Esplanade of Dreams.

the whisper of the stars,

2013-08-15T00:12:00.000-04:00

If You Can't Sleep by She & Him

Something about spotting shooting stars is that they never fail to make me catch my breath and squeal with great delight.

Stargazing by the lake. What could be more perfect than this? To top that with great companies and a nice can of beer; sheer bliss, it was. The universe was playing a prank on us. "What is this like a joke or something?" The moon has gone missing for the past week and it was still on vacation that night. The stars were in weird positions; the Big Dipper was looking odd and appeared peculiarly huge as compared to normal. Nevertheless, being able to appreciate ten beautiful shooting stars slice across the dark universe was such an experience. I thought to myself: I could never have such experience back in Malaysia, where clouds are constantly shielding the universe from our eyes, warm and humid weather infested with despicable mosquitos
,

Every time I look into the sky at the dark, where it simply gazed back at me, I think of my father. My old man, he never fails to make me feel better about myself. I would always rant out my frustration at him, but he would simply make me realize how insignificant and petty my problems are compared to the limitless, infinite universe. Occasionally, we would talk about the universe and sigh at our trivial existence that we often think so almighty about
.

Bike ride was nice down to the beach. I especially loved how we would play along with my silliness and childish plays, like receiving a mission and attempting to accomplish it. I loved how we had such great chemistry and similarities that made every outing of us together so interesting and much more enjoyable. I loved how we would easily agree on little things, like climbing onto the safeguard's 'throne' after sundown. I loved how we are both photographers so it wasn't awkward to constantly want to take pictures of the gorgeous, jaw-dropping scenery. I loved how we have similar interest and share the love for adventures that brings us to lovely places and discover wonderful memories. I loved how we would lie down on the grass together on a nice casual but chilly night, warming each other while we stargaze. I loved how we would talk about the stars, about us, like nothing else matters. I loved how we would share our comfort food out of the box of magical nuggets from McDonalds. I loved how you held me in your arms and whispered candy canes to me. I loved how we spent the amazing summer together, knowing that right now I am in complete denial that it is coming to an end. I would give anything to relive all those beautiful moments over and over again, because you made me feel like a royalty on an extravagant vacation of simplicity and spontaneity.

This, that I will never forget, that I will bring with me, forever and always.
Thank you for the memories.

Yours truly,

Evelyn

日记。

2013-07-18T15:43:00.000-04:00

7月18日晴

都差不多一个星期了，身上的伤痕也慢慢的康复，只留下些少的疤痕。真盼望我尽快地康复。有时真好讨厌我自己。说话不经三思。咳，够了。现在只想挖个大洞转进去，从此也不再重现光明。想逃避，但这不是最好的解决方法。想回家去。我走了！不要再给你添麻烦。

心情好烦恼。真烦。佩宁

Enfold.

2013-07-06T23:00:00.000-04:00

Rule My World by Kings of Convenience

This Summer is full of spontaneous events, something that I have severely lacked in my life before him.
Just slow strolls in the night after a gorgeous fire sunset clouds. A romantic tête-à-tête that ushered in tears, that precipitated spurts of delightful aches on that fragile and vulnerable heart of ours. The fog sank down from the realm of heaven to cast a gentle veil over the vast land of tranquil.

Up above the heaven stars shone,
down below our pants soaked.
Into each others' arms, we sank,
into each others' world, we drowned;
into each others' eyes, we became mesmerised,
into each others' fingers, we entwined.

It was you and me against the world,
right at that moment,
perfect.

Life is unpredictable, isn't it?

Love,

Eve.

introvert.

2013-07-06T10:35:00.000-04:00

Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Belle and Sebastian

I don't think I'm an extrovert. I think on the introvert and extrovert scale, I fall right where it is skewed towards the introvert side. Oh did I mention how scared I feel every time I meet a stranger? Striking up a conversation and keeping it going was never my forte. I am awkward like that.

I don't think I'm memorable as well. Just little cues that I pick up from talking to different people make me realize how I'm always the one who comes and goes off people's mind. "She's okay." That's about it. I think I might actually like that, but there's always exceptions.

I am probably not the most self-confident person out there because of all these little insecurities that I have about myself. I'm not perfect. After all, who is, right?

Just want to regress back to my bubble of ignorance and bliss.

Would you let me be?

Pei Ning

Summer Solstice:

2013-07-02T20:47:00.000-04:00

My Ideal by Kenny Dorham

First day of Summer.

What this implies to me is that there are only two things: Sunny; hot, Thunderstorms; humid.

Oh wait. That sounds really familiar. That sounds exactly like Malaysia, all over again

Recently, I got the chance to really explore Plattsburgh in depth; something that I didn't get the chance to previously. I realized, this place that I called home for two years now, is actually a very scenic destination for a nature lover like me. I also realized that to be able to optimize your time here in Plattsburgh, to see as many interesting sights as possible, you will need to take the Road Less Travelled. Of course, there is a lot of walking and sometimes hiking, complimenting my plain curiosity and my love for adventure, getting my Converse kicks dirty and wet, all those are worthwhile. Memories will soon be embedded, along with the dust and stains picked up along the miles, in between the threads of the fabric of the shoe.
This is the life of an adventurer, An Explorer.

Stargaze. Who would have known? Who would have appreciated?

Just the little perks of life that will forever be tattooed into your heart, your mind, your soul.

One, Two, Three the count of three,

Lighted up the sky of Spring.

Lifted up sorrowful worries,

Leaving behind a grin of glee.
For once, I didn't have to pretend that the Airplanes in the night sky are like Shooting Stars. For once, once again, my wishes came true. Trice consecutively, criss-crossing through the dark universe, where these beautiful deaths fell from eternity. The night was perfect. Still. Serene. Dry grass. Great companion. Nothing beats the nonchalant chattering, while our heartbeats synchronized orchestrally in this plain wide field of an Oval. Nothing beats the imaginary slow dance at the gazebo.
Night was young when it wasn't.
Frozen in time, when the world wasn't.
Just You and Me, taking a step at a time.
Breathing in the state of divine.

"Sometimes life is about the ability to believe in where you are going even when you're not sure what lies ahead."

Love, ∞

unconditional love;

2013-06-18T07:49:00.000-04:00

Freedom and It's Owner by King of Convenience

I know the past Sunday was Father's Day. However, this post is dedicated to not only my old man, but also my first lady

Everyday I am reminded of how fortunate I am to have this pair of couple in my life, loving me unconditionally since even before I was born. I may not remember all the wonderful things they have given me when I was an infant, but I can certainly be thankful for the love and care that I have received from looking at the I in the present day

When I was young and naive, I used to dislike the fact that I share the same birthday as him.

"Owh shucks, I can't have my very own birthday cake on my birthday. I can't blow all the candles on my own. I'll have to share the limelight with him." *pouts*

Till this date, I still can't believe that I used to be so blinded by those materialistic things that I have overlooked how blessed I am! To share the same birthday as one's father is possibly one of the best gifts in life! Of course, I believe I became his best birthday present in his entire life. Oh I would give anything to see how elated he was when I was ushered into this world.

When I was young and naive, I used to dislike the fact that she is always up against the hair at the back of my neck, constantly pestering me with something and being all nosy.

"Would she stop nagging? Urgh, stating the obvious. I will get to it eventually." *annoyed*

Being away from home definitely made me realise so many goodness to those nagging. Talking to mom helped me understand the myriad reasons behind her altruistic intentions. We would share tears as we converse, despite being thousands of miles away from each other. Of course, it still bothers me from time to time, but instead of throwing tantrums, I would silently consent to her yattering

As my age went from single digit to double, I was slowly understanding the true sentimentality of birthdays. I completed elementary school, went on to middle school, graduated from high school, furthered my studies in college. As I do so, I was gradually peeling away the petty and superficial celebrations that most people see as the world to their birthdays, digging deeper and closer into the true nostalgia for this special day;

I no longer long for parties that I never had as a child, cakes, presents, phony greetings and wishes, etc. I just wanted it to be a reminder of how lucky I am to be born to this world. I just wanted it to be a day to be grateful to the best couple in the world, for if it wasn't for their unconditional love, pain and sacrifice, I wouldn't be where I am today, writing to you.

People may scoff at my thoughts about birthdays now. I don't care. I am rebel for a better reason. I'm not like you; I would rather have no wishes than receiving phony ones. But I know, there's always at least two people out there, constantly wishing the best for me, whether or not it is my birthday, and I can never be more indebted to this priceless gift.

I am that person, who wouldn't mind spending her 20th Birthday stuck in an airport and in the air plane, all alone and halfway around the globe, away from home. I am that person, who wouldn't mind giving up on celebrating my birthday because I knew I was heading back to where my heart belongs, to the place and people, more worthy than just a foolish facade of a birthday celebration. I am that person, who knows that no matter where I am or what I do, there's always a place where I can call home, the people I can regress to, and these will never fail to pull my heartstrings.

Happy Father's Day to my first love.

Happy Mother's Day to my first hero.

Love,

your youngest daughter

spook,

2013-06-13T10:00:00.000-04:00

Schindler's List, Film Score by John Williams

Here I was. Riding my bicycle as swiftly as possible past the midnight cemetery.
It would probably be one of the harder decisions I had to make that Saturday night.
Going, I cowardly took the route along main street, deliberately avoiding the cemetery route. I'm scared of seeing the supernatural, despite my unusual obsession over documentaries about it. I would swear on that confession.
Nevertheless, I thought twice coming back using the same route I went with as on my way, these two creepy drunk guy shouted at me from across the road, making some drunk comments about my bicycle. Oh yeah. "... BIKE! ... BIKE! ... BIKE!"
This was all I could make out of what one of the guys were shouting at me about. All I took away from his clamoring was something about my bicycle.
The fact that they appeared as if they were about to sprint over in my direction and do something to me, or my bicycle that they were fixated upon if there weren't cars passing by, freaked me out.
Honestly, at this point of time, who would you be more afraid of? Human? Or the supernatural?
,

It was an unnerving experience, coming back. Maybe it was just me, being too vigilant, too paranoid. It was as if I opened up all my chakra points and activated my fight-or-flight system. Besides the crickets and river sounds, I could hear something ringing at the back of my head. Weirdest feeling ever.
I rode my bike up the hill towards the cemetery and the moment I past the junction, I saw this pair of eyes just a little above the ground, staring right into my soul. Those reflective pair of eyes was that of a black cat. Yes. A Black Cat. What a coincidence right? And some say black cats are associated with death and darkness. Perfect timing to get spooked out right? Plus, when I passed by right beside it, the cat didn't make any slight attempt to dodge me at all! It was just staring me down, NASFWG.
That black cat. Spooky.
My own shadow, cast on the dark bitumen pavement was accelerating ahead of me as street lamps slid across me towards my back. Somehow I was concentrating on my paddling and my own shadow, as if I was expecting something out of the ordinary to happen to it or something. I also found myself mumbling, possibly to the supernatural residents in their resting places.
"I don't mean to trespass, but I just want to get home as quickly as possible."
Those words, I kept on repeating under my breath, hoping that it would at least 'save' me from the possibility of dying from being overly petrified if I actually encounter 'one'. Just hoping that they would spare me from experiencing a presence
.

Regardless of my paranoia, I managed to get back, safe and sound. It was late out then. Two in the morning I suppose? Whatever it was, I do not want to pass by the cemetery during the witching time of the night alone, ever again, if possible.
Getting chills up my spine just thinking about it. Plus, the cold wind that night wasn't quite helpful as well :/

Apprehensive,

Evelyn Lee

Self-deception;

2013-06-12T21:00:00.000-04:00

Thelonious Monk Quartet - Monk in Denmark

Coin toss logic.

I find myself doing these two things:

1. Toss a coin when I am torn in between two or more alternatives.

2. Trying to make the outcome of the coin toss event consistent with my pre-determined decision (if I already have one).

I am actually reading this book that Vania lent to me, "The Honest Truth about Dishonesty" by Dan Ariely, and came across this small section about cheating yourself.

It was describing the logic behind the coin toss concept:

Basically, when you have two options and can't decide on which, you toss a coin to speed up the decision making process. However, sometimes, you already have a decision in your head, but you don't want to admit to it because the other option is as appealing to you as the one that you have decided to go with. Hence, you want to find an 'external' force to help 'determine' your decision.

If the outcome of the coin toss turns out to be consistent with your decision, you go ahead with it, satisfied. No questions asked.

Nevertheless, if the outcome of the coin toss turns out to be inconsistent with your decision, you would probably 'ignore' the first toss, justify why it wasn't reliable (you didn't toss the coin properly, this is just a trial round, etc.) and go for a second round (this time is for real). You would probably do this until the outcome is consistent with your decision. Or, if somehow, probability is against your will, you would probably ignore coin tossing completely and go with your gut feeling, in this case, your initial decision.
"Screw tossing coins, it is just probabilities anyway, I am going with what I have initially decided."

Self-deception much? I suppose so.

Women are generally rather indecisive creatures. Here, you have one, writing to you about the decision making process.

I find myself pretty indecisive at times. For example, I would be standing in Walmart between the shelves, deciding if I should spend the money to buy this Teddy Graham biscuit that I adore, or I should save up the money for better use. Torn in between decisions, I often have the urge to toss a coin to help speed up the decision making process if I am unable to rationalize myself out to a final decision.

I get several people telling me how coin tossing doesn't really solve any problem.

For me, at least it does. For me, at least I don't toss a coin for important life-changing decisions. I leave coin-tossing to small trivial daily matters. To date, it has been working out pretty well for me! While I learn how to decide faster, I would need to rely on coin-tossing for some time. But really, I rarely toss the coin. I only do when there's people around, waiting on my decision.

I digress.

Another option rather than tossing the coin would be talking to a friend about the options you have and 'seek' advice from them. Sometimes, again, when you already have a decision, and if your friend says otherwise, you would probably provide many different reasons to convince your friend to think the same as you, and eventually 'tell' you your desired decision so that you can proceed with the execution of 'his/her' 'decision'.
Complicated? No. You are the culprit behind making things complicated. You are the culprit behind making things go the way you want to.

Self-deception much? I suppose so.

Till you figure out the functions of your complicated mind, good luck!

hint: you never will ;)

Toodleloo~

LeePeiNing

Psychology of the Mind.

2013-06-12T01:03:00.000-04:00

Cello Concerto No. 2 in D Major, H 7B/2 (Op. 101) by Hadyn, Franz Joseph

I have noticed something.

As a pedestrian during a rainy day, you are especially vulnerable.

To what? You may wonder.

To several different things. I would say.

To mother nature. To human nature.

Raindrops.

They don't kill you, those cute little raindrops.

They are harmless to your well being.

But why would I consider that as harmless to me?

The reason is as simple as it can be: I have to look presentable to others, especially if I am going to work. Of course! You don't want to look like you had to swim across a river, conquer a mountain to get to work! Of course not!

People who have a car to commute to work, lucky you, fortunate beings.

People who doesn't even own a driving license, you need to work harder on it.

Water puddles.

Again, they may seem to you like merely an uneven path when it is dry and sunny out. However, be wary of it during a rainy day as you might trip over it, twist your ankle if you step into it by mistake, getting your foot dirty and wet at the very same time, etc.

Whatever it is, don't trivialize it.

Inconsiderate drivers.

These people, of the other two aforementioned factors, are the most despicable 'sugar' in this world.

Oh yes. They just had to pick up speed as they pass by a pedestrian, who is just trying to avoid getting wet by using a mere umbrella to shield the rain. They just had to drive closer to the curb, through the puddle of water so that the water would splash up all over your body. Why not? That's a fun thing to do; seeing other people suffer while you sit back in your leather-coated seat of your brand new CR-V, enjoying your artificial air-condition in this naturally cold and wet morning.

Sadistic bastards.

Diffusion of responsibility.

I believe at some point of your life, you have experienced this at least once.

Human nature.

One time, I was at the zebra crossing, waiting to cross the road. There was this HUGE line of cars from both sides of the road. Of course, I treasure my life by not crossing when there's cars, and not until I see that they are slowing down for me to cross.

Guess what? I ended up waiting for almost 2 minutes before one of the gentleman actually stops for me to cross the road. Everyone else before him? Just simply stared at me while they accelerated past me, following the lead of the 'first' person, who ignored my intention to get to the other side of the road.

"If I don't stop for this lady right here, somebody else would. Somebody has to eventually. I'm just going to pass being the good guy this time, just like everyone else before me."

As you can see, this, perfect example of diffusion of responsibility.

Obligation.

So I was walking down this narrow sidewalk along a very poor conditioned road with many potholes trailing right beside the curb this morning. It was raining hard. Much harder than desired. I was dressed in my clean smart casual office outfit, trying to stay as dry as possible and get to the ACC so that I can board the public transit from there.

The rain, sort of ruined everything for me.

Kudos to this Person, who ruined it for me as well.

Right after this stupid car, there was a large gap before the next line of car coming up. What I did was right before the first car passes by my side, I tilted my umbrella to the side facing the road so that I can shield myself from any potential water splashes I might get from these upcoming cars. What caught me off guard was that the first car, not only slowed down its speed, but also drifted a little away from the sidewalk so that the water would not splash too much towards my direction. Surprisingly, all the subsequent cars treated me with the same degree of courtesy.

That, at least, made up for that jerk before. Thank you.

However, this got me thinking. Would they have done the same if the 'first' person didn't react differently as opposed to not having a pedestrian on the sidewalk? Would they have at least try to dodge the potholes even if the 'first' person didn't?

Could this be because they feel the obligation to keep up with the moral standards set by the model, in this case, the 'first' car?

Rant of the day: CHECK!
Thank you for your patience.

Goodnight, pretty.

Evelyn

thrill ride...

2013-06-09T14:26:00.000-04:00

The More I See You by Hank Mobley Quintet (1960)

this smell, strangely gratifying to my nostrils. I have no idea where it is coming from, but I suppose I won't be able to find out anyway

Isn't it ironic? Thrill ride...

You start off, fresh, enthusiastic, and curious, ready to take on any challenges that come your way. You are pumped! Exhilarated! Eager!

Staring ahead towards the steep slope in front, you manage to convince yourself that you are as mighty as any of those Spartan warriors. You pulled out the vivid but imaginary satisfaction of being on top of that obstacle frontward. Motivated, you charge forward with such thrust that created the thought for a moment that you actually stood a chance. First few moments, you are still feeling the fire, still feeling the burning desire, igniting your sprit and soul with passion. Ahead with your inherent tendency to chase dreams, here and now, you fight your way up.

Out of the blue, you feel Fatigue, inching its way up from your ankle, to your calf, thigh, waist, chest, and finally reaching the head. You are now blatantly aware of the gradual exhaustion, body weighing you down, faster than you can keep up with. Your head, drooping lifelessly from a previously erect posture. There is absolutely no strength left to haul yourself forward and up. Forcefully, you lift your head up to gauge how far away you are from your goal. Nevertheless, everything begins fogging up that you can't figure out images clearly. You are clueless about your current location, uncertain about the future, oblivious about the past. The only option left is to advance forward despite your weariness.

One last hurl then you are there. You persisted, and eventually succeed. Carving a smirk across the corner of your lips, you are now on top of the world. Invincible.

You find yourself resting on a horizontal plane. Reluctantly, you glide along casually till you come to a complete halt upon reaching the edge. Overlooking the spectacular view ahead, you really wish that time could pause the moment right there, where you are at the pinnacle of your life. That best second that you wouldn't mind reliving for the rest of your breathing moments. Except, you have to move on, as driven by your animal instincts - greed, curiosity, and everything in between. You have the delusion that you share with every peer; something greater is bound to happen in the near future. Hence, you have to chase it, instead of rationalizing out of it. That delusion, just simply irresistible.

Taking in the last deep breath you will ever do at that same spot, you allow your brain to engulf as much as it can to create a lasting memory of this haven of exquisite tranquility. One last blink of the eyes, then off you go, set forth in search for a new hope, an unknown goal, a novel dream.

As you go downhill, you just sit back and enjoy the thrill. This could easily be one of the best experiences in your life. Just feeling the downward momentum pulling you down and forward, while adrenaline pumps towards the opposite direction, circulating via the bloodstream throughout your body. Cool breeze swings by for a gentle stroke on your cheek. Fresh air surges into your lungs as the diaphragm expands.

Feels great isn't it? Feels like your body just rejuvenated from an exhausted state after all the struggle uphill. Feels like you can never get enough of this thrill.
The contentment. Nothing in this world is strong enough to shatter any complacency residing in this pure moment of bliss
,

Unfortunately, after the thrill, comes another uphill, then it all goes back to square one. A vicious cycle that no one can escape from.

Life.

.

Today will be a delightful sunny day. The rain clouds will slide away and clear up the sky.
Today will be a delightful sunny day. Oh, have faith that it will be.

5.13am and signing off.

Love,

Evelyn Lee

spontaneity,

2013-06-05T22:15:00.001-04:00

Orchestra Suite No. 3 in D Major by J.S. Bach

"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away." - Shing Xiong

a walk to remember

Friday, May 31st, 2013.

I spent this last day of the month with ample of room for spontaneity.

I woke up, feeling fresh. Went to campus, had a wonderful date with Mr. Grand. Ran some errands, met some friends, did some homework.

They all felt like routines, until this flush of mood came: I wanted to eat ice-cream!

I have no idea where this spontaneity came from, but this sudden craving for ice-cream was driving me nuts! I was rather desperate for some nice, chill ice-cream in this hot day out.

So I gathered some people and together, we headed down to this little ice-cream place.

They had many flavors of ice-cream but they all came in a cup. I needed the experience of eating ice-cream out of a cone. That was part of the plan. That was part of the craving. I just had to forgo those fancy flavors and stuck to the standard regular twist that I already adore so much :)

We missed the SA shuttle to Walmart. No biggie.

Teased Sanchir with my sidekick, Baek by attempting to sing 忐忑. No biggie.

Random coin-tossing, which result was ignored and forgone the shuttle ride to Walmart eventually. No biggie.

Officially met Jeshi, and a new-found friend, Vanessa. Reconnected with old friends. No biggie.

Short walk back to retrieve the poor little brown Aero messenger bag from in front of the ACC, just because the owner absent-mindedly abandoned it there with all the most important things and documents in there. No biggie.

Had an awesome dinner, which I did nothing to help out at all. Pleasurably guilty. No biggie.

Long conversation that eventually led to learning 日本語 from Iori-chan. No biggie.

Sober moments amongst 酔うてる people. No biggie.

Sanchir, smiling with his bloodshot eyes, drunk-talking, was certainly very entertaining.

We ended up playing this drawing game that he came up with.

Think outside of the box, so he said

The half moon was blood red. The majestic sight of it put me into an instant trance. Out we went, chasing the moon. Spontaneity.

I especially adore those long talks, cool breeze against our cheeks, gentle fluorescent street light, leaves rustling in the background. Subconsciously, the 1.3 miles trail walk turned into an adventure further down to the port. Spontaneity.

"Do you guys have a boat down there? This is a private property."

Woah, that was not friendly at all. Seemed to me like he almost wanted to kick butt or something.

Our initial plan: climb onto one of the boats and chill there. Apprehended by a guy who pulled up his car beside us. Spontaneity

Tranquil. The atmosphere was.

Quiet. The moon was.

Serene. The stars in the sky were.

Placid. The water was.

Composed. Our thoughts were.
Deep. Our breaths were.

The moments felt surreal. Unemcumbered by worries. Just two heartbeats, expressing profound truths about each other in simple language.

As we spoke at great length about various things, our eyes were inevitably drawn in by the picture perfect scenery.
Engulfing in all that we can, how I wish time would spare us our youth, spare us moments like this.
The moon, playing peekaboo with us by sliding in and out of the clouds occasionally.
Its moonlight, reflected upon by the calm water, leaving a faint streak of glimmering lights on the surface.
The smithereens of stars, suspending millions of light years away from us. The source of those twinkling lights that we now perceive may have been long gone, exploded. Nevertheless, they left us with such glow and hope that keeps us going.

Still remember how I was quivering whenever the cool breeze sweeps by to greet us abruptly. Cold hands, cold feet, but was fortunate enough to have another pair of hands and feet warming those up
.

An hour and 15 minutes to sunrise. We just had to keep on going since we were already half way there. Spontaneity.
3.45am. We headed back to my apartment to gather some equipments that include water, jackets and camera
,

Sunrise at Champlain Park wasn't quite complete without the actual sunrise. Thick cotton clouds were obstructing the morning rays from blessing our tender skin with Vitamin D.

Nonetheless, the scenery was magnificent.

Ducks were paddling around in the water in pairs, waddling on the grass in pairs, while we sat there on the edge of the stone barrier, in a pair.

At the end of it, we bid goodbyes with nice long hugs
Finally, what feels like Friday, ended with a nice warm shower and snuggling in bed with my favorite childhood plushie :)

...

a tacit confession of affection, perhaps?

Love, Eve

wind;

2013-06-03T23:39:00.000-04:00

So Close by John Mclaughlin

Only if it was Enchanted, love was

SOME say that water has a calming effect

At the very least, it does.

NEVER ending sounds of the rain, splattering on the roof top of our safe house

Chill breeze didn't quite matter, as

HERE, all is good. all is flowing to a gentle rhythm.

Immersing ourselves with nice, quiet conversation while our fingers entwined

Reminiscing about old good memories, all while creating new ones

Drenched with rain water, our feet were.

as we took Our time, strolling dowN the sidewalk under the same umbrella.

the raindrops, magically drumming against the roof Top, creating Wonderful melodies that are astoundingly delightful to our ears

this relaxed Ambiance was absolute, filled with Nothingness, yeT rich with sentimentality.

2 hours, passed swiftly and gone with the wind. Hush, without a sound.

Under that awkward looking tree, stood the old witch from snow white. but that didn't matter.

Raging series of lightning, trailing across the sky. but that didn't matter.

deafening roars of Thunders. but that didn't matter.

all that matters was that it was Yesterday, that i have rediscovered something that i have Once lost, or repressed
,

under the same Umbrella that we left with, we walked back.
thank you for the pleasant journey.

goodnight,

my dearest

overflow;

2013-05-29T21:00:00.000-04:00

Gravity by John Mayer

Funny how I seem to like all the songs titled "Gravity"

Funny how I still find all the weird pictures we took together Hilarious, just like how I would laugh so hard the first time I see them

...

Fall 2012.

Maybe it's me, but I find that we talk more often after Summer.

It has been a year...

I grew more comfortable being around her. She grew more comfortable being around me. We grew more comfortable being around each other.

I will miss the moments where we would debate who would get down from the bed to turn off the lights because the last person forgets to turn it off before getting into snuggling under covers.

I will miss the moments where we would continue our pillow talk in the dark, sharing our thoughts, experiences, childhood memories, high school middle school memories, etc. We would share a piece of our philosophy of life, sigh at unfortunate events, grateful for fortunate ones. From each other, we learnt to appreciate, love, and be thankful.

By the way, did I mention how we find solace in talking to each other, just because our outlook of life is at least, more similar to one another than to others?

We would talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk...

until silence prevails...

until sweet dreams twinkle

Softly As I Leave You by Michael Buble

She came back from China with something that made me smile, every single time I look at it. And nope, I am not exaggerating. I mean every time :)

Cute little socks. Oh... *melts*

,

September 2012. Chasing tornadoes. Continuing our love for photography, we set out with our cameras, despite the many tornado alerts and high wind speed.

,

September 2012. Sunrise date. We planned this. Yet, we went to bed late at night, praying that we can pull ourselves out of bed in a few hours time.
"Tian! Woah! Azuzu went to see the sunrise." (referring to pictures on Facebook)
"Yeah..."
{pause}
"Pei Ning..."
"Mmmm?"
"Do you want to go see the sunrise tomorrow?"
"How?"
"Go to CCC."
"You drive?"
"Yeah."
"Is it okay for you to drive when it is still dark?"
"Should be..."

We did anyway :)

Tried to take some jump shots, we were never synchronized! After more than 50 shots (nope, again, I am not exaggerating), this was I guess the best shot that we have together.
Of course, we were exhausted after. Gave up, went back.
Satisfied.
满载而归 :)

Someone to Watch Over Me by Ella Fitzgerald

Fall. Autumn.

Leaves were beautiful. She, as usual, captured the moments ;)

,

In our new room, 120A Adirondack Hall, we shared many crazy room moments :D

We let our dogs have conversation with each other while we have ours,

We play footsies too... only a little differently :)

Chicken from Walmart as dinner, just because we can. Indulgence, in a form it was.

Thinking About You by Norah Jones

We made a lot more crazy faces together this semester. Pictures that I still laugh at when I look at.

These are the ones that I'll never forget.

,

We dressed up for Presidents' Gala :)

At Last by Beyonce

December 2012. Finals week. Of course, it had to be the three of us, omma, her and me, spending late nights in the library. We were productive! We had to. Nevertheless, in the midst of information cramming, late night snacking, we made good use of our procrastination times by doing some stress relieving activities:

1. Taking pictures.

2. Silly faces.

3. Playing childhood games.

Fun times!

... until Fall semester ended

Goodbye Fall 2012.

Till then,

...

moon;

2013-05-27T01:14:00.000-04:00

Don't Know Why by Norah Jones

Did you see the moon tonight?

Suspending midway across the sky,

Mysteriously shading itself from the eyes of the world

Behind those gray smithereens of clouds.

Did you see the moon tonight?

Oh how mesmerising the facade of it;

It draws your attention, your soul,

You are caught in limbo.

Did you see the moon tonight?

It was certainly bewitching.

And you wonder if it would be 'safe' for you

To take the path that crosses the Lakeside cemetery.

Did you see the moon tonight?

After many days and nights of heaven's tears,

The sky has finally cleared up,

Exposing the Milky Way for us to gaze at.

Did you see the moon tonight?

Because I certainly do,

And am glad that I am able to,

And am glad that I can.

Love,

Lee

Regressing,

2013-05-26T17:56:00.000-04:00

Spring 2012.

It came soon after I was back from Minnesota and Iowa, she, back from China.

Our adventure continues...

Dream A Little Dream of Me by Louis Armstrong

Rainy days like this makes people more sentimental.

At least for me, it has that magical effect
.

We have different humor points, but we always seem to converge on each other when it comes to interest, thoughts, or even actions :)

Like the Chinese proverbs: 心有灵犀一点通

That's what we are...

She's the Yin to my Yang :)
,

I will miss her magic hands of cleaning up the room swiftly.
From this,

To this.

Just within a matter of a few moments...
,

She makes silly faces using her phone app,

She comforts me when my jeans gave up on me.

I'll never forget our Starbucks moments :)

She treated me a nice cup of Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuchino on this beautiful day of May.

Of course, time flies...

Spring semester came to an end. We took a trip down to NYC together on Amtrak, bid each other goodbyes in Penn Station for the Summer. We almost teared, like many other times saying goodbye to each other :')

Room 120D Adirondack Hall.

Goodbye. Our times together were wonderful

Spring 2012.

Till then, my dearest.

...

le rendezvous;

2013-05-25T18:00:00.002-04:00

Don't Want An Ending by Sam Tsui

Life. Ironic, isn't it?

Was thinking about my beloved roommate when this came shuffled onto my playlist on Pandora

Fall 2011.
August 2011. I first made her acquaintance. I found out after that after going a month plus without any Chinese around her, provided with her English deficiency, she was enthusiastic to finally be able to join the Fall International Student Orientation, finally be able to meet some Chinese, only to be disappointed by my lack of Chinese conversation with her :(

The very next morning...

I was entering Adirondack Hall when I caught sight of Chihiro Kobayashi, her orientation leader, speaking to her down the hallway. I remember vividly how I hesitated, whether to walk over to strike up a conversation, or to proceed back to my room as I initially intended to. I shuffled down the hallway to my right in the end to meet them. The restlessness in both their pretty faces made me realized that I have made a pretty bad decision of joining them.

After several moments of casual conversation, they finally broke to me that she was having trouble with her roommate, Visa (签证), and was looking to switch roommates. Seeing that just the morning before I left for activities, my roommate moved in and made a pretty bad impression (waking me up with noises of her moving in, then quarreling with her parents over the phone with rude attitude), I promptly agreed to be roommate with her.

Ha! I still remember the look on her face. Wide eyes of disbelief with hints of relief.

"Really? Really?"

"Yeah! I can be your roommate."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm..."

Boy, she plunged into me like she won the powerball lottery :)

There, our journey began.

...

New York, New York by Frank Sinatra

I had help moving into our new room, 120D Adirondack Hall. I helped her after. Witnessed 签证 in action. I see why she wants to move out! 签证 had her cupboard drawer open, blocking 2/3 of the doorway entrance, didn't offer any help, expecting us to move things out of the room through that 1/3 space she left us. That's evil in action.

Next day, she moved her fridge when I was not around, hurt her feet, got stitches. It was ugly when I saw her again later in the afternoon. Funny how she put 签证 in the blame for her injury.

"签证 used black magic on me. See what became of me!"

Hahahahaha. She always makes me laugh
,

We stuck together like glue soon after we became roommates. Since her vocabulary was not strong enough, guess how we communicate? The guessing game :P
All the adorable sound effects that she would make, I'm the person who guesses. Sometimes, if she recognizes the word, she would point at me excitedly with that grin on her face. Sometimes, if she doesn't know what the word I said, I would have to explain, more explaining, then I would finally give in and say it in Chinese. If I don't know the Chinese word to it, Google comes in to save the day.
Our relationship then? People would say, amazing.
Of course, we developed our unique way of communicating with each other :)
.

Beyond The Sea by Kevin Spacey

Our first adventure together: Bubble wand :)

Yes! She was unpacking and I saw this bubble wand of hers. I wanted to play so she grabbed my camera and we went out to have a little fun. It was then, I discovered her love for photography. She's a pretty passionate photographer herself. She loves to take pictures of other people. Candid.

,

Our first pictures together... ♥

,

September 2011. I bought a huge pack of gummy bear. We camwhored with the gummy fountain :)

October 2011. Halloween. We went costume shopping, albeit not buying anything.

Halloween night. Look at all the candies we collected around the neighborhood!

November 2011. Our first outing together. We went to Burlington, following the trip organized by International Student Services (ISS). We shared bubble tea. We played with colorful shades. We had fun.

.

November 2011. It was ice-skating day with the original Mow group. She didn't join us in the rink, just sat around in the bench and took many great pictures of others having fun. I couldn't bear leaving her alone, away from everyone else, since I convinced her to join us in the Field House. I went to sit with her. We took pictures of course :)

I Think It Is Going To Rain Today by Norah Jones

November 2011. First Plattsburgh snowfall together. We are random. No. She is random. So it was our first time experiencing snowfall together, as roommates. The first time for me was during Thanksgiving break, when she was away.
"Pei Ning, it is snowing outside."
"Yeah I know."
{pause}
"Want to go out to take pictures?"
"Now?"
"Yeah."
"Its two something in the morning now!"
"Yeap."
"Okay..."
So we geared up and we out with her cameras. While she experimented with her new Leica toy, I fooled around with her Casio magic camera :)

,

December 2011. She and Omma gave me my first birthday party, Elmo themed. I cried. I cried so bad like a sad, sad child. Of course, it not only caught me off guard, my 'grief' caught everyone off guard as well. I was too happy. Tears of joy. I was touched.

Semester ended shortly after.
Goodbye Fall 2011

...

Change. GE 13.

2013-05-04T14:41:00.001-04:00

When all hell breaks loose, keep calm and carry on

This could definitely be applied to my current academic situation, as well as (more importantly) the situation in my home country, Malaysia. Today, may or may not be the day that Malaysia creates history. My country's general election is today. As much as we all want a fair election, there's always those kind of people, who mess things up, who cheat, who don't play fair. There's always those kind of people. Am I not right?

For many years, my country's people has been battling with the government, who on the surface made everything seemed like our country is such a democratic one, but in reality resembles more authoritarian.

NO! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Along the way, comes people who realized how much Malaysia has been handicapped by the ruling power. Along the way, formed different organizations, aiming to create awareness for a better country, a better government.

Bersih! This means "clean" in malay.

What more do I need to say? The people has spoken! We want a country free from corruption, free from oppression, free from racial discrimination, free from racial segregation! We want a truly united nation, a place where everyone feels belonged, feels safe. We want a place all Malaysian could call "home".

General Election. Today.

Please. I urge all Malaysians. Deliberate before casting your votes today. Our country has been governed by the same ruling party ever since Independence Day in 1957. It could definitely afford some change. Let us usher in real peace and harmony within the country by voting for the better. We don't want to be ruled by fear, threats and scams anymore! We want a safe country to live in! We want a truly united nation by heart and soul, not through propagandas and phony slogans because we all know that behind the politicians' elegant facades lie a lifestyle of grotesque luxury and hypocrisy.

Most importantly, stay safe.

GE 13. Ubah! Ini kalilah!

Much love from the States,

a fellow Malaysian

忐忑。

2012-12-23T08:55:00.000-05:00

Hello. I am still alive.

It happened all too quickly. Adrenaline was rushing. Despite the full blown activation of the Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous System, all that filled my ears were the urgency of the honking by the culprit and the roaring sound of the word "shit" in my mind. Milliseconds after, the car was rocking vigorously back and forth side ways. The car came this close, this close to flipping over.

My left arm came first into contact with the side of the car, leaving it swollen and bruised now. It hurts.

My mind, is constantly reminded of the scientific term "coupe" and "contra-coupe" that means brain damage on first contact and secondary contact following the impact.

My heart races when I have a flash back of the incident.

There were five of us in the car, yet, I was the only person who saw everything the clearest.

That blue car was coming at us at full speed. The driver himself knew that he wouldn't make it in time to brake and didn't bother to, expecting us to do it. We were already more than halfway through turning. In spite daddy's last second accelerating, we couldn't make it. The bumper was destroyed. Kaput.

It was an experience nevertheless, just not a very fun one. Car being hit twice in five days? Both within the short time frame that I am back home from US? What luck is this?

Signing out from Singapore, barely recovering from the fever yesterday,

Pei Ning

being you,

2012-12-12T01:37:00.002-05:00

One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles

that journey of self-discovery

that journey of discovering what I truly want

You know how I feel about people who don't even bother to try? It is like:

"Why would you look down on people who work hard to achieve their goals? The people you should be looking down upon are those who are like you, who don't bother to try, yet at the same time, criticise and patronise people who end up to be more successful than yourself because of their efforts."

Honestly, ultimately, you live your life for yourself. If you want to be as competent as others, do it! Work hard towards it! Better yourself! Don't just sit there and expect rewards to come. Don't just sit there waiting for each shooting star to cut across the sky so that you can make a wish upon it because before you know it, you would be too preoccupied with admiring the beauty of those and fail to make a wish yourself.

People wish for miracles for happen. It does happen once in a while, so don't be completely discouraged by the realistic world. Nevertheless, miracles don't always happen without catalyst. You are the catalyst. You hear people saying "I'm trying."

How about changing your approach and say "I'm working on it." instead?

Trying does not show effort. Working on something is showing effort and effort is an indispensable element towards success.

"Genius is 1 percent inspiration, 99 percent perspiration." - Thomas Edison

Feed on your motivation, not procrastination!

Once in a while is fine. At least you know that you won't burn yourself out.

Yours,

Pei Ning

paper. cut.

2012-11-09T16:30:00.001-05:00

Superman by Five For Fighting

paper cut. that's right.

who would've foreseen that?

who would've taken precaution?

that's right. no one.

no one pays attention. no one cares.

no one but you.

paper. as common as it seems.

who would've thought that it would be the culprit?

who would've taken precaution?

that's right. no one.

no one pays attention. no one cares.

no one until you get cut.

a paper cut.

paper cut wound. as trivial as it seems.

who would've thought that it would hurt so much?

who would've thought that it would last for so long?

that's right. no one.

no one pays attention. no one cares.

no one but you.

you with the paper cut.

agony. as much as it stings.

who would've thought that its impact would be colossal?

who would've thought it would be so devastating?

that's right. no one.

no one pays attention. no one cares.

no one but you.

you with the wound.

paper cut wound. steadily lying on my right ring finger.

such deep wound that it lasted for three full days and far from being completely healed.

who would've thought it would be so serious?

who would have thought?

Pei Ning

did you?

2012-10-28T21:45:00.000-04:00

Dreaming With A Broken Heart by John Mayer

Was listening to this song and I heard this phrase,

"waking up is the hardest part"

As a person who adores metaphor, I fell in love immediately with this phrase, being that I can relate to this phrase at a personal level as well

Whoever says that waking up is going to be easy? Every morning, that moment when you open your eyes, it is another brand new day and you know it. However, the temptation to just continue lying down and snuggle with your blanket is great!

Talk about the Physics principle of Inertia. Definitely true, especially after a whole night long of not moving

Whoever says that waking up from a dream is going to be easy? Of course, it involves you giving up of your previous believes and adopting a new set. It involves a new set of belief that completely contradict with your current ones.

How apprehensive that the future is no longer bright for you after waking up.

Look around you, the world is moving on, signifying the urgency for you to keep up. Of course it is moving forward, but whether in the right track with the right pace or not, only itself is clear about it.

That small fee I paid to see the world, is probably the best investments I have ever had in my life since young. Sure I splurge on unnecessary things occasionally, but this was an eye-opener.

It got me thinking. It got me pondering. It answered many questions I previously had.

I was rather traumatized. No doubt that I was. There were numerous events that I had to slowly digest, but deep in my heart, I know that I have decided and I have to stay strong with that decision.

After all, who would invest their trust on me if I couldn't trust my own instinct?

I'm glad that I still see some light in the dark endless tunnel. It was gradually fogging up, even the light seemed blurry and vague.

Should I pick up my pace and sprint towards it before it vanishes? Or should I stay put and admire the beautiful ray, regret when it vanishes?

"A true pilot must of necessity pay attention to the season, the heaven, the stars, the winds and everything proper to the craft if he is really the rule a ship." - Plato, The Republic

LeePeiNing

Betrayed.

2012-10-26T18:58:00.001-04:00

It certainly took me forever to regain consciousness.

Forever to wake up from that deep slumber.

Feels like everything that I once had was unreal, fake and phony.

Everything was for a reason, a motif behind drawn curtains.

I cannot comprehend.

I certainly cannot fathom.

There is no way I can.

How could people transform from being such an innocent harmless child at birth, to be so maliciously harmful to other people's well being?

Such selfish bastards those people are.

I would be more than willing to pick up a weapon and end their petty little pest life right there.

Sadistically enjoy their slow and excruciatingly painful death.

Sadistically enjoy the sight of their body structures and limbs drop separately and lifelessly on the floor before my feet.

Sadistically savor the taste of those mudblood on my lips.

I would even be Hitler reborn of this 21st century, have a genocide for pests like you from the world.

The absence of people like you, oh yes I could already see it, taste it.

The freedom and peaceful ambient in the surrounding.

My last words for you -

"For all the sins that you have committed, you shall have karma to come against your will.

Burn in hell."

evil.

2012-10-25T05:27:00.000-04:00

see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil

i wish life was that simple.

i wish.

innocence;

2012-10-25T01:36:00.000-04:00

Haru Haru by Big Bang

the purity of a person's mind.

the learning about something that can't be undone,

subsequent destruction of the innocence.

what else renders memories and significance?

nothing but a stack of ashes,

dissolve and float in the occasional breeze

alongside the fluffy seeds of the dandelions

polluted, impurity are all that are left

the pieces of broken china

metaphorically resembles the mind, body and soul

rough soil the dirt

since when did you bid goodbye to your childhood?

that very moment when you let your heart win

that very moment when you let loose your curiosity about relationships

that very moment when you lost sight for a moment of

innocence.

the deepest desire to regress back into childhood.

Shooting star.

2012-10-21T01:18:00.001-04:00

The Red Aspens by Jennifer Thomas

Deep breaths. Steady heartbeats. Soothing melody.

All I need for this perfect night to end is just a little more surprise

Talk about surprise, it really takes you in a night flight across heaven's park

Taiko Masala, the Japanese Drum Festival. It was really out of pure reluctance, deep contemplation before I finally made the decision, which turned out to be incredible.

My first time seeing the Seaweed Suckers perform and I was blown away by their professionalism.

What do you look for in a band performance? Who do you usually pay attention to?

Many people's reply would be the vocalist, the guitarist, the bassist. However, how many actually pays attention to the drum player?

I try to be a non-conformist whenever possible. In this case, I paid most attention to the drum player, who was partially or wholly blocked by the lead singer most of the time. I have seen many drum players and some of them really did not take their role seriously, thinking that they are sitting at the back of the stage behind the scenes, not noticeable.

This guy, he was different. You could tell that he loved his role in this band. You could tell that he knew that he was the backbone of the band. You could tell that he knew what he was doing.

He was marvelous in performance, entertaining and especially cool whenever he does finger tricks with the drum sticks.

The rest of the band members were extremely professional in what they do, delivering a very strong, powerful and energetic performance. They were very interactive throughout their performance and I was really impressed.

When it comes to the main performance from Taiko Masala, I loved the power and passion in their every move. Their interaction with the audiences was remarkable. Watching their performance had driven an invisible force in me that drives my urge to pick up taiko drums as well.

Was setting up the tripod and the camera while waiting for the fireworks to come on, I experienced one of the happiest moments in my life.

A pleasant surprise that was.

Unexpected, overwhelming, breathtaking, magnificent.

It was sheer magic.

Out of the blue, that comet appeared as a dazzling streak of bright light cuts through the sky and fades away at the corner of the horizon.

I was baffled, speechless and was on the verge of tearing to the sight of such a glorious moment.

People say that if you make a wish under a shooting star, your wish would come true.

The truth for me is, when I caught sight of that shooting star, that was my wish coming true. I couldn't ask for more. I am grateful. Exhilarated.

Shooting the fireworks this time was a completely different feeling for several reasons:

1. I have companions this time.

2. I have a tripod this time.

3. I was trying out new camera setting this time.

4. I came prepared this time.

Sure it is a whole trial and error thing, but the learning experience was awesome.

I believe have self-esteem issue with the photographs that I have taken, yet I am satisfied with the general outcome of today's photography outing.

Here's my personal favorite: Fireworks and two comets.

I love you.

LeePeiNing