Erica AP

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 20:49:00 +0000

So some changes have been happening around here. My band, The Predicates, after long discussions and many years together have decided to call it quits. There are no hard feelings or any drama but we are just all going in different directions and it was time. Thank you, everyone for all your support!! We had a wonderful run and hope you enjoyed the music and shows...

With that said I will be focusing on my other 2 bands, Recordable Colors and The Mashtis. Both different and both awesome!! You could call it differawesome. :) And I'm still working on my clothing business and the event company. Also, my Mom is moving here to San Diego in a couple of weeks!! I'm so freakin' excited I could just kiss you!!

Even I don't blog that much anymore, cool stuff comes out of the internet socializing network. Take for example today: I was referred by Jay to do an interview for Burl & Anne Live at 7pm tonight!!! I'm so excited and will be talking about all my endeavors and hopefully making you laugh or at least smile at my extreme dorkiness. Haha... Go here to listen: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AnnieBurlTalk/2009/09/27/Recordable-Colors-and-Super-Secret-Project

Hope you are all fantastic little kumquats and feel free to be my friend on facebook!! (my new world wide web hangout) www.facebook.com/erica.putis

Love,
E-Pu

Take the night off!!

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 05:45:00 +0000

I have too many random thoughts going through my head to Twitter so I'm going to say it here so I don't start talking to myself. Maybe homeless people should have blogs... Then they won't seem so crazy. God I'm deep. Haha...

First off, Star Trek the Next Generation is really bad tv... But it's better than the news. And tonight's episode is really fucking weird because it takes place on earth and SHAJAN Luke Picard is getting all emo with his bro and shit. And the replacement Spock had parents weekend and they are human and he is totally embarrassed by them. Funny stuff. Then I have to gloat and say not only did I get my credentials for the SD/Del Mar Fair, I actually cooked and did dishes... Oh, also, the boy on this bad 80's remake of Star Trek is so gay. Too bad he could have come out of the closet on the show. It would have been great freakin' ratings.

I think that's all I have to say for now. Live long and drink wine.

Oh and make sure to paint your toenails pink at least once in your life... You haven't lived life till you felt like Barbie's feet. Hahahahaha...

Good night lovelies,

Erica aaappp

That's soooooooo 1995...

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:17:00 +0000

I don't really know why I keep this blog. I guess I think I will get all excited about it again someday and start writing. But as it looks right now, I'm so extremely busy that my nights of having a glass of wine and writing in my blog are gone. Now the world of Twitter and Facebook has made my ADD life quite fulfilling. You don't even need to advertise yourself or read other peoples blogs... You just post a 140 characters of shit and people respond. Haha... Nice and Easy - just like the hair dye.

Actually I'm more into Manic Panic... I know. It's so 1995 of me, but that shit is cool! It's supposedly all natural and only takes 15mins to die your hair. So I get my green tips in no time flat!! Yup - I have green hair now. It sounds gross but it's totally cool!! Sometimes I feel like my hair is like grass or looks like my half dying bamboo in my house. And sometimes if my hair is curled and flowing, it looks like I'm a mermaid with seaweed for hair... Haha... Someone said that to me. I would never call myself a mermaid. That would be egotistical. If I thought I were a mermaid that means, not only would I think I was beautiful, with big breasts and a fancy/sparkly tail, I would think that I'm a fucking mermaid and that is crazy.

Anyway, I know I don't have any followers anymore on this thing but I decided a while back I don't give a shit. I'm writing for myself now so there is no pressure... Which is good because I've got some mad pressure centers coming my way. Of course there is music. Not only am I in The Predicates, I have joined a side band, Recordable Colors (that I may have mentioned in previous posts) and have started singing and playing bass for Itai Faierman. All of them are super fun and very different sounding which is wonderful for me because it spices things up while they all make me grow as a musician. Fun stuff. Make sure to check out a show. You can see my show schedule on my solo page. :)

Then I have my clothing company, Nuclear Clothing, that has kind of been on hiatus this year but I plan on making more stuff, doing more runway shows and will start putting my clothes into local boutiques. Last but not least, a couple of my friends and I have decided to start putting on events supporting local music, art, food and entrepreneurs so we can make something bigger and better as a community so people will take notice. IndieGo Park has already done a couple of events and they have been hugely successful... Our next one is at the Casbah on August 30th so make sure you make it out to this fun and FREE event. We are hoping to make this one as epic as the last one!!

So in closing, I may not be a super-blogger-machine-maker but I have some things in the oven that are sure to beat that hot pocket in your microwave. You guys are wonderful supportive pumpkins and I can't even believe you read this whole entry. It's way too long for the FaceBook/Twitter conditioned...

ADD in the hiz-ous!!!

Erica AP

Whine and Cheese

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:05:00 +0000

I'm supposed to be working but I'm distracted. I'm supposed to be productive but I'm distracted. A little bit of work for money, a little bit of work for me. The work for me is overwhelming and requires more time than what I have to give. I feel myself pulling myself in all different directions but knowing in the back of my head that this is what I want. I've learned to put stress on a back burner but lately the stress is coming from areas in my life that are important and in turn is motivating me. My mind feels cluttered just writing about it.

I'm also feeling frustrated. I'm frustrated at cliques and who's cool and who's not. I'm frustrated that as adults, we still feel the need to be like this. It's frustrating that people who you think are friends, wouldn't want to work together to make something bigger than ourselves. I'm frustrated at peoples lack of respect, so much as they can't even acknowledge or respond to a simple email.

A new venture. Because of today, I'm not so sure I want to venture. My mind is overtly cluttered and there is not much more room for this kind of frustration. So maybe it will have to go on a back burner for a while. Which is ok because lets face it... I'm only one person and I can only whine for so long. So, so long to the whine and bring on the cheese. DONE!!

It's good for your health, yo!!

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:52:00 +0000

How are my little tidbits doing? I'm doing quite well, thanks for asking... I feel like I'm just going to have to stick to updating once and a while because again - Twitter has out won in the battle of the blog-text-self-obsessed-internet-faze... I actually have to think and sort out my thoughts with this blog. God forbid if I slow down enough to do that. But once and a while it's good for my health. Haha... I'm kidding. My blog is not good for anyones health, silly!! That's why I write in it... To waste everyone's time. I'm a fucking genius.

Anyway, so I've been a busy bee, of course. I have become a Twitter whore (as aforementioned), I have been writing and recording The Predicates new album, have been practicing a ton with my side project - Recordable Colors, and have been gearing up for another runway show for Nuclear Clothing... The most amusing part of all of this has been my decision to apply for Project Runway. That's right... You didn't get dyslexic all of a sudden... I said Project Runway. Haha... I wasn't even thinking of it but my friend mentioned it and gave me the link for the application and low and behold it all of a sudden it seemed like a good idea. Don't ask me why... I have never been trained and know nothing of patterns and can only sew averagely. (I didn't know "averagely" was a real word!!) But I figured I might as well, because what have I got to lose? It doesn't cost money and all I have to do is write and make a video about how awesome I am... Haha... I AM AWESOME!!! Haha... God, I'm such a dork.

So wish me luck and someday when I'm a famous designer I will make you all red speedos. Because I know how much you secretly love red speedos...

Love,
Your Fairy God Mother

Only read if you are drunk because I swear it's more funny...

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 07:01:00 +0000

I don't want to sound like too much of a girl, but really... WTF??? If you are a girl you know what I mean... I don't even have to explain. Haha...

So I've had a pretty good night... Practice, wine, friends and garlic bread. You can never go wrong with garlic bread or friends.

I've been using Twitter so much lately that I don't even know if I can write a whole entry!! I think I've got ADD now.

How about I just write you this very stimulating song lyrics:

The sun is so strong
Like a great game of ping pong
Don't forget the other drinking game
Shooting ping pong balls is not lame

Forever young (oh shit... I think I stole that from Rod Stewart)

I swear I'm not bitter
and I never litter
But I'm feeling annoyed
Like an out-of-space android

Forever young???? (hahahaha...)

The lame guy needs to go
Like one of those walking yo-yos
And while I make love to my drink
I realize you are not the link

Forever young... ( I totally sing this in my head every time I type it...)

Soul Train put it in perspective
Like a class you don't need, an elective
I am sick of thinking of you
because you are a big fat pooh...

Hahaha... Just how many brain cells did you lose reading that???

Love,
Erica

Monkey see, monkey do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Wed, 21 May 2008 06:50:00 +0000

I think I can take a breath now. Holy shit, have I been busy. I have my first runway show for my clothing company on Friday and I'm still making clothes. It really is like Project Runway, where you are literally making and altering clothes till the night of the show. Crazy and stressful but awesome all at the same time. I can't wait. And of course I'm still doing Predicates shit, but I've also joined another side band, and it's pretty cool. Much different than the Preds, but very good too. New stuff is always fun. And I finished my solo album and am just trying to get the money to get it pressed. So many things in the works... I hope I'm not spreading myself too thin. I don't really feel like it, but I feel a little ADD sometimes. One day I'll be super motivated about one project and another day I'll be pumped about another one. Maybe that's my way of distributing my energy. We'll see if it works.

And through all these projects I still need to work a 40 hour job and make time for friends, family and myself... I'm getting good at this scheduling thing. :) Although owning your business has it's stresses. I'm not talking about money because I'm not really making a profit yet but I've realized how hard it is to rely on other people. Even the people that you thought cared. I learned this when I worked for this awful purse designer a while back. She would work, day and night, on her company and then give me a guilt trip about not caring as much as her. Of course I don't care as much as her. It's not my company, she paid me crap and had absolutely no respect for me. That a sure fire way to get an employee to not care. I can't wait to have employees because I know exactly what NOT to do. Even if I don't do everything right, I know I will never treat anyone the way she treated me.

So 12am on a Tuesday night, I just made 2 skirts and I feel like I have the energy to write in this blog. I must be doing something right...

But I'm still feeling a little guilty that this blog is not so funny anymore... Maybe I just haven't hit my elbow in a while? Get it?? Funny bone? Haha... God, I'm a dork.

Here's a funny tid-bit... There was a crazy naked man running around my back patio last night like a caged monkey. For real... I'm not fucking kidding. It was extremely bizarre and as time passes it gets more and more amusing...

Alright. That's all I got, my sexy things. I love and miss all 3 of you and hope you are living large. :)

Getting it on - one leg at a time.. (What???)
Erica AP

P.S. I was just looking for pictures of monkeys and I'm pretty sure a monkey will be my next pet. That's not weird to have a monkey instead of a kid, is it??

Everyone's got a bit of crazy eyes, right??

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 06:11:00 +0000

Sometimes I get in a place in my head that refuses to let me get out. I feel like I want to do something that is productive but instead I just sit and watch tv. Fuck tv. No- wait - I love tv but I don't like how it wastes half hour after half hour. Just because things aren't exactly the way you want them to be doesn't mean that life is shitty. It just mean you need to take a night off from trying to force something. Forcing anything in life is meaningless and fake. When I feel like I'm forcing something I feel uncomfortable and in turn make other people feel uncomfortable. My best bet is to just fucking chill out, take a deep breath and let time deal with it. Then I think how much easier it would be to be a hermit in the mountains of Vermont but then I remember that we as humans are social by nature and need to be around and communicate with others. But, damn, life is so much easier when you can just talk to yourself and your dog. Your dog understands everything. Even if he doesn't he, we think he does and that's all that matters. We are just trying to stay sane. Sane is a strange feature of life. I've lately come in contact with some not so sane actions and I'm not sure if I'm just being a fuddy-duddy or if I'm being logical like Dr. Spock, but I have an opinion about it and it's not very friend friendly. That makes me feel like a bad friend. But really, when someone goes a bit crazy there is not much I can do. I can tell them I'm worried and that's about it. I think the only crazy I can handle is my pup, because if you look at my flickr pictures you can see he's got the crazy eyes... I don't think I can handle the crazy eyes in a friend. So I say, ok.... and I have a glass of wine and let life churn around and around while I sit at my computer searching for something thats a little more sane than me... or my friend...

Saner than my dog,
EAP

Eating KFC is better than cooking it

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 05:31:00 +0000

There is this commercial on tv for this local culinary school that drives me fucking batshit crazy. They have these actors, musicians, comedians and dancers that come on the commercial showing what they can do but kinda making them seem like they are not that good, and then telling you if you are creative to not follow your dream but fucking take a class to become a cook. Fuck you dude!! I get so aggravated that this commercial is telling creative people to give up on their dreams and to become a cook because it makes more money. Might as well just have my mom on TV saying I should marry a rich doctor. And I'm not in any way saying that cooking is not creative... Because if you are into that, then it's very creative, but to say that there is a slim to none chance of you making money on your real dream is really fucking shitty. There are so many people in the world right now not doing what they want because of money, and to have this commercial put down creative jobs for a better paying creative job is lame.

I guess when I talk to my mom and she tells me she wishes she had become a psychologist instead of a secretary it kinda hits home. Her mom told her to become a secretary like her sister because it makes good money and is steady. And now - she is almost at retirement age and still trying to decide what she wants to do for a living. We live in the U. S of A and we have the freedom to pick what we want to do for 40 hours a week, every day, in and out, for our entire lives. Why not take advantage? So you have to give up Starbucks coffee and can only buy one drink at the bar, I think it's a pretty fair trade considering you spend most of your life working.

So get up off your lazy ass and do what you want. Not what the commercial tells you to do. Unless it's getting some KFC, because, lets be serious... that shit looks awesome. Ummm....

Erica (the motivational speaker)

The Mundane Made Into Fun Time!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 06:25:00 +0000

The most productive time of the day for me is at 11pm at night after 2 and 1/2 glasses of wine. You think I'm kidding but I'm not. I literally just spent the last hour making an awesome veggie salad, doing the dishes and cleaning the stove. I'm not shitting you. Pretty buzzed, doing chores and have the best time.

So I've decided to put a memo out. That's right. When you read this in the morning there will be a nice memo on your desk (on pink paper with brown stripes - actually I don't even own stationary but if I did... Pink with brown stripes, baby...) and it will say:

To Whom It May Concern:

From this point and time it is required that if you have to do chores that you have a glass of wine before hand because it's way more fun and you get to talk to yourself out loud about all the grim and stuff you try to stuff down the drain, with no regard to what people think of you. You know... Because you are talking to yourself and all and you don't care because you are drunk...

If you do not follow these instructions you will be fired. Donald Trump style. That's right. I said it. Whatchu goin' do 'bout it??

Sincerely,

Da Boss (Not Bruce Springsteen)

So, you better fall in line because not only will the boss be on your ass you will have fun doing mundane things!!! I'm fucking genius...I know... You can thank me with a check made out to Erica A. Putis.

Love,
Erica A. Putis

Take a breather, man...

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 21:48:00 +0000

I feel like I've had caffeine... Without the hyper. My heart is fluttering and my chest is tight. My mind wonders from one topic to another at lightning speed. I wish it was coffee doing this but I'm pretty sure it's anxiety. My breath is shallow and if I stand up too fast I feel light headed. I'm not sick... Not at all.

It's amazes me how powerful our minds are. A simple thought can take our physical self and turn it inside out at the drop of a hat. Did you know that an anxiety attack can be brought on by sight or sound? It could be completely subconscious. You could very well mistake it for a heart attack if you have never had one. My friend taught me about them long ago so I know the signs, although saying I'm having a heart attack is a pretty dramatic thing to say to get a rise out of the person you are with...

This year has brought upon me many changes. I love changes. I love that things move and life is not stagnant. If I feel like my life is stuck, I itch to get out. Right now, though... Nothing is stuck. I feel like great things are in store, but I can't ignore the not-so-good things. Often they are out of my control. As much as I would like to have an influence, I make no difference to the situation.

So I sit and wait. I work on what I can and I wait. This waiting is controlling my breathing, the pulse of my heart and my mind is cluttered. Not all bad clutter, but clutter non-the-less...

I've actually been wanting to write in this blog lately but who wants to read about non-amusing things? This was my source for a long time to write about only random, light Erica thoughts, but I don't feel like forcing the funny anymore. Don't get me wrong - I love myself some funny but sometimes just writing for myself is important too. It feng shui's my head into a better, cleaner living environment. So I'm setting the terms for this blog as follows:

I will write when I want.
I will write whatever the fuck I want.
And I will not care if you like it or not.

Wow - I sound like a bitch, huh? A rhyming bitch?? I swear I'm not. (a regular bitch) I'm still a very sweet girl who like to talk like a sailor... And maybe dress like one... What??? Haha...

See!! I'm crackin' jokes already. And my breathing has slowed... Already proof that when I do what I want, I'm better off. I hope you guys do the same because wearing a sailor suit can get you a lot of ass. Hahahaha...

Good times. Love you all.
Erica

Not funny but you can laugh if you want to. I'll be crying though...

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:46:00 +0000

And it’s raining, but it’s not really rain. It’s more like a mist that moves from left to right while drifting down almost like a snow flurry. A flurry of water that’s so soft and so gentle that is makes you wonder why people hate it. Maybe because we are supposed to be dry by nature and those little particles put such a fine mist on us that when it gets us wet we are surprised and simply wet. Or maybe some people hate it because it ruins their hair and make up. Or there suede shoes get spoiled. Or they get cold. I have no problem with rain or mist. I like how it settles on my hair in tiny droplets and only soaks in when there is a combination of too many droplets, or if I touch it. I like it when my hair gets too saturated with rain, a tiny river of water runs down my face so that I have to wipe it away. I like watching my puppy run through the puddles only to find that he splashed water all over himself. I like to see him shake it off because he hates being wet. And when he shakes, it looks as if his legs aren’t even touching the ground. That is some mighty force that makes him shake so ferociously. We as humans don’t have the capacity to engage in such a distain of rain. Our brains and body feel it, but all we can do is speak about it. Or if you will, complain about it. Over and over… Every person you run into… Complains about the rain. Maybe you should just shake instead. I’m pretty sure a shaking ass would cure your rainy blues. Because it sure as hell cured mine.

Bemusing Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 06:45:00 +0000

Yes, it's late. Yes, I haven't posted for a shit long time. Yes, I wish it was summer. Don't give me that shit about it being 65 degrees and me being cold. I'm cold and that the way the cookie crumbles. I know all about cold weather. I grew up in freaking Vermont. I KNOW cold weather, I tell you!!

Anyway, I don't have much too say. I just felt like writing. And thank goodness I don't think I'm funny tonight so you don't have to put up with any of my lame jokes that make you do those laugh-to-be-polite laughs... ha.. um.. ha... (that's the written version)

So how about I just post a couple of funny guy pictures because those are sure to get a genuine laugh or smile. I think... :) It better or I'll come over there and kick your ass...

This green guy really gets my angle man:

Is this guys beard made of cotton candy? I think I might try eating it if I ever met him. It that weird??

Ummm... I think you have something up your nose...

I think he could give Richard Simmons a run for his money:

Love and miss you all...

Erica

P.S. I still read many of your blogs even though I don't feel like commenting.

Retirement is for...

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 06:49:00 +0000

Holy shit guys!! I'm trying to respond your comments and it's asking me for some lame password that I'm pretty sure is going to figure out my password for my bank account and steal all my $40 I have for the week. Bastards!!! ALL of them!!! '

I don't really know who I'm calling a bastard. I just love calling everything a bastard. See how many times I've written the word, "bastard" in the last couple of sentences??? Exactly. You know what I'm talkin' bout.

So now that there is no pressure to write it's a lot more fun, and it's not just because I'm drinking. Just kidding!!!! We all know I don't have to drink to write. What kind of person would I be if I couldn't be creative without the aid of sake??? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... A lame one?

Ummmm... so, how was your Thanksgiving??? Good, you spent it with family, friends or alone?? Cool. Glad you had a good time. Me too. The ultimate best thing about Thanksgiving is the time off from work. I've decided that working is lame-o and I best not be doing it sometime in the future. Hopefully before I'm 63. That's a hell of a lot of years wishing I could retire.

I'm sorry, what??? Did you say something? What?? Invest?? I'm sorry I don't comprehend.

So I just decided to make my dog a snow dog because at least he can work and pay for some bills. You know? Once your kids get older you need to make them start working. Back when I was little I used to work in the sweatshops of Nebraska. That's right... It's the puppies time to bring in the dough...

Next year he will be buying the Turkey for Thanksgiving. That free loadin' bastard!!! Haha... Just kidding!!! I love my pup and as much as it would benefit our home base I would rather feed him turkey than make him go into the cold snow because you know... He gets cold and shit. He's a wussy just like his Mum.

So happy holidays from Nebraska, I mean, San Diego. Good will and candy for everyone!!! Where's my fucking star to put on the top of the tree??

Erica & Stow

You knew it was coming, huh?

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 21:51:00 +0000

You guys have been ever-so patient with me... I got lazy, then busy, then happy, then sad, then hungry... Wait... Where was I going with this?

Oh yeah, I've decided to take a blogging break. I haven't posted for a couple of weeks for many reasons, including but not limited to:

My computer being crap
The San Diego Fires (I'm fine - thank you.)
Roommates moving in and out
Moving friends in and out
Going to In and Out (a pretty great burger place)
Getting a second job
Playing with my dog
Playing with my band
Playing with... (I could totally write something dirty here)
Working on my clothing business
Unmotivation and laziness

and...

The number one reason I'm taking a break:

I've decided I'm too cool for blogging. Instead of writing all my woes on here I will be devoting my time to painting my nails black, wearing all black, smoking clove cigarettes and listening to The Smiths.

I know... Don't be jealous. Ok - you can be a little jealous but only because I said it was cool to be jealous of me.

See!!! Aren't you glad I'm taking a break? No more reading this crap!! Yeah for non-crap!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll be back,
The Erica-minator

Go ahead, make my day

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 05:02:00 +0000

Sometimes I get so wrapped up. Almost like one of those grape leave with all that weird healthy shit in it. It sounds interesting but when you eat it, you are like, "dude, this kinda taste gross." So sometimes I get wrapped up in a fantasy land that I like to call, "Erica, when she has lots of money and free time." I fall into an almost dream-like state when I see or watch certain things.

At work I sort the mail and one of the partners gets this magazine about traveling. So I borrowed it and dreamed and fantasized I was leaving on a jet plane and I didn't know when I'd be back again. (sorry - I don't remember the rest of the words to that song...) They sort it all out for you. You can leave one day and be in England the next, only to list off all these highly imagery (what? - did I say that right?) places that seems so old, full of history and magic.

I want to go to Ireland where the pixes play and the goats graze... Why do they have to be so cruel? Don't they know that I'm just a receptionist who has no money and an overactive imagination??

So I think I'm going to send them a letter. A letter telling them that I think their magazine is pretty spectacular but unfair and if they don't stop sending it that I will sue them like that lady did when hot coffee spilled on her from McDonalds.

I'm pretty sure they will be scared. As you should be too, because if you ever make me dream about things I can't have I will sue you like my name is Sue. (Did that scare you?? If not then just remember that I have blue hair now and that means I'm punk rock and I can totally kick your ass. Because punk rockers are really, really tough.)

Love you,
Sue

I'm totally jealous of her blue hair...

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 05:36:00 +0000

I've decided to call myself a couple of things. First is lazy. I have been lazy in the hazy fazy area. If you don't know what that means then I suggest you back off before I get rough. I've been lazy in many areas and you are just lucky I'm writing this. Actually you aren't really lucky because it seems I'm rambling more than usual. (Just forewarning you that you may want to stop reading right now. And I mean "right now" as in "this very second" because I can guarantee the quotations will only become more plentiful).

I'm also easily distracted. Right now I'm listening to some sweet ass music and I can barely form sentences because all I want to do is dance!!

I'm a dancing machine. I could just about dance anywhere at any time. But don't expect me to do any steppin' because these feet just don't play that way. But a good foot tapping and head bobbing is in store at all times. Even at work if you are lucky. Which I heard you were...

I'm socially retarded. That may not be the "right" way to say it but I've come to the conclusion that this name is a true and steadfast one because it becomes ever so prominent when I'm supposed to be "mingling" and instead I just people watch, because really, what's more fun than watching some weird old lady with blue hair and different shoes on walk her dog and feed it hot dogs????

I'm easily excitable. I don't think that this is a surprise to anyone though. You have probably figured out if I can write about nothing for 10 posts in a row then I've got to be easily excitable. If you don't get excited about a blue haired lady with different shoes then is life really worth living? I just don't know... I just don't know.

I'm pretty sure that's enough. You totally thought I was going to write yet another paragraph about myself, huh? Well I sure tricked you!!! Done - I'm tricky!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love you my little tricked out bitches,
Erica Putis

Blue hair you, Blue hair me.

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 05:55:00 +0000

Yo homies!!! What's up?? I know, I know... I haven't written in a while. I actually have a valid excuse. My 6 year old computer died. I know... Who would have thought? And I swear I'm not lying. You can ask QofD or Greggoconnell.com. Actually I have Greggoconnell.com to thank for this post. With out him and his computer savvy self I wouldn't have been able to write this nice drunken blog. Just kidding... or am I??? Well whatever conclusion you come too, I can guarntee that the wait for this entry was well worth it. All those days slaving over a hot stove and dreaming about EAP has come to an end. Here is the end all of be all's of all entries.

I have blue hair. And I'm not talking about "down there" hair. Just the regular hair that's on my head. Now I have gone through stages of "streaks" and "perms" but I have to admit that "blue" hair is by far the best. (Do you enjoy my quotes as much as I do? Have you figured out if I'm drinking or not??) The best thing about this blue hair is that I feel like Superman. Not the movie Superman but the comic strip Superman. You know what I mean... The blue haired Superman. There is no way that he got that color from his home planet. I'm pretty sure it was from this colorist in LA who charges $200 for it. That shit's not cheap. And I'm also pretty sure he had his gay best friend tell him that it was worth the money... But you don't see him getting blue hair. What the fuck? Is he trying to make Superman look like an asshole so that the guys at the gay club will dance with him instead?????

Damn caddy bitches...

Oh... So yeah... I died the ends of my hair blue. But the best thing about it is that it turned navy blue and my hair is dark brown so you can't really tell. So that means I can wear my hair down to work and if someone notices it I can just make them feel like they may be going color blind. Because who doesn't want to make their coworkers feel color blind???

Blind bitch bats are beautiful, (say that 3 times in a row and you win a prize.)
Erica from The Predicates (because I'm a rockstar now...I have blue hair... Duh.)

Will we be stuck in bed???

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 16:31:00 +0000

So, I've been shit loads of busy lately, you know with relaxing over Labor Day weekend and haven't found the time to write in this lovely little space. I started getting complaints from a bunch of you. (Ok - maybe just 2 of you - a girl can dream... Sometimes I dream about rainbows and unicorns and then I think to myself, what a minute - I'm not Rainbow Bright, silly!!) So I half jokingly asked my good friend Matt if he wanted to guest post and wouldn't you know he did!! Not only is it short and sweet, it's also the best post I've...ur... Matt has ever written. So give it up to the one and only, deep thoughts by Matt Handy:

I've been thinking lately that our oil addiction is becoming scary. Aren't we gonna run out someday? And what goes back down into the earth to compensate for all of that thick, heavy, crude oil. What if the planet gets too light? Will that affect our orbital path or revolution trend? If so the weather will definitely become more volatile. Gravity could be altered and we will either float out of bed or be stuck on it unable to overcome the force of our new super gravity. Scary stuff!! Then while listening to Howard Stern, Robin Quivers came up with the best possible solution- "Walk to work Thursdays!!"
Bad blogging at its best! -Matt

Not bad blogging at all Matt!!! Good stuff for the mind and soul!!! My heart is now warm with thoughts of oil and gravity...

Erica

He know's what I'm talkin' about...

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 06:12:00 +0000

You see this picture here? This little ol' bagel? Well, yeah... I'm pretty sure it came from heaven.

If you don't know what I mean then you don't know anything. Well... you may know lots of things but you don't know anything about a low carb diet.

Things I've learned while trying not to eat processes carbs:

1: I love you bread
2: Bagels are from heaven
3: Chocolate (dark) is made to savor in an almost orgasmic way

In this time of trying to get healthy for bathing suit season, I've realized that I don't have as strong as will power as I thought. I swore I would never be one (I totally just wrote "bee won" haha...) of those bloggers who writes about what she had for lunch but you know what? When you aren't eating god damn carbs you have a god given right to talk about all the wonderful Wonder Bread you ate. Fuck you guys!! This is my blog.

So I might have eaten a whole bag of hot fries... You know what I mean... It's those cruchy fries that Cheetos make that force me to say, "Holy hell, these are hot!!" about 3 times. That's pretty hot for a girl like me. I used to never be able to eat anything spice hot. Now I fucking love it... It's slightly like drug... It releases endorphins I never even knew I had!!

In conclusion, if you are on a low carb diet, just fucking eat a cheeseburger once and a while because I think we all need to get a little closer to heaven.

God loving/fearing,
EAP

Typing feva.

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 05:07:00 +0000

A little something weird. A little something strange. A little something out of date.

My work bought me a typewriter.

That's right. You heard me right. A fucking typewriter.

Apparently someone was annoyed that I was on the internet all day reading blogs when they had to manually type something so, as I have mentioned before, I got a typewriter.

The last time I typed on an actual typewriter was probably when I was 10 years old and my Mom had this gray metal one that she tried to get me to do typing tests on. I would type:

ff jj kk ll ;; dd ss aa fj kl ;d sa fuck you mother fucker i cant do this im only 10

And of course it would be without looking. Because if you looked you were a "pecker". Not a penis-pecker but a "pecker" because you used two fingers to type everything. Now that I'm older I see that the "pecker" can type as fast or faster than I can. Pretty fucking amazing actually. So I'm left with the question... Do you think it was necessary to learn the 10 finger typing ritual, or would we be better off pecking? With all the text messaging and shit I kinda wish I was a "pecker"...

Who's with me on saying "pecker" a lot??????

So, back to my story.... I got a typewriter at work and I was so inspired by the clicks and return button, I wrote this. Which is just the picture at the top but larger so you can read it. And believe me... It's worth it. Especially for a blogger... You could learn a lot from a 10 fingered typer like me who feels the power of beyond to write the shortest book ever written. (And exactly why am I not in the Guinness Book of World Records???)

Where's my fucking brandy? (Cherry flavored brandy with suffice, thank you.)

Erica Putis novelist extrordinare

I like, You like, We all like.

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 05:01:00 +0000

Because I don't feel like thinking too much and I need to make time to drink the rest of my wine I've decided to do another faithful list.

I know you are very excited because I'm excited and what I say goes. Alright bitch??? Good. So for no reason at all I'm going to list some things I like and dislike. I may have done this a long time ago but no one reads my archives and if you have then, fuck you!! Just KIDDING!!! Read my fucking archive!!! There's some great - or lame, depending on your mood - stuff there.

I like when I feel the need to torcher myself in the shower and turn the water either really hot or really cold. My soul burns and I feel alive baby!!!
I like to sit in front of a window fan but then dislike when I get cold and need to wear a sweater in the middle of summer.
I like Werther's Originals and when I'm eating them I wish that everything tasted like one.
I like to say ticka, ticka, ticka like Dr. Evil. (That was Dr. Evil, right?)
I also like to talk to myself and my dog in an English cockney old man voice. My dog likes it too. I swear.
I don't like to Tequila.
I like (love) Vodka and I also really like calling it vo-dee-ka like that 90's hiphop song were they say, "vodika, bodaida, vodika, bodaida" Anyone??? Anyone???
My car is really dirty again and I wish some one would write fag mobile on my window again. (the only post I have ever done a meme) I guess that means I like fags and mobiles...
I dislike memes.
I just got a webcam and it's really hightech and moves around and shit and I'm pretty sure it's one of those robot dogs in the puppy stage. I also named it Tink. And I like that.
I dislike long posts so this is were I will stop, even though I like writing these bullets because when are bullets not fun? I guess they wouldn't be too fun if they were, like, a real bullet or something. Unless you were shooting at tin cans. Because I think that might be fun and it bring out the hick in me that I've always tried to cover up. But I don't think I would listen to country music while I was shooting tin cans because that would just be over kill.... Really.

So there you have it. I know you have been waiting all week for this list and now you can have sweet dreams about candy corn and rabbits.

EAP

I never knew the weather could be so exciting

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 05:57:00 +0000

I never said I was smart. I never said I, "watch the news." I never said that I'm smart and watch the news.

It's true. I would prefer watching Scrubs to the local news. And do you know why? It's about 10% that the weather guy/girl are trying to make San Diego's weather exciting, about 30% that they are talking about negative body-cutter-uppers, and about 60% that, obvious to everyone, that all the news casters really want, is to just get it on.

And by on - I mean "ON."

I was watching a woman and a man (it could have been a man and a man - or a woman and a woman but it wasn't. Just because it wasn't doesn't mean that I don't approve of gay newscasters. OK? Get off my fucking back already!) at the end of the news and I swear I could see fireworks. It was like the fucking Fourth of July on NBC. There was teasing and some giggling and maybe even some pinching. Ok - maybe there was no pinching but I bet as soon as the camera was off they had there hands on each others private parts.

It was that obvious.

So what I propose is that if you are a newscaster and you feel the need to get it on with your fellow newscaster, just lay it all out. It's ok to kiss on TV right? How much more exciting would the news be if you saw you favorite newscaster having a good make out session on national TV? That is, if only you aren't one of those obsessed people who have crushes on the weather girl and someday hope to have babies with her and go through her garbage and have a night vision lens on your camera...

So I'm sending out a memo. Make out or get out!!! Get it, got it good!! Cut it out!!! (like Joey from Full House? Anyone??????)

Damn I need a newscaster make out session,

Erica-miss-lonely-watching-TV-by-herself-
with-a-screwdriver-and-her-dog

Chimps or birds??

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 04:54:00 +0000

If you could be any animal, what would you be? I just got done watching a show on PBS about chimpanzees and I'd have to say it was fucking amazing. Whether you believe in evolution or not, it's crazy the similarities between humans and chimps.

They like to eat, I like to eat. They like to squawk at the top of their lungs, I like to squawk at the top of my lungs. They like to groom each other, I like to groom myself. They make tools, I act like a tool. It really quite uncanny.

So I was thinking that if I had to be an animal I might want to be a chimp because it's kinda like a human but without all the drama. Don't get me wrong... They have drama but at least they don't snap their fingers and say, "talk to the hand." Right? And I wouldn't have to worry about wearing make-up and shit. Actually - I take that back... I'm kinda of a girly-girl and like wearing make-up. But just because I'm a girly-girl doesn't mean I can't kick some mad ass!!! Mad chimpanzee ass!!! So back off bitch!! Haha...

But then sometimes I'll have dreams where I'll be a bird, flying high without the aid of drugs... I'll just be floating away like a sappy, happy love bird. (no - I'm not having sex in the air in my dream - I mean "love bird" like, "I love the world" hippie bird. An asexual hippie bird. WAIT!!! Birds don't have sex, silly!!) When you fly in your dreams it's quite thrilling. You wake up feeling like you can take on the world.

So if I HAD to pick, which one would I choose? A womanly chimp or a hippie birdie?

I think I might have to go with the bird because if I've learned anything from my childhood, it's that Sesame Street's Big Bird is way over do for a make over. And I'm not talking about some blush here... I'm talking about a Ms. Big Bird. So move over gay Big Bird - I've got something meatier!! I'm strong, yellower, a bird and ALL woman.

Are you all with me? Is the world ready for a Ms. Big Bird?

Delusional and very weird,
EAP

Saving the World With Coffee

noreply@blogger.com (Erica AP) — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 05:41:00 +0000

I'm no Kristi with her witty banter, but when my stomach, mind and bladder have a conversation, I can't ignore them:

Mind: You know what would be fun? Alllllllllright!!! You got it...

Bladder: No - PLEASE don't do it. You know how annoyed I get when you do that, right?

Mind: Stop being such a fucking pussy. And anyway, I'm stronger than you and I can do what I want. You just have to fucking deal.

Bladder: God - you are such a prick. Did you know that?

Mind: Ummm, yeah, but I'm a prick so I don't give a shit. Good - I'm glad we are cool now...

Bladder: Well, we aren't really "cool now" but whatever.

Mind: I'm so excited... I love how coffee makes me feel. I'm pretty sure I'm king of the world and who doesn't want to be king of the world at work?? I'M THE KING OF THE MOUNTAIN!!!

Bladder: You are such an ass.

Mind: Yum... It smells so good. And with creamer and sugar, it's basically like heaven... Heaven with coffee... And sugar... Oh... and caffeine. Did mention that it makes me feel buzzed at work??

Bladder: You are going to regret you ever did this, man.

Mind: Holy shit - it taste like coffee ice cream!!!

Stomach: Um... HELLO?????

Mind: Oh, Hi...

Stomach: Did you forget all about me?

Mind: Um... Maybe - I'm trying to get a buzz at work... Why should I remember you?

Stomach: Because I'm starting to feel like shit and it's all your fault.

Bladder: I know!!!! Now I have to pee and she doesn't give a rat's ass about you or I. I can't believe how insensitive she is... Right?

Mind: Oh my god... I can totally type, like, really fast and write really witty comments on blogs. And I think when I get home I'm going to do something creative... then I'm going to clean the bathroom, and then I'm going to do the dishes and then I'm going to write an entry in my blog...

Stomach: There she goes again... God - all she thinks about is herself.

Bladder: I know!! She hasn't even let me pee yet and she knows how much I hate that...

Stomach: Maybe if we start pinching her, she will do something for us... Like stop drinking coffee or something.

Bladder: Yeah!! We need to join forces and take over this bitch!!

Stomach: Hells yeah!! You give her a bladder infection and I'll give her an ulcer and see how she likes them cookies...

Mind: Oh my god, did you see that lady... Oh my god, I could totally take her. I mean - I'm not violent or anything but If I had too... I totally could... Hahahahahhahahahahah... Oh god - I love caffeine. Man - my belly hurts and I kinda have to pee... What the fuck? Can't a girl have a cup of coffee without any bitches nagging me??? Hahhahahahahah.... I just called my bladder and stomach, bitches!! Hahahahhaha.... I love coffee...

So I peed like a champ and howled with pain. Then I laughed and wrote some comments that were funny in my head. Then I told myself I would never drink coffee again... Unless, of course, I NEEDED it...

I love caffeine,
Erica dumbass