It’s a hard thing to get over. I went along as if everything would go smoothly. I didn’t plan ahead and I waited until the last minute to try and make it work. Many would say it’s my fault. But when I look back and think about the bib number that was supposed to be mine, I just feel empty and a large void in my heart fills with bitterness. Racing is that one relationship that you have where everything is somewhere between a happy comfortable and an obligatory love. On a day to day basis, you look ahead to the race with an eagerness to build as much strength and confidence in it, but once the process of going through it gets underway you begin to learn about those nagging little details that make it a little tough to handle at times.

I’ve never missed a road race that I signed up for. I’ve shown up slightly buzzed, with little or no sleep, and even found myself in a port-o-potty when the gun went off in more than one instance. But I’ve never missed a race, let alone made a decision not to go… until Seattle. And not running it feels like a bad breakup. Seeing results, reading blogs, and hearing about it ignite a deep tearing feeling deep in my gut making me angry at the world but even more at myself for effing it up and not putting more effort into it.

And then I begin to feel regret. If I had done just one thing different; purchased a plane ticket further than one week in advance, I might have had a better shot at going. And I can’t forget about the void that I had to try and fill all weekend; which failed miserably. I tried to go out and run a long 17 mile run to try and mimic the pain of the race, but instead I lied in bed and felt bad for myself. Finally, to make it all worse, I looked up the results of the race and saw that I might have placed in the top 25 females (assuming I at least tied my previous marathon time). If that wasn’t “just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic,” I don’t know what is.

The bike ride was smooth. I only stopped for tire paranoia one time. The other many stops I had to take were to text back and forth between co workers and boyfriends trying to figure out a way to get a co worker a ride. Texting my co worker that I might be late for the run, he texts back that his car broke down and he won’t make it. So begins the back and forth calling and texting trying to set him up with a ride, meanwhile trying to get a hold of another co worker that will be riding in to work with me. Needless to say, it was a stop and go ride. All this after a night in LA, and only a couple hours of sleep; boy what a morning. My biggest fear of the morning was getting to work in one piece. Now that I am here, I can worry about the conversations that might have taken place between boyfriend and co worker.

That being said, my slight cockiness has driven me to sign up for the following races:

Run Through the Vineyards- May 9, 2009 Temecula, CA

San Diego Rock and Roll (Relay)- May 31, 2009 San Diego, CA

Camp Pendleton Mud Run- June 6, 2009 Oceanside, CA

Updates on performance will follow. It’s nice to know that I am running comparable times to my high school and college days, all with a few more pounds and a full-time job to add to it. But then again, damn it, Erin, what were you doing in college? Breaking out of my schnide (pronounce sh-nied) up to this point I imagine.

Ryan Hall, my former love (current eye candy), is holding up well. He held the lead for a good portion of the race, and though the lead pack got ahead, he was within eye shot of the leader, and gaining ground. He’s always been an amazing runner, ever since the days in High School when he sweat on me when breaking 9 minutes in the two mile.

As they passed Fenway Park and headed for the finish, the women took it down to the very last step. Passing Kara Goucher, Dire Tune and Salina Kosgei took turns passing one another until Salina gave one last push to win by a step. Dire Tune fell to the ground, hopefully she is doing well, and Kara Goucher finished in tears, and rightfully so. She held her ground for most of the race. For the men, it was decided about miles from the finish. Deriba Merga took the win in 2:08, with Ryan Hall within a minute from him finishing in 2:09. What a great race.

A little closer to home, my good friend and former USD teammate, Jessica Karlsson, finished the race in 3:27:47. She ran a sub-8 minute pace (7:56)! Her Husband, Andreas ran a 2:55:15, at a 6:41 pace! Great job guys!  What a day!

This last week hasn’t been my proudest as far as building miles up. Battling with a knee possibly injury, I have opted to swim all week in order to save a useless trip to the doctor who will inevitably tell me to rest my knee and try swimming.

Because I am not running, it seems natural that my motivation would take it pretty hard. That was, until I came across this blog: Run Lindsay, Run. This is a blog about a girl who admits to being a couch potato and is determined to run an 18 mile race in October. It’s the triumphs in others that make me proud to be the runner I am. As far as not running, I’ll just have to wait it out and keep swimming.

Follow Lindsay’s blog and help her to succeed in the race.

I am also proud to report that I have taken up coaching in the smallest degree, helping my roommates train for the upcoming Mud Run this June. I haven’t been as stringent on the 6am wake up calls as of yet, but that is soon to start once I can get myself out of bed.

As for now, I am possibly going to run a half marathon this Sunday and a 5k in April. I suppose spontaneity is my goal as far as races this year; save for the Seattle Marathon I am already signed up for in late June.

Finally, as a quick update, I am looking to head to graduate school this fall, and most likely in a location that doesn’t have the same winters as San Diego. Therefore, I am looking for any type of advice on how to dress, how to stay motivated, and how to survive in winter weather while still keeping up with my intense running schedule. Which brings me to this post at Team Cross Runs. This post discusses how to survive a run in -21 degree weather…

… Sounds brutal.

Do your part! Watch these videos.

Fumi, Foozeball player; Me, Erin eSurance; Eric, Scooby Doo

1. Injury*- I have mentally battled this as well as physically. And it has been such a battle on me that I’ve started and deleted many blog posts because it is almost too discouraging. But now I come clean… I am constantly running on pavement (thanks to a full-time job that lies in the center of many business districts and an hour long lunch in which I squeeze in my daily runs). With that, in addition to the many hills throughout the city, it seems inevitable that my shins will act up here and there. However, and many long-time runners will agree on me with this, at what point do you attribute your lack of motivation in running to shin splints. This is not to say that shin splints are not a serious threat or that they should be ignored. In my running days, I have come across shin splints like lame pick up lines. You give them one cold treatment and they get the message and disappear. Recently, this has not been the case. My left shin would bother me walking around, running, even touching. Never having this extreme of a case of a shin splint, I worried my entire run that my leg might split in half and break mid-stride. This happened all the while that I told myself it wasn’t too bad and I could run through anything. Is this something that should have slowed me down? Should I have stopped? Taken days off? Or was it in my head? While I was able to talk myself into getting out to run each day, I decreased my distance and intensity while increasing icing time. It’s getting better, but still mentally hurts.

*While I write strictly about shin splints in this entry, I have the same problem with Plantar Fasciitis on my right foot.

2. Yoga- I started adding yoga into my weekly routine in order to help my flexibility. While I am much more flexible than before, it has slightly taken a toll on my running; at least an immediate toll. The days that I do yoga, my runs are substantially more of a struggle and I constantly feel the need to work much harder to maintain my stride and pace- thusly affecting my energy efficiency. But, like the injury, do I let this interfere with my motivation and running ability? Is it becoming too much that I am threatening my running athleticism for yoga? Or can I even blame the yoga for my efficiency in running? This decision needs more time, since I am relatively new to yoga.

3. Diet- I live by a strange dieting regimen; semi-healthily (but lazy) during the week, awful on weekends, and snacking 24/7. Weekends consist of at least 3 fast food meals, while the weekdays consist of either pasta or some sort of frozen food. I don’t have the diet that many athletes would deem appropriate; but to many people that are just looking at me(not meant in any cocky way), I “have nothing to worry about.” O-contraire, mon-frère! It worries me to a semi-large extent. No matter my shape or fitness, it is unhealthy and affects my running. This is why I have tried on a number of occasions to give up fast food (and have done so successfully) for a period of time and have just been defeated on my first detox attempt. Of course, my mistakes in the detox led to the defeat (making exceptions such as coffee, etc), but still trying to run despite the obvious lack of energy sources even further defeated my runs, and thus, my motivation.

While the typical tone in many of my posts have been optimistic and motivating (at least I hope so), I hope that this honesty still motivates, but also makes running and exercising more realistic. Often times we get into this dream bubble that nothing can stop us and nothing will bring us down (this often happens after a PR in a race or a great workout). And worst of all, we all at some point deny that we are ever vulnerable or experience any doubt in our running. But of course, I speak for myself…

At day one, Faith couldn’t run more than just a couple of miles at a time. Having to walk (and sometimes sleep) she managed to work her way up into triathlete status. In four months, she worked hard, endured many aches and pains and has already completed in a couple of triathlons. It takes more than just practice to face up to a challenge like this. With determination and a promise, these few months have given Faith the chance to prove to herself that hard work pays off. And while she works day in and day out to help a good cause, she is taking one healthy step at a time towards reaching the change and accomplishment of a lifetime.

Thanks to people like Faith and those that participate in Team in Training, we have something to aspire to: determined athletes out to make change possible.  

Stay tuned to find out how Faith Lighty does this weekend in her triathlon!