Epicurean Perils of Sweet Polly

Hugo's Spanish Restaurant, Tampa, FL

2013-05-18T15:24:00.002-07:00

I always carry around my own little personal restaurant rating system in my brain, with 1 being "deplorable" (that would be you, Village Pub) and 10 being "orgasmic" (which would be you, Beach Bistro). After today's lunch at Hugo's, I am forced to now create a 0 rating...which I'll define as an "abomination". So awesome to be able to establish a new bar on my 200th blog post...however low it may be. At least our "meal" only set us back $28 before tip.

I have no idea how this establishment has withstood the test of almost forty years of time. The interior was fine and casual, as expected. My only requirements were a cold beer and a decent Cuban sandwich after the insufferable ordeal I'd just endured sporting 3-D glasses for 2.5 hours and trying to figure out what in God's name Star Trek into Darkness was even about.

So far, so good. Our server, gawd love her, seemed like she'd just awakened from a 20-year coma. She brought beers pretty quickly, for which I'll give her a couple of bonus points. After finally ambling over to take my order (from a very short menu that requires little time to peruse), she began to wander away before the spousal unit reeled her back over to tell her what he'd like.

Every item we ordered was abysmal. Yes, I can be a food snob...but I can also be thrilled by a perfect empanada, burger, hot dog or pizza....so I feel like my assessment is fair.

The Spanish Bean Soup was served lukewarm (as was everything else presented to us) and was startlingly bland. Has anyone heard of ham hock around these parts? Maybe you guys should give the Columbia a call...perhaps they would be humanitarian enough to tell you how it's done. The toasted slabs of Cuban bread which accompanied the soup were pretty much the only menu offerings we actually consumed.

UD's Black Beans and Rice were totally devoid of flavor and delivered practically congealed at room temp. His side order of Deviled Crab was the most loathsome and sickening version of said dish I've ever taken a bite of. I thought the one I tried at Carmine's in Ybor was disgusting, but at least I didn't have to spit my bite of that one into my napkin to avoid regurgitation. Watery and cold on the inside, fishy tasting and clearly comprised of the lowest and cheapest form of crab meat available, this revolting clod of God-knows-what left me bitterly wishing we'd just gone to a chain resto. Actually, Sweet Tomatoes sounds really good right about now.

My "Award-Winning" Cuban consisted of little more than cheap, shaved deli ham with Swiss cheese sandwiched between a (barely) pressed slab of Cuban bread. I'm not sure how or why "awards" have been bestowed on this mediocre excuse for a Cuban Sandwich.

We left 80% of our food untouched here. Did we want a "to-go" box? Hells to the No! Is this place for real? I now have the Poison Control Hotline on speed dial. Unspeakably horrible.

Marlin Darlin Grill, Bellaire Bluffs, FL

2013-05-14T18:50:00.001-07:00

As thrilling as I suppose it would be to keep returning to (and blogging to death) many of my favorite Tampa Bay restos, I try to fight my "Creature of Habit" nature and continue to claw my way out of my comfort zone in the search of local culinary gems.

In the case of Marlin Darlin, the enticing sounding menu coupled with the beach-chic squeaky clean interior and an unobstructed view of the gleaming open kitchen made me feel a little like I was on a "Third Date" when we were promptly seated at the grossly early hour that only our fellow AARP card carriers can understand or respect.

We received incredibly prompt and friendly service. The menu looked pretty damned enticing...especially the $12.50 "Real Deal" prix fixe option. While never having batted much of an eye at dropping some serious coin for amazing cuisine, UD is an accountant after all. We decided to go out on a limb and try it, despite having both had the "you get what you pay for" lesson pounded into our psyches decades ago. Hope springs eternal, I suppose.

We sipped beverages and shared an order of Onion Rings served with a Maytag Crema dipping sauce while perusing the menu. I would be remiss if I did not remark on the reasonable beer and wine prices (not to mention the fairly generous pours), which generally buys a high level of my affection. Onion Rings, while on the right path, needed a serious egg wash or flour dredging before battering and frying as their crispy coating pretty much disintegrated upon handling, leaving us trying to maneuver what was left of the limp, crustless onion slices into the bleu cheese dipping sauce (which, quite frankly, was not my cup of tea). I prefer something more zippy and horseradish-laden with my rings...but that's just a personal opinion. Parkshore Grill's nomination by me as Best Onion Rings in Tampa Bay is still firmly intact. We would not order these again.

I'm going to be fair and preface the rest of this review with the fact that we did make the conscious decision to "go cheap"...and quite honestly, while I almost every scrap I ate was forgotten the moment we vacated the premises, I've paid as much for Boston Market individual meal consumed at my desk with plastic utensils...where there was no helpful server, cold adult beverage or lovely ambiance involved. For a $12.50 investment, it's tough to bitch about only getting a "kissing your favorite second cousin" level of tastebud tingling.

A nice basket of hot, garlic and butter toasted slabs of Cuban bread appeared shortly before our starters.

My small schooner of Lobster Bisque was creamy and had a fairly lobster-forward flavor along with a nice little creme fraiche floater. No crustacean morsels were located, but it was an "okay" version nonetheless.

While UD's little Citrus Salad didn't bring salacious thoughts to mind, it was still fresh and crisp with a nice dressing and unexpected accents like mandarin orange bits, sunflower seeds and red onion.

My Crab, Shrimp and Mussel Penne Pasta Dish in Lobster Cream Sauce failed to thrill, although there was nothing fundamentally wrong with it other than the fact that it was dumbed down to the point of falling just short of being slotted into Sweet Polly's "downright bland" category. But it is delivered with an extra little sidecar of cheese crumbles for those of us whose cholesterol levels haven't yet reached life-threatening heights (bonus points!).

Underdog's Filet Mignon Kebab with Black Beans and Rice made him a little cranky, if only because he ordered it cooked rare, causing the veggies on the skewer to arrive practically raw. Neither of us are huge beef tenderloin fans to begin with, but the meat was flavorful enough for what it was. Black beans and rice were standard issue, but I could not keep my fork out of that creamy Lobster Mac 'n Cheese that also came on the side with its crunchy bread-crumb topping. The highlight of the meal IMO.

Dogboy selected a little Apple Crisp as his mini "sweet finish" and it was fine...embellished with a tiny scoop of vanilla ice cream at no upcharge.

But I thought my Sweet Potato Beignets trumped it big time! These were quite the spicy, tender and flavorful little donut-esque afterthoughts.

In spite of the cranky under-(and sometimes over-)tones of this post, there's little complain about when you can purchase a dinner of this caliber for $12.50 each. We got out for around $65 with appetizer, two drinks apiece and two complete meals which is unheard of for us, unless we're having grouper sandwiches and a pitcher of beer at Keegan's. My standards are high...SUPERASS high...so take the criticism you find in this post with a grain of salt. While I probably wouldn't go back (and certainly won't be talking about this dining experience for days and weeks to come), it was a good deal and more than a decent meal for the price. Worth considering for a budget date night.

http://www.marlindarlinkeywestgrill.com/

Harvey's Fourth Street Grill, St. Petersburg, FL

2013-05-04T16:29:00.001-07:00

Finding ourselves Saturday "bachelorettes" for various and sundry reasons this weekend, one of my oldest and dearest pals (Georgia Peach) and I decided to revisit the scene of many unspeakable crimes of our misspent youth. Harvey's was where we ate and drank our lives away in the early 90s and I was delighted to find that the pub-grub served here is still top-notch 20 years later...which explains why the place was slammed at 2:00 PM in the afternoon.

We grabbed a couple of stools at the bar where we received uber-friendly and helpful service.

Despite its "bar-ish" demeanor, food is surprisingly fresh and creative at Harvey's. Onion rings were about as good as they come...crispy on the outside and tender on the inside. The Peach and I have relished in the house-made Broccoli Cheese Bites for decades and they never disappoint.

Harvey's Chicken Salad with mandarin oranges and toasted walnuts on a tender croissant has withstood the test of time. Quality always prevails. Potato salad side was fresh-tasting, tangy and cold. SO good.

Peach's Blackened Grouper sammie was also a study in freshness. Perfectly blackened and without a hint of "fishiness", this is as good as it gets in Tampa Bay. Cole slaw was also delish...crunchy and not overly laden with mayo.

Our dessert of Key Lime Pie was a classic and perfectly done rendition....tangy lime goodness slathered atop a thick and toothsome slab of graham cracker crust.

We spent under $70 before gratuity for all of this plus three glasses of Kendall Jackson apiece.

Recommended for friendly vibe and service...not to mention better than average casual fare. But be aware that staff and long-term regulars are pathological liars, so don't believe any crazy stories you might hear about us regarding certain Full Moon Parties of 1992 and 1993 because they are nothing but sheer fabrication. *Adjusting halo*.

http://www.harveys4thstreetgrill.com/

YachtSea Grille, Bradenton, FL

2013-04-28T18:09:00.001-07:00

Living in East Hillsborough County, hopping on I-75 South and heading to Bradenton or Sarasota for something different often offers a less resistant path than zig-zagging our way across town to somewhere Westshore-or-Carrollwood-ish, which has resulted in many fabulous food finds in Bradenton and Sarasota Counties.

We got lucky again on Saturday when we drove down to check out YachtSea Grille on the Manatee River in Bradenton. While the restaurant was not quite as "riverfront" as we were expecting (it overlooks the parking lot of Riverfront Park with more glimpses of highway than river, although there's a smidge of a water view), we still enjoyed the scrupulously clean and nautically-themed (surprise, RIGHT?) outdoor dining area as the last vestiges of any "spring breezes" we are likely to experience for quite some time enhanced our al fresco dining experience.

While I sipped a lovely glass of La Crema Chardonnay, Underdog went rogue and ordered a Mojito...and what a fine Mojito it was! Long and tall with gently muddled mint, it was clearly crafted by a higher power. UD had to have two, despite the fact that rum is not generally his poison of choice. Beautiful!

YachtSea's Smoked Fish Spread is some of the best I've ever tried (and I've probably tried hundreds). Perhaps second only to the version cranked out by Waltz Fish Shak on Madeira Beach, this was a very meaty and lightly-smoked (in-house, I learned) rendition with a nice kick of heat at the back end. Unlike its highly homogenized counterparts you find in so many seafood restos in West Central Florida, you won't forget you're eating fresh fish when you order this one. It was perfectly seasoned with minimal mayo binder and the hot-from-the-oven flour tortilla chip carriers offered a refreshing variation on the usual Captain's Wafers (or, God forbid, Saltines).

We couldn't not try a couple of the Polynesian Pork Shanks. Described on the menu as "tender bone-in pork shanks flash fried and coated in our Polynesian sauce", they were all that and more. Crispy on the outside, moist on the inside and basted with a sweet-and-spicy Asian-inspired sauce, the bones were so clean that they appeared to have been lying in the desert for six months after Dogboy (a justly deserved moniker) had his way with them.

Clam Chowder was off the chain. The owner (or manager) was super-visible and involved with the patrons on our visit, and he let us know that it was an award-winning recipe (which came as no surprise after tasting it) lovingly hand-made with fresh clams and rendered bacon...just as God intended. This was a really, REALLY good clam chowder. Creamy without being overly thickened with roux, gently seasoned and liberally crammed with tender clam bits...Clam Chowder doesn't get much better than this.

Having battled Bubonic Plague (or some similar shiznit) for the past 10 days, my appetite is still not up to par and I found myself slowing down after the starters. An appetizer order of Grouper Bites in light tempura breading with a zippy dipping sauce seemed to be about as much as I could handle, and I was ultimately defeated even by that. The nibbles I took were sweet and tasty, however.

We both loved the spousal unit's selection of Pale Ale Haddock Sandwich. You just don't see haddock on the menu often enough in Florida and this mild, medium textured slab of fish was served beautifully beer-battered and fried atop a soft pretzel roll.

Someone was feeling his sweet tooth and zeroed in on YachtSea's highly respectable version of Southern Pecan Pie (and this Tennessee Gurl can be a harsh critic of said dish) with its flaky crust and loads of large pecan halves. For a $3 upcharge, we got a generous vanilla ice cream topper.

We had a great experience at YachtSea....both food and service (thank you, Ray!) were well above average, especially for the price. It's rare for us to enjoy a late lunch like this with drinks and so many menu tastings for less than $100 before gratuity, but we did it here. $88 well spent!

http://www.yachtseagrille.com/

Tony and Nello's, St. Petersburg, FL

2013-04-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

I'll preface this report by stating that, with a 95% "like" rating on Urbanspoon plus a glowing rec from a former coworker of UD's, we went into Tony and Nello's projecting our anticipatory delusions of grandeur upon them. We also went in both suffering from a nasty case of walking pneumonia or some similar shiznit...hacking, coughing and phlegming (not to be confused with "Fleming's", being a good thing, at least as far a chain restos go; as opposed to"phlegming" being a universally and uncategorically bad thing) with our mutual level of malaise ratcheted to an almost craptacular level. Nothing like a little garlic to open up the old nasal passages, though....right? Plus, we both needed an excuse to get dressed and get out of the house for a few hours.

I'm sad to report that I wish I'd stayed in the recliner and popped open a can of Campbell's Tomato Soup. This entire meal was a study in mediocrity. Our server, while he plodded along dutifully, had all the enthusiasm and concern of a garden snail. Ambience is strip-mall cheesy, but not in a totally off-putting way. We saw similar resto designs in southern Italy when we visited six month ago.

Underdog surveys his surroundings:

Our bottle of chilled Prosecco got us off on a positive note. We could almost be back in Sorrento......

But then the food started coming out. Eggplant Rollatini with Prosciutto had potential. Generously portioned and tasty enough, it was presented at room temp. NO.

Clams with Marinara Sauce appeared shortly thereafter. They were fine. "Is there bread for sopping?", we queried? "Sure...we have a loaf in the oven for you", our server assured us.

Shortly after we were done with the apps, a decent basket of barely warm slabs of Ciabatta were presented along with foil-wrapped butter pats. Impeccable timing, Sir.

We ultimately decided to share Tony and Nello's "Feast" for two, which was comprised of fried veal, chicken and eggplant, all smothered in marinara sauce (which was a respectable one, I might add) and salad for $26.95. Said salad was not particularly exciting...and not being one to waste precious stomach space on iceberg lettuce, I demurred. UD gave it a couple of rabbit nibbles and confirmed my suspicions.

The "Feast" was fairly forgettable, although I will again bestow kudos on the marinara sauce. Otherwise, this dish was nothing a chain resto like Buca di Beppo couldn't do equally well if not better.

This entree also came with a side of pasta. We selected gnocchi at a $2 upcharge, which came out several minutes after the entree itself did...the explanation being "we don't have any heat lamps here". Guess what? Maybe they wouldn't be a bad idea, since most of our food was served at the wrong temperature and the gnocchi were cold and gummy.

There...I've said it. I scratch grass over the entire experience. Unremarkable from start to finish and not recommended.

http://tonyandnellos.com/

Green Lemon, Tampa, FL

2013-04-14T13:49:00.003-07:00

Back when I was new to blogging about my dining experiences and before I came to the conclusion that it might not really be all that cool or even ethical to accept free stuff from restos in exchange for the expectation of providing them with good "press" (if "press" is even actually the correct term in the world of cyber-journalism)...I was approached via email by Green Lemon (at that time, named "The Lime"...not sure what precipitated the new moniker) to visit them for a complimentary meal. I debated the idea for a bit before writing back to the owner/PR rep/whomever to say I might open to the idea...but that if I didn't like it, the most I could promise was that I'd pretend it never happened. The closest thing I can compare their (non)response to is an evening forest filled with the chirping of crickets. That's when I made the conscious decision that "food 'ho'ing" would never be tolerated on this here blog....at least not as long as I am Editor in Chief (not to mention, sole contributor). Easily enforceable.

So, back to Green Lemon. The day finally came when I was in the mood for a "South of the Border" snack so I decided to stop in (non-gratis). I liked the chic urban vibe of the place (with nary a sombrero, serape nor pinata in sight) and we were warmly greeted by Tracey, whose sweetness and competence contributed a lot to our overall enjoyment of the meal.

I would classify the menu as Mod-Mex...it contained both old standbys as well as newer twists on the former. We started off with Tostones (which are pretty much God's Own Treat to begin with...even before they're topped). These tasty, perfectly fried rounds of mashed plantains smothered in spicy, tender Mojo Pulled Pork, veggies and fresh herbs did not disappoint.

Things got a little dicey after that. I ordered the Chicken Wiggles Bowl, which was a rice-based dish topped with grilled chicken, black beans, avocado (I think), queso fresco, shredded cabbage and cheese. I opted out of the additional chopped tomato topper, which seemed to be no problem.

While not an abomination, I'm not sure Taco Bell couldn't have given this thing a run for its money. The chicken (and I'm no huge fan of chicken breast to begin with, so take this with a grain of salt) tasted like Perdue Chicken Selects that had been tossed into a bland trough of under-cooked rice, adorned with a sprinkling of canned beans and packaged bacon bits, then accented with a lime wedge to make it all "special". Couple that with the fact that the bowl was presented at room temp (cold food being one of my ultimate pet peeves when dining out...give me crappy service, give me a poor selection of wines by the glass or give me foil-wrapped butter pats...I'm not a fan of any, but all are preferable to food that's obviously been sitting around awhile prior to being delivered).

UD fared a little better with The Street Trio of tacos, although he agreed that the Ancho Chicken offering tasted decidedly prefab. The Carne Asada version was inhaled without hesitation, but he ultimately wished he'd simply ordered three of the Mojo Pulled Pork variety. The side of Black Beans and Rice might've been good but they, also, were presented at a 70-ish degree borderline congealed state so no one was really inspired to dig in.

My $8 Top Shelf Margarita proved to be a fine representation of said cocktail, so I'm dialing down the bitchery from here on out.

We were asked when we entered whether or not we'd ever dined at Yellow Lime (or Green Lemon...whichever it was) when we were first seated, to which we replied that we had not....having no clue that a correct response would entitle us to a fabulous prize. As newbies, we were thrilled to learn that we qualified for a free dessert, which turned out to be the highlight of the entire meal. Before we could even clutch our crucifixes, a Beelzebub-inspired concoction of "Churros meet Bananas Foster" was plopped before us. Hot and crispy on the outside/sweet and tender on the inside, cinnamon sugar laced lancets of pastry goodness had their inherent heinousness enhanced via accoutrements of vanilla ice cream and caramelized banana slices. Okay...I will, on the rarest of occasions, take free stuff.

Overall, this was an "OK" dining experience saved by a couple of quality spikes that kept me from stomping it into the ground with my boot heels. The meal set us back $55 before gratuity which included a glass of Sonoma Cutrer Chardonnay for me and a Big Nose Ale for UD (not to mention the outstanding margarita). Potential exists...follow-through is on them.

http://thelimetampa.com/

Z Grille, St. Petersburg, FL

2013-04-06T18:06:00.003-07:00

Z Grille has been on my wishlist for some time now. I love downtown St. Pete and have had a vague awareness that Chef Zack Gross has been a James Beard Award Nominee (kind of like the Academy Awards for chefs), which gives one a certain level of bragging rights in the culinary world...and I left feeling like this guy probably deserved it. While everything wasn't perfect, "delightful" trumped "okay" for the most part.

I will start with what didn't appeal to me. The venue itself has an urban and somewhat chilly sterility that didn't turn me on all that much...stainless steel tables in a diner-esque environment with too-loud piped in music. Music has its place in restaurants, but do we (especially "we" introverts) really want to shout over our meals?. Unwarrantedly noisy restaurants send me spiraling into rabid-dining-bitch mode almost faster than foil-wrapped butter pats. No biggie...it was a beautiful day, so we dined on the sidewalk. Service, while getting it done, fell into the "meh" category...adequate (but barely) and hardly what I would categorize as "enthusiastic".

Let's go ahead and wrap up the negatives with my entrée. Chicken and Waffles is my favorite veggie, so there was no way I couldn't order it at Z Grille. "Cornflake & Sage Fried Chicken with Nueske Bacon, Caramelized Onion Waffle, Pink Peppercorn Butter, Bacon Maple Syrup & Applewood Smoked Cheddar Grits" thrilled on paper but fell short on the plate. The dish was served at room temp with overcooked waffles, downright cold and decidedly unspecial grits with barely a hint of cheddar ("Quaker" was actually brought to mind) and a slab of dry, overcooked chicken breast. This did not begin to hold a candle to the benchmark set by the Chicken and Waffles offering served at Café Dufrain. For your viewing pleasure:

Things drastically improved when what was basically the Best Burger on the Planet was placed before UD...a house-ground Half Pound Ground Ribeye and Brisket Burger with Grilled Red Onion, Nueske Bacon, a generous slab of La Belle Farms Foie Gras, Roasted Garlic Tomatoes, Mayo and Truffle Fries...presented medium rare. I'm not a huge burger girl, but I almost lost consciousness from ecstasy when I took a bite. This was one foodgasmic concoction.

While we're on the subject of fries, Z Grille's aptly named "WTF Fries" with black truffle, manchego and chives pretty much left everyone's heads and taste buds reeling. They were some of the tastiest fries I've ever eaten. I think ruffies might be the "secret ingredient".

Tim's "Dr. Pepper Fried Baby Back Ribs" provided a well-appreciated and inventive Southern U.S./Asian fusion moment. Who knew there was even a culinary movement in that direction? The sticky, tender ribs were most yummily enhanced by their sweet chili glaze and sesame slaw accompaniment. A little bit of a brawl broke out since there weren't enough of them to go around, but the po-po settled us all down with the threat of tasering.

Our pal Rhonda gave high praise to her Chili Infused Shrimp Quesadilla...although it might be a tad spicy for the wimpier palate. The roasted tomatoes, garlic, applewood smoked cheddar, plump shrimp and cilantro melded beautifully and the Poblano Cream Sauce was a perfect accoutrement which worked well to deliciously and effectively dial down the heat factor. Oh...and isn't Ravishing Rhonda's bracelet to die for? Everyone who tasted this gave two thumbs up.

Last, but not least, Spicy Jumbo Shrimp Lettuce Wraps with sambal butter, garlic, jicama slaw and baby iceberg. I can't comment on the taste, but it looked pretty. Definitely a menu selection for someone who has the willpower to forgo epicurean decadence in exchange for a closetful of Junior-sized clothing. I think it's pretty much been established that I'll keep shoehorning bread pudding down my pie hole no matter how wide a ride I become. Kudos to Paula (aka Lettuce Wrap Gurl).

Overall, our group really enjoyed Z Grille. Most menu items we tried were well above average in taste, creativity and quality of ingredients...and the price structure was surprisingly reasonable. While it wasn't foodie nirvana in every respect, it came pretty damned close in a few.

Oh...and the icing on the cake of this day was getting to feed the pelicans on the St. Pete Pier. Maybe you haven't gotten the memo yet, but I was proclaimed their new Queen (at least until the next feeder threw down a five-spot). I wish a bucket of slimy bait fish had the same influential effect on humans.

http://www.zgrille.net/

Bistro Atlantis, Dunedin, FL

2013-03-31T17:31:00.000-07:00

I practically wag my tail until it's fractured when I dig up a hidden gem...makes me feel like a true "doggy girl" (an affectionate moniker bestowed by my beloved Underdog). Yes, it's okay to go ahead and throw up in your mouths a little bit, because gawd knows old people in love are super-disgusting. Blech.

Bistro Atlantis is an adorable oasis incongruously located in a fairly uninviting and older strip mall a few blocks from the almost cavity-inducingly charming main drag of downtown Dunedin. Lookie how cute:

AND...there's an open kitchen with a dining bar. That $#!+ always gets my pulse racing. Any resto that allows patrons to view the preparation of their offerings gets four paws up from me.

Lobster Bisque was creamy, liberally laden with lobster morsels and served with a bountiful drizzle of sherry. You want this.

The Jumbo "Shrimp Atlantis" for two consisted of half a dozen sweet and perfectly grilled specimens of said crustaceans served awash in a Satanic bath of olive oil, lemon, white wine, garlic and feta...each fetchingly perched atop a perfectly toasted bread round. Okay...it's a sharing plate, but I took four. The possibility of winding up in divorce court seemed like a risk worth taking under the circumstances.

Apparently, I am never completely satisfied unless I can find at least one thing to bitch about...and in the case of Bistro Atlantis, it was the total lack of a Chardonnay offering of any kind (by the glass or bottle). Fortunately, our adorable server (sorry...missed her name) was quick with the suggestion of an acceptably rich and dry Pinot Grigio...deftly diverting an impending (and likely explosive) ugly Oenophilia scene.

Entrees could not have been finer. The photo of my local farm peppers stuffed with seasoned ground beef, pork, herbs, spices and rice did not begin to do them justice. They kinda look like me with my non-made-up morning face and scarecrow hair, but trust me...they looked every bit as hawt as I do following a day of Botox, Juvaderm, brow sculpting, acrylic nails and salon highlights on the plate. Actually, better...there's only so much you can do at my age. Yeah, there was a plethora of spinach, but I have to get iron and folate from somewhere (last time I checked, wine wasn't a good source of either) and the feta cheese mashed potatoes were mind-blowingly good.

Dogboy channeled a Neanderthal as he stripped clean the bones of his juicy, rare lamb chops served with more of the cheesilicious Med-seasoned mashed potatoes and green beans.

Here's where you're gonna really start hating. Imagine (if you can) Handmade and fried Pumpkin Ravioli, adorned with Marscarpone, Maple, Grand Marnier and Cinnamon. It actually wasn't all that good.

April Fools' (and only a couple of hours early)! Imagine pumpkin pie on steroids and laced with crack. Not that I've ever tried crack (or steroids for that matter), but I imagine they would invoke a similar effect.

Dogboy surprised me when he ordered the Peanut Butter and Chocolate Pie, because neither of us are huge fans of either flavor...especially in that combination. Yes, it was a little sweeter than my palate prefers, but it was freaking amazing. The chocolate crust was thick, rich and decadent...making the perfect carrier for the luxuriously sturdy-yet-creamy peanut butter filling. I have only one thing to say about this, and it's "OMFG!".

Just in case you need a little inspiration following your Atlantis Bistro feast, there's plenty to be found in the Ladies' Room:

What can I say? I loved this little bistro (lack of Chardonnay notwithstanding). Ambience is most precious, service was attentive and the chef came over to personally check on us. All of this plus five glasses of wine set us back around $120...dining dollars well spent!

http://www.bistroatlantis.com/

Blue Marlin Restaurant, Bradenton Beach, FL

2013-03-17T14:25:00.006-07:00

I love exploring the greater Tampa Bay area in my "quest for the best" and have mined my share of hidden gems in Manatee and Sarasota counties. Beach Bistro, Harry's Continental Kitchen, Cafe L'Europe and Bridge Street Bistro (upstairs), please scooch over a bit and make room in the handbasket for my newly discovered south-of-the-Bay crush...Blue Marlin Restaurant on Bradenton Beach.

Cutely tucked away in a quaint area awash in galleries, shops, restaurants and bars (right across the street from the beautiful beaches of Anna Maria Island), Blue Marlin is as adorable on the inside as it is on the out. The blue and white theme is carried throughout the venue and decor has a decidedly "New England" feel. The seafood, however, is all local (procured from the fishing village of Cortez, right down the road) and as fresh as it comes.

We didn't have reservations (which, apparently, it is a good idea to have), so we planned to arrive shortly after the 5:00 opening...and it's fortunate that we did. A steady stream of snowbirds with rezzies ambled in over the course of our meal and we heard the host tell several callers that they were fully booked for the "sweet spot" between 7:00 and 8:30. We received awesome service from Ali, whose extraordinary level of professionalism belied her obviously tender years.

Let's get this party started! Blue Marlin serves wine and beer only, but the selection is broad enough to satisfy all tastes. My Butter chardonnay lived up to its name (I've gotta find some more of this shiznit) and was sold at a reasonable markup. I got the last bottle of it, too...which made it all the sweeter (or more buttery...however you want to look at it).

An amuse bouche of salted edamame was delivered in short order, which gave us something to nibble on while perusing the menu...nice touch.

Dogboy started with a cup of the outstanding Cortez Chowder. Grouper cheeks and fresh veggies married well in a savory tomato and saffron broth which also served as bath for one huge, fresh and succulent shrimp. I'll be the first to admit that I usually prefer creamy chowders, but this was amazing...delightfully fresh and flavor-intense.

The Fish Rolls also exceeded expectations. Tender grouper morsels were prepared "crab cake style" with minimal filler, rolled in panko breadcrumbs, deep fried and served with Garlic Aioli. I have one thing to say about this, and it's "Dayum!". The sidecar of pickled cabbage, however, was totally ignored.

P.S. I almost morphed into She-Hulk when I found out that the much-anticipated Stone Crab Mac 'n Cheese wasn't available on our visit. These guys have no control over the crappy 2012-2013 stone crab season, however, so I begrudgingly left the building intact.

My entree of Shrimp and Grits truly set the bar for said dish. The sheer size of the spicy crustaceans topping my high-end and most probably stone-ground grits (there are clearly no Quaker boxes in Blue Marlin's pantry) made me briefly ponder the misnomer that is "shrimp". It was insanely good and generously studded with crispy bits of smoky bacon...truly the stuff a Southern girl's dreams are made of. The sugar snap peas on the side were a nice touch, but I can't really report on them as I was saving room for dessert.

UD went with the Cortez Boil...more of the gigantic Gulf "shrimp" were served along with fresh Cedar Key clams, corn on the cob, chorizo and new potatoes in a seafood broth. The sweet cornbread accoutrement was delightful, but maybe not the best tool for sopping. I swapped my slab of crusty garlic bread (which appeared to work better as a carrier for the remaining broth) for one of his tender triangles of golden goodness and felt like I got the best end of that deal.

Despite my noble attempt at saving stomach space by totally ignoring my veggies, I was still too full for dessert but, hey, I've never let that stop me before and neither has my Better Half. Dogboy's Bourbon Chocolate Pecan Pie may have (may...I'm not saying for certain because the preparation of the two is quite different) eclipsed our previous favorite variation dished up at Keegan's Seafood Grille. Blue Marlin's version is a tad lighter in consistency and a little less fudgy...but toasted pecan halves, a great crust (is there lard in there?) and house made cinnamon ice cream made this baby a real contender. Not a scrap remained after Underdog had his way with it.

Ever the "Bread Pudding Gurl", how could I not order the Tropical Bread Pudding which promised (and delivered) orange, pineapple, spice, more mammoth toasted pecan halves and a liberal slathering of orgasmic pineapple rum and caramel sauce. Are you trying to seduce me, Blue Marlin? I hope so, because I'm taking my clothes off RIGHT NOW!

Huh? You didn't really want to see that? Sorry...I got carried away.

Blue Marlin is definitely worthy of a scenic, hour-long trip down I-75 south. Keep it in mind, my fellow Tampans, for the next time you're hankering for both a fine meal and a "beach fix".

http://www.bluemarlinami.com/

Istanblu, Tampa, FL

2013-03-10T19:02:00.002-07:00

I consider myself a fairly adventurous eater, but nevertheless felt a a little skittish at the idea of a taking a Sunday afternoon course in Turkish Cuisine 101. My "food fear" (which I hate to even admit that still sometimes exists) was borne mostly by trepidation when it comes to the unknown. An unspeakable number of soul-scarring events could've resulted from this visit, including being reminded of the Tennessee redneck that I am when I couldn't pronounce the menu offerings (coupled with having no idea what some of the shiznit even was), not to mention the most horrible possible scenario...throwing away good money on bad food. Ummm....just like most things I worry my ridiculously angst-ridden self about, these concerns were completely unfounded.

Feeling emboldened (and generous) after the consumption of a couple of 32 oz. Miller Lites over the course of "Oz, The Great and Wonderful" at the Centro Ybor Muvico, I offered to treat my precious Super Hero Dawg to a light tapas repast at Instanblu...just to get a feel for things. The chillaxing venue hasn't changed much since it was Sunday's Fine Dining a couple of years ago. We arrived around four-ish so the place was pretty empty. I found the soft, piped-in Eastern European music to be quite soothing....almost like being in a little Zen Garden. Our server, Chris, was excellent...friendly, attentive, patient and quite helpful when it came to guiding us through the unfamiliar menu.

UD and I both ordered a couple of glasses of wine from the short vino menu, which were presented with a foodgasmic loaf of freshly baked, charred on the outside and tender on the inside bread which could've almost been a meal in itself. We were warned upfront not to tear into it too quickly due to the high temp of the air inside, but I'll admit that I wavered a bit...third degree burns aren't that painful, are they?

We got started with cold mezes of grilled eggplant served in a moderately mild spicy sauce with fresh tomatoes, green peppers, garlic, parsley and olive oil, along with Haydari (a homemade yogurt thickened with garlic, feta cheese, walnut, fresh dill, mint and olive oil). I'll be the first to admit that I'm not much of a fan of cooked and chilled veggie concoctions (salsa and gazpacho included), so you'll have to let your personal tastebuds decide on the eggplant thingy, but the luxurious Haydari was like tzatziki on steroids and will never be forgotten. Sadly, it did not photograph well...pretty much blending in with the plate. Vampire dish, anyone?

Sigara Boregi (crispy, cigar-shaped pastry stuffed with feta cheese, Turkish cured beef pastrami, parsley and dill) totally delivered. Yummo.

Tender, lightly fried and savory zucchini pancakes with yogurt dipping sauce were delightful. This is a painless way for us to absorb a respectable amount of folates, Vitamin A, potassium and other unexciting nutrients, gurlz...especially if you're like me can't stand gagging down a jumbo vitamin capsule.

Our dessert portion of Baklava, which consisted of fine layers of crispy phyllo interspersed with honey and walnuts, brought the adjective "precious" to new heights and was beautifully accompanied by scoops of high-end vanilla ice cream. The chef signed this exquisite presentation in caramel, so I guess I'll have to stalk him, now. It's not like he gave me a choice.

While I'll be the first to admit that we stuck to some of the more familiar offerings on the menu, I do recommend giving Istanblu a whirl (even if you're not the most food-forward thinker). Take your taste buds out on a limb and don't be skeered...everything we tried was quite pleasing and (as an added incentive) this would be an exceptionally accommodating destination for vegans and vegetarians. Not that I, personally, would ever associate with anyone like that.

http://istanbluybor.com/MEET..html

Domani Bistro Lounge, Tampa, FL

2013-03-09T19:58:00.002-08:00

Finally...a Seminole Heights restaurant I can get behind. The Refinery and Ella's pretty much both left me cold, but I'm happy to say that I now have a new friend in the neighborhood.

The venue is charming, eclectic and exudes an old-school vibe which is revved up a notch via piped in tunes by the likes of Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole. The interior is understated and relaxing with wood floors, deep red walls and retro artwork. Did I mention that every staff member we interacted with (from bartender to our server, the beautiful Sierra) were both delightful and super helpful? Because I'd be remiss if I didn't.

We converged with my favorite food blogger (JR, publisher of the SOG City Oracle) and his lovely bride, who will be referred to going forward as BOBP (short for her richly deserved title of "Belle of Ballast Point").

Fresh and tender foccacia was delivered right off the bat along with herb infused oil for dipping. I'm skipping the photo-documentation of the bread because I have way too many more interesting food pics to share...starting with house-made Tater Tots Dauphine with curried ketchup dipping sauce. This was some "high cotton" redneck cuisine...and I should know. These crispy fried wads of shredded, carbolicious goodness were a real crowd pleaser.

The Smoked Salmon with House-Made Creme Fraiche and Fried Capers had me fighting off my dining partners with knife, fork and acrylic nails. Behold its pulchritudinous splendor. Mine, Mine, Mine.

Sambuca Mussels with Tomato Cream and Smoked Salmon were also delicious, tender and well received...although we weren't quite sure what the salmon brought to the table. We all agreed that the mussels would've been perfect without the salmon topper and that they had the potential to be even more impressive if given the chance to stand on their own. It's not as if anything was left in the bowl after this horde of locusts descended, however.

JR went "rogue" and brazenly ordered the starter even we self-proclaimed "foodie gurlz" feared....the Tuna Crudo with Quail Egg, Sriracha, and Gribiche. Neither the BOBP or I are fans of raw seafood, but the Y-Chromes fell upon it like stray dogs on a can of Alpo.

It seemed like too much of a missed opportunity to pass on the the Guinness & Gruyere Soup, so we all had a sample of its creamy, luxurious decadence. Croutons and a little bacon slab ratcheted the heinous factor up to the point at which the whole group just gave up and piled into the handbasket to hell (or fat pants). Aren't they basically the same destination?

Jeebus...hard to believe we kept eating, yet I'm embarrassed to say that we did. My Risotto with Crab, Marscarpone, Lemon Zest and Asparagus was very nice. If I have to bitch about something (and you know I must) it would be that someone was a little stingy with the crab meat. It was detectable, but barely so. Still, this was a better rendition than most risotto dishes I've tried...texturally perfect, it was cheesily dreamy and studded with fresh asparagus bits. I loved the subtle, lemony accent.

Underdog had no prob gnawing his Red Wine Braised Short Ribs right down to the bone. Their mashed potato carrier along with the accompanying fright wig of (surprisingly) delicious, crispy-fried shredded beets garnered a "two paws up" vote from Dogboy.

JR's Lavender Thai Chili Duck Confit with Herbed Cous Cous and Haricots Verts (which translates to "green beans" in Redneck Speak) made me bitterly wish I was him...despite the fact that the promised "crispy skin" was nowhere to be found. As it turned out, no one cared. SO moist, flavorful and delish!

The BOBP's Bacon Wrapped Pork Tenderloin was cooked to juicy, smoky perfection. The sides of Fresh Spinach, Spaetzle and Apple Dijon Gastrique proved to be the perfect accoutrements to this hearty winter dish.

Yes, we did make a half-hearted effort to Hoover down dessert. UD and I shared the Lemon Curd with Blueberries on a Granola Fig Crust. I love citrus flavors and appreciated the thickness, creaminess and tang of the lemon curd. The figgy granola crust added a somewhat chewy-yet-crispy (in a good way) interest...and, how can one ever go wrong by tossing a few plump, fresh blueberries into a dessert mix?

The BOBP's little edible chocolate cup filled with mousses of varying degrees of chocolate decadence (from white to dark and everything in between), also set everyone's taste buds aquiver...considering what little of it she was willing to share.

This stunning meal was quite a bargain for roughly $100 per couple before gratuity and with a couple of beer/wines apiece. The food was well above average (especially for the price point), service was friendly and accommodating across the board and the venue is fun, relaxing and clean. We likey.

http://domanibl.com/

Wimauma, Tampa, FL

2013-03-03T14:28:00.000-08:00

After being regaled by Underdog's coworker with tales of the wondrous brunch served at Wimauma, we finally dragged our arses out of bed and cleaned ourselves up at a reasonable enough hour on a Sunday morning to make brunch a viable meal option. The online menu looked enticing and I'd wanted to to try this place for quite awhile...I really wish I could say that I loved it, because I truly wanted to. I'm going to make a concerted effort to refrain from being mean, despite the fact that the high level of disorganization on our visit to Wimauma made it seem like there might not have been a manager/supervisor of any kind on duty.

The interior is small and cute in sort of a faux-rustic southern-chic kinda way (it reminded me of some places I used to frequent when I lived in Nashville back in the day). When we walked in, we were instructed to take a seat wherever we liked...which boiled down to our choice of any one of half a dozen or so vacant but uncleared tables. I'm sorry, but I can't remember a time when I was directed to sit at a table in a restaurant of this price point that had not yet been bussed. This was the beginning of a dining experience that was almost a comedy of errors. Our server was friendly but obviously had more to attend to than one person could efficiently handle. After clearing and resetting our table, drinks came pretty quickly - a requisite Chardonnay for me and Woodchuck Hard Cider for UD.

An unreasonable amount of time passed before we received menus because our server said they were experiencing a temporary dearth of them but he was "trying to find some", which seemed strange since no one else in the room seemed to have one and the place wasn't crowded to begin with. After a few minutes, we asked if maybe he could just give us a quick overview of a few of the brunch menu highlights, which he couldn't because he "didn't usually work brunch" and wasn't that familiar with the offerings. We even tried to bring up the menu online with UD's phone, but there was no wi-fi available. While our server continued his quest for the wayward menus, we observed a table of eight behind us, where entrees were being delivered piecemeal...one or two came out every five or ten minutes while the others sat, waited and watched their companions eat.

Ten more minutes passed before menus were finally located and presented. At that time, we were given the rundown of all the things that they were out of (because Monday is their "big shopping day"). Okay...so, if one is hoping for a full menu selection, maybe it's better to visit Wimauma closer to the beginning of the week. No okra, no oysters, no hushpuppies, no wedge salad. "How does one 'run out' of hushpuppies? I wanted hushpuppies! Make some more, dammit!", sayeth this spoiled redneck princess. Okay...I didn't really say that, I just thought it.

I ordered the Shrimp and Grits with sautéed Florida shrimp, poached eggs, white wine, tomato, basil and pork bark. Everything in this bowl was fabulous (except the tomatoes, which I abhor but don't mind picking out of most dishes as I did this one...no biggie, I knew they were coming). Creamy grits were topped with perfectly cooked eggs and shrimp, drizzled with a savory gravy floater and nicely studded with fresh basil and crispy pork bits. I thoroughly cleaned this plate like the proper Southern girl I am. As a side note, I don't think it looks as appetizing in this photo as it did on the table. It was really quite lovely.

UD's Almond Crusted French Toast with strawberry and pickled peach sauce, served with basil chantilly, was nice although slightly less well received. The almond encrusted bread was delish, but we both agreed that thicker slices would've probably stood up better to the copious amount of sweet-and-sour fruit puree slathered atop them. We can be judgemental like that, though.

Having been fans of Benton's Bacon for a few years now (we order it sporadically from their website for our own enjoyment at home), this side order lacked the luster we've become accustomed to in this fabu pork product. I'm not saying that what we were served was not Benton's because I don't know that for a fact, but it bore little resemblance to any of the fat slabs of smoky goodness we've ever received straight from the source (which is sold online and often on back order by several weeks). If you can run out of hush puppies and okra, it's not a far reach for me to believe you can run out of Benton's, too. Benton's Bacon channels Oscar Mayer:

By this point in the meal, I'd emptied my wine glass to a level at which I determined there was some sort of crusty residue at the bottom of my goblet. Oh, what the hell...the world is one big, germy petri dish, so it wasn't worth making a stink over. I actually think it's healthy to give one's immune system a workout. Still...it was one. more. thing. This must be how Chinese water torture finally gets to people.

We hesitated when it came to forging ahead with dessert, but ultimately decided to try Caramel Pie with Pretzel Crust. I ordered a water and Dogboy requested a Diet Coke...which, as it turned out, was also on the "we're out of it" list. Okay...make that two waters. The pie proved to be a nicely balanced combo of salty and sweet. Caramel custard was quite sturdy (in a good way) and the thick, obviously house-made crust provided the perfect carrier for it.

Would I return to Wimauma? It's somewhat unlikely. While we were satisfied with the overall food quality, dining out should be a relaxing indulgence and (unfortunately) enough minor aggravations piled up over the course of our brunch to significantly mitigate what would've otherwise been an enjoyable meal. And, yes...some might say it's not fair to post this after only one visit, but the fair comes to town once a year and this ain't the week. I rarely throw good money after bad and (just like first dates and fishing) I must be hooked on the first try when it comes restaurant repeat visits.

http://www.wimaumafoods.com/

Great Chefs of Tampa Bay, Saturday May 11, 2013

2013-03-02T15:51:00.001-08:00

For my fellow foodies...should be a great time for a great cause. Hope to see you there!

There are still a few spots available for chef participants. Please contact Betsy Lay at betsysullivanlay@gmail.com if you would like to play. You know you want to.

The 15th Annual Great Chefs of Tampa Bay Food, Fun and Family Support – Your Chance to Make a Difference!

The 15th annual Great Chefs of Tampa Bay is set for Saturday, May 11, from 6 to 9pm. The event showcases hors d’oeuvres prepared by talented Tampa Bay Chefs, wine, beer, an auction and live entertainment -- with all proceeds benefiting Family Resources. The funds raised will be used to directly benefit children and teens who may be abused, homeless, troubled and in need of help. This year’s event will take place at the spectacular Faith Mansion and Gardens. This private residence is an impressive example of Spanish Revival architecture and is located in a lush tropical oasis at 320 Park Street South in St. Petersburg. Guests will have an opportunity to tour the spectacular home and grounds and enjoy its unique furnishings, artwork and craftsmanship.

Family Resources is a non-profit social service provider for families in Pinellas, Pasco, Hillsborough and Manatee counties. Founded more than 40 years ago, Family Resources now operates 11 exceptional programs, including the SafePlace2B shelters in Clearwater and St. Petersburg for children between the ages of 10 and 17. Last year Family Resources helped thousands of our neighbors, including 781 families who received counseling and 859 young people who received shelter.

Other Family Resources programs include Kinship Care, which supports grandparents raising their grandchildren; Street Safe, a program that offers food, clothing and referrals to homeless young people; and a Teen Outreach Program, which has been proven effective at increasing academic success and reducing teen pregnancy.

Date: Saturday, May 11, 2013 Hours: 6:00 to 9:00 pm

Venue: The Faith Mansion and Gardens, 320 Park Street South, St. Petersburg

Tickets are priced at $100. To purchase tickets and for sponsorship and auction donation information, call Cheryl Harvey at 727.521.5202, or email charvey@family-resources.org

http://www.greatchefstb.org/

Cafe Ponte, Clearwater, FL

2013-02-24T14:10:00.001-08:00

Entering Cafe Ponte for the first time, I felt a little like Lewis Carroll's "Alice" must've when she stepped through the looking glass. How can one be in the ICOT Center parking lot on Ulmerton Road one minute, and standing inside what could easily pass for a high-end, "real city" resto in downtown New York, Philadelphia or Chicago the next? How have you managed to evade me for so long, Cafe Ponte? And why didn't Emeril tell me about you (he usually keeps me in the loop)? From the sleek furnishings, ultra-modern zigzag bar and gleaming open kitchen, it was a case of infatuation at first sight; then, shortly thereafter, obsession at first bite.

Underdog has taken clients to this upscale eatery for lunch on multiple occasions and suggested more than once that we try it for dinner, but for some reason I always balked. Groupon finally made the decision for me when I received their email offer of two 6-course tasting menu dinners for $80 (a $170 value). With Dogboy's birthday mere weeks away, it seemed like good way to kill two birds with one stone (and save some $$$ in the process). After the fact, I have to say that this was the bargain of the century...in fact, it left me almost feeling like I had stolen something). Having sampled multi-course tasting menus by Thomas Keller, Wolfgang Puck, Alain Ducasse and Masahara Morimoto (none of which were less than twice as expensive as Ponte's regular price and one that was not nearly as enjoyable as far ambiance and service...sorry, Thomas), Chef Ponte held his own amidst the aforementioned culinary major-league players in my humble, "regular food-loving girl" opinion....especially considering the price point and the fact that Clearwater is not exactly the epicurean hub of North America (at least not yet). Dishes were uniformly stunningly presented, fresh-tasting and creative without being ridiculously pretentious in the overly-foamed/nose-to-tail consumption/perpetually "deconstructed" kinda way that tends to tire me out a bit. Behold "The Precious"...our menu for the evening:

UD opted for the $35 wine pairing, while I stayed true to myself and ordered a bottle Wente Chardonnay to nurse. First off, a dedicated "bread server" stopped by so we could make our selections from a large basket of bountiful (and beautiful) freshly-baked offerings. In the interest of saving time and space, because this post is going to be stupidly long and image-heavy, I'll just say that both my kalamata olive bread and my better half's sweet onion foccacia were off the chain. A crock of soft, creamy butter was deposited on the table to go with (no foil-wrapped butter pats, here...thank goodness).

Our gastronomic journey was officially kicked off with an amuse-bouche of Goat Cheese Mousse with Candied Walnut and Chive. Two little spoonfuls of heaven.

Our first course, Mushroom Bisque with Black Trumpet Dust and Light Truffle Cream, was a mushroom-lover's dream. Velvety, earthy and funghi-riche with a tantalizing hint of truffle, nary a drop remained in either of our bowls.

The Bibb Salad was a miniature work of art. A perfect, single leaf of lettuce doubled as the "bowl", cradling fiji apple, shreds of jicima, butternut squash, pumpkin seeds, tiny tomato halves and bleu cheese crumbles...all drizzled in a refreshing orange-champagne vinaigrette.

Butternut Squash Agnolotti (a form of ravioli) was a real treat for the taste buds. Adorned with hazelnut, quince, brown butter sauce, sage, mascarpone and nutmeg, this pasta dish did a wonderful job of marrying savory and sweet seasonal flavors as well as providing textural interest. Plus, it was red-carpet gorgeous on the plate!

Oh, lookie...an intermezzo! Lime and Juniper Berry Gelee appeared just in time to cleanse our palates of all the previous nastiness before the main courses arrived. While it looked a little strange (and maybe even a little like anti-freeze), it was cool slurp of piney/citrus-y delight. Imagine a high-end, flavor-intense Jello shot without the booze...and without the Jello.

Given our sole opportunity for menu divergence, Dogboy the Coffee Hater went with the Spinalis (or cap of the Ribeye) sans the standard espresso rub (a request which was graciously accommodated). These juicy, flavorful slabs of bovine flesh were served atop a Potato Leek Pave (definition for my fellow rednecks: a veryspecial "hash brown patty") along with roasted shallot, wild mushroom ragout and sherry-shallot sauce. He proclaimed this unusual cut, which was exquisitely cooked to order, "the perfect steak".

And look what happened when I stepped away to the Ladies' room. I can't leave him unattended for 5 minutes. Honey, are you eating it or snorting it?

My Coriander-Crusted Black Grouper with Green Apple-Leek Risotto, Baby Carrots and Butternut Squash Chardonnay Sauce. A picture is worth a thousand words. Exquisite.

The Artisinal Cheese Course was petite and most precious...any more protein on the plate and it would've taken a sausage stuffing machine to get a bite of dessert down. Candied nuts and a delightful house-made sesame and caraway seed cracker made it even more special.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the incredible Safet, our Head Waiter (or whatever richly deserved deity-esque title is bestown upon him by his employer) who guided us through the menu and spoiled us rotten over the course of the evening. I always seem to develop little crushes on handsome, elegant European men who ply me with food and wine (even when I'm paying for it) and tonight was no exception. While the spousal unit is not the jealous type, he still always draws the line at letting me bring them home. All kidding aside, we got some of the most amazing, Continental-style service we've ever received in Florida at Cafe Ponte.

The dessert trio was mind-blowing as expected by this point in the meal. While not usually bowled over by creme brulee-type desserts, this white chocolate version was sheer decadence and my favorite of the three (tight race, however). The custard was creamy yet sturdy, and somebody had used a well-practiced hand with the torch. The Caramel Walnut Tart was only beaten by a nose and the Flourless Chocolate Cake certainly gave me nothing to complain about, although chocolate desserts don't thrill me like they did when I was younger and I never order them anymore. Ummm...that said, it was still really good. I was graciously presented with a complimentary glass of flowery, peach-and-honey forward Seven Daughters Moscato with my dessert course when the spousal unit received his pairing pour. Drool on!

I was just having fun with the "face-plant" pose. I know how to behave myself...truly, I do!

Happy Birthday to the very best husband in the world and thank you, Cafe Ponte, for making our celebration amazing!

http://cafeponte.com/

Apollo's Bistro, Apollo Beach, FL

2013-02-17T16:03:00.000-08:00

What could be more awesome than a lovely day trip to an area that is pretty much the equivalent of a canker sore on the most un-hip corner of Hillsborough County? I'm talkin' about Apollo Beach...which is uninspiring and certainly not "happening" as far as any sort of food scene (or much else that anyone gives a rat's ass about...except for the manatees). Chin up, AB...you will be the last and cheapest "undiscovered" Tampa Bay waterfront real estate mecca in five years or so.

On this cold February morn, I felt an urge to converge with my blubbery counterparts (still desperately trying to scrape off the 5 lbs. of vaca and holiday lard I packed on over the last two months of 2012)...so I insisted on a pilgrimage to the TECO plant in AB where the power station's discharge canal releases clean, warm water back into the bay, making it a veritable winter spa for us sea cows. It was an incredible sight, with literally hundreds of these gentle mammals basking in the temperate waters.

Dining options in the area are few, so we defaulted to Apollo's Bistro...which turned out to be sort of a drab, community cafeteria/banquet hall overlooking the HOA's tennis courts (not sure what was jacking this place up to an 88% "like" ratio on Urbanspoon, but I'm gonna reach long and guess it's the local AARP card carriers). At 2:30 in the afternoon, we pretty much owned the place along with its relatively sterile ambiance.

House Made Potato Chips with Bleu Cheese and Balsamic Vinaigrette Reduction were somewhat better than the average bear, but fell short of being anything I can label as "special".

Same goes for the Lobster Bisque. Grocery store freezer section variety and not particularly memorable. Oh, lookie...a foil-wrapped butter pat. Never a good sign.

Should I really keep going? My Club Sandwich was dull...as was the Publix-esque potato salad that came with. Not bad, not less than fresh, just boring. It was (yes...I'm going to say it) "old people food". And when old people like me turn their noses up at "old people food", you know it's ridiculously unexciting.

Fish and Chips were edible, which is the highest praise I can bestow in good conscience. Fries were crispy and the Basa (a catfish relative) was nicely fried. This place, while not being insultingly awful, definitely channels Shoney's of the 1980's in its unrelenting persuit of "mass appeal" mediocrity.

There was some kind of pre-fab berry pie served with ice cream that turned out to be reasonably tasty (someone put a little extra effort into the presentation with this one).

We received friendly, courteous service at Apollo's (and why wouldn't we...being the only patrons in the resto?). If I may be frank, this is not a dining experience anyone whose taste buds have not yet withered from age should seek out. If you live in the neighborhood and want someplace within walking distance for a beer and a sandwich, I guess it's not all that bad. I'm trying to be kind, here.

Somebody really got off on the injection molding machine cranking out little plastic manatees. Not naming names or anything.

Go for the manatees, but drive somewhere to the north (east, south or west for that matter) for lunch...even if it entails the dreaded culinary wasteland that is Brandon. And, yes...this post makes me feel mean.

Swordfish Grill, Cortez, FL

2013-02-10T17:35:00.001-08:00

Having had Star Fish Company in the historic working fishing village of Cortez (at the waterfront west of South Bradenton) on my wish list for quite some time, this gorgeous Sunday afternoon seemed like the perfect day to take a little drive down I-75 South to check it out. UD and I deliberately went later in the afternoon to (hopefully) avoid any lunch crowd since I was aware that the place is very small. The front of the building is a fresh seafood market, while the back serves a short and simple seafood menu to be enjoyed at one of six (I think) waterfront picnic tables. When we walked around to the back, we were in no way prepared for the fustercluck that was the Star Fish "restaurant". First of all, the tiny area was jam-packed with patrons jostling for morsels of food (and, to be fair, I'm assuming there's a good reason for that). There was no direction being given by anyone on staff...but judging from the broad swathe of humanity queued up behind a single window, we quickly surmised that this dining experience would be "Food Truck style". Ummm....NO. While I do adore food trucks, I was already bitchy from both hunger and navigating Bradenton traffic during snowbird season and was in no mood to fight for either my food or a gull-spattered seat at a communal picnic table (and the spousal unit was in total agreement with me on this one). We needed something a little more civilized.

Solace appeared a mere block or two away in the welcoming arms of Swordfish Grill.

Swordfish Grill has a rustic, Keys-y feel to it and (hallelujah) we were able to be seated immediately at a nice, shaded table on the tiki deck overlooking Sarasota Bay where I was finally able to exhale. It's tough to be cranky with a view like this:

Our server, Peggy, was a ray of sunshine...a true gem! Her sweet, positive attitude was infectious (plus she brought beer really quickly) and our savage beasts within were soothed in no time flat.

I'll admit upfront that I wasn't expecting the food to be particularly well done since waterfront tiki decks and memorable cuisine rarely go hand-in-hand...but Dogboy and I were both very pleasantly surprised by the quality and freshness of the relatively simple seafood offerings here. We started with a dozen Oysters Rockefeller, which (sorry, Keegan's...you've been demoted) were the best I've ever had. Oysters were large, tender and tasted uber-fresh; the spinach was perfect and completely sans any of that "greens funkiness" we all hated as kids and a generous portion of gooey, melted cheese was piled on top. Oh, and I totally loved the hint of Pernod in these guys. Showstoppers.

I also tried a cup of the Soup of the Day, which was a Cajun Shrimp Corn Chowder. This was a hearty and delish concoction which was of the ideal consistency for a chowder, in my opinion (slightly thick and creamy, without being overly rouxed or gruelishly thin). The chef was generous with the shellfish, corn and potato morsels and the addition of Cajun spices was just liberal enough to bring the faintest sheen of moisture to my upper lip. Nicely done!

My better half selected the Clams Casino, baked with bacon, peppers, onions, parmesan cheese and breadcrumbs as his entree. They, also, were super-fresh tasting. I'm not really a bell pepper fan (and there were copious amounts nestled in each shell), but I thought these clams were pretty damned fine, nonetheless. UD enjoyed them as well in spite of the fact that he was expecting less breading. I, however, thought the bread crumb application was pretty light compared to some almost stuffing-like renditions of Clams Casino I've tasted.

I considered Fried Clam Strips, but our sweet Peggy was quite honest when I queried whether they were frozen or freshly hand-battered and fried. She did not flinch, however, when I inquired about the freshness of the grouper ("super fresh/never been frozen"). Now you're talkin'! I'll preface this by saying I've eaten my weight in grouper sandwiches over the past 25 years of living in Tampa Bay. This was one of the best I've ever wrapped my lips around. The thick, sweet slab of grouper was exquisite...delicately battered, fried to perfection and served on the softest and loveliest roll one could imagine. I hate tomatoes so I promptly removed the slices that came with, but even I can recognize what a high-quality, freshness-forward slice of my slimy epicurean nemesis looks like. My selected sides of pineapple-studded cole slaw and a well above average redskin potato salad with a sour cream dressing also impressed for the venue and price point.

We were informed us that desserts were made in-house, which prompted us to try a couple even if it meant loosening our belts a notch. Key Lime Pie is done to death in Florida, but UD can never seem to resist the lure of it. Although this is a dessert that generally fails to thrill me, I was quite surprised at first bite by how firm, tangy and delicious it was (notwithstanding the fact that the whipped cream garnish had been so sloppily applied, presumably by either a kitchen neophyte or a 9-year-old, that Peggy apologized for it). Hey...we couldn't have cared less now that we both had a substantial lunch and three frosty beers under our belts. The intense Key lime flavor in this pie was off the grid, which could be attributable to the tiny flecks of lime zest in the custard. Exceptional.

I couldn't really forego Bread Pudding once I was alerted to its availability since it's pretty much my Kryptonite. Lovely and dense as it was (not to mention liberally slathered in a hedonistic Amaretto cream sauce), I would've preferred more crusty edges and less the hint of a "baked, then warmed again later in the microwave" texture. However, with this being the weakest link (if I must pick one), it's tough to imagine a better casual waterfront dining experience for the dollars.

What else can I say? We'd be happy to visit again anytime for both the food and the view despite the hour-long drive.

http://www.swordfishgrillcortez.com/Home.html

Cafe Dufrain, Tampa, FL

2013-02-09T16:11:00.000-08:00

Cafe Dufrain...I wish I could shower a little hate on you, if sheerly for the reason that you've kept yourself so well hidden from me. My stalkerish reputation must've preceded me and you were probably fearful that you'd need to take out a restraining order once I had a bite of that Satan-inspired Chicken and Waffle dish. You're on my radar now, so you'd better get your arse to the courthouse posthaste.

Being the Baby Boomers that we are, UD and I enjoy taking our largest meal of the day early on weekends so we can rush back to our recliners and heating pads by 6:00 PM...and Cafe Dufrain nicely accommodates our decrepit lifestyle by serving Saturday lunch until 3:00 PM with a menu that includes a nice selection of "supper" offerings for the heartier early afternoon appetite. Not to imply that Dufrain is an "old people" resto...quite the contrary, actually. This chic-looking little bistro overlooking the Hillsborough river was still half-filled with pretty patrons of all age groups when we arrived at 2:00 PM on this particular Saturday afternoon.

While the selection of wines by the glass and draft/bottled beers is not huge, there is definitely something for everyone to be found on it (wines by the bottle offerings are more extensive). I slurped away at the lightly-oaked L De Lyeth Sonoma Chardonnay while UD guzzled the delightful Swamphead "Wild Night" Honey Cream Ale. I may need a nap this afternoon.

Okay...who's ready for some Corn Porn? Sounds crazy, but the $13 "Corn Tasting" was ridiculously good. I'll get back to low-carbing tomorrow, now that I'm done freebasing the sweet Anson Mills Corn Pudding (Anson Mills being a corn product I've only found served locally at Datz to date), the tender Cornbread with crack-like Maple Apple Butter and the savory mind-and-taste-bud-blowing Anson Mills grits with Tasso and Smoked Cheddar. We had to hold ourselves back to keep from making a meal of this mammoth offering. Happily, I won't have to cook tonight. Time to carbo-load, UD!

Being a native Tennessean, I love both traditional and kicked-up Suthren fare, so Chicken and Waffles on a menu always sets my redneck heart to racing (although I generally find chicken breast to be dry and uninspiring, whatever the application). Not the case here! This huge breast portion (with some bones still intact, which probably served to retain its flavor and moistness) had an orgasmically crunchy crust and was beautifully presented atop two golden-brown waffle quarters. Did I mention it was drizzled in Rob Seal's spiced honey (sweet met heat in this match made in heaven)? Despite my daintiest intentions to eat only half, my inner lumberjack put my inner Jiminy Cricket in a headlock and nary a crumb remained after I had my way with it.

Our stellar server suggested a side of Collard Greens with Smoked Bacon, which perfectly complemented my entree. I haven't enjoyed a bowl of such fresh and pork-forward greens in 25 years. Here's how you obtain four times your MDR of Vitamin K while still ratcheting your cholesterol level ever-upward. Good meets Evil, and look how nicely they play together!

Underdog ordered the Meyers Teres, Lardo ‘Persillade’ with Ricotta Whipped Potatoes, Garlic Confit, and Roasted Cauliflower. I will begin by saying that the spousal unit would pretty much eat his own leg before he'd consume a cruciferous veggie (except for that one time at the French Laundry), but he actually nibbled on a couple of the caramelized sprigs of the cauliflower presented with his entree (somebody pass me the smelling salts lest I faint from the shock of it all). His tender slab of shoulder steak was juicy, flavorful and pink...and heartily snorted along with its dreamily creamy mashed potato carrier.

Jiminy must've momentarily extricated himself, because I strongly suggested that we forgo dessert...an idea which was quickly shot down. Dogboy had a hankering for the "Donuts and Coffee" offering (Warm Churros, Amaretto Pastry Cream, Espresso Foam and Lemon Curd Ice Cream)...only problem being, he hates coffee in any form. Our highly efficient server didn't blink when UD requested this dessert sans the foam. As it turned out, this was the best rendition of the whole "doughnuts as dessert" movement I've seen popping up on menus over the past couple of years. While not being generally a fan of the concept, these tiny, perfectly fried little churro bites, delightfully offset by tangy scoops of lemon curd ice cream and accented with Amaretto pastry cream, graham cracker crust crumbs and chocolate nibs, were pretty damned tasty.

The view from outside (notice the death grip on the Corn Porn remnants).

A huge lunch plus two draft beers and three glasses of wine set us back right at $100 before tip and I may not need to eat again for 48 hours. I loved this place...what more can I say? Highly recommended.

http://www.cafedufrain.com/

The Colonnade, Tampa, FL

2013-02-03T15:49:00.001-08:00

I'm just going to come right out and say it...I have an unapolagetic fondness for this iconic "Grand Dame" on Bayshore Blvd. While there are certainly no new culinary paths being forged at this old-school venue, restaurants don't stick around for almost 80 years unless they're doing something right. To fully appreciate it, you must first accept it for what it is. Comparing it to, say, Edison Food + Drink Lab, would be akin to comparing "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" to "Fifty Shades of Grey". You can't do it and it isn't fair to try.

Good thing they serve crabs here, because we had my in-laws in tow. Just kidding, Dad...you know I love you guys (smooches)!

After being promptly seated (it was only 4:00 PM, after all) at a comfy booth where the ILs could soak in the gorgeous bay view through the expansive picture windows, we settled in and received exceptionally fun, friendly and attentive service from Parker, who was a true professional. We opted to nibble on some onion rings while we perused the menu and The Colonnade's huge serving of feather-lightly battered, crispy on the outside and tender on the inside rendition of said app was quickly presented. These were some mighty fine onion rings that came close to rivaling Parkshore Grill's (which are the best in town, IMO). A zippy, horseradish-riche, Bloomin' Onion-esque dipping sauce came with.

A basket of warm, complimentary mini-muffins also appeared in short order. The little corn muffins were a tad dry but their moist and tangy orange cranberry counterparts compensated for that fact. And, yeah...there were foil wrapped butter pats (as well as little plastic condiment cups) involved over the course of the meal, which I was able to forgive due to the intrinsically historic nature of the venue. Sometimes (but not often), I will not hate on a resto of the 'Nade's price point for that transgression.

Entrees came with a nice selection of two sides (salads, potatoes and veggies). Cole slaw can often be disappointing, but not here. Mine was fresh, crisp and tossed in just the right amount of creamy dressing. The house side salad also appeared to be above average.

The "old folk", who are notorious for always ordering identical dishes, opted for the crab cakes and couldn't stop raving about them. These were not your run-of-the-mill crab cakes and had sort of a Cuban spin on them....almost reminiscent of an Ybor City "devil crab" with the crispy breadcrumb binder exclusively on the exterior as opposed integrated within the crabmeat patty. I'll be the first to admit that the presentation was lacking, but our elders freebased this shiznet like it was crack. Carole deemed it "the best crab cake I've ever eaten"...and she's eaten a lot of 'em.

Perhaps the baked potato is better represented in the photo of my entree..."SOS" (shrimp, oysters and scallops). Being a Tennessee gurl, anything breaded and fried makes me tingly all over and The Colonnade cooks seem to have their Fry Daddy under masterful control. The shellfish morsels all tasted quite fresh and were lightly crusted and fried to perfection (seafood is hand-breaded here...there's nothing frozen/prefab going on, which always elicits kudos from me) . Bacon bits and sour cream were available (along with butter, of course) for the baked potato. It was a ridiculously huge amount of food for under $20.

Dogboy selected the Lobster and Shrimp...freshly steamed whole lobster and broiled shrimp stuffed with crab meat (lobster was cracked tableside by Parker), Simple perfection. The side of beer-battered fries were proclaimed "some of the most wonderful fries I've ever eaten" by said Superhero Dawg.

Dessert offerings, while not cutting edge, were done well nonetheless. This Coconut Cream Pie might not look like Angelina Jolie on the Red Carpet, but it was a perfectly executed delight...resplendent in its flaky, tender crust and cloud-like, creamy coconut filling.

Parker had me at "copious" when he described the Fried Cheesecake (Fried Tortilla Shell Filled with Banana Cheesecake, Rolled in Cinnamon Sugar, Drizzled with "copious" amounts of Caramel Sauce). So good.

Nice retro dining experience. Don't expect a "see and be scene" crowd here...patrons are predominantly baby-boomers (and their parents). Entrees (mostly under $20) are huge and all-inclusive of bread/starch/veggie. The view is almost unsurpassed in Tampa Bay. Loved getting a generous pour of Kendall Jackson Chardonnay for $5.95, as well. Good times!

http://www.thenade.com/

O Bistro, St. Petersburg, FL

2013-01-29T19:10:00.002-08:00

Gather 'round, my Wonder Bread and Velveeta loving friends....because I haz the place for you!

I'm going to try hard not to hate (but let's not forget what the All Wise and Knowing Yoda said about "try"...I know I never do)...I guess I just expected more based on O Bistro's interesting-sounding online menu. However, a Nursing Home level of "unseasoned" isn't really a BAD thing when it comes to food, is it? Especially when you're trying to eat less. Plus, I was one of the youngest of the AARP card-carriers in the venue and feeling comparatively young (even for an hour) always puts a smile on my face.

I met up with my galpal, Aries Wench, on this particular Sunday afternoon for a belated birthday lunch. Service was painfully slow after we took a table in the bar area where a sweet and helpful but clearly overwhelmed bartender was trying to single-handedly keep too many remnants of the "after church crowd" happy. To be forgiving, we were in no particular hurry and had our cocktails to tide us over (and there was a decent selection of wines by the glass and interesting martinis available). Thankfully, it's tough to "eff" up Hess Chardonnay and Bloody Marys. Soups, however, did not receive a similar reprieve. All right...they were fine, albeit less than special (see, I'm trying),

I'm a chunky tomato hater from way back, although I can truly enjoy cooked tomatoes in a homogeneous form (as in Italian red sauces, picante sauce, ketchup and creamy soups). The Tomato Basil Bisque with Gorgonzola sounded pretty mouthwatering, but was an exceptionally thick concoction laden with fairly hefty pieces of tomato and not at all what I was expecting. It was my bad for ordering this without asking for a description because the flavor had potential, but I was put off by the chunkiness of it on a personal tastebud level.

I slid the cup to the side of the table, uneaten and without complaint. Our server seemed concerned, so I assured her "it's not you...it's me" (since that always make breakups and such so much easier to swallow, right?). She very sweetly offered to replace it with the Crab, Shrimp and Corn Chowder soup du jour, so I took her up on it.

My galpal and I thusly both wound up with the same soup, which had a nice flavor but was relatively thin and skimped heavily on the promised ingredients. While it did taste like it had been started with a crab and shrimp stock, actual seafood bits were nowhere to be found. It also could've used a thicker roux, some half-and-half, and more than eight tiny corn kernels. But look on the bright side...doesn't Aries Wench's manicure look lovely? That textured look is cutting edge and known as "Liquid Sand". Oops...I digress.

I suppose I also had it coming when I asked for the Chunky Chicken Breast Salad with seedless grapes, chopped red onion and low-fat mayo and sour cream dressing. When will I ever learn that being righteous doesn't pay? Boring, boring, BORING. It was supposed to be served with a side of fruit, but somehow they had run out of fruit by 2:00 PM that afternoon. No worries...fruit also doesn't excite me much and our server graciously offered to let my soup do stand-in duty as my side. The blueberry muffiin tasted like it had been served straight from an Entemann's box.

Ms. K, however, seemed to enjoy her Chicken, Portobello and Provalone Panini with roasted red peppers and balsamic vinaigrette although I wasn't inspired to try a bite.

Her Espresso Martini dessert was delectable...and looked almost as good as she did that day. *tink*

Final word: Maybe best for late night cocktails or Sunday lunch with your 80 year old granny (or super-picky friends with unadventurous palates...and we all have a few of those we can't help but love in spite of that fact). The cuisine, while not bad, was mediocre at best on my visit. I couldn't in good conscience recommend O Bistro based on the few menu selections I sampled unless you're on a VERY bland diet. Oh, and look...once again I did not completely succeed in not hating (sorry, Yoda). Imagine that!

http://obistroonline.com/

Slyce Pizza Bar, Indian Rocks Beach, FL

2013-01-27T15:30:00.001-08:00

Everyone hold onto your hats, because there are two common menu items upon which I almost NEVER bestow superlative adjectives (pizza and sandwiches, especially at the local level), having developed a ridiculously spoiled palate over the past decade...but I am seriously oozing some bona fide pizza and slider lurve right about now.

Slyce Pizza Bar is an urban-chic little pizzeria right across the street from the Gulf of Mexico which offers a full liquor bar with a respectable selection of beer and wine, indoor and outdoor dining, comfortable bar with sports-broadcasting flat screens, decent acoustical entertainment that is dialed down to a convo-friendly level and pretty much the best pizza I've ever eaten in Florida.

We opted to sit outside because the interior was noisy and packed...plus, it was a nice night for al fresco dining. While I slurped my $9.75/glass La Crema Chard, UD chilled with an imported Czech brewski.

Garlic knots impressed. The hot and crispy on the outside/moist and tender on the inside freshly baked rolls set my taste buds to dancing "Gangnam Style" after a week of low-carb damage control (hellish as always). Awash in butter and garlic, the side of zesty marinara sauce only served to ratchet up their "evil" factor, so obviously it was out of my control...I had to eat two. And just when I was imagining that I could almost slide a finger under the waistband of my "fat jeans". I'm officially in a love/hate relationship with you, Slyce...you unsupportive bastard!

We also tried the trio of Sliders (all served on delicious house-baked rolls):

Meatball - Thinly sliced meatballs topped with our pizza sauce and melted Mozzarella cheese.
Sausage/Pepper/Onion – A mixture of mild Italian sausage, roasted peppers and onions, and melted Provolone cheese.
Prosciutto – Shaved Italian ham, seasoned mixed baby greens, sliced tomato, and fresh Mozzarella cheese finished with a drizzle of balsamic glaze.

All fresh tasting and fantastic! The creamy, roasted veggie pasta salad on the side was one of the best pasta salads I've ever eaten. At the risk of being redundant..."fresh" seems to be the operative word at Slyce.

On to the pizza. You may either create your own concoction here or order a specialty pizza. A nice touch offered by this establishment is that you can order a half-pizza...which we both wound up doing since it was either my way or divorce court, having my heart totally set on the Meatball Mushroom pie. As it turned out, while my pizza was totally fabu (featuring a generous topping of hearty meatball slices and a plethora of funghi, laden with plenty of melted cheese and served atop a light and crispy crust), UD's Pear a Dice (olive oil, fresh sliced pear, Gorgonzola and Mozzarella cheeses with shaved Prosciutto) was mind-blowingly good. The sweetness of the pear was the perfect foil to the salty slivers of dry-cured Italian ham. Amazing.

We got adequate service at Slyce and the food far surpassed expectations. Awesome casual beach fare.

http://slycepizzabar.com/

Stefano's, Indian Rocks Beach, FL

2013-01-20T13:27:00.001-08:00

I so wanted to love Stefano's...I was almost in love with it before I met it. Fiocchi is on the menu, for gawd's sake...one of the best pasta dishes on the planet and one I was first introduced to on a trip to Florence several years ago at La Trattoria 4 Leoni, which (somewhat surprisingly) is not that easy to find on Italian restaurant menus in Tampa. I went in expecting a passionate foodgasm and emerged feeling like I'd just kissed my brother.

The place looks like a hole in the wall from the outside, but is eclectically charming and warm on the inside. The works of local artists are on display (and for sale) in the dining room and kitchen utensils are combined with sparkly ornamental balls hanging from the ceiling to create interest. Soft, jazzy muzak added to the romantic and relaxing ambiance. Just a taste:

My starter of Eggplant Parmesan definitely raised my expectations for the rest of the meal. The tender eggplant had been peeled and obviously "sweated" to remove any hint of bitterness. The generous panko-crusted slabs were served hot and crispy, layered with melted mozzarella cheese and drizzled with a fresh-tasting, zesty marinara sauce. It was SO perfect...I could eat this all day.

While I'm on the "good" portion of the meal, plenty of positively fabu Italian bread was presented throughout the course of our dinner in various and appropriate states of toastiness. Service was also attentive, albeit in a family-run resto kinda way.

UD was excited at the lovely sight of his "Steamers" in garlic white wine sauce...but they proved to be a bit tough and flavorless. The broth, however, was so sop-worthy that we easily plowed through our seemingly never-ending supply of bread mopping it up.

The soup of the day (lentil and Italian sausage) was hearty if not a tad bland. Not sure what was missing, but it seemed like something was.

House salads were fresh and crisp, albeit reminiscent of the "bag-o-salads" available at every grocery store. Fresh tomatoes were the only addition to the greens. I did love the zippy, house-made citrus vinaigrette served atop them, however.

Things took a decided turn for the worse when our pasta dishes arrived. Dogboy's seafood and linguini "special" was only okay. "Overcooked" seemed to be the word of the day as the soggy pasta had been boiled well past the al dente state, and both the fish chunks and mussels were dry and tough. Two large shrimp in the dish managed to avoid the fate of the other ingredients. The lobster sauce topping it all was relatively tasteless, but a fra diavolo sauce alternative was also available which might've added more zesty interest.

I was so hyped about the Fiocchi (little pasta purses filled with pear and cheeses) menu option that I chose to forego the appetizer option and make it my main course. My introduction to this dish in Florence (served with asparagus tips) was so mind-blowing I had to order a second bowlful. Almost in a dead heat for awesomeness is the Fiocchi served at Osteria Natalina in South Tampa. Bella's Italian Cafe (south Tampa) has an "also-ran" version with peas that's a decent rendition. The gummy pasta, canned pear taste and bland sauce presented by Stefano's disappointed. Badly.

Dessert was beautiful and tasti-licious, even though ice cream usually fails to thrill me. Who could resist this perfect ball of spumoni enveloped in a hard chocolate shell and served with fresh strawberries and whipped cream? I couldn't keep my fork out of it.

Too few "hits" and too many "misses" will keep me from returning anytime soon, although the place does have potential. Maybe it was off night, or perhaps my palate is still spoiled from a week's worth of snorting pasta on the Amalfi coast less than two months ago. Judge for yourself.

http://www.stefanos-italian.com/index.html

Charley's Steak House, Tampa, FL

2013-01-13T16:06:00.001-08:00

Over the past 25 years I've lived in Florida, Tampa has become awash in "high-end" steakhouses. All the usual suspects arrived one by one...Ruth's Chris, Fleming's, Capital Grille, The Palm and Shula's. Charley's, however, has been here the entire time...and is in a league of its own as far as I'm concerned. I've tried them all and, while all are more than adequate, none give me the warm fuzzy feeling I get when I walk into Charley's. The energy, ambiance, convivial buzz and hammered copper bar let you know right off the bat that you're in for something special. We converged once again to break bread with my favorite local resto blogger, JR (editor of The SOG City Oracle) and his lovely spouse, the Belle of Ballast Point (whom will be referred to as the BOBP going forward to save time since this post is going to seem like The NeverEnding Story before I'm done). I did not get photos of the entrees ordered by those two, but you may view them and read the Oracle's take on the dining experience right here. There was a swoon-worthy Wagyu ribeye involved, so I suggest you take a peek.

I get to Charley's about once every once every three or four years. Not because I wouldn't like to go more often...but because it's not cheap. And it shouldn't be. I'm kind of a creature of habit when it comes to Charley's because they offer a couple of menu items that I am invariably drawn to (moth to flame stuff). Even though vodka has proven to be a fickle friend over the years (nothing like that back-stabbing bitch Tequila, but untrustworthy nonetheless), I never fail to start off with one Cosmo...perfectly made and gigantic, just as God intended. The generous cocktail shaker overflow was poured into a water glass which was promptly and appreciatively snorted by the BOBP, who lost her Cosmo Virginity that night (she was long overdue).

Before I get started on the food, I must say that our servers (the "Daves"...Dave One a seasoned professional and Dave Two a trainee) effortlessly met our every need. We brought our own wine (you can do that at Charley's by paying a relatively nominal corkage fee of $15/bottle) and the reds were decanted for us while the whites were nicely chilled. And, yes...I'm a heathen who likes to drink big, oaky Chards with absolutely everything...even red meat. Mer Soleil stood up nicely to my steak, I think. JR liked it, too...although the BOBP and UD preferred the Italian Barolos we toted along.

First up...stone crab. This shiznit is like crack to me...every time I eat it, it's all I can think about for days (my favorite food is a toss-up between these guys and foie gras). It's hard to screw up stone crab unless it's not fresh, so of course these chilled claws along with their accompanying mustard sauce were amazing (we WERE at Charley's, after all).

Not surprisingly, everyone at the table agreed that the Beef Tenderloin Carpaccio was some of the best we've ever had. The freshness was undeniable and the accoutrements of capers, aioli, red onion and perfect little toast points rounded out this crowd-pleaser nicely.

The Charley's house salad (a simple but well-done concoction of chilled greens chopped tomatoes, sliced olives, grated cheese and a pleasing vinaigrette) coupled with a basket of warm and tender fresh cheesy bread were the only things included with our entree selections...all other side dishes were a la carte.

A freshly butchered cow had been wheeled by on a cart a bit earlier so we could all view the available cuts and be briefly educated on the wet aging process. This bloody bovine specatacle is enough to even make the most self-respecting caveman go weak in the knees. Vegans...look away now, lest you turn into pillars of salt.

I get the same steak every time I visit Charley's, which is kind of an embarrassing thing to confess. I'm not a huge "red meat girl", nor is tenderloin high on my list when I'm in the mood for a steak...but I lurve Charley's 10 oz. filet prepared (modified) "Oscar-style". Topped with a fried soft-shell crab and slathered in Hollandaise sauce, this will definitely be included in my "last meal" request should I ever find myself on Death Row.

Upon slicing it open, something horrible and mind-scarring occurred. After requesting that be cooked medium-rare, there was only the vaguest hint of pink remaining in my steak. I don't usually send things back to be "fixed" or replaced, having been regaled with tales of horror by a restaurateur I knew back in the '90s warning me of the potential dire consequences of doing so, but I felt relatively safe pointing the discrepancy out to our fabulous Daves considering the caliber of this particular restaurant. I'm not sure I could've experienced a more concerned response had I discovered a dead rodent on my plate. While the seemingly horrified Daves rushed off to procure a perfectly prepared replacement filet, a manager approached our table to offer his apologies, ensure that I didn't need a sedative, smelling salts or an ambulance in light of the trauma I had suffered and offer comped desserts for our party. This compensatory gesture and the level of professionalism displayed by the resto's staff far exceeded the minor transgression of serving me an overly grey tenderloin.

Oh...and both the BOBP (who had a classic Filet Mignon) and I ordered a fabu Loaded Baked Potato as a side dish. Huge, salt-encrusted and jam-packed with sour cream, bacon and other goodies, this decadent spud was well worth the $4 surcharge.

UD's inner Neanderthal could not resist the only dry-aged steak on the menu...the dinosauresque bone-in Bison ribeye. I was proud of him for lifting his bloody knuckles up off the cave floor and devouring every scrap of this flavorful and deceptively lean cut of beef using a knife and fork. I also didn't miss the opportunity to sneak a bite or two of his heavenly side dish of Au Gratin Potatoes.

How I managed to miss a taking a shot of JR's swoonworthy Wagyu Beef Ribeye, I'll never know (there's a slight chance that wine could be to blame). You can view it here. If you think you might want to order, be sure to bring your American Express Platinum card. Pricey, but deemed "worth it".

Dessert time was almost like "Sophie's Choice". Behold some of our many options. I'll take those smelling salts, now.

We ultimately decided to share two mammoth and mind-blowing sweet endings. First up, a massive dense and moist slab of carrot cake topped with Haagen Dazs ice cream. Ummm....Yeah, Baby!

The "Apple Fantasy" was another wonder to behold (and inhale)...a cross between a crisp and a pie, this dessert was chockfull of spicy, tender apple slices nestled among flavorful and substantial slabs of a thick, crust-like product redolent of brown sugar and cinnamon that was practically a dessert on its own. Of course, there was more ice cream.

Charley's has been one of my faves for a very long time. Expect to spend a leisurely three hours enjoying your dinner...this is an "experience", not simply a "meal". One of the best dining options Tampa has to offer for steak lovers.

http://www.talkofthetownrestaurants.com/charleys_tampa.html.

Palm Pavilion Beachside Grill and Bar, Clearwater Beach, FL

2013-01-05T16:56:00.002-08:00

Our word for the day is "uninspiring", kiddos. Palm Pavilion has somehow managed to stick around as a Clearwater Beach icon since 1926, but I'm guessing that's more attributable to its bar, primo location (smack-dab in the sugar-white sand overlooking the Gulf of Mexico) and tourist orientation than to any sort of ongoing commitment to quality. I guess I'm overdue for a bitchfest, so buckle up.

With my niece and her bff in town who were ~~forced~~ eager to spend the afternoon with us (and what teenager doesn't live to while away a Saturday afternoon in Florida hanging with Baby Boomers?), UD and I were challenged to find something remotely cool to do with them. A beach lunch seemed perfect considering the gorgeous weather, so we made a beeline for CWB.

Look...so beautiful, happy and optimistic. They had no idea their lunch was going to pretty much suck. Maybe Magic 8 Balls should be dispensed with each menu.

The gurlz were troopers, though...despite the fact that the food failed to excite even the relatively accepting palates that come with youth. The smoked fish spread was the blandest and most unspecial I've ever eaten. Heavy on the mayo with a total lack of smoked flavor in the stingy flakes of fish product, I could've been eating Subway Tuna Salad and not known the difference. Really...SO much better to be had at Frenchy's, Keegan's, Walt'z and even Crappy Bill's (which I hate). An absolutely tasteless rendition adorned with three pieces of flatbread and a few wilted cuke slices that had clearly seen better days.

UD tried the Shrimp and Crab Chowder which garnered an "average" rating. I didn't like it at all (again, Frenchy's, Keegan's and Guppy's all offer soups that whoop ass on this strange, chunky and veggie laden concoction which tasted a bit too much of "Krab" to me). Sorry...it just wasn't good.

My first choice was grouper cheeks, but they were not available. I asked about stone crab claws because I wanted our Georgia visitors to try a taste, but was told by our server that stone crab season just ended. It's January 5th...REALLY? I thought about the fried clams, but our waitress admitted they were frozen. So...how can one go wrong with a grouper sandwich, right? The portion was huge and nicely fried, but tasted like it had spent a little too much time in the freezer. I've also been served crisper and fresher-tasting coleslaw at KFC. There are many opportunities for local seafood restos to procure fresh product on the Pinellas beaches, but this venue is clearly more of a bar than a restaurant. While I totally enjoy a well-prepared grouper sandwich for what it is and in no way expect it to be foodgasm fodder...I do expect it to be fresh.

The hubster's Coconut Shrimp were obviously prefab, as were the black beans and rice that came with. No one is working too hard in the kitchen to make anything more special than a beer-absorption sponge. He also requested fruit along with his side order of cottage cheese (and don't even ask me what was up with him ordering cottage cheese, but I think his AARP status is now "official"), and a few grapes were presented nestled atop his little condiment dish of Breakstone. WTF?

Is this really "The Best Burger on the Beach" as advertised on the menu? Can you spell "hyperbole"? Cassidy was obviously unimpressed and dubbed the fries "the highlight of the meal". Either the kitchen or the universe is clearly out of kilter when a teenager won't eat a hamburger.

My precious Halle attempted to step out of the "burger box" and ordered Fiery Shrimp Flatbread with seasoned shrimp, onion, green peppers, tomatoes, cheddar-jack and Palm's "famous" chipotle sauce. Taco Bell must've provided the inspiration for this. It literally tasted like nothing, which led to some head scratching over the "fiery" description.

What is served here is no better than fast food. Come for drinks and come for the view...but don't come expecting anything more from the cuisine than stomach filler.

http://www.palmpavilion.com/menus_restaurant.html

Matyson, Philadelphia, PA

2013-01-03T19:58:00.001-08:00

Oh, Matyson...I have had you on my Philly wish-list for so long. I deeply regret that it's taken me three years to work you into my dining schedule when visiting the City of Brotherly Love because I am crushing on you SO hard after our New Year's weekend brunch.

How do I love thee...let me count the ways. First off, I love the way Philadelphia is jam-packed with BYOB restos (most with minimal or no corkage fee). Apparently, only a very limited number of liquor licenses are granted within any given radius in the city, so the many wonderful restaurants that can't get them will let you bring your own wine/beer/liquor and provide setups for purchase. Matyson has been on my radar (and I on their email distribution list) for quite some time, so I was already well aware of their farm-to-table philosophy and constantly changing menu. Also (happily), a package store is only a block away so you can easily stock up on your libations of choice five minutes before meal time. In our case, it was brunch...so chilled Korbel seemed a noble enough offering for Sunday mimosas.

Let me in...it's 20 below out here! Okay, maybe 38 degrees...it's all the same to a Floridian.

The interior was adorably cozy and sweetly chic. UD settled in under the charming holiday display while our lovely hostess, Lauren, promptly dispatched a carafe of OJ so we could begin mixing our hangover helpers posthaste.

The brunch menu almost set off a divorce war, since we were both initially hell-bent on the Chicken and Waffles, but we reached a peace treaty when UD noticed that house-made scrapple was available...along with a decadent Brioche French Toast with Pear Compote and Hazelnut Praline.

My chicken and waffle with its sweet-yet-spicy Korean chili sauce; beautiful, golden-brown waffle; surprisingly juicy, tender and flavorful Corn Flake (I'm guessing here) crusted chicken tenders and perfectly fried egg almost made me faint from ecstasy. You want this.

The Brioche French Toast was totally unsurpassed...an amazing rendition I was fortunate enough to barter a bite of. While I must admit that I do not ordinarily share my Pennsylvania boy's love of scrapple, Matyson's house-made version was of "Iron Chef" caliber. The dense and hearty matzo-bound slab was comprised of more traditional cuts of pork (jowls, hocks, etc.), as opposed to pig noses and gawd only knows what else gets tossed into the mushy Jones Farm variety found in our local grocery store. It had a sturdier texture and decidedly less "offal-y" taste than any scrapple I've ever tried.

Underdog loved everything, but the scrapple offering had him begging for a second "dessert slab", drizzled in maple syrup if his request could possibly be met...which it cheerfully was. Oh, and I would be remiss if I failed to mention the stellar hash browns.

Cannot wait for the opportunity to return for dinner. Matyson is the bargain of the century based on food quality and the BYOB option. You guys rawk!

http://matyson.com/

Morimoto, Philadelphia, PA

2013-01-01T15:16:00.001-08:00

After pretty much spending the entire month of December wondering what in the hell I could possibly give a man who already has everything he wants (and promptly purchases those items he doesn't have the moment they are processed by his neanderthal brain as "needs"), I was at a complete loss as far as a Christmas gift for him. Already planning a New Year's weekend trip to Philly, the tiny cogs in my matchmaking head started spinning wildly as they forumulated a way for UD to hook up with his preeminent mancrush, Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto...or at the very least, a few of his culinary creations.

After securing 7:00 PM reservations via OpenTable.com, we slid into a primo table (with some kind of weird phallic lamp in the center of it...was never quite sure if its purpose was to provide ambient lighting or, ahem, "set the mood") for two right on time. UD waxes enthusiastic:

The interior was slick and the ever-changing color scheme of the translucent booths was whimsically charming and somewhat reminiscent of "the Horse of a Different Color" in The Wizard of Oz.

The spousal unit opted for the "chef's choice" tasting menu which allowed him to place himself in the capable hands of our famous executive chef and enjoy a multi-course extravaganza of whatever the staff decided to put before him. Priced at $80, $120 "and up" per person, he decided to be gentle with my debit card and settled for the $120 sampling along with the mid-priced Beverage Omakase ($65 for a carefully chosen adult beverage pairing with each of the Godzillion different courses). First up, Yellowtail Tartare with Caviar, Crispy Shallots, Leeks and a Japanese Peach garnish. I don't care much for uncooked seafood, but even I was able to savor a forkful of this ocean-fresh tuna with dashi dipping sauce. Paired with a glass of Chandon Brut Rose, Dogboy deemed it "divine".

Next up was a trio of perfect, tiny raw oysters served with a glass of Morimoto Sake. One topped with Japanese Salsa, one with Citrus Ceviche and the last with Thai Pepper Sauce, they were slurped down in veryshort order. Again, not being a fan of raw mollusks (coupled with a vague recollection of being literally carried out of a Japanese restaurant back in the '80s after a couple of bottles of saki crept up on me unexpectedly), I steered completely clear of this offering.

Dish three in Jimbo's raw fish overload were some thin slices of scallop served in a garlic ginger bath of hot oil. There was a Spanish wine paired with it (we think it was called "Vermentino", but we had already imbibed ourselves way into "thank God we took a cab" mode by this point so it honestly could've been Mad Dog 20/20 for as much as I can recollect).

An incredibly mild Whitefish Carpaccio with Yuzu Soy, Hot Oil and Mitsuba Leaf was the next item slid under UD's snout (we'll get to what I had after I finish walking you through the never-ending tasting journey experienced by my better half). He adored it...and while it didn't look all that bad to a non-sushi lover, I was increasingly happy that I'd ordered a la carte off the regular menu.

Let's move on to the Japanese Amberjack Sashimi Salad served up with a generous pour of Hess Sauvignon Blanc. There seemed to be no end to the ubiquitous bounty of raw sea creatures plated up at Morimoto. These are the shameful times when my redneck palate cannot be concealed and I am left bitterly longing for a skillet of hot oil and some cornmeal batter for dredging.

While I didn't covet most of Underdog's plates, his Lobster Epice (lobster roasted in an eight-spice blend served with yuzu creme fraiche) was taste that I could probably kill for under the right hormonal circumstances. Served with a glass of Cartlidge & Brown Chardonnay, this sweet and spicy crustacean was nothing short of amazing.

Yes...there's still more. A little Kobi Short Rib appeared to (I'm assuming) gently lower UD off the Orgasmic Cliff after what we both thought was the "pièce de résistance". This tender morsel was nicely paired with Napa Cellars Pinot Noir.

The phenomenal Morimoto tasting menu culminated in a Chocolate and Chestnut Torte with Rum Bourbon and Rice Pudding layers coupled with a five-year-old Madeira.

So...great for Dogboy you say, but what about our poor, frail Sweet Polly who narrowly escaped death by bird flu just days earlier? Still feeling peaked, "dainty" was the order of the day...although I did manage to single-handedly snort a bottle of Bele Casel Prosecco over the course of the evening (at Morimoto's price of of $58 per bottle for a $15.95 bottle of sparkling wine...a "reasonable" markup by industry standards, albeit one that still kinda makes me want to clutch my pearls).

I went "landlubber"for the evening and started with the Roasted Foie Gras served atop a crispy rice cake with cranberry sorrel. It was a beautiful and mightily hearty portion for $26 and perfectly prepared. I felt ~~a little~~ not in the least bit guilty for not sharing. I love fruit accents with foie gras, and the sweet and tangy cranberries made the perfect foil for the earthiness of the perfectly cooked duck liver.

I was also tempted by the Wagyu Beef Oxtail Dumplings with kanzuri miso broth and red miso crisps...which proved to be the the tasty Deal of the Century for $15. Wowza!

However, it was Morimoto's "duck duck duck" that made it onto the "Best Thing I Ever Ate" list. Nothing short of spectactular, the tender slabs of juicy, rare madras roasted duck breast flanked by duck confit fried rice, a duck egg and mandarin oolong reduction were sheer nirvana on a plate. At $33, this entree would easily satisfy on its own. No need to spend $350 (before gratuity) like we did...although it WAS fun.

We had a fantastic time overall. As an aside, our server was both efficient and knowledgeable, if not a tiny bit aloof and lacking enthusiasm. Definitely recommended for a "Big Night Out".

http://www.morimotorestaurant.com/