an effort to improve your diplomacy, style, pitch, vocabulary & tone.

7. Don’t Forget Your Roots.

You are what you are today because of your family, friends, schools, previous jobs, and places you’ve lived.
Let the people that matter to you most know that you need them. Let them know they’ve helped or inspired you. Offer your gratitude and attention for their contributions.

If you leave it all behind, you lose touch with an integral part of you.

Are You Practicing Being Unhappy?

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:58:00 +0000

You probably read the headline twice. You might have wondered whether the author of this post has made a mistake in writing the headline or think this post is plain ridiculous!

Of course you won’t “practice” being unhappy; at least not intentionally. But what do I mean by “Practicing Being Unhappy”?
Suppose, for argument’s sake that your goal was to be as unhappy, frustrated, and stressed out as possible. What would you need to do? The only way to guarantee that you would success would be to think lots of unhappy, angry, stressful thoughts. Without them, you wouldn’t be able to be as unhappy as you’d like.

This works because our thoughts are closely linked to our state of mind and the way we feel, we need to think negatively before we actually can feel that way. If you don’t believe me, give it a try. Just try to get upset right now without first thinking about something that upsets you.

We are always thinking, every moment of the day. It just that we’re not always aware that we are doing so. Thinking is a bit like breathing in the sense that, until you read the word “breathing” just now, you probably weren’t aware of your breath. Thinking is like that too. It goes on and on, whether we are aware of it or not.

The problem is, if we’re not aware of the link and connection between our thoughts and the way we feel, our thoughts can and often do encourage us to feel bad. This in turn, makes us act out in negative ways.

If you can catch yourself thinking negatively and drop those thoughts, then often you can snap yourself out of a negative state of mind simply by realizing. That doesn’t mean that it’s always going to be easy, but it sure helps to get you back on track!

Fast Start Guide To Enhance Life

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 11:22:00 +0000

Enhance Life started with my first post Welcome To Enhance Life, way back in 26th September 2006! Can't believe I have been blogging for 3 years!

Over the years, Enhance Life has accumulated hundreds of posts. Most of which you might have missed. This page is a one stop page, where I have tried to highlight the best posts, of all these years. Happy Reading...

Personal Development

Personal Finance

Productivity

Think Tank

Healthy Living

Perseverance: True Voices of Cancer Survivors (Book Review)

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 02:59:00 +0000

Cruising through life.. everything is going well; graduation, career, wedding, children … You have a lifetime planned ahead.
Then suddenly, life takes a twist of its own.
It may be
a lump that can't be ignored,
irritating pain that keeps re-occurring
....
"You have Cancer" are words that no one wants to hear, yet every day families around the world hear these words, and fear the worst. From there onwards, life is not the same anymore.

In Perseverance: True Voices of Cancer Survivors (by Carolyn Rubenstein) you will find 20 such young adults who share in their own words, their experience with cancer. They describe how they discovered they had cancer, how they felt once they were diagnosed, how they treated it and continue to treat it, how life changed because of it, and what the future holds for them.

I found the book to be emotionally gripping. Each story is truly unique, with its own message and theme that contributes to many life lessons. It teaches us to appreciate life, be courageous and persevere in whatever circumstance. The experiences of these survivors, how they went through difficult times, overcame them and made something of themselves is truly inspiring and strengthening.

Perseverance not just for people who have been diagnosed with cancer. Reading this made me realize how wonderful life is and to not take each day for granted. This book and those who shared their stories within it reminds us that no matter what obstacles we encounter in life, big or small, we should never stop living your life to its fullest.

I invite you to watch the video, where Carolyn Rubenstein discusses her book Perseverance on NBC's Today Show.

5 Must-Have Persuasion Fundamentals To Get Your Own Way

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 04:19:00 +0000

You have being trying to get your own way since you were a baby. Crying, smiling, banging your hands on the table.. primitive to be sure- but effective.

Fast forward several years…
Wanting to get your way may have others define you as persistent, stubborn, hardheaded, or some other form of being tenacious. But the bottom line of other’s perception is of you is the way, the manner by which, you choose to try to get your way.

1. Explaining What, why, and how

People start out skeptical. They want to know; what is this? Why will this work? Why do you want me to do this? Why are you asking me? What are you trying to accomplish? What will this mean to me? How will this affect me? How do I win?

Your ability to plausibly explain goes a long way towards getting your way.

2. Explaining what’s in for them

People are more likely to be persuaded if they see how they win as a result of following your lead or seeing it your way.

3. Your sincerity

Your conviction is part of their “buy-in-false” sincerity eventually shows.. and smells

4. Your believability

Are you making statements that others can relate to? That others find conceivable? Conceivable leads to believable.

5. Your questioning skills

This is one of your major keys to persuasion and getting your way. Not telling- asking, are you asking questions that relate to the other person? Questions about them, that make them stop and think, and respond in terms of you? Powerful persuasion starts with powerful questions. Ask their opinion. Solicit their expertise. Ask about their experience.

6. Your reputation precedes you

Reputation is so powerful, it can make getting your way an automatic yes if yours is exceptional or an automatic no if yours is “iffy”

No one single item from this list will complete the process. The more you master each of them, the more persuasive you’ll become, and the more you will get your way.

You will not get your way all the time. However, by polishing your skills, deepening your belief and developing a passion for what you want, you will get your way more often.

21 To-Do List Mistakes That Stop You From Completing Your To-Do List

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 11:30:00 +0000

You use a to-do list to guide you; to plan and schedule what must be done. Having such a list is a great start, but do you get the satisfaction of ever completing your to-do list?

It’s frustrating.. and sometimes you wondering why?

On Writing …

1. You don’t always get the lurking items out of your head and onto the to-do list.

2. You are not clear about what you are trying to accomplish and why.

3. The to-do list does not reflect the most important task, you need to achieve for a given day.

4. The tasks are not properly broken down into sub-tasks.

5. Dependent tasks are not properly identified.

6. The tasks in the to-do list are too vague.

7. You have not “grouped” related tasks.

8. You haven’t prioritized the to-do list.

9. You don’t keep a separate list for each category (home, work etc).

10. You prioritize the to-do list incorrectly.

11. You keep adding new tasks continuously.

12. The to-do list is too long.

13. The to-do list is badly worded.

14. You have more items on your to-do list than you have time to do!

On Execution...

15. You get side tracked with distractions.

16. You don’t set time-lines on tasks.

17. Keeping track of the to-do list and updating it is too complex (electronic versions etc)

18. You don’t have the to-do list with you all the time and sometimes, unsure of what to do next.

19. You do tasks that are not in the list (that eats up your time!)

20. You don’t use your most productive hours, for demanding tasks.

21. You don’t review your to-do list regularly (morning, evening?)

Be ruthless… reexamine your to-do list. Are any of your mistakes listed here? Any more you would like to contribute to the above list?

Are Your Priorities Aligned With Your Schedule?

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 13:20:00 +0000

Sometimes we can get so caught up in whirlpool of day to day living that we lose sight of those things that matter to us, the most. (If you naturally start nodding to that sentence, keep reading!)

In his book, First Things First Steven Covey describes a lecture he attended on the topic of time. The lecturer took a large glass jar and set it down on a table with some small rocks beside it. He placed the rocks in the jar and asked the audience whether they thought the jar was full.

Everybody laughed and replied that yes, it was full. Then the lecturer reached under the table and pulled out a container of gravel. He poured in the gravel and shook the jar so that the gravel filled the spaces that had been left by the rocks. Again he asked the audience if the jar was full. By this time they had cottoned on, and replied no.

“Good” he replied. And he reached under the table and repeated the process, only thing time with sand, which went into the spaces left by the rocks and the gravel. Then he asked what had been the point of the demonstration.
Somebody said, “Well, there are gaps, and if you really work at it, you can always fir more into your life.”
“No” he said, “that’s not the point. The point is this: If you hadn’t put these big rocks in first, would you ever have gotten any of them in?”

Let’s try to relate this illustration to our lives..
The “rocks” are representation of the things that are really important to us. The gravel represents the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The sand is everything else; the small stuff. If we put the sand and gravel into the jar first, there’s no room for the rocks.

Are you putting the 'big rocks' first, or do gravel, sand and water dominate your life?

As Stephen Covey says, take care of the rocks first –the things that really matter. Set your priorities, the rest is just gravel and sand.

Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. ~Goethe

Decision Making On Money, Love, Work & Health: Why Decisions Errors Are Made

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 12:15:00 +0000

Decision making is something that happens throughout our day but with different degrees of importance, urgency and consequential outcomes.
Your life at this very moment is the result of every decision you have made along the way. There is no doubt how easy life will turn out to be, if we can make good decisions quickly and easily. But we both know that in reality decision making is not that clear cut!
Everyone makes wrong decisions sometimes or bad ones for that. I am sure you can recall moments where you said to yourself, “I wish I didn't make THAT decision”.
How many times have you heard stories about smart people making stupid decisions with their money? This happens all too often and baffles everyone. Have you ever wondered why intelligent, sensible people make such mistakes and rash decisions?

Guidelines, strategies that tell us how to make a decision. Sadly, it doesn’t always produce a correct answer. However, sometimes they are the reasons why people make the wrong decisions.

Given below are such 12 such heuristics, with reference to the book, Changing Minds In Detail. (A slight tilt towards psychology)

1. We Are Too Confident In Our Own Judgments

(Overconfidence barrier)Over confidence is feeling of exaggerated trust in someone or something, which is in decision making process, especially in evaluation of alternatives.

2. Our Moods Bias Our Judgments

(Mood-Congruent Judgment)When we are in a good mood, we see the world in a more friendly light, and our judgments are more positive. Likewise, when we are grumpy we evaluate things around us as being bad.

3. We Value Certain Gains & Try To Avoid Certain Losses

(Prospect Theory)We tend to value a gain, that is certain more than a gain that is less than certain, even when the expected value of each is the same. The opposite is even truer for losses: we will clutch at straws to avoid a certain loss, even if it means taking even greater risks.

4. We Are Reluctant To Pull Out Of An Investment

(Sunk-Cost Effect)We all know that we can reverse the past, and we can’t get back money or time that we already spent. But many people irrationally take sunk costs, time, money, or other resources which have already been spent and can't be recovered, into their decision making.

5. We Pay More Attention To Some Facts, Than Others

(Focusing Effect)When we are making judgments, we tend to weigh attributes and factors unevenly, putting more importance on some aspects and less on others.
This is typically due to factors such as stereotyping and schemas that we use that bring certain factors to mind and downplay others.

6. We Value More Highly The Things We Own

(Endowment Effect)The endowment effect, also known as “status quo bias”, is the phenomenon in which most people would demand a considerably higher price for a product that they own than they would be prepared to pay for it.

7. Agreeing With What Supports Beliefs And Vice Versa

(Disconfirmation bias)When people are faced with evidence for and against their beliefs, they will be more likely to accept the evidence that supports their beliefs with little scrutiny yet criticize and reject that which disconfirms their beliefs.

8. We Only Use Limited Logic In Decisions

(Bounded Rationality)We will try to logically understand things and make sensible choices. However, the world is large and complex, and we do not have the capacity to understand everything. We also have a limited time in which to make decisions.

9. We Prefer A Known Probability To An Unknown One

(Ambiguity Effect)When people make decisions, sometimes they have a good understanding of the probability of something happening whilst other times the situation is ambiguous, whereby the probability of the event is unknown. In such situations, people are more likely to choose the former situation, preferring a known probability over an unknown probability.

10. Recent Events Seem More Likely

(Availability Heuristic)We make a judgment based on what we can remember, rather than complete data. In particular, we use this for judging frequency or likelihood of events. Since we remember recent experiences or reports, then the news has a significant effect on our decisions.

11. We Base Decisions On Available Small Samples

(Biased sampling)When we need to make a decision and when we have very little real information about the subject in question, we will blithely base our decision on that very limited and hence biased sample.
For example, if we go to a restaurant for one meal and then someone asks us what the restaurant is like, we will give an authoritative pronouncement, based on that single experience.

12. Belief We Can Predict Random Events

(Gambler's Fallacy)I toss a coin and it comes down heads. I expect the next coin to be more likely to be tails than heads. It comes down heads. Now I am even more convinced that the subsequent coin will very likely be tails. If I am a betting person, I might double my bet each time, sure that I will walk away a winner.

13. Assuming Success Breeds Success

(Hot Hand Phenomenon)When a person succeeds at something then they are more likely to succeed in subsequent attempts, whereas the truth is that they are still governed by the laws of chanced.
Whilst there is some truth in this in that a person may be particularly fit or their confidence is boosted by an initial success, the 'Hot Hand' phenomenon goes past this where people make assumptions that are statistically inaccurate.

Has your decision making been influenced by the above heuristics? Was the outcome good/bad ?

Film Yourself, It’s The Only Way!

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 12:18:00 +0000

A few weeks ago, I was invited to make a 2 hour presentation at a local university on “How To Develop a Plan to Boost Your Blog’s Profile and Readership Online ”.

I have been blogging for around 3 years and I felt I had good handle, on what to say and how to say it. I did research, prepared, practiced and was ready.

About 2 days before the presentation, I received a call from one of the event organizers. He asked, “Would you mind if we videotape your presentation?” I was flattered. I had never been videotaped before, and I told him that if I received a master copy, I would be happy to let them video me.

Fast forward to the day of the presentation
When the presentation was over, everyone applauded. I thought I did a great job.

Yesterday, I was handed the DVD recording of my talk. Last night, I popped some popcorn, called the cat, inserted the DVD, clicked on the machine, and sat back in my easy chair to watch “me in action”.

After 15 minutes of watching my 2 hour presentation, I was gripping the arm of my chair so hard that I couldn’t remove my fingers. In short, it was bad!
Mostly, there wasn’t anything wrong with the content. It was more to do with my hand gestures, the way I stood … (I could give a list of things here, but I want to save myself from any further embarrassment!)

I watched with pain for the next 1 hour and 45 minutes (even the cat ran away!)….

Then I watched it again! This time, I took notes.

I made a complete list of everything I did wrong, printed it out, and plan on carrying it for every presentation!

The moral of the story is if you don’t film yourself, you’ll never know how good or bad you are.

Recording myself gave me a reality (and a reality check!), and it provided a platform for me to learn and improve. Had my talk not been recorded that day, I would have never known the power of recording, and I would have walked away thinking I did a great job.

If I asked you how good you are, you would probably say, “I am pretty good”. I would respond and say, “Without a videotape, you have no idea”.

Waiting Time Doesn't Have To Be Wasted Time!

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 21:11:00 +0000

I left work early today so that I could get to my dentist’s appointment on time. I arrived 10 minutes ahead of time, only to find out that the doctor was running an hour and a half behind. Obviously, the staff never bothered to call and tell me the doctor was running so far behind! < Imagine my annoyance, when a load of things I could have done at work flashed through my mind!>

I didn’t have time to go back to office and come back, since the journey itself would have taken another hour. So, my only option was join the others in the waiting room. Most of them were sitting impatiently counting ceiling tiles, except for one lady. She had several small sheets of paper (looked like bills) around her, and she was writing on a checkbook. She seemed wrapped up in what she was doing and didn’t look as if she was bothered by the delay.

I was impressed by HOW she decided to spend her “waiting time”. Even more, I was inspired by her preparation. It was as if, she expected to wait a long time!

Unfortunately, I didn’t have my checkbook with me, to do something similar. However, I dug out my notebook and pen from my handbag, and started drafting this post…

Most of us don't see that waiting time as a cost to us; but it is. Minutes add up to hours and hours to days. As we spend time waiting, we end up wasting days of doing nothing but just waiting.
That’s not the only thing, how your waiting time goes affects your mood and productivity, long after the waiting time is over!

So, my message for you today is..

Realize in advance when you may be forced to wait.

Expect to be delayed; Expect to be waiting => Be Prepared

Some of us are better at dealing with that than others. What about you?
Are you the sort of person who is generally prepared for delays/waiting time?

Harry Potter Author J.K Rowling: On Turning A Great Story Into A Billion-Dollar Franchise

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 13:15:00 +0000

It all began with one single book; an idea revolving the character of Harry Potter. When the first book hit the shelves, there was much hype around the world. At the time, I didn’t care too much of the book, thinking… it’s yet another children’s novel that delves into the supernatural realm of magic.

Years have passed since that day, and the Harry Potter series continue to be a runaway smash hit. What started out as a children’s book, has got massive attention from adults as well. Yes, my initial perception of Harry Potter books has changed!

Ever wondered how J.K Rowling, a divorced single mother, living in reduced circumstances, became a multi-millionaire within a short space of time?

Here are some lessons we can all learn from her success journey.

1. There Are Fringe Benefits Of Failure!

“Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged,” said Rowling at the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association. “I was set free [by failure], because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

2. Make Best Use Of Your “Idle” Time

Did you know that it was during a four-hour train delay between Manchester and London that Rowling first put pen to paper about a young boy attending a school of wizardry? This is a reminder that whether you're stuck on a train, jammed in traffic or sitting alone before a meeting you should use this "idle” time to your benefit.

3. Reject The Rejector!

J.K Rowling’s first submission of Harry Potter and the philosopher’s stone to a publishes was rejected. So, was the second one (I bet they must be kicking themselves now!). J.K Rowling, didn’t let negative thoughts get the best of her, when she was rejected. She kept on going. Her perseverance paid of incredibly, as the 3rd publisher accepted the manuscript.

Rejection doesn’t have to mean you’re no good; it can just mean you’re not in the right place at the right time!

4. Believe In Yourself

You have got to have faith in what you do. If you don’t believe in your own thoughts and deeds, no one else will.

Publishers kept turning down the Harry Potter book mainly because "it was too long". If she wanted to get it published, she could have easily reduced the number of pages. She believed that it was necessary and had enough faith in her creation, to persist until it was published.

5. Imagine Yourself As A Winner

In an interview, J.K Rowling was asked if she had any difficulty coping with the obvious changes that success had brought her. She replied, “No” because for 5 yrs she had seen the world through the eyes of her main character, Harry Potter and he was an extremely successful person. Rowling’s adjustment to her new lifestyle was not a problem because she had spend years visualizing success.

Are you a Harry Potter fan?
What do you think contributed to J.K Rowling's success?
Leave a comment. Let's discuss.

18 Personal Development Bloggers & Their Head Turning Remarks

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:11:00 +0000

Alex (Unleash Reality) said,

there’s no reason to want everybody to like you. Do what you want and let whatever happens happen. Some people will love you. Others will hate you. That’s fine.…

Dani (Positively Present) asks,

I can -- we all can -- leave our fingerprints on the world. You're sitting there, reading this, and thinking to yourself, "How can I make a difference? What can I really do that will change the world?"

What kinds of fingerprints do you want to leave behind?

David Cain (Raptitude) said,

Uncertainty seems to only manifest itself as two things: recurring worrisome thoughts, and a certain tension in the abdomen. It’s not a preferable state, but that doesn’t make it unbearable. Uncertainty really doesn’t have any reality other than those two things, and if you can let both of them just happen without sounding the alarm bells, you might see that there’s no emergency at all.

Davina (Shades Of Crimson) said,

I realized that something was happening now. Something was going to happen tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the day after that. It might be something I’d planned… or not.
……………..
Me. And whatever happened, I would deal with whatever something was.

Evelyn Lim (Attraction Mindmap) said,

If you want to make the world a better place, you need to first start with the Man in the Mirror. If you desire positive changes in life, you have to start with yourself.

Glen (Life Dev) said,

So often we get that paralyzing feeling that the world is going to end when something unexpected happens. If you’re going to make it through to see tomorrow, you’ve got to force down that lump in your throat, take command of your nerves and calmly figure out a plan to finish the day.

Glen Allsopp (PluginID) said,

once this event we’ve been looking forward to is upon us, we’re already on the lookout for the next one; the next high. ...
If you can see that most of your life is spent reminiscing the past or awaiting the future, it’s not too late to change.

Havi Brooks (Fluent Self) asks,

There are always going to be some people who are going to throw shoes at you.

How do you/how should you react, when someone throws a shoe at you?

Jeff Nickles (My Super Charged Life) said,

life is too short to wear uncomfortable shoes!

It is odd to me how we will often stick with something that we don’t like and that sometimes even causes us pain and suffering!

Jonathan Mead (Illuminated Mind) said,

Most of our suffering is caused by caring too much about things that don’t really matter. The hand we’re dealt in life is outside of our control. The events and situations we’re placed in our largely beyond our influence. Stop caring about what other people do, what other people think and work within the circle of your influence.

Jonathan Wells (Advanced Life Skills) asks,

Whose approval do we want?
Our primary source of approval needs to be internal rather than external. We need to approve of ourselves in order to feel true inner peace and security.

Lisis (Quest For Balance) asks,

In our desperate desire to be right and to never get hurt again, I wonder how many of us make these stupid and careless mistakes that can cost us what we value most?

Nadia (Happy Lotus) said,

In order to welcome in something new, you have to get rid of the old. The emotional release is a way to do that. No one can heal you except yourself.

Stacey Hoffer (Create A Balance) said,

When we practice the art of life balance, we cannot practice the same way all the time from situation to situation. Our external environments are too powerful. Our internal compass needs to learn how to adapt.

Shamelle (Enhance Life) asks,

Things may be hard and difficult. Your mind has the ability to make it even harder!

Is heavy thinking ruining your life?

Sherri (Serene Journey) asks,

Have you ever thought life would be better ANYWHERE other than where you are right now?
Truth is some of your problems may go away once you have met all of your “if only’s” and “better when’s” but it won’t make the perfect life that fairy tales are made of.

Steven Aitchison said,

Recognizing and changing your way of thinking can be a long process depending on what patterns of thinking you employ and how badly you want to change. People can change, do change and change for the rest of their lives, I know I have, so don’t be thinking you’ll never be able to change, you can and you will if you really want to.

Steven Mills (Rat Race Trap) said,

No matter how close you are to someone, it is an illusion to think they truly understand you or you truly understand them. At some level you can share your experiences, but ultimately you are alone with your own experiences and you will get along better in life if you accept that and figure out what it means to you.

Do You Belong?

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 12:45:00 +0000

I have a fair share of goofy friends. One such friend recently asked me this question: “Do you belong?”

He then went on to say that he didn’t feel as though he belonged in this world. He wasn’t happy about it. The surprising part for me was when he said, “The reason I asked you is because you act as if you belong”. (Nah…, sometimes even for me, it seems like the earth is a very weird place!)

What followed was one of those special conversations when you explore something that you may not have previously verbalized. It is one of those delicious topics, mostly under the surface that makes all the difference in the world as to how we are, what we do and how we do it!

What comes to mind when you think of the topic, BELONG?
Trying to fit in, gain acceptance, seek approval, wanting to be liked and be a part of the “gang”.
We all want it, in varying degrees; from different people.

In school,
You don’t dress like them. You don’t like the same music they do, the same shows, and you certainly can’t relate to them on any other issue….

At a party,
You don't want to be the only person standing in the corner with a drink in your hand and a sad expression on your face….

Have you ever experienced the feeling of being left out in the cold, of wanting to belong but watching from the sidelines?

Are you the type of person who does NOT want to belong?

Maybe you find it restrictive to be a part of a group.
Maybe you want to be an individual.
Maybe you resist being pigeon-holed by a label.
Maybe you don’t know how to belong.
Maybe you feel content just being you.

Harsh Truths On Wanting To Belong

1. The process of belonging to something should not always involve people and groups. You must belong to your own principles and dreams before all.

2. Don’t live your life through your friends. Live it through your backbone! At the end of the day, it’s not usually about who you are with; it's about just who you are. (Don’t misunderstand, we need friends in our lives. The context here is “losing yourself” to have friends.)

3. Not being able to relate to the people who “everyone likes” (supposedly) can make you wonder why exactly it is that you don’t fit in!

4. People who can’t accept you will do so out of their own emotional needs. It is THEIR problem and not a measure of your self-worth.

5. If you feel good about the fact that you are who you are, your awesomeness will eventually be clear to everyone around you.

For those people who can't accept me, my response is, this is the only person I know how to be, and I've worked too hard to give that up for anybody.

When have you experienced a sense of “not” belonging?
Did you feel like you needed to buy your way in? Or have you just walked away from it all?

Less Busy, More Productive – Is It Possible?

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:23:00 +0000

Our lives seem to be getting busier each day; from the time we wake up, there are endless tasks to be done… work, meetings, emails, errands, chores,.. to many other routine things. Irrespective of all the advice on "Get More Done In Less Time", being busy has become a norm.

In reality,

Just because you're "busy" doesn't mean you're getting real work done.

Being busy creates stress (most of the time), while productivity creates a feeling of accomplishment.

Being busy makes time fly. On the other hand, if you are productive, you will be pleasantly surprised at how much you got done.

Indeed, there is a very distinct difference between being busy and being productive. To some, That may be a blinding glimpse of the obvious. Yet so many continue to be busy, busy, busy and at the end of the day, you wonder why you have not achieved much; why you are not as productive as you’d like to be.

Although you can’t be productive every moment, being aware of the difference between being busy and being productive can make you more effective and help you get more done. Continual busyness eventually leads to stress, particularly if results are minimal.

I don’t have a sophisticated productivity solution to offer. My suggestion is rather simple..
With each activity ask yourself:

1. “Is this the best use of my time?”

If the answer is yes, you are on the right path.
For those of you who said, "No",
1. Do something more productive or
2. Continue to do whatever it is you’re doing, but at least acknowledge that you’re not being productive!

2. “What am I avoiding doing right now that would really help me be more productive? ”

Trust me, if you really look at that question and answer it honestly, you’ll walk away with some pretty good information for what you should be really doing.

I invite you to consider devoting a few minutes today to check over your task list, or to reflecting on how you spent your time last week, and ask… “Am I busy, or am I productive?”

Do you have any suggestions for folks who are struggling to be less busy and more productive?

6 Life Lessons Hollywood Repeatedly Tries To Teach You

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 14:51:00 +0000

Movies are usually given credit for the movie’s plot or the director/cast or the value of the story itself. Rarely, do we commend a movie for the lessons learned.
To me every film no matter what it is about holds a potential wealth of thinking. There are some life lessons that Hollywood repeatedly tries to throw at you. Here are a few, I have noticed.

1. Every Experience (Good And Bad) Contributes To Who You Are & What You Know

As seen in Slumdog Millionaire, Abandon, Harry Potter

2. It's Never Too Late!

As seen in 40 Year Old Virgin, Righteous Kill , Revolutionary Road

3. You Have To Be Smarter Than Your Opponent

As seen in Wanted, Shooter, Dark Night

4. Every Decision You Make Can Have A Profound Effect On Your Life, & The Lives Of Others.

As seen in Max Payne, Seven Pounds, Home Of The Brave

5. You Need Other People, Period

As seen in Kun fu panda, 21, Oceans 13

6. Reality Can Shift Your Plans And You Have To Be Willing, Able & Ready To Change

As seen in You, Me & Dupree, Ratatouille, The Pursuit Of Happiness,

Any other lesson you might have noticed?

How Twitter Accidentally Suspended My Account & How I Got It Activated In 2 Hours!

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:18:00 +0000

I use TwitterFox (Firefox plugin), for my tweeting and unlike other days the twitter icon on the bottom right status bar of was red, and there were a pop-up message. “Can’t login with username EnhanceLife”

I thought it might be my ADSL connection which, usually keeps bailing out on me. Simply to verify, I tried logging into my twitter account. To my horror, the image on the left of this post was what I saw when I typed http:/Twitter.com/EnhanceLife

It was a generic suspended page which directed to the “policy” page. After reading all the rules and regulations, I was positive that I had not violated any rules. The more I read through the rules, I was getting more irritated since I had no clue why my account was suspended!

Next, I searched the good Google to see whether I could find any information on how to get the account activated. Then after digging through some articles, I came across the Twitter blog, which had a post which said they were restoring accidentally suspended accounts.

Earlier today, we accidentally suspended a number of accounts.
We regret the human error that led to these mistaken suspensions and we are working to restore the affected accounts. ...

I didn’t want the twitter team to take their own time and restore my account so I sent a notice to the Twitter support team. This is what it read..

My account (@EnhanceLife), has been suspended since a few hours ago. I did read the terms and conditions and I am confident that I did not violate any rules.

Investigating further I found from your blog that by mistake several accounts have been suspended.
Being a software developer myself, I understand that these things happen to the best of us. I hope measures are taken to activate my account (@EnhanceLife) as soon as possible.
Thank you

Of course, I was not this calm! Believe me there were certain words that came flowing through to my finger tips, which my mother would not approve of!! I could have written all that. However, I figured..

1. Twitter admitted the mistake
2. Twitter confirmed they were working to restore the account
3. They must have already received several offensive emails regarding the accounts being suspended.
4. The person/team who made the flop, must be already feeling terrible and probably got a good dose from Twitter management.
5. Others in the Twitter team must have been annoyed that they had extra work, because of “someone else’s” mistake.

Lastly, I knew the chances of how quick I would get the account activated, would mostly depend on how I write the message!

Guess what, the calm and thoughtful message helped. The Twitter team restored my account in less than 2 hours(I still hear that some accounts are not restored). Thank you Twitter team.

Were you also one of the victims of this as well? Have you gotten your twitter account activated by now?

This whole incident made me realize that we depend so.. much on yahoo, Google, facebook etc.. it hard to imagine what our lives would be like without it… even if it’s for a while!

Jumpstart Your Initiative, You Have Waited Long Enough

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 15:05:00 +0000

We all have a desire to "make a difference"; to make improvements in our lives (may be even others lives). Yet, for a various reasons, when it comes to taking initiative many people face a magnitude of challenges.

I bet you already have what it takes to get yourself moving, but chances are there are some barriers that are inhibiting your progress. Given below are some worthy points on intensifying your initiative, from the book, Personal Brilliance, Mastering the Everyday Habits that Create a Lifetime of Success.

You don’t have to be inspired to begin

It’s a common belief that you have to be inspired about a project or idea to get it going. Of course, being inspired can help a lot. Inspiration and initiative are a little like the controversy over whether the chicken or the egg comes first! Do you agree?

Give yourself permission to move forward

If you know that you have a good idea or a plan that will work, give yourself permission to move forward with the plan. Waiting for others to join you in your initiative can slow the wheels of innovation and drag out the process. As you build momentum, others will naturally want to jump on board.

Meaningful motivators feed initiative

If you don’t have a good reason to accomplish a particular goal, you probably won’t do it. Compelling reasons are the fuel that initiative needs to grow and thrive.
What are your compelling reasons?

Shorten the time line between your idea and your first action step

Many people have the tendency to put off that first step in favor of conducting more research, increasing their education, and basically trying to learn everything they need to know before they begin.
If toddlers viewed the idea of standing up and walking the way many adults approach
taking a first step, most people would still be crawling!

Live by your word

People who accomplish what they set out to do, keep their word to themselves and to others. Make a firm commitment to yourself that you will keep your promises, no matter what.
The only permissible exception is your being truly too sick to get out of bed. Without living by such a strict standard, our lives can become a series of justifications and rationalizations.

Is initiative something you struggle with as well? Or does it come naturally?

7 Different Types Of Punctually Challenged People. Which One Are You?

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 14:03:00 +0000

Some of us are annoyingly late despite our best intentions and many years of trying to improve!
I have read many books on subject, but Never Be Late Again: 7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged by Diana DeLonzo was a no-nonsense book, with many "A-HA!" moments! It is a must read for the punctually challenged. (Don’t take my word for it, read the Amazon reviews for the book.)

Reading Diana’s book I began to think differently about time and what could be achieved in a specific amount of time. I also learned that there are many different personality and character types associated with being late. Many of which we can relate to personally!
Which character type can you relate to the most?

1. The Absent-Minded Professor

Someone who is caught up in his own world, and never thinks about time. A person who forgets most things and can be distracted very easily.
They are usually slow and leave their things here and there (ahem…). They often jump from one activity to another or get lost in what they are doing.

2.The Rebel

A person, who truly hate stereotypes, everyday rules and schedules. By being always late they try to resist authority and underline their courage of breaking the laws.

3. The Indulger

A person who wastes time doing unimportant things and lacks self control. They don’t have a good concept of time and always put important things off that leads to chronic lateness.

4. The Rationalizer

A person who is very often late for work or meeting, but always justifies such behavior by various outside circumstances. Such people hate being reminded about their being late because they do not acknowledge their responsibility for lateness and blame everything or everyone but themselves.

5. The Evader

Someone who always feels the necessity to control own environment, and this idea makes him/her anxious. Such people have problems with self-organization, and their inability to do the things properly makes them feel helpless and stressed out. At that, the Evaders’ own needs or routine takes precedence over their being on time.

6. The Producer

A very busy person who tends to squeeze incredible amount of tasks into every minute and do several things at the same time. They are always late because they can not properly schedule their time and have to go on doing something they have planned.

7. The Deadliner

Someone who truly enjoys running behind the schedules and looks for a crisis to get motivated and win the battle. However, it always leads to being desperately late.

So, which character type can you relate to the most? Leave a comment and let me know.
I am the type where discipline is the main problem; my mom is the type who rationalizes away how her tardiness affects others; and my dad is the Absent Minded Professor!

When Confronted With Criticism You Don’t Really Want To Hear, What Should You Do?

noreply@blogger.com (Shamelle) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:46:00 +0000

It’s that time of the year where I need to carry out appraisals for my team members. This is by far one of the hardest parts of my job responsibilities! Do I hear you ask “Why” ?

Just like clay is molded in to pottery, we are all shaped by the feedback we receive from those around us. The way a person perceives criticism, will have a powerful impact on their future reactions and how they feel about themselves.

So, how you keep your pride and career intact, when you are getting a dose of criticism you’d rather not hear?

1. Listen (Withhold Immediate Reaction!)

If you’re like most people, you won’t like to be criticized! You might feel you are not being appreciated. You might feel that it’s a blow to the ego. Your natural reaction might be to defend yourself or lash back.

This is exactly what I thought….when I initially started my career. I suppose I was lucky I had good mentors, who persistently showered me with constructive feedback. As time went by, I began to realize what Randy Pausch said in his bestselling book The Last Lecture

And when it was all over, one of the other assistant coaches came over and said, yeah, Coach Graham rode you pretty hard, didn't he? I said, yeah. He said, that's a good thing. He said, when you're screwing up and nobody's saying anything to you anymore, that means they gave up. And that's a lesson that stuck with me my whole life: when you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to tell you anymore, that's a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care.

2. Identify The Intent Of Criticism

People will always have opinions about what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. And yes, it sometimes stings, in unbearable ways.

The question you need to ask yourself “WHY is this person criticizing me?”
Is it to prove they are right?
Is it because they are annoyed/angry with you?
Or are they criticizing your actions? Do they really have your best interest, in grooming you to be better?

Criticism can be a powerful tool when used with the intent of helping, improvement, or offering solutions. It’s helpful when someone – in a friendly manner – offers an honest opinion about you that fosters improvement.

3. Clarify

Does what is being said, make sense to you?
Is there a mismatch of expectations? What you expect, and what they expect?
Can you recall situations that might align with the criticism? If you are confused or unclear, ask for examples.

4. Assess The Criticism

Can you acknowledge the criticism and except your imperfections? Do you disagree? If you disagree, in a calm manner state your reasons and work with the other party.

How useful is the criticism? Something you were aware of? Something you never realized before?
What's the extent of impact? Major, minor, good to have, negligible etc

5. Figure Out The Kind Of Support You Will Need, To Improve

Can the person giving you negative feedback, help you get on track?
Can you manage to improve on your own?
Do you need training in certain areas?

6. Make An Action Plan

Once you figure out the kind of support you need, put together a plan of action. Set goals for the time period and make sure to follow through. Also, make a note of how progress can be measured.

7. Life Must Go On

Usually, when you are criticized, self doubt seeks in. Depending on the type of person you are, you might be “stuck” in the criticism for days or even weeks; you might keep thinking about the criticism, until it start to affect all areas of your life!

So, don’t dwell too much on the criticism. Remember that there are other areas where you are good or even excel at.

I would like to hear your thoughts on how you handle criticism. Leave a comment and let me know…, do you immediately react? Do you dismiss the criticism?

Enhance Life

Get That Happy Friday Feeling At The Beginning Of The Week

1. Keep it clean on Friday evenings!

2. Sleep “right” during the weekend!

3. Choose your weekend activities wisely

4. Over the weekend, pick what you will wear on Monday

5. Get out of the bed immediately once you hear the alarm

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3. No daily plan

4. Procrastination

5. Personal disorganization

6. Perfectionism

7. Interruptions

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3. Be consistent, not rigid

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2. Don’t Be That Person, People Want To Avoid!

3. Stay True To Your Commitments.

4. Build An Impeccable Relationship With Your Boss

5. Exhibit Total Professionalism

6. Fine Tune Your Communication

7. Don’t Forget Your Roots.

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3. Your sincerity

4. Your believability

5. Your questioning skills

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1. We Are Too Confident In Our Own Judgments

2. Our Moods Bias Our Judgments

3. We Value Certain Gains & Try To Avoid Certain Losses

4. We Are Reluctant To Pull Out Of An Investment

5. We Pay More Attention To Some Facts, Than Others

6. We Value More Highly The Things We Own

7. Agreeing With What Supports Beliefs And Vice Versa

8. We Only Use Limited Logic In Decisions

9. We Prefer A Known Probability To An Unknown One

10. Recent Events Seem More Likely

11. We Base Decisions On Available Small Samples

12. Belief We Can Predict Random Events

13. Assuming Success Breeds Success