E’s Truth...or Not

Where does it all go?

2012-01-14T12:14:00.000-08:00

Time, energy, money and life? 2012 wtf?

Last few months have been challenging on many fronts. I am ready for a few less challenges. Finally actually feeling better physically and perhaps giving bit more room for those mental challenges.

What lays ahead no one actually knows, but here is hoping for a bit more stability and less chaos.

And yet I prepare for more of the same.

Peace, Health and Happiness.

2011-12-12T19:29:00.001-08:00

Wish I felt better.

Where Does it All Go?

2011-12-09T19:00:00.000-08:00

To Do:

Get the tree up
Wrap
Figure out what is left to purchase
Put up few decorations
Make Dessert for the monthly group
and the list continues on....

And I am still not 100% yet. Energy just seems to fade away by nighttime. Sadly a bit dizzy these days as well. Another issues for the list...more conversations also need to be had with doctors and administrators.

Urgent Care

2011-11-23T10:21:00.000-08:00

The name is misleading.

I have Menieres, I have had it for a very long time. I take different drugs to deal with it and they are somewhat affective. Yeah, I still get episodes but not nearly as often prior to taking the drugs. As the episodes for me can now take weeks, months to actually come back in line it is important to limit them and dump them as soon as they occur. People try and understand dizziness, believe unless you have been there, you don't know.

So in the summer I had a larger set of episodes and struggled to get them under control. My ENT doc prescribed upping my one drug to deplete water from my head. Sounds easy. But one must remember we are a sum of our parts and depleting water is not all that is depleted...potassium. So for the last 4 weeks I finally have not been dizzy and that is splendid. However during that time I have felt terrible. And that understates it.

After few more emails to my doctor in question I get an answer form another as he is on vacation. They are flipped out as this is wrong, I should not be on that dosage and feeling that way without serious oversight. Hence GO TO URGENT CARE TONIGHT.

That was at 4pm yesterday after I went gave blood at the local clinic, they tested it and it showed Critical on my potassium level.

Checked in to the urgent care leaving kids at home...430pm. Love those nifty gowns. Got more blood drawn, iv inserted and all those nifty eeg and ekg stickers all over. Heart protection here we are.

Hours pass, Tamara finally goes back home as kids need to eat and prepare for night and the next day (as does Tamara). They continue to pump through my iv potassium into me. They also double dosing it feed me a liquid version. eew. They call it urgent and one can wonder why as NOTHING is done fast. Hours continue to go by results same as when I arrived. More blood, more potassium. Sure enough at around 130 am, 9 hours later they decide there dosages had not affect. I need to go home and take these supplements for 30 days. (and drop my other meds)

Well hello, great take this shit and not my other stuff that keeps my Menieres in line, what the hell are we going to do when I get another episode and believe me without drugs I will. Urgent my ass. I spend 9 hours on an uncomfortable table/bed in some fancy gown thing that did not tie (easy access to all those stupid patches)

And in the end I go home with $150 urgent care co-payment, tired, irritated, stabbed 7 different times for draws and sticker-ed. I am grumpy today. Got home around 230am and I made them pay for a cab to take me home.

Let's hope the rest of the week can go better.

11.11.11

2011-11-11T20:15:00.000-08:00

Reality. Sometimes it hits me. Today reality let me know that movies (in theater) will soon join numerous other items on the list no more. That sucks. Degenerative is something I forget about until I can't, today I got reminded.

Reality is here, so one more piece of disappointment arrives.

Tomorrow brings a new day, what's next?

Peace, Health and Happiness.

Autumn

2011-10-26T12:08:00.000-07:00

The colors and crisp cold mornings tell me fall has fully arrived. I enjoy this season. Life may be what we make of it and yet it also happens when we are not looking. I hope not to waste any of it in a dark room and sadly it feels like I am headed there.

New Direction

2011-10-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

The future is as unknown as it always was. What one needs and what one has are two different variables.

Summer Ends

2011-09-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

Kids heading back to school. The boys are not excited, the girl is. Routine will take a while to get moving along but soon enough I am sure. We had a really nice little heat break last few days and it was just enough for me as the weather returns to my beautiful city overcast morning with sunshine late afternoon and end as the sun sets.

I kind of have missed my ocean trips lately and thinking about how I could possibly squeeze in some, but alas I think not. There is always next year to get it together.

Reflections are all about. Hoping to make a visit to Eastsound up in the San Juan Islands and shock the hell out of an old friend. I am hoping to drag along my little shutter bug who will dig the beauty and ferry ride.

I wonder about so many I have left behind, not sure I could change outcomes, but I would like the opportunity to see a few and perhaps time for me to invest and engage in that endeavor.

Feeling fairly healthy and should take advantage of that and yet be careful as one would like to stay with this feeling. Time with T would be nice, but as the kids return to school so does she, hence no time off for her for a while.

The Ocean calls and I wonder weather I can reach out to it...

Peace (shit I wish), Health and Happiness (both are more doable).

Sunday Blah

2011-08-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

A day filled with nothing and a few chores. I once again avoided exercise and was a really good slug. Should be feeling good as the kiddo returns tomorrow and yet not...that sucks.

Physically feeling a bit better but we will see how the week treats me. Upon stress I am noticing dizziness and that is not really acceptable as some is unavoidable.

Hopefully time will change that outcome.

The night is upon us and it seems the house is getting revved up and yet I need to bring it down as the morning will come awfully early.

So I will slip away to our room and start yet another book.

Peace, Health and Happiness...

Bah...

2011-08-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

I hate it when I feel shitty and worse is when it happens to fall on the few precious days I get my daughter. Today first day of actually starting to feel like me (and yet still very tired) and of course the day we had to drop her off at the ex's. That sucks.

Here is hoping next week upon her return is even better.

Moving Right Along

2011-08-09T10:33:00.001-07:00

Or are we?

We get up go to work (week days), come home play on FB, go to bed. Sleep. Get up and do it all over again.

Where is my change? Where is the knowledge of life? Where is the Truth?

Perhaps we are taking a break. While others flow around us and force us to re-align what changes we truly need.

1. House. Yep still need a bigger one (or at least I do)

I truly hate our stuff in storage. I want all my stuff back and sadly that is not going to most likely happen for at LEAST two year. (fall 2013)

Having our stuff back is truly not the only big issues...space...living space that is. I require more and some that is sacred (escape and private) and sadly we have officially given it all up. Our bedroom is now the second tv and I hate that, but choices were limited.

2. Perspective.

Are we a family? I always thinks so. Like any family we are a bit different and lean in odd ways. Others seem to not respect us as one in general and that sucks. Oddly enough our friends of distance and space do accept this, however those that roam and float around our internal life stretch seem to not bother and treat us like parts and not a whole.

3. Sharing the Weight ...

Letting it go not my best trait.

Lots to do and how to accomplish it I have no clue. Sit and think more...wish I had a corner to hide in.

Time for me to consider me first. Exercise and maybe even get back to reading and writing. Who knows, maybe I can return here soon.

Peace and Health (that's enough for right now).

Summer Day

2011-07-02T18:20:00.000-07:00

Missing my girlfriend...

2011-03-28T06:14:00.001-07:00

May today be better than yesterday...and yet I am not hopeful.

Vacations

2011-01-24T16:31:00.000-08:00

Not something I generally take a lot of, however I guess 2011 will be an exception year.

In 4 weeks we go for a week with the kids to the Oregon coast, should be fun.

March I am going to have to work the whole month.

But then in April I have one week off with the kiddo and her spring break, thinking I may take her to Port Townsend for a night as a change of pace. The following week I am off with T and we are hoping to pop over to the coast as well for a few days of kid free rest and relaxation.

May holds yet another week of vacation as I meet up with S for her 30th birthday event in Las Vegas. And then in July I will spend a few days with Ellen, T and all the kids as our usual summer events.

Hence a full year of vacations and I think I like it.

So here is hoping Peace, Health and Happiness affects y'all.

Frustrating Day

2011-01-10T16:58:00.001-08:00

Somehow as I went through the day it fell apart. Things I kept trying to accomplished with no success. Oh well my day was most likely better than many on our planet right now. I got to get in my car and head home to my partner kids and lay back the rest of the evening.

Over all who am I to complain.

Peace, Health and Happiness.

Wonder what is next

2010-12-28T04:41:00.001-08:00

One can only see what is visible, however one can wonder what is not?

2010 had ups and downs as life brings the random set, but overall a year goes by where I was able to be where I wanted. Sure I would prefer a bigger house, more pay, but in the end I am lucky. I live with my love, her kids and my daughter. I have a job that pays our bills. I am surrounded by things we chose and we continue to prosper, what more can be asked? Sure there is always more to ask for, but perhaps one should say what more is needed?

We are not doing to badly and in comparison to so many we are set.

So for 2011, let there be Peace, Health and Happiness.

2010-12-13T06:04:00.001-08:00

Looking for a better day.

Bah...horrible memory stuck in my head.

2010-12-12T19:33:00.000-08:00

Over and over and over...feeling like shit.

Our Christmas Kitty...

2010-12-07T07:27:00.000-08:00

Good Morning from Tamara...isn't she cute.

2010-12-05T15:06:00.000-08:00

Early

2010-02-16T03:58:00.000-08:00

I sit in a dark hotel room. Boys and Okie are sleeping, Em is awake, wish she weren't. She does have Max with her so that is nice. I laid there long enough, realizing sleep is done for this night. Hence early, before 4, gonna be a long day.

Our room is set up nicely for us. It may not be in the greatest condition or up to date, but it fits our needs well. I am hoping for a decent day. As this is most likely my vacation for the year, I am hoping to enjoy it all.

I will get plenty of time of FB this morning so that is good.

Here is hoping for Peace, Health and Happiness to all.

A day of beauty awaits...

2010-02-04T07:35:00.001-08:00

I thought it was just another Thursday, one in which I needed to get through to have Friday up next. But alas, driving to work with the sunrise next to me allowed me to see my foolish ways.

I stopped at this nifty little park which is really a strip of grass over looking Lake Washington and the Cascades in the background.

The sun was just rising with colors of red and orange blasting through the few clouds that remained. Giving us one more insight to what a tiny spec we actually are on this planet and yet our spec can affect the whole damn thing.

Here is hoping beauty washes over it all.

Peace, Health and Happiness.

Hope

2009-12-30T19:48:00.000-08:00

2009 was a year we felt Hope. Not just for our country but for the world in general.

Unfortunately a lot less was accomplished both nationally and internationally. We (USA) are still in a war that I do not believe in or think is actually winnable. Bring home our troops please! Sadly we (the government) does not agree with me.

We do have a new leader that I believe still gives us some Hope for our planets future. But to say we are moving quickly would be sad. But then again when compared to our last leader, we are at least moving in the right direction!

On a more local level 2009 was a year full of change with 2010 bringing us more. We will Hope the economy can continue moving up for the millions and us in need.

So I can say I am not sorry to see 2009 come to a close, but I do look forward to "Change" in 2010. We as a society and a planet have tons of room to improve, lets Hope that we see some of it in the coming year.

I wish Peace, Health and Happiness to All tonight, tomorrow and the coming year!

Be Proud...

2009-12-19T16:05:00.000-08:00

Another crap bill passed by the majority...so much for change. Congratulations on NOTHING. Sure glad to see democrats in charge...oh wait they still can't do jack shit because we need to compromise...

Who's bullshit idea is that?

Thanks

2009-11-26T06:36:00.000-08:00

In our country this is the day we are to sit back and give thanks. I am up (my usual time, so not early for me) around 5 AM getting the 25-pound turkey stuffed and ready to go into the oven. Say goodbye Tom! But now I sit and contemplate the rest of the day.

Now the second part of the day will be slow, that is splendid. We will take our time trying to figure out were everyone will sit. We will set up a second table in hopes to capture everyone at the event of eating.

An event it is. Full on turkey, corn bread stuffing, potatoes, various veggies, green Jell-O salad, cranberry stuff, rolls, and gravy. That is dinner then we have the overload of pie with whip cream. So an event it is.

But in reality what is this day? A day to remember what? Time and history play throughout. At first look is it that wonderful pilgrimage to our new country? The one we settled and then relocated a weaker native. Something to be said there huh.

Man has a way of making history sound smooth, but if one truly studies it I am thinking innocence lost would be more profoundly visible. Tamara and Ze are the history buffs, I tried to avoid whenever possible. I find history sad. Death seems to be the main even with many innocent found among that list.

Okay, back on track.

Thanks. On that list would definitely have to be the kiddo and the boys. These kids show us hope. Something we all can use. Next up, as I sit here feeling fairly decent showing health is far up on that list of something to be thankful for. Easily on that list would be the partner in all crimes. Tamara plays the part so well.

We are lucky to be squeezed into a house to small for us all and yet, one must be happy for that as so many have so much less. We will sit down and enjoy a large meal with family and friends, definitely more thanks there.

Further outside our box we are lucky to have more friends and family viewing the fuller perspective and seeking nothing but the best for all.

As one truly views through a window there is thanks to be given for so much and here is hoping that each and every one of us can take a step to the window once in a while.

May Peace, Health and Happiness find us all. Truth will follow.