Ephphatha

Credit Card Companies Are Evil

2009-11-16T07:04:00.003-05:00

Oh, hail no!

My credit card company decreased my limit! They didn't even tell me. OK, they might have, but I don't open letters from them because I pay them on line. I just figured they were sending a thank-you note for me being such a dutiful customer.

I called them to see what had happened. Of course, the customer service gal did not know and read some statement about how the bank had reviewed my account and decided to decrease my limit. She said I could call TransEquifax or whatever and see what was what. Have you ever tried to call a credit report company? It is humanly impossible. I tried to press the key for vision impaired to see if I could get a live human being, but you have to have some special code.

I did more than just pay them on time and more than the minimum payment--I bailed them out! And this is how they repay me? SMH.

I cut 'em up. All of them. I'm downright frugal (again). I'ma start watching Suze Orman.

PMSBuddy

2009-11-13T10:34:00.005-05:00

I need this. To remind my damn self when I get persnickety.

PMSBuddy is a free on-line service that sends you an e mail (they're on Facebook and have an iPhone app, too--yes, there's an app for this!) when the lady in your life is entering the zone of crazy.

Of course, it's designed to help men be more sensitive to their woman's "ladies' days" (lots of ads for flowers and chocolate), but I think women can use it, too. You know how once a month you can't stand your best friend? You think she think she cute. You wonder how you became friends with such a bitch. You want to fight her in her face. PMSBuddy will remind you that both of you are PMSing.

I'm signing up right now.

Black Chinese

2009-11-12T06:39:00.002-05:00

Did you hear about this? It was on All Things Considered last night as I was driving home.

20 year-old Lou Jing is bi-racial, born of a Chinese mother and an African-American father she's never met. She was a contestant on China's American Idol-type show, Go! Oriental Angel (I thought 'oriental' was politically incorrect?).

Lou Jing boosted ratings, but she also sparked all kind of controversy about what it means to be Chinese. Some in Internet chat rooms were buzzing about how she shouldn't be allowed to represent Shanghai in the national competition because she's not really Chinese. Some said her dark skin was unattractive. Others just got downright racist.

Hearing her on the radio, I thought the girl was pure-d Chinese and figured she'd look like Kimora Simmons or something (yes, I know she's Korean-Japanese). Seeing her, I realize what a shock she must have been to China. China has 56 recognized ethnicities and mixed race isn't one of them.

"When I meet somebody for the first time," Lou Jing told Time, "they'd often ask me how I can speak Chinese so well, and I tell them 'Because I am Chinese--of course I can speak my mother tongue well.'"

Gurrrrl, I know how it is; people be axin' me how I knows my anglish so good.

I wonder how much of racism is human nature--you know, you see somebody different, you have your own issues, so you make yourself feel good by making them feel bad--and how much of it is influenced by the image of African-Americans in the global media?

And what's up with brothers planting their seed in China? Lou Jing isn't the only Chin-Noire; check out South African and Chinese Olympic hopeful, Ding Hui.

Happy Veterans Day!

2009-11-11T14:10:00.003-05:00

I came across this cool pic of some Navajo Code Takers aboard the USS Intrepid. These vets' "unbreakable code stymied the Japanese in World War II." Sadly, only 50 of the 400 men are alive today, and their average age is 84. They are trying to raise money for a museum to preserve their legacy.

Women

2009-11-11T08:36:00.003-05:00

Ok, this is silly, but it's the kind of stuff women go through.

There are four of us at work: me(43), "Mabel (36)," "Esther(29)", and "Ruth(38)." We all started pretty much around the same time five or six years ago. We haven't seen Ruth for a while because she moved to another department, then got pneumonia and has been out for months. So, really, it's me, Mabel, and Esther.

We usually hang out in the morning and go get coffee. Then we eat lunch and do the word jumble in the paper. Then around 3, we go get coffee. We email silly stuff throughout the day. And around five, we all leave, even though Mable is really the only one who gets in early enough to leave at that time--I digress.

Anyhoo, we're work friends. A clique. A posse of sorts. And, more often than not, an oasis of sanity in an insane workplace. Mabel and Ethel are new moms with toddlers around the same age. I can hack the constant mom-chatter because I like their kids.

So, this new girl joined our staff, "Tiffany (20-something)." She's a fine human being. Ethel keeps asking her to join us for lunch. In my opinion, the conversation takes a serious nosedive when this happens. It's not that Tiffany isn't a deep thinker; it's just that the discourse takes on a polite patina with a superficial sheen. We talk about clothes, the weather, dressing up for Halloween, hair, and "30 Rock," (which I do not watch).

That's all well and good, but I feel like lunch is my hour to be myself and not talk about the banal shit that passes for conversation and connection in our office everyday. When it's just me, Mabel, and Esther, we talk about relationships, race (Mabel is half-Jewish and married to a Black man), religion, the news, Dear Abby, politics, horoscopes--it's not a think tank, but it's interesting, with the easy give-and-take that comes from knowing each other a bunch of years.

What do you think? Should I just pack a cheese sandwich and a book and sit at my desk during lunch?

Getting Out Of Bed

2009-11-10T07:43:00.001-05:00

Here's the thing about depression. You're not always weeping or in despair; sometimes, you just can't do shit. I mean, you can do basic stuff, like, sit up, use the bathroom, eat Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk, but not much more than that.

When you get like that, DBT says do one thing. If it's brush your teeth, then, bam, that's something you accomplished that day. Yesterday, mine was getting the roasting pan out of the refrigerator and into the dishwasher. I did it! LOL.

I also met an old college friend for lunch. It was a good, healthy meal and uplifting conversation that reminded me of myself. The lotus still blooms, y'all. While we were waiting to be seated, I spotted this woman, pictured above. She had a serious, forever, permanent, can't-never-come-off tattoo of William Jefferson Clinton on her arm!

I politely asked her if I could take a picture and why she chose Mr. Clinton. She said she was a political junkie, and it was Clinton who got her hooked. She also said she was going to get Barack right next to it. Huh.

Guess everybody has to find something worth getting out of bed for.

No. Just No.

2009-11-09T20:24:00.004-05:00

There is a place where my love of freedom and my love of Barack clash and it is here. Fred Phelps--who is the nuttiest nut in the nuttery--and his "church" (i.e. his children) were protesting outside Malia and Sasha's school in D.C.

I lived in Kansas City for a while and Phelps is based in Topeka; I remember his "God Hates F*gs" foolishness was well known in that area. It's reported that Phelps called Malia and Sasha the "satanic spawn" of a "murderous bastard" on his website. That's Phelps' granddaughter with the sign (how does every kind of crazy procreate but me?).

I'ma be like Tom Hanks in "The Green Mile:" There is no way God would give Phelps the call or authority to do the hateful, hurtful things he does.

Barack oughta suspend the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Federalist Papers, and whatever else and declare martial law to keep this nutacular nut away from his babies.

Shrinking the Shrinks

2009-11-09T08:39:00.003-05:00

Joe Lieberman is getting on my nerves.

First, his FOXtrot on healthcare, now Lieberman is spooking people by suggesting Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hasan a "self-radicalized, home-grown terrorist." Oooh, the Mohammedans are coming! Wait, says Joe, they're already here! Lieberman needs to remember that the United States is a diverse country and that includes people of the Muslim faith and Arabic descent. He oughta know better.

It's not like Hasan was in his right mind. So far, we've learned he was isolated, lonely, possibly harassed for his faith, and inundated with horrific accounts of war. All that built up inside and led to something--extreme anger, hopelessness, depression--and he exploded by mowing down innocent people. We have an understanding of what is sane and what is not in our society. It's easy when it's something that doesn't harm us, say, public nudity; or something that disgusts us, like a taste for flame-broiled human flesh. In my opinion, killing large numbers of people falls on the side of insane.

People act like calling him mentally ill is dismissing his behavior; that's ridiculous. It's trying to understand what happened so that we can be proactive rather than reactive. Clearly, the threat of surviving the shooting spree or being court martialed wasn't enough to make Hasan rethink his actions.

What's interesting to me is that he was a psychiatrist. And while psychiatrists aren't any wackier than the rest of the population, they are, it seems, less likely to seek help. Wayne State University professor Richard Baylon surveyed 567 psychiatrists in Michigan. Fifteen percent said that they had treated themselves for depression; forty-three percent said they would treat themselves for mild depression; and seven percent said they would treat themselves even if they were suicidal.

According to Psychologist Ira Rosofsky, some of the reluctance to seek help by psychiatrists is to "keep a clean malpractice insurance record." Another reason he gives is to avoid licensing problems. But the overall stigma of mental illness is even more acute for mental health professionals. So, they don't get the help they need.

Crazy, isn't it?

Huh.

2009-11-08T08:30:00.001-05:00

Anybody seen "Precious?" LOL.

I was talking to a friend of mine, let's call him, "Carmine Ragusso." He called me, asked me how I was doing. I told him I was in heaven because a) I spent my down payment on a house at a Bead and Gem Show (it's an investment in my business) and b) AMC was airing "The Godfather", Pts. I, II, and III (I couldn't bring myself to watch Pt. III). That's six hours of goodfella goodness.

I guess because "The Godfathers" are two of my favorite movies, I expected Carmine to start enthusiastically quoting the movie--"I know it was you, Fredo! You broke my heart!" Instead, he said, "Never saw it."

I'm like, dude, you got four grandparents that came over here from Italy and your name could be the special of the day at any Italian restaurant--you've never even seen it? I talked about the stellar cast (DeNiro, Brando, Pacino--Italians!); the film's significance in early '70's cinema; Coppola's use of parallel action (I think that's what it is), Catholic ritual, his homage to Eisenstein--

No. Carmine wasn't having it. He disliked the film he never saw because it glamorized organized crime and caused the casting of aspersions on Italian-Americans. He said he was tired of people hearing his name and assuming he or some member of his family was in the Mob. Then he went on, in detail, about how destructive the mafia and pathological mafiosos really are.

Kinda like how I feel about "Precious."

I understand.

Hmm...

2009-11-08T00:17:00.009-05:00

Um...I don't follow baseball, but, er, why is Sammy Sosa white?

He went from his brown-skinned, brown eyed, Jheri curl-having self to a Julian Bond-colored, green eyed, Rudolph Valentino-haired man.

He says it's a skin-rejuvenation process he undergoing.

Hmm.

Pushing "Precious"

2009-11-06T07:38:00.002-05:00

Sapphire's red and black paperback book, Push, is getting passed around my office. People have heard that it's the book the film "Precious" is based on. Maybe it's my imagination, but people who traditionally enjoy movies like "Mall Cop" and "Bride Wars" are talking about going to see it. The majority of people in my office are white.

I am having trouble with this. Like bristling, from-my-gut anger.

First, I just don't do well with issues of sexual abuse, hence, therapy. I remember I was living in NYC when Push came out in the mid-nineties. I was unfazed by the fuss over it; from what I could gather, it had already been done and done better in The Color Purple.

Second, why, I wonder, does a movie about a fictional, barely-literate, obese Black teen mother who is on welfare and physically and sexually abused by her parents get made? It's about hope, KellyBelle, overcoming stuff; your people have —stop right there.

As an avid reader and sometime writer, I am fascinated by the unsung African-Americans in history. I would love to know what Minniijean Brown's day was like before she poured that bowl of chili on that white boy's head and reduced the Little Rock Nine to eight. I want to know how Denise McNair's mother survived the loss of her child in the bombing of 16th Street Baptist. I co-wrote a play and spent time letting my imagination run wild thinking about how Harriet Tubman felt sneaking back to slavery to take her husband up north, brand-new custom made suit for him in hand, and finding him shacked up with another woman.

My friend, Nikki, says nobody, least of all Black people, want to see movies about slavery. I guess "Roots" was a fluke. I think —I know — there are stories in our history that are every bit as compelling as "Sophie's Choice," "Schindler's List," "Braveheart," "Dances With Wolves," "Gandhi" and other epic historical cinema. Has Tyler Perry and co. numbed and dumbed us down so that we won't go to see anything but the most perverse and pathological pictures of ourselves?

Third, Lee Daniels. I don't know the man. I have never seen his work and I'm pretty sure I won't go to see "Precious," so maybe it's not entirely fair that I speak on him. I do know he produced "Monster's Ball" and produced and directed "Precious."

Like I said, I haven't seen either, so (lovingly) correct me if I'm wrong. But those are two very provocative portrayals of African-American women. I'm all for seeing multi-dimensional images of us on screen. But can't there be balance? Do we have to go from being stern judges and trusty nurses to being self-hating whores and teen aged welfare mothers? The buzz I hear about "Precious" comes mostly from white people and that unnerves me. It's like the book and the movie are an amalgam of every negative stereotype about Black women, allowing people to wallow in their prejudices and then be absolved with some manner of uplifting, hope-filled ending. Ick.

Then, there is something Daniels said, both in New York Magazine and on Teri Gross' Fresh Air, about "Precious" lead actress, Gabby Sidibe:

"She is uneqivocally comfortable in her body, in a very bizarre way. Either she is in a state of denial, or she is so elevated, she is on another level. I had no doubt in my mind that she had four or five boyfriends, easily."

As I said, he said it twice, almost word for word. Perhaps I am disturbed by this because I have self-image issues my damn self, but why does a Black woman who loves herself and believes herself worthy of good love--regardless of whether or not she conforms to European standards of beauty--have to be delusional? As I posted two days ago, if I met Gabby, I'd sit at her feet and try to learn something because she's got a bodhi tree somewhere.

I know this was a lot to post about a movie I'm not even gonna see, but the thought of it stirred something up in me.

A Mental Health Professional Snaps

2009-11-05T21:29:00.005-05:00

Major Nidal Malik Hasan, an army psychiatrist, survived the shooting rampage he went on at Fort Hood, Texas that killed twelve people and wounded 31. It was, according to the Wall Street Journal, "one of the Army's worst single-day losses of life" since the start of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

I'm sorry for the senseless loss of life and the families left behind.

Hasan completed a fellowship in disaster and preventive psychiatry earlier this year. Preventive psychiatry is pretty much what sounds like, a branch of psychiatry "dedicated to the prevention of mental illness and the promotion of mental health."
I got nothing.

Psychiatrists usually go through stringent mental health evaluations themselves and Hasan had just finished intensive work in preventing the very kind of breakdown he had. Of course, people are bringing up his Muslim faith and its relation to his imminent deployment to Iraq. ("I wish his last name was Smith," an unidentified Army Officer's wife told ABC News.)

I just don't know.

Gabourey Sidibe

2009-11-04T08:13:00.001-05:00

I didn't see "Schindler's List" until six years after it came out. And I stayed up all night, crying over that little girl in the red coat. So, no, I am not going to see "Precious." My nerves are too bad.

And that's a shame, because I adore Gabourey "Gabby" Sidibe. Listen at what she said in an article in New York magazine:

“I learned to love myself, because I sleep with myself every night and I wake up with myself every morning, and if I don’t like myself, there’s no reason to even live the life. I love the way I look. I’m fine with it. And if my body changes, I’ll be fine with that.”

But, Kellybelle, you might be saying, she weighs 350lbs.--what about diabetes, high blood pressure, osteoporosis, cancer?! I say, we all gotta die of something.

And I think Gabby has a better shot of truly living because of her fierce love of self. I could just sit at her feet and listen to her teach me how to love myself in a world that seems to negate everything I am. She could be my Dalai Mama.

Do your thing, Queen.

Unrehabilitated, pt. 2

2009-11-03T21:56:00.007-05:00

This annoyed me.

The Cleveland police found more bodies and a skull at Anthony Sowell's house for a total of 11 people dead.

I got a comment from "Anonymous" saying people like me were the problem, whining because this man didn't get to "take a class" in prison. Yeah, I talked about Anonymous' mama in my reply.

Anthony Sowell committed a rape. He was sentenced to 15 years. He served all fifteen and released. Then he raped and killed 11 people. To me, it's simple: the man went into prison a rapist and he came out a rapist, a kidnapper, and a mass murderer.

How is asking what went wrong with our prison system "whining?"

Had Sowell been in the kind of intensive therapy a sex offender needs, perhaps a prison psychiatrist would have been able to see the signs that he was still a danger to the community. (I don't know what they could have done, given that he had served his time).

Instead, he comes home under the radar and goes on a drug-fueled raping and killing spree in the African-American community for four years.

Heck, yeah I wanna know how this cat got that way. I want to know how he got out. I want to know how close to schools he lived. I want to know who those eleven women are.

Duh.

Unrehabilitated

2009-11-03T10:13:00.006-05:00

I remember a presidential debate a while back--I think it was Al Gore and George W. Bush. Anyway, the moderator asked W. something about the men who dragged James Byrd to his death. W. got all twitchy and a little gleeful and said, ''The three men who -- who murdered James Byrd. Guess what's going to happen to them? They're going to be put to death. A jury found them guilty and -- it's going to be hard to punish them any worse after they get put to death."

I thought of W.'s cluelessness as I read this morning's Plain Dealer at the stop lights. the paper said Anthony Sowell (above), the man convicted of rape and in whose home Cleveland police found six dead bodies, was repeatedly denied parole because of "the serious nature" of his crime. It also says Sowell did not receive sex-offender treatment, even though he requested it.

So the prison industrial complex had enough sense to keep Sowell locked up, but not enough to help heal him while he was incarcerated. Six dead bodies says that was a bad call.

W. 's "Texas Solution" to crime--the focus on punishment and not the person--is how most people see criminals. They are people to be thrown away-- locked up and, if necessary, executed. But what happens when they re-enter the community? Something like six thousand ex-offenders return to Cuyahoga County every year. Sure, you do the crime, you do the time. But our prisons are inhumane and violent ( rape and sexual abuse are rampant) with little emphasis on rehabilitation--do you want those raw and angry souls released back into your community without therapy?

The PD says Sowell tried to help himself. He took courses to help him with his anger "Living without Violence," "Cage your Rage," and "Positive Personal Change."

Gee, why didn't they just give him a copy of The Secret?!

The man had a serious mental problem. He knew he needed help. He also joined Alcoholics Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and "Drug Awareness Prevention." He asked for help. He didn't get it.

Instead of focusing on the gory details of Sowell's murdering spree, I hope someone at the Plain Dealer investigates the Ohio Prison system (one of the largest in the country) to see if there's some way to make serving time about preparing people to re-enter society and not "Oz."

Or they could put a whole bunch of new half-way houses in Rocky River. That'd be something!

On-line Agony

2009-11-03T08:01:00.001-05:00

What a surefire way of getting on my nerves? Talking smack about Barack.

Not even good, easily-refuted smack--you know, like FOX or Orly Taitz. I'm talking crazy, anarchist, so-far-left-you're-wrong, nutty smack.

I swear, I don't know how anybody finds anybody on-line. It has degenerated to a bunch of socially inept people trying to find their equally socially inept mates. I'm including myself, too.

So, on-line, me and this one dude have both read Atlas Shrugged. We're both into trying to be better people. He's got a hippie vibe to him. I thought we might could--I dunno--be friends? See where it goes?

Dude turns out to be FMB in white face (he's freakishly tall, too). He hates everything. Obama is a puppet this and the government is run by an Ivy League cartel that. Of course, he says, maybe I had access to different "programming" than he, as I went to a dreaded Ivy League school. He said that to me! Me, granddaughter of a coal miner, great-great granddaughter of slaves! Chattel, y'all!

He can get lost in all the objectivism he wants (wasn't it part of me, Barack and Michelle's "rational self-interest" to go to Harvard when we got in?!) but sitting around railing at the "system"--the same system that got him a computer, a digital camera, and clothes, as I gather from his on-line profile--makes no sense.

Click delete.

LOL, I am determined to find a healthy, loving relationship.

Freaky Cleveland

2009-11-02T08:04:00.002-05:00

Ok, I'ma be judgemental.

You know Maine is going to vote on Gay marriage tomorrow. I am wondering, who are all these people who think heterosexuals are doing such a bang up job with marriage?

Nobody, no one, want to be married more than me. But the longer I live, I'm starting to think people just aren't capable of marriage. Oh, sure, you get married and you're all distracted by the fun of planning a wedding. That wears off, then you have a couple kids to distract you. They leave the nest and, the next thing you know, you can't stand that bastard sitting across from the table every morning slurping his corn flakes.

Ok, so I'm on my quest, looking for a kind, smart, mentally stable, decent man. A friend recommends this dating site to me; it's where he found his fiancee. I rush to my computer and set up a profile. I put in my requirements. A man comes up. He's Black, college educated, likes his women with some meat on their bones, really, really into marriage. Know how I know?

Because he's married!

His wife is a BBW, only the second "b" stands for bi-sexual. They're looking for a long term relationship for their marriage.

I know what you're saying, Kellybelle, yesterday, you told us to have compassion for a mass-murdering rapist and now you wanna judge some Cleveland swingers?

Hey, if you're happy, I'm happy. What goes on in your bedroom is your business. But when I am looking for Mr. Right, don't come up in my search! And who is this hefty heffa who can't just be happy married, she gotta have errrbody? (I like saying that.) That's just not fair.

I'm just saying, let Gay people get married; they cannot mess it up anymore than we already have.

Who knew Cleveland was so freaky?

Anthony Sowell

2009-11-01T19:13:00.006-05:00

Went to church today. We had a great guest speaker, Andrew Harvey. He's a controversial for some, but I dug his passion and his five point plan for what he calls "sacred activism." Sacred activism is when your passion for God and your passion for justice explode in your soul and you are motivated to make the world a better place. I can dig that.

The first point was simple and at least as old as Deuteronomy: Love God. Love Him until you dance with joy. The third point is: love your neighbor--and you know who Jesus said your neighbor was--errrbody. The second is the one Christianity often glosses over, which is a shame because it's essential for the third point: Love yourself.

I don't remember the last two points. Probably because I floated out of church in a holy haze and got in my car and called my aunt, as I often do. I love my aunt to death, but she's got a negative streak that works my nerves sometimes.

"Did you hear about that nigger in Cleveland?" She asked after I told her I'd just left church where I had been given a five point plan for saving the world. She said 'nigger' the way old Black people from the South talk about African-Americans who embarrass the race. "You know, Black peoples didn't used to do things like that. I hope they strang 'im up!"

She was talking about Anthony Sowell, the 50-year-old convicted sex offender who was arrested after six dead bodies were found in his home. Police went to Sowell's address after a woman told police she had been drinking with Sowell when he punched, strangled, and raped her.

Sigh. You know where I'm going here.

First, how the hell did he get a date?! (I know that is wrong, but it did cross my mind as I was reading the newspaper this morning.)

Second, what happened? 50 years ago, Sowell was a little baby in a blue blanket, smelling like baby powder and Pampers. What happened to turn him into a rapist and a murderer?

And don't say, "What about the victims, KellyBelle?" I care so much about the victims, I want to know what went horribly wrong in Sowell's mind, so if there is another little boy out there right now undergoing the same thing, someone can stop it and save six lives in the future.

It's easy to call this man a "nigger," a monster, a freak. But when you love God and truly love yourself--I'm not talking about vanity or narcissism--you can't look at another human being without seeing some of yourself and God in him. So when someone does something that is not of God and is definitely something you wouldn't do, you stop and ask how did we create a world where this is possible? Where a baby grows up to drink, drug, rape and kill?

I'm just asking.

I Hate Halloween

2009-10-31T13:54:00.004-04:00

I am not about to wish you and anybody else a Happy Halloween. Halloween has got on my natural nerves.

Now, if you are a pagan or wiccan or something like that, and Halloween is your chance to get in touch with your beliefs--I have no beef with you. But if you are grown-ass grown and treating today like it's the Second Coming, I'm talking to you.

I have a friend, we'll call her "Clarissa," who has already taken her 20 month old to three malls, two hayrides, and various other put-on-a-costume-and-walk-around events. Already! I teased her and said she needed to get a Halloween advent calendar so she could just spend the whole month of October in ghoulish anticipation of the big day. I'm afraid to ask her child when Jesus was born, because I know she's gonna say, "Halloween!"

All I've heard at work for the past three weeks were ideas for "family" costumes--you know how the whole family is going to dress up. "We could be the Captain and Tenille and the baby could be the piano!" "We could all wear Snuggies!" and on and on.

And don't hide behind that "it's-all-for-the-kids." It's estimated that hard-working folk spend $4.75 billion on Halloween--and that's downsized from last year's $5.77 billion before the recession got good and in our pocketbooks. Really? 4 billion dollars on a day that used to be for little kids to go get some fun-sized Snickers from the neighbors?

Fine. Dress up like Hannibal Lecter and get drunk all you want. But why not have a party and ask people to bring canned goods for the local city mission or, kick it old school and collect money for UNICEF or something? I mean, you're already spending billions.

Boo, Halloween, boo.

Tenacious or...Trifling?

2009-10-30T07:34:00.001-04:00

Ok, I have a friend, let's call her "Gretchen." She was determined to get the H1N1 (swine flu) shot, but it is currently only being given to pregnant women and children. Gretchen went to the hospital anyway and, when they asked her if she was pregnant? She said, "Yes." Gretchen is not pregnant.

Hey, at least she didn't dress up in Garanimals and carry a giant lollipop.

PlayBelle and I were working on a paper for school about media coverage. The research she found said the news does a poor job of disseminating important information. They've got an "if it bleeds, it leads" mentality that boosts ratings and scares the bejeesus out of people like Gretchen. The news would rather feature stories about the vaccine shortage and the 6 million new cases than report the facts.

Charlie Gibson scared the heck out of me, he said something about using caterpillars to make the vaccine instead of egg yolks. I said, "Oh, hell, no--I'm not getting a caterpillar swine flu shot!" even though I have no idea how vaccines are made. SMH.

So, in lying to get the vaccine, was Gretchen tenacious...or trifling?

Arshon Baker

2009-10-29T07:04:00.001-04:00

I didn't want to blog about this—my nerves are bad— but there's one part that's been on my mind since my friend ShawnsandLisa mentioned it to me.

Arshon Baker, 5, tugged on his mother's dress, while she was doing another woman's hair. His mother, Angel Glass, 24, responded by beating him with a brush, a belt, then slamming his head against a piece of furniture. Arshon slipped into a coma before dying a few hours later.

Angel Glass gave birth to Arshon while she was in prison. Glass has two other children, ages 7 and 11 months, and is pregnant with a fourth, who will likely be born in prison, too.

Arnetta Fitzgerald, Glass' mother, told Plain Dealer columnist Phillip Morris: "I wish I would have never named her Angel. I started to name her Brenda. But she was born on Christmas day. I thought she was a present. I was wrong. I think I cursed my daughter with that name. She is no angel."

Whatever.

I'm not feeling much sympathy for Fitzgerald, a 44-year old grandmother (one year older than me!). The media will focus on Angel Glass, they'll paint her as a monster who killed her child. But Angel Glass didn't just spring to life ex nihilo. I'm looking at her mama.

Aside from being deeply saddened by Arshon's murder, here's what gnawed at me about this story: Fitzgerald told Morris that when Angel called her from city jail after killing Arshon, "She told me that she knew that I hated her. I told her that I didn’t. I told her that I just didn’t like her ways."

You raise a child who grows up feeling hated, is a mother by 17, a felon by 19, a murderer by 24? You, Arnetta Fitzgerald, are just as guilty of Arshon's abuse and death as your daughter.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not absolving Angel Glass of her heinous crime. But I am so tired of piss-poor parents passing their pathology down from generation to generation. Angel Glass was born perfect; all she need to grow was food, shelter, and love. She did not get that.

Where did Glass learn beating a child with a belt or an electric cord was ok? Where did Glass learn having absolutely no control of your emotions was acceptable? And if Fitzgerald couldn't be a mother to her own daughter, she could have at least stepped in and protected her grandchildren from what she'd created.

SMH.

Help Me Pick A Book!

2009-10-28T08:14:00.000-04:00

PlayBelle wants to read! (Hear that? That's me jumping up and down.)

She wants to improve her comprehension and I've told her the only way to do that is to read. She wants to read a book together and discuss it. (I am doing the Snoopy dance!)

The spinster school marm in me is thinking The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison, The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Alex Haley, or Kindred by Octavia Butler. She likes action and slavery. I wish there was a friendly readable biography of Harriet Tubman, but alas.

How about Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown? It's gritty, action-packed, inspiring, always on the top of the Essence book charts, but literary-like. Ooh, how about Invisible Life by E. Lynn Harris? I just want her to get excited about a book that isn't by Zane or a hootchie-golddigger-ganstaboo book.

So tell me, what book should I pick to make PlayBelle fall madly, passionately in love with reading for the rest of her life?

China to Execute Mentally Ill Man

2009-10-27T08:03:00.001-04:00

I'm all confused about China.

As a jewelry maker, China is the best place to get cheap, cheap, cheap gems and beads. And, Lord knows, there would be no Wal-Mart, Nike, faux Louis Vuitton, and bootleg movies without China's presence in the global economy. I'm reading about the Dalai Lama and I'm not really feeling they way China snatched Tibet back in the day.

But the way they're treating Akmal Shaikh is shameful.

Shaikh is a mentally-ill British citizen. He has bi-polar disorder. After a breakdown in 2003, Shaikh went to Poland without a cent to his name to start an airline. There, he met someone who promised him he could record the song he was sure would establish world peace (lyrics: "come little rabbit, come to me"). Long story short, the fake music impresario and Shaikh head to China and fake music impresario puts 4 kilos of heroin in Shaikh's suitcase. Yikes.

Now China wants to put Shaikh to death.

China's capital punishment system makes Texas look like judicial mercy. China performs 140 executions a week by a single bullet or lethal injection. You can get sentenced and killed in the same day. But as serious as China is about capital punishment, executing the mentally ill--which Shaikh clearly is--is morally repugnant.

British actor Stephen Fry, who also battles bi-polar, is pleading with the Chinese government to spare Shaikh's life. He told the BBC that this was "a real case where China can demonstrate that it does understand that mental illness can provoke people into doing things that are otherwise intolerable." Amnesty International is also working for Shaikh's release.

God bless Fry for speaking out and standing up for someone with mental illness.

Boo, China, boo!

All the Lonely People

2009-10-25T10:57:00.006-04:00

My therapist says I'm actually quite good at sussing men out; my problem is I date them even after I know what's wrong with them.

So, I meet this guy for coffee. Let's call him "Sherman." Sherman interested me because he was not from Cleveland and we both had spent a lot of time in Boston. Also, he was Black and Jewish. Real "chosen-people" Jewish, not those Hebrew Israelites who baptised Whitney Houston. I thought this was a sign of some kind of introspection or a deep spiritual quest.

Turns out, Sherm is bi-racial, only really, really dark with very, very African features. His mother was Jewish so, technically, he is, too. He says, "People look at me and say there's no way you're bi-racial and I say 'Fuck you--you don't know my mother!'" Sherm is...a little brash.

Our one hour date turns into three hours. We laugh and laugh. We discuss lots of stuff. Sherm is smart but very cynical. He thinks I'm a bit of a Pollyanna in my beliefs about love, social justice, and the best of human nature. He does not suffer fools. He thinks most people here are "morons" and "retards." He thinks money is pretty important. He doesn't have a lot of friends and he is not close to his remaining family (his mother passed). He also thinks a relationship can start with sex and intimacy will grow out of that.

The biggest telltale sign for me is that talking to or spending time with Sherm leaves me completely drained. After talking to him on the phone, I literally needed a beer to come down. After meeting him for coffee, my energy didn't return to normal until I'd gone to the yoga center and done some kirtan singing. Not good.

I'm too old for that. I can't "fix him" as my therapist says. After my last disastership, I need someone whose bearing is so infused with kindness and compassion, I feel the presence of God. You think I'm kidding?

So, thanks for the coffee and the convo, Sherm, but I'll pass.

I can't wait to tell Dr. Get-My-Head-Right.

Good Hair

2009-10-24T09:00:00.003-04:00

Last night, me and a couple of happily, nappily-coiffed sistergirls went to see Chris Rock's new documentary, "Good Hair." It was an eye-opener.

A lot of people in Hollywood have weaves. A lot. I'm not that great of a weave detective; I thought Nia Long just had ~~good hair~~, ~~Indian in her~~, naturally long hair.

But that wasn't the eye-opening part. You know all them nice/nasty folks that won't let you drink behind them, don't eat just anybody's potato salad/greens/spaghetti and are funny about whose bathroom they use? Well, if they got a head full of human hair weave or braids, take them to see this movie. They will throw up a little in their mouths.

Chris went to India and showed where they get the hair from. I guess I just thought women in Third World countries were sitting around washing their hair with Pantene, waiting to harvest it and collect money from selling it to the U.S.. No, no.

These folks--men, women, babies--show up at the temple to have their heads shaved for religious reasons. It's called tonsure. There's no washing, no Pantene-- just sticky, sweaty people getting their heads shaved with a straight razor. Then the hair falls onto the floor. The same floor where people's feet have been trodding. The same feet that have walked through the streets of India. Then they put it all in a bag and take it to the hair man.

In addition to looking mighty unsanitary, this hair is supposed to be a sacrifice to God. To turn around and sell it to a stripper or video girl or to perpetuate negative, oppressive myths about Black beauty just seems wrong.

And then there were people who were putting relaxers in children's hair. I mean, two and three year olds. If you are too lazy to comb your child's hair and put it in those three free-wheeling braids (two in the back and one on top) don't have children. Don't put chemicals that can eat through a Pepsi can on a little girl's scalp.

There were more white people at the movie than I expected. Maybe Chris Rock was the draw. Anyway, I liked the movie. It made me want to shake my locs. It also made me want to grab the little girl in every Black woman I know and tell them they are beautiful, just the way the good Lord made them. Sigh.

All natural table of beautiful Black women.