~ EnJoy EveRdAy ~

新年期间~

2012-01-30T22:44:00.003+08:00

今年的新年有些平淡得来但又有些不同~
呵呵呵

除夕夜，
本来他说会来
但因为一些原因又说不来了
初三从怡保来载我去新山
当时是有点失望的咯
但不用尽啦，再等多几天吧~
就这样忙着在家帮忙打扫，洗衣~
然后晚上和伯伯一家人出去吃团圆饭~ =）

年初一，
本来是说好一早十点多上rawang去叔公家~
怎知我跟我妹很迟才起床，因为前晚整晚都有人放烟花
兵兵砰砰的~ 整晚都睡不好咯 @@
结果十点多起来煮面吃了，
十二点多才上rawang~
去到被叫去吃午饭咯~
吃饱过后就看戏，玩狗狗~
其实当时我真的很想倒在沙发睡觉的咯~哈哈哈
因为很无聊咯~
我就闭目养下神，发现要差点睡着了~
就爬起来吃下零食好分散下注意力咯~哈哈
心想这下我完蛋了，肥死了T_T
然后晚上跟他们吃完团圆饭没多久就回家咯~

年初二，
跟年初一一样睡到十点多才起来~
感觉上还是睡得不够~@@
然后有时煮面吃饱了就准备好等姑姑来载我们上rawang去姨婆家~
没办法，我爸跟我妈都是rawang 长大的~
去到那里也是吃午饭的时间~
所以还是吃~我总不能说我在减肥不可以吃吧~
就牺牲下咯~
吃饱了~就坐在那里看戏~
我姑姑跟表姑（她表妹）就一大堆东西讲~
我们这些小的就负责看戏咯~
然后四点多就回家了~ 哈哈~
晚餐我妈妈没煮，竟然买pizza回来吃~

年初三，
本来是要跟姑姑他们去大姑的酒楼吃午餐然后捞生的~
但是我今年没去~ 因为要陪他~ XD
幸好我妈没不爽~
他早上十点多就打来说他在半路了，就快到了~
然后就立刻爬起来准备~
十一点半到了，他还搬了个礼篮来我家~ 见了我家人~ 哈哈哈
由于十二点多我姑姑要来了，所以我们要在她没来之前就要走人~
所以他坐一下我们就走了~
本来直接可以回新山~
但他厉害，把新山家里锁匙留在怡保的家里~
所以吃饱早餐就轮到我驾车回他家拿锁匙~@@
拿了锁匙我们没地方去，而且又很晒~ 就去他朋友家坐坐~
然后呆到六点多就去吃晚餐~ 还叫他另几个朋友出来给我见~ @@
他们在那里聊天，我就一直拿他的iphone来玩游戏~
我一边玩一边笑，他朋友看到我都觉得好笑~@@
然后八点多天黑了就起程回去新山咯~
我们两个轮流驾车，
他由于整晚没什么睡到，一开始驾到出怡保highway最近的休息站就换我驾了~
然后我一口气驾到马六甲~@@
而他就在车睡觉~马六甲过后就换他驾回去新山~
真的有累到咯~可怜他每次找我时都要跑那么远的路程~
心痛他咯 =（
回到去都已经凌晨一点~冲了凉聊一下就睡了~

年初四~年初六
这几天他都一直带我去看戏~
初四我们去看《阿炳》~ 看完后时间还早我们就去逛supermarket~
因为他要我煮粥和煲汤给他喝~哈哈
回到家我用了两个小时煮了鸡粥，煲了个包菜汤，煮了个asam鱼，还有两个鸡腿~
没有错，我们是吃不完~
结果我们十二点多在家看完了dvd又继续吃~ 还是吃了就睡觉那种~
肥死了~T_T
然后初五就厉害，一口气看了两套~
一套是《Journey 2》，由于他姐姐和她男友回来了，晚上我们又看多一套《大魔术师》，
这次是坐 Beanieplex couple seat! 哈哈！
之前时常听同学说，以为只有Sunway 的戏院有~我没想到在JB 也有机会坐到~ XD
然后初六我们就去看《Underworld》，看完了后就去吃晚餐～
以为去吃一下就把我的小包包和钱包放在车上～还是放在车位底下那种～结果在短短五到十分钟就被人爆镜偷了～
当时什么mood都没有了～也反应不过来～他反而还好奇我怎么那么冷静～==
看来他的损失比我还大，但回到他家反而是他安慰我～　>.<

年初日，
我就回家咯～
他还一直叫我不要回～＝＝
回时他还给我一些钱防身～
天啊，不要那么好可以吗？
我会想哭的咯～！='(

虽然只有短短几天，
虽然发生了一些不开心的事，
但讲到尾还是开心的～
希望可以尽快看到他咯～XD

Emo Again =(

2012-01-22T01:13:00.006+08:00

Finally I have start my Semester 2 in IMU on 16th January..
Sounds so frustration that I suppose start my degree life for 1 and the half year and now only in Semester 2. ==
Well, it's suppose a more challenging life than in Semester 1..
Actually these few days I seriously tired + stress + frustration + ..... anyway it can considered as COMPLICATED minded again!
Tired is due to I have to took few hours on travelling go and back from uni.. since my classes almost everyday start from 8am or 9am like that TIL 5pm!
So you can imagine how is the condition of packing with other peoples inside the train and how does it getting worst especially when the train was delay...... T_T

Well, suppose these few days I'm very very unhappy~
Got lots of thing happened on~
First is I found that I've lost interest on study anymore...
I don't know is me think too much or it's too long time I didn't touch my book or what..
Even myself also don't know how to describe~
I just feel like to work and earn money and it might be a better way for me and even my family..
Plus I totally can't imagine about my future~
I started to understand how's some people feel when they took the course that they're not interested in~
I scared that I unable keep up with progress in learning~
What I think now is even in sem 2 also feel that, then what about the following sem I need to go through??
Sounds irony right?
Okay, no matter how I know that I need to continue~
Maybe I need time to adapt with that and hope so it's just a temporarily minded.

Second is my dear said he might not came to house on today.
He told me 2 days ago. But he said will still find me on wednesday night.
Seriously I got bit disappointed.
Because I still need to wait for few more days only can see him.=(
But I just can act like nothing and said "okay okay, no problem, as long as you okay with that. =)"
Then today when he call me,
and don't really forget what I've said, (just some kidding as I remember)
he got bit unhappy with that and said want to go sleep.
Suppose I don't feel like to end-up the call so fast..
but no matter how I coax him he just said don't want and want to sleep already..
Like that I really don't know what I can said to him anymore.
So I just can said bye bye to him.
Actually from here I got bit unhappy and frustation.
What I can think is just maybe he too tired so he want to sleep!
Normally when he slept in the afternoon he can sleep for 3 hours like that.
but today after 1 hour he woke up and sms me.
I asked him why so fast get awake, and he just said because I bully him, he feel unhappy so he can't sleep.
LOL~ after that don't know it's me think too much again or what.
Feel like his reply just short and nothing to say to me only.
Aiks.. again..
Sometimes I really don't know what I've said and make him feel unhappy.
I really hate of my stupid!!! =(
But luckily normally this won't lasts for few days,
normally the next day like that will be alright.
Although like that, but it also make me think much for whole night.
I really dislike this feeling. =''''''''''''''''(

Grrr... I don't want emo come to me again!
What I can do now??? =(

失眠夜~~~@@

2012-01-15T04:56:00.003+08:00

突然又想到这里了~
不懂为什么，就不想给人知道我现在的心情~
对，我失眠了~
而且还是连续差不多整个星期都持续这样的情形~
之前还说可以勉强睡过去，最多半夜会一直醒来而已~
但今晚，我简直睡不下去！！

怎么会这样？
是我太多烦恼了吗？
告诉他，他说可能是我要开学了太兴奋所以睡不着，是这样吗？
我都不见得，就是完全没有睡意~
最近都很少更新面子书或叉包了~
写在面子书上被我最不喜欢的人看见了，她一定会第一时间报告我妈~
然后一定说一大堆“你女儿什么都写在网上~当然不告诉你啦，不怕你讲她咩~”等等之类的废话~
然后我妈一定问我为什么什么事都要写在网上一大堆事情~
想起来还真的多亏她呢~
叉包上呢？
其实那里是一个蛮好的地方，
朋友都不错，也没有我不喜欢的人~
只是现在我也不敢什么事都写在那里了~
一旦我有什么不如意的事写出来，又或则当我真的有想不通而又不懂怎样告诉别人的事写出来的话~
他，看到了一定会问我什么事~
当我说没事时，他就会说我什么都不告诉他~
我知道他是因为关心我才会一直追问我~
我知道他是想替我分担一些我面对的烦恼~
我知道除了父母和朋友以外，他就是唯一想听我诉苦的人~
我知道，我都知道~
只是很多事情不是想要说就说得出来~ 不是想要说就说得明白~
而且我知道他自己本身也很大压力，也有很多烦恼~
我不想再增添他的压力和烦恼~
不想他替我担心~
我只是想当我/他不开心时都有对方陪着就心满意足了~
可以的话我想在他面前永远都是那么开心的，
我不想给他看到我不开心的样子~

现在不知不觉已经是5.17am，
我还是超精神的~
烦恼吗？没有。
不开心吗？还好。
想太多吗？应该是。因为突然很多事情涌上心头来~
希望开学时有事情给我忙我就不会想太多吧~ =)

怎么啦？

2011-02-07T22:23:00.007+08:00

有时我发觉我是一个什么是都藏在心里的人，
不是我不说，而是我发觉就算说了也没人可以帮得到我；
有时是没人会听我说...
所以一旦我忍无可忍时一说了出来，
就不是每个人都可以接受得到。

对，我承认我的处理方式不是每个人都可以接受的。
我开始不会怎样去做人了，
也不懂该摆出一个怎样的脸去面对别人。

最近我做出了一个很不理智的做法，
就是隐瞒。
为什么我会隐瞒呢？
第一是，我不想让我那位朋友想太多；
第二，就是不想让太多人知道这件事；
第三是，说太多惹得我朋友不开心，到最后就变成我是惹事的那个人。
但是很明显的是，我又做错了。
以为不说，就能瞒天过海；
以为避开她，待我处理好思绪后再找个机会慢慢说给她听；
很不幸的，被她发现到我的不对劲，惹得她想的更多，
我不懂她有没有说给她男友或她的好友听，
如有的话，惹出这件事的人又是我。

但当我好不容易说了出来后，却得不到任何答复。
现在换我来想她在想什么？她怎样啦？还好吗？生气吗？还是什么啦？
我每天都在想。
甚至还在想，我们还算是朋友吗？？

以为我隐瞒，隐瞒到很开心吗？
我连身边的朋友都没有说出来...
你又懂一个心事憋在心里说又不敢说出来的痛苦吗？！
如果你是我，你又会怎么做？？？

complicated complicated~

2011-02-07T12:44:00.007+08:00

First of all happy Chinese New Year to everybody~~
but hor.. don't know why I'm not in cny mood at all! Ish...
why ah?
just know that these few days keeping on followed my parent went to relative's house "bai nian" only...
boring man...=(

and yea, don't know is me think much or what...
I found that the distance between me and another person getting far and far away..
why ah? I don't know why too..
still remembered one of my buddy yen asked me before, why I can be so good with that friend..
and now even me also found that I'm not as close as with that friend anymore...
can anyone tell me why ah?
I just know that is me always try to find that friend for keeping in touch with each other.. but if I didn't find her, I think she won't find me at all...
Under this condition, I think this relationship can't be stay long lo...
Hmmm.. I don't know how to say too.. maybe it's my problem too??

Between, I starting to try to put down some negative thinking...
Coz I found that when I'm feel that I'm the unlucky one, there might be someone more unlucky than me on the another hand..
If compared with them, I think mine one just a small matter..
plus, I should try to make some changes from mistakes, to make it more better..?

不正常的我

2011-02-01T00:52:00.006+08:00

有试过好像类似一无所有般的感觉吗？

有试过好像类似人间消失般的感觉吗？

有试过好像迷失自我般的感觉吗？

有试过好像欲哭无泪般的感觉吗？

有试过突然同时间有完以上的感觉吗？

怎么突然觉得自己变得很可悲般？

突然有种不正常的感觉，到底是什么呢？？？

那就是......突然想去上班！！！哈哈哈！

尤其是那种忙到不可开交那种！！！我无所谓！！

开始又变得不正常了！哈哈哈！！！

To the one I hurt... =(

2011-01-29T00:33:00.009+08:00

I know it's my fault for suddenly leave you away...

I can guarantee that this time not all of your problem...

I seriously glad that you have found your happiness...

I'm not going to hide any secret from you..

but just don't hope to make you think much more unhappy things only...

Yea, I'm not saying I want to reject you as my friend..

It's because you're really my friend then I only seriously hope to settle it well before appear in front of you...

At last, I just hope girl you stay happy with your love one...

Just give me some time to settle my problems first ok?

If you really hope to know what had happened,

I promise I will tell you at the future time when I able to leave it down.. k?

Why I want to do so, I have my own reason..

Sure, I can understand that maybe my way was wrong and also not fair to you...

Yet, I know you might be think that I'm selfish enough..

Yea, I'm sorry for doing such thing on you...

I'm sad too.. because I can't tell and share with anyone..

Plus, I seriously sad when I found that you've blocked me from fb too..

Lastly, really sorry la girl... ='(

If you really hate me to do so on you, I can understand how your feel.. seriously..

Thinking much again...

2011-01-27T00:07:00.006+08:00

Don't know why these few days there are lots of changes in my minds..
Hahahah, sometimes really think that I "sendiri cari pasal"..
at the end is "padan muka"..

Alright, lets talk back what I did in these few days..
22th and 23th jan:
worked as crew for feng shui seminar and astrology at KLCC..
from 7am to 6pm..
quite tiring actually, need to wake up at around 5.45am.. ish...
luckily my job not so hard actually,
just need to sat in a room with others colleagues and print those bazi chart.
yea, those chart with customer's date and time of birth.
quite a easy job..
but then when my friends who worked with me (but in different area) heard that I can print out the chart ,
so they keep on ask me to print out the chart with their date and time of birth.
they said want to ask those feng shui consultant lo..

When I'm still in first day, I don't dare to walk around la..
but in the second day, mean the last day of seminar,
plus under with my friend encouragement,
I really ran to consultant area there, show them my bazi chart and ask them about myself.
and of course, lee wei was beside me..
she is the one who keep on ask me go there since she worked as time keeper with consultant..
Not only me, lot of crews and colleagues also ran to that area for asking consultant about their future things.. the most important thing is the consultation was FREE!!!
*of course, only available for us who worked as crews only!

Seriously, I don't ever think that what the consultant said was so true for me.
no matter on my behaviour, personality or anything about me,
it totally.. true!
Not bad not bad..
I can learned lot from this event, and yea if there is any event for this company,
sure I will join again!

24th and 25th jan,
these 2 days kinda unlucky..
I get sicked for these 2 days after the event, ish...
some more this point really same like what the consultant said that day,
he keep on mentioned and asked me better drink more water,
since my immune system not so well..
so this point bingo again! haiz...

and yea these few days, I really feel stressed..
stressed until don't know how to said...
I don't know why there will be lot of things happened on me..
I don't know how to handle it, and how to accept it..
yet don't know how to said it out..
these few days I keep on thinking why I become so unlucky?
Where is my luck? and when it will be back to me?

Between, sorry to my girl..
I'm not going to escape from her..
but just I don't know how to talk to her.. and even face to her...
Will it help if I said it out?
as I know, it won't..
I think just will make her think much more only..
Aiks.. it's okay then..
Since her luck has starting, then just don't want to disturb her..
just let it be..
I know she was trying to help me..
just like that day purposely go sing k with me..
when sing til half way, my tears still coming out without control..
Useless me...
Of course, I think she will thought that I'm hating her or what..
seriously no.. but just... aiks..
I don't know how to said...
For her own good, I think I better disappear for temporary...
to avoid me and her think much more...

Maybe really like what the consultant said,
sometimes too over on helping others at last will bring lots of sadness and trouble to your own.
Yet no one will understand and appreciated for what you've did for them..
Meanwhile, talk too much may hurt other peoples only..
So, since no one can help me..
then I just keep quiet better..
Hope the time will help me to forget it...

Bye..

2011-01-15T19:44:00.007+08:00

I have to said bye to my coursemates due to the mistake that I did on my EOS exam and re-sit...
Because of the mistake,
=> I spent around RM500 for the re-sit fees..
=> I cried for the whole day since I unable and don't know how to accept the truth..
=> I need to said bye to my course mates, I have unable to continue with them in the journey anymore..
=> I have to re-start for beginning again.. just because of ONE subject.
=> I don't know what I should do now..
=> I don't know whether I should continue or not..
=> I need to spend more no matter money and time than others..
=> and a lots I don't know how to describe here..

Just I feel like I'm very very useless..
although my parents didn't blame on me, but still encourage me to start from beginning..
but I unable to forgive myself..

I seriously hope that I may pass..
I really did put lot of efforts on preparing the paper..
I really tried my whole best to put in all the answer that I remembered..
I really thought at least I can get pass..
But the truth told me that I'm failed...
Such a big joke on me..

When I think back and look back on the notes,
I found out I missed out lot of main points and did lot of spelling mistakes on the paper..
I feel like I'm really useless enough..
WHY I BECOME SO CARELESS?!

What I do now is just know to cry, stare blankly, think and doing nothing...
Although now I'm not crying anymore,
but when the school day coming near, I just can cry...
because I knew that I was unable to continue with my course mates anymore...
and this is the truth happen on me currently!
Even my colleague saw me also keep on asking me why my eyes become swelling..
Who can teach me how to answer?!

Now I have to understand,
course mate become my senior, and my future junior become my course mate..
WHat to do?!!!

LOL...

2011-01-13T10:49:00.010+08:00

This week suppose the last week I stay in LYS agency...
and I can't even imagine that I can stay and hold for one month...
Hahahhah... such unbelieveable for me...

Hey yea, I got something feel like share here..
One of the unit manager, Mr Jacky la..
so far as I know he is the one quite closeness..
still remember when I'm worked as general clerk at there,
my another colleague, ms chong and I always said he's very "ugly"..
Of course at here "ugly" this word not mean for his look, but his "behavior"..
This is due to both of us can't tahan his closeness!

He won't simply waste and spent money on others, even to himself..
But then the most admirable is,
to his wife, he can provide the best to his wife,
especially during wedding time..
no matter on take photo, rent for wedding gown, wedding dinner, honeymoon and etc...
He really spent lots as long as his wife happy..
remember he told me about himself when he was young,
very poor and work for many jobs yet this include worked as cleaner too!!!
so he understand the important of money in this world,
and that's why the person he most appreciate is his wife!

Back to the main point,
this few days he keep on ask me to make a cup of tea with his tartary buckwheat.
Then I kidding and said that then can I make a cup for my own after his one?
He said no problem and I thought he was kidding la..
and didn't bother him la..
who knows just now when I watching video,
he came and ask me help me make a cup of tea,
then I said no problem la and he quickly bring his cup and the tartary buckwheat,
after put the tea on his table, he ask me whether got cup or not then make a cup for myself..
I said I didn't bring la,
then he borrow me a cup and pass me the tartary buckwheat,
Seriously I get shocked because I thought he was kidding!
Although this is not the first time he treat me drink la,
but then this time my identity was different, I'm helping an agent work but not an general clerk who can help him before leh!
Plus hor, this can of tartary buckwheat not cheap lo~

Here is the picture~

However, a big thanks to him lo~ ^^

Gathering

2011-01-12T10:50:00.004+08:00

Last night, I went to Moe de cafe again...

I even didn't realise that they will choose that place...

But this time is different, it's due to this time is with different people...

Although the place is same,

but there are few different than before no matter on feeling, peoples and their uniform...

we spent almost 2 hours in there..

chat lots and laugh lots...

especially when we play the play cards,

totally out of control...

Hahaha! nice!!!

心情复杂的一天

2011-01-11T01:12:00.007+08:00

今早一早考完试后，
其实应该是松了一口很大的气，
毕竟终于考完了，
问题其实还好，
不会很简单，就幸好有准备到，
应该比上次还好一些而已，
因为起码我还想到东西写进纸上。
目前，该烦恼的应该还是成绩，
虽然我没有遗漏任何一题，但毕竟有一些答案我还是不肯定的，
所以就很担心......

第二，应该只是一个小问题，
对我应该也不会有很大的影响，只是......我也不懂怎么说。
起初我收到一个男同事的短讯，希望我考试顺利，
我当下只是想到的有两个：怎么用英语祝我啊？（当然我的意思不是说他连一些英语也不会啦，只是我们之间交谈都是习惯于华语）
然而就是:怎么突然那么好啊？也很意外，过后就谢谢他咯。
但是回复却令我当下愣了一下，原来是我朋友用他的手机来传短讯给我。
我当时第一个反应就是：庆幸我刚刚没乱写些什么，不然岂不是尴尬死？
虽然我也不会写些什么不见得光的秘密，但毕竟对待每个朋友的方式，
无论是交谈还是对待态度都是不一样的...
明明以为是那个人，但到后来才发觉原来是另一个人，感觉不会很怪吗？
再说，你也不懂对方会不会以你们的交谈当话题......我知道她不是这样的人啦，但......就心里始终会觉得很奇怪咯.......
所以说，通常在用别人电话传短讯时，习惯上都会表明自己的身份，免得别人的误会，不是吗？
再说，当你在跟一个不是用着自己电话的人传短讯时，都会有所保留吧~
感觉就是.....我也不懂怎么形容这件事~唉......

第三，就是一个最令我光火的，同时也发飚！
话说晚上七点我帮我妈接我表弟和妹放学，因为刚补完习嘛......
Metro prima那里通常这个时候都会很塞车的......
Flat 那里有停满了车，心想没办法了，就只好停在路边等他们下来吧，
我是自认没阻碍到交通啦，但这时在塞车期间，竟然有一辆警车从我车旁走过，
还按喇叭示意我把车驾走，那我就只好假装出信号灯要走咯，
刚好有红灯了，所以我也出不去，就一直赖在那里吧~
好不容易看到警车开走了，那我也不用把车移开咯，因为我一旦移开就必须绕一个大圈回到原位。但心还是会担心警车倒回来吧~
我想打给表弟他们，但又担心他们在上着课，就为由继续耐心等待咯。
没多久，我就看到他们两个出来了，但就一直谈天，而且他们前面还停着一辆车，所以就没留意到我啦……
我就想到打电话给他们，怎知各别打了一通电话给他们，他们还是没留意到，还一直在高谈阔论。
我这一边就着急得如热锅上的蚂蚁，一直在想着怎样才能吸引到他们注意力，按喇叭吗？他们一定是以为是别人按的，毕竟那里那么多车；派人下车叫他们吗？车上又只有我一个人；下车吗？我怕阻碍到别人，毕竟我是停在路边......
在无计可施之下，我惟有立刻管掉汽车引挚，立刻跑下车过去喊他们吧~怎知就在我也匆匆忙忙过马路时，竟没留意到有辆摩托向我的方向驶来，就差那么一点就被他撞到...
说真的，我当时也吓了一跳。
幸好最后也没事啦，但这令到我更为光火，我过到去一见到他们就直接对着他们大骂一顿！！！
我知道我是有点过火，但当时我真的是气到出烟！连他们那么多学生同时放学之中，我也认出他们两个；他们就看不到我的车吗？！
哼，他们要讨厌我就讨厌够吧！我也很生气！什们心情也没有啦！哼！=(

What I did on year 2010?

2011-01-01T22:09:00.010+08:00

1st, I'm glad that finally I can further study at Uni's life~
although the tuition was expensive enough, but those lecturers, doctors and professors are nice~ ^^
but the most sad thing is, why I still can get failed in exam? somemore BMS related to bio term.. ish.. how comes huh? eventhough I've skipped for one year study, but it shouldn't be a good excuse for me to get failed right?! Ishhhhh!!!
Alright, still one more chance for me to re-sit, hope this time I can get passes lo~ =D
** not kidding, I must get pass!!!!! Please pray hard for me although I'm praying hard for myself everyday now!!!

2nd, seem like always get emo~ =(
Why ah? Somemore serious than last year~
Ishhh~ it should not be anymore~
Must try to avoid it in this whole new year 2011!
Life is getting better but not getting worse! =)

3rd, glad that there always lot of friends around me when I'm unhappy......
Always consult me when I take things too hard;
Gave me opinion when I get confused;
Taught me when I did something wrong;
Support me when I need it;
Help me when I'm in trouble;
Listen to me when I got lot to share; and etc...
wow, it's really lots to share when talking about them!
Do appreciate them lots for being with me always besides my family!
Thanks and love you all!! =D

4th, I have to work more hard on both study and working in this year 2011...
Study hard for not wasting money on re-sit anymore,
yet don't let my family and lecturers get disappointed on me!
While working hard for earning more and more money,
try not to let my parents stress about financial problem,
although I can't help much but I willing to try my whole best to help!
At least must be better than last year!

Anyway, should throw away those unhappy and start the whole new year with hope and happiness!
And yea, I should be more mature in thinking and not to easily get influence by others! =D
See yea! ^^

内疚

2010-12-31T10:55:00.006+08:00

昨天，让我发现了一个我一直以来都没发现到的问题。。。
而这件事到现在就一直困扰着我。。。
而让我再次失眠了。。
为什么要让我遇到这样的人？
为什么要让我觉得内疚？
为什么要让我觉得之前的我很过份？
为什么我一直要不知觉的伤害他、令他难堪？
为什么他要一直这样容忍我？

现在的我已经没颜面再出现了。。
我觉得别人在说我时，我会觉得很没脸；
而他呢？面对我的无理取闹，仍然嬉皮笑脸。。。
这是我最不能原谅自己的。。。

我突然很讨厌自己，
也很恨自己。。
讨厌自己的看不开；
讨厌自己的小气；
讨厌自己口无遮拦；
讨厌自己在说话时没顾虑到别人的感受。。。

为什么？为什么我要变成这样？！
我情愿现在有一个人可以把我骂醒。。。
我也不想这样。。。

现在的我，到底该怎么办啊？？？ =(

Christmas Eve + Mun Ling's Bday Celebration~

2010-12-25T00:12:00.017+08:00

Wohoo~ yea, one of my old old friend, mun ling, her birthday was on 24th dec~
mean during christmas eve, of course we will remember it was her birthday too!!!

Well, since this year slightly different than previous year, coz she is going to step in 21st years old!
so sin yee and I plan to have a celebration with her lo~
No present as well, but the meals were not cheap though~ ok? so, it's fair! =)

Yup, we having the celebration at Silver Spoon restaurant where is stated at menjalara there~
(suppose before that we plan to celebrate at Bel Pasto Italian Restaurant at metro prima, but there was a very traffic jam at kepong area since the traffic lights were out of service after the heavy rain!)
Plus, we felt very hungry during that time,
In the case of no choice, we choose to make an U-turn and toward to Sliver Spoon Restaurant at menjalara with someone suggestion..
I want to tell something here is I thought it was a place where only selling spoons or something related dinner set when I saw the shop from the outside~ LOL

After we went in, only realised that suppose need to reserved place, (coz it's christmas eve mah, of course there will be lots of family or couple going to celebrate together lo~)
Luckily, we arrived early, around 6.30pm like that,
so still got free places can fit us in la~ =D
We have spent around 1 1/2 or 2 hours in the restaurant,
coz we chit-chat alots during eating, then desserts and drinking~
when the time getting late, there is more and more customers came in~
for those who didn't make reservation, they need to wait for places,
but then we don't care at all, keep on chating, and capture~ hahaha!
I wondering they ( the boss and those who waiting for places) also will think that why 3 of us still got mood to stay so long time while some of customers who came late than us also went back after finished eating~ Hahahah!
LOL, we don't care, coz we need to pay more money leh, of course need to spent lots of time on enjoying the foods and environment la!

Here is some pictures~

Lol, it's me~=P

There's our meal~ we share it together~
1st one=RM 29, 2nd one= RM 27, and 3rd one= RM 33
(sorry that I've forget the name~ T_T)

Tadaa~ our meals and drinks~ forget the name, but then still remember it was mocktail~ nice! RM 15 per glass...

Our desserts, Tiramisu~ =D RM 16 per one

This is the Birthday girl!

Sin yee and I,

After ate, there is the only one we capture together in front of the mirror~ =)

After that, the time still early, just around 8.40pm like that~
we went to Desa Park City have a walk and continue capture pictures again~
Seriously, it was my first time to Desa Park City leh~ =.=lll
then we went back lo~
Coz tired jor~

Anyway, Merry Christmas to everyone! ^^

P/s: Well, I would like to announce here that I'm seriously broke after today before I get this month salary~ Ishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... T___________________T

Useless me...

2010-12-24T16:47:00.010+08:00

Today is christmas eve..
and yea, suppose to be happy..
yet I'm already try to leave all those unhappy things at side...
yup, seriously don't know why these few days feel kinda stresses!
even I don't understand why those unhappy or unlucky things keep on looking for me?! =/

No matter how those stresses keep on coming near to me,
I just be quiet and moody only,
I will try to tell myself not to cry,
must hold, and all will be alright later...

who knows, my boss today coming back from trip,
once he arrived he direct call and ask me how about these few days during working..
at starting I still act like nothing happened and feel happy when heard he was back,
when he ask me about working, I just keep quiet on the other side..
and yea he told me he roughly know what had happened on me,
because his wife has told him a bit before that when she saw what status that I've posted on FB..
He understand I might not be convenient to talk lots in phone,
so that he said will call me later,
ask me don't feel unhappy...

Who knows, after put down the phone,
my tears come out from eye suddenly
Ishhhh, I cry?
Although it's just a while, but then at least feel better...
feel like finally i found the way to express out all those unhappy things which keep in my heart these few days..
But I still feel I'm useless enough..
why I have to cry??? =(

Doing nothing ='(

2010-12-22T11:38:00.011+08:00

In fact, I also don't know why I'll be here~
somemore I feel like I'm nothing in the office~ especially I have done all the things that my boss asked me to do and I saw other clerks seem like very busy..
Me? yea, online + facebook + even bring along the notes and study...
I don't mind he gave me lot of jobs to do and busy like hell,
yet, I just don't hope to facing some of the questions as like others keep on asking me: "Is he got lot of things to do?" or "He pay you sat here?"
yea, that's what another people ask me just now again..
Without doubt, my boss and even some of my colleagues ask me just ignore them,
don't bother what they said and ask..
But the problem is, I can't ignore my self-respect...
that is I need to help people do something as the person pay me!

I understand my boss is trying to help me...
He knew I'm facing financial problem so that he offer me as his assistant,
but then I really hope that I can help but not just sat over there and do nothing!
I hope to find someone chat, but then I can't be the one who disturbing those who busy..
plus, I'm not asking to chat and talk lots with salary given..
So I choose to be quiet, online and study at the corner..
but some of them keep on came near to me and see what I'm busying for?
To be honestly, I even started to feel embarrassed when I was sitting there...

Haiz... I'm very unhappy now!!! ='(

Lunch at Shangri-La Hotel!!!

2010-12-19T18:52:00.008+08:00

We went to Shangri- La hotel for lunch with my clinic colleagues under boss treating~ Hoho~
Seriously, I ate lots on that day~ because I'm good in mood and the most important things is the foods are nice yet under accompany with a cute girl~ So both of us keep on grab the foods!!! =D

Here are some simply pictures I took on that day, sorry for I took so few lo~ coz paiseh neh~ >.<
See, so many people~ =)
Nice view~ in dessert part~ =D

These are the dessert I "grab" on that day~ Yummy~ ^^

To be honestly, the foods are nice and we ate till so full on that day~
Ish~ I know my weight has been increased immediately after this meal due to over intake~ huhuhuhu~

淡忘中~

2010-12-16T16:03:00.007+08:00

不知不觉，又四个多月了~
慢慢的，从之前的愤怒，变成生气甚至讨厌，到现在已经气消了和冷静了~
到目前，不知怎的，我依稀还记得那件事的发生，
本来是开心的一个聚会到最后不欢而散。。。

我生气，是因为他们的不诚实；
我无奈，是因为他们的表里不一；
最令我愤怒的，是最后男方告诉我同事的一句：“我还是觉得那女的比较可怜...”
听到这一句，同样身为朋友的真的感到很心冷了，
他什么情况都还没了解到，单听单方面的说辞就已经下了判断。
无可否认的，事实上可能真的可能是他说对了，
但我很不能接受他的处事过程，对别人说女方怎样可怜、怎样诉苦之类的，
但对我，他却只字不提，
就连为什么我会如此生气都不曾过问过。。
这对我真的很不公平。。我当时真的生气！

我选择退出，是因为不想再理了；
我选择沉默，是不想再给任何意见；

好了，现在不知不觉过了这么久了，
再怎么生气，也气饱了，
原来气一个人也真的蛮辛苦的，
多一个朋友怎样都比多一个敌人好，是不？
算吧算吧~ 一觉睡醒了过后还是朋友！！=)

BMS~ =(

2010-12-07T22:36:00.005+08:00

I don't know it's my study way wrong or my brain cells degraded?
I don't understand it's not enough time for me to prepare or it's too many things to memorised?
It's a lots of why appear in my mind now and even I also don't know why!

I scare I will failed;
I scare I need to re-sit the paper;
I scare I need to re-take the whole new sem;
and yea, I scare to waste lots of money on study... since I know that my dad was unable to cover the whole course tuition fees, moreover, to re-take?

I told my friend, they ask me should not think too much, just let it be since it adi passed..
but my brain tell me that I can't,
damn stupid thing...

Cry, it help nothing for me now..
what I need to do now is just keep on study, study and still study,
to ensure that all these thing from the notes can fit into my brain...
And yea, there will be few more papers to go~
and i don't dare to imagine how it will be~
same as the BMS?
Damn... -ve thinking again!
IT should be better than BMS! should I think so?

If the result release out and I really need to re-sit for one paper,
well, I will still go for it~
Hope that there's only one BMS I need to re-sit and NOT ALL..
and yea, hope that I can get through the re-sit for BMS and not going to re-take the whole sem! ok?!
PRAY HARD For myself now~~~~~!!!!!

The days while we posting at P.D

2010-11-30T21:14:00.033+08:00

In that periods while we were in posting at Port Dickson, it can be said happy and yea of course some of unhappy there~ (Just minority la~) Happy is due to I can learned how to be independent when staying outside and with friends. Yea, I do appreciated that they did taught me lot of things and gave me support when I was in depressed mood.

For unhappy thing is ...... I'm not going to talk much here, it's due to someone personal problem. What I dislike is she never discuss with us for what she going to do, and it's suddenly happened on the last week of our posting at P.D. Why it can be happened suddenly? And yea we also hope to know why. Alright, I'm not going to restrict for what she want to, but then hello, for some of the things that we need to share together, you at least need to talk or discuss with us before do or on it, can?! IT'S NOT YOUR OWN HOUSE but we SHARE! Finally we able to see the true face of this person, and this is still not a thing to be happy. But we really can't stand it then only ignore this person. Ishhh~~

Alright alright, I don't want to continue with this person topic anymore. I want to share something here

Yea! It's our dinner! =D

Steamboat? Yea, sure! Soup and tomyam!

The last dinner for our posting at P.D~ and we ate til gonna to vomit~ coz it's too FULL!!! =.=lll

Here all our lunch and dinner pictures when we staying and cook it at home~ (mostly were dinner~) It looks simple but nice! =D

Yea of course, we went out and looking for seafood at restaurant too! It's damn nice and it was my first time to ate so many times crabs within 3 weeks! It's 3 times!!! Woohoo~ ( before that I seldom to eat crab at home~ because it's expensive~ T_T) so those pictures will try to upload later if I'm free k?

See yea! =D

Yor~ I'm back~~

2010-09-05T14:07:00.010+08:00

I'm back!!! Finally I'm back!!! Yea yea, I know I'm lazy enough la~ skipped the blog for almost 1 year plus!!!

Ok la, sorry la, and especially to that Phui Yen la, ( the one who keep on ask me to update the blog~)

Ok la, and I promised, from now onward I will try to update the blog always ok? ( As if I able ~ =P)

P/s: this post suppose being posted it early, but then too busy, after wrote just leave it as draft, so now only post it out, is it still available?

Pp/s: Not only this, still few more posts too~ =.=lll ( ok, no need to mentioned it again, I know I'm lazy enough~) Chill~

人生......

2009-08-31T00:51:00.012+08:00

自在八月十六日与我几位朋友出席过我那朋友的丧礼后，就从此与我那位朋友说永别了......那丧礼是设在富贵纪念馆里，我是与另一朋友和他家人共车出发的。抵达后，我们就到柜台询问我朋友的灵堂是设在那一间房，过后被告知是在二楼的某一间房。终于给我们找到那一间房了，只见我的几位昔日同窗已抵达，在一旁的沙发上闲聊。而我就与我朋友一起走入灵堂内祭拜那一位朋友，原来那里是不用上香，就只是献花给他。在场有一位工作人员会把一朵朵的鲜花放在一个个小碟上，好让我们一人拿一个小碟鞠躬后，把碟上的鲜花倒在一个装满鲜花的玻璃碗上......然后会安排我们走到幕后的棺木旁见我那位朋友的遗容......

当我们从幕后走回出来后，发现到灵堂内旁设有一个大荧幕，播放着的都是他生前所拍下的照片，而我却没有坐在那里的椅子上观看就被我其中一位朋友拉了出来。我被带到他们所坐的沙发上陪他们一起聊天。另外我看到那位朋友的父母亲，却忙着招呼着到场的亲朋戚友，也娓娓道出我这位朋友这个月来所发生的事情，包括发过高烧进出过医院复原后、过没多久又再度紧急进院被发现肝里被四十五种细菌侵袭等到终不敌死神召唤而去世为止......在他整个抗病过程中都一句不漏的道出。而且还是在不同的亲友、老师的询问下不停的重复。对此我发现到不止我那位朋友很坚强外，连他的家人也很坚强。尤其是当听到：“在医生的急救失败后，我这个当妈妈的都还没哭反之医生和护士却都忍不住掉眼泪......”和那一句在他临终前，他妈妈对他说：“你放心去吧，妈妈会好好活下去的，也会好好照顾爸爸和妹妹的，你不用担心......" 语毕，我那朋友的眼角就留下一滴眼泪就去了……他的妈妈这份坚强真得令我佩服到五体投地！我知道作为妈妈的在这时候一定心痛到极点，但却不愿在孩子面前表露出来，就是怕孩子走的不安心！我这个只是身为朋友的当听到这些话都很想哭，不，一当我步入灵堂看到他的遗照那一刻就已很想哭！但幸好我还忍得住…….更何况那个亲自带他到这世上来而又亲自目送他离开这世上的妈妈！

在回家路途中的一个红绿灯的十字路口上，有一班马来男子竟然在没看清楚路上的车辆行驶中就冲着越过马路。而我朋友就感叹一句他们不爱惜自己的生命，也不顾及身边家人的感受。而他父母就加多一句：“钱没了可以再赚回来、车坏了还可以送去维修、但生命一旦没了就是没了，生命永远都只有一个、无论多有钱都好都不可能再把一个生命买回来。所以你们要好好珍惜之…….”

永别了......我的朋友 - Slyvester

2009-08-15T22:41:00.009+08:00

今天一早在忙着做工时，突然接到“大家姐”的电话。电话的另一头就觉得她的声音很怪，原来她在哭泣。一开头她就讲：“美仪，sly 走了，他去世了.....你知道吗？”我当时给她吓到，忙问：“是谁告诉你的？他什么事？”她说：“是Arif （是曾经与我们一个同科系的同学）告诉她的，在今早凌晨两点多就去世了......”

当时她已泣不成声，根本都听不清楚她在说什么，由于她还要赶着去通知别的同学，就匆匆说了句：“迟些再打回给你.....”就挂掉了。当时我已愣住了，也没什么心情继续手头上的工作了，只想立刻回家！真的太突然，一切都太突然了！我也一时之间哭不出来！突然脑海里回忆起以前一起上课的日子，他在跟我们同班一个学期后（即六个月）就转校了，因他已找到自己要走的路。在那半年里，说长不长，说短也不断。无论我们做什么都是在一起的。那时真得很开心......还记得由于他的名字slyvester跟一个卡通人物的名字相同而常开他玩笑......为何、为何一时之间会突然发生这些事情在我们身上？你叫我们一时之间如何去接受？！

看到他从此不会再更新的部落格、从此不会再进入的facebook 和friendster、还有一个就是自他加了我以后而我却从没跟他聊过天的msn账号，我再也看不到他用他的账号来上线了......很后悔，很后悔从来没以朋友身份关心过他、也很后悔每当看到他在线时却从没主动找他聊过天、也很后悔从来没在他的facebook 和friendster 留过言......为什么会突然间有那么多为什么出现在我身上？

既然一切都已发生，我们也唯有接受。我们从没想过会有一天出席朋友的丧礼......而我们唯一能为他做的就是明天一起去出席他的丧礼、为他献上最后的祝福以及看他最后一面......只能说日后要珍惜眼前人，吾等失去后才后悔。Sly大佬，一路走好，我们会好好过，不会忘记你的。谢谢你曾经给我们留下的回忆......永别了...... 如果可以，我情愿不要与你有说永别的一天......

工作狂

2009-06-18T23:41:00.008+08:00

我在朋友眼中真的是那么像一个工作狂吗？其实我也不懂自己是不是。我只知道在工作时就应尽自己本份，如果做完了自己应做的事，顺便帮下同事的忙也很应该吧。

我目前的工作时间说真的，似乎好像比以前更忙。怎样说呢，请看看我工作时间表，工作时间表如下：

星期一至五，8.30am – 9.00pm

( 8.45am – 5.45pm --> clerk, 6.00pm – 9.00pm --> clinic)

**notes --- 星期四clinic 那里我off** ;

星期六，9.30am – 1.00pm --> clerk, & 6.00pm – 9.00pm --> clinic);

星期日，8.30am – 1.00pm --> clinic

大多数时间我好像都用在工作上，还一天赶两份工，如果我告诉你我不累那是在骗你。但我怎样累，怎样都不及我爸累吧……每天我还没起床前，他就去上班了；当我晚上九点多（最迟晚上十点）回到家时，他却还没回来，要大概晚上十一点多才回到来。告诉我，我这样会很辛苦吗？

就是因为这样，我才不想有什么事都要由我爸支柱，我既然想读书就应该自己想办法。谁叫我的成绩不好，不然可以靠申请奖学金来支付。只可惜我现在明白和后悔得太迟，所以要自己想办法来补救，要靠贷款和自己赚钱来交学费。

有谁不想安枕无忧的过生活？有谁家父母不想自己的孩子成龙成凤？有谁想那么奔波的劳碌一辈子？有谁不想过自己想过的生活？有谁不想在许可的情况下专心读书？我并没有怪责父母的意思，我知道他们看到我如此奔波却帮不上忙时心里会很不好过。但我明白，我真的明白他们的苦境。因为这反而令到我知道当一个人在不得已的情况下更要靠自己去帮助自己。依赖别人，别人只是帮到一时，并不代表永远都能帮到你。

哭，我也很想哭，也已经哭过很多次。但只是会哭而无动于衷有用吗？日子还是要过，问题依旧存在，倒不如自己想办法解决不是更好吗？哭，我想只是用来发泄会比较好，哭过，发泄过，脑袋就会清醒，也转动得比较快。问题总要有解决的一天，不是吗？

我目前应该什么都不想去想吧，只想努力赚钱，储够一笔钱后就想尽快回校园上课吧……