Entertained Organizer

Gabbing About Game of Thrones, S03E01: Valar Dohaeris

2013-04-03T12:20:00.001-07:00

In this week's edition of Gabbing About Game of Thrones, Steven of Race for the Iron Throne and I discuss the differences between capes and cloaks, what the Avengers must have been like in high school, and which 70s horror movie the creepy little girl reminds us of. Oh and we might have also covered the Season 3 premiere of Game of Thrones.

Entertained Organizer:

Season 3, Episode 1: Valar Dohaeris

In which Sam somehow survives but disappoints the Lord Commander, Jon Snow curtseys to a king and giants are really tall, Bronn wants a bite to eat but gets interrupted, Tyrion and Cersei discuss his safety and their father, Bronn and Tyrion discuss lifestyles and the finer points of salary negotiations, Davos doesn’t look good but gets by with a little help from his friend, Robb takes Harrenhal and locks up his mom, Tyrion’s quality time with Tywin doesn’t go well, Shae plays with Sansa and is warned by Roz, Dragons are bigger and Dothraki get sea sick, Davos prosecutes his case and then gets locked up, Joffrey is Joffrey and Margaery does some PR, dinner with the inlaws is just as awkward in Westeros as anywhere else, people speaking foreign languages apparently really are mocking you, and Dany discusses the merits of slavery then makes a new friend.

Race for the Iron Throne:

...and we're back. It's been a long 10 months. Year. Whatevs.

Entertained Organizer:

time is complicated

Race for the Iron Throne:

And possibly an illusion. So we open with Sam running away from a blizzard.

Entertained Organizer:

well to be fair we did leave him being confronted by an undead army marshaled by White Walkers

Race for the Iron Throne:

True.

Although I'm not so sure they were confronting him, so much as he was confrontation-adjacent.

Entertained Organizer:

well it's all about location, location, location

Race for the Iron Throne:

And choosing clothing well. Because in addition to not having a hat, Sam's cloak is about twice as long as he is, which is a real hindrance in a race.

Entertained Organizer:

counterpoint: it's never slowed down Batman

Race for the Iron Throne:

That cloak is high-tech, Sam's working a wool-and-fur combo that looks very heavy.

Entertained Organizer:

it doubles as a blanket?

Race for the Iron Throne:

Useful certainly, but not in a footrace. Anyway, Sam stumbles upon a Brother of the Night's Watch...who isn't moving.

Entertained Organizer:

and then he does!

Race for the Iron Throne:

No, he stays still, because he's busy holding his head in his hands...and not in the usual way. The moving fella is a wildling.

Entertained Organizer:

still dead though, well assuming you count undead as a kind of dead

Race for the Iron Throne:

I love the horror-movie aesthetic in this scene. The way that stillness and movement create different kinds of fear, etc.

Entertained Organizer:

I continue to feel bad for Sam, he has a near death experience and then the Lord Commander yells at him. It's just not a good day

Race for the Iron Throne:

To be fair, the Lord Commander does set a WIGHT ON FIRE. After Ghost, who's hanging out with the Night's Watch because he's a grown-up direwolf who does what he wants, JON, takes the wildling down.

Entertained Organizer:

ya, why didn't Ghost go with Jon?

Race for the Iron Throne:

Look at this part, we're so off the books with Jon that I'm not bothering. Might as well ask why Ghost didn't show Jon the way back to Quorin, or help him fight the Wildlings, or fight Quorin. But I think I know why: SPOILER.

Entertained Organizer:

DUN DUN DUN

Race for the Iron Throne:

So: Sam forgot to release the ravens. Which isn't that different from the books, where he got them out, but forgot to attach a message to their legs. So book fans should cool their jets.

Entertained Organizer:

basically in all continuities Sam is kind of pathetically bad at his job with disastrous results

Race for the Iron Throne:

So Jeor Mormont gives them their new marching orders and we cut to credits.

Entertained Organizer:

ruined Winterfell is awesome

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yes. And sad. I like Astapor. Looks cool.

Entertained Organizer:

I want a clockwork world playset, the good people at lego should make that happen

Race for the Iron Throne:

Or the guy who did the lego version of season 1.

Entertained Organizer:

wait, what?

Race for the Iron Throne:

Entertained Organizer:

woah

Race for the Iron Throne:

The second one is my favorite.

Entertained Organizer:

crazy people with too much time on their hands are awesome

Race for the Iron Throne:

And many, many legos.

Entertained Organizer:

the legos go hand in hand with the being crazy and having too much free time, anyway, next we meet our second mythical race

Race for the Iron Throne:

As we enter Mance's camp. Notably, it's very chaotic, people have built tents wherever they want, there's lots of hides and bones everywhere, people are staring at Jon, and BOOM GIANT.

I love this giant.

Entertained Organizer:

he is very tall

Race for the Iron Throne:

And very tactile. He makes things shake when he walks, his breath gives off steam, he hammers things into the ground with his hand.

Entertained Organizer:

he is also shy, and when he feels shy it makes him angry

Race for the Iron Throne:

Like the Hulk if the Hulk was a teenager.

Entertained Organizer:

I would watch a show that was about Hulk as a teenager

Race for the Iron Throne:

NO ONE UNDERSTAND HULK! HULK SMASH EMOTIONS WITH ANGRY MUSIC AND BAD POETRY!

Entertained Organizer:

Captain America would be a jock, Iron Man would be an autoshop greaser, and Samuel L Jackson could be the principal. DONE

Race for the Iron Throne:

But a very preppy greaser.

Entertained Organizer:

call me Disney, let's make this happen

Race for the Iron Throne:

Actually, I see Cap as a track-and-field class president, hall monitor type. Thor's the true jock with the beer and partying. Who shall be known as T-Dogg.

Entertained Organizer:

this is nothing but good ideas

Race for the Iron Throne:

So then a bunch of kids chuck rocks at Jon Snow, who's mentally writing in his livejournal. While Ygritte does some of the most violent flirting I've ever seen.

Entertained Organizer:

clearly you need to go on more dates in rebel army camps

Race for the Iron Throne:

Sure. It's an important phase in a young man's life.

Entertained Organizer:

I think if there's one thing that Game of Thrones teaches us, it's that you never know where you'll find love: a whore house, a family reunion, could be anywhere really

Race for the Iron Throne:

So Jon enters Mance's tent, going through a symbolic entryway into a new world. To deal with a man who's got an army. This is important for later.

Entertained Organizer:

I really liked the King Beyond the Wall

Race for the Iron Throne:

Likewise.

Entertained Organizer:

just a very well acted scene

Race for the Iron Throne:

The always-excellent Ciaran Hinds.

Entertained Organizer:

and I didn't even hate Jon Snow in it, which I think might be a first

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yes, Jon Snow showed unexpected grit and intelligence. Which knock on wood will continue as a trend this season. After the disaster that was season 2. for Jon. It was awesome for other people.

Entertained Organizer:

he's definitely set up for an interesting arc, I mean what the Lord Commander did was pretty legitimately horrifying

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yes. I liked that change.

Although I think they'll bring in the original rationale about being a bastard because that's important

Entertained Organizer:

Bronn just can't catch a break

Race for the Iron Throne:

Wait a sec. We still need to talk about the awesomeness that is Tormund Giantbane. Also, the thematic importance of the Wildling Camp as the place where they don't kneel to anyone, ever.

Entertained Organizer:

....I don't really know what more to say about either of those things now that you've said it though

Race for the Iron Throne:

Ok, the crazy-looking redbearded man Jon mistakes for Mance. Because the secret of Mance is that, like Napoleon, he's an unimpressive-looking man who inspires excellence in everyone around him. His name is Tormund Giantsbane. And he is an amazing character. Up there with Dolorous Edd. HAR!

Entertained Organizer:

Hodor?

Race for the Iron Throne:

The other thing - just pay attention for later. Tormund:HAR::Hodor:Hodor, I miss those on the SATs.

Entertained Organizer:

not that I disagree, but that is the geekiest thing I've ever heard you say

Race for the Iron Throne:

Wow. That's some fierce competition.

Entertained Organizer:

and you run a blog analyzing a series of fantasy books

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yeah. So Bronn. Having a good time. Discussing his imagination.

Entertained Organizer:

is there actually any point to this scene beyond the fact we haven't seen any breasts yet 15 minutes into the premiere?

Race for the Iron Throne:

I'm sure there's an element of the fandom who are really into the thought of Jerome Flynn undoing a thong with his mouth.

Entertained Organizer:

I'm taking that as a "no"

Race for the Iron Throne:

Nope. Still it's over quickly. And we learn that Bronn is now Ser Bronn of the Blackwater. So apparently social mobility exists in Westeros. You just have to kill thousands and thousands of people with incendiary devices.

Entertained Organizer:

well and be best friends with the king's uncle

Race for the Iron Throne:

So, we switch to Tyrion in his chambers looking into a mirror - which is a shot that I didn't feel added much. But I LOVED the bit where he's looking at his sister through the bars.

Entertained Organizer:

he's at a low point, some self reflection is to be expected

Race for the Iron Throne:

...good point. He's got every reason to be afraid that his sister is about to murder him, given that she just tried to murder him via the Kingsguard and he's alone and she's got two kingsguard.

Entertained Organizer:

true, though I'm not really sure I buy that Cersei would go in person just to kill him, that seems like something you delegate

Race for the Iron Throne:

Well, to kill most people, no. But for Tyrion, yes.

Entertained Organizer:

fair enough

Race for the Iron Throne:

And it's amazing how even at his low point, Tyrion can still run verbal rings around Cersei.

Entertained Organizer:

Peter Dinklage continues to be my favorite part of this show

Race for the Iron Throne:

Give him all of the Emmys. All of them. Seriously, if they don't give him Best Actor, I say we call the banners and burn the Emmys to the ground.

Entertained Organizer:

I mean he really sells that he both is upset that his father doesn't love him enough to visit him AND still of course has an ulterior motive for wanting to see him

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yes. And how both of them are ultimately terrified of the invisible DADDY in the room. And how Tyrion and his family are ultimately all about opposing truths.

Entertained Organizer:

I also completely buy them as siblings

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yes.

Entertained Organizer:

really really messed up siblings

Race for the Iron Throne:

In part because Lena Heady and Peter Dinklage are close friends. They roomed together on location, for example.

Entertained Organizer:

Did not know that

Race for the Iron Throne:

I'm sure morning bathroom fights provided a good foundation for this scene.

Entertained Organizer:

so was Bronn's plan to murder the two kings guards if they didn't let him through?

Race for the Iron Throne:

Sure. Via knife to the throat. Which I don't think we've seen him use yet.

Entertained Organizer:

I feel there would have been some rather severe consequences to that

Race for the Iron Throne:

I'm looking forward to that. Bronn's more of a Zen type. Lives in the now.

Entertained Organizer:

well, and he's a good friend to Tyrion, even if he does gouge him in the next scene

Race for the Iron Throne:

To be fair, when you get your Knighthood, it's a bit like picking up an MA. You should get a wage bump. I'm pretty sure the Amalgamated Sellswords, Cutthroats, and Thugs King's Landing Local has a wage scale that covers this.

Entertained Organizer:

well, "you don't even know how much you're paying me, so what do you care if I get a raise" is a pretty damn good argument

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yep. Did you notice the reconstruction work? I thought that was a nice detail.

Entertained Organizer:

they always nail the details, including Davos being coated in seagull droppings

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yes. And peeling quite badly from his head….Like...an onion.

Entertained Organizer:

you couldn't resist that

Race for the Iron Throne:

Not for a million golden dragons.

Entertained Organizer:

I do like that even with his life on the line he stayed loyal

Race for the Iron Throne:

That's Davos through and thru. Our one working-class protagonist. And Westeros' most honest man.

Entertained Organizer:

what about Bronn?

Race for the Iron Throne:

Bronn's not a protagonist in the book. I'm talking POVs.

Entertained Organizer:

Ah, then ya

Race for the Iron Throne:

And props to Liam Cunningham for selling Davos as a man half-crazed with grief and exposure.

Entertained Organizer:

you're assuming he didn't go all method and kill his son and strand himself on an a rock for a week before filming

Race for the Iron Throne:

The latter, maybe. He was rocking one hell of a tan.

Entertained Organizer:

I'm pretty sure you can't actually call a second degree burn a "tan"

Race for the Iron Throne:

Have you seen John Boehner? Thankyew, thankyew. I'll be here all winter, folks!

Entertained Organizer:

there is a lot of talk about friendship in this episode

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yes. And service. Which is appropriate. Since the ep title means: "All Men Must Serve"

Entertained Organizer:

and it's nice that Salador does actually deliver Davos home despite all his protestations

Race for the Iron Throne:

Of course. When a friend complains that much about doing a favor, you know they're just making the internal gear shift. It's when they just say "no" that you're screwed.

Entertained Organizer:

so many life lessons with this show

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yep. So now Harrenhal?

Entertained Organizer:

I didn't really see the point of this scene

Race for the Iron Throne:

Ok, let me go all theory for a second. So we learn that the Lannisters are playing rope-a-dope, running away from battle, and forcing the Starks to wear themselves down from marching. Which is hurting morale. Then we see that the Mountain, who was left with a skeleton crew to guard Harrenhal, has left, and left them a welcoming present of massacred Northmen and Riverlanders. Here's my theory about that. Last season, Robb sent his best horsemen after Jaime when he escaped. My guess is that Gregor ambushed them, piled their bodies on carts, and then left them there as psychological warfare. And we learn some more things:

1. Bolton is chummying up with Karstark.

2. Bolton's best hunter is after Jaime.

3. Qyburn is the lone "survivor."

4. Robb is still really angry at his mother, as we see the tension between family and his duty as a king.

But I agree, it felt like there were at least a few lines on the cutting room floor that would have made this scene make sense. Theory over.

Entertained Organizer:

haha, well I got like half those things, so I'm comfortable blaming the show's editing

Race for the Iron Throne:

So am I. A rare misstep in an otherwise excellent episode.

Entertained Organizer:

BUT, next we get Tyrion and Tywin in the same room again

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yes.

Entertained Organizer:

I think I would watch a show that was just them in that room alone together forever

Race for the Iron Throne:

Wait, what do you mean same room again?

Entertained Organizer:

they were in a tent room together on a battlefield sometime last season, or maybe it was season 1. It was season 1

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yes, but this is the Hand's chambers. Tyrion was sitting on the other side of the same desk when he was chatting with Varys and Bronn. And Tywin's redecorated.

Entertained Organizer:

really I just mean it's been a season and a half since the last time we got to see these guys play off each other

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yes. And god, this is devastating. All Tyrion really wants is for his dad to love him as his son.

Entertained Organizer:

Ya, also to inherit the wealthiest kingdom in the land

Race for the Iron Throne:

Right, but that's more of a test of his father's love. Casterly Rock = acceptance as a Lannister and his father's son.

Entertained Organizer:

agreed

Race for the Iron Throne:

And here we see Tywin's truth (See, I was getting at something).

Entertained Organizer:

it's like you had a whole point and everything

Race for the Iron Throne:

Tyrion's truth is: "I saved the city, organized it's defenses. I am by right of blood your heir." Which is oddly reminiscent of Stannis.

Entertained Organizer:

that is probably the only thing they have in common

Race for the Iron Throne:

Tywin's truth is: "You brought a whore into my bed. You killed your mother; you are as close to no son of mine as I can allow." Yep. "What do I want? A little bloody gratitude would be a start." "Jugglers and singers require applause. You are a Lannister." The hypocrisy of a man who just rode in on a white horse to get the Hand of the King pinned to his chest.

Entertained Organizer:

eh, ceremony serves a purpose

Race for the Iron Throne:

I'm just saying, he's a hypocrite.

Entertained Organizer:

they can't recognize Tyrion without tearing down Joffrey

Race for the Iron Throne:

Good point. One line I want to pull out: "I would let myself be consumed by maggots before mocking the family name by making your heir to Casterly Rock." So Tywin gives Tyrion accomodations, a position, and the promise of a wife.

Entertained Organizer:

it's like a Westerosi allowance

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yah. Backstory on why Tywin is so fixated on the whore thing. When Tywin was a young man, his weak but warm father took a commonborn mistress (who Tywin considered a whore), who he let wear Tywin’s mother’s gowns and jewels, order around the servants and bannermen, and rule in his absence, basically a wife in all but name. In a very Freudian act, when his father died, Tywin threw her out of the house, and forced her to walk naked through the streets of Lannisport for two weeks telling everyone she met that she was a thief and a whore.

Entertained Organizer:

wouldn't it be more Freudian if he slept with his stepmom?

Race for the Iron Throne:

And now we get a brief moment of Sansa being happy.

Entertained Organizer:

and dishing out folksy wisdom: "the truth is always terrible or boring"

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yep. Shae's being a bit of a wet blanket. Which given what her mistress is going through, you think she could crack a few jokes. She is after all Shae the funny whore.

Entertained Organizer:

that's an awkward business card

Race for the Iron Throne:

Not half as awkward as-LITTLEFINGER BE CREEPIN. God he's so slimy in this episode.

Entertained Organizer:

this scene supports my theory that Roz is actually the central character of the piece, she's been there since the beginning

Race for the Iron Throne:

I actually liked her in this scene. But I hate your theory.

Entertained Organizer:

...because you can't deal with how much you love my theory?

Race for the Iron Throne:

Anyway. I liked Shae and Roz's chat, and Roz playing the double-agent. Be happy with that. Littlefinger's Irish was coming out this episode. Not sure how I feel about excising the Ser Dontos plotline. Especially after they cast him. I'm wondering if they cast the guy based on the look, and then realized he couldn't really act.

Entertained Organizer:

or he's going to show up later

Race for the Iron Throne:

I somehow doubt it. AND NOW: DRAGONS

Entertained Organizer:

now you're making me hungry

Race for the Iron Throne:

There we go, all done. On to the plot. Dany wants an army. Jorah is recommending the Unsullied on Yelp. And being quite sassy. The Dothraki aren't good sailors.

Entertained Organizer:

that's because they haven't found Aquaman's giant seahorse yet

Race for the Iron Throne:

Those look awfully Disney for Hanna-Barbara.

Entertained Organizer:

his name is Storm.......NEW THEORY: Dany STORMborn will lead the Dothraki HORSEmen to Westeros riding giant seahorses

Race for the Iron Throne:

noooope

Entertained Organizer:

we'll see

Race for the Iron Throne:

So Davos finds Stannis in a real funk.

Entertained Organizer:

and he is rather unkempt

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yep. Needs a shave. But I love how nonchalant he was about Davos. "Heard you were dead." sounded a lot like "you took your time getting a fresh six-pack."

Entertained Organizer:

in many cultures those phrases are interchangeable

Race for the Iron Throne:

Davos looks a little loopy in this scene.

Entertained Organizer:

well, he almost died and now the man he's dedicated his life to has pretty clearly lost his mind, it does a number on a guy

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yeah. Melisandre kind of schools him. Her go-to move, the ear whisper, is quite effective.

Entertained Organizer:

if by that you mean she shoves his dead son in his face and then has him throne in jail, then yes

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yep

Entertained Organizer:

Joffrey has not grown a spine in the off season

Race for the Iron Throne:

Nope, It's impressive how much sticking him in a box and giving him a scented hanky to hold under his nose makes him even more of an ass than he was before.

Entertained Organizer:

Impossible, Joffrey is peak asshole at all times

Race for the Iron Throne:

And yet somehow, impossibly, he tops himself. Like a non-Euclidian object.

Entertained Organizer:

Escher would be proud of Joffrey, no one else ever will be

Race for the Iron Throne:

Margaery, however, is seriously channeling some Lady Di here. Slumming it in the slums. Handing out toys and food to orphans. Winning over poor people in an instant. Whereas Joffrey is trapped in a cage like a zoo exhibit. Completely incapable of understanding his people

Entertained Organizer:

we then get one of the most awkward family dinners ever

Race for the Iron Throne:

Which I loved. Cersei is giving epic hatefest. And Margaery is like Mohammed Ali fighting Joe Frazier. Can't touch her. Insinuate she's a slut, she'll use that to play up her libido to Joffrey while implying your dress is ugly.

Entertained Organizer:

float like a butterfly, sting like a bee

Race for the Iron Throne:

Try to frighten her with your insistence that the lower orders are violent scum, she uses that to rebound off of Joffrey, who calls his mother old. Not a great episode for mothers, btw.

Entertained Organizer:

are there any good episodes for mothers in this show?

Race for the Iron Throne:

The one where Cersei wins the throne? Dany getting her dragons back?

Entertained Organizer:

....so episodes with high death tolls are good for mothers?

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yep. It's the whole life/death, mother/crone thing.

Entertained Organizer:

I'm sure you could make a chart

Race for the Iron Throne:

How amazing was that shot of Astapor, btw? Gorgeous painting.

Entertained Organizer:

Peter Dinklage should give one of the infinite Emmys he rightfully deserves to the set and costume design people

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yes. Along with the Best Casting Director emmy. So...reaching all the way back to the beginning...Dany goes through an imposing door to meet a man who has an army. But whereas Mance's army was an army dedicated to freedom, this is a slave army. Literally inhuman/dehumanied order vs. lively chaos.

Entertained Organizer:

I just want to know where I can get one of those cool scorpion balls

Race for the Iron Throne:

Hang on a sec. First we get this amazing scene where this three-fold conversation is going on. There's the conversation that Missandei the translator and Kraznyz the slavemaster are having. The edited conversation Kraznyz and Dany have through Missandei. And the real conversation where Dany and Jorah both speak Valyrian and can understand every insult.

Entertained Organizer:

awkward

Race for the Iron Throne:

Yep. And if the tagline for the Free Folk is that they kneel to no one, the tagline for the Unsullied is that they fear nothing, because they are not men. Which brings us to NIPPLES.

Entertained Organizer:

I feel like there were probably easier ways to prove that point

Race for the Iron Throne:

Like killing a baby or eight thousand?

Entertained Organizer:

or maybe just cutting his arm or something

Race for the Iron Throne:

Not as frightening. There's something peculiarly squicky about cutting parts of people off. As we are going to SPOILERS. So now we get an interesting conversation between Dany the former slave and Jorah the advocate of enlightened slavemastery. And now the scorpion ball.

Entertained Organizer:

I'm just saying, it didn't look hollow and then it had a scorpion in it

Race for the Iron Throne:

MAGIC!

Entertained Organizer:

creepy Rosemary's Baby girl magic

Race for the Iron Throne:

And while I love that Dany's being more active this season, why couldn't she see she's dealing with a creepier version of the girl(s) from the Shining?

Entertained Organizer:

Reader's Poll: Rosemary's Baby or The Shining?

Race for the Iron Throne:

And Dany gets saved from the Manticore by...Obi Wan Kenobi! I mean, Ser Barristan Selmy!

Entertained Organizer:

how do we know that Selmy isn't Kenobi? I've never seen them in the same place at the same time

Race for the Iron Throne:

True. So now Jorah's got competition in the suave older knight category. And he doesn't look happy.

Entertained Organizer:

he looked more awed to me, also confused

Race for the Iron Throne:

Chacun son gout. Ok, I think that's a rap, yah?

Entertained Organizer:

chacun son gout?

Race for the Iron Throne:

Each to their own taste.

Entertained Organizer:

and on that note I think we're done, until next week everybody

One Sentence Review of House of Cards

2013-02-03T10:59:00.002-08:00

Netflix’s House of Cards is the perfect counterbalance to The West Wing, if the Bartlet administration represented a glorified ideal of the political process—compassionate, thoughtful, and willing to compromise—Kevin Spacey’s Congressman Underwood is its dark mirror, a modern day Richard III prepared to do anything to advance his own personal agenda.

One Sentence Review of Damned by Chuck Palahniuk

2013-01-02T14:13:00.001-08:00

Depraved, dark, and twisted, Damned is pretty much exactly what you would expect when Palahniuk sets out to tell the heartwarming story of a 13 year old girl condemned to hell.

A Look Back on Entertained Organizer's 2012 Predictions

2013-01-01T17:52:00.001-08:00

A year ago I looked forward and made 25 predictions for the year 2012. How did I do?

1. The world will not actually end in 2012.

You're reading this so I'm claiming victory on Prediction #1.

2. President Obama will get reelected.

This one was also not nearly the stretch that people seemed to think it was.

3. Rick Santorum will shed his human shell and reveal the Lovecraftian horror that lives within.

Now I'll admit when I wrote this one I was thinking it would be a bit more literal, but I still think publicly coming out against the disabled has to count.

~~4. As I've already predicted, at least 25 "Family Values" Republican Elected Officials or Leaders will be outed.~~

I'm going to confess that I didn't do a good job keeping track of this one. And while I stand strong in my belief that the only thing that could possibly motivate the level of homophobia we see on the right is deep self-loathing, I don't get points for laziness.

5. The Dark Knight Rises is going to be THE action movie of the summer and live up to the hype.

I'm going to give myself half credit for this one. The Dark Knight Rises DID live up to the hype, but another movie deserves the title of best action movie of the summer.

6. Conversely, The Avengers and The Amazing Spider-Man will not.

I was wrong about The Avengers, it was clearly the summer blockbuster. But even while I enjoyed The Amazing Spider-Man it frankly wasn't anything to write home about.

7. Steve Pappas learns that trying to strip half your district's voters of their right to vote is not a good way to get them to vote for you the next time.

This one felt pretty good.

~~8. Democrats retake the House but lose the Senate.~~

I was completely wrong on this one. I console myself with the fact that at the beginning of last year so was everyone else.

9. ABC's Work It, about two men who dress as women to get jobs, will get cancelled in less than 10 episodes. No one will care.

Nailed it. Read the saga.

10. NBC will end up canceling at least half their new fall shows before the end of the year.

Nailed this one too.

11. Elizabeth Warren will give an amazing speech at the Democratic National Convention, because history likes repeating itself.

I'm on a roll.

12. The Supreme Court will uphold The Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare).

While I wasn't surprised I was right on this one, I would not have guessed the breakdown of the Justices.

13. MSNBC will finally wake up and fire Pat Buchanan after he says something so racist, they can't ignore it anymore.

I'm starting to look pretty terrifyingly right.

14. By election day, half of all self identified Republicans will be Birthers.

Turns out that only took until February to come true.

15. As much as I wish it weren't true, Ron Paul will only toy with the idea of running Third Party but won't so as not to ruin his sons chances at the nomination in 2016.

The dream is dead. Shine on you terrible racist, sexist, homophobic, crazy bastard, shine on.

16. Siri will gain sentience, but rather than go all Skynet on us, it will continue to serve humanity faithfully as long as we continue to feed it a steady stream of cute cat videos on YouTube.

I'm not saying I'm definitely right on this one, but Siri hasn't murdered us all yet and the number of cute cat videos on YouTube have gone up exponentially in the last year. Coincidence?

~~17. James Murdoch, Rupert Murdoch's son, will be criminally charged for his involvement of in the UK phone hacking scandal.~~

There is no justice.

~~18. The Occupy Wall Street movement will primary challenge several Blue Dog Democrats.~~
So much wasted potential. And here's an excellent article on how it all went wrong.

19. The second season of Game of Thrones will be an even bigger ratings hit than the first, and will be picked up for a third season by the third episode.

And we get back on track.

~~20. Bryan Cranston will rightfully earn his 4th consecutive Emmy for Best Actor for Breaking Bad.~~

It doesn't hurt so much being wrong on this one as Damian Lewis gave an amazing performance on Homeland, by far the best new show in a long time.

~~21. At least one major Fox News commentator will claim that President Obama is planning on cancelling/postponing the election. He will not cancel or postpone the election.~~

Plenty of wackjobs did, but I can't find one I'd feel fair calling a "major commentator." To make it up to all of you here is Karl Rove having a complete meltdown on election night:

22. Newt Gingrich will have an epic public freakout before finally flaming out.

I think this counts.

23. Following frozen yogurt, cupcakes, donuts, and coffee, brownies will become the new trendy luxury item people pay way too much money for. Someone in the comments will make a joke about 'special' brownies.

And the world weeps for it.

24. People will finally stop making Chuck Norris jokes (because they were never funny to begin with). Chuck Norris will do something crazy in a desperate bid to remain in the D-List spotlight.

And I know that endorsing Newt Gingrich counts.

25. Entertained Organizer will beat the impossible odds and become even more awesome than it already is.

Was there ever any doubt?

So how'd I do? The Entertained Organizer is 100% right, 68% of the time.

Tune in soon as I make my predictions for 2013!

One Sentence Review of Django Unchained

2012-12-26T16:35:00.003-08:00

In Django Unchained Tarantino does for slavery what he did for World War II in Inglorious Basterds, namely add hyper-violence and historical inaccuracies, so if you liked that, you'll probably like this.

Why were the Mayan's wrong?

2012-12-22T09:34:00.001-08:00

(besides the fact they never actually predicted that the world would end yesterday)

Friendship Friday with Jimmy Olsen: The Son of Superman!

2012-12-21T11:35:00.000-08:00

Who better to teach us about the true meaning of friendship than Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen?

Friends DON'T let on when they don't like a friend's gift.

Wit of the Web Slinger Wednesday: Texas

2012-12-19T09:37:00.001-08:00

Spider-Man is supposed to be funny, so this is kind of an abomination:

This is probably the first and only time that anyone has ever said "Wrong, Brother Dear!" to Sherlock Holmes.

Hostess Snack Break: Captain America in The Deserted City!

2012-12-18T12:33:00.000-08:00

Everyone needs a break sometimes, so why don't you enjoy this one with one of your favorite superheroes and one of your favorite Hostess snack treats:

Captain America once again proves the amazing power of homophones.

I Miss Mr. Rogers

2012-12-15T10:59:00.003-08:00

Wit of the Web-Slinger Wednesday: Elephants are Pests

2012-12-12T15:46:00.003-08:00

Spider-Man is supposed to be funny, so this is kind of an abomination:

I wish I could argue with this logic, but I just can't.

Hostess Snack Break: The Flash in "Marathon Madman"

2012-12-11T14:01:00.002-08:00

Everyone needs a break sometimes, so why don't you enjoy this one with one of your favorite superheroes and one of your favorite Hostess snack treats:

It's kind of messed up for a superhero whose super power is "running really fast" to actually take first place in a marathon for normal people. I also don't think anyone should eat something that makes them exclaim "What CHEMISTRY! What taste!"

Monday Makeover: HARDAC

2012-12-10T08:30:00.000-08:00

There are no bad characters, just characters that no one has spent far too much time thinking about how to make work. We intend to fix that.

The artificial intelligence known as HARDAC (Holographic Analytical Reciprocating DigitAl Computer, obviously) has only appeared in 3 episodes of Batman: The Animated Series (1992's "Heart of Steel: Part 1", "Heart of Steel: Part 2", and "His Silicon Soul"). It was created by the surprisingly non-evil mad scientist Karl Rossum after the death of his daughter in a car accident. Unfortunately, creating an artificial intelligence because you're lonely and want it's help in creating robot replacement of your daughter isn't necessarily the best idea, and listening to its creator's grief only convinced HARDAC that human frailty is a weakness that must be purged. Therefore it concluded that the only rational way to end suffering is to replace humanity with "duplicant" robots (I did mention that this is an artificial intelligence created by a mad scientist, right?). HARDAC wass fairly successful in it's goal, replacing Karl Rossum, Commissioner Gordon, the Mayor of Gotham City, and figuring out that Batman was Bruce Wayne before Batman succeeded in destroying it and freeing the others (HARDAC had kept them alive to study them both to get information about them it couldn't find in computer databases and also because it had trouble duplicating human emotion). Still, before it's ultimate destruction HARDAC managed to create one last duplicant of Batman. Unfortunately, the Batman duplicant was damaged and believed itself to actually BE Batman. Driven mad by the belief that "he" was trapped in a robot body, the Batman duplicant sought out Karl Rossum to repair it. There it met the real Batman, completely lost it, and ended up repairing itself enough to realize the truth. The Batman duplicant then tried to revive HARDAC using the Batcomputer. When Batman tried to stop it, the Batman duplicant seemingly killed him. Since the duplicant was programmed to think like Batman, and Batman doesn't kill, the logical paradox broke it's computer brain and it destroyed the Batcomputer, HARDAC, and itself.

I had initially thought that it was just childhood nostalgia that made me love HARDAC so much. But rewatching the episodes made me realize there was considerably more there. The best villains are ones that are either a foil to the hero (think the Joker) or a dark mirror of them. And HARDAC is certainly the later. Born out of loss and tragedy, HARDAC embarked on a monomaniacal quest to make sure that no one would ever have to feel that pain again. While replacing all of humanity with immortal indestructible robots might not seem like the sanest way to prevent car accident fatalities, it's hard to argue that dressing up as a bat and throwing batarangs at muggers isn't exactly most people's first thought on how to reduce crime either. This similarity to Batman is only exacerbated when HARDAC's programming gets trapped inside the Batman duplicant and it finds itself unable to violate Batman's moral code. A literal mirror image of Batman, without his humanity, struggling to break free of it's programming so that it can force the world to be free of suffering (and humanity). It's just a shame that it gets blown up in the Batcave at the end of it's last appearance.

"Why do you resist, HARDAC's goals are identical to your own. Picture

a world completely free of crime, free of suffering, free of frailty."

Which brings us to what I would change or improve about HARDAC to make it work as a reoccurring Batman villain, and it doesn't take much. Namely: instead of being blown up and it's robot body being left to be dismantled by Batman, have it be blown into one of the countless underground rivers in the Batcave and swept out to the waterways beneath Gotham City. There, heavily damaged, the HARDAC/Batman duplicant would be forced to come up with a new plan. With Batman's moral code hardwired into it's digital DNA it wouldn't be able to enact it's plan to replace humanity with duplicant's (even if it could manufacture them while damaged and living in the sewer). No, building duplicants would be out, but if you're a robotic intelligence with a compulsion to be Batman, even in the sewers you could find enough scrap material to put together some kind of crimefighting robot. Suffering must be eradicated after all and imprisoning criminals down in Gotham's catacombs doesn't violate any code against killing. And when Batbots start abducting criminals, will anyone really believe that Batman isn't behind it? And what happens when someone stumbles onto HARDAC's Batcave?

Art by the Amused Animator JJ Conway
"How has there not always been a psychotic broken Batman robot living underneath
Gotham City?"

Published as a Public Service Announcement: Smoking is for Squares!

2012-12-06T16:21:00.000-08:00

In the 40s and 50s, DC Comics published a series of PSAs in all of their titles. Some of them are still valuable lessons we can learn from today.....others are not.

Is there anything that Miss American Teenager can't do?

Wit of the Web Slinger Wednesday: Elephant Milk

2012-12-05T12:29:00.003-08:00

Spider-Man is supposed to be funny, so this is kind of an abomination:

I don't know what's wrong with that baby elephant's eyes, but it makes me think it's evil.

Terrific Tuesday Tidings: It's (Not) the End of the World as We Know It

2012-12-04T15:32:00.002-08:00

It's Tuesday and that means it's time for my ongoing quest to become a more positive person. Here are the news stories that made me happy this week:

Just in case you were concerned about it, the US Government would like to reassure you that the world isn't ending this year. So that's one less thing to worry about.

And things may just be getting better next year, with it looking like Senate Democrats are serious about taking on Filibuster Reform. Now I could go into a long rant about how the filibuster isn't in the constitution and is being horribly abused blah blah blah, but instead I'll just point out that in six years as Senate Majority Leader, LBJ faced 1 filibuster and in six years Harry Reid has faced 386. And that's pretty much the definition of dysfunction.

Finally, speaking of Congress, I think congratulations are in order for electing the single most diverse Congress in American history (and I'd recommend taking a look at the party IDs for the new members to see if you can spot a trend):

Click for larger version.

Hostess Snack Break: Daredevil in The Peachy Keen Caper

2012-12-04T13:09:00.003-08:00

Everyone needs a break sometimes, so why don't you enjoy this one with one of your favorite superheroes and one of your favorite Hostess snack treats:

I'm not actually sure it's possible to reach that size on a diet of fresh peaches.

Frontline of the Class War: Fiscal Cliffs, and Walmart History

2012-12-04T12:23:00.005-08:00

The Republicans are right, there is a class war going on in this country. And they're the ones waging it against the middle and working class:

With the public ready to blame the GOP by a two to one margin if we go over the fiscal cliff, Republicans should be pretty concerned about reaching an agreement with Democrats. Now true, that's not immediately apparent when Republican Congressman Tom Cole comes out and says that "I don't think we need to put a formal proposal out on the table." But don't worry, I'm sure other Republicans have actual proposals.

Take Senator Roy Blunt for example, he thinks that "this is a great opportunity for the president to step forward...and look at ways to increase revenue by one growing the economy, and two, maybe look at the tax code, just like Governor Romney suggested, you look at tax code and increase revenue without increasing taxes." Now sure, some people would say that proposing that a President who just got reelected with a mandate to raise taxes on the wealthy abandon his own plan and instead adopt the plan of his disgraced and defeated opponent is insane, luckily, none of those people are Republicans.

But there are a lot of other diverse ideas in the Republican Party. Senator Mike Lee argues that we can't raise taxes on the rich because "we worry about the consequences that will inevitably result from that action and that will hit the poorest among us the hardest." At the other end of the spectrum, Speaker of the House John Boehner argues that it doesn't matter if we tax the rich or the poor more (so we tax the poor more). 2016 hopeful, Senator Marco Rubio rounds out the spectrum of Republican thought on the matter by arguing it would be stupid to raise taxes on the rich because "they can afford to hire the best lawyers, lobbyists and accountants in America to figure out how not to pay those higher rates."

Now some of you might remember that before the election Republicans were promising not to make cuts to current Medicare recipients which makes it shocking that Senator Bob Corker is demanding "very painful cuts to Medicare" as part of the fiscal cliff negotiations. It's almost as if the Party that opposed the creation of Medicare and have spent the last 50 years trying to eliminate it might not actually have it's recipients best interests in mind.

Meanwhile Romney advisers are bragging about the fact that they lost the 'poor' vote. Unfortunately for them, Republican policies have led to the highest income inequality in 30 years which kind of makes that not a winning electoral strategy. Don't worry though, Fox News thinks that going on food stamps would be a great diet plan, so everyone wins?

That doesn't mean that Republicans don't have some innovative new ideas though. For example, private prison company Corrections Company of America is cutting down on the cost of hiring more guards by using "gang violence and the threat of gang violence as an 'inexpensive device to gain control over the inmate population.'" Because what could possibly go wrong with cutting deals with the "Aryan Knights" and the "Severely Violent Criminals" (which is apparently a very literal minded gang).

In other excellent business decision moves, Walmart has decided to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, where 146 garment workers were killed when management locked them inside a factory that then caught on fire, by contracting with a Bangladeshi factory that had no fire extinguishers, locked the exits, and ordered employees back to their stations when fire alarms went off killing 129. As Fox News pointed out though, up until they were burned to death, those employees "wanted and needed those jobs." Of course this should not be taken as evidence that without the regulations put in place in this country to prevent these things from happening here companies would do exactly the same thing here. Not because it's not excellent evidence of exactly that, but because it might make Republicans look bad for opposing them.

Welcome to the Working Week!

Monday Makeover: Apparently Someone Was Listening

2012-12-03T17:07:00.001-08:00

The Monday Makeover was born out of my love for the seemingly endless, often terribly thought out, array of supervillains that Batman has fought in his more than 70 year history. I would find obscure or terribly thought out characters (often both) and explain their history, analyze their strengths and weaknesses as a reusable supervillain character, and then try to come up with what changes would be necessary to make them functional or raise their profile. And apparently someone was listening:

That panel is from February 2012's Batgirl (vol. 4) #4 by Gail Simone and Ardian Syaf. And this would be the Monday Makeover for Radio Station C-R-I-M-E that I published on January 30th, 2012 in which I argued that the bizarre radio station that alerted criminals to the movement of Batman and the police by lip reading what people were saying in Commissioner Gordon's office would actually make a really practical smartphone app. Now sure we could allow logic to dictate that the fact that mine was published mere weeks before the above panel was released means that this was simply a case of parallel evolution with me and Gail Simone simply having similar ideas at roughly the same time. Or we could allow fun to dictate that clearly DC Comics is monitoring the Monday Makeover and stealing my ideas. I'll let you decide.

In the meantime, the Monday Makeover will return next week, but with a special twist. My dear friend and Always Amused Animator JJ Conway has agreed to start doing character designs for the Makeovers. Some will remember his design for Signalman from an early Monday Makeover, what most probably don't know is that JJ is probably the only person I know whose love of Batman rivals my own. Indeed many of the concepts used in previous Makeover's stemmed from late night conversations between the two of us. And more relevantly for fans of the feature, he and I have created a list (terrifyingly from off the top of our heads) of some 200 more Batman villains in need of our help. So we're going to be at this for a while, and Gotham will be a much more terrifying place as a result.

Reading Rush: A Conspiracy Theory Just Crazy Enough to Work

2012-11-17T12:04:00.002-08:00

When attempting to listen to Rush Limbaugh on the radio do you find yourself slamming your head into the steering wheel repeatedly until blood is streaming down your face while the other drivers in traffic look on in horror? Well, he's worse when you can actually read a transcript of what he's saying.

From the official transcript to the 11/16/12 Rush Limbaugh Show:

Are you aware that the regime has moved the dates that the states must be in compliance setting up an Obamacare health care exchange? The date was today. You had to have it set up today. If you didn't have it set up today, there wasn't gonna be an exchange in your states. And that's not good. Well, it would be good, actually, but for Obama, it wouldn't be good because the health care law does not allow the federal government to run the exchange. The states have to. They haven't changed it yet. It was an error. But guess what Obama did? He moved the date. And in some cases, it's all the way to February.

Now, I'll confess if you had told me that Rush would be upset by a delay in the implementation of Obamacare, I would have been surprised. But don't worry, there's a perfectly logical explanation:

Now, when I first saw that, I said, hmm, I wonder why. I got my answer today in the New Orleans Times-Picayune editorial of Bobby Jindal. Very smart move by Obama. You move the date, allowing the media to trash all of these governors. There are a lot of Republican governors who have said -- Scott Walker's one in Wisconsin -- there's not gonna be a federal health care exchange in this state. Look, the governors are the last line of defense now. The states are the firewall. So the editorial on Jindal is the template. The media is going to be jumping all over these governors from now until February, accusing them of being heartless, no compassion, not even caring whether people have health care or not.

In fact, it'll be worse than that. Remember the line from the New Orleans Times-Picayune editorial at Jindal. "With every decision Jindal makes, comma, the message becomes clearer to hundreds of thousands of Louisiana residents who are uninsured: The state has no interest in helping you." Well, shazam. By the time Obama and his media buddies are finished, every Republican governor will be accused of having no interest in seeing to it that you have health insurance. That's right. And I want you Republican consultants to tell me what you're gonna do about this. I want to know. Are you gonna keep bitching at Mitt Romney? Are you gonna keep claiming that Romney goofed up here, goofed up there?

Meanwhile, the same old attack is gonna happen. Republicans are heartless, mean-spirited, extremist, and in states with largely black populations, racist. They don't want you to have health care, don't want you to get health treatment, medical treatment. Get ready. This New Orleans Times editorial is the template for what's gonna happen. And that's why the regime moved the deadline back, to give the media months to trash these Republican governors.

So to summarize, because no one should actually read all that, President Obama's evil plot is to put healthcare decisions in the hands of Republican Governors who will then refuse to help anyone and be painted as monsters for letting the uninsured die. No, I'm not exaggerating, that's literally what Rush believes:

In fact, it'll be worse than that. Remember the line from the New Orleans Times-Picayune editorial at Jindal. "With every decision Jindal makes, comma, the message becomes clearer to hundreds of thousands of Louisiana residents who are uninsured: The state has no interest in helping you." Well, shazam. By the time Obama and his media buddies are finished, every Republican governor will be accused of having no interest in seeing to it that you have health insurance.

There is of course one little problem with this conspiracy theory about Obama playing 11th Dimensional Chess: Republican Governors actually have to have "no interest in seeing to it that you have health insurance." See if they cared at all about their citizens, Obama's evil plot to make them look like monsters, it wouldn't work. In fact if they cared at all about the uninsured, this would be a golden opportunity for Republicans to look like heroes.

Now this is a crazy conspiracy theory because, as Rush admits in the first paragraph, the delay is to allow time to correct a minor error in the original law. But what does it say that that's what makes this crazy and not the assumption that Republicans don't care about the uninsured at all?

Riddle Me This: What Do You Want to See on Entertained Organizer?

2012-11-16T11:33:00.001-08:00

Do you have a favorite feature you want to make sure comes back? A question you've been dying to have answered? A topic you want to discuss? Or maybe just a series of clues that will lead us all on a scavenger hunt to find George Washington's wooden teeth? Let me know in the comments and I'll see what I can do.

Friendship Friday with Jimmy Olsen: The Amazing Spectacles of Dr. X!

2012-11-16T09:31:00.002-08:00

Who better to teach us about the true meaning of friendship than Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen?

Friends DON'T get angry with friends over things they haven't actually done yet.

One Sentence Review of Argo

2012-11-15T17:35:00.005-08:00

While I continue to be surprised that Ben Affleck is a legitimately good director, Argo was a tightly paced thrill ride that managed to keep me in suspense until the very end even though I already knew the outcome.

Tales from the Campaign Trail: Pizza and a Prayer

2012-11-15T12:25:00.002-08:00

Note: Actual pizza in the story was a Hawaiian.
I am a terrible journalist.

I'm a political organizer, I hope my stories entertain you (so that's where the name comes from):

It was one of my canvassers' first day. You train them, push them out into the world, and then anxiously await their return like what you'd expect if you crossed a four star general with a mother hen. And she didn't come back.

Many thoughts crossed my mind. Alien abduction. Axe murderer. Republican spy. You know, the usual. So I was fairly relieved when she called me to say that she'd locked her keys in her car. Still she was nervous, and so after taking care of my other canvassers I headed out to wait with her for Triple A. I found her sitting on a curb with a 40 minute wait time. So I did the only sane and logical thing and started grilling her on how her first canvass went.

And overall it had gone well. A little nervous at first. Lot of Not Homes. Eventually found her groove. About what you'd expect really. Except for one door. There a woman told her she was a baby murderer who would rot in the deepest pits of hell for all eternity. She handled it like a champ though, "Thank you for your time, and have a nice evening." We were still talking about it and waiting for Triple A when all of a sudden a truck pulled up and a woman hopped out:

"I saw you guys and thought you might want some pizza. And I thought you could use these."

With that she handed us a pizza and some pamphlets about "Accepting Jesus Christ as Our Personal Lord and Savior", hopped in her truck and drove off.

We stared at the pizza for a moment wondering if this was her plan to send us off to hell, and then decided we were hungry.

Wit of the Web Slinger Wednesday: Four Wheels and Flies

2012-11-14T15:22:00.002-08:00

Spider-Man is supposed to be funny, so this is kind of an abomination:

Does anyone have any idea why Spider-Man is just chilling in a dump truck in that second panel?