Erasing Mistakes

Vanity Insanity

2013-04-27T15:13:00.002-04:00

Happy birthhday thoo me.

On the day before my birthday, I chipped my front tooth. It was originally chipped when I was about 7 years old, but I had it repaired in my twenties. Though it was a small chip on the corner of my tooth, I seemed to be incapable of seeing anything but the chip. The edge of the tooth was so sharp that it scratched my lips and tongue. I had to use an emory board to "file" down the sharp edges. I already had a dentist appointment coming up, so I decided to wait until then to fix it. This meant living with the chip after having spent so many years with it looking normal.

Then I spent all week questioning what normal is, exactly. The only person I have compared myself to lately is myself. So why did it bother me so much to have that tooth re-chipped? Teeth are important. First of all, they're on your face. Second of all, you cannot eat bacon without them. I mean, you could. But can you just imagine drinking a bacon smoothie? And third, for many reasons, whether you agree with them or not, teeth say something about who we are.

Holla holla!

Don't get mad at me. I didn't make up this stuff. It's part of our history as human beings. Even animals use teeth as a way to establish rank or status.Teeth are a pretty distinct feature on the face. The face is the first thing we tend to view when looking at other humans. We use the face to communicate both physically and vocally. The wrinkling of a forehead, or furrowing of eyebrows can often say a lot more about what a person is thinking or trying to communicate than words ever could. But why is it also so closely tied to status? Throughout history, humans have decorated, mutilated, and otherwise altered their teeth. Is it always, it seems, in the name of vanity and especially status. Though there are a lot of cases where dental work is necessary and perhaps even life-saving, what about in the case of everything else... what exactly are we trying to prove?

Spare Change

2013-04-16T14:24:00.001-04:00

Since my last post, my life has changed dramatically. I still regret my tattoos, though! I have just come to terms with the fact that unless I am willing to spend some money and endure some serious pain, I am stuck with my tattoos. They are a part of me now. They help make up who I am, whether I like it or not. (I don't.)

After several attempts to chemically remove them myself, I realized that there is no magic answer. There is no pill or potion. There is no painless way to erase those mistakes. By trying to chemically peel one very thin layer of skin at a time in hopes of lightening my tattoos without significant pain, I was only prolonging the disappointment. There are only a few ways to remove a tattoo, and they include painful do-it-yourself belt-sanding and expensive laser treatments. If I am missing some other painful way of tattoo removal, leave a comment. I'd like to hear about it.

Since the weather has started to warm up, my vast collection of tank tops and other sleeveless shirts is back in rotation. With the arrival of warm weather, many of the feelings for my tattoos that I had buried beneath layers and layers of winter clothes are also now beginning to resurface. The difference this year is how I chose to feel about them. I accepted them. Just like I accept my lazy eye, my wide feet, and all of the other physical things I cannot change about myself.

Within the last two years, I was literally making myself sick with negative feelings. I was disgusted with myself and my past, and my tattoos were an annoyingly visible reminder of it. Thank goodness for introspection. I didn't change the fact that I have tattoos. I just changed my attitude.

Owie

2011-02-03T19:20:00.000-05:00

Not a whole lot has happened since the last post. I got lazy, and also busy with other things. The frequency that the salicylic acid needed to be applied was annoying. It was just enough time between applications to forget it was time to apply it again.

After some research, the decision was made to switch from salicylic acid to glycolic acid. The solution is a strong one of about 70% active ingredients. It will eat off many more layers than salicylic acid, in half the time. The heal time should be similar, at about a week.

Glycolic acid hurts no more or less than salicylic acid, it just takes a lot longer to reach maximum burnage. After applying it with a cotton ball as close to the borders of each tattoo was a two minute pause. It started off as a noticeable sensation. Within a minute, it was tingling. At two minutes, it pretty much just burned like hell.

On standby was a neutralizing solution made of 3 tablespoons of baking soda, and some water to wet it into a thin paste. A cotton ball soaks in the bowl, waiting to be called into action.

With a gloved hand, a cotton pad is soaked in glycolic acid. After wiping all of the reachable tattoos, the applicator is discarded. A very long two minutes passes, and the burning becomes unbearable. I dipped my fingers into the neutralizer and picked up the saturated cotton ball. As soon as the cotton ball touched the tattoo, the reaction between the two chemicals causes the skin to seem like it is being melted off. Frightening, but relieving. The burn was gone instantly. Ahhh.

Both tattoos get a thin later of neosporin to keep any potential infection away. I am not sure what to expect from this two-minute application. I may have severely burned my skin, or it may not have been long enough. We will see.

On Spirituality

2010-07-07T21:21:00.055-04:00

When I started this blogumentary, I knew I was going to be going against the grain. I knew that I would probably get a lot of negative feedback, and maybe even make a few enemies. It's a good thing I am OK with being that person.

While trying to publish my blog to a local Reddit site, I mis-clicked, and posted my it to the big Reddit. All I can say is "haters".

I had more hate-mail and ignorant comments than I could read in one day. I hope everyone who posted thoughtless comments realizes that all they did was toss fuel on the fire. Thanks for all the new ideas for me to write about, suckas.

A popular theme in many of the comments I read was "spirituality", and how it makes it OK to have a permanent icon embedded on your person.

Though I have not read the Bible, or any other holy book from cover to cover, I have to point out that I've never seen a picture of Jesus that showed any of his tattoos. Were they hidden under his clothing? And what's that bit about "the mark of the beast" all about? Does anyone else out there think that maybe this new wide-spread acceptance of tattoos and other body modifications signals something bigger than just mass-stupidity?

I'm no religious buff, but I am pretty sure that the Bible (and other holy books) condemns people for changing their physical appearance, especially when it is to such a permanently disfiguring degree.

There isn't anything spiritual about a tattoo. Take a good look at the kind of places you'd typically go to get a tattoo. They aren't exactly representative of a place you go to worship your god. Go ahead and show your tattoo to the nice people at your church, and see what they have to say about it. Maybe if you explain to them that you did it in the name of J.C. and stuff, they'll be more accepting of it, and of you. Amen.

Seriously, though... Just because you select a symbol that may represent something spiritual, does not make tattoos spiritual. They're just a vehicle for expressing your total lack of ability to make sound decisions.

I think at times, I am being read all wrong. I'm not in any way saying that people who do not have tattoos are necessarily good (or smart) people. I'm just sayin' that the vine-covered cross on the back of your calf muscle isn't going to get you any closer to your god.

A Prime Example

2010-05-05T21:54:00.003-04:00

I have started the third treatment on my "Stars & Seagulls" tattoo. It has started to make me feel strange. I hope it is emotional, and has nothing to do with this chemical soaking into my skin (and into my brain).

I feel strangely at peace with the idea of my tattoos lately. I am no more proud of them, but I am not ashamed to show them any more. Maybe it is because I know they are going away? Maybe it is because I am an idiot.

Either way, I feel different. When I put my finger on it, I'll invest more time explaining myself. For now, I'd like to leave it alone.

I have other things I'd like to talk about, like setting examples.

How many times a day do you see a pretty young lady covered in tattoos, who happens to also be pushing a stroller? How many times a day do you see a woman who is aging, even if she is aging well, and is covered in tattoos? How does she make you feel, this aging tattooed woman?

What exactly are we telling our children when we choose to alter ourselves?
It seems to me that we are letting them know that it's OK to live only for today. We are telling them that they aren't cool enough without tattoos. What do they think when they see you in the grocery store with your gloriously sleeved arms?

I remember being slightly frightened by people who had tattoos. Kids should be scared of people with tattoos. When I was growing up, most people who had tattoos were either in the military, or had been incarcerated. Tattoos sort of say "I like pain", and maybe "I like to do things without thinking".

If you happen to have tattoos, please know that I am talking about you. You can't possibly be thinking clearly when you sit down in a chair and ask someone to stab you repeatedly for however long it takes to imprint some ridiculous design into your flesh.

Do you really think Tool and Metallica care that you had their album art permanently placed onto your body? No. They don't care at all. Before you decided to emblazon yourself with their logos, did you think about where these hardcore people would be in 50 years?

Do you think your tattoos are going to look the same in 10, 20, 30, or 40 years later? Let me tell ya. Your tramp stamp is going to be drooping into your butt crack, the tiger on your back is going to be nearly extinct, and the dainty sparrow on your hip bone is going to be covered in folds of old, wrinkled skin.

During your 20's and 30's, your skin is about as nice as it is ever going to be. Why are you mucking it up with ridiculous tattoos?

I dare you to think about the consequences of your actions before you act. Don't stop with one or two good or bad outcomes. Exhaust yourself with all of the possibilities, and see if you still think that getting a tattoo is a good idea.

My Left Arm

2010-04-12T22:57:00.004-04:00

Because no tattoo idea is a good idea, I decided it is time to post a picture of my left arm. It's by far the most 'inked up' part of my body. There are two separate tattoos on my left arm. One of them dates back to about 1998 or 1999. It is a lovely medley of stars, star dust, the moon, and even some sea gulls. That's right. I said sea gulls.

Though I helped designed this particular tattoo myself (another proud moment in history), I did not remember including any sea gulls in the original image. I thought I wanted the tattoo at the time, but I knew I couldn't stomach watching someone stab me over and over with a motorized needle that makes a sound similar to a miniature jack hammer breaking up the concrete that was my tender skin. In all of my toughness, I didn't once look down at any of my tattoos while they were being done. I can only imagine that, in this case, the artist took it upon himself to add some 'flair' to what was became yet another one of my colorful and tasteless bad decisions.

This will be the first time I will be treating this particular tattoo. I am eager to rid my skin of that magenta madness. I remember the bruises from this tattoo lasting a very long time, which probably means that the needle went deeper than it should have.
The big, black raven/crow/black bird is very new, and is another story. It is one that is best saved for a day that is not today.

Stock market tip of the day: Invest in salicylic acid, because I am going to need buckets of it to remove my ugly-ass tattoos.

Healing Process

2010-04-01T19:48:00.006-04:00

It has been a few days since I treated my right arm. It's been slowly developing a few small scabs, and the skin is dry and flaky.

Because this is not technically the first treatment, I am starting to see positive results. There is some slight discoloration, and what used to be clean, bold lines is now starting to look like something that has seen one too many sun burns.

Though I am ready to be tattoo-free, I am not sure how I feel about dealing with a year's worth scabs, dry skin, and what I can only describe right now as 'scraps'.

I think that once I get knee-deep into this experiment, what used to look like a recognizable shape will eventually look more like random spots, freckles, or misshapen moles. Mmm. Misshapen moles!

Bring it on. I'd rather be seen as someone with an oddly-shaped mole, than someone who didn't think her cunning plan all the way through.

Tattoos: Getting Them & Getting Over Them

2010-03-30T12:44:00.013-04:00

To want a tattoo, you first have to be in denial. "This is a great idea!"

To get a tattoo, you need only a fist-full of cash, a friend in the business, or a prison sentence. It takes less than an hour to make a decision that you might regret for the rest of your life. It's right up there with unwanted pregnancies. The only difference is that children can change a person's life in a good way.

So, you think you planned your tattoos. You've got it all figured out. You found something that you think speaks volumes about you. Maybe it's a picture, or an ancient symbol. You tell your friends that "It's Chinese for 'wisdom', and I am wise." Right. It could say Kung Pow Chicken, for all you know. How many truly wise people do you know who are deliberate, thoughtful and also covered with tattoos? None? I thought so.

Before you decide that your tattoo idea is a good one, ask yourself if you think you'd enjoy condemning yourself to a lifetime of stupidity and regret. If you can honestly answer that question with a "yes", then please know that I'll be here to console you and maybe give you tattoo removal advice when your feelings about your tattoos change.

While you are impatiently awaiting the next post, please enjoy a PSA from Saturday Night Live's commercial parody series.

SNL: Dr. Turlington's Lower Back Tattoo Removal

Ancient Chinese Secrets

2010-03-26T23:24:00.009-04:00

The process begins!

I have applied the first coat of my secret tattoo-removal formula. Ok. I admit. This isn't really the first coat. It's actually the fourth coat. I tested it a few times before I decided to share my progress.

It burns for just a few minutes, but that just means it's working. You can see a slight redness around the edges of the tattoo where my skin has become irritated. Rightfully so. It's being dissolved right off!

From my earlier trials, I know it will be a few days before some scab-tastic healing begins. I may post a picture, but am not sure yet how I feel about sharing my scabs. I've never photographed scabs before.

Maybe, just maybe, I will post one picture of what I will gently call 'the healing process'.

My Right Arm

2010-03-25T12:03:00.003-04:00

The hardest part of erasing these mistakes, was to first identify them as mistakes. Whew!

Now that the hard part is complete, the next step is to take action... and pictures.

I've taken a picture of what I consider to be my "least favorite" of all my least favorite tattoos. Not that putting thought into a tattoo makes it a better tattoo, or a smarter decision, but this specimen is one that I put the least amount of thought into.

At the time, I just felt like I needed some new ink. That's exactly what I got. I walked into a random tattoo shop on what was then a beautiful strip of Panama City's beaches (and is now home to thousands of ominous and vacant condominiums and their equally empty parking garages) and browsed a massive collection of unique tattoos. They were so unique that someone could come in right after you and get the exact same one. Awesome.

Painful Process

2010-03-23T19:24:00.008-04:00

Maybe it's because I have tattoos myself, but I see them everywhere. Dragons, tribal art, band icons, and even toasters. What compels people to get tattoos? I know I did it out of the need to rebel against the wise words of my mother, and to be more individual.

Look at me now! I'm one of hundreds of thousands of people who are all so unique.

As I get older, and my tattoos all start to look like golf bags, I feel like I am missing out on casual days of sleeveless shirt joy in the office, elegant evenings in fancy attire, and in appropriate situations, nudity in the purest form.

Once you get a tattoo, even the tiniest tattoo, you can no longer do these things. I mean, you can, but no matter how tough you think you are, somewhere inside you is a little voice telling you how stupid you look.

I have heard that voice for 13 years. I have been listening to that voice for about 10 years. In an even more recent span of time, I have decided that I no longer wish to carry these trophies of individuality around with me.

In the posts that follow, I will document the process of my tattoo removal. I'm not talking lasers, or that new "sand-it-off" method some guy came up with...

I've developed my own DIY remedy, and will share my step-by-step progress through posts and pictures.

I hope you enjoy reading about my journey of erasing mistakes.