Warkymom

Email Debt Forgiveness Day

2016-04-15T09:53:00.001-07:00

I am a huge fan of podcasts. I am always trying to find a new one that I can sink my teeth into. One of my favorites is Reply All- a different show each week about the internet. Last year, they started a National Day that intrigued me. It's called National Email Debt Forgiveness Day. Basically it's addressing a very real problem that we can sometimes find ourselves in. One where someone has sent us an email days, sometimes weeks, or maybe months ago that we didn't (for whatever reason) respond to.

Come on, you know you have one. Maybe it's a work email that you didn't want to write back with the answer to, or a friend you haven't talked to in who knows how long. Maybe you accidentally forgot to respond, or maybe....it wasn't an accident. On April 30th, PJ and Alex have created this Email Debt Forgiveness Day to allow you to respond, with no questions asked, to those emails you accidentally or on purpose- didn't respond to. Just send the recipient this link in your response and relieve your email guilt.

If you're like me, you might be saying "I am actually quite good at responding to emails, this doesn't apply to me". WRONG. I'm fairly certain that if you look far enough back, like I did, you might find that, actually, you DID forget to respond to something or someone.

Life is too short to have guilt over response time, so I'm putting it out there now to remind you that Email Debt Forgiveness Day is out there, it's real and it's coming up very soon. Mark your calendars, crack those knuckles and let's get to work.

Also...be kind to those who send you emails on April 30th. One of them might just be from me.

To my baby girl on her first day of kindergarten

2015-08-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Olivia,
I cannot tell you how hard it was to say goodbye to you today. I knew this day was coming. I thought about it, prepared for it, prayed through it, worried over it all summer. Finally today was the day that my baby girl left the nest. What a bittersweet day.

Sometimes I wonder what you will think of our decision to put you into transitional kindergarten. I think about this one year and how if you do well, you will move up to first grade and if you need more time you will stay in kindergarten. And basically, that will dictate the rest of your life if you are younger than all your classmates, or older. I have thought about this since before you were born; looking at your birthdate on the calendar, wondering how we would navigate this tricky October birthday you have. I have no way of knowing how this decision will change your life, all I can do is go with my gut and do my best and hope it turns out alright.

You, my sweet girl, are such a bright sunshine in my life. You have fought adversity, obstacles and big brothers and have turned into this very caring, sweet joy to be around little girl. I am going to miss that sunshine in my life each day as you shine in the world and not beside me. I wonder Olivia if you know what a treasure you are to me? What a gift it has been to have your sassy personality in my life? To hear the funny things you come up with, to watch your face light up when you come up with the perfect outfit. Your style is so unique.

Over the summer I've also watched as your natural musical ability has become more evident. Your ability to harmonize to any song (even songs you've never heard before) just blows me and your daddy away. We listen to you pick out the parts, feel it in your bones and sing in beautiful, clear tones and it just melts us. You have a gift- one that cannot be taught, but only given to you by God. You have such gifts, and such a great personality I am loving watching you grow.

I have no idea what this year will bring you, but I know my girl that you were built for this. I know that you are ready- even if I'm not. And I support your growing- I don't want to hold you back.
So I sit here, wiping away the tears and smiling that my baby girl is finally with the big kids, in a place that she can shine. I cannot wait to see what this year holds for you, my sweet Olivia.

Love,
Your mama

Taking Back Father's Day

2015-06-20T17:44:00.003-07:00

When I was a kid, Father's Day was all about making a craft out of popsicle sticks and a special card expressing all the ways in which I loved my dad. He would, of course, read every misspelled word incorrectly that started down a 20 year path of him calling it Fat-hers day. It was simple, it was important.

Then.... I became an adult. I began to see just how complicated a holiday like Father's Day became.

When my husband became a dad, I started to see just how heated the debate became about how to celebrate it. Instead of taking time out of a church service to recognize all of the dads out in the congregation, it became a solemn, reflection time out of respect for those who had lost a father.
Instead of my facebook feed being full of best wishes to dads out there, it became flooded with blog after blog of reasons why, out of respect for those who have lost a dad, we shouldn't celebrate it so loudly.

There are a lot of reasons why celebrating Father's Day to some people is hard. Some people's Fathers were not great, some left too soon, others never got the opportunity to be fathers at all. I do respect that. But I think it's all the more reason to celebrate the dads out there that are just doing their best.

There are so many dad jobs in this world that get overlooked. So many moments in a dad's life when they scrub vomit out of the carpet, or work tirelessly on that science project. There are a million serious talks they must have, and pick ups and drop offs they have to remember. Some dads have to miss the big game because they're at work, and feel that guilt of wanting to make it up to their kids. Some of them work ridiculous hours and still find the time to read to their kids, or tickle them before they go to sleep. Even as their children grow up and leave their house and only remember to call them when they need help or money, they're still there, doing those silent jobs that they seldom get appreciated for. The world would be an awfully crummy place without dads in it.

I lost my dad 3 years ago, in my opinion way too soon. I will always miss him. I will always be sad that he's gone. But I don't ever want that to get in the way of celebrating Father's Day.
I can still remember that he was my dad for 30 years. I can still be thankful for the time he was my dad. I don't need a look of sympathy or for people to hide the fact that they still have incredible dads in their lives. In fact I don't want them to. I don't want for people to take away the honor that so many hard working dads out their deserve because of my grief. Dads are important, they should be honored.

Now in my household, Father's Day belongs solely to one man in my life. A man who works 40 plus hours a week and goes to school full time and still manages to make my kids feel loved and appreciated. A man who takes the time to have the hard discussions with his kids and to balance that with ridiculous amounts of kisses and cuddles and wrestles and tickles. A man who goes to every performance, every game, every special moment in my kid's lives because he knows how important it is not to miss.

So.. I'm taking back Father's Day. For Tim, and every other dad out there who's just doing the best they can. I salute you. I respect you. I honor you. Your kids...treasure you. This is your day, nobody can or should take that away from you.

How to do Disneyland in the Rain

2015-04-20T17:05:00.003-07:00

You've done all the planning, made all the reservations. You've bought the tickets, but the forecast says RAIN! DON'T PANIC.. your vacation isn't ruined. Here are some tips on how to be wet and still have fun.

The number one thing that I heard from people about rain is..to buy ponchos. I searched every store I could think of and I couldn't find them anywhere. I did not want to spend the money in the park so I packed our best raincoats and umbrellas and hoped for the best. Don't skimp on the ponchos

As you can see, our light raincoats were no match for the sudden downpour that happened and we remained wet for the rest of the day. If I could impart any wisdom to you, BUY PONCHOS. If you can't find them in stores anywhere, then fork out the bucks and buy the Disneyland ponchos available on main street. It may be a bit more money, but it's worth not being miserable all day. Bring extra layers
As much as ponchos help, once you've been walking miles on end in wet socks, the trench foot can be wicked bad. Bring extra socks, gloves, etc. I "threw in" a couple of extra sweatshirts and things for the kids and halfway through the day, they changed out of their wet clothes into dry clothes and it was amazing how much extra energy and cheeriness they gained. Pack the extra layers in a waterproof bag. I use a cooler bag I bought at Costco to keep food cool on hot days. It also serves as an excellent waterproof backpack for all those dry clothes you want to keep dry.
Stay Dry and Have Fun

You've got the right gear, now what do you do? Just because it's raining, doesn't mean you can't ride. There are plenty of fun rides where you can stay dry..even in line. Start out on the Jungle Cruise. The line and the ride, while in the elements will be a dry one and it can keep you in that jungle atmosphere.
Pirates of the Caribbean, Finding Nemo, and It's a Small World are all long rides that you can enjoy inside. Rain can also force people away from standing in a line, so most wait times are short.
Indiana Jones, Space Mountain, The Haunted Mansion, Star Tours and Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters are also great for keeping dry.

Take the time to Meet and Greet

Every time we go to Disney, my kids want to see Tinkerbell and the line is always monstrously long, even at the beginning of the day. When the rain came pouring down, we saw an opportunity to go visit Pixie Hollow and to our surprise, we literally walked right up to her... NO LINE! When it's raining outside, your Disneyland experience doesn't have to be a downer. Go see the people they want to see most! Visit Fantasy Faire, the wait for that is totally covered and the lines are quite short.

Sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

Rain presents a great opportunity to hit up some of those shows you've been meaning to see. Like the Fantasy Faire theater, or Mickey's Magical Map. Over in California Adventure you can go see Aladdin or sing along with the Elsa and Anna at the Frozen Sing-a-long. These theaters offer a dry place and some entertainment that sometimes we forget to stop and enjoy when we're busy riding all those rides.

When in doubt, Tiki-out

The tiki room is another great place to enjoy a break from the rain. It offers warm temperatures and fun, classic Disney charm. Our family enjoyed the refuge during a particularly nasty part of a storm. But even the rain shouldn't deter you from enjoying those famous dole whips. They are worth standing in line in the rain for!

Enjoy those treats!

Another wonderful treat is those famous Disneyland hot chocolates. Reasonably priced and full of warm goodness, they cannot be beat, even when standing in the rain. Of course, if coffee is what you need, the Starbucks on Main Street is highly motivating for a rainy day at Disney. I also suggest the gumbo at New Orleans Square or the chili bowl in California Adventure.

Go Big or Go Home

Of course, there are some rides where you just cannot avoid getting wet and to those brave souls who still want their Disneyland adrenaline fix, I say.. go for it! During a rainstorm can be the perfect time to hit up that roller coaster you all love so much, because those lines thin out pretty fast and only make room for the die hards. We made the trek to Big Thunder Mountain and screamed in the rain with no wait time at all. We ended up going on it 3 times in a row because we could just walk on. It can make for exciting, wet memories!

YOLO

If you're already wet, you might as well get more wet. Take the rain as a perfect sign to go all in on those water rides you may have been avoiding. Guaranteed Splash Mountain and Grizzly River Run will have very short wait times. We decided to do Grizzly right before the park closed. We had no wait time, we got soaked and then we walked home. It was the most fun ever!

So don't let that rain damper your time in the park, after all you are still in the happiest place on earth. Make the most of your experience and make memories to last a lifetime!

We Do Hard Things: And we live to tell about it

2015-04-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

Last week I was sitting on my bed just in awe over this battle that I had fought and won with the school to get Elijah a printer for his ipad. You would have thought it would be easy, but the amount of red tape I had to cut through was alarming and after 6 months, and weekly meetings he finally got that printer! It was a sweet victory and I was reflecting on that when Elijah walked in.

He said, "Mama, I'm sorry that you had to fight so hard and that it took so long just to get me a printer." I smiled at him and said, "Buddy that's okay, it was a hard fight but it was worth it and you got what you needed and do you know why?"

Elijah looked up at me and said, "Yeah mama, I do. It's because We Do Hard Things."

And just like that... my work was done.

Over the past weeks, as I've been sharing with you this family motto, I have been amazed at how many of you have been using it. You've told me about your little victories and your massive life struggles. You've laughed, you've cried, you've opened up your heart and you've done it all in the name of 4 powerful words. These words are the battle cry I'm hearing as some of you are heading to the hospital or just simply making it through the day.They are the words that you whisper when you feel near defeat or that you scream when you've finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. It's not just what we say to ourselves, it's what we say to each other.

It came to me so clearly through a text message I sent to a friend of mine. I was telling her about having to put our beloved dog Sadie down. It was gut wrenching and terrible. And her response to me was "We Do Hard Things." I could just laugh and cry at the same time! When there is no right thing to say; what a response, what an encouragement.

And after that, I just knew I couldn't go another moment without it being on my wall for me to look at when I need it the most. A little 4 word pep talk on my wall. So I searched the internet over and came upon a lovely little etsy shop named RustiCreations owned by a doll of a woman named Laura. She made a custom, hand painted sign for me that I just absolutely love! Once she heard my story, OUR STORY really, she went even further and offered all of the warkymom followers an opportunity to get a custom made sign just like this one at HER SHOP.

Not only a custom sign, but also a 20% off coupon code for all you warkymom followers on ANY ORDERS in her shop. And guys, let me just tell you, there are some really amazing pieces in there!
She's a sweet mama from Nevada who's just doing hard things like the rest of us.
The coupon code for this amazing deal is: warkymomblog20 and it expires May 31, 2015 so if you need a little pep talk on your wall, now would be a good time to get one. P.s. Mother's Day is so close!

As you can see, I hung it up in a place of honor in my livingroom, where I fight my hardest battles and need the extra encouragement.

I just wanted to say Thank You to all of you who have shared your battles with me. There are moments in every person's life when they are in the trenches and it's been amazing to see how many trench buddies I have and how many of them are carrying their flags to victory! You guys truly inspire me and I am in awe over your love. Keep fighting guys... We Do Hard Things... we just do.

WE DO HARD THINGS: You're Not A Bad Mom

2015-03-04T16:00:00.001-08:00

I've recently listened to a podcast called Invisibillia. In an episode, it talked about a study on how blind children, if left to explore and were not coddled, could end up doing amazing things like climbing trees, riding bikes and basically..well basically everything. But because of the way the world sees blindness as a disability, we are programmed to help them, to do things for them. That made me think. A lot.

In my house, my kids do not naturally "try new things". In fact, most of the time, I have to drag them kicking and screaming.

One of the harder things I have to do right now, is to convince my son who has bilateral radial aplasia (both arms missing radius bones and fingers) that he is perfectly capable of putting on his jackets and buttoning up his pants. Fact: I am not totally convinced that he is perfectly capable of it. I have to teach myself not to say that to him. Part of my training, is to repeat over and over to him that he can do it. And then, the second part of my training (and by far the most painful part of it) is that I make myself stand there and watch him struggle. I encourage him. When he whimpers and whines and says "Mommy I can't do it. I tried but I can't." It makes me sick to my stomach, and with a lump in my throat I say "Yes you can baby. You can do it." I give him tips, I cheer him on, I ball my hands into fists and scrunch my toes and try with all my might to NOT do it for him. It's agony and each time we are finished with that terrible exercise, I usually go into another room and sob.

I would love to say that it is because my kid is "special" that makes my pain so much more tangible. That is FALSE. All parents go through challenging times in their kids lives. But it's so important for us to hold that line. I hate making him work so hard and hearing him so frustrated. But I know that the day that he learns to tie his shoes is going to be so much sweeter because we worked so hard to get there.

Last night, when I was being a "consistent parent" and making my daughter clean her room, she wailed so loudly that I said the typical thing that one says when they feel they are torturing their child. I said "I am SUCH a bad mom."

But as I said it, my seven-year-old looked up at me and asked me why I thought that. I said that it was so hard sometimes to make your kids do things that are hard, especially when they cry. It makes me feel bad.

He looked right at me and without a pause said, "Mama, you are NOT a bad mom." I smiled and said thanks and then he said, "No mama, do you know that? Do you know that you are not a bad mom?"
As if that couldn't just melt you into a puddle, he was saying it while he was doing a chore. A CHORE people! I hadn't even bribed him.

Pushing my kids to do hard things might just be the toughest part of my job. It is tiring. It is ear piercing. It's unsettling. It's so so frustrating. And, if I do my job right, it will be totally thankless. But even though I push them, I know (if not gently reminded by my sweet little boy) that I am NOT a bad mom for doing that. Sure they may yell at me. They may scream and whine and bang on the wall. But making them do hard things doesn't make me a bad mom. We do Hard Things. And, with any luck, that will stick with them.

Do you struggle to hold a line? Do you feel discouraged about how hard it is? Do you feel like the bad guy? I'm telling you now... YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM. You aren't.
Whatever battle you are fighting, whatever line you are holding, whatever hard thing you are making your kids do... know that these things don't make you a bad mom...they make you a good one.

We Do Hard Things: ending the whiny mommy bloggers

2015-02-17T13:50:00.005-08:00

Greetings readers!
I have been on blog radio silence for a while. I'd love to say that it's because I'm so "terribly busy" but the truth is, it's because something has been stirring inside me that I've been wanting to write about for months, but haven't had the courage to. You see... I have a bit of a confession to make and it's a little controversial and a whole lot self incriminating. Here goes. I can't stand mommy whiner blogs.

But Erin, you are a mommy blogger. Oh yes, I am fully aware of it. Hence the blog silence. Let me back up a minute and say that I don't dislike mommy bloggers and I do think that there are some blogs out there that are very helpful to mothers searching for someone who feels just like them, someone who can validate their feelings. To those blogs, I bare no ill-will. No, I'm talking about a specific group of mommy blogs: the mommy whiner blogs.

I am a believer in empowering each other, encouraging people. I am a believer in giving voice to your thoughts and feelings, I am a believer in being real about your life and in giving grace to others who are real about their lives. What I am NOT a believer in, is when you use your life's circumstances to excuse your unwillingness to move forward; to work on being a better you.

This whole thing started on facebook. I had gone through a particularly bad couple of weeks in the trenches of motherhood and as I would scroll through my newsfeed there would be blog link after blog link with titles like "Why I don't take my sensory kid to church" and "What not to say to a mom of special needs". For some reason, this really irritated me.

Some facebook friends would post things like "This is so me guys." And then would link to this lady who was just making excuses about how hard her life was. There was no epiphany at the end, there was no challenge to work on, there wasn't even a way the writer would let you relate to them. It was all very much, a "this is why you will NEVER understand why it's so hard to be me" alienating diatribe. I mean, I have 2 kids with special needs, I could throw down a whiner blog like nobody's business. Maybe I had done that. Had I done that? Suddenly I felt icky. Oh no, had I unknowingly become a mommy whiner?

I thought about the whole reason why I started blogging in the first place. It wasn't to get thousands of hits, to make money, or to go on trips. It wasn't to be featured in magazines or exalted for the most amazing and wonderful person that we all hope people think we are when we blog. I started writing because I enjoyed being authentic, and raw and real. I am terrible at talking about my feelings to people in real life. But somehow, alone (or sometimes in a room full of kids) on a computer, I could say exactly how I felt. I could be exactly who I was. My blog gave me the freedom to say what was on my mind and to talk about the struggles I faced as a human being. Most of the time, those struggles are about being a mom because.... well that's what is important to me. There are challenges as a mother, there are obstacles. You never know if you're doing the right thing, or if you're making huge mistakes. You feel isolated, you feel doubt, you feel joy, you feel incredible love. Those are the things I like to write about. All of it.What I don't like about whiny mommy bloggers are the fact that they tell you how hard it is to do certain things and THAT'S why they don't do them.

In my family we have a saying: We Do Hard Things. How can I look at my son who has trouble buttoning his pants, or tying his shoes and say to him "Son, I know those things are hard for you. It's so hard so just never mind. Don't do it."? I have to lead by example. I have to show him that whatever you find challenging or difficult, you still have to DO. Because the world will not just give you grace because things are hard. We do hard things.

Fact: Taking my sensory kid to church is one of the hardest things I do all week....but I do it anyway. Fighting for my kid to get all of the therapy and medical attention he needs is hard....but I do it anyway. Sometimes getting up and getting your kids dressed is the hardest thing... but you do it anyway. Maybe going to work and kissing your babies goodbye is just the hardest...but you do it anyway. Why do you do it? Because...well because you have to. You can't just give up. It's ok to be upset about it. It's ok to want to quit. It's ok to even whine about it. But eventually, you have to put your big girl blog panties on and...do it the freak anyways.

I have a whole bunch of bright hot pink business cards. Right now they say:                     Erin Warkentin
                           freelance writer * blogger

Perhaps I need to be more specific, maybe a reprint is in order. What it should say is:           Erin Warkentin
                              freelance writer * ~~whiner~~ blogger

Forgive me if I've whined without giving hope, without trying to better myself, without picking myself up and continuing to just keep swimming, just keep swimming. If I've been that to you, I'm sorry. It has become one of my biggest pet peeves and I refuse to let my blog become my crutch for inactivity or lame behavior.

Let's not settle for whineyness (is that even a word?) Let's become cheerleaders, and motivators. Does that mean that I will only ever write positive blogs from now on? Heck no. That wouldn't be real life now would it? It means I will write the good with the bad, as it comes wave on wave and that I promise not to enable my readers; my friends, to be inactive or to use their life circumstances as excuses.

Chant with me friends:

Life is Hard...we do it anyways.
We Do Hard Things.

This Year: The indie artists year

2015-01-13T10:47:00.003-08:00

It should be noted that I have an extreme softspot for the independent artist. I am always in awe of the kind of spirit it takes to not only write and produce your own songs, but to promote, brand, and manage yourself all while touring the country and somehow making a living. I am always fascinated to hear how the independent musician makes their way in the world.

It's no secret that one of those artists, JJ Heller, is a favorite of mine. Maybe it's because she learned to play the guitar at my alma mater, or she is a DIY queen, or can pull of short hair like nobody's business. Whatever it is, there is something that is quite magical about her. Even more magical, is the month that she is having.

After coming off of a long, and I am guessing probably exhausting, Christmas tour, she spent a little time celebrating Christmas with her family. On New Year's Eve, she and her husband Dave sat down and penned the most amazing song about starting the new year off right. On a whim, they decided to record a live video of them (in their entryway) singing it. I love an artist who is so excited about a piece of work they create that they simply cannot wait to share it. In 3 days, it went viral and over a million people watched it. What??? Yeah, it was that good.

Here's what I love about the rules of being an indie artist: there are none. So, she and Dave took to the studio JUST DAYS after the viral video and recorded it. Of course they added a cello piece that can make you melt into a pile on the floor and within a week of them writing a song in their livingroom, it was recorded and available. Not only that, but radio stations were calling and requesting it. For an indie artist that is HUGE. Usually they have to go door to door like traveling bible salesman to get radio stations to play their singles.

I think the thing that is so fascinating about her story is that in a matter of 3 weeks, an artist who works incredibly hard and is incredibly genuine not only created an incredible song, but took a chance and shared it with the world. The results have been astounding. There was nothing commercial about her approach. It's certainly not the way a label would do things. It's the kind of art that we should be supporting more. Because what we support matters. It makes radio stations and executives take notice that we're fed up with over-produced and underwritten songs. That we want fresh perspectives and positivity out there. We want choices. JJ Heller is a voice for that; it's one of the many reasons why I love her. That and the fact that she can also be doing a giant entryway project in her home at the same time.

Here's the original video she posted (and her cute entryway). If you like the song, go purchase it on itunes and let's support the indie artists who are brave enough to challenge the system and make this year the best one yet for JJ.

How to say the right thing when there's no right way to say it.

2014-09-08T13:12:00.002-07:00

I've been writing an article this week. In it, I decided to focus on amputees and veterans.When I got some feedback from my editor he said that he had never heard of the term "arm difference" before and could I change it? My mommy heart grew 3 sizes at that moment. I had never been in that kind of conflict between my career and my maternal instinct. How could anyone not have heard of that term before? I was, quite frankly, a little hurt. When I told my best friend this, she sheepishly admitted she hadn't heard of that term either. That's when I stopped and realized something. The truth is, sometimes I just plain old forget that not everyone loves a little boy with a limb difference, or even knows what that term is.

I can remember when Elijah was a baby how much Tim and I stumbled over the words to describe it. People looked to us to know the right way to say things and we were just as clueless. We spent so long trying to come up with the right paragraph to answer when someone would say "What's wrong with his hands?" What we wanted to say is: "Nothing is wrong with his hands, what's wrong with your manners?"

Of course, we knew that it was just a way of asking us why our son looked different than others.
It took years of struggling through explaining something that was so personal to us, so sensitive. You could also see it in people's eyes when they would ask. They could see how hard it was for us to find the right words. We've watched as our families have tried to "say the right thing" and as our friends have struggled through it. We've heard words that make us embarrassed and words that make us angry.

I think it's hard to be in this kind of position. On one hand, you want to educate, you want people to know how to address it. On the other hand, you don't want to be that lady that gets up on her soapbox if you look at her wrong. You want people to treat you normally; to not stare at you when you're eating dinner at a restaurant. And you certainly don't want people to avoid you like a plague because they are afraid of offending you. I think sometimes there are people in this world who lack tact and ruin it for the rest of us but for the most part, we're not going to come out and attack you because you don't know the correct terminology.

This summer both of my boys were in a swim class together. I spent every day for two weeks sitting on a bench next to 2 other moms cheering on their kids. Each day they would ask me questions about my boys, getting to know them better. They would remark about how good of a swimmer each one was, or how similar they looked. They asked me about life with two boys, about what school they went to and if I liked it. Not once in 2 weeks did they ever ask about Elijah's hand difference. It's not that I would have minded if they did, in fact each morning as I took my seat on the bench I was waiting for it. But it never came. I loved that they saw me for me; my son for who he was.
Because the truth is, we're just like everybody else, we just do things a little bit differently.

So how do you say the right thing when there's no right way to say it?

Here are the things we say about our son. "He has a hand difference" "He has 2 lucky fins". You can give him a high five, you can give him a thumbs up. You can point to things with your pointer finger. Just don't mind us, we will point with our pinky fingers most times.

What does Elijah think of all this? Well, he will be the first one to tell you "I have four fingers". That's his simple, easy, non-politically correct terminology and it suits him just fine. When asked the "why" question, his favored line is "Because that's just the way God made me."

It's never an easy thing to talk about, let alone blog about to the entire world. But I think it's important for people to know. And, as G.I. Joe put it, knowing is half the battle.

The passage of Time

2014-09-01T20:45:00.000-07:00

Time.

There is a lot to be said about the passage of time. Hootie and the Blowfish (the great orators of our generation) once said "Time is wasted, time is walking you ain't no friend of mine... I think I'm going out of my mind just thinking about time."

Time is so many things to so many people. I think that time is most evident in a mother's life.The days are long but the years are short. That's what they say about motherhood. I would have to agree. Time wasted worries you, time ahead fills you with anxiety, time behind you fills you with sadness. I think of this time in my life with my children and I feel like it is slowly slipping through my fingers. This time is precious, and valuable and quickly moving and ever changing.

It is this time, this preciousness that propels me to take snapshots of my children so that I can look back and remember.

I can remember that moment when your two front teeth were missing. It was just 3 weeks of time before that front one grew in. It was your seventh birthday with that cake that took an army of hands to put together. And it was this cake that made you smile that gloriously magnificent tooth gapped smile that I will remember forever, but that only lasted for 3 short weeks.

I can remember that moment when I first brought you to this playground and it didn't look too big for you. It was just your size. And that knowing smile told me that you were ready for a phase of life that I wasn't ready for.

But that smile also told me that while you were a big boy now, playing with the other big boys, you weren't too big to stop holding my hand or giving me a big, sloppy, wet kiss as I said goodbye to you. You were telling me that it was going to be okay, even though you weren't exactly sure that it was. That was this moment.

And then there was this innocent split second when you were sitting on your Nana's lap and looking up into my eyes with such love; such tenderness. And it took my breath away that someone could look at me that way, that someone could love me in that way. And it was in that moment that I thought to myself "There has never been a more beautiful little girl in the history of forever." And you held my hand and wiggled into my lap and you put your face against mine. For that split second, for that moment we were connected. And I was your everything.

While I'm sad at the time that is already gone and am excited about the time that I won't have to potty train, or pick up the lego that seems to congregate down the edges of my hallway, I must for now live in the present in this fast moving and changing current of happenings that is my children's childhood. How I want it to stand still. I would gladly fill up sippy cups forever if I could just hold onto this moment.

This wonderful, beautiful moment of absolute chaotic, giggling mess.

Patterned Curtains using canvas drop cloths and acrylic paint

2014-08-26T16:28:00.001-07:00

Hey guys, it's been a while since I've posted a DIY blog. I've been involved in several projects for my livingroom this summer and I'm eager to share this one with you!

So I have this extremely big sliding glass door and have spent several years trying to find the perfect curtains to go on it. Because it's so hot here, I try and get sun blocking curtains. But, as anyone else can attest to, those are not the "pretty" curtains you want to use to accent your home.

Last summer on a whim, I decided to buy the pre-packaged canvas dropcloths from Home Depot. They come with one side already pre-hemmed so they are no-sew. I cut them down the middle and then hot glued a hem at the top for the pole to go through. I'm telling you, hot glue is my best friend.

We have loved them and they have kept out that hot sun in our home, but their canvas color makes our white walls look, well pretty drab. I have spent months just staring at them, trying to come up with a solution. I have spent countless hours scouring pinterest, to no avail. I wanted some kind of pattern on them, but everything on pinterest seemed very complicated and I was terrified of messing up.

One day at Michaels I happened upon a Fleur De Lis stencil on clearance. I have always loved a bit of french charm and took a big leap and bought it and some wine colored acrylic paint. I bought 4 bottles of it. I spread out that curtain and measured (ok I somewhat eye-balled it) how I wanted to pattern to look and commenced painting. It took me a couple of hours.

This is the rough shot of what it looked like when I was half way finished. I think the hardest part of the project was replicating the same pattern on the second half of the curtain. It took some effort.

But this was the end result and I couldn't be more thrilled with it.

There were definitely splotches occasionally and each time I painted it, it always came out a little differently. But I actually like that they looked a bit different. It didn't seem like something I bought at Pottery Barn. It felt handmade; organic and a little retro.

In total, I spent $15 on the dropcloth, $5 on the stencil and $8 on the paint to make curtains that spanned the entire length of a very large wall. $28 isn't bad, and it's fun to know that I made them myself.

Can't wait to share my new office with you guys soon! For more DIY tutorials check out my DIY link at the top of the screen. I love to meet new friends, hit me up on Pinterest.

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First Day of Kindergarten Milestone for my middle little

2014-08-20T15:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Noah,

Today is your first day of kindergarten. I don't know why, but for some reason this fact blows me away much more than it did with your brother. I think it's because you have always been my little buddy. Since you were tiny, you have always been stuck like glue to my side. When brother went to school, you were incredibly happy and content to get all the attention. You've walked beside me for every therapy appointment that your brother and sister have had, you've been that faithful, constant, dependable kid. You've been an easy kid. But being the easy kid, and the middle kid is the thing I worry most about for you. You've never known a moment alone, you were born into a crowd.

Today when I held your sweaty little hands and it was the Noah show, I felt your nervousness. You had to face the world without the security blanket of your older brother, or your mama, or your protector daddy. It was just you. I watched as the gregarious, large as life personality of Noah James that I have come to adore just melted into a perfect little turtle shell.

It's not easy being the middle kid. You're always someone's brother, it sort of melds into your identity. You have that added difficulty of being the middle kid of two kids with disabilities. I recognize that sometimes we call on you to do things that we don't ask your brother to do. I wonder how unfair you must think that is sometimes?

I think about how everyone seems to remember Elijah everywhere he goes, and how they often forget your name or that Elijah even had a brother. Sometimes, being in Elijah's shadow is an incredibly dark place to be. I see that Noah. I see you.

My prayer for you is that your winning personality and charm will shine through. That you will make friends, a lot of friends. That people will be drawn to you. I pray Noah that you will grow and develop and try new things and discover who you are. That you will have different interests than your brother and that you will thrive in the world you create for yourself.

I pray, as a mother, that I will always take time to listen to you, even if your brother and sister are louder at getting my attention. I pray that I will celebrate and encourage your strengths, that I will be able to talk through things with you and get you to not hide in your shell, but to talk about your feelings.

I have to tell you, saying goodbye to you today and walking away hit me in the gut like you wouldn't believe. You are my buddy Noah. You are mama's boy and I have, perhaps selfishly, grown to love and cherish that. I hate that I have to share you with the world. Can't you just be my little piece of awesomeness who snuggles in bed beside me forever? No? I have to share you with the world?

I just wanted you to know, to have documented proof that you are loved and you are treasured...highly and that I will miss you terribly as you cross the threshold into the school years.

Don't ever grow up Noah, stay Peter Pan forever okay?

Love,
Mama

Raising music nerds: how I choose to musically educate.

2014-08-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

You open the doors, you strap everyone in and by the time you hit reverse your kids are already happily chattering and debating over one thing: The soundtrack.

I guess I never thought about how controversial a car's soundtrack would be as a parent, or how much it would differ from family to family. I got on the subject with a friend a few weeks back and it got me thinking. She had said that she tried to always play christian radio while the kids are in the car but after a while, her kids get tired of it and ask for pop music.

I have to admit, I'm with the kids on this one. Christian radio stations can get so daunting for me. I think it's the fact that the music is mass-produced and lacking dynamics (highs and lows). It all just starts to run together to me and even though the messages are positive, I lose them sometimes in the monotonous 4 chord progressions that fill hours of the christian airwaves.

I sat in a car with another friend who had classical music on and her two year old was incredibly content and calm. She smiled at me and said "This is the only station we agree on. He HATES it when I play country, but he tolerates this."

All of these conversations going around in my head made me think: What do I do with my kids? When they were babies, I tried to expose them to the most amounts of different kinds of music that I could. I found that they gravitated more towards certain bands and certain albums. They don't particularly care for the jazz that I sometimes make them listen to, but they oblige it simply because introducing them to new music is something that they've done since they were inutero. It's as normal as breathing.

The thing about the radio is... they don't care that children are listening. When you turn the dials and start to hear the adult content that is in most songs it can make your stomach churn. So, as my kids have become more self aware, I've started to just make large playlists that I put on my phone for them. The playlists offer a wide-range of sounds. Some of them are songs from movies they love, some of them are (clean) pop songs. I also have a few albums of christian pop songs that they like equally and, of course, some new indie songs that I deem worthy enough for my kids to listen to.

One of my favorite things to do while listening is teaching my kids about the music. I challenge them sometimes to tell me what instruments they hear, or if they can feel a build up or a slow down. We can just as easily belt out the lyrics to Frozen as we can to Radiohead. I love immersing them in the world of music that is out there. I don't want them to get stuck in that 4 pop song loop just because it's what people are listening to. I want them to be music pioneers; to know all kinds of different music and where it comes from and, eventually, how to play it.

Maybe it's controlling of me to meticulously spend hours creating playlists of music on my phone. But you spend so much of your day in the car, it might as well be a positive and educational experience. If I don't teach them about music, then who will? Miley Cyrus? Lady Gaga? No thanks I got this one ladies.

The funny thing about being a music nerd is... it's actually kind of cool to be a music nerd.

Our vow renewal: 10 years and still in love

2014-07-02T16:06:00.000-07:00

I know that there have been a lot of naysayers out there about vow renewals. I realize that being married for 10 years is nothing in the grand scheme of forever after. But for our vow renewal, it wasn't really about having a new "wedding" although there were many things we did differently. It wasn't even about starting over, it was about acknowledging that ten years later, after a lot of life lived in a short amount of time, that we still genuinely love (and like) each other.

It was also about strengthening the commitment we made to each other when we hadn't really experienced the bumps and bruises of life. When we couldn't even possibly understand the promises we were making to each other, or how they would be tested. In Ten short years we have had a whole lot of life come crashing down on us and still, with God's help, we have remained united. This day among family and friends was a reminder of that.

Our kids were also a huge part of the equation. They have asked us so many times to recount our wedding. We felt that it was important for them to see that we are in love, that we are committed to one another and to our family. We tried to include them in every way we knew how. Making sure that they understood how valuable their presence was and the reasoning behind it.

We had them each walk us down the aisle and then walk back with us when it was all finished. We wanted them to know that this was also about them.

We have always loved the charm of the Diestelhorst Bridge in Redding and originally wanted it to be the charming backdrop to our festivities. When the opportunity came up, we rented the bridge out so that we could seal our vows at sunset with this being our view.

The theme was rustic charm, and there was lots of it on the bridge. We had white painted shutters as the "alter" and a burlap wreath along with lanterns and white flowers for added charm.

We said our vows in front of a small group of close family and friends as the sun was setting and were blessed by them also making the commitment to pray for and encourage us in our marriage.

And they all prayed for us, which, if you have ever experienced is overwhelming. We felt very loved.

We wanted to remember everyone who came, so we had them each frame themselves overlooking the river.

And the consensus was made that we pretty much have the goofiest and most fun family and friends ever.

After that... it was time to party. And party we did. We moved to the end of the bridge where our rustic reception was awaiting us. Complete with down home treats and a Smores bar! I enjoyed crafting many of the items used for the renewal and especially took an interest in the chalk marker typography used for the menu. Super fun! And my dear friend Corrie comissioned her husband to make some awesome rustic crates for the event out of pallets.

And, of course, we included bugspray because when you're on the river you can't go without!

We also created a little snapshot scavenger hunt to encourage guests to snap pictures we might have missed.

We never got to have a first dance the first time around, so it was fun to have one this time. We had fun making a spotify playlist of music for the reception together. It kept the party lively.

As the sun began to retreat into the mountains, the party took on a new romantic glow. With a breathtaking view like that it was the perfect setting for slow dancing.

We also let our 6-year-old son have a camera to give his own perspective of the ceremony. I was amazed when I looked at them just what it was that he saw. Here are a few of my favorites:

It was magical. And then it came to a close. We loved every minute of it and were so happy that we were able to celebrate with the ones we love. I enjoyed sharing this with you as it was a labor of 6 months of hot glue, paint, and love. I hope you enjoyed it as well.

Datenight Disney: Top Ten ways to be romantic at the happiest place on earth

2014-06-26T19:47:00.001-07:00

Disneyland isn't just for the young, it's for the young at heart. While there are many fun things to experience at Disneyland with children, it's also a great place to share romantic experiences. But how do you do Disney on a date?

Ranging from high-end to low budget, here are the top ten things to do on a Datenight at Disneyland.

#10- Baby You're A Firework.
Nothing says love quite like fireworks. Come bundled up and ready to snuggle with that special someone while watching a gorgeous firework show sure to dazzle. It's a great start or end to a fabulously fun-filled datenight.

#9- A Street-lit Stroll.
Is there anything more magical than mainstreet at night? I think not. Enjoy a romantic hand-in-hand stroll down the beautifully lit path, or perhaps a nice hot chocolate while sitting on a bench and enjoying the atmosphere. It's proof that not every Disneyland experience has to be about waiting in line.

#8- It's a Small Boat Afterall.
Nightime is the perfect time to enjoy an almost abandoned Fantasyland. When the kiddos are away, the adults can play and it's a great time to enjoy a quiet ride on a gorgeously lit "It's A Small World". Hit the back of the boat for a more "private" cruise.

#7- High Flying Romance.
While you're in Fantasyland, take the time to enjoy the kid in you and head on over to the Dumbo ride. Full of lights, disney music and a view you can't beat, you can squeeze in close and hold on tight.

#6- Spin Yourself Silly.

See how dizzy you can get by spinning at ridiculous speeds, or take the time to do what really matters.... kiss. Either way, the teacups provides a fun setting and close quarters and isn't that the perfect datenight recipe for success?

#5- Dance the Night Away.
Stroll on over to the castle where a beautiful waltz is already being played, it's the perfect setting for a slow dance. Tucked away in the back, with lights down low and minimal traffic, it's a great place to cut a rug or maybe steal a smooch.

#4- Someday My Prince Will Come.
Take the scenic route when you're traveling from the bridge and head on over to Snow White's Wishing Well. The lights, music and little water show is a wonderful place for a handheld stroll. While you're there you can throw a penny in the wishing well because when at Disney, all dreams come true.

#3- A Scream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.
There is something to be said for an adventurous date. Plan an adrenaline-filled day where you ride every ride that tests your limits and makes you scream and laugh all at the same time. It's a great way to get to know someone special.

#2 The Love Boat.
How about a romantic evening cruise? A jungle cruise that is. Nighttime is a great time to cuddle while adventuring through piranha-infested waters and chuckle at the cheesy jokes and silly scenery.Who knows what can happen in the dark?

And the #1 thing to do on datenight disney............

#1- You're pulling out the bigstops tonight, you want a romantic experience and you're willing to shell out some moolah to make it special. Then you can't go wrong with dinner at Carthay Circle in California Adventure Park!

Designed like the first theater that Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs premiered in, this fabulous restaurant has an old Hollywood feel and is just steps away from the entrance to the park. It requires an early reservation, so make sure to call ahead when planning your special night. The upstairs dining area features beautiful furnishings, dim lights and class and sophistication that can only come with high-end dining. There are also private sitting rooms that can make those special moments more unique. The staff is very accommodating of anniversaries, birthdays or other special moments. Just make sure to mention it to your waiter. The menu is incredible, featuring mouth-watering, delectable treats. There are even special meals available that include VIP tickets to the world of color, so you can end your world-class dinner with a little show. Dinner at Carthay is a sure thing on a special occasion.

And there you have it, the top ten fun things to do during a Disney Datenight.

Want more Disney tips? Check out my Disney Secrets page at the top of the blog or click on the Disney Secrets link over on the right in blog categories.

You can also pin this for later!

Jurassic Park Birthday Party on a budget

2014-06-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

Today I wanted to share with you a birthday party for my son that was a total hit, but didn't break the bank. Let me introduce you to my son. This is Noah, he loves dinosaurs and has an incredible imagination. For his fifth birthday, I wanted to do something special for him. I had great plans to take him to a dinosaur museum, but after months of searching for an exhibit near us, I came up empty-handed. Noah's favorite movie right now is Jurassic Park. He just loves the idea of dinosaurs, so I thought it would be a great way to throw a birthday party.

A feast for Carnivores and Herbivores alike
Little disclaimer: If you are searching for a beautiful tablescape to present gourmet food, you have to come to wrong place. I believe that Pinterest somewhat clouds our perception of what a "great party" should look like. You see, while pretty tables are nice, a five-year-old boy could really care less about that. With that being said, I'll go straight to what a five-year-old boy cares all about: the food.

We went simple with food, and tried serving kid basics. Chicken nuggets, pretzels, chocolates, bugles. Just mainly munchies. The key was to create fun "dino" language for them. They were a real hit with the kids and the adults got a kick out of the names.

The real crowd pleaser, however were the dino bones. These I made out of pretzels, marshmallows and hardened chocolate. While Pinterest made it look "easy" I had to figure out a method to it before it looked good. At first, they just looked like dumbells because the marshmallows were too big. I cut them into 4's and they seemed to be big enough to resemble the ends of bones. Also, don't let the chocolate harden too much, keep it hot, or else it will be a hot mess.

Here is the end result. Noah was super excited to eat these dinosaur bones!

Below are the signs I used, along with a blank one for you to write what you will. Feel free to use them.

Adults Can Have Fun Too!

Because our family likes to do birthday parties right, they all agreed to dress as characters from the movies. Noah had such fun guessing which character we were. We also had fun creating movie memes that we put throughout the house. It's a fun way to incorporate the movie and entertaining kids and adults. Because let's face it, being an adult at a kid birthday party isn't always fun, making memes and dressing up allowed for adults to participate too.

Here are some of my favorite memes:

One thing I love to do is incorporate kids in getting ready for the party. They're so excited, but it can take hours before it's time to celebrate, so what can they do? I sent the kids out with sidewalk chalk to make dinosaur footprints to further decorate for the party. It was entertaining AND helpful. Also, some of the dino drawings they came up with were hilarious!

Let The Games Begin!

For boys, it's all about the games. You've got to have good ones to keep the party hopping. So the first game we played was a small remake of the original game we played for Elijah's Star Wars Party called "Don't fall into the tarpits!" The children had to hop, skip and jump onto the rocks (created with sidewalk chalk) and make sure not to fall in the tarpits, or they would become extinct! Kids of all ages love this game and it's one we like to come back to.

I Really DIG this party!

The main dino-event at our party was the dino-dig. I've seen many variations of this, but it was important to find realistic dinosaur bones for our very enthusiastic little boy. We got two giant packing containers (from the garage) and bought sand from the local hardware store. We decided to seperate the diggers into two teams: Carnivores and Herbivores, so that they wouldn't be chucking dirt in each other's faces and so as to not create giant arguments. We settled on a model we found on Amazon that had several different pieces to find and buried them in various depths in the sand. Then we had the teams use little paint brushes, just like regular paleontologists, so as to not hurt the bones.

This took up a large portion of the time and it was fun to see their excited giggles as they found a new bone each time. It really tapped into their imagination.

Once they had found all of the bones, they had to put it together. This was a little more challenging than we anticipated, but even with the dads helping out it was still fun to see their dinosaurs come to life.

As you can see, the finished product put a smile on his face, and I could see that this was exactly the kind of "dinosaur birthday" he had been dreaming about.

Let Them Eat Cake!
Of course, I could have gone all out on the fancy cakes that I saw all over google. In the end, our Noah was so specific about what kind of dinosaurs he wanted on the cake that we ended up just making one and letting him choose out of his personal collection what kinds got to go on his cake. It may not be pinterest pretty, but he loved it. He also loved being able to be a part of the process. After all, it is HIS birthday, why not let him choose what was on the cake?

And no party would be complete without a T-Rex pinata. The kids had a grand old time whacking that T-Rex.

And there you have it: our Jurassic Park Party on a budget. Full of imagination and fun!

How Swim Therapy Changed Our Lives

2014-05-27T16:29:00.001-07:00

Olivia has Sensory Processing Disorder, or SPD which has affected a lot of her development. (For more information on what SPD is, click here.)

Last summer, we were in a very precarious situation. You see, the state offers a lot of occupational and physical therapy to children under the age of 3 but in order to qualify for that therapy, you have to be at a certain development delay. At 2 1/2, she had many delays, but not enough for her to be getting consistent therapy. While our Physical therapist continued with her, all other options began to close for us. Because of the nature of SPD, it isn't something that's readily recognized like autism or cerebral palsy and isn't given a lot of ground when it comes to helping children. Frustrated with the system and desperate for my little girl to still get the help she needed, I turned to the internet.

I started to read blogs and see articles about the tremendous strides that swim therapy, or water therapy, was having on children with sensory issues. Because of the weight of the water on the body, it affected how children would understand their body in space and allow them to build muscles and skills they wouldn't otherwise be able to do outside of water.

I was encouraged by the amount of people talking about the results of this therapy and began to search for water therapists in our area. After a few calls, odd looks and head scratches, I realized that this was unchartered territory and that if I was going to do swim therapy with her, that I would have to learn how to do it on my own.

So I went rogue. I researched different excercises to do with her, I consulted her therapists, and I tried it out once to see how affective it really was. I was AMAZED at how one session in the pool changed her attitude, stamina and skills. I knew we had hit an SPD goldmine. With a donation from an incredible friend, we were able to gain access to an indoor therapy pool all year round.

When we started: Olivia was very clingy to me, could barely walk, couldn't jump, climb stairs or use her tummy muscles very well. She was wobbly, uncoordinated and afraid to try new things.

But slowly, over time I began to see her develop skills inside of the water, where it felt safe and familiar. In the pool she started jumping , and diving underneath. Pretty soon you could see my two-year-old daughter holding her breath and submersing under the water and swimming. She was a fish. The people around the pool were as astonished as I was. She was in control, and in her element. The feeling of going underwater not only allowed Olivia to understand where her body was in space, but the pressure of that contact allowed her nerves to get relief, sending endorphins to her little brain.

I started to see muscle development and confidence in her. Pretty soon we started working on behavior modifications in the water. When she was having a particularly bad week with over stimulation or her nerve endings were tingling, I would take her to the pool and work on those behaviors that were a challenge. It's like she was a different person. She was alert, and willing to try new things; she was happy.

In the year since we began swim therapy, Olivia can now climb stairs, walk properly, twirl, and run- all things we take for granted but were unattainable to her before. We still have things that are problem areas, but seeing the transformation not only in skills but in attitude has been incredible.

When I started this whole search to help Olivia build the skills she needed, I had no idea the endeavor I would be taking on. But it just proves that sometimes...you have to go rogue to get things done. I'm so glad she found something that's all hers. To see Olivia swim is to truly see inspiration.

How to add embellishments on regular picture frames

2014-04-24T17:02:00.002-07:00

I am the girl who keeps several picture frames in her garage at a time, just waiting for the next project. Whenever I go bargain hunting, I'm always looking for the most ornate, embellished picture frames I can. But those can be costly and often difficult to find. So I came up with a solution of how to add embellishments on regular picture frames. And I'd like to share it with you today as a part of the Dollar Store Hacks series.

These are the tools you will need to complete this project:

Step One: spray paint the frame the color you want. Make sure to use several coats until it's completely covered. I chose white to create a more shabby look for my frame. Step Two: lay the beads on a flat surface and cover them with the same colored spray paint. You may need 2 cans to fully coat both the frame and the beads. It also may take several coats to cover the metallic colors of the beads.

Step Three: This comes the tricky part. Once both your frame and your beads are completely painted and fully dried, it's time to combine them. Cut the necklaces one time so that it's just a straight line of beads. Match the beads to the side of the very edge of the frame. Place a line of Gorilla Glue along the edge of the frame.

CAUTION: Working with Gorilla glue can be tricky. Make sure not to get any on your fingers. It dries quickly and it expands when dry so make sure it's placed where it needs to be quickly and that the beads are straight.

Hold firmly for a few minutes. If there are extra beads, you can put them around the corner or cut them off and join them with another strand of beads. Do this until all the corners are covered.

Step Four: By now your beads will completely cover the frame. Any excess glue that is showing you can peel off. I chose the white color because the Gorilla Glue I used dried white and it was easier to hide. If you chose a different color, I would suggest covering the frame in a third coat of spray paint to hide any extra glue.

And there you have it, a much more embellished frame. For more dollar store hacks check out my dollar store hacks label.

Or you can click and save this for later on pinterest.
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We don't negotiate with terrorists: how to deal with picky eaters

2014-04-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

Every family has got one. There's that rogue eater, the straggler, the last one to finish their food, or rather the last one to push their food around their plate enough for it to look like it was semi-eaten. And no matter what you do, it is a struggle at every meal to get protein and vegetables or something unfamiliar into their stomachs. So how do you deal with a picky eater?

I wish the answer was a simple one. The truth is.... it takes work! Here are a few methods:

Consistency

I think if there was one thing that I could say I've learned in parenting, it's that consistency is key. If you aren't consistent, you might as well give up now because they will wear you DOWN. It's their job to push limits and test boundaries and to make you feel like maybe you've gone mad. The only way to win this war is to tow the party line.

With our three-year-old, consistency is proving to be the mountain we have to die on. Every. Single. Night we put a well-balanced (okay sometimes it's not always well-balanced but hey, nobody's perfect) meal on the table. And every single night she goes through various stages of whining, complaining, crying and screaming all through dinner. I have to say, it's not a pleasant experience. She tests our patience until it is as thin is a spaghetti noodle. Tim often asks "Why do we even make her dinner? We know it's just going to go straight into the garbage."

Tim speaks truth. Most of the time, I question the sanity in even making a meal for her. But there are those shining moments, those little glimmers of hope when she reaches for that fork and takes a big, heaping bite of something she's never tried before that I feel that all those other nights have paid off.

Sticking to the Rules

This one is a tough one for me. In our house, we have hard and fast dinnertime rules. No dessert, or bread or anything "extra" until the meal on your plate is consumed. This one is a challenge because we have three kids and only one picky eater. It often feels to our daughter that we are singling her out when her older brothers get a cookie or a snack. She watches them laugh and enjoy the chocolatey goodness as she pushes around her green beans and whines about how unfair life is. There was a time when I would give into this and hand her dessert- big mistake HUGE! Don't do it guys. Put down the cookie, just say no. The consequences are not worth it.

Don't Negotiate with Terrorists

Now there are lots of different kinds of dinner negotiations. I'm not talking about the "eat 2 more bites and you can be done" negotiations. No, those compromises are the only things that give me the will to live sometimes. I'm talking about, the dinner terrorists. The ones who decide they will give you their terms and you will submit.... or else.
"Ok mama, if I eat 3 more bites of rice, I can have a cookie" Hmmmm..... Nope. Those are not the rules. (Wild fits of rage ensue) "Ok, 4 bites!" Uh, still no.
I counter with an "How about all of it?"
"Ok... fine."
Yes!! I'm thinking about joining the United Nations.

Don't Push It

No matter how hard we try, there are just going to be those nights when nothing gets eaten. It happens to everyone. And on those nights, we allow a little bit of water, but we stress that nothing else is coming until breakfast (which they are always STARVING for in the morning). In order to ensure confidence in your picky eater, it's important not to berate them. Ok, so you may feel like another culinary masterpiece has gone to waste. Hang up that apron and surrender the dinner bell, nobody ever died of an over consumption of peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches.

In short, it's important to stick to your guns and remember that it won't always be like this. But if you can stick to it there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Lessons from my 6-year-old or the day I failed as a parent

2014-04-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

Let the record show, that I am an imperfect person. It's true. I don't like admitting it, but who does? Yesterday I had a major parenting fail. I like to think that I had the best of intentions, but the truth is, my 6-year-old absolutely schooled me.

Elijah was working on his homework, as he usually does most evenings. He had a homework packet sent home to him that he had completed, but his teacher wanted him to do it over. Now this happens frequently for lots of reasons. Most of the time it's because he's answered a question incorrectly. But on this night, he had a very large packet of homework sent home for him to re-do for a very different reason.

Let me back up, I have a mama warrior heart. I have spent a very long time, so many times, fighting very hard for this kid. It's not that I'm out there just raging on people, it's just that to get him all of the medical treatment, therapy and schooling he has needed it has been terribly challenging and I have stepped in as his advocate. I'm used to that role. It's comfortable, familiar and for a long time I was his only voice. So when things happen to him that I have deemed unfair I tend to get a ~~little~~ okay a whole lot red-faced, spitting mad, angry about it. Why do little things like this set me off? I think it goes back to the day that I first held him in my arms and had flashes of these types of experiences, what they would look like and how it would be over my dead, rotting corpse that I would let ANY injustice befall him. Perhaps, in this regard, I get a ~~tad~~ incredibly overdramatic. On this day, Elijah called me on it.

Back to the homework packet: I noticed that it got sent back with giant lettering on every page that said "Color NEATLY"
Things that I said inside my head "Color neatly?? Color neatly? Let's see you effing color neatly when you have 4 fingers that don't bend." Also probably some other expletives.
Things that I said out loud: "Elijah who corrected this paper? Why do you think she wants you to erase it and color again? She will probably just send it back again."
Things that I mouthed silently across the room to my husband: "Are you KIDDING ME? Who says that to him? What does she expect????" <note it was totally silent>

By now I am fuming. I'm already in cleaning-the-kitchen-so-I-don't-do-something-stupid mode. I'm thinking of things to sarcastically write back on the homework packet and possibly more expletives. You see, I'm mama bear, I'm a prize fighter, I am here to fight all the injustices of this world, one homework packet at a time!

But then Elijah, after erasing his previous coloring venture, calmly began re-coloring his homework and casually said "She's not going to send it back again mama, she knows when I try hard. But I can work harder, there is always room for improvement."

Bam. Just like that. I got completely schooled by a 6-year-old. While I was so busy getting ready to pounce, I forgot that my little boy is growing up. He doesn't need me to fight every battle, just the important ones. And so, I failed as a parent that day because I forgot that I don't have to be his voice, he is his own. And maybe I don't have to get so hot under the collar at every little thing that happens to him. Maybe a little self-control is in order?

Yep, I'm human. Fortunately, my son loves me anyway. And I can try harder tomorrow.

Diary of a freelance mom

2014-04-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

A friend of mind recently said to me "Boy, it's like you lead two lives" And I have to say that lately, that's felt very true.

I've really had the opportunity to travel a lot for work. It's junket season and with that comes first class flights and fancy hotels. But I have to say, for a mom that does dishes and laundry most days, it seems like such an out of body experience.

I've been getting a lot of questions about what I do. The short answer is: I'm a freelance writer. It's a slow process but it's been rewarding to build my resume as things come up. I've been able to screen movies and interview actors and directors. I've had the chance to write reviews and features for a few publications. I've been able to see sights and truly spread my wings and I've enjoyed every minute of it. But when I'm away from my kids it also feels like a huge part of myself is missing. I so enjoy being able to talk about media and writing and social issues with my fellow writing community, but I also just as equally love talking about First Grade book fairs and the funniest thing that Noah said last week to other like-minded parents.

Maybe that's why I love this blog so much, because I can share everything with you. There are so many pieces to my life, so many interests and passions and causes that I have, there is no way in this little ADD brain of mine that I could ever contain my thoughts to just one subject, or my passions to just one page. I'm a mom, first and foremost and my favorite view is not the most amazing city skyline (like this one from this last weekend in Beverly Hills):

No, my favorite view is still this one. At home cuddling next to my sleeping children and being a part of their everyday life.

I'm still trying to figure out how to bounce from thing to thing and maintain a sense of balance and order. And while I'm confident I may never know balance and order in this chaos I call life, I sure am glad you're along for the ride.

NOAH: an honest review from a hopeful spectator

2014-03-25T18:10:00.003-07:00

I had the chance to screen the movie Noah this weekend, and I must say it was not at all what I was expecting. Being able to travel to visit the ark on set during production last year was incredible. The sheer magnitude in size and great attention to detail made me feel like I truly was there. Since that experience, I have been nothing but excited about the movie and how it would benefit mainstream media by bringing a message from the bible.

Perhaps my expectations were a bit high, and also more influenced by previous bible film experiences. And I know, after interviewing Darren Aranofsky, that he was trying to break the mold of traditional bible films. Let me tell you, he did and then some. Right from the beginning of the movie he introduces a mythology I am entirely unfamiliar with. Perhaps it is my sheltered, flannel-board sunday school mentality, but it begins much darker than I thought. The bible really puts an emphasis on how the world was wicked and God was displeased. But it doesn't say in what way it was wicked. And I must say, this writing changes the way I perceive wicked to be. But it's true, the world had to have been so incredibly, unbelievably wicked for God to want to wipe it clean like that. I'm sure I don't want to even imagine what it was like.

But in this world of dark and different, Aranofsky brings an almost Tolkien feel to it with mythical creatures I've only ever heard whispers of. He brings them to the forefront of the story in such an interesting way that while I am pretty confident that this is not how it happened, it still intrigued me. And I'm pretty sure that the whole point of writing this story the way that it was had more to do with making the world turn their idea of what really happened to Noah on it's head.

By the third act, things take such a dramatic turn that the story is almost unrecognizable. I found myself wanting to audibly ask "Why did you do that?" Fortunately for me, I had the opportunity to ask that the very next night as I sat down at a roundtable with both writers of the film: Ari Handel and Darren Aranofsky.

They spent half an hour taking apart each section of the film and explaining why they made the choices they made. Each time they explained, I found their case to be compelling and oddly....believable. At the end of the interview I found myself almost rooting for the film, having unearthed it's secrets and understood the direction it went in. Unfortunately, not everyone has the luxury of hearing directly from the writers why they made the story decisions that they did, and consequently, I fear that the movie will suffer with religious viewers especially because it is so very different from what we have made up bible movies to be in our collective heads.

My hope is that viewers will enter the theater with open minds and check their expectations at the door.

Top 10 Best Places to Rest Your Rump at Disneyland

2014-03-06T17:28:00.001-08:00

There comes a point in every Disneyland trip when it doesn't matter whether you're old or young, have kids or not; you must find a place to relax and you must do it... NOW!

Maybe you're suffering from heat exhaustion or nursing a wicked bad blister. Maybe you're wanting to eat your packed lunch in solitude or you just want to get away from your whining grandkids. In any case, today I'm sharing with you the Top 10 Best Places to Rest Your Rump at Disneyland.

#1: One of the best meeting spots in Disneyland is The Hub. It's in the center of the park and there are a lot of benches available. The best spot in that section to sit is towards the right near Tomorrowland. Not only does it have plenty of room for large parties to eat, or rest your feet, it's right next to a garbage can and is facing the castle. It's a great place to have one of your party sit and save spots for an upcoming parade: Prime real estate come parade or fireworks watching time. It's also central to all the food vendors on main street and great for people watching; a perfect place to send Grandpa when he's tired.

#2: If you find yourself in Fantasyland, a great place to park it is near the Small World giftshop. Located right next to the bathrooms is a nice little brick wall that's perfect for a bathroom or snack break. It's shade provides relaxation while you sit and wait outside the ampitheater for shows like "Mickey's Magical Map". It gives you the advantage over other waiting people as you can relax that hiney of yours and swoop in at the opportune time when they open up seating for an event. It's also conveniently near a train depot stop in case you want to continue calming your caboose with a nice leisurely train ride.

#3: "I'm in Fantasyland but I don't want to go all the way back to Small World!" Have no fear, another spot in a tucked away corner is near the exit of Sleeping Beauty's castle walkthrough. Located just steps to your right as you're entering the footbridge of the castle, this is a wonderful little nook for a quick rest. Across the way is the Bippity Boppity Boo Boutique where your little princess can shop till she drops. There are also some drinking fountains nearby and you can enjoy the ambience of the castle. But there's not a lot of sitting room and high traffic so it's really just a quick resting place until you regain your energy. Editor's Note: If you have misbehaving little ones, it's also a wonderful spot for a time-out.

#4: Finding rest for your weary derrier can be tricky in Toontown. It's often crowded and can be unforgiveably hot. I suggest resting your rear at the entrance to Toontown, where there are plenty of park benches. It's a great place to keep the little ones while the older ones hit up the Roger Rabbit ride.

#5: Now you're in Tomorrowland and your desperate for a behind break. I suggest the park benches directly across from the Star Wars giftshop. It's near a few vendors selling refreshements, close to the foodcourt area and it is right at the center of Tomorrowland. This basically means it's where rides like Star Tours, Space Mountain, Captain EO and Buzz Lightyear all feed out of, so if you're meeting a party that has split up to conquer Tomorrowland, this is a great place to sit.

#6: Now let's hightail that hiney to the French Quarter where Disney favorites like Pirates of the Caribbean and The Haunted Mansion are. Right near the train depot is a lovely little brick wall that overlooks the French Market restaurant. It's shaded and you can enjoy some live jazz music most days. It's a great stop off if you've just gotten off the train but you're not quite ready to conquer New Orleans Square.

#7: If you find yourself in Critter Country, have no fear. Rest your tired tuckus at the second level seated diningroom of the Hungry Bear Restaurant. You don't have to be eating to enjoy a shaded, peaceful area with a lovely view of the river and Mark Twain's riverboat every now and then. Not to mention it's right by a water fountain and bathrooms. Heck, you could camp out there all afternoon.

Are you ready to explore the restful spots inside California Adventure?

#8: My favorite spot is located at the back of the park next to Goofy's Sky School in Paradise Pier. It's a tucked away, shaded by an awning place full of tables. It's a wonderful getaway spot to eat a packed lunch, or try out the Corndog Castle restaurant just steps away while you're being entertained by one of the many unique live bands playing on the small stage. There's also bathrooms and an outlet if you're like me and have absolutely depleated the battery life of your phone.

#9: Fischerman's Warf in Paradise Pier is also a great spot to relax that rump of yours. Full of lots of benches, next to bathrooms and also smack dab in the middle of some amazing places to eat, it's a prime location for if your fatigued fanny is famished.

#10:Carsland is a spot you could spend half the day in, but where do you park your posterier? Right next to Flo's V8 and directly across the street from the Cozy Cone, is a fantastic little shaded area with benches to spare. It's got bathrooms and waterfountains and is conveniently next to the main Carsland street so you won't miss when Tomater or Lightning McQueen drive down. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the Motown music that's sure to keep you in a great mood.

And there you have it, the top ten best spots to rest your rump at Disneyland. For more fun and interesting Disneyland info, check the labels : Disneyland Secrets or tips and tricks. Thanks for reading!

Free Tilly: how an irrational fear turned me into an activist

2014-02-26T16:20:00.000-08:00

So, I have probably mentioned a time or two on the blog about my fears. I have only a few great fears in my life, most of them have to do with animals. A lot of times when I tell people I am afraid of snakes, they nod in agreement, or at least sympathize.

When I tell them I am afraid of cats, they scratch their heads but eventually understand- afterall a lot of people are. But it's the third animal that I have a phobia of that often has people rolling on the floor laughing about. I admit, it is a bizarre animal to be afraid of, and not often something people understand.

The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of killer whales. It's sad but true. Last year just driving down the street and seeing a giant Seaworld billboard featuring Shamu sent me into hyperventilation mode, and my husband into hysterical laughter. I mean really, who is afraid of killer whales?

I can trace my fear back to an unfortunate visit to Sea World Orlando I had with my dad and grandpa at age 5. During a shamu show, one of the whales got out of control and had a "run in" with a trainer. I can remember my dad covering my eyes and potatoe sacking me out of the stadium.

Recently I got to talking with my brother about this fear and he looked up all of the instances a killer whale has had an "incident" with a trainer. It's astounding really the amount of them. However, he was quick to point out that there was never any documented proof that orcas have ever attacked a human in the wild. To which I sarcastically countered with "Yeah, because there probably weren't any survivors to come back and document." Okay I admit, perhaps that is too far. Maybe I should give them a little more credit than that.

Recently, the documentary Blackfish has shed some light on the current problem of orcas attacking trainers. Specifically, 33-year-old Tilikum who has been involved in at least 3 deaths. Tilikum is literally my nightmare. What I can't figure out is how in the heck after that many documented attacks they thought it a good idea to collect his sperm and use his DNA to fill their orca population quota? Do they not think that more incidences will occur with genes like that?

While some refute Blackfish and label it as useless slander, it's difficult to argue with that much evidence of dangerous encounters. Yes they are wild animals, yes proper precautions aren't always carried out. But some instances, like Dawn Brancheau, the attacks are completely unwarranted.

After seeing the film, I began to become killer whale crazy. An odd, discomforting desire to research and understand came over me. I began to research an organization I have only rolled my eyes at; PETA. Interesting fact: there are several PETA activists who serve on the board for Sea World, in efforts to change some of it's animal handling practices.

PETA, an organization known for extreme and sometimes ridiculous measures to get their point across, are taking a surprisingly ethical approach to the whole Sea World craze. Instead of wanting to "Free Willy" (bypassing a failed Keiko the whale experiment), they simply ask that Sea World move it's facilities to the coasts where the animals can live in natural water enclosures. It's true that most of the animals born into captivity would not be able to function if set free. But being able to experience the ocean and it's elements would at least give these animals a very very small taste of what their original habitats are like. Perhaps it would allow orcas to not be so violent towards humans, and each other.

And so, after a lifetime of fearing, loathing and generally having a large distaste for killer whales, I have found myself becoming an activist for them. What? How did this happen? How did I become pro-PETA? I have to say it's because of an animal, Tilikum, who both terrifies and intrigues me.

Love is everywhere

2014-02-14T17:35:00.003-08:00

Valentines Day: I struggled with what to write on this subject. You see, I'm in love. On this special day 13 years ago, I went on a first date with a man that would end up being my life-long love. But I have struggled with talking about it because I know there are a lot of people out there that are not in love, or lost a love, or want to find love but haven't, or have given up on love. I get that. I really do. Actually, my heart breaks for those people. Most of whom, are very very close to me. And it is because of those people that I struggle with talking about the love that I have for my husband. Maybe a little more than I should.

But it is because there are fewer and fewer examples of love in my life that I feel like I want to shout it from the rooftops. I am THANKFUL. I am sooo soo thankful for this love.

10 years ago, I had an engagement ring on my finger and was feverishly planning a wedding. I had thought of this wedding, dreamed of this wedding, half planned this wedding from the time I could walk. I would sketch out my dream wedding dress in doodle notes in my tenth grade biology notebook. I stayed awake all night sometimes at my best friend's house in 4th grade just dreaming of what the ceremony would look like. And when the day I had been planning, dreaming, hoping, and wishing for finally came... it wasn't exactly what I had pictured. You see, my wedding day was not my favorite day. For a million little reasons, when I look back on that day it is not filled with happiness, or much joy. More relief than anything, that it was over...behind me. And the day after my wedding day when I was a bawling mess on the airport floor as I thought back to how difficult the disappointment was to swallow, my brand new shiny husband said, "Don't worry baby, we will do it again, and next time it will be different."

You see, on that day when everything seemed to go wrong, there was one face that I saw, one choice that I made, two words that I said that were the best dang thing I have ever done in the entirety of my existence: I married Tim Warkentin.

Because love isn't about a fairytale, or a beautiful dress, or the perfect centerpieces, love is all the days afterwards when you're holding your very hurt child in a hospital room with tubes sticking out of him and your husband gives up the only seat in the room for HOURS so you can hold your baby. Love is leaving a very important meeting at work to help your stranded wife with a flat tire. Love is remembering what I don't like on my subway sandwhich. Love is getting up with the children on a Saturday to let me sleep in. Love is not being able to concentrate at work and coming straight home to smooth over an argument we had the night before. Love is remembering to feed your wife when she is so distraught with grief over the death of her father that she forgot to eat. Love is encouraging me to follow my dreams and pursue my gifts, even if that means you have to stay home and hold the fort down. Love is a joke you heard that you saved for when you knew I'd really need to hear it. Love is a million cooked dinners, piles of laundry washed, and dishes loaded without ever being asked to do so. And this love is what I celebrate today. This Valentine does all these things and abundantly more because.... he loves me.

And it is this love that we have decided not to hide, or shun but to celebrate; to nurture and to commit to grow further. Two days after our tenth wedding anniversary, we will celebrate by renewing our vows to one another and to God. Because let's be honest, at 2am when tempers are high, sometimes you really really forget the vows you made to each other. They are important, they mean something. They are not to be taken lightly, or to forget about and I for one am excited to be able to further commit and see what kind of wild and amazing adventures the next 50 years of marriage hold for us.

So here's to you my love, my Valentine. I celebrate you and our love today.

"I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!"