Enjoy The Simple Things...

MEDICATION: Meant to "heal" me....but might be making me "feel" worse.....

2015-11-02T16:57:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't written anything in FOREVER. To be honest, life just got in the way. Kids, family, projects, my health....everything. But as soon as I opened the mail this evening, I knew I needed to post something about this....and a little Facebook rant was just not enough.

Every month I get this lovely statement in the mail from my Health Insurance company showing how much was paid out by my primary and secondary insurances for my prescriptions each month.......

Side Note:

I am absolutely not some pill happy person. I HATE taking medication. And what's worse, none of mine are easy little pills....they're all injections. Needles. God awful jabbing little things that I have to stick into my hips, tummy, and thighs. Hoping I don't hit a vein and bleed like a stuck pig or swell up like crazy....or get a bruise like someone has beaten me. I have had so many people ask me "Well, you take xyz for fatigue right?" or "you know about xyz for this symptom right?" I don't take ANYTHING but my one 3x weekly injection of my Interferon that is hopefully supposedly for disease management....to help prevent my relapses from occurring as frequently, and to help them not be as severe when they do occur. My problem with it is, everyone's MS takes a different course. No two people have the same roller-coaster of symptoms. So who is to say that the injection I am taking is giving me less relapses? If I had 5 in a year....I think that's a lot. Does that mean I would have had 10 without the injection? Or does it mean the injection isn't doing sh*t? I don't know.

My neurologist started me on a new injection that is made to be taken for 5 days straight every three months. It's called: Acthar Gel. This is a highly purified preparation of adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) in a gel that is designed to provide extended release of the ACTH following injection. ACTH stimulates the adrenal cortex gland to secrete cortisol, corticosterone, and aldosterone. It's originally known for helping small children with epilepsy.

End Side Note....

Ok, so I open the statement. Usually it shows one line item...my Rebif. Amounting to somewhere between $5,000 and $8,000 per month. When I first read this last year, I wanted to barf. That was just ridiculous. Who could ever pay that without insurance?

Anyways, this month there is a second line item. My first round of Acthar. If I thought I was going to be sick for the Rebif....this brought me into a whole new level of nausea. The total cost billed to insurance for my Acthar treatment was $34,884.85. WHAT??!! You have got to be kidding me. That is more than $34,000 too much. I mean seriously. Wtf are we as humans allowing to go on here? A medication---not a life saving one---just hopefully a semi helpful one---is costing as much as an average YEARLY SALARY!?

How has no one stopped this? How is it that people just sit back and let this happen? Sure, I am absolutely thankful to have insurance so that my out of pocket cost really is minimal....but WTF! I am sitting here torn between my morals and my health. No person should ever have to be put in that spot. EVER.

Almost ever fiber of my being wants me to never take that medication again. I want to message the drug company and tell them exactly where I think they can shove it and how absolutely astronomically insane this is. I am supposed to take this medication 4 times a year. That amounts to just under $140,000 annually. Are you kidding?? I bet a lot of the 1% couldn't even afford to pay for that! It is beyond disgusting. In fact, I am stuck, I can't find a gross enough word for how that makes me feel.

And then I pause, and I think about my girls. I'm 29 and I have two young amazing little creatures to think about. They need me. And they need me to be as functioning as I can be. I have days as it is where it is hard enough for me to get anything done....and as I sit here feeling completely fatigued and crappy for the last few days....and having my optic neuritis acting up in my right eye again....I'm scared. I'm scared that these horrifically overpriced prescriptions are not actually doing anything. I'm scared that if they are doing anything, it just isn't enough. I'm scared of what "worse" might look like if I stop taking them. I'm scared what this world is going to like like when my girls are 29.

How has it gotten this bad? How are there not more people in an outrage about things like this? How is it there is not actually a system out there to keep things like this from happening? How have we all become so greedy? How is it fair that someone who needs a medication to continue maintaining some semblance of good health should be made to feel like a slimy jerk for taking it? Or worse, not have the option of taking it if decent insurance isn't an option? Has everyone just lost any sense of morals? How do the actual greedy assholes sleep at night knowing they are making people choose between their health and other important things....like feeding their families, keeping a roof over their heads, and preserving some amount of morality.

I'm not sure what I am going to do about my situation. I could go off on another tangent about how insane it is that there isn't more research going into natural things like medical marijuana to treat diseases like MS...or how even though you can get prescriptions for it in some states, insurance doesn't cover it. Why would we ever want to save thousands of thousands of dollars on something natural and not chemical based.....

But alas, I digress... that will be for another day. For now, I will sit here and contemplate. I will contemplate about how much my health is actually worth to me. And how much I think it should be worth to anyone else. Is the medication worth it to me? Is it doing enough for me to justify the filth it leaves me feeling? I feel badly for anyone else also faced with this dilemma. But I feel worse for anyone who should be seeing this but doesn't. Anyone who doesn't feel obligated to speak out about this one atrocity taking place in our daily lives. Anyone who ignores the fact that maintaining our health.....that for many people is probably only broken due to our completely toxic environment we live in (mainly including the crap we feed our faces on a daily basis)....is literally at such an impossible price. How much money could be saved if we just found a way to right the wrongs from the get-go? Grow and eat actual REAL food. Stop polluting our bodies with the toxins that are helping to breed the ever growing illnesses like MS.

I could go on forever about how so many of the things in our world today are making us so sick. It makes me crazy. Thinking about it makes me sicker. Possibly quite literally....it adds such a high level of stress to me....and stress just makes MS worse. I wish I was stronger, I wish I was someone who knew how to speak out to make a difference and make a change....I wish I knew something to do besides rant on my blog......

Homemade Liquid Laundry Detergent...

2013-01-12T08:02:00.003-08:00

Also from my other blog....

Ok, I know, I know another blog about homemade laundry detergent. It seems everywhere I turn someone is talking about it, writing about it, vlogging about it....so what's all the hype?

Well let's start with some of the reasons that I personally started looking into alternatives to conventional detergents....

1. PRICE: It is INSANELY expensive to purchase conventional laundry detergent these days. I cannot even believe the racket that these manufacturers are creating. It's just plain nuts. Why should someone spend on average $16 per bottle of laundry detergent that does anywhere from 36-48 loads of laundry? I can't even remember a bottle of detergent lasting that long, so I don't know what the count is based on. I probably had to buy a new 100oz bottle every month to month and a half.

Photo Source

2. CHEMICALS: This is the real monster in the closet and is the reason I want to spend the most time on. Have you ever considered what exactly is in your conventional laundry detergent? Did you know that laundry detergent manufacturers are not required to list out the ingredients used to make the detergent on the label? Many of the chemicals used in your brand of choice are cancer-causing toxins.....and the people responsible for this do not even have to WARN you about it. How ridiculous is that? That we are not even allowed to be told what it is we are using on our family's laundry.
In 2008, the University of Washington did a study on detergents and found that 99% of laundry detergents tested contained cancer-causing toxins, many of which were not on the label in the list of ingredients. The most dangerous being nonylphenol ethoxylate. Nonylphenol Ethoxylates (NPE) are bad for the environment, bad for wildlife and bad for YOU. Some of the problems that NPEs are noted for causing are: Endocrine (growth and development of tissues and organs) disruption, reproductive disorders such as decreased sperm counts in men, learning disabilities, birth defects, is known to mimic the hormone estrogen and is suspected in causing cancer as well. There have also been studies done that show this chemical to cause damage to heart and muscle function. NPEs are a major chemical used in PESTICIDES! It is so toxic that its use has been banned in Canada and all of Europe, but the United States continues to use it. How nice of them.
Using conventional laundry detergent causes a layer of detergent to remain on your clothing once it has been washed. This causes you to inhale the detergent as well as get the chemicals absorbed into your skin. The chemical will not instantly kill you. It causes damage over time and even just from small amounts of it.
The next toxin that can be found in all laundry detergents (that I am sure you will NOT find on the label) is formaldehyde. This is used as a preservative in many things (such as some of the vaccines we give our children! Another discussion for another time)...things you may never have even considered it to be in. I myself did not realize how many things it was in until I began doing research on vaccines for my daughter and on laundry detergent. The first thing I think of when I hear the word 'Formaldehyde' is the dead, horribly smelly frog that we had to dissect freshman year of high school. 12 years later, I can STILL remember the awful aroma it emitted. Why in God's name would I want something like that going into MY body---which, by the way, just happens to still be alive! Or worse--why would I want to knowingly use anything containing it on my daughter!? The short answer is- I don't. Formaldehyde has been known to have side effects such as skin, eye, nose and throat irritation, headaches and nausea and has even been linked as a possible contributor to some cancers, including leukemia. Once of the main reasons that the detergent you purchase smells so strongly of 'fragrance' is because of more chemicals that are being used to cover up that hideous formaldehyde smell. So when you inhale that pleasant smelling detergent, you may actually be inhaling trace amounts of formaldehyde or other dangerous toxins as well.
Being a new mother as well as newly diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I really wanted to inspect the products that my family was using on their bodies or ingesting in one form or another. I strongly believe that my disease is environment caused. I'm not saying by any means that "I have MS because I used to use Tide to wash my clothes". Absolutely not. But using Tide (or any other conventional detergent) may very well be a factor in the long list of crap we pollute our bodies with that has since attributed to my development of Multiple Sclerosis. I decided that I wanted to avoid as many toxins as I possibly could help. I know it's not easy, and I know it is damn near impossible to avoid them completely. I focus mainly on my daughter. I do not use soaps or washes or shampoos on her. Babies just do not need it. I mainly use all natural or homemade lotions and treatments for her eczema or diaper rashes, or whatever else she may need.

Anyway- those are the two main reasons that I have chosen to steer my family away from the habitual use of conventional laundry detergents such as the infamous Tide. Let's move onto what is actually in the detergent that I use and how I go about making it. :)

The recipe that I use contains 4 basic ingredients:
-Water
-Borax
-Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda
-Bar of Soap (Preferably homemade or all natural, but something like Fels Naptha, Dr. Bonners or Ivory would work as well.)

I also use essential oils, typically Lavender and Orange, though you could use any scent that you would like.

Let's look at Borax... 20 Mule Team Borax was established in 1891. Borax or Sodium Tetraborate Decahydrate is a naturally occurring mineral composed of sodium, boron, oxygen and water. It consists of 99.5 percent pure naturally occurring borax. There are no synthetic, man-made chemicals in it at all. No fragrance, dyes, bleach or other additives. Even though it is all natural and has a low toxicity--do not think that it is nontoxic so be sure to still keep it out of reach of your children, pets and even your crazy mother in law who might think it's a box of bath salts. :)
Borax helps to soften hard water and cleans and deodorizes many different surfaces. In doing my research I found a poorly written article that claimed that borax was dangerous and not to use it. The problem with the article is that they were labeling Borax as "sodium borate and boric acid" Borax is sodium tetraborate--a completely different compound. It is NOT the same as boric acid or sodium borate. Boron is a mineral and salt that is mined straight from the ground. Boric Acid--the compound that can actually be harmful--is created by mixing borax with another acid such as sulfuric or hydrochloric. Borax is completely natural and does not cause cancer or build up in your body.

Next up, Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda... Washing soda is NOT the same as baking soda. Baking soda is sodium bicarbonate, while washing soda is sodium carbonate. You do not want to use baking soda in your laundry detergent. Washing soda has a higher pH level than baking soda and therefore is a stronger compound to use for cleaning. Washing soda is also great at softening water, it works as a bleach substitute by fighting stains, and also neutralizes odors. It can also be used to treat stains such as oil, grease, wine or juice, lipstick and wax.

Now onto the fun stuff! The actual making of the laundry soap.

First, I gathered up all of my materials & ingredients:

20 Mule Team Borax

Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda

Bar of Soap (Fels Naptha)

Empty Laundry Detergent Bottle or Suitable Container

Essential Oils

5 Gallon Bucket---with lid

The next step is to grate the bar of soap. I just use the largest side of a cheese grater. You could use a food processor if you wanted. You want to grate the whole bar (or as much as you can without grating your fingers into the mix as well!)

Once the soap is completely grated you will add it to a pot that contains 4 cups of water. I usually set it over medium heat. You just want to get it hot enough to melt the soap down. Continually stir so it does not burn or clump together.

After melting the soap down, you will want to fill your 5 gallon bucket half full with hot water. Measure out your Borax & Washing soda. Pour the soap into the bucket of water & then add the Borax & Washing Soda. Mix thoroughly.

My Little Mixing Helper

Once everything is mixed well, fill the bucket the rest of the way with water. Put the cover on tightly. Let the mix sit overnight to harden/gelatinise.

The next day when you open the container, it will look like a heaping bucket of jello or cellulite (like you see on tv!) Generally I give it a good mix again (or let my little helper do it). Then I will fill an emptied out conventional laundry detergent container halfway with the soap mixture. Then fill it the rest of the way with water. Add your essential oils (if you choose), Shake, and you are good to go! The soap WILL be clumpier than you are used to. This is normal and perfectly ok. You will probably want to shake the container each time you use it just to give it a good mix.

Below is the complete recipe, Enjoy!!

4 Cups - hot tap water
1 Fels-Naptha soap bar
1 Cup - Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda
½ Cup Borax

- Grate bar of soap

-Add soap to saucepan with water. Stir continually over medium heat until soap is melted and dissolved.

-Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until everything is dissolved and mixed together. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover tightly and let sit overnight to gelatinise.

-Mix again and fill a used, clean, laundry soap dispenser half full with soap mixture and then fill rest of way with water. Shake before each use. (will gel)

-Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. I use Lavender and Orange

-Yield: Liquid soap recipe makes 10 gallons.

-Top Load Machine- Approximately 1/2 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads)

-Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

The Dirty Little Secret about Deodorant...

2013-01-12T08:01:00.001-08:00

So this post is from my other blog... http://anewlifeforusall.blogspot.com/. I will duplicate some of the posts over to here...but please check that site out too if you are interested in reading my posts about natural products and creations! :)

Source

So Deodorant. We all know what it is...and I'd say probably 99% of us use it. Why? Well, originally it started off as a way to keep away the smell from sweating that was caused by dirt and bacteria. But as times changed the newest and greatest thing was added to many deodorants..... ANTIPERSPIRANT.

I am certain that the majority of people purchase their Antiperspirant Deodorants with out even giving a seconds thought to what they are putting on their body and what this product is actually doing to them.

Let's take a look at the ingredients list on the back of a deodorant container...

So the main ingredient I want to talk about just so happens to be the #1 Active Ingredient in an Antiperspirant Deodorant: Aluminum Zirconium Tetrachlorohydrex...now if that doesn't sound scary enough as it is....let's see what it does... Unfortunately Aluminum is found in many of the things we come in contact with during our daily lives such as in utensils, appliances, building materials and containers and is used in the production of glass, ceramics and rubber and is found in paints and fireworks..It is most harmful when used in products that are ingested or applied topically to the body. It is used in products such as antacids, astringents, buffered aspirin, antiperspirants and food additives. (1)

Aluminum is very poorly absorbed by the gastrointestinal tract...only 0.1% of intake actually being absorbed. (2) There have been studies that show that a high level of exposure to aluminum can cause neurological and lung damage.

Even though the effects of orally ingesting aluminum are so harmful, a study that was done on mice showed that when applied topically to the skin, aluminum was even more dangerous to the body. A study that was done in 2001 showed that one application or an aluminum based antiperspirant under the arm allowed the body to absorb the aluminum through the skin and the aluminum remained in the bloodstream 15 FIFTEEN days after the one application under the arm. (3) This means that by applying aluminum to your skin, you are allowing the aluminum to end up in your body, blood stream and your brain.

Aluminum was first recognized as a human neurotoxin in 1886. (4) A neurotoxin is something that causes damage to nerves or nerve tissue. Post-mortem analysis of Alzheimer’s infected brains has shown increased levels of aluminum compared to people that did not die from Alzheimer’s. The short term symptoms of aluminum toxicity include memory loss, learning difficulty, loss of coordination, disorientation, mental confusion, colic, heartburn, flatulence, and headaches.(5)

The reason aluminum is used in deodorant is because it serves in blocking the pores under your arms. Making it difficult to impossible for your body to release sweat through them. While many see sweating as something "gross" or to be avoided...sweating is actually a natural occurrence that is very important for your body to do in order to maintain temperature. Sweating allows the body to regulate its temperature. Sweating causes a decrease in core temperature through evaporative cooling at the skin surface. (6) By preventing your body from being able to naturally maintain its core temperature, you are disrupting the normal function of the body.

The main focus in a deodorant should be to prevent odor causing bacteria. NOT to prevent your body from actually sweating. Sweat is not gross, it is totally natural, and everyone does it.

There are many other chemicals and ingredients that can actually be irritants to the skin if not even more harmful.

You may not be one of the people who's skin is more irritated when using deodorant than not, and you may not notice any of the symptoms of aluminum toxicity..but why risk it for your body? After years of using these products on myself, I feel jipped for not learning sooner how awful they were. And I feel it is my responsibility to learn all of these things so that I can properly educate my daughter so that she does not also have to be dragged into the typical path that society walks down of polluting our bodies without even knowing we are doing it.

Do your body a favor and take a look at what you are putting in or on it. You deserve better. It is so easy to make many of your own products. I will continue posting blogs with recipes and videos showing you how to make things. And as I perfect my recipes I will list them on my website: www.SimplyNaturalSoaps.net for you to buy should you not have the time or energy to make them yourselves. There are so many resources out there making it easier and easier for you to have access to all natural products that will not harm your body!

1. “Definition of Aluminum.” MedicineNet.Com. 9 Jan. 2008 <http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=39609>.

2. Flaten, Trond P. “Aluminium as a Risk Factor in Alzheimer’s Disease, with Emphasis on Drinking Water.”Brain Research Bulletin 55 (2001): 187-196. 19 Jan. 2008http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/journal/03619230.

3. Flarend, R, T Bin, D Elmore, and S L. Hemb. “A Preliminary Study of the Dermal Absorption of Aluminium From Antiperspirants Using Aluminium-26.” Food and Chemical Toxicology 39 (2001): 163-168. 22 Jan. 2008 <http://www.elsevier.com/locate/foodchemtox>.

4. Jansson, Erik T. “Aluminum Exposure and Alzheimer’s Disease.” Journal of Alzheimer\’s Disease 3 (2001): 541-549. 9 Jan. 2008 <http://iospress.metapress.com/link.asp?id=wb0qym7m9212er2t>.

Also available at: http://www.deptplanetearth.com/pub/jad3jansson.html

5. “Heavy Metal Toxicity.” Life Extension. 17 Jan. 2008 <http://www.lef.org/protocols/prtcl-156a.shtml#alum2>.

6. "Perspiration". Wikipedia. 29 Dec. 2012. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perspiration>.

GET FIT with Old Navy Active Wear!

2013-01-05T12:57:00.001-08:00

Hey, All Things Abigail readers! Melissa has graciously consented to letting me use her blog to review our recent venture to Old Navy, where we scored some free active wear, courtesy of Old Navy & Crowdtap:

Two Sundays before Christmas is a DANGEROUS time to head to a major shopping complex, but the allure of free active wear was just too strong to resist. Melissa convinced me to pull my lazy butt out of bed early and we hit Old Navy about 30 minutes after the mall opened---perfect timing! Old Navy was pretty empty when we arrived and we had the dressing room to ourselves (always a bonus, with a toddler running around).

The selection of styles and colors was pretty slim at our local Old Navy; most of the pants were black, and being New Englanders in mid-December, we both chose to bulk up our winter wardrobe by selecting a multi-tasking fleece jacket:

Black is my wardrobe staple, and I swore I’d pick a “color” for this sample share....but, I wanted something I could get away with wearing at work. My building is wicked drafty and this black fleece perfect! The zip down was available in a few other colors, but they either weren’t office appropriate, or they were white (and me wearing white never ends well). I really wanted to try either the GoDRY Running Top or the active stretch pullovers (love the little thumb holes) but (of course!) our store didn’t have either in stock:

As for pants, there really wasn’t much of a selection, basically different black or grey styles of yoga pants. There were a few compression pants, but they were all capris (and let’s be serious, it’s NEW ENGLAND and its COLD!). Melissa and I dug through racks and racks of black yoga pants, finally settling on this flattering bootcut pair:

Honestly, it’s been too cold to wear these, but I'm sure I will pull out the yoga pants next week when my sister and I start our new workout routine: cardio kickboxing on the Wii! (Let's all take a moment & hope she doesn't end up kicking me in the head during an intense workout).
And of course, an All Things Abigail post wouldn't be complete without an appearance from Abigail herself! Here’s all three of us in the dressing room area at ON (notice the “our faves!” in the background):

If you haven't signed up for Crowdtap yet, you totally should! Last year alone, I received about $200 in free Old Navy merch, plus a few other random sample shares, AND you get rewarded for participation with Amazon gift cards. Pretty awesome, huh?

Holiday 2012 Influenster VoxBox

2012-12-29T14:32:00.001-08:00

So I just got my second Influenster VoxBox in the mail the other day... This one I am MEGA excited about!! It had a bunch of fun and exciting things in it....

Here is what I found when I opened the box....

The first item was the Goody QuickStyle Hair Brush. It claims to help dry your hair 30% faster with these little microfiber bristle things in between the regular bristles. I tried this out on the first day, and so far I really like it! I think it did in fact help my hair dry faster. I am concerned that it might be difficult to clean hair out of the brush the way it is designed (I have long hair and tend to leave plenty behind after brushing)...But over all I think it is a pretty decent brush!

Next up...my all time favorite... The Quaker Oats Medleys--Cherry Pistachio!!!

I LOOOOVE Quaker Medleys....and somehow they knew the Cherry Pistachio was my favorite! One of the best things for breakfast. I've always liked oatmeal...but this brings it to a whole new level!! Every flavor is great, but the Cherry Pistachio gets a 10 all the way!!

The third item out of the box was NYC Lip Gloss. This went on pretty well and was a decent color...but seemed to dry my lips out pretty quickly. I'm sure that I will use it again, but it is definitely not the best lip gloss I have ever had. Not bad for a sample though!

Finally, the last thing in the package was a set of Kiss Nail dress, black and silver nail decals. Enough for a manicure and pedicure...I am really excited about these. Cant wait to give them a try. Will do a separate quick post on them when I finally get to use them later this week hopefully. They look really cool and I hope they look as great once they are on!

So that's that with the Holiday 2012 VoxBox...As always, thank you Influenster for this opportunity to try some great products!!

Sooper-Dooper Stain Remover!!

2012-11-28T12:26:00.000-08:00

Ok- so I know I am always ranting and raving about 'All Natural' 'Homemade' 'Organic' 'Healthy' and what have you....but every now and again I stumble across something that is NOT totally natural...but it works miraculously so I have to share it. At least until I come up with the All Natural Alternative to it. :)

So here's the deal.... a week ago my 20 month old decided she wanted to wear some makeup. She managed to find an old bag of makeup I no longer wear and decided to try lots of it on....

She was COVERED. It was all over her pants and sweatshirt, her face and hair. Notice the attempts at the eyeliner? I guess she tried really well, and basically knew what she was attempting to achieve...but it didn't turn out so well for either of us.

Anyways, I quickly removed her soiled clothing and threw them in the hamper to be forgotten about for a week. On Sunday I did a load of laundry for her and when it was all done and I went to fold it, I remembered the foundation covered clothing. They were pretty terribly stained. I know that many of my daughters clothes wind up with juice stains or various other stains, but this was the worst I had seen..

I was pretty bummed that I had forgotten about the makeup so I did not pre-treat it and then I was even more bummed that the wash did not remove the stains. I was thinking I was probably stuck and the pants might as well be thrown away....but just for the heck of it I decided to look up some homemade stain removers. The one I found was so simple--and though not 100% natural, I decided to give it a try.

The Recipe: 1 part Original Dawn Dish Soap (the plain old blue stuff) vs 2 parts Hydrogen Peroxide. Mix it together and pour it onto the stain.

Let it set for a while...the longer you let it set, the better I am sure it will work...but I'm pretty impatient when it comes to waiting for things like this, so I only waited a few minutes. I took a white rag and began rubbing small circles around the stains. When I was done, the clothing was pretty soapy so it was hard to see if anything actually worked. So, I at first assumed like many other things--that it was a farce. So I went to the sink, rinsed the pants out and hung them up to dry for a while. I forgot all about them (seems to be a common occurrence in my life) until this morning. I picked them up, they were still a little damp, but mostly dry...and this is what I had...............................

A MIRACLE!!!

They are not absolutely perfect...there is a small spot on the left (pictured right) knee...but that is where I had started running out of solution and did not spend much time scrubbing...

But other than that, all of the foundation stains came out!!

I cannot believe it!! This will be my favorite go to stain remover (at least until I find a recipe for a totally natural one that works as well). I cannot believe that it removed an oily set in stain that was forgotten for a week and then run through the laundry and still hadn't budged.

Super easy recipe, that really WORKS! Give it a try!

FREE Old Navy Sweater!!!

2012-11-25T12:58:00.002-08:00

So another site that I belong to besides Influenster is Crowdtap. This site is pretty awesome too. It's laid out really simple and you accumulate points by answering survey questions about various products and you can redeem the points for gift cards or other various things. It's pretty cool.

Anyways, I qualified for a Sweater Share from Old Navy which meant that myself and a friend could go to Old Navy, try on a bunch of sweaters (of our choosing) and get one for FREE....Totally FREE....no strings attached.

Our Coupons

I was super excited about this, because who doesn't love FREE stuff!? And to top it off, I LOVE Old Navy!!! So I took along my best friend Rae and we tried on a whole bunch of sweaters. Here's a picture of the ones we chose!! I love cable sweaters but they are usually too pricey for me to want to spend the money on myself...but this time I got one for free!! That left me with spending money to buy a hat and some gloves that I desperately needed!! (It's COLD out there!!) So now I am one happy mommy! Got my Old Navy fix in for this week....got a really nice, comfy, soft, warm, pretty sweater!! And an awesome fleece hat and gloves so the rest of my appendages don't freeze and fall off!

Definitely stop by Old Navy and grab yourself a sweater, they have an awesome selection and they are having some great holiday sales!!

LOVE ME SOME OLD NAVY!!

Thanks Old Navy & Crowdtap for this opportunity!!

Influenster - VoxBox

2012-10-23T13:18:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago I qualified for my first VoxBox with Influenster. The package was the "Bride to Be" kit that contained all products that should help the bride out on her big day. Here is a list of what was in the box...

Here's a list of products:
*Schwarzkopf Professional BC Hair therapy Repair Rescue
- Shampoo
- Conditioner
- Split end sealer
* Rescue Gum (Natural Stress Relief Gum)
* Kiss everEzlashes
* Dream water

I have not used the eyelashes or the split end sealer yet, but I figured I would write a short blog on the products I have used.

The first product I tried was the Rescue Gum. This is sold at stores such as Whole Foods & GNC. It is an all natural homeopathic gum. Upon trying this, I concluded that you really need to chew quite a few pieces in order to feel any sort of "stress relief". My biggest problem with it, to me it tasted like citrus soap. It sort of had a soapy or weird taste to it that was hard to get over. The flavor doesn't last all that long (which at first I thought was a good thing) but unflavored gum is kind of just as nasty as soapy flavored gum. Here is how I would sum this item up:

Pros- Seems to work some after chewing several pieces
Cons- Flavor is pretty awful
Verdict- If the flavor doesn't bother you, you may find it worth a try!

Check them out: www.rescueremedy.com

The next product I tried was the Schwarzkopf Professional BC Hair Therapy Repair Rescue Shampoo & Conditioner. Now, this was a big step for me because I have gone about 6 months using only baking soda & apple cider vinegar to wash my hair, and then recently switched over to an all organic brand. So giving this a try was a big step. I concluded that the Shampoo was decent. I did not like it nearly as much as my organic brand, but it did the job. My hair felt clean after using it. On the other hand---I was highly disappointed with the conditioner. It left my hair feeling extremely dry and gritty. My hair does not seem to even get that dry when not using conditioner, so I am not sure what went wrong with this stuff.

Pros- Shampoo cleans hair well & smells nice
Cons- Conditioner left hair extremely dry
Verdict- Worth trying, might work ok for you!

Check them out: http://www.schwarzkopf.com/sk/en/home.html

The final product was the dream water:

I was really excited about this one. It's all natural and claims to help you sleep...which God knows, I can use from time to time! I had it out on my desk ready for the perfect night to drink it down and see how it works....and then the other day, my husband said to me "I drank this dream water stuff from your desk, and damn, I slept great last night!" I was SOO bummed! But, he does have way more trouble sleeping than I do, so I was actually glad it worked for him. I told him he had to tell me everything he could about it since I needed to write a review and he said that he thought it tasted really good and it worked. It's a zero calorie sleep and relaxation dietary supplement shot. It was flavored blueberry-pomegranate. From what I've seen, it looks like you can find these for about $2.99 at places like Target & Walgreens, and they have a few flavors. This is something I will go out and buy to give it a try!

Pros: Hubby says it tastes and works great!
Cons: Seems a little pricey
Verdict: Definitely going to buy some!

http://www.drinkdreamwater.com/

Overall, I was pretty impressed with my first VoxBox, and I look forward to being given the privilege of blogging on future ones as well!

MMS & DMSO Treeatment for MS

2012-07-31T06:07:00.000-07:00

Ok- so yet another thing I want to talk about. I had someone tell me about a man named Jim Humble and a treatment that he "discovered" that helps with treating many illnesses and diseases. Click here for the list.

The treatment is called MMS, Miracle Mineral Supplement. Now, I know, I was turned off by the name because, well, it has the word "Miracle" in it. And me being a skeptic, miracles are few and far between. But after more research I decided that miracle might be the best fitting word for it! MMS is a simple 28% Sodium Chlorite added to Distilled Water mixture. Sodium Chlorite has been used for many years to treat drinking water, but how it works with the body is what makes it so special.

When activated with citric acid, Sodium Chlorite becomes Chlorine Dioxide. When digested, the chlorine dioxide is released into the body. Chlorine dioxide is the most powerful killer of pathogens out there. And as I believe that pathogens are what cause a majority of our illnesses today, including my MS, a pathogen killer seemed like the best course of action for me to take. The immune system uses the chlorine dioxide to kill the bad germs, viruses, bacteria and so forth. Once this happens, your body is then able to focus on what is actually "broken"....like asthma, cancer, MS, whatever....and work to repair itself.

If you mention to many doctors that you are taking "Chlorine Dioxide" they may say, 'that's bleach!' or 'Chlorine!?'......it's true, while Chlorine itself is a dangerous chemical (even though it is put into our drinking water)...Chlorine Dioxide (ClO2) is something completely different. It is NOT bleach. It is NOT Chlorine.

To explain it simply....The MMS helps to take a load off your immune systems shoulders so that it can start to do the work it was intended to do.

Me being a skeptic of course thought, eh, this guy must just be trying to make a buck like every other "miracle" drug seller out there.....but after research, I do not believe that this is true. The man is in his 80's. He doesnt look to be living a wealthy life by any means. He is not selling this stuff, he only teaches you how to make it. I honestly believe that he believes this stuff works and is trying to help people. So here I am giving it a try.

If anyone has any more questions on it, let me know. It's hard for me to type for too long with my numb hands...my arm starts too kill....but hopefully that will all change soon!

Today, Monday 7/30/12 was my first day on MMS...I also began taking DMSO (Dimethyl Sulfoxide) which is a carrier, helping to bring things like the MMS straight into the body. It has been known to help in many illnesses and has been used in cancer treatments.

I am working at building up to 24 drops per day of MMS...starting with 1 drop on day one, 2 on day two, etc. The first day I did not taste anything when taking the MMS...however I have read that it tastes terrible. I'm sure as my dose increases I will discover this.

The DMSO on the otherhand....tastes HORRIBLE. It tastes of Sulfur. If I pinch my nose while drinking it I can get it down and it only has a bitter taste...but I have to hold my nose for several seconds after the last sip to ensure the smell dies down some so I dont gag and risk it coming back up.

I think the worst part of it so far is that when taking DMSO your body emits an odor. It's not very offensive, but it can be pretty pungent. Most people are told it smells like garlic. However it kind of depends on your body chemistry. It's quite embarassing to me because as far as I know, I have never "smelled" in my life....but this seems to be pretty strong. My husband said the whole house smells of me. He claims it smells like "pickled beets"....but when I was at work everyone kept saying they smelled corn on the cob...which I read that many people smell of corn. I almost think I'd rather smell of sulfur. I considered ditching the DMSO altogether....but it's only for a few weeks that I have to take it...and if it's going to give me a chance at feeling better...I guess I will have to be the social outcast for now. Sorry in advance to anyone that has to be around me the next few weeks. And trust me, I've tried many perfumes and body sprays and nothing seems to work. But getting better is worth the struggle. And I can't smell it at all, so I only have to taste the sulfur, which may very well be worse!

Anyways, of course I don't have any changes to speak of yet....but I will keep updating as hopefully many things change. Check out JimHumble.biz for more info. I think this really could help many people out. And I'll be the guinea pig and let you all know how it works for me!

UPDATE 2: Using All Natural Homemade Shampoo

2012-07-02T07:55:00.001-07:00

Ok so I had the worst time taking pictures this week...I think I'll have Kel take them next time... but here is one shot of what my hair looks like after almost 3 weeks. It's getting there. Still a little oily, but nothing too terrible. It's been so hot I've just been wearing it up anyways. I can't wait to be able to post the photos of it looking healthier than it did before!! PS...don't mind my bad dye job. I really need to take the time to redo it! The darker ends is because the dye hasn't worn off there yet.

All Natural Homemade Toothpaste

2012-06-29T07:26:00.001-07:00

My latest adventure in DIY Naturals...Toothpaste.

Now, this isn't my favorite tasting product ever...but generally, anything with baking soda isnt very yummy. However, knowing that it is sooooo much better than the chemical crap in store bought toothpaste...helps it taste a little better. :) Have you noticed how expensive toothpaste is getting? It can be well over $4.00 a tube. And, if you buy organic or all natural toothpaste from the health food store, you're looking at closer to $10! I spent $8 on a little tiny tube of tooth gel for Abigail because I didn't want her to ever use the regular store bought junk.

Did you know that Fluoride is poisonous to us?

The following information is pulled from a great article that you can read here

"Fluoride is a pollutant, a by-product of copper, iron and aluminum manufacturing. The problem of how to legally dispose of fluoride was solved in the 1930's when a study (funded by one of the country's largest aluminum companies) concluded that fluoride prevented tooth decay. Even more alarming the chemicals most used to fluoridate drinking water are silicofluorides, contaminated waste product of industry, that were never safety tested on humans or animals. As a result what we are actually doing is conducting a massive toxicological experiment with our children as the test subjects.

Silicofluorides are linked with children's increased lead absorption. Studies link fluoride chemicals to bone fractures, lowered IQ, thyroid dysfunction, cancer, allergies and more.....

Fluoride is highly toxic. In fact, before fluoride was deemed a "cavity fighter," it was used as insecticide and rat poison. In fact when it comes to dental hygiene, fluoride actually does more harm than good........

There is also the conspiracy theory, which argues that the governments are deliberately introducing Fluoride into our food and water supplies in order to keep us docile and therefore easier to control. Perhaps the reason this belief has come about is because of the historical fact that during World War II the German Gestapo used fluoride in their Nazi concentration camps with a view to subduing their prisoners."

And those are just a few blurbs from the article. I highly recommend that you read the rest of it as well.

Fluoride is yet another chemical that I would rather avoid as much as possible---especially for my daughter.

Anyways, it's super simple to make...and took me about 5 minutes max. You can play around with your essential oils to get a flavor that works for your family. So far, I just used what I had. I started with just Spearmint....but my hubby said it needed "some fruit or something" so I added some orange oil.

Here's the recipe:

3 Tbsp Coconut Oil

3 Tbsp Baking Soda

25 Drops essential oil (ie: spearmint, peppermint, etc)

2 Tsp Vegetable Glycerin

A little bit of Sea Salt (optional)

1 Packet Stevia (optional)

Mix it all together and store in a container. If you want something "squeezable"...I've thought that one of the travel size shampoo bottles you can buy just about anywhere might work....or, I've read that the Cake Frosting Bag method works too. The metal tip and squeezable bag should work great! Right now mine is just in a tiny little container on the bathroom sink.

Any questions, comments, or recommendations...please share!!

Homemade All Natural Disinfecting Cleaner

2012-06-27T10:49:00.001-07:00

Ok- This is a super simple one, but I absolutely LOVE it so I figured I would post it for you!

Ingredients for Homemade All Natural Disinfectant Spray

Pull out one of your disinfectant sprays from under your kitchen sink....look at the ingredients...can you pronounce half of them? Maybe you can...but do you know what they are?

Here is what I found on Lysol All Purpose Disinfectant Cleaner:

Detergent/dispersant additive

Benzalkonium chloride

Alkyl (C12-C18) dimethyl benzyl ammonium chloride

Does that sound something you really want to be using around your family? Well, for me it doesn't. I hate using chemicals. I hate being "stuck" having to use them because it's about all you can buy without spending an arm and a leg. Do you think 200 years ago people were using as many chemicals on a daily basis as we are? I don't think so. They were dependent on much more natural ingredients. Sure, if you are in a hospital and need things sterile...probably chemicals are the way to go for now unfortunately....but for cleaning up everyday messes around the house, I opt to avoid them where I can.

Here's my recipe for All Natural Disinfectant Cleaning Spray.

I used an empty spray bottle (you could even reuse one from your chemical products if you clean it out really thoroughly)...

List of Ingredients:

Hot Water (to just about fill your spray bottle)

1 tbs baking soda

2 tbs liquid castile soap (I used Dr. Bonner's Eucalyptus)

30 Drops Lavender Essential Oil

20 Drops Tea Tree Oil

30 Drops Thyme or Eucalyptus Oil (I didn't have either but since I used the Eucalyptus soap I was ok)

Just add all ingredients to the water in the spray bottle...shake and you are good to go!

No need to worry about your toddler getting into the cabinets now...while some of these things won't taste very yummy....they won't warrant a call to the poison control center either!

There are many studies being done that show that essential oils such as Lavender and Thyme are more antiseptic than commercially used products such as phenol.

And Tea Tree Oil is rapidly growing as my favorite essential oil that I use in just about every homemade product! It is a great antibacterial disinfectant that is great for killing all 3 infectious organisms: bacteria, virus, and fungus. Do some research on all the other things Tea Tree oil is great for!

Enjoy!

UPDATE 1: Using All Natural Homemade Shampoo

2012-06-22T12:39:00.001-07:00

Ok- So it has been just under 2 weeks since I began using my homemade all natural shampoo & conditioner. If you didn't see the post on it click here I knew that it would be challenging starting this process of not using commercialized "crap" in my hair. After the first shampoo and even the second I thought my hair felt GREAT! I was psyched. I began telling everyone and their mother that they had to try it. Then by day 4 or 5 I noticed my hair was looking "wet"....with my completely numb hands I was not actually sure if for some reason it was wet. I had my husband feel it and he said it felt fine...but to me it was off. By day 6 I looked like I had not washed my hair in weeks. It was pretty gross. It was NOT actually dirty. I had been washing it daily with my homemade recipe...but it looked really really oily. Especially on the bottom. I KNEW this was going to happen. I know WHY it happens...I thought I was prepared for it to happen...but I wasn't. I wanted to switch back to my old shampoo soooo badly. I felt like I must look terrible and like a big mop of grease. But I read an awesome blog that someone else posted on their journey through going "poo-free" which is basically only ever rinsing your hair with water and very rarely washing your scalp with baking soda. She showed updates of the first SIX weeks. It wasn't until week 5 that she began to notice healthy looking hair.

Why is this the case? If using all natural shampoo is so good for you, why does your hair look so "unclean".... The answer is simple. We have been tricked! Our whole lives we have been told that oily hair is gross or dirty or unwanted. And sure overly oily hair is not desirable, and you don't have to give in to it....but the result of using store bought chemical shampoos is even worse. Shampoo is designed to strip your hair and scalp of the oils that it is made to produce. The natural, healthy oils. It dries your hair out and confuses your body. Because some oil production is natural and necessary in maintaining a healthy scalp and hair your body starts producing at a much faster pace because standard shampoo removes it every time you wash. That is why if you go two or three days without washing your hair, you may start to see it get oily. It's not because you are dirty...just that your body has had a chance to produce more oils that it should normally do. The oils almost never have a chance to get to the bottom of your hair which is why when you switch to your own shampoo the ends are usually the oiliest.

So what happens is that gradually over some time (some as little as 2 weeks, some take a month or more) your body is able to re-calibrate itself and begin producing its oils on your scalp and for your hair at its intended pace----resulting in BEAUTIFUL NATURALLY HEALTHY HAIR!!

It's tough to get through the hump and for some people it may be impossible....But I am going to try my hardest to stick it out. Every day gets a little better and luckily its summer so that involves lots of ponytails, hats, swimming and cold showers so I don't have to worry about scaring people away too much...and honestly, I don't care. I know that it will get better and soon I will have naturally healthy hair and will not be polluting my body with all the toxins in shampoo. It will also be perfect for my daughter because she doesn't have hair yet....so I obviously don't use shampoo on her and I fully intend to use my own shampoo--or maybe even poo-free for her from the get-go so she never has to deal with the oil production freak-out.

So if you decide to try the recipe, stick with it! You can do it! And you can come here each week to see pictures of me and how my hair looks so you won't feel alone! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. If you want to see live video of my hair click here.

Here's some pictures from today that show my hair almost 2 weeks into this lifestyle change: (don't laugh too much!)

Top is not as bad as the ends.

Ends are much oilier

Open Book.

2012-06-19T06:24:00.000-07:00

One of the speakers at my sister's high school graduation....the Valedictorian I believe... said something that has oddly enough stuck with me. It wasn't something profound or philosophical, just simple. He said something along the lines of it takes a strong person to admit that they don't know something. It sounded a lot better than how I just explained it, but it really was just that simple. And I realized, it's true. It's easy to walk around and pretend you know something, or pretend you know what the outcome will be...but it is a lot harder to admit that you have absolutely no idea. At least for me it's always been hard. I would probably dance circles around a topic for hours before admitting I had no clue.

Well, here's something I have to admit. I HAVE NO CLUE! None. I have no idea where this journey I am on is taking me. I have no idea where God intends for me to go. I have no idea what I want to do, or what I am meant to do. I have no idea how to help myself, and worse, I have no idea how to help my family. Ok...now that that is out of the way and I can regain control over the fact that I am on the verge of crying over that simple little three word phrase that I hate so very much.....

I didn't plan on getting sick. Hell, when I did realize I was sick, I still didn't realize what it meant. You hear so many people throw their encouraging words at you "you'll beat it!" "you're strong" "you'll be fine"....and you start to believe it. You hear people tell you "there are so many new treatments out there".... "I know so-and-so who's had it for years and is fine"..."my friend is cured of MS"....all these things are thrown around and you think "yeah, I can do it! No sweat." and each time a new challenge comes up you think "this could be worse" and there are so many people who are worse off and as long as you stay along this track, you will be fine. Well, let me tell you....even the most optimistic people experience a little pessimism once in a while. I still have a decent outlook on things...and I am in noooo way here for a pity party---not my style...but I have to say, things have been rough lately.

I've probably said this before, but the hardest part of this whole thing is the not knowing. Growing up, Math was always my favorite subject in school because it dealt with fact. Concrete answers that never changed. 2 + 3 will always equal 5. No matter how you write it. You know what to expect. When you find the answer, it is what it is, forever. I have a strong fear of the unknown. Yeah, I'm sure lots of people do, but it makes me feel out of control and It scares the crap out of me. Not knowing how this disease will go or what course it will take, scared me every day. Even on the days where I feel the best and pretend nothing is wrong so well that I might actually be believing it myself. Not being able to go up to someone and say "Hey, you have MS...whats the course?" Sucks. It just does. People tell me all the time I have this friend who has it, if you want someone to talk to...and believe me, I appreciate it...and perhaps at some point I might like to...I have enjoyed my conversations with the few people I have spoken to that have MS.....but sometimes I just feel like I don't want to know. I feel like either they will have a worse case, and the thought of that happening to me scares me more so I'd rather pretend the threat isn't there.... or, you'll have a much better case, in which I'll feel like I already hit the worse case scenario. I mean, I KNOW it can get a whole lot worse. I know people have gone blind. I know people cant walk, ever. I know people have hundreds of problems way more complicated than I have had so far.....and I guess, that is what scares me. That those are all possibilities. There isn't a set path that I am headed down. I could be the lucky one that hits a stride and doesn't experience any symptoms for years to come....or I could hit the stride that brings me to decline much faster than I ever imagined. I am working really hard at being positive on this, and most days I succeed....but like I said, its been rough lately. Sometimes I wonder if I would be better equipped to handle the whole outcome no matter what it was going to be...as long as I knew that that was the path I was on.

I guess another part of my strange "depression" is just not knowing what to do with myself. Taking care of my daughter is by far the happiest points of my life...but unfortunately, no matter how hard my husband works these days, we cannot seem to get ahead. I am not sure what to do. Running my shop from home doing design work and printing is really pretty perfect. I can fit it into my own schedule and work around appointments and feeling crappy and taking care of Abigail. The only trouble with that is that it takes a ton of energy (and money!) to get the business going again. And lately, I just haven't had either of those to get things going like I should. It's really tough starting over. And budgets are being cut all over and when that happens, printing takes a dive. People don't always care about quality any more...they care about price. And sometimes, that doesn't even mean they get the BEST price. They may think something is the best price....when it's really about twice as much as something I would sell them at a MUCH higher quality. But it's hard to get that known around. And our families are not always the most supportive on things like this...well, I should say my family isn't. It's not really something they understand...the whole owning your own business. Struggling to make a life for yourself that isn't the exact cookie cutter outline of what "they" tell you to do. Which is get a job. Get married. Buy a house. With a white picket fence. Get a dog. Have a kid. Work your butt off every day for the rest of your life making someone else rich just to put food on your table. be miserable. That's my take on the recipe for the average american lifestyle. I hate it. My family strives for it. When it comes down to it, I really am happier doing my own thing over making someone else rich. I know I struggle more and things are harder, but it makes me a stronger person. I wouldn't change that for anything. Average. Being a sheep. It works for some people----lots of people---but it isn't for me. Anyways, that said....it's tough getting my family to help promote me or spread the word. They probably figure I should just go get a job like everyone else...at WalMart or something....or my husband should just work harder than he already does. However, it's not to say that I might be a little less stressed if I didn't have to worry about money so much. We are really close to being totally debt free....but we still live with my brother-in-law. We are not in a situation yet where we could get our own place, and that stresses me out. I hate worrying about money...it's my second biggest fear. (and probably stresses me out more than the first.) The idea of having no idea how to make more money to help my family scares me like you can't imagine. The thought of not being able to pay a bill or get something that the baby needs...is probably a huge source of the stress that leads to my attacks. I wish I knew the route to take. What to do to cover my illness, my wanting to be home taking care of Abigail, and making money to help my family. That would help me a lot. lol I'm taking any suggestions or ideas you might have! And, if you know of anyone at all that might require any kind of printing---please point them in the direction of my website. www.copyriteprintshop.com

I do have to say that I have been spending a lot of my time dealing with these two fears. I am getting better--slightly--at handling the unknown...and maybe someday I will get a little better at handling money worries. Although, the closer I get to being debt free and having the life that I want....the less stressed money will make me. My recipe for a perfect life would be to own a bunch of land somewhere, build my own homestead (ok, my husband would do that part) and live on the beautiful earth with my husband and children. We'd grow our own food and raise our own animals. Nothing huge, but maybe a cow or two and some chickens and a goat...who knows. I'd make all my own soaps and washes. I'd hang my clothes to dry in the beautiful clean air.. I wouldn't be cramped next to a million other houses taking forever to drive down the street because there is so many other people on the road. I'd enjoy the outdoors. We'd run through the open land and just laugh. A Simpler Life. Free of all the complications and garbage in today's society. Free from the daily grime of having the newest and best piece of technology or beauty product shoved down your throat....because there MUST be something wrong with you if you don't buy it. I hate that. I hate everything about the way we live today. I hate feeling like a sheep in the herd unable to make my own decisions or have my own ideas without messing up everything for everyone around me. The black sheep gets left behind. That's how I feel. And it's absolutely ridiculous that that is how things have gotten. That is not a life for my daughter. That does not express the values or the morals that I want her to grow up by, and live by. I want a simpler life. Not free of all civilization or modern conveniences...just free of all the crap. Free to live how I want without having to worry about working til I'm broken just to fork all the money over to someone else's wallet for doing half as much. I want to take the time to enjoy life and the things around it. Not feel like I am rushing through it to just make ends meet or get on to the next unimportant thing in the grand scheme of things. I want to be healthy. I don't think that our world is designed for people to be healthy. Everything we do or consume is designed for poor health. I don't necessarily believe that we are close to finding cures for many diseases....because it makes society more money to remain sick. If you can charge $1500 per month per person with MS for the rest of their life.....for the medication that they believe is helping them (and sure, maybe it is).....why would they want to come out with a cure that each person only takes once? It's sick that that is how I think...I know. But to me, it makes total sense. Not that that is what I think they should be doing...but I believe that is how corrupt our world has gotten. Money is all that matters. The bottom line is above all else. If someday I am given reason to rescind that theory, I will gladly do so. I pray for that day. But until now, I guess that is the one aspect where I truly am a glass half empty person.

Anyways, I guess it's been so long since I've written that I needed a couple posts to get out all the crap that's been mulling around in my brain. I find it doesn't make much sense for me to reread these types of posts and edit them because I end up totally changing them....but at the same time I know that I am being a scattered writer that is probably making no sense. But that's ok. Now you can see my brain from how I see it. haha. An Open Book. My goal at the end of this post: A Simpler Life. I'll be posting more DIY recipes and filling you in on our new goals and ideas and hopes. I don't care where it takes us, or how we get there. In a short amount of time we will be setting and reaching goals towards my perfect life of freedom. A healthier life. A happier life. A better life. A Simpler life.

Brain Mush.

2012-06-18T20:44:00.001-07:00

First off, let me just say that this post is going to probably bore you to death, or confuse you...or make you think I am totally crazy. It is raw, unedited typing that has taken me almost three days to type because of my hands being so numb and typing being so cumbersome....so it probably jumps around a lot and whatever else...but if you haven't given up on me yet...thanks for taking the time to read the post.

So I guess it has been a while since I have really written anything about how things have been going... I've had quite a few changes over the last 6 months and it's been kind of hectic and I haven't found much time to just sit down and type. I don't like to come across like a whiner or complainer either...so I felt like unless I really had something worth saying, I should just keep quiet...but I'll give a quick run through on what's been going on and then eventually I'll get into what I wanted to write about today.

In December I closed up my shop in SC and we decided to move back home to MA. It was hard for me to do because I had put so much blood, sweat, and tears into my business and I loved my customers so much that I hated to have to shut things down...but my health had to be put first. We moved in with my brother-in-law. Our friends and Family put on the most amazing benefit concert for us to help pay down some of the expenses that we had racked up because of the move and roller coaster of my diagnosis. I will forever be grateful and honored to know so many amazing people, it still overwhelms me to think about it and I still have trouble accepting that everyone came together for me. I mean, I'm just me, just a normal person, but yet so many awesome people donated time and money and talent to help pull off the most spectacular evening I could imagine. <3

In March, my daughter turned ONE! I cannot believe how quickly that flew by. She is the light of my life and I love her more than words can even begin to describe.

Shortly after that, I had some returning symptoms. Who knows what causes them, stress, the new change in my surroundings, not knowing where this new path was going to lead me and my family...who knows. But from March through May I had many symptoms come and go. Numbness, Off Balance, Dizziness, Lightheaded, Headaches, The electrical shock in my neck (L'Hermittes), Exhaustion, MS Hug (tight squeezing of my mid section), Skin sensitivity, pain in my left hand, and the one that I found to be the most debilitating and annoying this time around, Brain Fog. My memory was shot, I could forget something that I have known every day for my whole life, or forget something you told me not 2 minutes before. I was at a loss for words here and there or things would come out slurred or wrong. The worst part of all this (or maybe the best?) was that it was relatively easy to mask. I could get on daily without anyone knowing that there was anything wrong with me. Most people just thought I was forgetful, or maybe didn't think anything of it. I know it began to wear on my husband because he was around me the most. He knows that I used to be sharp and detail oriented and really well organized, I've always helped him with those things as well...and now I just seemed like I was losing it. But even still, it's easier to just shrug it off and figure you are having a bad day or need to focus more, or whatever than to contribute it to something entirely out of your control. I kept trying to get in to see a new neurologist in MA, but even then, I assumed it was just residual symptoms and nothing I really needed to worry about. I mean for me I look at it like this, I have experienced a time where I could not walk or use my arm...that was a very dark and awful time. Anything that is not to that extreme is not so bad so why stress about it? Well, after being told I couldnt see the neurologist until July 28th, I finally managed to get in for May 22nd. The new neurologist was really nice. He specializes in MS so I felt a little better about that. I think he is overworked and running in a million directions, so I did not entirely feel like I spent enough time discussing things with him, but at the same time, I am really good at pretending things are ok, because I always feel they could be worse so why sit there and bother him with my sob story when he's probably seen 10 worse ones today? Anyways, he ordered me to have a new MRI done as well as a special vision test (where they hook those little stickers all over your head) to check for optic neuritis. A few days later the Dr. called me himself and told me that I had brain swelling and so he was sure I was having another exacerbation and he wanted me to go on a 5 day at home Solu-Medrol steroid infusion. Finally, someone wanted to do something. But was it too late? I mean at this point, most of my symptoms were gone or greatly lessened. Brain fog and numb hands being the worst left. If I still had swelling, what the heck had it looked like in March? My biggest fear was permanent damage. Anyways, I was contacted by the infusion center and they told me that they could not figure out how to bill both of my insurances to have a nurse come out to me to put in the IV and take it out and whatever else I needed, so it would cost me $125 per visit out of pocket. Well, I am basically unemployed. My husband works non-stop trying to do whatever he can to help us meet our monthly expenses...there was just no way I could (or wanted to) afford to pay a nurse just because their office couldn't be bothered with figuring out how to properly bill 2 insurance companies. They told me that if I didn't want to delay the medication process any further (as if 3 months wasn't already delayed enough) the only other thing I could do was to find my own nurse to administer the IV. Ok, fine. No big deal, I could hunt down a nurse! Thankfully, one of the times that I find Facebook to really be helpful, I had many people getting together again to help me find a nurse. Another moment I will forever be grateful for. Eventually we learned that my husband's cousin used to be an MS home infusion nurse and she could help me without a problem. After a struggle of getting the medication delivered to me in a timely fashion...I was able to get my IV inserted around 6:00pm Monday night. The problem with that is that you are supposed to get the IV in the morning because Solu-Medrol can keep you awake. I didn't remember that happening last time I was on it in the hospital, so I didn't really think it would be a big deal. It was. Between that and the fact of trying not to move my hand so that I wouldn't mess up the IV...I don't think I got 10 minutes worth of sleep Monday night. The next few days were not quite as bad I thought, although looking back now I realize it probably led to wearing me down quite a bit. My hubby was a wonderful nurse, helping me hook up the IV and flush it out and whatnot each night after work. I felt like the whole thing was really weird...I mean IV's are for hospital stays and sick people...not to be done at home while you sit in front of the TV...right? And weirdest yet was the fact that no one from the IV infusion place seemed to care in the slightest if I actually got the IV going. Once I told them I had a nurse, they never bothered to find out who it was, if I was telling the truth, or anything. I would have thought that this was something they should have done even if just to cover their own butts, but whatever, I was getting my medicine and that's all I really cared about.

Friday night we were able to remove the IV. And I got a little sleep not having to struggle to keep the IV in my hand any longer. I can't say I was feeling any better, just not any worse either I guess. Run down and exhausted, but that is pretty standard these days. Saturday had a full day of fun planned for us. In the early afternoon Abigail and I had to attend my cousin's graduation party. It was great to see that side of my family--some of them had not even met Abigail yet! She just started walking in the last week or so and it was so much fun to watch her waddle around the yard chasing bubbles and soccer balls and balloons. After that we headed off to the next party. A family party for my husband's side of the family. After a quick change for Abigail (because you can't wear the same outfit in pictures for two different parties on the same day of course!) we were off and ready for adventure number two. I was feeling pretty beat. The first party was outdoors and while I didn't do anything crazy, didn't even have a drink...And tried to stay in the shade as much as possible...I was feeling pretty crappy. However, as I normally do, I pushed that aside and continued on to what I had to do. It was great to see my husbands family as well. Lots of them had never met Abigail either. This was a MUCH larger party and I was making my way around to everyone. At this point it was around dinner time and I felt like I had been run over and just wanted to curl into a ball for a long time. That's soooo not normal for me. I am able to go and go until I don't need to anymore. And the fact that I wasn't doing anything that I deemed as too much, it made me mad that I was feeling so awful.
You know how when you see people the standard greeting is "Hi, How are you?" and the standard response is "I'm good! How are you?".... well, I've always been great at throwing that response. No matter what, because, well, isn't that what everyone wants to hear? Not this night. I felt so crappy, that when anyone asked me how I felt (and everyone did) I had to tell them that I felt awful. Most people seemed surprised, either that I threw them a curve ball by not answering with the textbook response or that I looked perfectly fine so how could I not be? Occasionally I would get the look of empathy and that wasn't what I really wanted either. That look always makes me want to start balling. It just does. I don't know why, perhaps because I try so hard to look strong and fine that when anyone peeks through that I am liable to just snap. But that was how I felt Saturday night, like snapping. I just wanted to cry. It's easy to ignore things and pretend they aren't there and just keep on pressing on with life as we know it...but it's pretty damn hard to admit when things are not going as you had planned.
By the time I left the party (around 9:30) I thought I would never survive the drive home. I thought I was going to have to pull over and sleep in the car. The only thing that kept me going was the thought that after I wake up tomorrow, I would feel much better. I did not. I felt awful. I felt as bad, maybe worse than I remember feeling when I was hit with my first attack back in November. My legs and arms physically worked--so that was a plus, but everything felt plain horrid. The only way I can explain this one feeling was like my nerves were all tweaking out. Like my eyes would be closed but I could feel them blinking uncontrollably even through they were closed. And my whole body felt like that. Like everything was blinking on and off over and over. My skin was hypersensitive and completely numb. My back and neck felt like I had been beaten with a hammer over and over and was covered in what felt like bruises. My legs were jello. My joints hurt. Everywhere. I was exhausted like I had been forced to stay awake for years. It was just terrible. I never understood what people that I have come across who have MS meant when they said "don't over do it" or "don't burn the candle at both ends"....I had done it. Burnt my candle at both ends, and sides, and every point in between. I still don't understand fully how I did this...and the only thing I can think was that I really had gotten even less sleep that I had thought. And that I apparently need waaaay more sleep than I had imagined. Today, Monday, I am still feeling like complete crap. A little less like crap, but none the less, much worse than I was one week ago. I suppose I am glad that I just finished the IV Steroid Treatment...because perhaps that will help prevent anything from this from sticking around too long. Or at least that is what I hope for. I woke up this morning with a burst of energy....still feeling mostly all of my symptoms, but had slept decent..I did 3 loads of laundry, mopped the floor, swept the stairs, made breakfast, cleaned the playroom, vacuumed, did dishes, cleaned my bedroom, and folded three loads of laundry all before 3:00. Which--may not seem like a lot, and normally wouldn't to me either, but after how I was feeling, that was like winning a marathon...

All Natural Homemade Shampoo & Conditioner

2012-06-07T11:11:00.001-07:00

Yesterday my sister and I ventured into making homemade shampoo and conditioner...not only did we have fun doing this DIY project, but we discovered that we REALLY enjoyed using it!

My hair feels awesome today! And I have pretty terrible dry color treated hair....and it feels great!

So here is what we did.....

SHAMPOO
Ingredients:
1/3 Cup Dr. Bonner's Liquid Castile Soap (we used the Eucalyptus version, but baby mild or any other would work as well)
1 Tsp Coconut Oil (found with the other cooking oils, is a solid not liquid)
1/2 Tsp Avocado Oil (also found with cooking oils, and this IS a liquid)
20 drops essential oils of your choice (we did Tea Tree Oil because it is an antibacterial oil & Lavender because it smells pretty!---I probably put about 20-25 drops of tea tree oil because I really like it and it helps with dry scalp and can even help with psoriasis!)
Several Vitamin E Capsules (in vitamin section---pierce and squeeze into mixture)

Mix all of these together and pour into a container of your choice--such as a body wash bottle or empty shampoo bottle. This recipe only makes enough for about 2-4 weeks depending upon how frequently you shampoo your hair. You only need to use about a teaspoons worth on your hair. So double or triple up if you want to make more at a time.

This will not suds and look as soapy as regular shampoo, but if you get past the "normal" that has been pounded into our heads and deal with the less sudsy feel---you will love it!

If you have trouble getting over the soapy sudsy part---you can get a Foaming soap dispenser (I buy the Big Y brand hand soap pumps for things and refill them with Abigails homemade body wash and may use one for my shampoo as well.

-When using the foaming dispenser, add 1/4 cup of distilled water to the ingredients

CONDITIONER
It's as simple as Apple Cider Vinegar

White vinegar is used as a fabric softener for your laundry---Apple Cider is used for Conditioner. It is an amazing detangler and is also really great for the scalp.

If you want to dilute it some use 1 cup of distilled water for every 2 tbsp of Cider Vinegar. You can also add your favorite essential oils to mask the vinegary smell if you don't like it. It does NOT leave your hair smelling like vinegar.

The best thing to do with this is fill a spray bottle and keep in the shower. Spritz your hair with it and then rinse and enjoy beautiful clean NATURAL CHEMICAL FREE HAIR!!!

Enjoy!

Check out my other DIY projects!!

****UPDATE 6/18/12**** My sister commented on how she felt after about a week of using this shampoo that her hair was feeling very oily. This could be from a couple things. Your shampoo to conditioner ratio could be off---be careful not to use too much vinegar. Or you might just not be using enough of the shampoo (although, you really only need a small amount--much less than you are probably used to with store bought shampoo)...and finally, the reason I think is the most common would be this:
The commercial shampoos that you purchase are so full of chemicals (can you pronounce ANY of the ingredients!?) that their number one goal is to strip your hair of all of its natural oils. Using shampoo (store bought) on a daily basis as we grow up being taught, confuses the natural process that your hair should be going through. When the shampoo strips your hair of the natural oils, your body jumps into overdrive and begins making more oils to fix the problem. Hence the reason you probably cannot go longer than a couple days without washing your hair. If we were not using all of these chemicals (like people were not doing just a few generations ago)...our bodies would be trained on producing the normal amounts of oils and your hair would not get oily---most likely not for days upon days, or even longer! So when you switch to all natural homemade shampoo it may require some fortitude on your part...especially if you are the type of person with easily oily hair. You may have to rough it for a week or two until your body realizes you have freed it from the chemical crap it's been getting hit with every day for your whole life. Mine hasnt gotten greasy on me, but it feels "different". I'm used to my hair being flat and boring and dead. Now it feels much thicker, but it did at first feel off to me. Just something different than what I was used to. I panicked that it was oily and thought about giving up on the shampoo...but my husband assured me it wasnt greasy at all and didnt smell bad or anything else. :) What I think it actually is, is my hair getting healthier. Ok...so I will still probably dye it myself...but I use amonia free dye.... and maybe I'll eventually get myself away from that....but even still, this is a big step in the right direction and I love it. It's amazing how different your hair feels when it's not weighted down by chemicals and when it's allowed to do what it was made to do. So anyways, that was just my update on the topic in case anyone starts to panic and wonder why their hair feels strange to them! :)

Homemade Laundry Detergent & Fabric Softener Recipes!

2012-04-17T13:17:00.000-07:00

Homemade Liquid Laundry Soap-

Front or top load machine

Works great in HE machines as well because it is not a super sudsy detergent

1 Fels-Naptha soap bar1 Cup - Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda½ Cup Borax4 Cups - hot tap water

- Grate bar of soap and add to saucepan with water. Stir continually over medium-low heat until soap dissolves and is melted.-Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken.-Stir and fill a used, clean, laundry soap dispenser half full with soap and then fill rest of way with water. Shake before each use. (will gel)-Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. Ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil, orange.

-Yield: Liquid soap recipe makes 10 gallons.-Top Load Machine- 5/8 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads)-Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

Inexpensive Fabric Softener Recipes

Recipe #1
1 Cup White Vinegar
Add vinegar to rinse cycle. Works great. Removes residue and odors. Also helps to keep washing machine and hoses fresh and clean too.

**I LOOOOOVE this! Vinegar works awesome! And it's sooo inexpensive!**

Recipe #2
1 Container of Name Brand Fabric Softener
4 Inexpensive sponges, cut in half
Pour entire container of softener into a 5 gallon bucket. Fill empty softener container with water twice. (2 parts water to 1 part softener) Add sponges to softener/water mixture. When ready to use wring out extra mixture from one sponge and add to the dryer as you would a dryer sheet.

**I got all ingredients at WalMart in the Laundry Aisle (except for vinegar). Detergent was very easy and quick to make!**

Homemade Body Products!

2012-04-07T21:49:00.000-07:00

Ok- So I want to post a more thorough update on me and my family...but right now I have a ton of people asking me for the recipes of the all natural homemade body products that I have been whipping up this weekend...so here goes!
I started with homemade laundry detergent & fabric softener (if you want the recipe, let me know!) I am tired of not being able to pronounce or recognize a single word on the ingredients list of the home products I purchase. I think that the way things work these days are to keep society "sick" because it is more profitable to do so. But decades ago there were not all this crap in our products. I want to keep my daughter as healthy as I can and I feel it is my responsibility to protect her from as much of today's garbage as I possibly can. It is really very easy to make your own products and I can't imagine why anyone would think that they don't work as well as the chemicals and carcinogens that we use now. Anyways, I'm sure I'll have more to say on these things soon enough...but for now, here are the recipes! Enjoy, and let me know if you try them!

Homemade Deodorant

Ingredients:

6-8 Tbsp Coconut oil (solid state)
1/4 cup baking soda
1/4 cup arrowroot powder or cornstarch ----(I used cornstarch)

Directions:

Combine equal portions of baking soda & arrowroot powder.
Slowly add coconut oil and work it in with a spoon or hand blender until it maintains a firm but pliable texture. It should be about the same texture as commercial deodorant, solid but able to be applied easily. If it is too wet, add further arrowroot powder/cornstarch to thicken.
You can either scoop this recipe into your old deodorant dispensers or place in a small container with lid and apply with fingers with each use. Makes about 1 cup. This recipe lasts about 3 months for two people with regular daily use.
I stuck the deodorant dispensers in the fridge for like 10 minutes to help them harden.
You can also add your favorite essential oil. I like tea tree oil because it has antibacterial and antifungal properties.

Diaper Rash Cream

(I havent made this yet--but I made a cream that is similar in ingredients and will probably use it for diaper rash as well)

1/8 cup coconut oil (extra virgin is preferred)
1/4 cup raw shea butter
3-4 Tablespoons talc-free cornstarch or arrowroot power

Combine coconut oil and shea butter in a small bowl with a hand mixer or stick blender. You may have to soften the shea butter just slightly over very low heat in order to incorporate them well together, but it should combine well with a mixer. Add cornstarch or arrowroot a tablespoon at a time until you achieve the desired thickness. It will look similar to a whipped icing. Transfer to a small covered container and place at your changing station. Keep a small portion in the diaper bag as well. Apply liberally with each diaper change as a preventative and rash salve. Makes about 1 cup.

Homemade Baby Wash

1/4 cup Dr. Bonner's Liquid Baby Soft Soap

3/4 Cup Water

8-10 drops of your favorite essential oils (optional) ---I did lavendar and tea tree oil

Blend together and put into a Foaming Hand pump dispenser. (I bought a store brand hand soap for $1.89 and just emptied it out and refilled the foam pump) The reason to use a foam pump is because the soap itself is really watery in consistency, but with a foamer it works awesome! (You can use this as well!)

Homemade Eczema Cream or Hand Salve---triple batch

3 tbsp Avocado Oil (you could also use Olive Oil if you cant get Avocado)

3/4 cup Shea Butter (raw organic)

1/4 cup Coconut Oil (solid state)

8-10 Vitamin E capsules (pierced and drained---dont put shell in mixture)

I put the Avocado & coconut oil & Shea Butter into a pyrex measuring cup and then placed that into a pot of simmering water and let them melt together. When they were completely melted and mixed, I took them off the heat and added the Vitamin E, then I let it all cool to room temperature.

The next step is to whip it up into a meringue like consistency. I poured everything into a bowl and set that bowl into a bowl filled with ice water and blending it with a mixer. It must be cool to be able to whip up correctly.

I poured the mixture into a small canning jar and put it in the fridge for like 10 mins to stiffen up some. Just apply to dry places...doesnt have to be eczema even. And if its really warm in your house, or you want the consistency to be really stiff, just keep in the fridge. I just keep it on our changing table. :)

Here are the shampoo recipes that I found. I'm going to try a couple of these. I also plan to use Apple Cider Vinegar as conditioner.

Basic Shampoo

Ingredients:

1/4 cup water
1/4 cup liquid castile soap
1/2 teaspoon sunflower or other light vegetable oil

Directions:

Mix the ingredients, store in a bottle and use as shampoo.

Shampoos for Dandruff and Dry, Itchy Scalp

Ingredients:

6 oz Liquid castile Soap
5 drops tea tree essential oil
1/2 teaspoon jojoba oil

Directions:

Same as above.

Shampoo for Oily Scalp

Ingredients:

6 ounces liquid Castile soap
5 drops lavender essential oil

Directions:

Same as above.

Shampoo for Dry, Color Treated Hair

Ingredients:

6 ounces liquid Castile soap
1/2 teaspoon avocado oil
1 teaspoon coconut oil

Directions:

Same as above.

Shampoo for Enhancing Blonde Hair

Ingredients:

3 ounces liquid Castile soap
4 chamomile tea bags
1/2 teaspoon olive oil

Directions:

Steep the tea and water in a covered pan for 30 minutes. Strain and allow to cool. Mix with remaining ingredients and then store in a bottle.

Shampoos to Enhance Dark Hair

Ingredients:

3 oz liquid Castile soap
1 tablespoon sage
1 tablespoon rosemary
2 black tea bags
1/2 teaspoon Olive oil

Directions:

Same as above.

2012-02-01T07:44:00.000-08:00

Music for Melissa

In November 2011, Melissa Eaton, (Producing Director-Danny Eaton’s
Daughter-In-Law) was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. The initial attack was so severe that she was unable to perform simple tasks such as tie her shoes or lift a spoon to her 8 month old daughter’s mouth. The physical and emotional damage was just the tip of the iceberg. The disease then decimated the family’s savings and eventually forced the closure of their SC business and the relocation back up to Western MA. They now face
a mountain of debt and even more frightening, an uncertain future. Thank
you for joining us in support of Melissa. Together we can help give this young family a second chance at a bight future.

Tickets &19 & $21.

Come enjoy a night of great music from: Mitch Chakour, Ben Ashley, Frank Manzi, Aaron Porchelli, Amy Porchelli, Lori Efford, Marian Karpells, Ray Guillemette Jr. and many more!

Raffle prizes - doors open at 6PM.

Contact the Majestic Box Office to get your reserved seat or to make a donation. 413-747-7797

Copaxone, Brain Fog, and Christmas!

2011-12-18T13:49:00.000-08:00

Helping Mommy Decorate?
Or helping herself to "Undecorate"

Ok, so it's time for my update since I've started my Copaxone injections a little over a week ago. They really aren't bad. I mean, it's tough when I think about the fact that most likely I will have to go through the process of giving myself a shot EVERY day for the rest of my life...but as long as that ends up being a VERY long life, I'm ok with it. The auto injector that the company sends you is great. It makes it really very easy to do and I don't have to see the needle when doing it. It doesn't hurt to use and the needle is so small that most of the time I do not even feel it going in. One little click and it's over. The worst part is afterwards. After the injection it usually feels like a bee sting. Sometimes like I've been punched (so a bruise like feeling). Sometimes it swells up, once about as big as a large tangerine. Sometimes it's just red...and once it bruised. I cannot use the same spot twice in a row, and there are 7 spots to use, so each day represents a new spot. R Arm, L Arm, R Hip, L Hip, R thigh, L thigh, and stomach. Very exciting. They seem to be going good...although it's really hard to know what exactly they are doing. Since I really only had one noted exacerbation (flair up), I have nothing to compare it to to know if my flair ups are fewer/farther between and less severe...and I am not anxious for another flair up any time soon [ever]. I go 3 days after Christmas for a follow up with the neurologist so we shall see what he says then.
I've noticed one of the most nerve wracking symptom now that I haven't had to focus on the fact that I cannot walk or use my hands..BRAIN FOG. I guess that's the best way to describe it. As well as like brain disconnects--when my brain and my mouth aren't in sync and things I am trying to say come out jumbled or stuttered. I had an appointment for Abigail the other morning and I know I always get lost when going there. I always miss the turn I need or drive too far down the street or something...So I always leave early. I thought my appt was at 9:00 so we left at 8:25 and we ended up driving around for 45 minutes because I couldn't remember the name of the street we needed to be on...I just couldnt remember. I knew what was not the right streets, but but I could not remember if I needed to take a left or a right off the main road...and when I stopped for directions, I realized I didn't know the street name so how could anyone tell me where to go! I tried to use my phone to ask Kel to give me directions, but of course my phone decided that was the moment that something was going to go wrong and tell me I was out of service range...even though I certainly wasn't. So after 45 minutes (it was now after 9) I drove home in tears to get directions...I decided after all that I was just going to go to the appointment even if I was late. I go to the office at 9:25....and when I rushed in apologizing for being so late, it turns out my appointment was at 9:30. So after all that, I was actually right on time. haha. That was probably one of the most upsetting times for me. Maybe even more so than the diagnosis itself. My mind is more important to me than being able to walk or whatever (although I'm sure I'd be less likely to say that if I couldn't walk again)...but the idea of growing old and getting Alzheimer's or Dementia has always scared the heck out of me, so even just these little episodes of brain fog are really frightening. I may look into some memory vitamins to add to my regimen.
Other than that, things are going ok I guess. Still no feeling in my fingers, but the MS Hug seems to have officially disappeared. Hallelujah! I have to keep remembering...baby steps! I just hope eventually I get the feeling back.
Abigail is doing really great and I can't wait for Christmas so she can open her presents. She crawls over to the tree and pulls presents out and looks at them with a huge smile, so I am sure she will have tons of fun opening them! Usually around this time of year I cannot wait for Christmas and New Years to be over. The holiday season usually (ok always) means empty wallets! But this year, empty wallets aside, I'm excited to celebrate Christmas with my husband and my amazing NINE month old little girl. (Oh, and our giant slobbery dog)...It's bittersweet though because it's only another 3 months before Abigail will be celebrating her 1st Birthday...and I cannot believe how fast it has gone by!
I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday!

December 7th Update

2011-12-07T18:46:00.000-08:00

Abigail at 8.5 Months

I know I've said this a million times, but I really can't get over how many wonderful friends/family/customers I have been blessed with. So again, to all of you I say "Thank you!". :)
I still have no feeling in my fingers. They are completely numb and tingly. At least it is not painful or completely debilitating. It is mostly just annoying and makes doing certain things more complicated, but it's an easier thing to learn to deal with. Hopefully it will come back eventually. Most people I have spoken to say that one day I may wake up and the feeling will be back! I also still have the tightness around my midsection...that is something I wish would go away it's pretty uncomfortable. But some days are better than others. The last two days have been pretty crappy weather-wise, dreary and rainy. A friend mentioned something about feeling weaker during rainy weather and I realized that perhaps that is what has been happening with me. The last few days I have felt in general kind of "crappy". Saturday I woke up feeling very dizzy and was pretty weak all day. And the last two days my leg has had slight weakness in it...nothing like during the exacerbation..but just enough that I remember it's not as strong as the left anymore. And I have also had a splitting headache. Hopefully the weather clears up the rest of the week and I can start feeling better!
I have been doing some reading the last week on MS...and am currently reading It's Not all in Your Head and Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis. It's pretty depressing when you get into some of this reading...perhaps I haven't read far enough to reach the positive portion of the books, but I had a couple days of feeling pretty down and had to take a break from the reading. One of the sentences I read that really has stuck with me was "MS is essentially a progressive condition. It is uncommon for people with MS not to progress to disability over time" I know that the disease course is different for everyone and there are plenty of people who have had MS for 25+ years and are still moving about fine...but it takes a lot of willpower not to let yourself get down when you read something like that. It kind of makes it sink in a little more. Because while we all know that life doesn't go on forever and we are bound to be afflicted by one thing or another, it's a little scary when you know what that thing is, and it's just hanging over your head everyday waiting to rear it's ugly head. However, I said in the beginning and I'll say it again, I have MS, but MS does not have me! And I keep reminding myself that. I guess I am allowed a moment here and there to be angry at this whole deal, but I do realize it could be much worse, and there is so much research going on about MS that who knows where we will be in even 10 years let alone 25.
My Copaxone is due to arrive tomorrow and as nervous as I am about having to give myself an injection every single day, I am pretty excited to start the treatment! The nurse comes out on Friday afternoon to show me how to do everything, so I am sure I will do a post shortly after letting you know how it went! It's weird going from the girl who hardly ever took a tylenol much less prescription meds, to the girl who keeps a case of needles in her refrigerator, but whatever I have to do to keep on kicking this in the face, I will do.
I have also done quite a bit of research on Vitamin Supplements and have settled on a small army of pills that I have begun taking to hopefully help jumpstart my immune system and nervous system and keep them operating more along how they should. I've started taking 1000iu of Vitamin D which is great for many things, one of which is supporting immune system health and helping with autoimmune diseases. I am also taking Sublingual (under the tongue) Vitamin B-12. You have to take B-12 under the tongue to absorb it into your blood stream (or by patch or injection) because the body cannot absorb B-12 when it is taken orally and ingested. B-12 may also be helpful for MS patients as this vitamin helps form the myelin sheath of neurons, the component of the nervous system that is attacked and destroyed by the immune system in MS. The third supplement I am taking is a Probiotic for gastrointestinal and immune health. And finally a fish oil supplement. I'm hoping that these along with my Copaxone, a healthier diet and exercise will help keep me on the road to good and healthy for a loooong time!

Now onto my favorite thing to talk about...Abigail! She has grown so much in the past month! She goes for a checkup in a couple of weeks and I cannot wait to find out how much she weighs now! She will be 9 months on the 15th. She is moving ALL over the place! Constantly pulling herself up on things, standing while holding the coffee table or a box, or whatever! She looks so darn cute because she is so tiny. When her favorite cartoons come on and they start singing the theme song she will get on her knees or stand up and stand bouncing up and down to the music. Freaking adorable! She's babbling all over the place and now completely knows the difference between mama and dada...and even calls me "mom mom" sometimes...and Kel swears he's heard a "daddy" a few times. She also shakes her head no when someone says no sometimes or when you are talking to her and ask her a question (whether she knows exactly what shes saying or not who knows!) and also shakes her head yes. When shes moving about the floor and you call her name, she turns to you and always says the same thing that really sounds like "hallo" lol And she is doing pretty well with waving bye-bye. She's a ball full of energy that keeps us smiling all day long! Even when we tell her no and she screams at us. lol I think it won't be long before she decides to get up and just starts running! At this rate she will be walking before she even gets her first tooth! Which by the way I almost cannot wait for her to get! So many of her "friends" her age already have multiple teeth and she still has yet for one to make an appearance. Her hair on the other hand has been growing like a weed this month and her head is now pretty well covered with a nice fuzzy layer of blondeness. :)
Well, I think that is all for now. Sorry to combine two topics into one post but so many people have been asking me about Abigail and I figure it was just easier to post her update here.

Multiple Sclerosis: Defined

2011-12-02T07:04:00.000-08:00

Mommy & Abigail

What exactly is Multiple Sclerosis? I've had many people telling me that they are glad I am all better and other people telling me that they are sure I will beat this. While I appreciate all of these warm wishes, I want to be sure that everyone understands how serious this really is. I've had a few customers that have acted as though I had a case of the flu and was now on the mend, and one even told me not to bother with the medicine the doctor prescribed but to just drink sugar water with lemon because that will fix me. MS is not something that you can overcome or beat. It isnt going anywhere. Like other diseases such as cancer, my MS could go into remission and there could be months or maybe even years where I remain relatively symptom free, but this crazy thing will always be lurking. I myself am still trying to come to terms with that overwhelming information. It is not just a temporary hiccup, but a lifestyle changer. I will not let it define me, but I cannot ignore it and keep going unchanged as I always do, or I may wake up one morning and realize that I have made myself so much worse. My doctor informed me that there is currently no cure. I will always have MS and the chances of another exacerbation or flair up is extremely likely. Though no one can say when or how serious it may be. The course of treatment that the doctors prescribe is an injection (Copaxone) that I would give myself every single day for the rest of my life. This injection is noted at slowing the progression of the disease by 30%. There are many people who have had MS for decades and are still able to walk and function pretty normally. While others end up wheelchair bound and perhaps require a catheter or go blind. Where my course falls only God knows. However, I intend on doing everything in my power to steer myself on the path to growing old and running around chasing my grand kids when I'm 80 or so. :) Along with the injections, I plan on doing a ton of research on the benefits of diet and exercise to help keep me as healthy as possible. And since new advances in the treatment of MS are taking place all the time, perhaps sometime along my journey a cure may be found.
Here is a little info on MS from the National MS Society Website, for those of you who may not know too much about it. Multiple sclerosis (or MS) is a chronic, often disabling disease that attacks the central nervous system (CNS), which is made up of the brain, spinal cord, and optic nerves. Symptoms may be mild, such as numbness in the limbs, or severe, such as paralysis or loss of vision. The progress, severity, and specific symptoms of MS are unpredictable and vary from one person to another. Today, new treatments and advances in research are giving new hope to people affected by the disease. The body’s own defense system attacks myelin, the fatty substance that surrounds and protects the nerve fibers in the central nervous system. The nerve fibers themselves can also be damaged. The damaged myelin forms scar tissue (sclerosis), which gives the disease its name. When any part of the myelin sheath or nerve fiber is damaged or destroyed, nerve impulses traveling to and from the brain and spinal cord are distorted or interrupted, producing the variety of symptoms that can occur.

Most people with MS learn to cope with the disease and continue to lead satisfying, productive lives.

As of today, I am walking a whole lot better. Most times no one would have any clue that a short time ago I could barely walk and was forced to drag a dead leg behind me that could not lift itself 2 inches off the ground. My skin is much less hypersensitive than it was. My hands though are another story. Both hands are still completely numb and tingly. It makes doing a great many things difficult. Typing or using the mouse it still extremely slow going and exhausting. Picking things up or carrying things is also difficult. I cannot generally tell if something is cold or wet however I am very sensitive to heat and temperatures that didnt bother me before feel scalding now. Thankfully the tight sensation and swelling around my mid-section has gone down quite a bit from just 2 days ago even. It's not totally gone and if I push myself too much in a day it gets worse, but it seems to be getting better. My neurologist told me the other day at my followup appointment that my spinal fluid did show MS. He said that with lots of people it takes a long time to diagnose MS, but not with me. I am a textbook case. In a way I guess that is good. I'm thankful it didnt take a long time to figure this out and get me on the road to repair. I can do most things for Abigail---I still have trouble with the million tiny snaps that you find on every article of baby clothing, but I am able to do mostly everything else and that is all I really care about. I will keep you guys updated as I discover new things with diet and exercise and hopefully I can keep any flairups away for a good long time. The neurologist also gave me the most wonderful news. Abigail has a 98% chance of never developing MS. That makes all the difference in the world. He also told me that there is no reason I would not be able to have another baby in the future when/if we decide that Abigail should become a big sister. So those are all great things! The downside---the medical bills have started rolling in! LOL

Keep on S'Myelin!

2011-11-25T07:36:00.000-08:00

Happy Turkey Day From Abigail!

Typing is still pretty tough for me because I don't have the control in my right hand that I need, and my left gets really worn out from having to do all the work, especially when it's not operating at 100% either, but I really want to get an update post done.
So I spent 3.5 days in the hospital getting 3000mg of Solu-Medrol & a Prednisone pack in my system. They drew blood 3 times a day, leaving my arms scattered with hideous bruises, they injected stuff into my stomach to prevent clots, and told me I was the least demanding patient they had. They told me to get lots of rest, but then woke me up every couple hours to poke and prod me for one reason or another. The doctor said that I was showing some improvement, but of course I wanted more. Monday I had my lumbar puncture. I was really nervous about getting a headache from it, but my family brought me a giant iced coffee and I spent a few hours lying down, and thankfully I was ok. Tuesday I was discharged. At that point I was still limping/hobbling a good bit and was pretty unsteady on my feet. I could sort of wiggle the fingers in my right hand, but it was still really stiff and even getting dressed was a chore.
It was good to be home, in a way I think getting back into the routine that probably made you sick to begin with, also helps to heal you when you have been away from it for a few days. We left the hospital and I went straight home to return the dozen plus customer calls I had waiting for me. After that we all went for a drive to get some new lightweight sneakers for me that had good support and would make it easier for me to walk. (I have to say, they made all the difference in the world. Just trying them on my limp improved drastically!) and then my mom took us to Babies R Us where she bought us the baby monitor we have been wanting for Abigail's room. (Thanks Mom!). By the end of the day I was pretty sore and exhausted.
Wednesday I woke at 8:00 to watch my mom change and dress Abigail--something my fingers would still not allow me to do myself. By 10:00 when Abigail went down for her nap, so did I. I am not a big napper...never have been. I go from when I wake up in the AM until bedtime, no matter how little sleep I had gotten. But I was so drained I couldn't stay awake. That got me down a little because I hate not getting the things done that I need to, when I want to. But after an hour or so nap, I felt better and was able to continue about my day. My mom and I got to cleaning the house and getting food together for Thanksgiving. By the end of this day, I was looking forward to the Thanksgiving I thought I would be dreading just a few days earlier.
Yesterday, Thanksgiving, was a wonderful day full of good food and good people. I really am more thankful than I ever thought about before. I have a wonderful support system of awesome family and friends and they really are my best medicine. I couldn't have had such a wonderful day without everyone's help. From my family and friends that spent the day with me and helped me cook and clean when I couldn't, to everyone's thoughts and prayers, you all have truly helped me start my journey to recovery.
I still haven't gotten used to the slowing down lifestyle- and maybe never will, but I am doing the best that I can right now. Yesterday was a good day, I pushed myself all day and didn't sit down (except to eat) from 8:30 am until about 9:30 pm. I know that I keep saying this, but I really do want to thank everyone. There were some days where even though I was doing my darndest to stay positive, I really did get pretty upset wondering why this had to happen to me so young and how upsetting it was that I couldn't carry or even dress my own daughter. And at times, it was hard to be happy with the little things like tying my own shoes.

TODAY: I am happy to announce, that this morning I carried Abigail to her changing table, undressed her, changed her diaper, and got her dressed, all by myself! (That's me being happy with the little things) :) It wasn't easy and it took about 20 minutes, but I would have spent an hour doing it just to say I had done it. The symptoms that I still have are: Numbness/abnormal sensation over most of my body, Left arm still tingly making some fine motor skills difficult. Knee joints really stiff and numb, making it difficult to bend or kneel. Back numb and hypersensitive, feeling like I have a thousand bruises. Right arm still numb without much motor skill function--but I am extremely happy to say that I can straighten them almost back to normal and can wiggle 4 of the 5 fingers individually AND, I have even been forcing my hand to type a few keys during this blog. It's not always accurate and sometimes lingers on a key too long putting several of the same letter down, but its a start and is WAY better than I could even do yesterday. I still cannot drive and that may be a while still which is pretty upsetting, but I am trying to get used to it. The worst symptom I still have is the MS "Hug"...a name that a very cruel and unfunny person had to come up with because I like hugs, but not this one! It feels like someone is squeezing you so tight around your midsection. Or like you are wearing a belly band that is 12 sizes too small. Your ribs feel like they don't fit. It is a very strange and extremely uncomfortable feeling. It gets worse as the day progresses and usually makes it difficult to fall asleep. It's tough to turn, and I can only lay on my back. I'm trying to pretend its like being pregnant when your belly is huge and tight, It feels a million times worse, but at least imagining it being a baby is a nicer visual than your immune system eating away at a nerve on your spine that causes this. lol My limp is hardly noticeable now, and once I regain full strength (or as close as possible) in my arms, I really will be one happy mama!
It truly is amazing how fast this whole process of getting sick and getting diagnosed and getting on the road to recovery has happened. I am looking forward to getting my injectables (I must really be sick!) so that I can hopefully prevent an exacerbation this serious in the future.
On a side note, I want to send an extra thank you out to my hubby and my mom for doing a successful job as "The blind leading the blind" and taking care of the baby and house when I couldn't. You did a good job. Thank you mom for dropping everything to come help us, I guess I really did need my mom for a while. :) You are released to go home--but not until after the weekend, we may need to hit some sales this weekend! :) Thank you dad and Nicki for letting me steal her for a week, and keep her for Thanksgiving, it was a huge help and made me really happy.
Each day is a baby step closer to getting better. And everything I struggle with helps me to appreciate the little things. I know this is a lifelong disease, but I plan on letting it control as little of my life as possible. I am so glad that I am starting to feel better and am getting used to dealing with the other symptoms because I have a whole life I want to live and nothing is going to get in my way!

Putting the MS Puzzle together...Piece by Piece...

2011-11-19T18:30:00.000-08:00

So while I am sitting in my 85 degree hospital room turning 12 shades of red and waiting for the fan that was ordered an hour ago to arrive I started thinking about all the symptoms I've had the last several months and I realize now that my MS started while I was pregnant, not after. When I was pregnant I remember having some strange sensations in various parts of my body, mainly my left arm and thigh. I remember it tingling and being numb and hypersnsitive. Being the stubborn person I am, I chalked it up to some weird pregnancy symptoms. And then once Abigail was born I chalked my strange back, neck, feet and hypersensitivity up to back and neck strain from the new lifestyle of raising a baby. All the while more and more lesions were forming. Perhaps if I was not so stubborn and looked into my symptoms sooner I would not be where I am today. Sitting in this bed with 1000mg of steroids dripping painfully into my completely useless arm. I wanted to post this because hindsight is always 20/20..and if my hindsight can help you or a friend decide to speak up about your abnormal symptoms, maybe you can be diagnosed and treated before your symptoms affect your everyday life. You know your body better than anyone else, if something is off, call your doctor and make them listen to you!

Kicking MS in the Face!!

2011-11-19T05:19:00.000-08:00

Super old picture-didn't have much on
my laptop, but it does the trick!

So I still have absolutely no use of my right hand but I'm going to attempt an update.
After the MRI I expected to have to wait until Tuesday for the results. Thursday AM my mother called and said she was flying in. While I was really trying to deal with this without help, it was starting to take its toll. I was feeling progressively worse and it was getting harder to do anything at all. My left arm had been getting numb and my right just keeps getting worse. We picked her up Thursday afternoon. Shortly after we got home the neurologists office called and said my results were back and my doctor didn't want me to wait until Tuesday so he asked another doctor to squeeze me in. My appointment was for Friday at 12:45. I arrived with my own personal support army: My hubby, daughter, mother, and amazing friends Cheryl and Renee. I was nervous though certain I knew the findings. Once we all packed into the small office room, the new doctor came in to tell me the inevitable. It looks like I have MS. "we found a LOT of lesions on your brain and spine. Not the most I've seen, but certainly not a few" he said. That's when I started to break. I was prepared for the diagnosis, bur I am only 25 and should only be a little broken if at all, not a LOT broken! How did this happen?
He proceeded to tell me I had two choices: Do a 3 day outpatient IV Course, or do a 3 day inpatient hospital stay. I wanted nothing to do with staying in the hospital and away from Abigail. But at the same time I knew I was no use to her in my current state. And I knew that doing outpatient meant waiting until Monday to start the process and maybe not getting in until after Thanksgiving, by which I could be a million times worse. Inpatient meant I could be almost done by the time Monday rolled around.
At 5:00 I was on my way to admitting. The woman in admitting said shes been seeing so many women my age that just had babies being diagnosed. What has our world come to that there are so many stressors in our lives that the stress on your body of having a baby is causing so many young women's immune systems to attack itself?? By 6:00 I was in a private room. By now I could barely move the fingers on my right hand at all. Kel stayed until about 7:15 when I sent him home to put Abigail to bed. My first nurse was fantastic. She was from England and had a wonderful accent. She was probably the nicest nurse I'd ever had. The night nurse was a different story. She was not friendly (though shes been a little better this morning). And she didn't start my IV until midnight. No sooner did the IV drip of 1000mg Solumedrol start than I started tasting the infamous metallic taste. Shortly after, the "MS hug" I had been feeling lessened a great deal. So far that has been the only change. But breathing is important so being able to do so without discomfort is a good thing. I finally fell asleep after 1 and woke up at about 5:30. No sleeping in, even on my supposed day off from everything.
They tell you not to be stressed and to relax, but you are taken away from your norm and thrown into the noisy hospital life. Where something is always buzzing or beeping and someone is always poking or prodding. I'm anxious to hear how my daughter did her first night away from me--I'm sure she did better than I did, and I can't wait to see her smile. This morning I am having some involuntary muscle movements in my right hand and leg, shaking and twitching from time to time. Hopefully with tonights IV I will start to be able to move more. I have a lumbar puncture scheduled for Monday (to rule anything else out and better confirm their diagnosis) so I guess maybe I can leave on Tuesday. As long as I am home for Thanksgiving!!
While I am certainly upset about this diagnosis, It could definitely be worse. If this is what I have to take in exchange for my amazing daughter, I will take it a thousand times. Now my goal Is to kick this MS in the face and tell it it has messed with the wrong chick! I have MS. MS does NOT have me. And I am fighting to win.