Epi Files

20 Things I Wish I Had Known When Starting Out in Life

2010-06-12T23:22:00.000+08:00

by Leo Babauta, Zen Habits

“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” - Jean-Paul Sartre

I’m nearly 35 years old, and I’ve made my share of mistakes in my life. I’m not a big believer in regrets … and I have learned tremendously from every single mistake … and my life is pretty great.
However, there are a few things I wish I had known when I was graduating from high school and starting out as an adult in life.

Would I change things? I’m not so sure. I might never have gotten into a mountain of debt, but then I wouldn’t have learned the amazing satisfaction of getting out of it. I might have made better career choices, but then I wouldn’t have all the work experience that makes me the blogger and writer that I am today.

I might not have gotten married that first time, so that I would never have gotten divorced … but then I wouldn’t have my first two beautiful wonderful incredible children from that first marriage.

I don’t think I would change any of that. However, looking back, there are some lessons I’ve learned that I would probably tell my 18-year-old self. Do I share them now to share my regrets? No, I share them in hopes that younger men and women, just starting out in life, can benefit from my mistakes and my lessons.

What follows isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s one that I hope proves useful to at least a few people.

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” - Jack Handey

How to control impulse spending. If there’s anything that got me in trouble financially, it’s impulse spending. Buying clothes when I don’t need them. Buying gadgets because I gotta have them. Ordering stuff online because it’s so easy. Buying that new shiny SUV because … well, because it was going to help me with women. I’m not proud of any of that. I’ve learned to control my impulses, at least a little better. Now, I give myself some time to breathe. I think over my purchases, see if I’ve got the money, think about whether it’s a need or a want. That would have been a useful tool 15 years ago.

You gotta stay active. I was in track, cross country and basketball in high school, but once I started college, the running and basketball began to slowly fade away. Not right away — I played pick-up basketball for years after high school. But even that went away, until I became sedentary. Playing with my kids outdoors winded me. And I began to get fat. I’ve reversed that trend, and am very active now, but I’m still trying to burn the fat I gained in those inactive years.

How to plan finances. I always knew that I was supposed to budget and track my spending, when I became an adult. I just was too lazy to do it. And I didn’t have a good idea of how to actually do it. Now, I’ve learned how to plan, and how to stick to that plan. Sure, I deviate from my plan, but I’ve learned how to handle that too. Maybe that’s not a skill you can learn from book reading. You just gotta practice. Well, I hope to teach it to my children before they go out on their own.

Junk food will come back to bite you in the butt. Yeah, it wasn’t just the sedentary lifestyle that got me fat. It was all the damn junk food too. I would eat pizza and burgers and Twinkies and sugar cereal and desserts and donuts and … well, you get the picture. As someone used to being able to eat whatever I wanted, it never seemed like it would be a problem. Bad health was something to worry about when you got old. Well, my jeans began to get way too tight, and to my horror, I climbed several pants sizes and developed a gut that only now is going away. I wish someone had shown me an “after” picture when I was young and downing the Big Gulp sodas.

Smoking is just dumb. I didn’t start smoking until I was well into my adult years. I won’t go into why I started, but it didn’t seem like a problem, because I knew I could quit anytime I wanted. Or I thought I could, at least, until several years later I gave it a go and couldn’t do it. Five failed quits later and I realized with horror that my addiction was stronger than I was. Sure, I eventually beat the habit (quit date: Nov. 18, 2005) but it took a piece of my soul to do it.

Fund your retirement, son. And don’t withdraw it. This piece of wisdom, and probably all the ones above, might seem blisteringly obvious. And they are. Don’t think I didn’t know this when I was 18. I did. I just didn’t pay it serious attention. Retirement was something I could worry about when I was in my 30s. Well, I’m in my 30s now and I wish I could slap that little 18-year-old Leo around a bit. What money I could have invested by now! I had a retirement plan, but on the 3 occasions when I changed jobs, I withdrew that and spent it frivolously.

All the stuff you’re doing that seems hard — it will be of use. This is the first one that might not be as obvious. There were times in my life when work was hard, and I did it anyway, but hated it. I did it because I had to, but boy did it stress me out and leave me exhausted. Hard work isn’t as easy as I wanted it to be. But you know what? Every bit of hard work I did without knowing why I was doing it … it’s paid off for me in the long run. Maybe not right away, but I’m using skills and habits I learned during those times of high stress and long hours and tedious work — I use them all the time, and they’ve made me into the person I am today. Thank you, younger Leo!

Don’t buy that used van without checking it out closely. I thought I was being smart by buying used, but I didn’t check it out carefully enough. That dang van had loads of engine problems, a door that nearly fell off when I was driving, a door handle that snapped off, a side mirror that fell off, no spare tire despite three tires that were ready to blow (and did), windows that didn’t roll up, rattling noises, an eventual blown radiator … I could go on and on, but let’s just say that it wasn’t my best purchase. I still think buying used is smart, but check things out closely first.

That guy you’re going to sell your car to? On a gentleman’s agreement? He’s not gonna pay you. I sold another car to a friend of a friend, who I was sure would pay me even if I had nothing in writing. That was smart. I still see the guy once in awhile on the road, but I don’t have the energy to do a U-turn and chase after him.

Make time to pursue your passion, no matter how busy you are. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and get a book published. I just never had time to write. With a family and school and a full-time job, there just weren’t enough hours in the day. Well, I’ve learned that you have to make those hours. Set aside a block of time to do what you love, cut out other stuff from your life that take up your time, and don’t let anything interfere with that work. If I had done that 15 years ago, I could have 15 books written by now. Not all would be great, but still.

All that stuff that’s stressing you out — it won’t matter in 5 years, let alone 15. When things are happening to you right now, they mean all the world. I had deadlines and projects and people breathing down my neck, and my stress levels went through the roof. I don’t regret the hard work (see above) but I think I would have been less stressed if I could have just realized that it wouldn’t matter a single bit just a few years down the road. Perspective is a good thing to learn.

The people you make friends with are so much more important than your job or the things you buy. I’ve had a few jobs, I’ve bought a lot of things, and I’ve made a few friends over these last 15 years. Of those, the only thing that still matter to me are the friends. And I wish I could have spent more time with friends (and family) than on the other things.

All that time you spend watching TV is a huge, huge waste of time. I don’t know how much TV I’ve watched over the years, but it’s a crapload. Hours and days and weeks I’ll never have back. Who cares what happens on reality TV, when reality is slipping by outside? Time is something you’ll never get back — don’t waste it on TV.

Your kids are going to grow up way faster than you think. Don’t waste a minute. I just had an Oh My God moment recently. My oldest daughter, Chloe, is 14 going on 15 next month. I have 3 years left with her before she leaves my house and becomes an adult. Three years! I am floored by that single fact, because it really doesn’t seem anywhere near enough time. I want to go back to my younger self and whack that younger Leo on the head and say Stop working so hard! Stop watching TV! Spend more time with your kids! These last 15 years with Chloe (and my other wonderful kids) have gone by much, much too fast.

Forget the drama. Focus on being happy. There have been many things that have happened to me, professionally and personally, that seem like the end of the world. And while these things were bad, they get blown up in our heads so that they become major drama. They caused me to be depressed from time to time. What a waste of time. If I realized that it was all in my head, and that I could be happy instead if I focused on the positive, on what I did have, and what I could be doing … I could have skipped all the moping about.

Pay more attention to blogs when you first hear about them. They’re more than just journals. I first read about blogs 7-8 years ago, but when I took a look at them they didn’t seem like anything of interest. Just some people’s journals about stuff they read on the web. Why would I want to read those? I have my own thoughts about the web, but I don’t need to share them with the world. I spent a lot of time on the Internet, on various sites and forums, but every time I happened upon a blog I would brush past it without interest. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I discovered what wonderful things they could be (I mentioned some of my early favorites in my list of influences). If I had gotten into blogging years ago … well, I wouldn’t have been wasting all that time.

Speaking of which, keep a journal. Seriously. Your memory is extremely faulty. I forget things really easily. Not short-term stuff, but long-term. I don’t remember things about my kids’ early years, because I didn’t record any of it. I don’t remember things about my life. It’s like a lot of foggy memories that I’ll never have access to. I wish I had kept a journal.

Tequila is seriously evil. I won’t go into details, but it should suffice to say that I had some bad experiences, and I’m not sure I learned very much from them or benefited in any way except to learn that tequila is the drink of the Devil.

Yes, you can do a marathon. Don’t put this goal off — it’s extremely rewarding. Running a marathon had always been a dream of mine, since high school … something I wanted to do but thought was out of reach. Or if I ever did it, it would be years and years later. Well, I learned that it’s not only achievable, it’s incredibly rewarding. I wish I had started training when I was young and light and fit … I could have had some good finishing times!

All these mistakes you’re going to make, despite this advice? They’re worth it. My 18-year-old self would probably have read this post and said, “Good advice!” And then he would have proceeded to make the same mistakes, despite good intentions. I was a good kid, but I wasn’t good at following advice. I had to make my own mistakes, and live my own life. And that’s what I did, and I don’t regret a minute of it. Every experience I’ve had (even the tequila ones) have led me down the path of life to where I am today. I love where I am today, and wouldn’t trade it for another life for all the world. The pain, the stress, the drama, the hard work, the mistakes, the depression, the hangovers, the debt, the fat … it was all worth it.

“Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” - Mark Twain

Stop Planning & Start Discovering Your Self

2010-06-10T23:02:00.003+08:00

Another quality post of Kent Thune, Author of The Financial Philosopher

You labor to fill the day with activities; you create more tasks for tomorrow than the ones you have completed today; you hyper-intentionally force productivity (yet you have not defined what it is that you are trying to produce); you make plans to make more money; you make career plans; you make retirement plans; and you make plans to make more plans….
But where are you going and what are you becoming? Are you merely surviving the day or are you living it?

“It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a sick society.” ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

If you are normal (and normal is not healthy), you are struggling with the tension between who you are and the silent pressures of social conventions. As a Chinese Proverb says, “Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” This may not be a conscious struggle but it is certainly one that is being fought; all at the expense of your self.

“The greatest hazard of all, losing one’s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss — an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. — is sure to be noticed.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Your authentic self is slowly and quietly being covered by outside influences. Social conventions tell you to study business (not the arts), find a career that pays well, buy things, make more money, buy more things, save for retirement, stop working, and die at age 74. Sounds depressing and deterministic doesn’t it?
But this is not you… Or is it? Surely this is not a description of The Change Blog reader, or the blogger who writes about personal development, or the person who lives and breathes the habits of Zen… Or is it?
Social conventions need not be those of your parents!
There are plenty of modern behaviors and distractions, including social media, for example, taking you farther away from your self every day: You seek to be inspired — you seek to make some kind of change — or perhaps you seek to inspire others to change. Do blogs, Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn help you to find yourself or do they provide short bursts of inspiration that are consumed quickly, leaving you hungry for more? They may help you to harness the power of now, but do they carry you forward to the next moment?
There is an ever-present deluge of information and messages telling you to “be somebody;” but is this somebody you? Are you perpetuating this message by telling others to be somebody?

“Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it. What is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside.” ~ Ramana Maharishi

We are all told (and often believe) that happiness is manufactured and productivity is created; but happiness and productivity are not creations — they are results: Like happiness, productivity “happens” and each is a natural byproduct of being and becoming the authentic self. If, for example, you enjoy what you do, you are naturally willing to spend more time and energy on the particular activity… and be quite good at it! You therefore become self-fulfilled and contented; thus you spend even more time and energy on the activity. This is true, radiating and self-feeding happiness and productivity… and it all begins with self-knowledge and self-awareness — not from the study of others’ habits.

“Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.” ~ Ayn Rand

Another silent and distracting message coming from social conventions occurs and recurs in the world of personal finance. For example, the ultimate financial illusion (I mean objective!) is financial freedom. The abstract meaning of financial freedom is the acquisition of a sum of money large enough to replace income earned during your working years. This idea of freedom is that your accumulated money will enable you to stop working and begin acting as your self. But why must you stop working? Why must you wait decades to become your self? Why not be your self and work? Is this not true freedom, being the self?
Conflicted, myself, between the financial and the philosopher, I began to ask myself questions: Can freedom be procured by financial means? Are there not people who consider themselves rich and free, yet they are in financial poverty? In contrast, are there not those who are financially wealthy but enslaved by physical world pursuits? Why must one sacrifice two-thirds of their life working in a career they do not love to reach a monetary goal, then discover that money is not the answer to life’s questions? I stopped using financial planning software for clients and prospective clients last year because all it did was generate dozens of pages of reports that implicitly stated that the client must use their life as a tool for a money plan. This is backwards! Money is a tool for a life plan!

“A human being is a deciding being.” ~ Viktor Frankl

I discovered that all planning, whether it is financial, retirement, career or even for a vacation or holiday, is not about planning or plans — it is about being, knowing, acting as, and becoming the authentic self…
Here are a few other discoveries to help you form your own path (actually these are not really discoveries — they are truths that already existed — truths that I uncovered once I removed the covers of social conventions, media noise and language):

There is no such thing as Financial Freedom

Money is a tool, not a goal. Too many people make their life a tool for a money plan, whereas money should be made a tool for a life plan. How many of your goals are money-centered? If you want to stop surviving and begin living, you must never make any goal centered upon money. This is what makes the conventional idea of financial freedom such the paradox: People think that money buys freedom. Actually, the pursuit of money creates a form of slavery; and once this financial goal is reached, if it ever is reached, the tragic realization that freedom has not been obtained drains (and slowly kills) the authentic self.
Freedom, if properly defined, cannot be procured by financial means. Form your own definition of freedom without any reference to money.

Define Words for Yourself

What is success? What is wealth? What is happiness? If the meanings of words are not defined by you, then you are following the paved road of social conventions. If the path already exists, it is not yours. A few years ago, I followed my own advice to define words for myself: I defined retirement, for example, as “doing what I want, when I want, within reason.” At that moment, at age 37, I realized I was already retired by my definition! Of course, the key phrase is “within reason;” but the realization that I was already retired, that my freedom was not defined by monetary means, was extremely liberating. I discovered I was free, but not by monetary means!

Stop Planning and Start Discovering Yourself

If you spend your time and energy on aligning who you are with what you do, you will be on your way to true freedom. The path to self-discovery never really ends but it is the producer of meaning and purpose; therefore the persistent effort and long duration of the journey is actually welcomed, rather than disdained. There is no hurry or proper entry point, just jump in! Like career planning and financial planning, prudent self-discovery is a process of “get rich slow.” In this case, however, “rich” is not a financial term — it is the state and trait of being and becoming the authentic self.
There is no career planning; there is no retirement planning; there is only life planning. If there is something you would do for little or no money, what would it be? Do this thing as much as possible and be the best you can be at it. Your honesty and self-feeding fulfillment will enable opportunities you can’t see at this moment. There is no secret formula to life, and often the discovery of who you are is a process of discovering who you are not.
This is all the plan you need: Make a slow and deliberate effort to find a career that is YOU.

“I hope that posterity will judge me kindly, not only as to the things which I have explained, but also to those which I have intentionally omitted so as to leave to others the pleasure of discovery.” ~ Rene Descartes

I could go on but I do not want to distract you any further from beginning (or continuing) your own path to a meaningful existence — of discovering, being and becoming your authentic self.
I also would love to hear about your path. Who are you, where are you now and where are you going? Are you surviving or are you living each day?

How To Enjoy Your Life: Live In Your “Now”!

2010-06-06T23:06:00.002+08:00

By Bo Sanchez

One evening, a man was walking in a dark jungle.

Suddenly, he saw what seemed like a tiger running towards him. Horrified, the man ran away as fast as he could.

But alas, he didn’t know, he was running towards the edge of a high cliff. Below him was a thousand meter drop—and sure death.

He was able to stop and turn around. In the darkness, he saw the tiger moving towards him.

Instantly, he made a decision. He said to himself, “I’d rather die by falling than by a hungry tiger!”

So he closed his eyes and jumped off the cliff.

But instead of falling a thousand meters, he landed just a few meters down on a hanging vine! It was actually a root of an old tree that was jutting out of the cliff.

He was saved!

But suddenly, from out of nowhere, he saw a big rat crawl out of a little hole. It ran to the base of the vine he was holding—and it began to eat through it! At anytime, the vine will snap.

He was a dead man for sure.

From the corner of his eye, he saw something red. It was a strawberry. A little strawberry plant was growing in the side of the cliff.

What should he do?

He plucked the red fruit.

Placed it in his mouth.

Closed his eyes.

Chewed it.

Licked his lips.

Mmmm…

It was the most delicious meal he ever had in his life!

God Gives Strawberries Every Moment

I can hear you now.

       “Bo, what happened to the guy? How did the story end?”
       That’s the point. There is no end.
       We don’t know what happened to the man.
       But this we know: He enjoyed his strawberry.
       You and I are like that man.
       We hang onto life by a vine.
       Actually, our life hangs by a thread.
       At any moment, that thread can snap.

You can die anytime. (My 31-year old cousin died this way. A vein burst in his brain and boom, he was gone. Last night, he slept strong. The next morning, he was dead.)

       The rat eating the thread you hang on is time.
       Every single day that passes is one day closer to your death.
       Every single step you take is one step closer to your tomb.

Our lives are short. Very short.

I love what Fulton Oursler said: We crucify ourselves between two thieves: Regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.

       Friend, protect yourself from these two thieves.
       How?
       Surrender your regrets and fears to God.

Live in your “Now”.

       There are three kinds of people.
       First are people who focus on tomorrow—waiting and waiting and waiting. (More on this later.)
       Second are people who focus on yesterday—on how bad or how good it was. Some people are fixated to the past, they pine for the “good ol’ days.” They don’t see the blessings of today.
       Be the third kind of person who lives in their “Now”.

Enjoy God’s Blessings Now

Right this moment, you’re swimming in an ocean of blessings!

Miracles surround you.

Supernatural provision.

Divine appointments.

God-coincidences.

God’s presence.

God’s peace.

God’s joy.

God’s love!

They’re everywhere.

But here’s the problem: Sometimes, you can’t even see the blessings. So we end missing them. (What a waste.) And we even end up complaining, “God doesn’t love me.”

Why are we blind to our blessings?

Because we’re not awake.

We’re not mindful.

We’re not aware.

We’re not grateful.

Because we don’t live in the “Now”.

My big message for you: If you want to be happy, you must live in your “Now”.

Live in the present moment.

Be awake.

Be aware.

Be mindful.

Be conscious.

Embrace what’s happening now.

Enjoy your blessings now.

Embrace God’s love today!

You Can’t Live On Yesterday’s Manna

       One day, Jack and Poy met on the road.
       Jack noticed that Poy looked very sad, almost weepy.
       He asked him, “What’s wrong, Poy?”
       Poy cried, “Three weeks ago, my aunt died and left me an inheritance of P100,000.”
       Jack was surprised. “Well, that isn’t too bad.”
       Poy shook his head. “That’s not the end of the story. Two weeks ago, my uncle died and left me an inheritance of P500,000.”
       “My gosh, I’d like that,” Jack said.
       Poy wailed and said, “That’s not all. Last week, my grandfather died and left me an inheritance of P2 Million.”
       Jack was blown away. He said, “That’s fantastic! Why are you so sad?”
       Poy cried and said, “Because this week, nothing! No one died!”
       What’s the problem of Poy? He got fixated with his past blessings. But you can’t live on yesterday’s manna. God gives different blessings each day. Learn to appreciate what God is giving you today that may be different from what He gave yesterday.
       But there’s a third group of people who live in their “Now”.
       These people enjoy each moment that God gives to them.

These people enjoy the strawberries of God.

Strawberries are found only in your “Now”.

In your present moment.

Make a choice today to enjoy the strawberries of life!

Question:

Are You A Human Being

Or Human Doing?

            Do you want to be happy?
       One key to happiness is mastering the Art of Being.
       We’re supposed to be Human Beings. But we’re so busy, we’ve become Human Doings.
       We’re not present in the here and now.
       So let me give you now the golden rule of living in the present moment: Wherever you are, be there.
       Even during the difficult moments of your life.
       Do you get annoyed when…

o …you get stuck in traffic?

o …you wait in the doctor’s clinic for a long time?

o …you’re rushing and then receive a phone call?

o …you stand in a long line in the grocery?

o …your kid asks you for something while you’re resting?

o …your friend drops by when you’re busy?

Instead of being annoyed, I suggest you receive these interruptions as a gift from Heaven.

I also call these the “Gift of Pause”.

I repeat: Wherever you are, be there.

This may sound strange, but I’ve come to enjoy traffic.

Why?

When I’m in traffic, I’m forced to do nothing.

So I focus on God.

I reflect on my blessings.

I become deeply grateful.

Every time I’m stuck in traffic, I’m given a wonderful opportunity to practice the art of being.

To live in the present moment.

I can hear you now.

“Bo, you’re nuts.”

Then the next story may change your mind.

Where You Are Now Is Exactly

Where God Wants You To Be

One day, survivors from the 9/11 tragedy had a small gathering. On that day, they shared the reasons why they were still alive. They were alive because of small, insignificant interruptions.

One man was late for work because his son started kindergarten that morning.

For another guy, it was his turn to bring donuts for the staff.

Another guy put on a new pair of shoes that morning. But along the way to work, he developed a blister. So he stopped by a drugstore to buy a band-aid.

And that’s why he was still alive.

Interruptions are not so bad after all.

Friend, next time you’re annoyed because you’re stuck in traffic. Or you have to answer a phone call. Or you have to repair your car. Or any other little thing that may annoy you…

Thank God for that Gift of Peace, the Gift of Pause.

Remember: Where you are now is exactly where God wants you to be.

Enjoy Life Wherever You Are

One day, I was in the airport for a 12noon flight for Cebu.

And then I heard the dreaded announcement come. “There will be a delay for our flight to Cebu. Projected time of departure is at 7pm.”

You should have heard the uproar.

People went wild.

Everyone rushed to the counter.

I pitied the airline staff. They faced an angry mob that was ready to lynch them.

Hey, I totally understand them. Some of them had meetings, appointments, etc.

One guy in that mob broke the Guiness of World Records for the number of curse words a human can say in one minute.

The other guy beside him was multi-lingual. He cursed in 7 different languages. English, Tagalog, Cebuano, Waray,…

I waited on my seat until everyone was gone.

I stood up and approached the hapless, frazzled young woman behind the desk.

“I’m happy the flight is delayed,” I smiled.

The girl couldn’t quite understand me. “Excuse me?” she asked.

I smiled again, “I said I’m happy the flight is delayed. I’m sure there’s a good reason for it. And thank you very much for doing a good job despite what happened.”

She smiled back, “Thank you, sir.” I thought she wanted to hug me.

I went back to my seat and I felt like a little boy on Christmas Eve. Because I had this giant gift in front of me: 7 hours of doing nothing. I felt so happy.

I prayed. I read. I wrote. I talked to the people beside me. I walked for my exercise. I ate. I had a mini-vacation right there in the airport!

Sure, I had a talk in Cebu—and I might come late.

But I told myself, I am where I am because God wants me to be here.

My talk in Cebu was supposed to be 7pm.

I arrived at 9pm. I was two hours late.

But when I arrived, the church was still full. People didn’t leave. While I wasn’t there, our local leaders preached to them. And I gave my talk. So people told me, “We didn’t have a prayer meeting. We had a recollection!”

They were blessed.

I was blessed.

Slow Down!

Get rid of hurry from your life.

John Ortberg said, “Hurry isn’t just a disordered schedule but a disordered heart.” I agree. Because of this, he says that our society is rich in things but extremely poor in time.

We don’t have time for family, for people, for relationships.

We don’t have time for ourselves—to reflect, to pray, to breathe, to rest, to enjoy God’s blessings now.

The solution? Learn to slow down.
Here are tips (some from me and some from John Ortberg) on how to remove hurry from our lives.

1. Deliberately drive in the slow lane on the expressway.

If you do this, you’ll arrive home perhaps ten minutes later. But you’ll be less angry, less stressed, and less tired. Here’s what you can do: Pray for all the cars that go ahead of you. Sing a song to God. Imagine God seated beside you.

2. Deliberately park at the farthest spot available in the parking lot.

Result? You won’t have to fight over the nearest parking spots; You won’t have to circle around for hours; and you’re giving your body exercise by the extra walk.

3. Deliberately choose the longest line in the grocery.

We usually look for the shortest. Do the opposite. Look for the longest line. You can be sure no one will fight you over it. Enjoy. Pray. Smile. Bless the people around you.

4. Deliberately chew your food slowly.

As my friend says, “Food is God’s love made edible.” So enjoy your food. Relish it. Savor the taste. It’ll help your digestion. More importantly, it’ll calm you. You’ll appreciate your food more. You’ll be more grateful to God for your food.

5. Deliberately put people before things.

“Waste” time with your loved ones. Laugh, play, and do nothing together. Learn the “art of being” as a group. Last week, I brought all the top leaders of Light of Jesus to the beach for three days. We played charades together. We looked pretty insane. It was wonderful. People ask me why Light of Jesus has remained strong after 30 years. One reason: We play a lot. We have 4 vacations a year!

6. Deliberately take time to enjoy God’s Presence alone.

Each day, spend ten, fifteen, or thirty minutes hanging out with God. Just simply be with Him. Just rest in Him. You can sit before the Blessed Sacrament. Or go under a tree or take a walk. God says, “Be still and know that I am God.”

7. Deliberately stop watching TV.

People watch an average of 4 hours of TV everyday. That means when you reach 65 years old, you would have spent 9 years of your life watching TV. You wake up one day and ask yourself, “Where did my life go?” Remember that failure is not an act but a habit. Instead of watching TV, read a book instead. Or hold an entertainment night as a family. Or sing together. Or take up a hobby. Or play a musical instrument. Or volunteer and serve God in a ministry.

8. Deliberately take lots of vacations.

People work non-stop all their life, retire at age 65, and take a long vacation. Usually, they drop dead after a few years. Because they lose their purpose. I’ll teach you a better way, and I’ve been practicing this for some years now: Take lots of mini-vacations now and never retire! I take about 10 small vacations a year, usually with family and friends. And I can’t retire because I’m not working. Both my ministry and business is just so much fun.

Don’t Ever “Wait” Again!

A lot of people just wait.

When we’re 8, we wait to be 13.

When we’re 13, we wait to be 18.

When we’re in school, we wait to get a job.

When we’re single, we wait to get married.

When we’ve got babies, we wait for them to grow up quick.

When we’ve got teens, we wait for them to mature.

When we’re working, we wait for our retirement.

But if you really live in your “Now”, you’ll never wait again in your life. We enjoy where we are.

When someone is late and says to you, “So sorry to keep you waiting,” you should say, “I wasn’t waiting. I was enjoying life. I was breathing in God’s love. I was living and happy and blessed.”

       Of course, if you say that, people will think you’re kookoo or had shabu for breakfast.
       But that is essentially what living in your “Now” is. You don’t really wait. Because waiting means you’re attention is focused on your future.
       Not you. You’re attention is focused on your “Now”.
       And you’re grateful for that “Now”.
       Example?

If you’re single, don’t “wait” for a husband. Enjoy your singleness now. Embrace your freedom. Breathe in the blessings of God. Embrace His peace. Love His presence.

If you’re still childless, don’t “wait” for a baby. Enjoy your marriage now. Embrace your life today. Be blissful where you are.

If you’re still financially hard-up, don’t “wait” for prosperity. Be grateful for the prosperity you have now. And because gratitude attracts what you’re grateful for, this will attract more prosperity.

Enjoy Your Imperfect Now

       After my talk, a woman came up to me and said, “Bo, my husband passed away 3 months ago.”
       “I’m so sorry to hear that,” I said.
       “Can I ask a favor? Can you give this message to all the wives out there?”
       She closed her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks.
       I didn’t speak. I let her cry.
       She went on. “My husband wasn’t perfect. But I’ll give anything to hold his hand again. I’ll give anything to sit beside him now. I’ll give anything to hear him laugh. I’ll give anything to serve him again. But I can’t. It’s impossible. So please Bo. Tell the wives to enjoy their imperfect husbands while they can. Because it won’t be forever.”
       “I will tell them,” I said. I prayed for and gave her a hug.
       To this day, I tell her story in my talks often.
       Enjoy your imperfect “Now”—your spouse, your kids, your parents, your in-laws, your friends.

Rest In God

       I love it when the Bible says, “But Jesus would go away to lonely places where he prayed.” (Luke 5:16).
       I love it because if it’s good for Jesus, it must be good for me too. In fact, Jesus also invited his friends to do exactly the same thing. “There were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his disciples didn’t even have time to eat. So he said to them, “Let us go off by ourselves to some place where we will be alone and you can rest for a while.” (Mark 6:31)
       I have two last things to say to you.
       First of all, you will never be alone.
       Jesus says, “Let’s go off by ourselves…where we will be alone.” That means He’ll bring you there. He’ll meet you there. He’ll accompany you in your trials. He’ll never let you go.
       Second, I believe that “alone” place doesn’t have to be a geographical place. That “alone” place is actually within you.
       In the middle of noisy traffic, you can go to your heart.
       Be quiet.

Be alone.

Be open.

And breathe in God’s love.

Enjoy your “Now”.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

you can also read this article here.

What is Adulthood? 20 Defining Characteristics of a True Adult

2010-01-05T22:21:00.003+08:00

How can one classify a true adult? Many people directly attribute age to adulthood. The problem with this methodology becomes evident when you discuss the topic with various people of different cultural backgrounds. If you ask each of them what age they believe constitutes the point at which a person progresses from childhood into adulthood, their answers will always be different. Why? Because every one of the answers are based on subjective opinion. Adulthood is not based age; it’s based strictly on emotional maturity.

So what constitutes emotional maturity, and thus adulthood? Here are 20 defining characteristics of a true adult:

Realizing that maturity is an ongoing process, not a state, and continuously striving for self improvement.
Able to manage personal jealousy and feelings of envy.
Has the ability to listen to and evaluate the viewpoints of others.
Maintains patience and flexibility on a daily basis.
Accepts the fact that you can’t always win, and learns from mistakes instead of whining about the outcome.
Does not overanalyze negative points, but instead looks for the positive points in the subject being analyzed.
Is able to differentiate between rational decision making and emotional impulse.
Understands that no skill or talent can overshadow the act of preparation.
Capable of managing temper and anger.
Keeps other people’s feeling in mind and limits selfishness.
Being able to distinguish between ‘needs’ and ‘wants’.
Shows confidence without being overly arrogant.
Handles pressure with self composure.
Takes ownership and responsibility of personal actions.
Manages personal fears.
Able to see the various shades of grey between the extremes of black and white in every situation.
Accepts negative feedback as a tool for self improvement.
Aware of personal insecurities and self-esteem.
Able to separate true love from transitory infatuation.
Understanding that open communication is the key to progression.
Above all, true adults do what they have to do when it is required of them, and they do what they want when they can. They are able to distinguish between the two and manage their time and efforts accordingly.

FINDING GOD’S PURPOSE IN YOUR TRIALS

2009-09-12T01:54:00.001+08:00

By Bo Sanchez

What gift do you want for Christmas?

Do I hear anybody say, “I want trials”?

Of course, we don’t want trials. But why does God send us trials? Why does He allow trials to come our way? I thought He loves us?

Precisely. God allows trials to come into our life because He loves us. If God doesn’t love us, we won’t have trials.

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you, depending on how you respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for good in their life. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pause to consider what benefit the problems might bring.

Here are five ways God wants to use the problems in your life:

1. God uses problems to direct you.

You know, sometimes God changes our path and direction and He does that through the problems that we have.

Back in 1991, I fell in love with a woman. She’s charming, religious and I really fell for her. I courted her, sent her roses, chocolates, even serenaded her. But after a few months, she rejected my love. She wasn’t ready for a commitment.

I cried to the Lord.

And then I realized, if she accepted my proposal and we got married in 1992, my life would have turned out differently.

Because in 1994, I started Anawim (our home for the aged) and lived with the lolos and lolas for three years. If I had gotten married in 1992, I wouldn’t have been able to do that.

God truly knows everything.

In 1997, I fell in love again. I courted the lady and she accepted me. By that time, Anawim was already stable and I could leave it to some trusted people. So I was able to marry the woman of my dreams.

In hindsight, through my trials, God redirected me. Sometimes God sends us problems to redirect us. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention?

“Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways. “
— Proverbs 20:30

2. God uses problems to inspect you.

People are like tea bags. If you look at it, you won’t know if it is good tea or not. You have to put it in hot water — then and only then will you know.

Has God tested your faith with a problem?
What do your problems reveal about you?
Some people just give up when there’s a problem.

“When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience.”
— James 1:2-3

A young woman went to her mother and told her how things were so hard for her. She wanted to give up. As one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen.

She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots. In the second, she placed eggs, and in the last, she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She scooped the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me, what you see?

“Carrots, eggs and coffee,” she replied.

“Which one are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

“Are you the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, wilts, becomes soft and loses its strength?

“Are you the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Do you have a fluid spirit, but after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, you become hardened and stiff? Does your shell look the same, but on the inside are you bitter and tough with a hardened heart?

“Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the
situation around you.”

How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

The story sure has made me think. I want to be the coffee bean.

A Christian who has trials is transformed by the trials.

Sometimes God sends us trials to inspect us. What kind of heart do you have? What stuff are you made of?

3. God uses problems to correct you.

One time, a man told me his story. He’s 25 years old, a good man. He said that one day he got tempted and went to a bar. A woman approached him, tempted him by saying, “Anything can happen tonight.”

And true enough, something happened. They went to a motel. Days after that, he discovered after medical tests that he had contracted herpes. And according to the doctors, there really is no cure for herpes. It just stays with the afflicted. When the person’s resistance goes low, it resurrects itself.

And then he told me, “Bro. Bo, the Lord is correcting me.”

That’s true. God was correcting him.

I realized that God allows some of our trials to correct us.

Trials come into our life but I don’t mean that the Lord intervenes or interferes to make them happen.

Look at the man who got herpes. Was it the Lord who gave the disease to him? No, God did not even have to interfere. Who gave the herpes to the man? The woman? No! It was the man who put it upon himself! It
was his fault. He chose to have it.

God does not even have to punish you. He will just have to allow the bad consequences of your bad decisions. Sometimes, God allows trials to correct you. And when God corrects you, you’d better listen.

There are some lessons we learn only through pain and failure.

“It was the best thing that could have happened to me,
for it taught me to pay attention to your laws.”
— Psalm 119:71-72

4. God uses problems to protect you.

How many of you have been protected by a trial? Do you think it’s possible?

The lone survivor of a shipwreck was stranded on an island. He made a small nipa hut, looked for food on the other side of the island. While there, his nipa hut got burned. He got very angry with the Lord. He slept with his anger. When morning came, he was awakened by the sound of a pump boat. He was being rescued. He asked them, “How did you know I am here?” And they said, “Yesterday, we saw your smoke signal.”

Sometimes, the Lord uses our trials to protect us, to rescue us and to bless us. A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good....”
— Genesis 50:20

The will of God will never take you to where the grace of God will
not protect you.
— Unknown

5. God uses problems to perfect you.

Problems, when responded to correctly, are characterbuilders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are the only two things you’re going to take with you into eternity.

“We can rejoice when we run into problems... they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady.”
— Romans 5:3-4

Believe that God will use your problems to bless you abundantly. Let Him fulfill the purpose behind your trials.

24 Life Lessons I learned by Age 24

2009-08-31T21:31:00.001+08:00

It's my 24th birthday today. I'm sharing to you some of the lessons I learned thus far at age 24, hoping that you may find it useful.

1. Everything that happens to you is your responsibility, whether good or bad.

2. The greatest truths in life are uncovered with simple, steady awareness.

3. Sometimes, what you are looking for is just in front of you.

4. Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone, so take risks.

5. Problems are common to all, its attitude that makes the difference.

6. Financial security is not a dream, it's a priority.

7. Most of the times, the loudest lessons are found at the most quiet corners of our lives. So seek silence.

8. You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice that you have.

9. Before you can be happy with someone else, you should own your happiness first. Nothing is more attractive than someone who radiates contentment from within.

10. Appreciate even the smallest kind.

11. Say I love you.

12. Don't take life too seriously, after all, no one has come out alive. - Bugs Bunny. Always find reasons to smile.

13. Take many pictures, laugh too much and love like you've never been hurt before.

14. Your health is your life.

15. Quit worrying what other people think about you, after all, nobody's thinking about you at all. If they are thinking about you at all, they are wondering what you are

thinking about them.

16. Sometimes, we are afraid in the things that we really don't know.

17. Strive for excellence, not perfection.

18. Insanity - its doing the same again and again but expecting different results.

19. Knowledge is basically useless without action.

20. Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad. It just depends on your perspective.

21. Having a thousand credentials on the wall will not make you a decent human being. But genuinely helping one person everyday will.

22. Nothing is permanent in this world except for changes. So roll with it.

23. Maturity has nothing to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. It has to do with what types of experiences you've had.

24. It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

Dont Quit!

2009-08-27T20:51:00.001+08:00

How to Become Strong Leader

2009-08-23T19:24:00.002+08:00

A leader is not born.

A leader is created and the whole process starts inside the most dangerous place you'll ever encounter - your own mind.

How can you become a strong leader who inspires others, drives people toward excellence, holds people accountable, and instills a sense of trust? Learning what makes a great leader is your first step.

Here are some things you can do to become the leader you've always wanted to be:

1. Control yourself. Every great leader in history has had to become a master of self-discipline and willpower in order to stay focused on the big picture. If you don't have a goal or the drive to achieve it, you can't lead others to attain theirs.

• Follow through in everything you do. As challenging as it may be, you need to be disciplined enough to be where you need to be, when you need to be there, whether you want to or not. By being strong in your resolve and resisting temptation to give up, you are setting an example for others to live up to.

• Choose your emotional response to a situation carefully. Sometimes you'll need to practice the art of silencing your inner thoughts when they're not appropriate in order to set a positive example.

2. Project your goals. If the people you're leading don't completely understand the deeper meaning in their work, they won't share your vision or work ethic. Every step of the way, communicate with your team to make sure they're on the same wavelength and know what you expect of them.

• Get your team involved in the planning process and the implementation of your ideas. This gives everyone a greater sense of ownership toward the end result.

3. Praise highly and criticize constructively. The way you praise and criticize others can make all the difference in being able to lead effectively.

• Make sure you publicly praise the people who do excellent work for you. You'll give the person a sense of accomplishment and the drive to do even better.

• When someone does something wrong, offer constructive criticism and do it privately. Suggest solutions on how they can improve and take the time to answer any questions. They'll accept your input more willingly if they know it's done to help and not to harm.

4. Know your people. You can't truly lead a group of people unless you truly understand their hopes, dreams, struggles, pains, and goals. All the good intentions in the world mean nothing unless you have a true sense of the people you're working with.

• Talk to your team and get to know them. Getting to know each other on a personal level will strengthen the bond between you. They'll want to do better for you because you're more than just a "boss."

• Be their leader, first, and their friend second. You're their leader and that means that you have to make difficult decisions from time to time. These decisions cannot be affected by personal relationships.

5. Make the hard call. There are times when you have to bite the bullet and make some unpleasant decisions. Firing, demoting, and holding people accountable for their actions can be very hard at times. As a leader, it's your responsibility to handle these matters.

Regardless of where your leadership role takes you, believe that you can be a strong leader. Remember that in order to lead others, you must be disciplined yourself. After all, your actions will speak louder than anything you can say.

In order to gain the respect of others, strive to lead by example in every area of your life.

When you follow these simple guidelines, you'll be well on your way to becoming a true leader!

Using Positive Self-Talk to Conquer Any Goal

2009-08-21T19:22:00.001+08:00

Do you feel like you are always talking yourself out of success? As soon as you start to set goals for yourself, do you suddenly have nagging thoughts about how you aren't up to the task or how you simply aren't qualified to carry it through?

If you have ever experienced either situation, you need to change the way you respond to your inner dialogue. Instead of obeying your negative commands, you can use positive self-talk to counter the negativity and overcome nearly all anxious thoughts.

Setting Goals and Sticking to Them with Positive Self-Talk

Are you initially filled with excitement when you first set goals for yourself? Are these thoughts then followed by self-doubt and self-defeating thoughts that stop you in your tracks before you even get started?

It can be difficult to make the most of your life when you are constantly talking yourself out of being a success. It can be frustrating and discouraging to have these thoughts constantly plaguing you. Many of us, in fact, don't even realize we have them! All we know is that we don't have the confidence to stick to our plans and reach our goals.

But there's another way!

Positive self-talk is an effective way to set goals and ensure that you stick to them, even if you have never been able to do this before. The way this works is that you decide what goal is important to you, and then you plan the logistics of how you are going to attain this goal. When self-doubt starts kicking in, you will respond with affirmations that prove your success without surrendering to the negative pressure. Since you're reading this article, it's clear that you're no quitter and you're certainly not a failure, so start believing in yourself!

Re-Programming Your Mind

Affirmations are essentially positive statements that re-program your mind for the positive. The moment you have a self-defeating thought you'd be able to counter the negative with a motivating statement. An example of a positive affirmation is: "I am worthy of great success," or "I see myself in the winner's circle." What this does is replace negativity with thoughts that will help you move toward your goals instead of further away from them.

Positive self-talk is easier to implement than you might think. You may not be aware of the severity of the negative dialogue currently within your mind. However, once you begin with positive self-talk, you will suddenly realize that you are self-sabotaging the goals you set for yourself from the minute that you make them. This process can open your eyes to exactly how much this inner conversation has been interfering with your life. You'll feel hopeful that you can now set goals and surpass them.

Through positive self-talk you will be able easily set long and short-term goals for yourself. And when you use affirmations, you'll have accessible tools to help you push yourself further than ever before. Learning to quiet negativity with positive thoughts is a great move toward setting and attaining future goals with ease.

Infosys Chairman - Mr.Narayana Murthy's Speech on Late Sitting

2009-08-10T22:44:00.000+08:00

This article is very interesting. I learned this thru my officemate. How we wish we could do this...

"I know people who work 12 hours a day, six days a week, or more. Some
people do so because of a work emergency where the long hours are only
temporary. Other people I know have put in these hours for years. I don't
know if they are working all these hours, but I do know they are in the
office this long. Others put in long office hours because they are
addicted to the workplace. Whatever the reason for putting in overtime,
working long hours over the long term is harmful to the person and to the
organization. There are things managers can do to change this for
everyone's benefit. Being in the office long hours, over long periods of
time, makes way for potential errors. My colleagues who are in the office
long hours frequently make mistakes caused by fatigue. Correcting these
mistakes r equires their time as well as the time and energy of others.
I have seen people work Tuesday through Friday to correct mistakes
made after 5 PM on Monday. Another problem is that people who are in the
office for long hours are not pleasant company. They often complain about
other people (who aren't working as hard); they are irritable, or cranky, or
even angry. Other people avoid them. Such behaviour poses problems,
where work goes much better when people work together instead of avoiding
one another. As Managers, there are things we can do to help people
leave the office. First and foremost is to set the example and go home
ourselves. I work with a manager who chides people for working long
hours. His words quickly lose their meaning when he sends these chiding group
e-mails with a time-stamp of 2 AM, Sunday. Second is to encourage people to
put some balance in their lives. For instance, here is a guideline I find
helpful:

1) Wake up, eat a good breakfast, and go to work.
2) Work hard and smart for eight or nine hours.
3) Go home.
4) Read the comics, watch a funny movie, dig the dirt,
play with your Kids etc..
5) Eat well and sleep well.

This is called recreating. Doing steps 1, 3, 4, and 5 enable step 2.
Working regular hours and recreating daily are simple concepts. They are
hard for some of us because that requires personal change. They are
possible since we all have the power to choose to do them. In considering
the issue of overtime, I am reminded of my eldest son. When he was a
toddler, If people were visiting the apartment, he would not fall asleep
no matter how long the visit, and no matter what time of day it was! He
would fight off sleep until the visitors left. It was as if he was afraid
that he would miss something. Once our visitors' left, he would go to
sleep. By this time, however, he was over tired and would scream through
half the night with nightmares. He, my wife, and I, all paid the price for
his fear of missing out. Perhaps some people put in such long hours because
they don't want to miss anything when they leave the office. The trouble
with this is that events will never stop happening. That is life! Things
happen 24 hours a day. Allowing for little rest is not ultimately practical.
So, take a nap. Things will happen while you're asleep, but you will
have the energy to catch up when you wake.

Hence, "LOVE YOUR JOB BUT NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR COMPANY. (Because you never know when it stops loving you)"

- Narayana Murthy

Career Advice

2009-08-09T16:51:00.001+08:00

Feel like sharing this slide... enjoy!

Career Advice '08

View more documents from garr.

12 More Daily Habits

2009-08-09T13:57:00.001+08:00

My article 24 Daily Habits has been an amazing success, so I thought I would follow it up with another 12 Daily Habits that I try (I’m not perfect!) to do and that you may consider incorporating into your life.

1. Stretch: I was inspired to write 24 Daily Habits by my discovery of the benefits of exercising everyday. Every so often I can’t find time to exercise, but at the very least I stretch. Some benefits of this include: reduced muscle tension, increased flexibility, and increased energy levels (from the increased circulation of blood).

2. Write: I normally spend time each day writing articles for this blog. I find writing very therapeutic as it allows me to clarify my thoughts and feelings about a number of issues. If you don’t have a blog, try keeping a journal or writing a long email to a good friend each day.

3. Listen to Music I Love: its a simple pleasure we often take for granted. If ever I want to relax, get pumped, or simply just have fun its quite likely I will put on some music to accompany my mood. I rarely listen to the radio though - I want to choose the tunes!

4. Exercise My Brain: exercising your brain is as important (if not more!) than exercising your muscles. In the past year I taken to Sudoku and Kakuro as ways to stimulate my brain and have fun. Other suggestions are crosswords, quizzes, and brain teasers.

5. Sharpen My Memory: this could come under the above habit, but I think it is worthy of its own heading. I haven’t always been kind to my brain in the past, and I recently started to notice how this was affecting my memory. Each day now I try to sharpen my memory with simple techniques such as remembering names and telling stories (ie recalling events).

6. Drink Plenty of Water: drinking plenty of water each day is essential to good health. Among other things, water flushes toxins out of vital organs and carries nutrients to cells. I try to take a water bottle with me wherever I go.

7. Drink Green Tea: I love my cup of coffee first thing in the morning, but when it comes to the afternoon I find that coffee over-stimulates my brain and makes me edgy. Instead I drink green tea in the afternoon which still contains caffeine (important to help me make it until 5pm!), but does not give me the negative effects of an afternoon coffee. There are also many health benefits to green tea which you can read further about here.

8. Under Promise, Over Deliver: this is a great way to impress people. The last thing I want to do is make promises which I won’t be able to keep.

9. Smile: ….. and the world smiles with you. Well not always, but I find that a smile is a great way to break down barriers with people.

10. Celebrate My Successes: I find its so important to take time each and every day to celebrate my successes. This doesn’t have to involve opening a bottle of bubbly (or in my case cracking open a beer). A mental pat on the back will often do. If you need some ideas I recommend reading 75 Simple Pleasures to Brighten Your Day from ZenHabits.

11. Meditate: as part of my routine of winding down each day I try to spend 10 - 15 minutes meditating. Benefits of meditation I have noticed include relaxation, energy, and perspective on my life. This article from PicktheBrain has some good tips on getting started.

12. Have Fun: one of my life philosophies is that we should enjoy each day. I consider many of the habits I have listed in this article to be fun (eg sudoku, listening to music, and celebrating my successes). Importantly, though, I always try to have some spontaneous fun each day.

What is Adulthood? 20 Defining Characteristics of a True Adult

2009-08-09T12:53:00.002+08:00

How can one classify a true adult? Many people directly attribute age to adulthood. The problem with this methodology becomes evident when you discuss the topic with various people of different cultural backgrounds. If you ask each of them what age they believe constitutes the point at which a person progresses from childhood into adulthood, their answers will always be different. Why? Because every one of the answers are based on subjective opinion. Adulthood is not based age; it’s based strictly on emotional maturity.

So what constitutes emotional maturity, and thus adulthood?

Here are 20 defining characteristics of a true adult:

Realizing that maturity is an ongoing process, not a state, and continuously striving for self improvement.

Able to manage personal jealousy and feelings of envy.

Has the ability to listen to and evaluate the viewpoints of others.

Maintains patience and flexibility on a daily basis.

Accepts the fact that you can’t always win, and learns from mistakes instead of whining about the outcome.

Does not overanalyze negative points, but instead looks for the positive points in the subject being analyzed.

Is able to differentiate between rational decision making and emotional impulse.

Understands that no skill or talent can overshadow the act of preparation.

Capable of managing temper and anger. Keeps other people’s feeling in mind and limits selfishness.

Being able to distinguish between ‘needs’ and ‘wants’.

Shows confidence without being overly arrogant.

Handles pressure with self composure.

Takes ownership and responsibility of personal actions.

Manages personal fears.

Able to see the various shades of grey between the extremes of black and white in every situation.

Accepts negative feedback as a tool for self improvement.

Aware of personal insecurities and self-esteem.

Able to separate true love from transitory infatuation.

Understanding that open communication is the key to progression.

Above all, true adults do what they have to do when it is required of them, and they do what they want when they can.

They are able to distinguish between the two and manage their time and efforts accordingly.

24 Daily Habits

2009-08-09T12:53:00.001+08:00

We first make our habits, and then our habits make us - John Dryden

I have previously written about how the habit of Exercising Every Day has helped me tremendously. Doing something every day is such a powerful way to form a habit that I thought I would make a list of 24 habits that are worth doing on a daily basis.

Note: I have divided these into morning, day and night although some could obviously be under different headings.The Morning

1. Wake Early: I am a big fan of waking at 5am and spending time working on myself before going to work. I have written more about this habit here.

2. Exercise: when I had the goal of exercising 4 times a week I found it was very easy to tell myself I will exercise tomorrow instead. Setting the expectation of daily exercise removed this as a potential excuse and I have since reaped the benefits of this daily habit.

3. Review or (even better) Rewrite Your Goals: each day I try to get closer to achieving my short, medium and long term goals. Starting the day by reviewing or rewriting my goals means that I have better awareness of them throughout the day. As Robin Sharma says:
With better awareness you can make better choices and when you make better choices, you will see better results.

4. Read and/ or Listen to Motivational Material: in the morning a whole day of endless possibilities lies ahead. I motivate myself to play my best game by reading and listening to inspirational books/ audiobooks.

5. Visualise the Day Ahead: I like to take a few minutes to shut my eyes and visualise what I want happen in the coming day. It’s amazing how often my desires become reality when I do this.

6. Write a “To Do” list: I like to write out a list in my diary of the important tasks I need to do that day. As they are completed I put a line through them. So simple, yet so effective.

7. Check the News Headlines: I think it’s important to have an idea of what is happening in our community and the world. Also if don’t at least check the main stories, I find it is easy to feel left out of conversations throughout the day.

8. Take a Multivitamin: I try to eat a well balanced diet, but taking a multivitamin daily reassures me that I obtaining the proper amount of vitamins and minerals that I need (**Update: see comments).

9. Tidy Up: a cluttered house can lead to a cluttered mind and fuzzy thinking. I find it’s best to stay on top of things by tidying up each day.

10. Take Time to Look Good: it’s a reality of life that people judge us by our appearance. I take a few minutes each morning to ensure I go out into the world looking the best I can.
The Day

11. Put First Things First: Many people have their day controlled by tasks that are urgent , but not necessarily important. Examples include interruptions, some email and some phone calls. The habit of putting first things first is about organising and executing your life around your deepest priorities.

12. Connect with Nature: I find spending time outdoors in nature is great for my sense of wellbeing. I have written about this here.

13. Blog: blogging makes me think and write - two things that I can’t get enough of each day. I have written more about the benefits of blogging here.

14. Snack Well: I substitute the chips, candy and chocolate with fruit, vegetables (carrots and celery are great to chomp on) and nuts.

15. Be Proactive: being proactive means showing initiative and taking the responsibility to make things happen. Whenever I want something to happen, I ask myself: what can I do to make this happen?

16. Ping a Friend: I try to send a quick email or text to a friend each day. It’s a great way to stay in touch with friends when I am extremely busy.

17. Save: I save at least 10% of each paycheck. A great way to find the money to save is to break it down to a
daily amount, for example $10-15. By taking account of the Latte Factor I find it easy to save this much.

The Evening

18. Have Family Time: on a typical workday I won’t see much of my partner and son, so I believe it’s important to, at the very least, be there most evenings. Family time is about quantity and quality.

19. Floss: This is essential to reduce tooth decay and gum disease. Why wouldn’t you want to have the best smile possible?

20. Wind Down: I try to switch off the computer and the TV about 30 to 60 minutes before bedtime and let my brain have some down time after a long day. I sleep far more peacefully when I do this.

21. Review My Day: I find this is a great way to hold myself to account for taking action throughout the day. Did I get closer to achieving my goals? Did I complete my to do list? Did my day go as planned? If not, why not?

22. Read: I love to read and do so continuously throughout the day. I find it is especially good to read just before to going to bed. Just makes sure it’s a relaxing book, and not one about nuclear physics (see habit #20).
23. Say I Love You to My Family Members: don’t just assume that your family members know you love them. I say these words to my partner and son at least once per day.

24. Go to Bed At A Reasonable Time: the first habit of this list (waking early) begins by going to bed at a reasonable time and getting a good nights sleep.