eronious assumptions

Round Up and Monsanto Are Killing You. Here's How:

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:33:00 +0000

Let me explain something that sometimes seems overwhelmingly hard to understand and is a cause usually championed by "hippies and the tin hat wearers." It's not complicated though. And it's super important. Here's a summary of the problem:

So Monsanto creates these genetically modified crops (GMOs). They alter them so they can withstand Round Up - you know, that stuff you squirt on your lawn to kill weeds. One of the primary ingredients in RU is something called glyphosate which basically makes it so these weeds can't absorb micronutrients like calcium and zinc and they just die off. These "roundup ready" crops can survive without absorbing as much of these micronutrients, so they survive and initially, the yield per acre is enhanced. However, this stuff also means that beneficials like soil organisms and worms and lady bugs and stuff, when they are exposed to this stuff also can't absorb micronutrients and they die off.

Meanwhile, it's like taking too many antibiotics, it eventually takes more and more RU to kill off the more resistant weeds that nature invariably creates to combat this effect. So now the saturation of RU is hitting record highs in the soil and this stuff is absorbed by the crops we eat. Here's the kicker. Glyphosate accumulates in the gut of whatever eats the crops that have absorbed in it. So this piece of corn that already doesn't have much in it from a nutrient perspective is also delivering a giant dose of this chemical that means what little is left in that food is harder to absorb by you!

And if that's not bad enough, there are indications that there may be problems with birth defects and reduced birth rates... but that needs more study.

Anyway, this is a kind of preachy article, but the video (while its long) is extraordinarily informative and is an interview with a Dr. that has been doing this research for a very long time. I recommend that if this concerns you that you not just read this summary, but that you at least watch this video.

http://www.foodconsumer.org/newsite/Safety/gmo/gmo_0131121210.html

The Tax Code Has To Go

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:39:00 +0000

My friend really wanted to repost a rant I put on FB, so here it be with some of the spelling fixed, but no other changes:

Ok, gang, there's a lot of talk about how 15% isn't enough to pay for taxes. Here's my 2 cents. The reason that capitol gains tax is lower is because you've already paid taxes on that money as income. I'm not sure it's cool to keep adding taxes and more taxes to that same dollar. For instance. Let's say I make a dollar for a job I do. I'm probably paying 30% or more (if I'm like Mitt Romney ...and am worth a quarter of a billion). So that leaves me .70. Then there's inflation, which tends to be about 3% (I think) per year. So that's a hidden tax that the Fed printing more money to cover govt. debts, so it's still money the govt. gets ultimately. So that leaves me 67 cents. Then let's take local taxes of a conservative 10%, so that leaves me .57. If I buy a car or a house or whatever with that money, let's take out another 7 cents just to give us a nice round number, so we're down to .50. Do you have to pay taxes on things like food? Take that out too. So before I pay for groceries, etc, I've already given the govt. about half of my money. So let's say I manage to actually SAVE half of that. Totally unreasonable, but let's say I can save .25 out of every dollar I initially earn. Again, this is totally unrealistic. Lets say my investments keep up with the market (S&P), which averages about 8% every year. You're saying that giving up 15% of that is not enough? Folks have already paid about half of what they earn to the govt and you're telling me that hitting them for an additional 30% of whatever they earn on the interest on what they manage to save is reasonable?

Folks, we didn't even have a peace-time income tax until 1894 and then it only affected the top 10% of earners. Then in 1913, income taxes finally became a constitutional amendment. Since then its been all downhill and the tax code has grown to employ over 90 thousand (!) IRS workers which has an annual operating budget of over 11 BILLION dollars a year. To put the code into perspective, the bible has about 770,000 words. the tax code has well over 9,000,000 words! Who is actually going to read that crap? Not me! It has been estimated that it would take an average reader over 300 hours a year to read the tax code because it is ever changing, and that's assuming you understand it. But the lawyers that work for that famous 1% probably know it really well. Want justice? Want to make the playing field more "fair?" The tax code should be cut to the bare minimum and that means that it should be something we can all read and understand. No more lobbyists should affect the code and be able to add their cryptic 30 pages here and there to help buy an election. Then maybe the little guy and the middle class will be able to determine what is and isn't "fair" for themselves.

The Best Thing I've Heard in Years

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 14:08:00 +0000

"The more you know, the less you need."

There's something comforting about that statement. I think that's one of the reason this mindset appeals to me. The more I know, the more I feel prepared to deal with anything that comes my way. Therefore, the smarter I am, the fewer tools and "stuff" I need to survive, or even live comfortably. For some reason, I've known that instinctively all my life, but when I heard that this morning, something just clicked. We now return you to your normal consumerist lifestyle.

Reference my post on January 17, 2010...

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 05:52:00 +0000

Dear, sweet house,

Even though sometimes some of your more outdated features worry me a tad, I'm still whole-heartedly in love with you. Thank you for being such a good, safe, beautiful haven. Right now, your gardens remind me of why I fell for you in the first place. And now that you have central AC, you're so comfortable to cuddle with on a hot summer night. I'm so glad you were loved enough to have such a temperate nature later in your life. I love the way your cork flooring feels so warm on a cold winter morning and the way a little fire is enough to keep me warm in your butterscotch onyx fireplace. I love how people congregate in little intimate circles in different rooms when we have parties, yet everyone knows your heart is in that kitchen because that's where the late-lingerers congregate. Good night, dear house. Thank you for caring for me as I care for you.

All my love,

Your primary resident

PS. I love your zombie pod people poppy plants. ;)

PSS. I promise to keep trying with that lawn.

A While Ago

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 16:51:00 +0000

I wrote this about three months ago but never posted it for some reason.

~~~

I joke around a lot about how I like to surround myself with people who are smarter than me. It’s not really a joke though. I honestly do enjoy learning and the most fun way to learn is to listen to smart people have intelligent conversations. I’ve long had a theory though, and this goes back to my days as a pen-and-paper Dungeons and Dragons nerd. For the uninitiated, when you play D&D, you create a character that you will play in a story that is written by the Dungeon Master (or Game Master). How the characters behave and perform is up to the discretion of and is dictated by the choices of the player characters. It’s a collaborative way to tell a story that involves a lot of pizza, Doritos and Mountain Dew as well as cooperative problem solving and a little bit of math all marinated in a nice broth of too much time on one’s hands.

Just like in real life, there is some randomness that dictates what a character will be. It’s the beautiful fickleness that nature gives us that makes one person’s eyes blue, and one person’s eyes brown, and another person have one of each. In an attempt to mimic this randomness, dice are rolled and the numbers modified in one way or another to determine if a character will be super smart or dumb as a box of rocks, super strong or a 90 pound weakling, super good looking or if they hit every branch on the way down the tree that grows the ugly sticks. There are several categories such as charisma, strength, constitution, dexterity, wisdom and intelligence that these numbers may be assigned to. You’ll roll 3 six-sided dice and write down the totals several times, then assign those totals to the various traits. For instance, if you want a Conan the Barbarian knock-off, you could assign the highest total you rolled on 3 dice to strength and the lowest total to intelligence. Some DMs will actually allow you to redistribute a few points to really skew your character in one direction or another, the theory being that the best stories are told about people who are both truly great and truly weak at the same time. Think Superman with his little problem with a certain glowing green crystalline substance.

So my theory is that real people are much the same. We’ve all distributed the possible points to different aspects that make up who we are. A bookworm who spends all his time in study can get pretty flabby around the middle, and likewise, a jock who spends all his time working his deltoids probably doesn’t get a lot of time to contemplate the finer points of string theory. Many of my friends tend to be heavily weighted in the intelligence and wisdom aspects and have traditionally lacked in the strength and constitution and even sometimes the charisma sections.

That seems to be changing for some reason though. Most of my friends are still smarter than me, but they seem to be becoming stronger, more adventurous and rugged. These pocket-protector-wearing nerds are doing things like white water rafting and very technical mountain biking. They’re hunting and fishing and planting edible gardens. Best of all, they’re approaching these new aspects of their characters with the process-oriented intelligence borne of high intellect. They’re not just getting on a bike and hitting a trail, they’re doing serious research about what kind of bike to get, how to maintain them, and the best techniques for finishing the trek without killing themselves. They’re researching knots and discovering which lures the fish are hitting in a specific river on a specific day on their wifi-capable portable devices.

They’re also looking in different places for new wisdom. We recently picked up a new member of the team that in no way resembles the pale, flabby geeks we normally hang out with. He listens to country music and is an incredibly experienced outdoorsman. He hunts, he fishes, he seems like an extension of the wooded places he frequents – in D&D parlance, he’s a ranger in a party of wizards.

This seems almost unnatural to me, but I love it. What if you could fuse Conan with Dumbledore? Maybe our characters have just all reached such high levels that the differences in character class have become a little blurry.

The Noxious Weed of Hope Springs Eternal

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 15:40:00 +0000

It was an ugly little bugger. Then it was an ugly big bugger. And there were a lot of them. Surrounded by lovely understated flax, dramatic bunches of tulips, and comfy-as-a-pair-of-old-jeans columbine in every possible color combination, it was an outright eye-sore. The pale green leaves were covered in sharp spikes, as were the stems and finally the egg-sized pods that emerged on top of each stalk. To say it was an intimidating looking plant is an understatement. Not only did it whole-heartedly warn you not to even think about pulling it out without wearing a Kevlar suit, but the pods were reminiscent of something from a sci-fi movie. It invoked images of shambling ur-beings – resembling humanity in every physical way, but bent on our ultimate and final destruction. Undoubtedly, the dandelions stealthily poking leaves out from behind clumps of succulents shuddered at such a hideous weed that they now found sharing their bed. They must have been confused when I pulled them from the garden and left them to dry in a heap on the flagstones while such an unsightly creature continued to take up more and more space in the beds. I know I was.

Friends would shake their heads and say I should pull them immediately. One friend suggested with some certainty that they might be “noxious weeds” that would undoubtedly bring ruin to the tranquility of my back yard oasis. I considered getting elbow-length gloves to simply take care of the unpleasant job so that the mint and chives might yet survive the onslaught. Yet I hesitated. Tom and I had agreed not to pull anything out our first year in the house. I have made an exception with things that are growing outside their containers and the aforementioned dandelions. These were different though. They obeyed the containment of the low stone walls of my beds. One of them was even contained in its own small white wire fence… or it had choked the poor creature that had once occupied that space. As the irises blossomed and began nodding their dark purple heads to the rhythm of a music only they could hear, the pregnant pods swelled with future life. But what could possibly come from such a beastly delivery mechanism? The pods became larger and larger and the prickly outer petals of the pods began to peel back, and yet I thought I had days left. I was wrong.

When I came home yesterday, in a rush of self-preservation, one of the brutal looking pods had spewed forth its terrifying payload: The most beautiful crimson poppy I’ve ever seen, with its paper-like petals fluttering in the wind. Now this is my kind of noxious weed!

Spring is here! ... I think.

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 02:07:00 +0000

The buds have finally popped on a few of the trees! Yay! I have exactly 1 tomato sprout in my sprouting tray that my friends Alison and Rob gave me for a housewarming gift. It's a Roma. I saw 2 bunnies on my run yesterday. The robins are so fat, they have to waddle for a few steps before they can take off. I got a sunburn the other day on our 5 mile hike in Ute Valley Park. And then we get winter snow warnings. Son of a...!

So speaking of fun-filled activities in the spring-time sunshine, progress is being made on the zombie apocalypse training. I started the Couch to 5K program again this week now that I can (usually) see the sidewalks. 1 week down, at least 8 weeks to go. This first week was three days of a brisk 5 minute walk, followed by 20 minutes interval training: running for 60 seconds, then 90 seconds of walking, then running then walking etc. until the 20 minutes is up. Then I've been doing a 5 minute cool down walk. This upcoming week's mission is 5 minutes of warm up walking, followed by 90 seconds of running, 2 minutes of walking and on like that for 20 minutes. Then another 5 minute cool down walk. Today was hard, but not as hard as the first day, so it's progress. I'm hoping to get into a 5K race some time this summer!

Weekend before last, Tom and my friends Terra and Logan went for a nice 5 mile hike. Apparently, as long as you tell Terra that we're two-thirds of the way there, she won't mutiny, no matter how obvious a lie you're telling her. Good to know! Terra, you owe me more money... don't worry, keep doling it out, you're two-thirds of the way there! :) Actually, it's a pretty good trick to play on ones self now that I think about it. Maybe I'll tell myself I'm already two-thirds of the way to being able to run a 5K and two-thirds of the way done with my weight loss goals... Yeah! That does feel better!

Speaking of weight loss, I've also started the (oh so controversial) Atkins diet again. I have gotten so much crap about it! I'm not sure why that is. The first time I did this diet, I lost like 40 lbs, and kept it off for a couple of years with everyone cheering me on until I moved to Kuwait. There, I couldn't get my thyroid meds, was working 12 hour days, commuting for about 2 hours a day in completely hellish conditions and ate at a chow hall for most of my meals where they actually ADD carbs and sugars to the food so the soldiers have the energy they need. I had zero chance. Anyway, now that Atkins has fallen out of favor, everyone has started screaming at me about how I'm going to die. I've lost 6 lbs my first week and I'm doing really well. I have tons of energy, am never hungry and I'm actually eating more leafy greens than I normally do left to my own devices. Whatever. Shut up haters. Did I mention I lost 6 lbs? And I've already lost an inch off my waist and another inch off my bicep? That's right. Shut it.

Sarah Connor, here I come!

I also got my concealed carry permit. Don't be scared though, Smith and Wesson is still building my pistol, so I won't be actually a danger to myself or others for quite some time.

Happy Spring Equinox all! I'm going to get some much needed sleep, but first I'm going to pack my fat and protein and phytonutrient rich lunch for tomorrow.

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 19:34:00 +0000

I’ve moved into my pretty house!

As Tom would say, “We, Goose, we…” Yes WE have moved into MY pretty new house. Haha! I don’t think I’ve slept this well since the hey-days on Kwaj.

Not to say that there haven’t been… ahem… adventures. The beautiful bed frame that we were going to use for our guest bedroom will in absolutely NO WAY fit down the stairs to the guest bedroom. Heck, it won’t fit up the stairs to any of the bedrooms, so we’ll have to sell that. It’s gorgeous and we’re going to lose a lot of money on it, but it looks like we’ll just have to suck it up. 

Then I lost my keys. So here’s a weird story. Sunday morning, I drove my car to the house from the apartment and unlocked the front door. I remember using my keys to do both things. Anyway, then I think I put them down on the counter and one of my girlfriends even used the bottle opener on my keys to open a beer. So at some point, I couldn't find them, though I looked for them all day. Monday, I took Tom's car and keys to work and on my way home, went and had some spare keys to the house made and stopped by the apartment to check on the snake and pick up a few more small odds and ends. My keys were sitting on the counter at the apt. What the heck?!?! We have a ghost! No one remembers picking them up at the house – I’ve asked. It's so weird. Anyway, long story short, I have my keys, but I can't for the life of me figure out what happened! A friend suggested fairies playing pranks, and I think she may be on to something. Better leave some cream on the back porch!

Then toward the end of Sunday night, we were making sure I had everything I needed to get ready for work on Monday morning and I realized I had no work shoes unboxed yet. Luckily, Tom knew exactly what box they were in (that clever boy) so we went out to the garage to retrieve the appropriate box and promptly managed to lock ourselves out of the house. Gaaaa! So $60 and about a half hour later, a nice locksmith appropriately enough named Ki (pronounced like key) came and rescued us from ourselves.

Also, we had to have some work done to the plumbing where the clothes washer connects to the house, but that’s not a very interesting story and wasn’t horrifyingly expensive, so I’ll leave the details on that little drama out. You’re welcome.

I’m tired. I can’t imagine how tired Tom is. He’s been going non-stop trying to get us unpacked and utilities and services changed over to the new place. I’d say we’re still less than half way unpacked. One funny thing I’ve noticed is that the objects that a 27 year old packs away for safekeeping is totally different than the things a 37 year old is interested in having in her very grown up house.  It’s like a little time capsule of my own life.

Anyway, even though the bed frame isn’t going to work out, the box spring and mattress are fully functional, so all my beloveds are more than welcome to come on down! I think Billy and Hilary have already booked their stays at Chez Eizele (it looks more fancier with the “z’s” I think) so the rest of you all will just have to filter through around them. Every booking will include fabulous sight-seeing and hiking adventures as well as meals provided by our very own in-house chef: Monsieur Craig. You lucky things you. See you soon!

Dad

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:08:00 +0000

Well the old man caught a cold which turned into pneumonia. He's back in the hospital, but what was a 104 temperature has come down to 99. He spent last night in the hospital ICU, and I haven't gotten word from Mom yet, but he may be getting to go home tonight or tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for him!

And Then There Was More Hiking

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:35:00 +0000

I'm not sure why I believe my friend Keith any more when he says things like, "No, really, we're almost there..."

This weekend, we attempted the Barr hike again. I thought we had made it at least half way to Barr Camp on our last excursion, but it turns out we had only made it about a quarter of the way. So When we reached the sign saying that it was another 3.5 miles to the camp, Tom and I turned around. I'm really glad we did too. I'm so sore again this week. I did, however make it twice as far as I did last time, so maybe a few more tries and I'll make it to the camp.

I can't believe how sore I am though!

For My Most Loyal Followers

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 16:12:00 +0000

A preview of the house we put an offer in on:

Just Because You're Paranoid...

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 18:55:00 +0000

Today when I was chatting with my friend Rob, I mentioned that I might need to take into consideration battery life, durability, and the ability to dynamically map escape routes on trails when the Zombie Apocalypse comes when I go to buy a trail GPS. I don't think the one for my car would be quite as effective. He said, “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.” That led me to invent a new mantra for my training: Just because they DON’T exist doesn’t mean they WON’T!

I also had a terrible vision of these super-fit hikers/mountain runners turned into zombies. Would they be fast like the I Am Legend zombies or would they too shuffle along like the traditional ones? This goal may end up making me nuts if I'm not already.

A More Painful Start

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 18:05:00 +0000

Training for the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse (see below) progresses more quickly than I thought it might, actually. I attempted to begin training for the 5 K run, but had limited success. I don’t really have access to good trails or a track right now and there’s just enough ice on the ground to make it a tricky prospect. I find I’m concentrating too much on not wiping out on the slippery pavement and not at all on my interval timing. Speaking of which, I ordered a watch. Apparently, I will need one in order to time my intervals of running and walking so that I can work myself up to running a full 5 K in 30 minutes.

The Couch to 5 K program I found online is a little more ambitious than I think I could really handle. They’ve got you doing it in about 2 months. So I extended it to about 4 months, but I think I may now wait to begin that portion of my training until I can find a good dry track or path so that I can really focus.

In the mean time, I have found a swimming coach! My friend Cassie apparently taught swimming for many years and swears she can teach the least water-worthy people to do it. Maybe once it starts to warm up again, we’ll hit that one up too. Also I’ve really been doing some pretty intense hiking (for my athletic and skill level anyway). This weekend, we began the pursuit of Pikes Peak. Barr Trail is 6.5 miles to Barr Camp with an elevation gain of 3,800 ft, then another 3 miles to the A-Frame outpost. From there, it’s another 3+ miles to the summit of Pikes Peak. Then you do it all in reverse order back down to the trailhead in Manitou. Our plan is that by this summer, we want to be in good enough shape to make that in two days. We’d like to start off early in the morning to begin the climb, then stay at the A-Frame and take off a few hours before sunrise the next day so we can watch the sun come up over Colorado Springs from the top of the Peak. It should be pretty breath-taking. It would be particularly cool if we did it for the Summer Solstice, though that gives us a second day start of about 3 AM or even earlier! Well worth it for a once in a lifetime experience, I’d say, but we’ll have to see how the training is going before deciding on whether to stay at the Barr Camp or the A Frame, depending on how far we are able to make it in one day of course.

This weekend, I’d estimate we made it 1/3 of the way to Barr Camp. We went with a bunch of friends who quickly split into 2 groups: Those that have muscles and those that don’t. I was in the latter.  The faster group may have made it half way to Barr camp. My intention next weekend is to make it half way to Barr Camp and thereafter, to continue to increase my distance until I can get to the camp and back on the same day.

Yesterday, Tom and I hiked Red Rocks again. It was interesting doing that trail again because I noticed that I was taking breaks a lot less often than the first time, and those breaks were much shorter as well. It’s amazing how resilient the human body is. However, with all that hard work, pretty much everything below my navel is in some pain. It’s a good pain though. You can tell the difference between burned out muscles and actually injuring yourself and I am definitely not injured, just tired. This week, I will need to give my legs a break, so I’ll probably be focusing on the crunches mostly for this week, and maybe a nice long flat walk sometime in the middle of the week.

I recently started reading a book I got a few months ago called The Self-Sufficient Life and How to Live It. I would totally recommend it to anyone that wants to learn how to take any sized plot of land and be a good steward while still wringing the most produce and other food from it as possible. The book assumes you already know something about gardening, which I really don’t, but I figure this first read will get me acquainted with the subject at least. Then I could pick up a very beginner gardening how to book and then just dig back through this one again to really flesh out my knowledge later. The book is filled with beautiful illustrations of all techniques, plants, tools, etc. Of course, this knowledge will mostly come in handy after the zombie scourge has died off, but it can’t hurt to be prepared. Someone is going to need to feed me, and I’d imagine most canned and preserved goods in grocery stores will probably be pillaged or go bad pretty quickly, so eventually, I’ll need to be able to sustainably grow a crop each year and this book is a great start.

So from that list with my 37 initial goals, I have begun 10 of them. That’s pretty good for just being in the first week of the new year! My overall goal is to have some decent proficiency in 75% of those goals, which totals about 28 of them. Heck! I’ve started 1/3 of the tasks I need to finish and it’s only the 4th of January! Those brain-guzzlers don’t stand a chance!

A Good Re-Start

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:10:00 +0000

I added over a thousand words to my book tonight. I'm so happy to be done with school. :)

The Zombie Apocalypse Draws Nigh! A Different Kind of New Years Resolution

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 00:13:00 +0000

So I was reading this blog today. It's all about how to survive the upcoming zombie apocalypse. This appeals to me in ways I can't quite explain. As we all know, zombies will some day break free from some government compound or will be deposited by a malevolent alien intelligence. I share more than a few traits with this blogger. We both are (in her case "were" would be more appropriate) overweight, in fact, she started out at about the same weight I came back from Kuwait. She has problems with losing weight and being rather well endowed in the chestical-region. We also both long to be Sarah Connor in Terminator II.

So here is a list of skills that I have half plagiarized from her site and half come up with on my own... OK, maybe with a little bit of Tom's help. Now, unlike her site, I have not broken things down by basic, intermediate, and elite skills, I will break them down by skill type. I would like to accomplish roughly 75% of the things on this list in 2010. I have included some explanations of how or why I have listed these items The zombie survival skill set so far includes:

Food and water:

Hunter safety course
Shoot pistol and rifle
Hunt with rifle (Mike M. - how do you feel about pronghorn?)
Gut an animal
Butcher said dead critter
Forage (food and medicinal)
Trap
Lock picking
Fishing
Meat curing
Canning
Vegetable gardening
Small farm animal husbandry
Solar still

Shelter

Fire building
Hide tanning
Kayaking/canoeing
Basic outdoor survival techniques
Ham radio operations

Self Defense

Rappelling
Run
Climb
Hot wire a car
Small engine repair
Bicycle repair
Basic explosives/explosives safety
Gun maintenance/cleaning
Knife maintenance
Close quarters battle (CQB)
Defensive driving

Physical Conditioning

Run 5 K in 30 minutes (Marine female minimum PT test)
15 seconds flexed arm hang (More Marine minimums (MM)
44 crunches (MM)
Perform the Army's 12 mile tactical foot march (under 3 hours, carrying 30 lbs)
Learn to swim
Hike Pike's Peak in 48 hours (26 miles each way)
Lose at least 30 lbs (just over a half a pound a week)

There is an informal "law" called the law of 3's. This law states that a human can survive (more or less) for 3 minutes without air, 3 hours without shelter, 3 days without water and 3 weeks without food. I'm not saying these are going to be pleasant hours, days or weeks, but it can be done, and it sets an order of importance. I don't think any of the zombie experts I've been reading have ever suggested that the appearance of zombies will usher in a lack of oxygen in the atmosphere, so I won't worry about that imperative. Beyond that, if caught a human can not survive at all once bitten or eaten by a zombie, so the ability to just get away from the shambling hoards should be the first priority. Again, assuming air is still plentiful. This is where the physical conditioning category comes in.

So moving on, I will need to next provide myself with shelter. Everyone knows that zombies don't do well in cold weather. Common zombie wisdom says they lack the ability to turn food into energy. Here's how various experts have come to this conclusion. First, since people bitten by a zombie also turn into zombies, it is doubtful that zombies bite and eat human flesh because they're hungry. More likely, the zombies chasing down and chewing on your cube-mate is doing so because it is driven by the zombie virus and this is how the infection is spread. This is much the way rabies is spread. Secondly, a zombie is pretty much dead animated flesh, as evidenced by the fact that when you chop their arm off with a machete or chainsaw, they keep shambling onward toward braaaaaaiiiiiiiins.... So if their extremities are dead, it is logical to assume that their digestive systems are also dead. This means that once freezing conditions are met, a zombie should turn into a little undead-cicle. Gross, but that means that I would only really have to learn how to get by in cold conditions and not to do full on battle during the harshest time of the year. Granted, I would still do my part as a good American by decapitating any frozen undead I came across, but other than the energy it would take to hack through frozen flesh, I should be OK.

Anyway, back to the shelter thing. If I can get to or otherwise provide myself with some sort of shelter within three hours, I should keep myself from turning into a Heather-cicle. Moving on to water, I will need to learn to get some. Initially, in populated areas, I should have access to public water, but if, for instance, the utility workers have all joined the ranks of the walking dead, that won't last long. I will need to be able to get where the looters can't and that means being able to get past locked doors. Eventually, even those supplies will run out and I will nature herself to provide for me.

Next, I need to be able to feed myself and anyone else that has been wise enough to follow me. For this reason I need to know the most effective ways to forage in the wild for edible plants and animals. This works nicely with my last big goal: novel writing. I lost one and only one challenge in my 50,000 word count goal, and that was to go hunting with Mike M. I need to track this boy down, so if anyone knows how to reach him, tell him I am ready to repay my debt in full. Of course, Tom and his Michigan friends are no slouches either, so I should have a wide array of teachers in the hunting department. I will also need to become familiar with finding and preparing local flora which I have seen classes for.

Finally, I need to be able to protect myself. This goes along with the shootin' thing, but there are a lot of other things a girl needs to know, like how to successfully clear a building to make sure no half-decayed mall employees are lying in wait before my friends and I hit the Orange Julius.

OK, so finally, the zombies will all die off. There are only so many available cattle-like humans on which to feed and I'm thinking the first good winter should probably take out a lot of the nasty buggers. So at some point, humans like my pals and I should be able to start subsistence farming. At this point, communicating with other survivors and basic farming skills should come in really handy.

So that's it! Anyone have any suggestions of survival or training goals that might be more important or realistic? Does anyone else want in on the zombie apocalypse training for 2010? Of course, if you're afraid of coming off as some zany wing-nut, you could always just tell people that you have committed yourself to doing fitness and survival training as your 2010 New Years resolutions. But what fun would that be?

A final thought:

BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNSSSSSssssssss!

Two Great Loves

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:44:00 +0000

I am just putting this out there because it happens to combine two of my great loves: the PVP webcomic and Cambodian children. One of the characters in the comic is Skull the Troll. He is a sweet, but rather gassy... well, he's a troll. Anyway, the maker of the comic has done well enough that he sells swag on his website related to the comic. One of these things is the Skull plushy, which is a fabulous thing, in and of itself, but someone took one of these plushies around the world and took pictures of Skull in various famous places (not unlike a certain snowman I know) and made a calendar of the best of his pictures. This calendar is now being sold and the proceeds will go to build a school for some children in Cambodia. Nice, hu? So if anyone is at a loss for what to get me (or any other self-respecting nerd on their list) for Christmas, this would be a fabulous gift.

http://www.pvpstuff.com/calendar-skull-ee.html

18 Years In The Making

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 21:53:00 +0000

I awoke well rested, but unwilling to get out of bed. As I lay there after shutting off my alarm, I mentally fast-forwarded through my day. I showered, dressed, did my makeup, made coffee and argued with Tom about the fact that there is a difference between instant and old fashioned oat meal. I had packed some drinks and food for lunch and jotted down a cram sheet the night before. I noticed that large, dry snow flakes were falling outside, and I braced myself for the cold as I locked the door behind me.

I plotted the one and a half hour course to the college campus on my GPS. I never imagined I would get there by the arrival time the device showed. As I drove north on 1-25, I listened to the news, then some top 40 bubble-gum pop, then finally settled down with some classical string quartet music, courtesy of NPR. I had a flash of a memory where my very nerdy friend, Devin called me a hippy for leaving his truck's radio on NPR. Funny. I don't feel much like a hippy. And I very serously doubt that I would be welcome in their ranks if I tried to pass myself off as one.

I drove past Castle Rock without too much incident. The snow had been light and the roads were reasonably dry. As the dry powder curled in tiny tendrils on the asphalt, I was reminded of sand storms in Kuwait. The sand crossing the roads there look like little pissed off snakes all heading in generally the same direction, but with a chaotic method of getting there. The snow was cold and dry and only a few shades whiter than that sand had been.

Coming over a hill, I had that sickening lurch in the stomach when you realize you might die. Cars had been backed up the hill and were not moving much faster than I could have walked. As I stepped on the breaks, I began to slide to the right. I took my foot mostly off the breaks and slowed as much as I could with a light touch to the pedal. I seemed to accelerate, as I slid down the hill toward the slowed traffic. I looked in my mirrors. There was no one beside me, so I angled the Mini to the right. As the car began to start a slow spin, I straightened the wheels and slowed to a stop. No one behind me was in a mood to go much over 10 miles per hour for the next 20 miles.

Other cars began to appear on the side of the road. Crushed in fronts and sides left little to the imagination about what had happened to put them there. Finally, around mid-Denver, the roads dried up and I was at the college parking lot only a half hour after I had intended to arrive.

I paid the attendant and gathered my things. As I walked toward the building I wondered exactly why a college student hall would have a giant steam stack on it. I still haven't figured that one out. I suspect there may be a brewery attached, which would make Metro State about the coolest college I've ever seen.

I stopped outside the testing center and briefly crammed for the first of two finals. It was the easier of the two and I knew I would need more extensive cramming for the second. I walked in and they gave me a deal on the price of the test, since I was taking two of them that day. I took this as a good omen.

The first exam was all about security policy. Since that's my bread and butter at work, I breezed through the exam in less than an hour, leaving two more hours that I could have sat and twiddled my thumbs or contemplated the fact that my belly button to a small extent resembles a black hole. Instead, I handed in the test and went out to the commons area to cram for the second exam.

Half way through the second exam, I looked at the clock. Had it really only been 20 minutes since I started it? A smile of self satisfaction plastered itself on my face. The wrinkle that is threatening to become permanent smoothed out between my eyebrows. I gave the booklet a cursory glance at the 40 minute mark to make sure I hadn't missed anything. I hadn't.

I walked out of the oddly steam-stacked student hall dialing my husband. Tom's pride shone in his voice, though he was reserved. He suggested we go to an Irish pub to celebrate and I readily agreed.

I got in my car and posted my triumph on Facebook. I had a hard time not exulting too much, since I do not yet have a sheepskin in my hot little hands. However, on the two hour drive back to Colorado Springs, my phone kept chirping happily at me with replies to my post. Not only have I been successful in this venture that has taken me 18 years to complete, but I am loved by a good many people who will revel in my successes with me. That makes it all worth it.

All Good Things

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 01:20:00 +0000

Lord, I'm tired. It's only the first week of this new job, but I'll be going to school for another 3 weeks or so. I also am having a hard time kicking this cold too, so I'm just totally run into the ground after only one week.

I feel so silly for whining though. Things really are going pretty well. I think I may love my job a little bit. The people are really nice; just regular people. No drama so far, and only a few little hints that there might be some one day in the distant future. I am, in a technical sense, at the head of the class and I've already made a few "good catches" as far as policy goes for my enclave according to my new boss, so I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

I'm feeling pretty good about this place too. While I'm not totally crazy about Denver, I am pretty crazy about Colorado Springs. It's just lovely. The plains have an austere breadth to them that reminds me of a desert, without the slow painful death. The mountains rise out of the mist in the morning, waiting calmly in their grey-blue contemplation for something incomprehensible. The deer and the antelope play. The moon feels close enough to touch in those moments before sunrise and the bear lumbering through your yard is just a friendly neighbor, as long as a respectful distance and quiet reverence is maintained. Much like my childhood, strangers greet each other and make full eye contact while passing on the street or in a hallway.

So I'm pretty happy that I got the job in Colorado Springs. I would dearly have loved to have worked for Newmont, party because I feel like I owe them my loyalty because of their treatment of my father. I think companies like that are a beacon in dark economic waters. I would have accepted a slightly lesser offer from them for that reason, so maybe it was fate's intervention that exactly the right offer came in from Colorado Springs first. I do so prefer a smaller town.

I spent some evenings last week looking for apartments that would give us a six month lease. I've narrowed it down to about 3 places, so I think we'll be moving down the weekend of the 15th if I can get something finalized. A friend is loaning us his truck, trailers and muscles. I've stayed in two different friend's houses and will be imposing on a third next week. I really don't know how people do this sort of thing without a lot of help, so there, I am blessed again.

The last year or three have been really, really hard. But maybe my luck is changing for the better. Or maybe it was never bad at all and the universe was just taking a round-about way to bring me all the good things that I can sense just around the next corner.

The final thought for the evening is this:

Happy Birthday to my Moms!

Here there be dragons

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 05:50:00 +0000

It has been far too long since I posted, and for that I am sorry, friends. Tonight the wind is so strong it sounds like a deep, unearthly groan outside my window. It's nights like these that one can almost see large serpentine things crossing the moon. Or maybe it's just funky clouds, but hey, here there COULD be dragons. You don't know. Shoots. Don't question me.

The "haps" is that I am nearing midterms of my final semester in my BS program. Oh my goodness, how happy am I going to be? I'm telling you happy dances of Yuk Club proportions will be boogied. Partying of boat shack proportions shall be partied. I shall have the universe in the palm of my far-too-pale hand and I shall devour all that my career has stored up in its tightly plump skin.

Yep. I need to get back to work.

Tom has been great of course. He's been doing the heavy lifting by making sure we have a paycheck so that he can be a kept man some day. It is my most sincere hope that he gets to fulfill that dream, because I need someone to do my dishes and laundry one of these days! :)

Also, I find I take a great deal of my self-worth from my job. I also tend to get most of my social interaction from said occupation, so I'm looking forward to not just speaking with Picric on a daily basis. Not saying she isn't an awesome conversationalist, but if I say the wrong thing, she tends to try to chew my fingers off, so... yeah... that can be unpleasant. Bad kitty.

Anyhoo, Colorado is cool, and we're making great plans for when I graduate, so stay tuned, my darlings. There shall be something of interest going on for certain by Yule-tide at the latest.

And as a final thought:

GO DAD!

The Home Stretch

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 03:18:00 +0000

Today I signed up for my last 4 classes of my Bachelor's degree. I bought $250 worth of books and confirmed with my councilor that my choices will finish my certificate and degree program. It's inexplicable the feeling I have right now. I can finally see the whites of their eyes. I've been going to school for so long, I'm not sure how I'm going to quit, but I sure will be happy to do so! I will be finishing up my last two final exams the week of December 7.

To celebrate, I started looking through the Masters programs at several Colorado colleges. Sheesh. I am one serious glutton for punishment. :)

And the Winner Is...

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 05:47:00 +0000

Heather by a nose! Yay! I'm certifiable... I mean certified. The Sec+ is mine! ALL MINE!!! BWAHAHAHA!

Thank all of you for your kind posts and emails! It really meant a lot to me to see all those emails in my inbox today. You guys are the best!

Just...A...Little...Farther...GASP

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 05:46:00 +0000

So the way my semesters worked out, I have had 4 weeks of overlapping classes. A full load in the European Division is 3 classes. A full load in the US division is 4 classes because they're a bit slower paced. I'm taking 3 European and 2 US classes right now. I think I'm losing what little mind I had to begin with. One of those classes is an exam prep class for the CompTIA Security+ certification. My instructor said that if we manage to pass the Sec+ certification, we will get an automatic 100% on our midterm AND final exams. So that's it. I'm taking the cert test tomorrow.

5 classes and a cert is a lot to do at one time. Seriously, I've never studied this hard my entire life. I wonder what would have happened if I had. So here's the schedule:

Tomorrow: 3 hour drive to Twin Falls (with Mom helping me cram the whole way), take the exam which is several hours long, then drive back again.
Thursday: Take 2 (or 3 if I don't pass the cert) final exams
Friday: Do all the homework I didn't finish because of all this testing
Saturday: Sit on my big butt and maybe play some video games. 'Cause I'll deserve it.

So after that, I'll be a quarter way through 2 classes and will start 1 more next week, bringing me back to a full load of 3 classes. Whew! I never thought plain old full time would seem so sweet!

Heather is a Bone Head

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 21:38:00 +0000

A rapidly shrinking bone head, but a bone head none the less. So I dropped off my Mini because it got a few scratches in the paint during the last wind storm. The rear window that the ladder was thrown through (seriously, you would NOT believe the wind here unless you've been here yourself) my rear window was already replaced. Let me just tell you, USAA is a really pro organization. I was the weakest link in this process, and they were totally cool and patient with me the whole time. Awesome. Anyway, Mom picked me up from the auto body shop (another really awesome organization called Top Gun Collision Center - also very much recommended!) and I didn't grab my phone out of my mom's car.

Mom and Dad are now on a romantic getaway to Lake Tahoe for 5 days, so I am sans phone. I have a backup, but it's only got a couple of minutes on it and I need to keep those for an emergency, so if ya ain't got Skype, I can't talk to ya. *pout*

Other than that, as I mentioned above, I'm a rapidly shrinking bone head. I went back on the Atkins diet. Man, do I get awesome results on that diet. I lost 8 lbs in the first 2 weeks of the program and it doesn't show signs of slowing down. I've officially lost 26 lbs since I left Kuwait and I'm actually starting to see it. I think closer to this Fall, I'll post some before and after pictures for you guys. I can't believe what awful shape I got into over there. Unhappiness, lack of sleep and time to exercise and eating at a military chow hall made me enormous! But I now weigh almost what I did before I went to Kuwait.

My degree will be done in November, I'll be a sleek, sexy momma, and Tom and I will be ready for the big move. I feel like I'm cramming for a test, only the end game for me is starting the new phase of my life. I feel like even though this part of the building process isn't all that sexy or thrilling, it's like having to make sure you have a good, solid foundation on which to build the walls and roof, and that's when it gets really exciting. But you can't get there without that foundation and my foundation is looking rock solid. :)

Honorary Michigander

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Tue, 26 May 2009 07:48:00 +0000

Tom and I recently went to Michigan, where he is from. Every year, we take a turn deciding where to go on vacation, and this was his year. I got to meet his oldest and dearest friends and their (far too cool for them) wives. :) We had a great time remeniscing over what goof balls they all were and how they should have all been killed a thousand times. We went searching for elk and other wildlife as well as wild mushrooms. We visited many of the places Tom remembers from his childhood. I got to meet family members I've never even spoken to before. It was both insightful and delightful.

Mom and Dad Eisele, thanks for being such great hosts! You made all of those fun activities even better. Josh and Ellie, it was great to get some good quality time with you and to finally meet my niece! Other Eisele family members, it was wonderful finally getting to meet all of you and I only wish we'd had more time to spend together. Range rats and family, you guys are insane and I loved every last one of you in all your kooky glory... though we may need to have a few more talks about Kirby... haha! I want you all to hang up your Red Dawn obsessions and replace it with the latest Terminator movie... seriously. It's awesome. When I watched it today, I just kept thinking, "I bet the Range Rats would love this movie..."

Michigan, for those of you who have never been, is an odd place. If I had an extra $50K lying around, I'd run out and buy about 20 acres in the middle of nowhere just to have a piece of it. The natural beauty of the landscape is breathtaking. We went to a lake one of our first days there and saw a pair of loons that were just beautiful. But the lake itself, the spring-perfumed air, the quiet splendor of the woodlands... It was truly magical. We hunted for wild mushrooms another day and I just found myself stopping and staring at the birch and oak around me as they swayed and chattered among themselves in response to the strong wind. Trilliums overturned patches leaves that had covered the forest floor last year and tiny ferns poked their round heads up through everything else, making odd lumps in the matted carpet. Birds sang or squawked or chittered everywhere and anywhere you looked, there were signs of deer, elk and other wildlife. I just stood some times during the "hunt" listening and smelling and seeing all the beauty around me. It felt a little like going home, though I'd never been there before.

The people there are genuinely interested. That's the best way to describe them. We hit a mall to pick up some baby presents for our friends' (Aaron and Laura) son's first birthday. We couldn't stop at a counter or to look at a rack without someone finding out our whole lives' stories. And they were really genuinely interested! Not only is eye contact encouraged, but random, genuine conversations spring up if you sit still for two seconds. All the people I met were warm and generous and everyone seemed to take life with a little more humor than other places I have been.

Unfortunately for these wonderful people, their state economy sucks more than most. It's really the one down side to Michigan (that and their hard winters I'm told), but the people there seem to take it all in stride with a quiet certainty of their own abilities to overcome even the hardest economic realities.

I already miss the place and the people and hope to come back some day very soon.

An Homage

noreply@blogger.com (eronious) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 19:33:00 +0000

An homage to the best years of our lives:

We miss you, other family!