How Child Support is Paid in NJ Option 1 – The Direct Pay Method

The easiest way to pay child support is to set up a schedule of payments on a weekly, bi-weekly or monthly basis and simply write a personal check from one party to the other.   As I am fan of using technology to make things easier on everyone, you may also wish to consider setting up a regularly occurring debit from one parties’ account to the other.  This way the payments are made directly and there’s no need for one party to go to the mailbox and the other to go to the bank.  The pro of this method is that it’s easy and the con is that you’re trusting the other party to pay.  And while I’d like to believe parents will always do the right thing and pay their child support on time, it’s not always (sadly) the case.

How Child Support is Paid in NJ Option 2 – Wage Garnishment

In this case if necessary you can appeal to the courts for a wage garnishment as child support is a contractual obligation and enforceable with garnishment.  If you choose to pursue this route, you will need to first obtain an order form the courts allowing the garnishment and then work with the ex-spouses’ employer to have the garnishment put into effect.  The pro of this route is that the payment will be made in a timely fashion and is enforced by a court order.  The cons are that it may be costly to go to court to obtain such an order and it would most certainly be embarrassing for the parent who chose not to pay to have their employer know their business.  Then again, that may just be the impetus one needs to write that check and avoid the whole ugly mess of garnishment in the first place!

How Child Support is Paid in NJ Option 3 – State Agency

Here in NJ we have the NJ Child Support Payment Center which can help parents facilitate the payment of child support.  The pros of using such a service is that there’s no cost to either party and the state can get involved in the enforcement should it be necessary.  The cons are that again, it may prove embarrassing to one party and may create an extra layer of administrative burden but if you can’t go with option 1, then you’re really only left with garnishment or using the payment center.

If you have questions about how child support is paid in NJ, please give our offices a call at (908) 864-2177 and we’d be happy to help.

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1. Recognize that the time for arguing is over – one thing that causes people to spend tons of money to get divorced is that they and their lawyers look at it like a battle where every point is something to be argued about and fought to the death.  The reality is the law is the law here in NJ and so whether you like it or not the outcome for 99.33% of couples who divorce in NJ is exactly the same or falls within some relatively similar range.  If you think being one of the lucky 2/3rds of 1% of people who actually litigate to try and get a different outcome is worth $200,000, please be my guest.  But if you’re looking for a cheap divorce in NJ, this isn’t the way.
2. Cooperate with your legal practitioner – it’s no secret what is needed to get divorced.  The discovery items, the process, the issues and the forms, it’s really all the same whether you make a $25,000 a year or $250,000 a year.  Sure there are more zeros on the end of the numbers in the rich couples settlement but at the end of the day it all boils down to the same things: tax returns, pay stubs, credit card statements, etc. By cooperating with preferably your NJ divorce mediator, you can and should provide the necessary documentation and make the necessary decisions to move the process forward.  If you’re looking for a cheap divorce in NJ, one of the best ways I know how to do this is to be prepared and present everything that is asked of you.
3. Use divorce mediation in New Jersey - it’s a fact: divorce mediation in New Jersey costs anywhere from $29,000 to $76,000 less on average than using attorneys or litigating.  If you’re looking for a cheap divorce in NJ that isn’t one of those fly by night Internet divorce providers for $399, then go the mediation route.  Divorce is an extremely complex process and marriage creates a significant number of legal entanglements that make getting a proper divorce an advanced task.  No book of forms or some guy in a strip mall is going to be able to help you properly settle your issues.

Have any items you’d like to share that can help divorcing couples pursue a cheap divorce in NJ?  Feel free to comment below or give us a call if you have questions about the divorce and mediation process.

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Joseph Dillon is a NJ divorce mediator and Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services – a New Jersey based firm that provides client with divorce mediation in New Jersey and divorce coaching services to clients throughout the United States.  Mr. Dillon may be reached at (908) 864-2177.

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In mediation we use a budget based approach when it comes to the topic of child support and then calculate the guidelines to verify if the work we did with our budgets accurately reflects what your children’s true expenses are and then adjust accordingly.  The biggest surprise that most couples we work with find is that the amount of NJ Child Support calculated by the guidelines is usually lower than the actual amount of money you spend on your children as an intact family.  Add in things such as music lessons, automobile insurance and daycare which are known as “extraordinary expenses” and outside the calculated child support amount, and you’ll get a sense of the true amount of what you really spend on your children.  So while yes, I understand that some people view “the law as the law” and want me to type the numbers into the software and spit out the magic NJ Child Support amount, like every topic we discuss in mediation, it’s really not as simple as black and white but more like a thousand shades of gray…

So when it comes to calculating child support in New Jersey, there are three things to keep in mind:

1. Child support is an obligation of both parents – that is you will both be paying child support.
2. Children should not become the economic victims of divorce and therefore should receive whatever funding is necessary for them to survive and thrive.
3. You as parents have the right to agree to other child support arrangements than those calculated by the formula provided they are reasonable and have the child’s best interest in mind.

One last note of caution: the calculation of NJ Child Support is a complex topic and one best left to the professionals.  I’ve noticed there are a fair amount of “free” child support calculators out there but like the old saying goes, you get what you pay for and in my humble opinion, you shouldn’t risk your child’s well being on a free form you found on a website.  Call an Accredited Professional Mediator – you’ll be glad you did.

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Joseph Dillon is a NJ divorce mediator and Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services – a New Jersey based firm that provides client with divorce mediation in New Jersey and divorce coaching services to clients throughout the United States.  Mr. Dillon may be reached at (908) 864-2177.

During conversations about equitable distribution you and your spouse will be asked to provide a complete list of discovery items which include common financial items which show up regularly like tax returns, pay stubs, bank balances and credit card balances but there are some other documents you’ll need which may only be issued quarterly or annually so now it a perfect time to be on the lookout for them. Much like how employers are required to send you your annual W-2 form showing your earnings for the previous year by the end of January, investment houses are required to do the same. Some pension plans such as plans for firemen, police officers and teachers may also only offer an annual statement so now more than ever, it’s critical you keep an eye out for these items so that when the time comes to talk equitable distribution you’ll be informed and can have an intelligent conversation.

Items to be on the lookout for when contemplating a divorce include:

• W-2′s
• Year end Credit card statements – most companies can issue you a report that shows spending by category which is helpful for budgeting later on.
• Year end Investment / brokerage statements  – showing all transactions made over the course of the year so you’ll notice if there were any major sales of assets that you were unaware of.
• Year-end mortgage interest and escrow statements – shows interest paid, taxes (usually) and the balance on your mortgage.

You may also wish to do a few valuations of major assets you own such as cars and your house to get a rough idea of what those are worth as well.  Sites like Zillow for real estate valuation and Kelley Blue Book for automobile evaluation can help you more fully understand what your home or car might be worth when it comes time to talk equitable distribution. Like the old saying goes “information is power” and by taking these simple steps now,  if you’re contemplating a divorce you can be better informed when it comes time to talk equitable distribution and get a fairer settlement.

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 Joseph Dillon is a NJ divorce mediator and Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services – a New Jersey based firm that provides divorce mediation to clients throughout New Jersey and divorce coaching services to clients throughout the United States.  Mr. Dillon may be reached at (908) 864-2177.

As a divorce coach and life reinvention coach I like to think that even though the people I work with find themselves touched by divorce, there was a reason they found their ex-spouse special enough to get married.  On the flip side I also have to recognize that it may have been a time and place because who they were isn’t who they are or want to be.  So before you decide if staying friends with your ex-spouse is a good idea ask yourself these three questions:

1. Am I staying friends with my ex-spouse because I hope there may be a chance of reconciliation? If so working with a divorce coach and life reinvention coach can help you examine the world of possibilities which lie ahead of you including the often intimidating re-entering of the dating scene.  When you have something to look forward to you spend less time looking back.
2. Is staying friends with my ex-spouse going to create feelings of jealousy for me when I see they’re living the life I had always imagined we’d be living? Did you and your ex-spouse have big plans to move to Hawaii, climb Mt. Everest or learn to ballroom dance together and now that you’re apart, those dreams will never come true?  Nonsense!  You’re still you and were a critical part of that equation.  If the desire still lies within you, working with a divorce coach and life reinvention coach can help you live that life.  You don’t need to be a part of a “we” in order to do great things.  Who knows?  Maybe it was your ex-spouse who was weighing you down!
3. Do I feel guilty because I’ve begun my new life with a sense of adventure and purpose and my ex-spouse seems to still be stuck reliving our divorce? Ah yes… you’ve moved on and they haven’t – a tricky place to be.  But it’s my guess that during your time together you felt responsible for their happiness which is not the way to look at things.  We are each responsible for our own happiness and it’s not up to you to help your ex-spouse get past your divorce.  Perhaps you want to direct them to a divorce coach and life reinvention coach who can help them move past their past as you’ve got some living to do.

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Cheryl Dillon is a divorce coach and life reinvention coach and Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services – a New Jersey based firm that provides divorce mediation to clients throughout New Jersey and divorce coaching services to clients throughout the United States.  Ms. Dillon may be reached at (609) 375-8533.

Do:

1. Put your children first – and think about where they would be most comfortable.  Understand that just because they want to stay in “their house” and play with their toys on Christmas morning instead of driving with you to see your family who lives 4 hours away per the holiday parenting plan, that’s not a slight on you.  It’s a kid being a kid.
2. Behave like an adult - because guess what? You’re a grown up and your children are counting on you to act like one.  If I have to explain to you what it means to be an adult, please talk to someone.  Call me if you need names of people who can help.
3. Spend the holidays together – if you find yourself in the middle of a divorce.  Life is going to change for your children soon enough so why not keep things together for the sake of the children if you can?  Please understand I’m not advocating this if it’s going to turn into a holiday disaster but if you can abide by rule #2 above, then this one might work for you.  Make sure to explain to your children (at an appropriate age) that you are still a family and you are still their parents and love them very much even though you may not love each other the way mom’s and dad’s are supposed to.

Don’t:

1. Shuttle your children from place to place – in the interest of satisfying relatives or executing a holiday parenting plan.  Now that there are two families to see and two houses to visit, make sure more of your day is spent spending time with family and friends rather than in the car going from house a to house b to house c to…
2. “Out gift” each other – so when it comes to Hanukkah or Christmas shopping, be sure to talk beforehand and coordinate your purchases so that one of you doesn’t buy them a pony and one of you buys them socks.  This is especially true for couples with an income disparity post-divorce.
3. Be a time stickler – as with so many variables come holiday season (gift opening, traffic, family dynamics) this is the one time of year you may need to relax a bit on the time pressure.  If your holiday parenting plan says the kids come by your house at 10am and they get there 10:30am, cut the other party a little slack as I’m sure prying kids away from their toys on Christmas morning or interrupting their Dreidel game to go see Aunt Sue isn’t exactly high on their to-do list.

Keeping these somewhat obvious yet critical rules of the road in mind during this and every holiday season will make for a memorable time for the right reasons and not the wrong ones.

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Joseph Dillon is a NJ divorce mediator and Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services – a New Jersey based firm that provides divorce mediation to clients throughout New Jersey and divorce coaching services to clients throughout the United States.  Mr. Dillon may be reached at (908) 864-2177.

As the title of this post suggests, Divorce + Facebook + Twitter is a bad idea!  So if you’re a private person like me and want to keep the details of your divorce private, consider working with a NJ divorce mediator instead.  One of the significant benefits of mediation is that the details of your agreement are kept private.  No one besides the two of you and your NJ divorce mediator know the details of your arrangement.  There are no messy public spats, no long drawn out processes and no Facebook or Twitter streams about your day in court.  By keeping the details of your divorce mediation private,  you can maintain a air of civility and dignity that will carry over to your lives after your divorce and undoubtedly make you better co-parents in the future.  So while the temptation of changing your Facebook status from married to single may seem like a good idea when you’re in the throes of a heated battle with your spouse, take it from me and let calmer heads prevail.  I know it my not seem like it now, but in the long run, you’ll feel much better about not only yourself but with the help of a divorce coach recover from the pain of divorce much faster than if you let yourself get dragged down into the mud.

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Joseph Dillon is a NJ divorce mediator and Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services – a New Jersey based firm that provides divorce mediation to clients throughout New Jersey and divorce coaching services to clients throughout the United States.  Mr. Dillon may be reached at (908) 864-2177.

Regardless of the lack of formulas or software programs, the reality is we need to arrive at a spousal support number so how do we do this?  In a nutshell, we use a budget based approach which has each party determining what their marital as well as post-marital lifestyles look like, attempting to estimate their cost of living and then coming to terms on an amount that will allow each party to live a lifestyle relative comparable to the other party.  Sound complicated?  It is.  That’s why I recommend working with a NJ divorce mediator who can help you and your spouse come to terms on an amount of alimony that you each find agreeable and use that as a basis for working with a divorce coach to plan you new life.

By using limited issue mediation, your NJ divorce mediator will work with you on one or more of the issues you face prior to you entering or while you are engaged in the divorce mediation process or help you and your spouse resolve a single issue that you face such as alimony while engaged in another more contentious divorce process such as collaborative divorce or litigation.   By using mediation to calculate alimony in New Jersey you and your spouse can avoid the heartache and significant cost of a protracted legal battle that hiring lawyers and fighting it out will most certainly bring.   Since there is no easy way to come up with a spousal support number, mediation is the perfect forum for doing so since it eliminates the traditional back and forth and win-lose battle that can raise both your blood pressure as well as your legal bill.  We sit down and discuss things face to face like adults, instead of  hiding behind a constant barrage of well crafted and utterly incomprehensible letters drafted by a team of attorneys outlining a series of demands.  I always love when I see a letter like that outlining demands. I wonder to myself – is this a divorce or a kidnapping?

Have a question about calculating alimony in New Jersey?  Please give us a call at (908) 864-2177 and we’d be happy to meet with you and your spouse to discuss the specifics of your situation and help explain how divorce mediation can be of assistance in your particular case.