So, in case you haven’t read my many posts on this subject recently, I will get you up to date.  My beloved, best friend, Mozart the pug has a tumor in his mouth we refer to as Ted.  The diagnosis from multiple vets now is dire at best, completely grim at the worst.
We keep getting Ted removed.  Ted keeps growing back, because this form of canine cancer is “aggressive”.  

When it comes to law of attraction work, the trick is not to put your attention on the unwanted – and redirect your attention to the better desired circumstance.  Easier said than done, when I can visibly see Ted, the tumor.   

All of that said, an equally compelling reality is that Mozart seems quite healthy otherwise.  He’s actually more feisty and energetic then he’s ever been.  Illustrating that a few days ago Mozart actually chased a cat on a playground.  Anyone who knows Mozart know he’s never had that kind of vigor.  He’s never been very interested in getting active over anything.  These days he seems to really enjoy his daily walk.  His coat is shiny  He’s eating like he’s training for an iron man competition and seems to be in remarkably good spirits for a geriatric pug diagnosed with a deadly condition.

It took me some time.  However, finally I worked my way around to seeing it Mozart’s way.  He doesn’t seem to think he’s sick.  Why should I?  I’ve even taken to arguing with well intentioned people, (including the on-call team of vets), who want to gently move me back to “reality” when they inform me Mozart still has cancer.  Whatever.
My version of reality where Mozart just has some sort of dental problem makes me feel much better.  Both Mozart and I are happier blissfully tucked away in our corner of the universe where the reality is Mozart is healthier then ever.

Here’s the real deal with this approach though.  For many people who work with law of attraction, we sort of think we are bargaining with the Universe when we change our attitude.  Look over here!  I’m happy now!  I’ve got my attention on something different.  Look at me!  I’m thinking about a healthy pug!   We hope that by doing this little energetic slight of hand we are going to get something we want.  This is not unlike traditional Christians who hope they can get into heaven by doing really good works.  The bible says that’s a no go.   In law of attraction work, it’s a safe bet to say the Universe is on to that also.  

Do I believe Mozart and I can kick this cancer thing by living in an alternate reality?  Maybe so – but that’s not the point.  The point is that alternate reality makes me much happier and that’s my work – to get happy – at any cost.  By choosing thoughts that make me feel happier my whole life works better.  I get along better with my family.  My business continues to grow.  I feel more healthy and look better.  Most of all I get to enjoy Mozart’s newly established second puppy-hood.

Bottom line, the work, if you choose to call it that is always the same.  Get happy.  Period.

Now, I am all for independence and free thinking.  I am always one to march to the beat of your own personal drummer.  However, if your friends and family don’t like your beloved, that is quite likely a serious red flag.  I know in my own personal life, I dated more then one guy who was not well liked by my loved ones.  Heck, I married one.   The reasons were varied, ranging from he’s just plain lazy to outright dangerous, but the over-riding theme was always the same.  This guy isn’t good for you and you can do better.

In the face of that, the easy answer always is, “But you don’t know him like I do.”  You are probably right on there.  They probably don’t know him like you do.  That said, they do know you.  Chances are if you are hearing voices of concern from your friends and family that they don’t like your significant other, what they are really seeing are changes in you they don’t like.

Back in the day I blatantly ignored the concerns of my friends and family as I went through a stream of failed relationships with men that ranged from plain old lazy to downright dangerous.  I didn’t even bother to justify my reasoning.  I simply ignored the concerns of the people in my life who had to be there for me time and time again to help me pick up the pieces.  As I listened to their protests, most of the time in the pit of my heart, I was cringing.  Not because I didn’t like what they had to say, but because I knew it was true.

I remember sitting around a late night fire with one of my most beloved friends the night before she got married.  She told me she was sick and tired of people telling her not to go through with it.  She felt like she was grown up enough to know what was best.  More then one of her closest friends didn’t attend in protest.  The beautiful thing about those  friends is that they were there for her during the painful separation and divorce.  She remembers that night too, and we have laughed about it several times since.  At the time she was going through it though, it was anything but funny.

I am not saying if your parents don’t like him, dump him.  I am not saying if your best friend has issues that you should end it on the spot.  I am saying that if your parents, your best friend, your sister, and your closest co-workers are saying there is an issue, there probably is an issue. When the consensus isn’t good, you might want to start asking questions and taking a look in the mirror.  The people who love you most, and know you best, shouldn’t get a vote, but they certainly should get a good hearing.

The good news is it works both ways.  When I met my husband, he was unanimously popular among my loved ones.  He still is.  David is good for me.  It was easy to see how happy we were together.  It was a relief to those around me to see me happy.  At the end of the day, that’s what those who love you want – just to see you happy.

As Candice was explaining the situation she took some comfort in the fact that she wasn’t alone. It seemed like almost all of her friends were having issues in their relationships also. She paused for a moment to assess that situation. “Yeah, pretty much everyone except for Paula and Marc, and we hardly see them anymore anyway.”

Hum…

My grandmother used to say, “Cows hang out with cows.” At age nine that adage didn’t make a lot of sense to me. However, through the years, I’ve grown to understand that everyone hangs out with people who are similar. If you aren’t similar to your peers in the beginning, chances are you will become more and more alike as time goes on. Marriage satisfaction is no exception — and most importantly, it’s contagious.

Happy couples spend time with other happy couples. It’s not a lot of fun to be in a conversation with six angry women when you’re the only one still madly in love with your husband. Conversely, if you are agitated with your Honey, and at lunch with four other women talking about how much they are enjoying their men, sure at first it will be irritating as hell. However, after not very long, chances are very high that happy, flirty, vibe will take hold.

So, it’s worth some examination. If you are having some bumps in the road to marital bliss, how are your friends doing in their relationships? Are they happy, pissed, on the verge of ruin? I’m guessing where ever you are, you aren’t alone. Can you save your relationship by surrounding yourself with happily coupled friends? Who knows. However, I am quite sure you could improve your relationships by surrounding yourself with others who are in gratitude for the love in their lives.

Happy cows hang out with happy cows.

Most women have absolutely no idea how valuable or powerful they really are.  There is a corrosive epidemic of low self esteem in our culture that is setting a tone for relationships that range from lack luster to down right dangerous.   We have a tendency to want to explain it.  It was our childhood.  It was our college boyfriend.  It is our weight or social status.  That said, explanations don’t save us.  Those stories, old and outdated keep us tied to broken self identities that fail us over and over again.

When it comes to romantic relationships there is one simple truth.  We get exactly what we are willing to settle for.  Whatever you have going on in your relationship, or not going on for that matter, is something you are settling for.  Women set the bar in their romantic relationships.  They have all the power, until they start to give it up.  If you think you can’t do any better, you are absolutely right.  If you think you deserve to be treated like a Goddess, you are also absolutely right – and you will be. 

If you get face to face with any real man and ask him what he thinks sexy is, he will say a confident woman is always sexy.  Every sex symbol through the years has exuded some form of magical confidence.  A woman without confidence is lacking, empty, and wrinkled up inside.  She is longing for any attention and will take it where she can get it from anyone, healthy or unhealthy, real or fake.  This is a recipe for disaster.  Unfortunately for most women, they never find their power, and the absence of that power leaves a legacy of failed relationships and pain that spans years or decades.  Just by being born female, you were gifted with a magic that makes the world go round.  Failing to own that simple truth, creates women who lack confidence, and settle for relationships that are far beneath them.

People will come to me and say I need to find my soul-mate or we need to fix our marriage, as if someone else is involved.  No one else is ever involved.  The relationship of your dreams is an inside job.  It’s inside you, and no one else.   At first glance that reality might seem overwhelming.  At second glance, it’s the keys to the gate that sets you free for the rest of your life.  When you are willing to recognize that no one other person is more important then your own happiness, you are home free.  At that point you can have any relationship you chose to create.  Until then, it’s any one’s guess.    

For women who don’t know the power of their own worth, their experiences with men have often been less then wonderful.  Women who lack confidence attract men who treat women as less then sacred.  Women who do not love themselves deeply end of in relationships where the pursuit of love is dangerous.  For those women who have not tapped in to their real value, men have been an unpleasant experience.  That said, it wasn’t the fault of the men.  It was the fault of the woman who didn’t demand to be respected and cherished.   A real man, who is attracted to a real woman in her full glory is an amazing creature in his own right.  Those men literally live to nurture, protect, and support their beautiful magical women.  They are powerful strong beings who love to see their women happy and will move heaven and earth to insure that happiness.  

Ladies, here is some really good news.  There are still lots of those men out there, waiting for us to blossom into our most powerful selves.  A happy woman is a very pleasant to be around and men love to bask in that beautiful glow.  A confident, powerful, blissed out woman is like a drug for a well balanced man.   They crave it, they pursue it, and they will do just about anything to keep it.  

It’s time for a new story.  It’s time for a revolution!   It’s time to step into our power and glory as women and begin to tap in to that magic and mystery that is inside all of us.  In that magic and mystery is the power to create the relationship of our dreams, and the life of our choosing.  It’s time to leave a legacy for our daughters that shows them that women’s liberation is really about claiming our absolute feminine power.  It’s time to take back all the control, and take care of the business of taking care of ourselves.  

Relationships are an inside job.  You get to decide once and for all.  What will you settle for?

The first week in July my beloved best friend Mozart the Pug got an oral tumor.  After a surgery, biopsy, a lot of upset and trauma, we got the not so good news that this thing in his mouth, we occasionally refer to as Ted, is a malignant melanoma.  The report was this is supposedly the worst imaginable kind of cancer.   After having the tumor removed – it’s grown back.  My current daily schedule involves a whole lot of dosing my poor puppy with endless doses of alternative medicine remedies and supplements on a fairly strict schedule.   We are currently scheduled for another surgery in a couple of days.

My oldest son moved to Portland this Summer.  It’s only two hours away, but I miss him terribly.  He was home yesterday and needed to go pick up his car which had broken down.  He asked me to take the hour drive with him.  As much as I miss him and want to spend time with him, I told him I couldn’t.   I didn’t want to leave Mozart.  I mean, there’s medicine to be given, and schedules to follow, and I need to be staring at him constantly because my staring at him is surely keeping him alive…

Really?

I ask myself all the time, how the hell did I attract this?  What  was I “vibing” that brought on malignant melanoma???   What did I do to deserve this?  Nothing!!!  Surely I’ve always had a very clear vision that Mozart will live until I’m 50.  We had an agreement in my head that I imagined he signed on to.  I’m far from 50.  What gives? THE UNIVERSE IS BROKEN!!!

Well, probably not.  Ok – certainly not.

So, what is a girl, (or a guy) do when it feels like the Universe is broken???  Simple.
Have fun anyway.  So, as I gave myself that little pep talk today about having fun anyway, I must admit, I can’t really think of anything that sounds like fun.  I mean, I have to stare at Mozart.  I have even enlisted my dear friend Jeanette to stare at him with me.  If I was out having fun she’ be staring at him alone.  That actually happened one night and he had a seizure while she was on staring duty alone and I was at dinner. Can’t have that happen again!

Or maybe I could lighten up just a bit, take a deep breath.  Maybe I could have a couple of drinks while I stare at Mozart.  Maybe I could also put on some Bob Marley to stare at him with.  Maybe I could do fun things, even if it sucks.  Maybe I could pretend to be having fun until relief sets in.

Alrighty.  Mozart has surgery on Friday.  Party at my house all day long!

Bottom line, when everything is out of whack, have fun anyway.  The Universe always conspires on my behalf, always, every single time.  While it’s doing it’s work, may as well get my party groove on, (or bubble bath groove).  I have a feeling Mozart will be relieved if I was distracted with something fabulously fun long enough to forget some of his medicine and stop staring at him.  Universe might be happy to see me get out of the way too.

“We need to deal with it.”
He’s depressed and we really need to deal with it.
He’s drinking too much and we need to get help.
She has real anger issues and we need to get counseling.

I don’t think so.  When you are in relationship and the other partner is having some sort of a serious issue, what sucks is both partners are suffering from that serious issue.   Both partners feel the effects of the depression.  Both partners have to deal with the results of the drinking.  Both partners are trying to manage the anger.  To say that “we have a problem” is 100% right on the mark.  However, to say that “we need to deal with it”, well, not so much, at least not in the way you probably think.

The only person you can get help for, is you.  The only person you can be responsible for, is you.  The person who might just need an intervention, is you.

Coming to terms with the fact that you are singularly and solely responsible for yourself is like looking into the abyss of the unknown reality – for a minute.  Then, the lucky ones, begin to realize not only are they responsible, but they have control.  They singularly possess the ultimate control to change, shape, and predict their own fate and future.

When it comes to relationships where one partner needs help and refuses to get it, sometimes that means, being the brave one, the only one, to seek and get help.  Sometimes it even means asking the hard questions about the future of the relationship.  Do you want to be with a partner that is stuck in their own stuff?  Do you want to be free and healthy alone?   Maybe not.  There really are no right or wrong answers, but they are your answers to find.

I personally have made the choice to stay in unhealthy relationships, becoming a victim of my own choices.  Thank the God and Goddess, I have also decided to turn my back on people I professed to love to save myself from their unhealthiness.  Easy, no.  Worth it, indeed.

So, if you have heard the words coming out of your own mouth, “we need to get help”, do yourself a favor and do just that.  Get help, for yourself, by yourself, if necessary.  
You are the master of your own fate.  You get to decide how much, how long, and how badly you want to suffer.  It’s always a choice.

I hear it all the time.  Dating sucks.  I must admit, at some point in my life, I was probably guilty of sharing that sentiment.  That said, we all instinctively know, that attitude creates a self fulfilling legacy.  I always tell people if you are going to date, you have to be willing to date simply for the thrill and joy of dating.  You’ve got to be in a serious place of appreciation and honest excitement about the prospect of meeting and dating new people, with no agenda.  That specifically means, no agenda of finding and marrying “the one”.  That agenda has a way of spinning all manner not-so-soul-mate attracting vibes.

That said, one strategy I highly recommend during the dating process for bringing in “the one” is a master list of positive qualities.  This means every guy or gal you go out on a date with that isn’t the one, the goal is to figure out what all of their positive qualities are that you really appreciated.  Basically you milk them for every positive quality that you can get from them and  then if they aren’t the one and you move on, you move on happily, inspired by their best.  Your goal with dating isn’t to qualify them for the job of your significant other.  Your goal with dating is to observe and document everything super cool or even just plain pleasant thing they have going on.  

By doing this, some really cool things happen.

• Because you are focused squarely on the best in others, you get more of that.  People tend to show you exactly what you are looking for.
• You also tend to attract in others what you are focusing on.  So, if you are focused on all the best qualities in the person you just dated, you are much more likely to attract other people into your life with those great qualities and other really cool qualities that are similar.
• You start creating a notebook of “best qualities” that starts to paint a very clear picture of your ideal future mate.

Maybe the only good quality about the last guy you dated was his hair or his car.  But hey, great hair and a hot car are nice things.  Put them on the list and move on.  Use all your dates, great, good, or disastrous as a muse for building a better mate.  And, don’t forget to document, document, document.  There is something very powerful about the written list of good qualities in black and white, or pink gel pen on parchment.   This could be the most important list you ever make.

In the end, for all those you date, who aren’t “the one”, you leave them with a smile.  You leave them on whatever level, in some way great or small, feeling appreciated and honored, because that was your goal when you sat down for that first cup of coffee.
In the very end, when you actually meet Mr. and Ms. Right, you will recognize him or her without question.  How?  You will have a notebook perfectly describing all their best and most fabulous qualities.

This is my second marriage.  I refer to my first husband as the practice husband.  During my first marriage, I thought I was a pretty good wife.  I would have given myself a solid B+.  I am quite certain my ex-husband wouldn’t be that generous with the grading scale…  

To be honest, when I was married the first time, I am somewhat ashamed to say, I never thought about it.  I never ever thought about being a good wife, or if I could be a better one.  I was pretty much on auto pilot.  I don’t know if it was immaturity or I just didn’t care.  I do know I thought I was doing the best I could, or good enough and left it at that.

Fast forward a few years, and to a seriously upgraded marriage.  I think about it a lot now.  I want to be the best wife I can be.  It’s not about trying to do more or be more out of obligation.  It’s much different then that.  David consistently inspires me to be better.  I just want him to be proud of me.  I want to do more for him and with him.  I want to participate in his life in anyway fun or helpful.  David makes me want to be better.  Not just a better person, but a better wife.  

My grandmother use to say the definition of a good relationship is when two people make each other better people.  Using my first marriage as a test of that theory, I would say it’s true.  Although my ex was and still is, one of God’s precious children, he certainly didn’t make me want to be a better person.  In fact, over the course of that marriage, I didn’t improve.  To be honest, I probably actually degraded.  I also think it’s fair to say, I didn’t bring out the best in him either.  It was quite obvious to us and everyone else, it was not a good relationship.   Lucky for both of us we had the good sense to divorce.   

People always ask me how I knew David was the one.  I knew from the get go.  He instantly brought out the best in me.  Sure, in the beginning I may have stretched a little to impress him.  However, the need to impress very soon gave way to the earnest desire to be better.  He provides me a safe place to grow and in that safe place, I have grown more in the last three years, then in the previous two decades.  I have a lot more energy to grow with because I’m not stuck in survival.  Simply put, he inspires me and I aspire to be the best wife I can be, because he deserves to best wife he can have.  I want to be that woman. 

So, if you are trying to figure out the state of your union, I suggest you put it to the Grandma test.   Does being with this person inspire you to be a better person?  If so, you’re probably right where you should be.  If not, it might be time to either readjust or reconsider.  I will say this, it feels good to want to grow.  It feels really good to be inspired to be my best.

Ask anyone who knows me.  My husband is not the first person I met on an online dating site.  Obviously, the other’s weren’t exactly keepers.  Some were straight out of horror thriller movies.  Some were “diamonds in the rough”.  Some were really nice guys, that just weren’t a really nice fit.  Sure some magical very aligned people can meet the love of their lives out of the clear blue, online, without having to do a darn thing.  I was my husband’s first “match”.  He is a manifesting rock star.  For that we are both thankful!

However, for most people, for online dating to work, you have to work it.  Not in the drudgery, punching a clock, man this sucks, kind of way.   Huna philosophy says, energy flows where attention goes.  That’s the deal.  If you want to be successful with online dating or anything else, you gotta flow it some energy, give it some love.  You have to be willing to play the game.  You have to put on the attitude that you love dating, and this is going to be the coolest thing ever.  And yes, you might actually have to take a little action beyond posting your profile and waiting for your knight on a white horse to show up.

I used to make an event of “man shopping”.  I loved having password protected access to the catalog of all the eligible men in my area.  Man shopping is way better then shoe shopping, or even perfume shopping, which is my favorite.  More evenings then I care to count were spent with fun friends and a couple bottles of wine, indulging in the joy of man shopping.   No drudgery there.  Just fun, excitement, and a good dose of levity.

Here’s a little tid bit about me meeting David.  I winked at him first.  Yes, I took inspired action.  Thank the heavens above!  I didn’t meet his match criteria, so I wouldn’t have even come up on his list.  It was squarely on me to do it and I did.  Yes, I sent out maybe hundreds of winks over the months.  However, that one landed right where it belonged and the rest is happy history.

So, online dating works, if you are willing to work with it.  I am using the word, work, very lightly.  Light is probably the key concept.  Seriously, lighten up.  Have fun.  Do the deal.  You absolutely have to be willing to date for the sheer fun and thrill of it.

Are are a catch.  You are beautiful.  Gosh darn it, people like you…

Get out there, get online, and let your fingers do the shopping!

There is a myth that says relationships, marriage in particular, are hard work.  They certainly don’t have to be.  That said, they do not run well on autopilot.  You can’t just point a relationship in a specific direction and let it go while giving your time and attention to everything else in your life.  The relationship is likely to go off course.  Unfortunately, often, the only time a relationship gets top priority with regards to energy, is when it has already gone off course.

Now, I’m not saying you have to “do the work”.  Quite the opposite.  I am saying however, you do have to give your relationship the time and attention you would anything else you want to grow.  Relationships thrive under the warm spot light of appreciation and understanding.  Relationships do take time.  To put it bluntly, your relationship requires one on one, face to face time alone.  

I once read an article, authored by a genius, who’s name I don’t remember, who simply said, married couples need 36 hours alone every six weeks.  I know, many people say that’s just impossible.  We have kids, jobs, bills, and soccer.  However, for those couples who can pull it off, I’m willing to bet their relationships reap amazing benefits.  Why?  Because they get to experience each other as adults.  Because they get time and space to be intimate.  Because it’s good for their sex lives.  Because they make their commitment to each other a priority.

My mom tends to say, “the proof is in the pudding”.  I tend to say actions are the truth.  So, if you say your relationship is your priority, but your actions say otherwise, your actions are telling the truth and your priority list is just lip service.  If you aren’t living the relationship of your dreams, and you want to, you might want to act as if your partner is your highest priority.  If you’re “beloved” isn’t top on your to-do list, (literally and figuratively), you may want to reorganize your time management plan.  Believe me, the investment of time, energy, and even money is worth it.  Divorce is devastatingly expensive.

One final note – if you have kids, trust me, they will thank you for getting your priorities straight.  Kids thrive in homes with parents who are madly, deeply, wildly in love.