essell

Behind the Mask of Life.

2013-11-12T03:17:00.000-08:00

The month of November is often associated with remembering and the older you become, the more memories you store.

I was particularly moved by a recent photo circulating on facebook depicting an old man with his shadow demonstrating his youth.

Such a powerful and poignant photo as it allows us to see the person behind the age. The real person behind the mask of advancing years.

Too often we place people in categories such as 'the youth', 'the elderly', 'the middle aged' and we do not stop to think about the actual person.

In this month of remembering, I am reminded of my working years as a health visitor. As part of this role I occasionally visited 'the elderly' who had had full and rich lives but who were incapacitated by age. Behind the mask of age were untold stories of creativity, support and friendships and most had lived lives that were full of meaning and usefulness in society.

I worked with 'the youth' in schools and in the community who were being formed to take up their role in society. A role that sadly was distorted in some young persons by parents and carers at an age when their personality was developing.

I worked mainly with new parents and saw behind the mask they used to face the world. A mask that could hide the anxieties, problems and difficulties associated with the vastly important role of child rearing.

I was so privileged to share in the lives of many people of different ages but I was aware that we all share the same needs, wants and expectations in life.

We live for such a short time and each one of us is important to the growth and advancement of the world. Shakespeare wrote 'all the world is a stage and we are merely players', we only allow parts of our selves to be visible to others. So let us remember to look beyond the masks, to hear the stories of life and of the individual.

What shadow would I reflect? I hope it is one of help and support and of having made a difference in the lives of those I have met.

Take a Breath!

2013-07-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

I thought retirement was meant to be full of rest and relaxation.Well none of that for us, we haven't stopped still
since John retired and sometimes the days are blurred as we speed through like a whirlwind. But we are enjoying our new found life and there will be ample time for R and R in the future.

We celebrated the wedding of our daughter in May. A truly wonderful day, marked with happiness, lots of love and good weather. As a small child I learnt, through the catholic catechism, that 'God is love'. I have come to understand, after a long journey, that God is in all love, whether they be heterosexual or homosexual relationships. I recognised this love that day and wish them a long and happy 'marriage'.

Continuing on the wedding theme, my youngest daughter is getting married next year to her childhood sweetheart. She met him at school 11 years ago and he proposed to her last year. She has already chosen the venue, photographers and most importantly - has chosen and ordered her wedding dress.

The caravan we bought is proving to be one of the best purchases we have made. We travel to Wales frequently now and have spent many happy days either on our own or with visiting family. I am sure I am energised and revitalised by the greenery and the mountains as soon as I cross the border. We walk for miles and try to swim daily, that should keep us fit in retirement.

The scenery never ceases to amaze me and I have painted my first oil painting which is of the Headland around the bay. I have plenty other scenes and sites that I would like to capture on canvas and hopefully sell to other owners on the site. With this in mind I have started to develop a web page where anyone may browse or buy - http://essellart.moonfruit.com/
I will upload more paintings here when they are completed.

Finally, we have put our house up for sale. Inevitably now there is only the two of us, we are looking to downsize and move areas as we are no longer tied to workplace nor schools. We don't mind if the new house is in need of a bit of renovation or 'ready to move in'. We will probably look to buy a bungalow so that we won't need to be moving again in the future.

What was I saying about R and R? We already have major stress factors in our lives - weddings and house moves.
Bring it on!!
And breathe!

R and R?

2013-04-13T08:55:00.000-07:00

Having considered numerous options, we have finally bought a caravan in West Wales. It has all the necessary mod cons and sleeps up to eight people so John and I will have more than enough space. It is sited on a family site and has a private fishing pond, is next to the sea and has a private gym. The surrounding area is beautiful with Cardigan Bay on one side and the Snowdon mountain range on the other. We intend to take our bikes and use the numerous coastal cycle paths. It is ideal now that John has retired and we no longer are tied to working days.

Minor problem at the moment though. To celebrate John's retirement, most of our family spent a weekend break at Centre Parcs which was really enjoyable, however when I was playing badminton, I jarred my knee and it is still sore. I have reached the stage where my mind is a lot younger than my body, but as the months go on I'm sure I will get back into all those activities on offer.

Last week we took the grandchildren to the caravan and is was wonderful to have an excuse to try the activities that we wouldn't normally try. We had a lovely, albeit it, tiring time with them. Next week we are in London for a couple of days as one of my daughters bought us a gift experience for Christmas. So we will be cruising the Thames and having dinner one evening. I thought retirement was to rest but we have not stopped and there is no sign of a rest anytime soon!!

The following week we will be in Birmingham as our daughter, Alex, is having a civil wedding ceremony with her partner Kate. We went with her when she had a fitting for her wedding dress and needless to say, she looked stunning.

In between all this activity, I am still sewing and painting. The links to some of these are via https://sites.google.com/site/essellartandcrafts/ John has started to make his fly fishing hooks and I have been painting fish in water colours to accompany them.

Okay so my knee hurts, my hips are sore and I'm not sure what day it is but I quite like life in retirement. I haven't found the R and R yet though!!

Taking Stock

2013-03-06T02:09:00.000-08:00

As I sit here typing, the early signs of spring are appearing and I cast my mind back and remember the wonderful cruise we took in December to celebrate my sixtieth birthday. It couldn't have been more perfect. On the day of my birthday we were in Tortola in the Caribbean, a beautiful and lush island. We toured the island then spent the day on the white sandy beach. A wonderful start to celebrate a new decade, a new chapter in life. I have this poster on the wall in my dining room that currently doubles as my sewing and art room, to remind me of this day. This was my view from the sunbed and every time I look at it now, it helps me to relax and in those dimmer periods, puts life back into perspective.

Life will change yet again and so, as I enter a new decade in life, it is time to take stock, to look at possibilities, to reappraise our circumstances and expectations.My husband John is also retiring in one week and he already has his hobbies and projects lined up to keep him occupied. He hopes to design and create fly fishing hooks and sell them alongside my crafts at summer fetes. He also aims to rediscover his woodwork skills to make bird boxes and garden ornaments. In the short term I continue to be busy with my sewing and painting, some of which you can view via the links on my web page at https://sites.google.com/site/essellartandcrafts/

I heard recently that the husband of my best friend in my teen years has sadly died at the young age of sixty one. Like us, they had been married for forty years, unlike us, they are unable to enter their new decade together. As John and I walk this new path, I thank God for our past life and entrust Him with our future life. Maybe we can only plan so much and do not know what is around the corner but in the meantime, we stride out together.

If being '60' is the new '40' then bring on middle age!!

My Brother John

2012-12-22T02:03:00.000-08:00

My brother John

You have always been a part of my life, from me being born to growing old.

I remember you in short pants going to school, shy, quiet and not much to say.

Then as a teenager, you were a ‘rocker’ on your motor bike with your friends and their bikes, congregating outside the gate, reving and tinkering with the bikes. Your longer hair growing more wavey. Our poor mum must have been demented with worry.

Then as a single dad, you did your best with four small kids to rear.

I remember the times I visited you in your flats, when the family had left home. You had found your voice and were no longer shy and reserved.

You loved the horses and the whiskey too. (just like dad) and John, you could show your caring side when you wanted to because you were a big softy at heart.

You cleaned windows for many a year until you confessed to growing old and having creaky knees.

As the years went on, you developed a kinship with our brother Colin and became good friends.

You were strong John and nobody’s fool as you knew your limitations and kept your independence.

John, thank you for being my older brother, you made me proud and you have my respect.

Thank you for your love and friendship.

I know that you are with mum and dad now and I wish you eternal peace and happiness and abounding love.

Goodbye my brother, until we meet again.

Further Change

2012-11-24T00:54:00.000-08:00

After settling down into a new phase in life, another one rears its head, but this is a good next phase as my husband John, has decided to retire next March, so both of us will be fancy free. Of course it will bring new major changes as we have always said that when we no longer have work commitments, we will downsize to a smaller house in a new area. Now we will need to decide where we want to live as where we live, will no longer be dictated by commuting time or school access. The problem is - what does downsizing really mean?. In my case, it probably only means one less bedroom as it is useful and sometimes necessary to have extra space!

It is important to have something useful to do when you are retired, in order to keep the mind agile and the body active. My hobbies are dressmaking and oil painting and John has decided to try his hand at making the 'flies' used when fly fishing. We could eventually both sell our creations at craft fayres, side by side. At a recent craft fayre there was a man who had retired and put all his time into his hobby of painting which he was selling and they were excellent, but his poor wife was a 'painting widow' as his hobby took over all his time. I can relate to that because when I paint, I become so absorbed in what I am doing that time passes without my knowing. John and I should be well suited if we both have separate hobbies to occupy our time and he also wants to test his joinery skills in making garden furniture and accessories and of course, he will be able go fishing more often. So 2013 will hopefully be a lucky year for us both as we certainly have a few big decisions to make.

Christmas fayres are in full swing now and I'm busy trying to finish all my Christmas shopping before we set sail on our cruise next month. I'm looking forward to 2013 when John and I will be able to please ourselves for the first time in 41 years.

Circles

2012-11-16T03:05:00.000-08:00

Life is a massive circle, going round and round in never ending cycles. Circles in the universe as planets orbit and spin on themselves, continuing life and death cycles, seasons coming round again, and so the list goes on. As I approach my sixtieth birthday next month, I am more aware of the effect of these circles or life's patterns that are similar across any generation. My least favourite age was as I approached thirty, the jump from being twenty nine to thirty was like a chasm, when youth would be lost in one fell swoop! Being forty was no big deal however, it came and went fairly quietly but my fiftieth birthday was the first time I really thought about getting old and viewed as such by my peers. Now as my sixtieth birthday rears its head, I feel a little bemused by it all.

I live in a world where appearance is king and so many people and media programmes are consumed with the need to retain youth and all its promises, well what a load of rubbish. Yes, getting older is cruel on the body but there are so many advantages that really can outweigh the negatives. A bit like a fine wine, a seasoned building, an experienced life that has learnt from mistakes and mishaps. There is currently an e-book at number one called 'Thursdays in the Park', which is about a sixty year old finding a new romance http://www.amazon.co.uk/Thursdays-in-the-Park-ebook
It features older people rather than perfectly groomed and stick thin twenty somethings.

I feel privileged to be sixty, I have my own opinions, I can see pitfalls and I recognise the circles in life to beware or change for the better. There are some grumpy old people but equally, there are grumpy people in all generations. Being sixty today is very different from being sixty a few decades ago. I am not required to grow old gracefully or retire to my armchair, I intend to look for the new shoots and nurture growth, rather than be constrained within the circle of 'autumn years'.

Yes, the skin I life in, is growing old, but inside this skin is a comfort, a serenity and a wisdom that has been earned through experience in the various cycles and circles of the last six decades. So next month, I will set off towards the Caribbean sun to celebrate my age, I will raise my glass to this new decade, and continue in another circle of life and to enjoy the current cycle in which I live.

Cheers!

Christmas Is Coming

2012-11-08T12:02:00.002-08:00

Busy at the moment making Christmas gifts and toys for three upcoming local Christmas fayres. I love having a stall at fayres, not that I make much money but the fellow stallholders I meet and some of their stories are very interesting. People who just love doing what they do, not to make a fortune but to spend their time doing things that make them happy. How many people can truly say that they have their dream job?

The time of year also makes a difference as hopefully people are seeking that unique gift that doesn't cost a fortune. I have always loved Christmas time and all the preparation. Christmas has always felt special and surrounded by family, makes it the perfect time of year.

When I was a little girl, one Christmas day holds a cherished memory. I was about 7 or 8 years old and I knew I was getting a doll because my mum had bought it at Woolworths for £1.10 shilling or £1.50 in today's money. When it was bought it had no clothes and was in a plastic bag. I was totally unaware that my mum had been busy making clothes for that doll so that when I saw it on Christmas day, it was sat up in a pram, with a wardrobe that any grown woman would have envied. It had knickers, underskirt, a dress and an outer coat with matching bonnet. Mum had also made pram blankets and pillows. I was speechless. I named the doll Jacqueline and I still have her to this day, but sadly, not the clothes. I recently found the clothes pattern that mum must have used and only now am I aware of the time and care it must have taken for her to make that beautiful outfit. I intend to use that same pattern for my granddaughter's dolls.

I hope that I am able to be the maker of a toy or accessory that stays in the memories of another little girl this Christmas day. The photo shows some of my soft toys, 2 soft toy elephants. Please feel free to view a small selection of my gifts by following the links on my web page at - https://sites.google.com/site/essellartandcrafts/.

Take the time to visit some of the craft fayres and support the people who make wonderful items and gifts

Happy shopping!

Life

2012-11-02T04:05:00.000-07:00

Life with its twists and turns, its heartbreaks, its joys.

What is around the corner? What is it that lurks ahead?

A life that rolls on continuously, despite the bumps,

A life that that hits you hard, knocks you off your feet instead.

Got to face the world head on and use the props to support

Try to understand this 'topsy turvy' world at my feet

Another stride, another road. a path that leads me on

With no control nor desire to claim what I may meet.

A period of calm, a troubled phase, who knows? We are what we are,

Tasting the sweet effects and also the sourness of life

Clashes, hurts, comforts, love, churned together, all mixed up

Make sense of your being, amidst the love mixed with the strife.

Solutions blurred through misty eyes, a fog refusing to shift,

No directions visible to give guidance in navigating the haze

Clinging to a hope that who I am will carry me through,

A hope that I will soon be guided out of the maze.

There is no choice, get up, dust down, carry on and face the world,

Turn down the dial, turn the corner, turn the other cheek.

Soothe my soul, make clear my way, the path I need to take,

Brighten my horizon that I may tread wisely in another week.

Lost and Found

2012-10-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

I lost my mojo this week. The effect of situations crept up on me like unwelcome stalkers and invaded my space until I couldn't see clearly and lost my direction. Mojo is defined as a magical charm bag used in hoodoo, which is now used as a slang word for self-confidence, self-esteem or sex appeal. I lost my sex appeal a while ago and haven't really missed it but my self confidence and self esteem is a different matter - I wanted those back! I know why I lost my mojo, it was due to a combination of factors that finally outweighed the balance and tipped my life scales into a gloomy phase.

All due to a sad and bad news week. A thirty year old acquaintance who lost his young life to cancer, an eighty year old who gave up his life to suicide, the disgraceful saga of Jimmy Saville, family who are doing other things or who do not contact, the end of summer, or maybe simple biochemistry's ups and downs. It all added up and got the better of me.

Then I remembered the blog I wrote last week and thought I had better put it into practice. So I began to search for my mojo, it couldn't be far away, hidden somewhere, probably right under my nose. I know its a bit early but I thought about the American tradition of thanksgiving or more fitting to this time of year, as it is the end of October and Halloween, I thought about what was growing in my own pumpkin patch. I started to think about my blessings, the good things in life, my future aspirations and expectations. Those life scales began to tip back again as I remembered the positives in my life.

I found my mojo again, it was hidden under the autumn leaves amongst all my blessings. Yes, right under my nose (or rather my feet!). As autumn heralds the start of winter and hibernation, I can confidently be assured that the world continues in its cycle of new growth in the months to come. Life, with its ups and downs, its highs and lows, there are always positive things to cherish when you don't allow them to be hidden by the troubles that life, inevitably also brings.

It is not what is happening externally in the world that is important, but how we internalise situations and events in an attempt to make sense of, and live a meaningful life. That is essential in ensuring that the 'mojo' is never lost to negative influences.
Long live the mojo!

Mind Over Matter

2012-10-19T03:35:00.001-07:00

I am fascinated by the power of the mind as it can and does affect everything in the body. There is so much about the brain that is yet to be identified and philosophers still debate whether thought exists inside the body or externally.

Many years ago, I studied health psychology and was introduced to the concept of healing using thoughts. Researchers have proved that people who have positive beliefs, have a state of mind that helps the body to maintain and repair itself. I read how visualisation and meditation have positive healing effects and patients in clinical trials respond to placebo treatment as if they are getting the real drug. The power of the mind can and does affect everything in the body, frequently producing chemical changes that were believed to be only possible through the use of powerful drugs. Optimists recover better. Long before cognitive behaviour therapy was a treatment of choice, I would help people who attended my stress groups, to retrain their thinking by discussing the effect of positive thinking, resulting in positive outcomes.

A positive state of mind is linked to all the major religions. Christianity has good and evil concepts, eastern religions are based on positive and negative energies and the Chakras are believed to be energy centres for wellbeing. All these beliefs have the same goal, to gain wellbeing or a state of paradise. In a study of 50 people with advanced lung cancer, those judged to have high "spiritual faith" responded better to chemotherapy and survived longer. The universe began as a thought in the mind of God, those thoughts became words, those words became creation. In the New Testament it states that if you have faith, you can move a mountain.

In years or centuries to come, we will no doubt be educated to use our mind and thoughts with more precision. To gain incredible insights and awareness. I do not envisage that the drug companies will fund this research though!

Maybe, if I begin to meditate and visualise daily, I can rid my face of those advancing wrinkles instead of resorting to plastic surgery. I could ultimately patent the technique and make a fortune. Now that is positive thinking!!

No Change For Females

2012-10-11T04:27:00.000-07:00

Its official, I’m one of the older generation now as my daytime companion is radio 4! If John Humphries from the early morning ‘Today’ programme tells me the sky is green, I would probably believe him. Woman’s Hour keeps me informed and when I need background noise, the chatter from the radio is ideal. Perhaps it is true that you do turn into your mother because I remember the equivalent to radio 4 being a feature in my teen years as my parents tuned in to the transistor radio. Daughter beware, as she tells me she has migrated from radio 1 to radio 2!

Recently I was listening to radio and TV items about post natal depression, with the aim to educate, increase awareness and concerns. I had quite a serious PND following the birth of my first child over 40 years ago and I am dismayed to hear that relatively little has changed in either awareness, attitudes or treatments.

My own story mirrors those of the mothers who were interviewed in that I had uncontrollable thoughts about injuring my baby. Today there are 1 in 10 mothers who suffer from PND and in all females, 1 in 4 will have some kind of mental illness in their lives. Quite high statistics and not much difference in 40 years. All the mothers interviewed had not voiced their feelings for months as they feared the associated stigma and were concerned that their child would be removed. My intrusive fearful thoughts started the day after my baby was born and I to was so frightened that I told no one and three months went by before I told my husband.

The treatment and medication that I was given are the same today as they were all those years ago and there continues to be an associated stigma. How sad that little has changed, even though there have been major medical advances over the years. If 1 in 4 females will have some kind of mental illness in their lives, that equates to a lot of suffering and high costs, both personal and for the NHS. I recovered with the support of my husband and family but it was five years before I felt comfortable and secure enough to discuss my experience with outsiders. I had an article published by a Mother and Baby magazine about my experience and although that was written in 1977, mothers on the radio interviews could write the same today. How sad. In some areas there are few changes but I hope that in female mental health, there will be more improvements in the next forty years.

I am so pleased that some things have not changed as I still have the support of my husband and family, of which I am very thankful. One thing that has changed considerably is technology, as I now listen to my radio, not on a transistor but on my ipod sat in its dock.

Shades of Autumn

2012-10-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

Autumn has arrived, the leaves are turning into lovely shades of brown and yellow and the nights are getting longer. I can't believe it is now 12 months since I retired.

Had some wonderful news yesterday as my son has been offered his first job since leaving university. When I hear of the millions of young people who are unemployed, I thank God for his opportunity. If I compare the circumstances of those young people who are beginning a career today, to the time when I started my first employment as a cadet nurse in 1969, there are little similarities. In the late 1960's I was easily able to choose my employment, unemployment was a thing of choice with my peers. Now I hear of so many of our young people who desperately want to work but have little opportunity, even if they have a degree. I worked for the same employer for 33 years whereas now, people are no longer committed to lifelong careers but may change careers a few times. I am so relieved that I am now receiving my pension and am not at the beginning of my working life, but I do worry about the prospects for my children in having a decent retirement. They will probably never be able to retire either due to inadequate pensions or government rulings.

As autumn displays its colours, the shops are beginning to stock their Christmas items and my thoughts turn to making Christmas gifts to sell. I have already made two sets of Christmas place mats and matching coasters. I have a list of ideas and am currently making a Father Christmas soft toy doll. Please feel free to look in my online shop at www.http://folksy.com/shops/essell

So as I look back over the last twelve months, I feel content in my own 'autumn' years and I look at my four grown up children and they all take my breath away with pride and love.
Looking forward to the next twelve months.

Serenity in Somerset

2012-09-26T13:07:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful, relaxing break in lovely Somerset last week. We stayed in a luxury caravan overlooking the lakes with a short walk to the sea front. Amazingly, the weather was dry but a little windy. Everyday we went swimming in a warm indoor pool, my husband fished to his heart's content and we walked along the seafront. As it was September, it was reasonably quiet and an ideal place to find relaxation by the bucket and spade full.

Whilst my husband fished, I sat at his side either painting the scenes or reading. The swans and Canada geese were our main companions in our peaceful setting. What a difference to the holidays we used to take when time was ordered by the needs of the children. It is only in the last few years that John and I have had time to ourselves and it took me a while to get used to being able to put our needs first but I must admit it is wonderful.

We had a day out at Cheddar Gorge and Caves and it is such an interesting and quaint place. We walked up through the Gorge on the steep road formed by the path of an old river bed that had wound it way down through the cliffs. The caves were formed thousands of year ago and the inner rock formations and stalagmites and stalactites were formed by the actions of water.

We had never been to Somerset before and I recommend this lovely part of the country. We enquired about buying one of the mobile homes but decided that it was far to expensive to maintain on a yearly basis as the site fees and added extras were too costly. Compared to the same costs in France, it is more worthwhile to buy in another country. Good old Britain, you can always count on the economy to put a damper on things!!

Speaking of 'damper on things', we returned home to storms, floods and cold. Ah well, we can now sit and plan for our next holiday to the Caribbean to celebrate my sixtieth birthday. Yeh man!

Sorry is a Sorry Word!

2012-09-13T04:01:00.000-07:00

I need to get onto my soap box this week as I am dismayed that society does not appear to learn from past mistakes.It is said that you learn by your mistakes but it is evident from recent events that our society does not learn but merely repeats wrongdoings over and over again. Working in health care education, I know of many instances where care has improved owing to an alteration of behaviour, due to learning and implementing that learning.

The Hillsborough report is a harrowing read but it has finally unearthed the truth and exposed deceipt, poor leadership and inept professional services. This was a disaster waiting to happen and although initial reactions were understandable in that football did not have a good reputation and it was presumed that it was a pitch invasion and needed to be controlled, the eventual reaction to a major disaster was inexcusable. It appears that all services, not just one,reacted poorly and caused a chain of events that resulted in a greater number of deaths. The disgraceful wrong accusations and deflection of the truth in order to escape accountability, has damaged not only the grieving families, but our society. We should hang our heads in shame that it has taken 23 years for this truth to emerge and 96 families have had open wounds, compounded by the lies and cover ups.

We have not learnt as the recent Leveson inquiry demonstrated. This inquiry investigated the culture, practices and ethics of the media, examining the relationship of the press with the public, police and politicians. Similar practices of deceit and corruption emerge and as Leveson asks, who indeed 'guards the guardians?' You may expect this type of wrongdoings from an undeveloped country with despot leaders but surely not in civilised Britain.

Apologies are now being uttered from a host of people or organisations as practices are exposed, but these apologies should have been offered before the spotlight exposed the deed. We are all accountable for our own actions and now this spotlight shines on the people or organisations who should take responsibility for their actions and put to right an injustice that has hovered over society for far too long.

More important now is the need to learn and assimilate that learning but instead we continue to have a tendency to repeat wrongs so how can we teach our children to respect and behave accordingly when they have poor role models from our leaders and 'gaurdians'?

I have made many mistakes in my life as a mother, as a wife and as a person but I hope I have learnt from them and improved. Where I have not, I apologise and can only strive to do better. I hope and pray that as a society we can do the same.

Remember the List

2012-09-06T13:35:00.000-07:00

I need a list! My brain functions more clearly when I can see my priorities and I have a plan. I have always been a keeper of lists as there were so many things to remember and not enough space in my head. Now I have a lot of space in my head but I can’t remember anyway. I am a person who needs to visualise the big picture then develop a plan to get there, or have a ‘to do’ list in order to set aims and objectives.

I found the list that I made before I retired and it contained many of the activities that I couldn’t do whilst I was working. It is true that the older you are, the faster time goes by. It is 12 months at the end of this month since I left my employment and took an early pension. My house is now cleaner, odd jobs caught up with and hobbies explored, so I now look towards the longer term. My husband only retires in another 17 months and we then intend to downsize the house and move to a different area. When children are small and dependant, stability for schools and friends is important and for parents, it is the access to work that determines where to live. Now, as children have flown the nest and work is a thing of the past, there is no longer any need to stay where we are and the prospect of more exiting areas is appealing. I hope it is not a case of ‘the grass is greener etc’.

At the moment, my big picture is to live part of the year in England and part in France. My husband and I will need to decide on an area in England so that we can downsize. We prefer to have a house that is near to either a river or a lake so that John can fish, that will be a necessity whether in England or France. In the meantime I should revisit my ancient ‘O’ level French and learn more conversational French.

So, my pre retirement list is over 12 months old and I have been too busy to look at it! So a list is not the answer then – maybe sticker notes. I could stick them on the fridge, on the computer, or on the wine rack maybe. Bright idea – I could use the ‘to do’ notes on my mobile phone, then I will have a list that I will remember to look at.

If only I could remember where I put my phone.

In the fridge maybe??

Take a Break

2012-08-29T02:31:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that its the end of August already. British summer has been a washout on the whole although we have had one or two 'hot days'. Most years we would have been able to have quite a few family barbeques but to date, we have had only two. Unfortunately our garden table and parasol has remained underneath its rain cover. Now the darker nights are drawing in and the temperature is on the down turn. Our plans to get out and about have not materialised as we had hoped.

Our main holiday this year will be in December to celebrate my 60th birthday, so we decided to take a short break in the meantime. This was not an easy task! We were looking for a place where my husband could fish, somewhere near the sea and within reach of interesting places to visit. To find a lake or pond near a beach is not easy but we eventually found a few. However on two of the sites the agents didn't bother to return our phone call, some where displayed as available and when attempting to book, they were full and another had massive hidden charges. I was beginning to wonder if we were not meant to have a short holiday at all.

Perserverence is the key and we have finally been able to book that elusive short break of 4 days which has all our requirements. If it rains again, we are prepared with a big umbrella, wellies and a list of indoor activities. My husband can fish to his heart's content and I have a portable easel and oil paints. We are so easily pleased!

Lets hope that we won't be carrying a rain umbrella, but sitting in the shade of a parasol.

Change For The Better

2012-08-23T04:51:00.000-07:00

I follow a blog written by an old friend, also called Sue. She was my best friend when I was a teenager and in her early years of marriage, she emigrated to South Africa. I lost touch with her for a number of years and only recently have been able to catch up with her family. She writes of her upcoming 60th birthday and having to make a decision on whether to retire or not. Many of my friends have either retired or are nearing to retirement and most of them welcome this stage in life, but as I read Sue's blog, I realise that for some, retirement can be daunting.

I retired early, nearly one year ago now and I looked forward to retirement and counted down the days. Sue writes of her indecision and expectation that life may be empty and not a change for the better. What a big difference in our expectations as I see retirement as enjoyment, freedom from schedules and rules and a chance to develop in any area I choose, whereas Sue is left wondering about her future prospects. Of course, a major factor in retirement is finance and I am lucky to be OK at the moment and I have no idea if Sue has a pension or what the retirement rules are in South Africa.

Any major change in life can be daunting and change can force you to re examine your role. Change that alters the definition of yourself, and how you are defined by others. Change that can affect your self worth if employment has been a major part of your life. I went through a phase where I wasn't sure of my new role as I had always been the career woman, the working full time mother, the manager, the shaper etc, etc. Then I realised that I no longer wanted nor needed these titles or definitions, I love the freedom of not working, I don't want to play by working rules and schedules anymore.

My future is in my hands, I can do or not do, I can be defined by titles or not, I don't need the labels anymore as I am content in my new phase. I have enough at the moment to keep me occupied and if and when I need to change again, then that too is my choice. I may even be tempted to join one of the volunteer schemes that the government is to set up for the increased number of people who have or are about to retire! My world is in my hands now.

Future generations may not have a choice to retire, so I say to Sue and others who are undecided, embrace the change, develop new pathways, take a chance to explore the real you.

Ode to the Spoken Word

2012-08-16T02:37:00.000-07:00

English language is constantly changing and evolving and I often say a word or phrase of which my children have never heard. For example, my grandson ‘petered the ball’ or knocked it over the fence. There are a few phrases that I dislike such as ‘pull your socks up’, ‘stiff upper lip’, ‘warts and all’, and ‘multicultural society’. If people need to ‘pull their socks up’ then they are in need of help and I’m sure that if they could move on, they certainly would. A better phrase would be to ‘let me help you to pull your socks up’. Similarly, why should we show a ‘stiff upper lip’. Britians are reared to conceal emotions, which is utter rubbish. This results in suppressed anxiety and stress which inevitably affects the physical body sometime in life. I have seen this result time and time again in the stress and anxiety courses that I ran, particularly in men, so please, get rid of that upper lip syndrome and learn to express thoughts and feelings.

‘Warts and all’ is an old Catholic phrase that speaks of God’s unconditional love, but it points to the fact that most people do not accept the ‘warts’ as society strives for perfection with plastic surgery and botox. ‘Multicultural society’ is often used to depict the changing society of Britiain, but we are a long way towards actual integration which should be hand in hand with multiculturalism. We may have many cultures but there is still a tendency to stay within that culture and I fear that I will not witness true integration within my lifetime.

Life is full of ‘would’ve’, ‘could’ve’ and ‘should’ve’. When you imagine all the different paths that result from a single decision or course of action, it can be mind boggling. I have umpteen ‘would’ve’, ‘could’ve’ and ‘should’ves’ over the course of my lifetime but equally as many ‘did do’, so I suppose I acted with the help of experience and learnt judgements. The ‘what if’ in life can be a disastrous thought and should only be used to learn and then to move on. A ‘what if’ has never happened but sometimes we act as if it has. Perhaps it should be banned from the English language.

So I will take my warts and all and walk out into my multicultural society, keeping a stiff upper lip against our typical British weather and hope that I don’t need to pull my socks up, otherwise I will be thinking about what I should’ve done and what if I hadn’t done something. Maybe I should curl up with a good book (or kindle) instead!

Olympics Inspire a Generation

2012-08-10T06:47:00.000-07:00

The Olympics are in full swing and Great Britain is winning loads of medals. If you compare our small country to the larger countries of USA and China, then, per population, we are actually doing much better than either of these countries.

The cheering and roar of the crowd is amazing, not just for our own athletes but also for other competitors. The organisation and broadcasting must be given top marks and I think it will be recorded in history as a memorable Olympic games of which we can be proud.

The Olympic Park looks very impressive and was completed in good time so cheers for the workmanship involved. The opening ceremony depicted everything British which I thought was professionally performed, however I was not too keen on the middle section depicting the music eras as I was left feeling a bit confused. The rising chimneys and the lifting of the Olympic rings made from 'molten metal' was incredible.

The British athletes have all performed very well with Jessica Ennis rightly earning her title as the face of the Olympics. It was a pleasure to watch the cycling events as this sport is available to anyone. I prefer to cycle than walk and I have my cycle 'gear' ready and waiting.

Apparently Bradley Wiggins originally hails from Wigan and still owns a house here so I might find myself on the same cycle path when I take a ride on my own bike!

One of my daughters is currently a volunteer at the hockey events and although it is hard work with long hours, she appears to be enjoying her time there. Another daughter watched the triathlon and was at the finish line to watch the Brownlee boys winning their gold and bronze medals.

My grandson is a member of the Liverpool swimming club which has coached many of our top swimmers in the past. As part of the 'Inspire a Generation', some of the Team GB Olympic swimmers are touring the country and are to visit the Liverpool club to swim with the members. I know I am biased but my grandson is a very good swimmer and he may be inspired to swim at the Olympics in 2020!

I have enjoyed these Olympic games as I have been able to see most of the events live throughout the day. Luckily the weather hasn't wreaked havoc on any of the events as we have had such a wet summer so far. I hope that the London Games will be remembered for their success, efficiency and friendliness and that the ideal to inspire the next generation into sports of any kind, will happen, because lets not forget, we British invented most of them.

Well done Team GB

Out with the old, in with the new

2012-08-03T03:09:00.000-07:00

One evening through the week, I went out to dinner with friends to celebrate a birthday and following the usual conversations about men, sex and children, the conversation turned to past times and how the era in which we grew up was vastly different to that of our grandchildren today. I grew up in the 50's and 60's, when life was basic compared to now.

I have three brothers and one sister and am the second youngest child. As a small child we lived in a 'two up-two down' terraced house with a toilet at the bottom of the yard. We had a tin bath in which, every Sunday, we bathed in front of the fire, and this bath was filled with a boiling kettle. Monday was wash day using a tub with a separate wringer and I can remember the iron which was heated on a hot plate. Rooms had oilcloth flooring with a square carpet in the middle which was brushed daily with a large sweeping brush and pan and the front step and door entrance were scrubbed clean. I grew up on homemade cakes and pies, pea soup with ham shank, roast lamb Sunday dinners, soggy vegetables and fruit from the corner shop. We had comics to read every week and and Saturday was matinee afternoon at the cinema (the pictures). Our playtime was spent outdoors or in the local park, playing group games or with my girlfriends, playing with dolls and prams.

I remember the old black and white, box TV that we had when I was about 7 years old however, programmes only began at 5pm.

In my early teens we moved to a council estate in a three bedroom house, with a bathroom and indoor toilet and a garden at the front and back of the house. I attended a grammar school which was within walking distance and this education catapulted me into a different world from that of my siblings. The early sixties brought the rise of the Beatles, the Rolling Stones and pop music but I loved Motown music and felt very sophisticated. Very few people had a house telephone or a car, so arrangements to meet friends would be organised at school or before returning home at the end of an evening.

Although I had a happy childhood, I resist referring to bygone eras as the good old days because I think we now live in exciting times. When I see the giant strides made in technology and science in particular, in the last 50 years, I think I will now have to believe that pigs really can fly! My children urge me to write my 'memoirs', particularly about my early years and I hope to put pen to paper, or should I say, fingers to keyboard, some time before my memory fades.

Yes, my grandchildren and children live in a different world which I hope they can embrace and enjoy to the full.

Live For Today

2012-07-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

Saying farewell to our pet cat Jess last week was very difficult as he had been part of the family for 16 years. We have laid him to rest in the back garden and I will plant a rose bush so that eventually there will be a lot of colour and tranquility in this area.

Following events this week, I was reminded of how fragile life is and how the comforts and situations we often take for granted, can change so easily. Since retiring I have a different outlook on life and I can now enjoy each day and live in the 'now', rather than waiting for weekends and holidays.

Over the weekend we visited my eldest daughter and her family who were camping in Anglesey. A lovely island and the campsite was near the beach with some beautiful views of the undulating countryside. Ideal for the children with no TV, just the open air to play games and enjoy the fresh air. Most of the day was spent on the beach catching crabs and small fish, whilst I sat on the beach and enjoyed the scenery and the 'holiday feeling'. Still can't do much as my toe is yet to heal!

A couple of days later we were off in the other direction to visit my youngest daughter in Chester. A lovely ramble along the River Dee, through the racecourse and finally, shopping in the town centre. We haven't had sunny weather since April as it has rained and rained so we took advantage of the warm summer evening and enjoyed a BBQ and wine.

I think that both daughters wanted to distract me from missing Jess around the home. I do miss our cat but I have some treasured memories and living in the 'now' is highly recommended.

Bitter Sweet

2012-07-19T02:49:00.000-07:00

A week of highs and lows.

My son’s partner, Emily, is a lovely girl and we are blessed to have her as part of our family. She tragically lost her own mother in a car accident one evening and last Monday, July 16^th, was the fifth anniversary of her death. On the same day as this anniversary, Emily’s brother’s second child was born by caesarean section. I like to think that this gift of new life was predetermined by Emily’s mother, Liz, to be born on the same day. This day can now be equally viewed as a celebration, a celebration of a new life and a celebration of a life that has passed. I helped Emily to make a personalised gift for the new baby, a nappy sack that can be used later as a toy hamper.

I believe in life after death and have faith that our loved ones help us in this life although not always in obvious ways. But what about our much loved pets, are they only to give us pleasure in this life? We have two cats and one of them, Jess, is not well. He is now 16 years old and so has had a long life, but he has stopped eating and drinking and is wasting away. We took him to the vet a few weeks ago and nothing obvious was seen but I think he knows now that it is the end of his life. We are taking him back to see the vet and we will need to let the vet decide, as Jess is too precious for us to make that decision.

So I say thank you Liz for giving us Emily to love and I say thank you Jess for loving us.

Yin and Yang?

2012-07-13T04:10:00.001-07:00

First some good news.

Whilst in France on holiday with the family recently, my daughter and her partner went to Paris for a couple of days. He proposed to her, overlooking romantic Paris and as she accepted, right on cue, fireworks started from somewhere in the city. Wonderful news, they were childhood sweethearts and are perfect for each other. We all look forward to the wedding which will only happen around 2015, in the meantime we are eager to try on the dresses and the preparatory work is as much fun. My own wedding only cost £350 in total, back in 1971, I expect this one will cost rather a lot more.

My second bit of good news is that my son has finally gained his degree in computer studies. After much heart ache and soul searching, he now can seek that ‘special’ job, or in these current climes, any job would be a bonus. So much pressure on our young people these days. Gone are the days when a job was for life and you could choose and expect to have employment.

My third bit of good news is that I have sold my first painting on line via my 'art shop' at http://www.etsy.com/shop/EssellArt under the banner of 'Essell Art'. This painting has been packaged and posted to America and I hope it is the start of many future sales.

Now for the bad news

Does the universe really need to balance positive and negative energies? If everything has both yin and yang aspects, then my 'yang' is that I've fractured my big toe.

I was helping to load my car to help my son to move into a new flat when I dropped a marble chopping board on my toe. I will spare you from viewing any photos but it is not a pretty site as the nail bed is also damaged. The most frustrating part is actually the inability to walk far as I am hobbling and am unable to wear a shoe. It is amazing how such a small part of the body can affect the rest.

However it hasn't stopped me continuing with my sewing as I only need one foot to operate the sewing machine so I've been busy making baby clothes. My new creations can be found at
http://folksy.com/shops/essell

Desert Island

2012-07-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

I don't usually listen to Desert Islands Discs on Radio 4 but last week I was interested to hear about the life and choices made by the stand up comedian John Bishop. I began to think about the eight songs that I would choose, which favourite book I would take and which luxury I would want with me. They are all associated to either life events or special memories.

My first two song choices are 'You're my Everything' and 'Just One Last Look' by the Temptations. The Temptations were my favourite Motown band in the 60's and they still are. My starstruck teenage years, my first love that I thought I would never get over, my 'hippie' period, my first mini skirt and the make up I would reapply in the telephone box after my dad had made me take it all off before I went out! From the same era, I would choose as my third choice, Otis Redding and 'Dock of the Bay'.

Following a brief interest in Led Zeplin, I developed a crush on an older man - Andy Williams, so my fourth disc has got to be 'Moon River' as it made me feel very emotional (or was it my teenage hormones?). I also met my husband around this time.

The Motown hits started to be few and far between and I didn't care for the 'pop' music of the day and in the 70's the punk music emerged which I thought was awful. However, for my fifth disc, I would like to include from that era, Rod Stewart and 'Sailing'. This song is timeless and it conjures up a sense of freedom and now it is still relevant as I have taken a liking to cruising so every year I go 'sailing'

My sixth choice must include Queen as although I wasn't a fan of Freddie Mercury's extravagance, his voice was exceptional. The disc I include is 'Heaven for Everyone' which he made when he knew he was dying.

My seventh and eight choices are classical pieces. I used to teach relaxation techniques and when I listen to either of these recordings, I am able to sit and relax. So my chill out time on my island would be with the help of these two discs. Mahler 'Symphony number 5' has a sad, yet powerful sound. It begins with the sadness and ends with triumph and power. My last record is Barber's 'Adagio for Strings'. I never tire of listening to this as I can loose myself in its sensitivity and intensity.

My overall favourite song will have to be my number one choice by The Temptations.

I will be allowed to take the Bible and the Complete works of Shakespeare so I should have plenty to read. The first book I ever read was called 'The Mystery of the Everglades' by C.S.Rutley when I was thirteen years old. It was given to me by the district nurse who visited my grandma daily to give her insulin injections. I was intrigued by that book and I developed a great love of reading. I have since re read this book but as it was written for a younger age group, it didn't have the same appeal. For my book choice, I will take 'The Mayor of Casterbridge' by Thomas Hardy. I studied this novel as part of my English Literature '0' level and I would take pleasure in re reading this book.

My luxury item would have to be my oil painting items so that I could spend a lot of my time painting landscapes and seascapes of my own desert island. I could also paint the ship on which I am eventually rescued from this island.